Tracker
by frecklesandtex
Summary: Some of the castaways follow Michael into the jungle and discover some of the Island's secrets KateSawyer JackAna
1. Chapter 1

Title: Tracker  
Sawyer/Kate, Jack/Ana

Summary: Some of the castaways trek into the jungle after Michael, learning the Island's secrets along the way.

Status: WIP

Time: Post WKD

Disclaimer: I don't own Lost: I just love it! If you recognize it it ain't mine!

This is my first stab at a fanfic, and I am pretty much a review whore, so please, please review, even if it's just to say I suck!

Also, the first couple of chapters are a little rough, I know, and I am going to come back and rewrite them eventually, but please read past them and I promise you won't be disappointed!

Thanks for reading!

**Chapter One**  
The cowboy boots were silhouetted against the yellow light spilling from the hallway and he shook with the effort to keep his harsh and ragged breathing quiet. The door swung open on squeaky hinges and the boots entered, slowly, steadily towards the bed he huddled under. His breathing ceased altogether when the boots came to the edge of the bed, the toes pointed directly at him; they slowly turned and the bed sagged as a body rested on the edge. He hardly dared to blink, afraid that any sound-

"Sawyer!"

He jerked awake, not really sure where he was; he almost expected to find himself still cowering under that damn bed, blood dripping onto the splayed out boots. After three days of unconciousness he was still easily disoriented; after all, he had collapsed in the middle of the jungle, and how weird was it to wake up in some kind of friggin' bunker, in a bunk bed, no less? Complete with shower and kitchen.

And Kate.

"You alright? Your shoulder is bleeding." Jack was standing over him, looking at his heavily bandaged shoulder with some concern. He bent down to look at the wound more closely. "You were thrashing around," Jack said, in an explanatory way as he removed the bandage gingerly. Sawyer winced and looked down at the bullet hole that had nearly killed him; it was looking a bit better but it was still an angry red and edged with black and purple. He looked away, feeling a little sick. His mouth was cottony-dry.

"How'd I rate the house call, Doc? Ain't the beach a little out of your way?"

Jack just smiled and dabbed some alcohol on Sawyer's open wound. Sawyer grunted and gritted his teeth; Jack was enjoying this, he knew, but he damn sure wasn't gonna give the Doc the satisfaction of _knowing_ it hurt.

Jack replaced the bandages and handed Sawyer a small pill bottle. "Antibiotics. There are enough here for a full course of treatment, take one in the morning, and one at night until they are gone." He smiled and patted Sawyer on his good shoulder. "Should I just add this to my bill?"

"Very funny, Doc. I think that's gonna be one hell of a bill by the time you're done with me." Sawyer started to sit up, but his arm wasn't cooperating. To his chagrin, Jack reached out to help. "I got it," he snapped, and levered himself up to a sitting position. Damn, that was hard. His shoulder was throbbing now from the mixture of exertion and rubbing alcohol, and he thought about asking Jack for a pain pill or two, but immediately vetoed that idea. Instead he asked, "How is Mike?"

Jack looked surprised at the question. He had been expecting Sawyer to ask him about Kate; he was also a little relieved because any conversation about Kate was not going to turn out well for him. He thought about what Sawyer had said to him in his delirium and considered for a moment telling him, but, like Sawyer, he immediately vetoed that idea. He finally answered, "He is okay. He says he got a message from Walt on the computer in the hatch, but John says the computer can only be used to input the numbers. When John went to check, there was only the usual icon."

"No sign of the kid?"

Jack smiled sadly. "No."

Sawyer looked away, feeling guilty about Walt and Michael. It was partly his fault, he _had_ made Mike shoot off the flare. Jack seemed to realize whet he was thinking, and he spoke softly. "It wasn't your fault, Sawyer. Even Michael said so. He said you tried to save him...but it was too late. You took a bullet for Walt, what else could you have done?"

Sawyer didn't answer. Jack patted his good shoulder again and turned to leave.

"Where's Kate?" Sawyer spoke again, and Jack stopped dead in his tracks. This was the question he had hoped to avoid, especially from Sawyer. He turned slowly, then hesitated before he answered. "I don't know." He started walking away again, hoping Sawyer would leave it at that.

Sawyer stared for a moment at the bottle of pills in his hand, then curiously at Jack's retreating back. He had only been gone for a week, but something had shifted between himself and Jack; their relationship had changed over the weeks of interaction on the island, and he suspected that a major part of the difference in Jack's attitude had to do with telling Jack about his father, but there was something else. Something he couldn't quite put his finger on. He called after Jack, "Hey Doc!"

Jack stopped and looked back. Sawyer paused, a question on his lips, but instead he waved the bottle of pills in the air and said, "Thanks!"

Jack looked at Sawyer for a minute, then he smiled and said, "You're welcome." He continued up the beach.

Sawyer reached for his water bottle to take a swig. What he wouldn't do for a damn beer right now! Hell, he _felt_ like he had a hangover. He always did after the nightmare.

He closed his eyes against the bright sunlight and took a deep breath. The waves were pounding on the beach, and he just sat for a moment, enjoying the sound. It was funny, he had only been gone for a few days, but he had actually missed the sound of the surf; he didn't really like that hatch, it was so confining and claustrophobic. And _creepy_. Plus it disconcerted him to wake up in that bunk bed- he felt like he was waking from his nightmare still in it, but instead of blood-spattered boots there was...Kate. She had been by his side almost continually since he regained conciousness, even sleeping in the top bunk while he slept in the bottom. And it had been _very_ difficult to sleep knowing she was right above him. A few times he had lain awake, listening to her breathing, synchronizing his breath to hers until he too drifted off. Actually, if he really thought about it, the only times she hadn't been around were when Jack came by to check on him- he hadn't noticed that before. Did something happen between them while he was gone? He pushed the thought from his mind, hell he'd only been gone a week, what could have happened? He closed his mind against the answers and waited for Kate to come back.

-----

Kate clung to the tree like a second skin, picking fruit from the foliage. It felt _too_ good to be doing something physical again after all of those days cooped up in the hatch. Besides, she loved climbing; it gave her a sense of freedom she could never match with her feet on the ground. She tucked the fruit into the bag she had looped around her shoulders and started to slide down the trunk. The bark beneath her fingers felt rough and smooth at the same time, and she could feel it rasping against her clothes. It felt good- it felt _real_- and reality was something she had only a passing acquaintance with lately. So much of the past few days seemed like a dream- in fact, she wasn't sure some of it _wasn't_ a dream. If Sawyer hadn't seen the big-ass horse too, she would still be seriously questioning her sanity.

She smiled slightly at that. The horse, or whoever it was, had given her something she had lost for nearly four years- peace. For the first time since killing Wayne, the guilt that had squeezed her heart like a vise had loosened just enough to let her breathe again. But there was hope, wasn't there? That door that had cracked for her could open a little more, and then a little more...it was beginning to seem to her that anything was possible on this island. She wondered if Sawyer's run in with the boar a few weeks ago had given him the same kind of relief; she remembered the look on his face and she thought it must have. Well, now they had something else in common.

Reaching the ground, she stopped to take a drink of water. She looked at the sky and decided to go back to the beach; Jack would surely be done with Sawyer by now, and be gone. She hoped. She had been avoiding him pointedly since the day on the path to the caves, even leaving the hatch when he came to check on Sawyer. Just an hour ago she had been in Sawyer's tent watching him sleep when she spotted Jack coming and made a break for it. She smiled ruefully to herself- she was good at running away, if nothing else. Eventually she was going to have to face him but right now it was too...hard. And anyway, she rationalized to herself, Jack wasn't exactly banging down her tent to see her. Well, she didn't blame him for that. She had seen how shocked and confused he was when she kissed him, and there was nothing she could say to make him feel better about that kiss, because she knew he had felt it too. Nothing. No spark. And then she had run again- back to Sawyer. He _was_ the spark, her flame. Kate was like a moth, drawn to the light no matter how hot it burned. When Sawyer opened his eyes and spoke to her she didn't care if she got burned at all.

She started back to the beach, smiling secretly to herself. After waking, Sawyer had refused to believe that they were still on the island and swore he would only be convinced if they went outside. Kate argued against it, even invoking doctor's orders, but that particular ploy backfired and the mention of Jack made Sawyer even more determined. She had a sneaking suspicion that his disbelief had been partly a plan to get her to dress him, but she gave in anyway. She could feel his smirk on the back of her neck as she knelt before him to help him with his jeans, but she refused to look up, trying not to encourage him. Thank goodness he had kept his moth shut. For a change. He leaned on her and she pulled his arm around her shoulders and they walked through the hatch. Sawyer was still skeptical, so she opened the airlock and took him outside. "Son of a bh," he sighed, and she felt him sag a little against her, so she led him to a log and helped him sit.

Kate was unable to stop smiling. The weight of his arm around her was so comforting she almost hated to break the contact. But to her surprise (and delight, if she admitted it to herself) Sawyer must have had the same thought because instead of releasing her arm when he sat, he slid his hand down to hers and left it there, gently squeezing her fingers and grinning at her. Surprised, she looked down at their hands then grinned back up at Sawyer.

"What?" He asked, looking at her."What are you smilin' at?" She didn't want him to know the hand-holding had surprised her, so she came up with a quick answer that at least had a ring of truth to it. "You need a haircut."

Then there was the horse. For the second time the horse set her free.

And she was right about one thing. He _did_ get a kick out of her feeding him like a baby.

-----

The axe thudded into the wood with a satisfying chunk, splitting the log in half. Jack had taken to chopping wood since the raft had gone and he actually enjoyed it; he could see why Sawyer had chosen this particular task for himself. The rhythmic swing of the axe and the clunking of metal to wood was hypnotic so that Jack hardly remembered where he was or what he was doing sometimes. Unfortunately for him, it wasn't working for him today.

Sawyer loved Kate. Jack swung hard at a log, childishly pretending it was Sawyer's face. Kate obviously felt something for him, too; when she held him in the bunk bed, kissing his forehead, stroking his face, Jack could tell she had forgotten that he was even in the room. The emotion in her eyes had been too much for him. The tender way she held him and whispered in his ear...it was too much for Jack to bear. He looked away, swallowing hard.

What made this situation even worse was Jack was actually starting to _like_ Sawyer. Of course, Sawyer's message from his father had gone a long way towards that, but it was something more. He was beginning to feel almost a grudging respect for Sawyer, especially after Michael told them what went down on the raft. Jack knew the reason for Sawyer's 180 degree turnaround was Kate; even before the raft, he'd noticed that Sawyer was...different around her. Jack felt jealousy bubbling to the surface...but why? He didn't love Kate, at least, not like that, but what he felt was something that could grow into love. But what did he know about her? She was a complete enigma to him, other than she was a murderer. He smiled wryly to himself; _that_ much he knew. And the kiss- he grimaced as he recalled it- he _never_ should have let that happen. She wasn't in her right mind, anyone could have noticed-hell even idiot Charlie noticed she wasn't right. But he was so shocked he hadn't even moved to stop her; now the damage was done and she had been avoiding him like the plague. He'd seen her take off from Sawyer's tent this afternoon when she saw him coming and it hurt him a little, but the truth was staring him in the face. She wanted Sawyer- he'd seen it. Sawyer loved her- he'd heard it. His only choice was to step aside and let her go. She would never be his.

He aimed an especially violent swing at a large stump and the axe stuck fast. Jack pulled and tugged angrily, cursing the axe, the stump, and for good measure, the island.

"Hate to break it to you, but this island is already cursed."

Jack smiled in spite of himself. "Then one more can't hurt, right?" He panted, glancing up from his struggle to release the axe.

Ana-Lucia was watching him, smiling. "Nice swing," she said. "Brutal. What did that stump ever do to you?"

Jack gave up on the axe and left it sticking out of the stump. "Just practicing my surgical skills,', he quipped, picking up some of the already-cut wood to take back to the caves. "Never know when they will come in handy."

Ana-Lucia bent down and started helping pick up firewood. "Not exactly a precision instrument," she laughed, and added, "If those are your surgical skills, I'd hate to see your bedside manner."

Jack laughed. "Well, I have been told that it sucks." He glanced at Ana. Smiling, they walked toward the caves.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**  
Sawyer sprawled lazily in the airplane seat, shirtless, basking in the sun. The ocean breeze cooled him as he half-dozed in the afternoon heat. He was in the grips of a lethargy he had never experienced before, and he knew part of it was his injury and infection, but part of it was Kate's absence. He was starting to get worried, which was crazy, but he had expected to see her by now. He was tired, another by-product of his infected shoulder, but he was almost afraid to sleep. His dreams lately were just snatches and snippets of memories intertwined with boots and gunshots; dusty bed bottoms and blood. He shuddered and forced his mind to another subject- trying to remember the last eight days. He was pretty clear on the raft, though after he pulled the bullet out things started to get hazier and hazier. His memory was so-so up until the start of Rambina's little Jungle Death March, and thankfully he couldn't remember much at all after that. He curled his lips in a sneer as he thought about Ana-Lucia. He knew she was here, and as soon as he was strong enough, he was gonna pay her a nice little visit, thank her for stomping her diseased jungle boots into his open gunshot wound. Hell, at least get his damn gun back.

He did remember a few things, but they were so ramdom and dream-like that he wasn't sure if they were even real. Michael, holding his head up and looking worried; a shower?; Jack talking to him about a bullet; Kate's voice whispering in his ear; the jungle floor passing beneath him as a pair of feet carried him; Kate by his side; blinding pain and cold concrete; Kate holding his hand; Kate, Kate, Kate. He was amazed at how omnipresent she had become in the space of a few days- so much so that he couldn't think of a reason to move without her. So much so that he _expected_ her to be there, and, hell, he _wanted_ her to be there. And it was damn disappointing that she wasn't.

His stomach suddenly gave a lurch and a low, rumbling growl.

"I guess you're getting your appetite back." Kate stepped into his light, casting a cool, dark shadow over him.

"Some appetites I never lost, Sweetcheeks," he drawled lazily, his dimples deepening as he grinned up at her, his disappointment fading away. Kate rolled her eyes.

"Hm. Well, I don't have anything to give you for _that_ particular appetite," At this Sawyer cocked his eyebrow at her with an I-beg-to-differ-look, but Kate ignored him and continued, "but I brought you some fruit for the other." She pulled two mangoes out of her bag and handed them to Sawyer. His fingers brushed hers and he held them for a moment, feeling how soft they were, but knowing how strong they could be. Kate suddenly jerked them away, and looking slightly panicked pointed at his bloodstained bandage. "Sawyer, why is your shoulder bleeding? What happened? Let me look-" She reached for him.

Annoyed, Sawyer held up his hand to hold her off. "Don't worry, Freckles, the doc's already checked me out. I'm right as rain." He tried to stand, but his legs were shaky, and he swayed a little as he rose. Kate automatically reached out to steady him, and she let her hands linger a little longer than was absolutely necessary before dropping them and turning away. He took a few steps, stretching his legs. She handed him the knife from her belt, and began rummaging through her backpack while Sawyer cut off a slice of mango and devoured it.

Kate brought a pair of scissors and a comb out of her backpack. Sawyer, still working on his mango, stopped and looked warily at Kate holding the scissors.

"What are you plannin' on doin' with those, Freckles?"

Kate smiled at him. He had mango juice running down his chin, and he unconciously wiped it away, still looking at her. "I'm giving you a haircut."

Sawyer's reaction was the same as the last time she mentioned a haircut. "Oh, really?"

"Yeah, really," she laughed, pointing to the seat. "So sit back down."

"Well, now, I ain't sure if I like the idea of you bein' so close to my head with somethin' so sharp."

"Oh, please. Are you afraid I might cut you?"

His look said that was _exactly_ what he was afraid of.

Kate rolled her eyes and pointed to the seat. "Sit, Captain Caveman. If you're a good boy I'll give you a lollipop."

Sawyer sighed and gave in. He sat gingerly back down. Kate draped a towel she'd pilfered from the hatch over his shoulders, and stood behind him, scissors and comb poised. She took a deep breath and muttered, " Ok, here we go."

Alarmed, Sawyer swiveled his head around to look at her- and almost laughed. She had such an intense look of concentration that her nose was wrinkled and the tip of her tongue was poking out. "What?" she snapped. "Turn back around."

"Just makin' sure you still wanna do this."

Kate grabbed his head between her hands and faced him forward. "Just be still."

Sawyer smiled to himself. It was strangely relaxing, sitting in the sun, listening to the waves and the wind. Kate was combing and snipping here and there, and over the waves and wind he could hear her breathing behind him. His head nodded and he fell into a kind of half-sleep.

Kate smiled as his head drooped. His head was a mess- some of the mats and tangles were so bad she had to cut them out. She grimaced as she cut out a particularly large chunk, grateful that Sawyer was not awake to see it. Maybe she should have washed his hair first, it might have made it a little easier to comb. She combed and cut in silence for a few minutes, enjoying the closeness of him. She was so near she could see the fine downy hairs on the back of his neck, and as she bent closer to take a snip she could see her breath ruffle them.

Saywer growled groggily,"Ain't you done yet, Freckles? Exactly how long did my hair get?"

"Well, when I called you Captain Caveman I wasn't off by much." She stepped around to face him. "I just need to do the front and then you're done."

He frowned up at her. "You ain't cuttin' it too short, are you? I don't want to look like Jack."

Something like panic crossed her face when he mentioned Jack's name- Sawyer saw it. Or thought he did, it was gone in the next instant. "Don't worry," she said, "I don't want you to look like Jack."

She was leaning close, standing between his legs, combing his hair down into his eyes. He tightened his knees so they barely touched her legs. She had that intense look again, nose wrinkled and poking tongue. He could count her delicious freckles if he wanted to. She snipped a few times, then glanced down at Sawyer, smiling. "All do-" she stopped as her eyes locked with his. It felt like time stopped, she couldn't breathe, but she couldn't look away. Without thinking, she leaned in and kissed him. His lips parted and she felt his tongue flicker across hers. She pulled back, suddenly able to draw a shaky breath.

"Uhhh...hey...dudes."

Both of them whipped their heads around at the same time. Michael and Hurley were standing a few feet away. Michael was looking away, kind of embarassed, and Hurley just stared at them, open mouthed.

Kate blushed a deep crimson and turned away. Sawyer recovered quickly, and noticing Kate's discomfort said, "Well, howdy boys. You here for a haircut too?"

She glared at him. Her face was flushed and she looked slightly guilty, like a teenager whose parents had just caught her making out on the front porch. He had never seen anything so beautiful in his life.

Michael stepped forward. "I just wanted to see how you were doing, man. Heard you were up and about." He looked askance at Kate. "Guess you're feeling better, huh?"

Hurley was still gawping at them. Kate groaned to herself. The whole camp would know about this by nightfall.

"Pretty damn good, thanks to you Mike." Sawyer said. He stood up carefully. "I guess I owe you one."

"Nah", Michael replied, "You saved my ass on the raft. That makes us even." He held out his hand to Sawyer.

Sawyer regarded it sadly. He looked up at Michael and swallowed hard. "I'm sorry about Walt." he finally said. Kate saw the guilt and anger in his eyes, and her heart melted.

Michael looked away, tears springing up into his eyes. "Yeah," he whispered, "Me too. But you did what you could, man, and I won't ever forget it."

Sawyer regarded him for a moment, then shook his hand.

Hurley finally piped up, though he was still staring at Kate. "Uhhh, yeah, Kate? Have you seen Jack? 'Cause we need him for something."

Kate froze and glanced at Sawyer. He was watching her intently, something cold and hard in his eyes. She looked away, she hoped not too guiltily and shook her head. "No, not today. Sorry." She flashed a nervous smile.

"Well, okay then," said Hurley. "I guess we'll try the caves. See you dudes." He and Michael headed towards the path to the caves.

Sawyer suddenly felt very weak. His legs wobbled and Kate caught him up under the arm, holding him steady. "I think it's time for you to lie down," she said, and led him to his cot. She sat him down gently and helped him ease down onto the cusions. He tried to keep his eyes open, to look at her, but they refused to stay open any longer.

Within seconds he was snoring softly. Kate watched him for a few minutes, her eyes following the rise and fall of his chest. Her fingers found his and she held his hand while he slept.

-----

It was dark when Sawyer woke. Kate was sitting in the sand at the foot of his bed, staring out at the dark ocean. She could still feel his lips on hers. Kissing him had been stupid- an impulse just like kissing Jack. But this had been different, hadn't it? When his tongue had touched hers it had burned- the shock of it had made her pull away. Good thing too, she thought wryly. Who knows what kind of a show Michael and Hurley might have gotten. Michael had barely acknowledged her, though, and that bothered her a little. She supposed he still believed that she poisoned him- if Jack was going to keep Sun's secret, he couldn't tell Michael the truth. Well, she reconsidered, the truth was she _had_ poisoned him, hadn't she? Even if it was indirectly. Maybe he was right not to trust her, she thought ruefully, and she trickled some sand through her fingers.

"Kate?" Sawyer murmured.

"Yeah, I'm here," she answered softly. But she didn't move.

Sawyer was quiet for a minute, and Kate thought maybe he had gone back to sleep. Then he said, "Can I have that lollipop now?"

Kate laughed and stood up, brushing sand off her jeans. "Well, she said, "I lied about the lollipop. But I have something better." She reached into the pocket of her backpack and took something out. She hesitated before she handed it to him, and he had the distinct feeling she didn't really want to give it up.

Sawyer looked at it, squinting in the dark. "Apollo Bar?" he said, looking up at Kate. "What the hell is that?"

She just smiled.

-----

It was barely dawn when shouts from the beach woke them. Kate jumped up from the blanket she'd taken from Sawyer's stash while he was sleeping. It sounded like Jack. She helped Sawyer up and then ran out to the beach. Jack was standing among a circle of castaways, looking very worried.

"Has anyone seen Michael?" he shouted. No one had. Sawyer caught up to Kate, and looked at her. "I saw him this afternoon", Sawyer said. "He was with Hurley. They were lookin' for you."

"He's gone, and so are four guns from the hatch. Locke thought it might be a good idea to inventory them twice a day." Sun came running up, looking scared and confused. "Jin is gone too," she said. Jack looked sick. "They've gone after Walt," he said. "We've got to go after them."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

The stitch in Michael's side was becoming unbearable. He and Jin had been running at a steady pace for hours, stopping only to drink and catch their breath. Michael was driven by his desire to find Walt, but he also knew that when he, Jin, and the guns were missed, Jack would have a search party on his trail and the more distance between them the better. Jack would only try to convince him to return and he was determined not to go back without Walt.

It could have been different, he thought. After the message on the computer he went to Locke and told him about it. Locke seemed tense and worried, but when he got to the terminal the screen was blank- just the same old flashing icon. Locke tried to explain it away, suggesting maybe Michael was tired and distraught- sounding a bit like Jack, really. Especially since Jack told him the same exact thing an hour later when he appealed to him to put together a search party. They didn't believe him- and it stung. Well, he thought bitterly, Jack was gonna have to put that search party together after all.

He stopped running and doubled over, gasping for air. Jin did the same and they just panted for a few seconds. Jin looked over at Michael, smiling sort of ruefully and said, "Run."

Michael chuckled in spite of himself. "Yeah man," he said. "Run." He glanced at Jin from the corner of his eye. "You can still go back, man," he said, pointing back towards camp.

Jin followed Michael's finger and shook his head. He looked Michael in the eye and said, "Walt."

Michael nodded and took a drink. Only a month ago the man next to him had tried to beat him to death and drown him in the surf in front of the entire camp. Now, just four short weeks later, he was the best friend Michael could ever remember having. No one he knew in New York would risk so much just to help him find his boy. Hell, no one he knew in New York would cross _town_ to help him find Walt.

He checked the gun in his waistband. It wasn't really necessary, he just liked the feel of it. Taking the guns from the hatch had been ridiculously easy- he expected more of a challenge. The only people there were Charlie and Claire and they were so wrapped up in Aaron they just waved to him and went back to cooing over the baby. The only person he had any concern over running into was Jack, and he had seen Jack stalking angrily up the beach when he and Hurley were talking to Kate and Sawyer. For all of the talk about security it was pretty simple- the gun cabinet was _ajar_ for God's sake, how easy could they make it? In thirty seconds he had grabbed the guns and ammunition and was out of the airlock before Ma & Pa could wave goodbye.

Jin took a deep breath and exhaled loudly. He looked at Michael with raised eyebrows. "Run?"

Michael laughed and took one last swallow of water. "Yeah, man," he agreed. "Run."

-----

The path to the caves was mercifully empty. Jack's feet traveled the now well-worn path automatically. The search party was set- he, Locke, and Kate were heading out in an hour. His mind churned as he tried desperately not to think about her. Which was impossible, given what he witnessed yesterday- Kate, bent over behind Sawyer giving him a haircut. It was so intimate, so _natural_. Sawyer said something, and Kate answered and moved to face him. But it wasn't Kate; at least, not Kate as Jack knew her. She looked so peaceful, so content, so _happy_; Jack felt like an peeping tom- this was a Secret Kate, one he was never meant to see. Then she kissed Saywer. Jack turned blindly and went up the beach, putting as much distance between them as possible.

Jack stumbled over a root, cursing under his breath. This morning, at the beach he had seen her coming out of Sawyer's tent. It was one thing to think about the two of them in abstract, but to be hit in the face with it stung. He was dreading this damn search party- how could he be around her now?

Ana-Lucia came out on the trail ahead of him. She smiled at him. "Hey Jack! I was looking for you."

Jack stopped. "Hey, Ana. What's up?" He pushed Kate to the back of his mind.

"I heard about your little expedition. I wanna go."

Jack considered. "Sounds like a good idea. The more hands the better. We're leaving within the hour, so meet us at the hatch. I'll give you a gun."

She looked doubtful for a second. "You sure you can trust me with a gun?"

"No, " Jack answered. "But I don't trust anyone with a gun. This is just one of those times when I don't have a choice."

Ana studied him for a moment. "If you're serious about extra hands, I know someone else who may want to go." She gave him a sly smile. "And you can trust him. He won't use a gun."

Jack laughed. "Well, in that case, bring him along. I can always use someone to trust."

Ana nodded. "Can't we all?" She moved to pass Jack and continue to the beach. She stopped next to him. "See you in an hour."

"_Within_ the hour." he corrected her, only half-joking.

"Right." she said, giving him that sly little smile again. She went past him down the path to the beach. He watched her until she disappeared into the jungle.

It was nearly an hour before Jack realized he had forgotten all about Kate.

-----

Sawyer angrily stuffed a pair of socks and two water bottles into his pack. This was all his fault. One rash action on his part and now Mike's kid was gone, the raft was destroyed, Shannon was dead, and now Mike and Jin were off somewhere in the damn jungle. He forced Mike to fire that flare, he _threatened_ him to make him do it...it was all his fault. If Jacko and company were going after them then he was damn well going too.

The guilt was eating him up. His misery made him furious- why the hell did he care anyway? Deep down he knew the answer-because he cared. It was that simple. He cared about these people. He wasn't sure when the change had occured, but somewhere along the line he had stopped hating himself enough to start liking them. And now, because of him, they were all in danger.

"Where do you think you're going, Sawyer?" Kate stood in the open flap, her arms crossed. She eyed his pack suspiciously.

"I'm goin' on safari, sweetheart," he said, slinging his pack angrily over his shoulder. He winced when the strap bumped into his bandage. "What about you? You goin' huntin'?"

"I'm going with Jack and Locke. _You_ aren't going anywhere."

Sawyer laughed harshly. "Since when do you decide where I can go, Freckles?"

"Come on, Sawyer, your shoulder- you can't-"

"Don't tell me what I can't do." He stepped in close, glaring at her with a dangerous light in his eye. She stood her ground and Sawyer brushed roughly past her.

"Jack will never let you-"

Sawyer spun around in fury. "Jack?" he snarled. He advanced on her again, and she backed up involuntarily until her back met the tent pole. She was a little scared of him, he could see it in her eyes. The guilty weight on his shoulders increased tenfold and the misery of it made him want to shake her senseless. He grabbed her wrist and pushed against her, pressing her into the pole. He could feel her breath coming in short, scared gasps, and her heart beating wildly against his chest. He leaned close to her ear and growled, 'What the hell is goin' on between you and Jack, Kate?"

He felt her tense beneath him, and he knew whatever she said was going to be a lie.

"Nothing." She said. She could barely breathe, her skin was on fire where he pressed against her. She could smell him, a wild primal scent that clung to her like a mist. It was intoxicating. She moved, pressing herself into him.

His lips found hers, parting them roughly. The kiss was hard and angry, and his tongue moved insistently against hers, demanding more. Her free hand entwined itself in his hair, pulling him closer to her. His tongue thrust again, meeting hers and knocking her head against the pole.

Sawyer broke it off. He stared at Kate coldly for a minute, then dropped her wrist. She hadn't even noticed his grip on her. He shrugged at her. "Go on back to the doc, Freckles." He looked her in the eye. "I don't need a damn nursemaid."

Kate glared at him in shock and hurt. He looked sad and regretful for an instant, then he turned his back on her and stalked off to the hatch.

Kate stood frozen, not daring to watch him go. Her knees went weak and she slid down the pole to the sand. She could still smell him, feel him against her. She covered her eyes with trembling hands and counted to five.

Then she counted to five again.

She stood shakily, and sighed. "Time to get it together, Kate," she muttered, and glancing around the tent something caught her eye.

She picked up Sawyer's antibiotics and smiled. "You _do_ need a nursemaid, after all," she said to herself, then grinning, she stuffed the bottle in her backpack and set off after him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Ana-Lucia held the 9mm in her hands, enjoying the weight and heft of it. She thought sadly of Shannon, and asked herself again if this was really what she wanted. Yes, of course, it was. She had missed the safe, cold comfort of a gun in her hand. She smiled as she checked the gun over.

Tucking the gun into her waistband, she caught Jack watching her. There was a hint of worry in his eyes, and she gave him sort of a sad smile. "I can still give it back," she offered, only half-joking. A tiny part of her _wanted_ him to ask her for it back, to take the decision out of her hands.

Jack shook his head. "No. You'll need it." He held another gun out to Eko, who was standing by watching them impassively. "Sure you don't want one?"

Eko smiled serenly. "No, thank you," he said, "I do not like guns." He fingered the wicked-looking club that hung from his waist. Jack shrugged and tucked the gun into the back of his jeans.

Ana glanced at Eko. He was inscrutable- after almost two months she still had no idea what he was thinking. With her experience as a cop she learned to read people easily, but this was one nut she hadn't been able to crack. She smiled at him nervously. Out of all of the people going on this crazy rescue mission, only she and Eko had an inkling of what awaited them Out There. She didn't want to go, not really. She understood Michael- those bs took his _son_. She didn't blame Michael for wanting to find them and kill them all, she thought bitterly. How could she? She killed a man for _her_ child.  
But the idea of _more_ of them trekking directly into the lion's den was insane. So why was she going?

Because she owed it to Shannon. It was crazy, but Shannon had died chasing Walt. Or what she thought was Walt. In some way Ana felt that if she found what Shannon had been looking for it would help her atone for what she did, accident or not. Plus, the Others had stolen the kids from their camp- maybe there was a sliver of hope that they would find Emma and her brother.

"We'll be leaving in a few minutes," Jack said, locking the gun cabinet behind him. They wouldn't make that mistake again. "As soon as Locke and Kate get here."

"Don't forget about me, Jackass." Sawyer sauntered in and dropped his pack on the floor. He saw Ana-Lucia and froze, his eyes narrowing. She smirked at him.

"Hey Cowboy, how's the shoulder?"

Sawyer sneered at her. "Well, why don't you hand me that gun in your pants, Cupcake, and I'll give you a first-hand taste."

Jack eyed the two of them warily. This could be bad. "Sawyer," he sighed, "You can't possibly be serious. You are three days out of a semi-coma, you need rest, not to run around the jungle."

Sawyer shifted his narrowed eyes to Jack. The walk from the beach had cooled him off, and about five minutes after leaving the tent he was kicking himself. He almost turned back twice, to go to her, but each time he thought about it he saw the fear in her eyes- fear he had put there. How could he go back?

"I don't remember it bein' up to you, Boss," he snapped. "Besides, if I get tired Mr. Ed over there can just give me a lift. Ain't that right, Ed?" Sawyer inclined his head toward Eko, who smiled and nodded back.

"Saywer, do you want the fever to come back? Because that's what's going to happen if you go out there! Is that what you want?"

Sawyer's temper flared. He stepped up to Jack and his voice was deadly quiet. "I am going, Jack. Now give me a gun and let's get this show on the road."

Jack had a vision of Kate leaning over Sawyer and kissing him. He fought the urge to draw back and knock Sawyer senseless. He spat back,"I'm not giving you a gun. You're _not_ going."

Sawyer was seeing red. He stood toe-to-toe with Jack and snarled, "You sure you wanna make that decision, chief?"

Jack sensed they were about to come to blows, but he kept seeing Kate and Sawyer together. He couldn't stop it. He knew Ana and Eko were watching them, but he couldn't stop himself. They were glaring at each other, inches apart.

"Hey!" Kate's voice was sharp and anxious. She quickly took in the scene before her. "What's going on here?"

Locke came running behind her. "Everything OK?"

The standoff lasted a beat longer, then Jack stepped back. He took the gun from his jeans and handed it to Sawyer, who took it, checked the clip and stuffed it angrily in his pants. Neither of them looked at Kate.

Ana-Lucia was studying the three of them intently, especially Kate.

"Fine." Jack barked at no one in particular. "Let's go." He grabbed his pack and stomped out the airlock. Sawyer picked up his bag and followed him, roughly brushing past Kate without looking at her. Locke and Eko wordlessly followed.

Kate was staring at the floor. He hadn't even _looked_ at her.

Ana studied Kate closely for a minute. Then she held out her hand. "We haven't met. I'm Ana."

Kate looked up. She smiled hesitantly and took Ana's hand. "Kate."

"Well, Kate," said Ana, grabbing her pack and hoisting on her back, "are we gonna let the guys have all the fun?"

Maybe Ana wasn't as bad as everyone made her out to be, Kate thought to herself. "Nah, I guess we'd better not." They followed the men outside.

-----

Michael had apparently decided to take a break, Jin noted with relief. He was not a long-distance runner, that was for sure. He understood that Michael's urgency, though, was partly Walt and partly Jack. The search party was probably already on their trail.

"We should have a pretty good lead, now," Michael said. "We can rest some. Eat, drink. Okay?"

Jin nodded. He understood eat and drink, and that was enough for him. He sat on the jungle floor and leaned back againt a tree. It was strange to him to realize how much had changed since the crash. Less than a week after being stranded he had tried to kill Michael, to drown him -in front of his son! And over what? A _watch_? The watch held no meaning for him anymore, literally or figuratively; what good did it do to tell time here? And his father-in-law was so distant, so remote, so...unimportant, it was like he was from another lifetime.

And Sun...he smiled a little to himself at the thought of her. They had changed as well. The island had given them the freedom they needed to find their way again, to find their love again. He didn't even care that she spoke English anymore- he understood that his pride was a sacrifice he had to make to get what he desired. And who cared about pride here? If he wanted to feel proud he could feed people- and Sun would love him all the more. She was right all along-all he had to give her was a flower.

The bushes rustled next to them. In an instant Jin was on his feet, his gun out.

A woman came out, a rifle cradled carelessly in her arms. She didn't seem startled or afraid, but she went directly to Michael and started talking. Jin strained to catch any words...he was only getting random ones...boy...come...now...he gritted his teeth in frustration. Michael was looking agitated, and the woman was insistent. How did he know her? Who was she? They were still arguing, and finally Michael snatched up his pack and put it on. He uncocked his gun and slid it back into his waistband. Slowly Jin did the same. Michael came up to him. "It's Danielle," he said, "and we're going with her. She says she knows where to find Walt."

Jin looked uneasily from one to the other. He would have to trust Michael, what other choice did he have? He wasn't going back.

He nodded. Danielle took the lead and they melted into the jungle.

-----

The six of them walked silently through the jungle. Locke was in the lead, tracking Michael and Jin. Luckily they had left a pretty plain trail, and the team was making good time, though not as fast as Jack would have liked.

Kate was trailing the others, keeping her eyes glued to Sawyer a few paces in front of her. Any sign of weakening or stumbling and he was going back to camp if she had to drag him there. He was keeping up well, though, she had to admit, and from back here she was getting a helluva view.

She was hurt that neither of them had spoken to her, or even looked at her. She could see it from Jack, given the past few days, but Sawyer's behavior was mystifying. Sure, he was an ass, but with the way things had been between them the past few days she just expected something different from him.

She allowed a small smile to play around her lips. He needed her. She liked that feeling, of being needed, and if she had to be honest, she needed him. And that scared her. For so long she had been alone, reliant only on herself. It was easier that way- she didn't have to get close to anyone or let anyone get close to her. She could live comfortably in misery with her memories and guilt and watch the world pass her by. After Tom, she had become merely a robot- going through the motions of life, her only motivation the need to _get away_. She would never love anyone again, she told herself- that was her penance. She closed herself off behind a door of guilt and loneliness, and when someone came knocking she retreated behind it and locked it up tight.

The problem was, Sawyer wasn't knocking. He was blowing the door off its hinges.

Ana-Lucia dropped back a few paces and fell in step with Sawyer. Kate felt a sudden stab of jealousy. She sped up so she could hear what they were saying.

"You don't have any rocks in your pocket, do you?"

Sawyer glared at her. "Not yet, Cupcake, but you can bet I'm pickin' up the next one I see."

Ana grinned. "I don't think you're quite ready to take me on again, Cowboy," she said, eyeing his injured shoulder. "But as soon as you can use both arms, I'll let you have a shot."

"Fine by me, sweetcheeks. But just so you know," he sneered, "I don't _need_ both arms."

Ana chuckled and sped up, moving a few paces in front of him.

He stared at her back, wishing his eyes really could shoot daggers. For a minute he considered picking up a rather large rock on the path. He even bent over to pick it up, then he caught Kate out of the corner of his eye. She was watching him, her hand over her mouth, trying to stifle a laugh. He straightened up and glared at her and she flashed him a smile so dazzling he forgot himself a grinned sheepishly back at her.

In that instant, the tense events of the morning were forgotten. Well, maybe not forgotten, and probably not forgiven, but they were done. In the past. They faced each other, and Kate glanced at Ana's retreating back. She leaned in close to Sawyer and said softly, "I don't think I'd risk that yet, _Cowboy_." He rolled his eyes at her, and they fell into step together.

Jack was itching at the slow pace. He knew John was right- slow and steady was the best way to track, but the trail Michael and Jin left was pretty plain. They could go faster...how would they ever catch them? He glanced back at the others to check their progress, and his heart skipped. Kate and Sawyer were walking side-by-side, arms swinging. As Jack watched, Sawyer caught her fingers and held them lightly, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. Kate looked up at him and smiled, and she was there again, the Secret Kate. Jack looked away guiltily, feeling sick.

The pace was chafing. He wanted to run. He suddenly wished the island would manifest a damn stadium so he could run the stairs until he collapsed.

"Locke," he finally burst out, "could we pick up the pace a little?"

Locke stopped and glanced back at Jack, a little annoyed. He knew this was coming- actually, he was surprised it had taken so long. Jack had been agitated and peevish all day, and John suspected he knew the reason. He'd seen Kate coming out of Sawyer's tent this morning too. But agitated Jack meant impatient Jack, so Locke consented. A little. "We can speed up a little, Jack, but we don't want to miss a -"

The jungle in front of them exploded into the air. The groaning and clanking of the monster roared through the jungle, shaking the ground.

"Run!" Jack screamed, and the group scattered into the shadows.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

The noon sun filtered through the jungle canopy. Danielle was taking them at a much slower pace, almost cautiously. She slowed and held up her hand.

"Quietly, now," she said, and led them forward around a copse of trees.

Michael and Jin stared, dumbfounded. "What the hell is that?" Michael asked, looking aside at Jin, who glanced back at Michael plainly thinking the exact same thing. "The Black Rock? This is the Black Rock? Why the hell did you bring us here?"

"There are some supplies here we need. Stay here, I will be back." She disappeared into the hold.

Michael and Jin looked at each other, both clearly wondering if they had made the right decision in following Danielle. Michael didn't believe her at first, that she knew where to find Walt. She had been insistent, though, and Michael's need to find his boy allowed him to believe her.

He surveyed the clearing, and noticed a box a few feet away from the hull of the ship. He inspected it and noted uneasily that the word "EXPLOSIVES" was stenciled on the side. A few feet away there was a small crater, the earth around it scorched and burned.

Danielle finally emerged, carrying something draped over her arm. She strode up to them and lifted her rifle, cocking it and aiming it at Michael. "Drop your weapons." she commanded, holding the rifle steady over Michael's heart.

"Whoa, whoa," Michael put his hands up warding her off. "What's the hell's going on? Get that gun off me, you crazy-"

She fired a shot over his head. "Drop your guns," she repeated. Michael looked at Jin and they both pulled out the guns and tossed them to the ground. "Put these on," she said, and threw the things she had over her arms at their feet. Michael gazed at them in a stupor- chains?

"What the hell are you doing? Where did you get those? Those are freakin' chains, lady. You think I am gonna-" Danielle swung the rifle butt into Michael's gut and he fell to his knees, gasping for air.

Jin moved to go after her, but in a flash she had the rifle pointed at his head. She motioned to the chains on the ground, then to Jin. "Put them on."

They both complied. Michael hung his head, miserable. What a failure. He had failed everyone. Walt, Jin, Susan...why had he followed her? He knew better than to trust her. Everyone was going to pay the price now.

He hoped like hell Jack _had_ started a search party after them. The irony was not lost on him, and he felt his spirits lift just a little. He looked sideways at Jin and smiled reassuringly. Jin hesitated, then smiled back. Han and Chewie, Michael thought to himself. They _always_ got away.

-----

"Run!" Jack screamed.

The horrible noises echoed through the jungle, making the ground shake and vibrate. It was coming closer. Ana-Lucia froze in terror, staring at the trees shaking and groaning before her. Jack grabbed her and jerked her into the brush, dragging her until she recovered and started running behind him. It felt like hours before they finally ducked into a stand of trees and cowered, listening as the Monster... moved away. It was going. Jack let out his breath, barely even aware that he had been holding it, and he felt Ana do the same. He was suddenly very aware that his arm was looped around Ana's waist. Her back was to him; he could feel her terrified gasps against his chest. "W-what the hell was that?" she finally asked.

"Security system." Jack said.

"Oh. Okay." She lifted Jack's arm from her waist, and holding it away from her, dropped it, stepping away from him. She turned, arms crossed, and said, "Why don't you tell me what it really is, Jack?"

He sighed. Well, she needed to know, right? "A few days after we crashed we took the transciever from the plane and tried to get a signal. We did, but when we tried to transmit one we couldn't because there was already something transmitting. It was a distress call from a french woman who has been stranded here for sixteen years."

Ana interrupted him. "_Has_ been? Does that mean she's alive?"

"Yes. Sayid found her. She said the- whatever that thing is, it's a security system. To protect the island."

"From what?"

Jack shrugged. "You tell me."

Ana studied him. "And that's all you know."

Jack hesitated. "Yeah." He started walking back the way they had come. "Come on, let's find the others."

Ana watched him closely for a minute, then, smiling to herself, started after him.

Locke and Eko were waiting in the clearing. Neither one looked like they had just run half a mile, Locke had barely broken a sweat. Jack looked around at everyone. "You OK?" They all nodded. "Where's Sawyer?" Jack asked. "Where's Kate?"

-----

"Sawyer!" Kate was frantic. He had been right beside her when they started running, but somehow she had lost him. She retraced her steps through the bushes, hardly daring to think about what she might find. "Sawyer!"

"I'm here, Kate."

Her heart stopped- his voice was so weak. And he called her Kate. He only did that if something was wrong. She moved slowly, looking for him. "Where are you?"

"Here."

Kate parted some bushes and she stifled a cry. He was leaned up against a tree, deathly pale. A spot of red was spreading rapidly over his shirt. She put her hand to her mouth went to him, slowly, close to tears.

He looked up at her and grinned weakly. "Hey, Freckles," he said, his voice almost a whisper. "I was hopin' you would stop by."

Kate dropped to her knees beside him. She unbuttoned his shirt and gingerly lifted the edge that covered his wound. She nearly burst into tears. "Oh!" The thick bandage over Sawyer's shoulder was sopping red. Sawyer looked down at it and paled even more. "I-I have to take it off, Sawyer," she said, swallowing hard.

"Well, I'm all for that, sweetheart," he said, grinning again. It faded quickly. "Which first? Shirt or..." his voice trailed off, and Kate looked down at him, panic clawing at her gut.

"Sawyer! Sawyer...wake up,baby...come on..." Kate tried to revive him. She was shaking and she couldn't breathe...panic was taking over. She started counting. "One...two...three...four...five."

She exhaled, trembling. Sawyer was still out. She checked his breathing, then sighed and lifted the edge of his shirt again, pushing it off of his shoulder. Taking a deep breath she pulled slowly on the edge of the blood-soaked bandage and it came off with a sickening squelch. To her relief she could tell the bleeding had slowed, it was mostly just seeping around the edges. She didn't know what to do, so she took a spare shirt out of her backpack and pressed it to the wound.

Sawyer stirred. "Kate..."

"I'm right here," she said gently. "Keep still."

He mumbled again. "Kate..."

The mumbling was scaring her a little. He sounded like he did in the hatch. She brushed a strand of hair from his eyes, touching his forehead. It was still cool, thank God. "I'm here, Sawyer. It's OK."

His eyes cracked and found her next to him. He smiled weakly at her, and his good hand rose slowly and caressed her cheek. She leaned into it, looking into his eyes.

She moved the shirt and Sawyer groaned and dropped his hand. The bleeding had stopped but it looked horrible- an inflamed, ugly, purplish red. "Kate..."  
His eyes were drooping again. "I love you."

She froze. _What?_ She looked down at him in shock, but he was already out cold.

-----

Jack was pacing like a caged lion while Locke tried to figure out which way Sawyer and Kate had gone. He was trying to unravel the footsteps all around the clearing, but flying debris and flying feet had obliterated much of the trail. Jack's tense pacing was also unnerving him a bit.

"Which way did they go Locke? Do you know or not?"

"Jack, I appreciate your need to go after them, but patience is the key." He returned to studying the footprints.

Jack glared at his back. Ana, who had been lounging against a tree watching Jack and Locke for the last thirty minutes, went to him. "Jack, can I talk to you? For a minute?"

He hesitated, then glaring one last time at Locke's back, he nodded. They walked away until they were out of earshot."What is it, Ana?"

"You don't trust Locke, Jack. Why?"

Jack was taken aback by the question. "What?"

Ana-Lucia looked him in the eye. "I have been watching the two of you, Jack, and you don't trust him. I want to know why."

"That's a pretty damn personal question, Ana, don't you think?" Jack was a little annoyed.

She leaned in and said, "Well, this is a pretty damn strange island, Jack. And I have the feeling you and Locke know a lot more than you are telling. If you two have been working together for the _greater good_, then why don't you trust him?" She glanced away quickly, then looked back at Jack. "I guess what I am saying, Jack, is I want to be a part of what goes on here. I'm tired of feeling like an outsider. But in order for me to make informed decisions, I have to be informed." She glanced in the direction of the clearing. "And I would like to have your version of the information first." She studied Jack for a moment, to see if he understood what she was saying. "So, why don't you trust him?"

"He lied. And that lie led to the death of one of us."

Ana's gut clenched. "Is that the only rea-"

"Jack!" Locke called. "I found it! It's here!"

He glanced at Ana, then took off back to the clearing.

-----

Kate was still kneeling beside Sawyer, stunned. He loved her? He said it, didn't he? He was out of his mind, Kate! Get it together! She couldn't tear her eyes from him, she couldn't move...she was terrified. How could he love her? He knew what she was- a murderer, a liar- how could he? Because he is me, she thought. He's a murderer and a liar, too, and he _gets_ me.

There, in a nutshell, was the difference between Sawyer and Jack. Jack would never really understand her. He could never look past her imperfections- no matter what she did or said, he would always think of her as a murderer first. But Sawyer didn't give a st if she was a criminal. It was as natural to him as it was to her. He was right- they had a connection. Kate was only beginning to appreciate how deep that connection could be.

Sawyer stirred and opened his eyes. Some of his color had returned. He looked around, a little disoriented.

"You okay?" Kate whispered.

Sawyer gazed at her. She was kneeling beside him, strands of her hair hanging over her eyes. She looked so worried, so scared. He wanted to reach out for her, to hold her, but his arms were heavy.

"Fine," he croaked. "How long was I out?"

Kate was startled to realize that she didn't know. "Uh, just a few minutes, I think." It could have been five or thirty. "You need water," she said, and handed him a bottle. He drank it thirstily.

He looked over at his shoulder. The bleeding had stopped, but it was inflamed and crusted with dried blood. "You think I'm gonna live, Freckles?" he asked, not entirely joking.

"I think so, Tex," she said. "You didn't get a fever."

"Fever-" he said, and started to raise himself. He grunted at the pain in his shoulder and sat back down, hard.

"What are you doing? Be still! What's wrong?" Kate asked.

"I need my pack," he said. "My pills are in there. I forgot to take one this morning." He looked at her quizzically. "What are you grinnin' at?"

She opened the pouch on her pack and pulled out his pill bottle. "You mean these, Sawyer?" she laughed. "You didn't leave them in your pack, you left them in your tent." Sawyer flashed her a disgusted look. She leaned over him and whispered, "I guess you _do_ need a damn nursemaid."

He stared at her for a second. He could feel her knees against his thigh, and her hair brushed lightly against his chest. He kissed her. It was deep and slow. His hand wrapped itself in her hair, pulling her closer. She put a hand on the tree trunk behind his head, trying to balance herself so she wouldn't touch his shoulder. Her other hand rested on his chest, her fingers curling lightly against it.

His tongue began a leisurely exploration of hers. She felt lost, she couldn't stop- he filled her senses. The feel of his skin, his fingers in her hair; the wild, animal smell of him, she could taste his sweat on her lips; she could hear his heart beating wildly against his chest. She opened her mouth wider, trying to swallow him in.

His hand left her hair and moved slowly, gently to her waist. She was wearing his favorite shirt- the purple tank top that rode up on her when she moved. He helped it along, inching it up as he slid his hand underneath, caressing the smooth skin on her back. He could feel her muscles gliding beneath his fingers. Kate let out a soft moan against his lips, and he felt a wave of desire and emotion so powerful he clenched his fingers into her, hard.

"Kate," he spoke, his mouth muffled against hers. "Stop. We have to stop."

She pulled back, reluctantly, flushed and breathing raggedly. She looked at him questioningly.

"My shoulder," he said, though it was a lie. She immediately leaned back, her eyes concerned.

"Are you okay?"

Not really. It wasn't his shoulder. It was the _feeling_. He wasn't ready for it. He's felt like a black hole was opening up beneath him and once he fell into it he could never get out again. No woman had ever made him feel like that and it was scaring the st out of him.

He nodded, more to ease Kate's worry than anything. "I'm okay."

They sat in silence, neither daring to move. The tension was almost something they could touch.

"Kate! Sawyer!" Jack's voice broke the moment sharply. He and Locke stumbled into the clearing. He took in the scene quickly. "You okay?" he asked her, looking relieved. She nodded, rising. "What happened, Sawyer?"

His eyes were still on Kate. She was staring back at him. He broke his gaze to turn to Jack. "I fell when we were runnin'. Crawled up against this tree and passed out. Woke up to Freckles here administerin' CPR. Funny thing though," he smirked, " I was already breathin'." He looked back to Kate. She had her hand over her mouth, trying to cover up a laugh. His dimples deepened.

Jack looked between the two of them, his heart sinking. Trying to ignore them he opened his pack and took out the rubbing alcohol. He let an evil little smile play upon his lips. He was gonna enjoy this.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

The late afternoon sun blazed down on the three people walking single file through the jungle. The air was stifling and silent, broken only by the chatter of the birds in the canopy and the whir of insects. Michael was exhausted, mentally and physically. He could feel Danielle's rifle pointed at his back and it was freaking him out a little. Jin walked in front of him, head down, obviously tired; Michael felt a brief stab of guilt but it faded quickly, replaced by weariness and despair.

The chains were godawful. The iron was old and heavy, it dug into their sweat-chafed skin, leaving their wrists raw and bloody. They pulled on their backs and shoulders like lead weights, wearing them out from the effort to remain upright. Poor Jin, Michael thought dully. He just got rid of that _damn_ handcuff, and now...He stifled a tired half-sob, wiping his watering eyes with the back of his hand.

He had failed, in every way possible. His relationship with Susan had been a bust; he had given up his art; he had failed as a father _twice_; and now he let himself get tricked by a crazy French woman who had him in 200-year-old slave chains taken from an English galleon lodged in some rocks two miles inland, marching him to God-knows-where in the haunted damn jungle that had monsters and polar bears in it...the absurdity of the situation made him cackle crazily.

Jin turned to look at him, curious as to why Michael would be laughing. He hoped he hadn't snapped- he'd seen people break under a lot less pressure than Michael was dealing with. He could sympathize; losing a child under any circumstance was horrible.

"Keep forward." Danielle said, and Jin glared at her before turning back. He wanted to wrap the chains around her throat and strangle the life out of her.

Michael glanced back at her with a malevolent stare. She was costing him any chance he had of finding Walt. He hated her. "Where are you taking us?" he spat at her.

She jabbed him in the side with the barrel of the rifle. "Walk." Glaring at her with all of the bitter venom he could muster, he faced forward again, shaking with rage and humiliation. She prodded him again and he walked a few defeated steps before she spoke. "I am taking you to Them."

Michael and Jin turned at the same time. "What?" It was nearly a shout, and Danielle shushed them quickly.

"No more questions. Walk, or I will shoot you." She smiled insanely. "I assure you, it would not be the first time I have killed."

They both believed her. And started walking.

Michael began figuring in his head, trying to reason out exactly how far Jack should be behind them. His mental lethargy and physical exhaustion had been replaced by violent, irrational fear. It energized him, and his mind cleared...If he and Jin left about two hours before dawn, and they ran most of the morning...If they were missed early on, and Jack got a party together quickly...If their trail was easy to follow...If Danielle's slower pace let Jack catch up..If, If, If. He wanted to scream in frustration. Jack may not even have left camp yet.

"He is safe with Them, you know." Danielle spoke behind him. "Your boy. It is what is best for him."

Michael spun around and walked up to her, the rifle barrel jammed against his heart. "Don't tell me what's best for my boy," he snarled dangerously, jabbing an angry finger in her face. She stared at him, astonished. He shoved the rifle away and stalked over to Jin, who was observing them warily.

She looked sad. She lost her daughter, Michael thought suddenly. Just like I lost my son. He felt a flicker of understanding laced with pity.

"All roads lead here, Michael." she said suddenly. "I wish you could trust me." She still seemed sad, but it was overcast by the glimmering light of lunacy in her eyes. Empathy gone in a flash, Michael laughed at her shrilly.

"Trust you? Why shouldn't I trust you? You've got me in _slave chains_ with a rifle between my shoulderblades! You're a lunatic! _And_ a liar." He stopped, eyes narrowing. "You said you were taking me to my son."

Danielle was looking dejected again, the craziness gone from her eyes. She stared sadly at Michael for a moment, then said, softly. "I am."

She cocked the rifle again and pointed them down the road only she could see.

-----

She kept finding reasons to touch him. She was like an addict, craving the electric tingle of his skin against hers. He was sleeping, his head cradled in her lap; she stroked his hair, gazing absently at Locke, Jack, and Eko huddled together on the other side of the clearing. "Just like watching C-span, eh, Tex?" She murmured gently in his ear, smiling softly. _He loved her._. The thought kept crowding her mind, pushing in insistently when she least expected it. How is his shoulder? _He loves me_. Are we going to catch Michael and Jin? _He loves me._ That kiss, barely an hour ago. _He loves me._ She couldn't wrap her mind around it, it was too big, too much for her to take in all at once.

She wasn't even sure how to feel about it. She felt _something_ for Sawyer, that was undeniable. But was it love? Tom was the only man she had loved before, but that was like comparing apples to oranges. They were too different. With Tom it had been sweet and innocent; tender and affectionate; with Sawyer it was wild and bittersweet; hard and electric. But wasn't that who she was now? Katie was dead; she died with Tom in the hospital parking garage. In her place grew Kate; empty, lonely, guilty Kate.

Empty, lonely, guilty Sawyer. She smiled softly. Maybe they were meant for each other. At the very least they _deserved_ each other. Wasn't that something?

Ana-Lucia was lounging against a tree a few feet away. She watched Kate for a few seconds, then walked over and squatted down next to her. "You look really familiar to me," she said without preamble. "Have I seen you before?"

"No," Kate said quickly, instinctively tensing. "I don't think so." Calm down, she chastised herself. You're being paranoid.

Ana was studying her closely. Kate found the scrutinization a little disconcerting, and she was about to say something when Ana said, "I'm usually pretty good with faces. It'll come to me eventually." Kate said a quick prayer that it wouldn't. "How is he?" She nodded at Sawyer.

Kate glanced down at him and seemed a little surprised that she was stroking his hair. "Okay, I guess. He was too weak for this." She glanced at Ana. "He's stubborn."

Ana chuckled. "Yeah, I noticed." She stared at Sawyer for a beat, then said, "I don't think he likes me much."

Kate grinned. "Don't take it personally. He doesn't like anybody." But _he loves me_. Kate's heart skipped a beat.

Ana grinned and stood up, looking over at the huddle. They seemed to have come to some sort of a decision. Locke and Eko disappeared into the jungle. She met Jack halfway across the clearing.

He handed her a water bottle.

"What's this?" Jack glanced around guiltily, then leaned close and whispered into Ana's ear. She nodded. "Okay."

Kate was getting up, gently lowering Sawyer's head down onto the ground. She straightened, brushing off her jeans as Jack came up to her. "What's up, Jack?"

"We need to talk." He nodded towards the jungle. "In private."

"Okay." Kate was bewildered. What couldn't he say in front of everyone else? He took her arm firmly and led her away from the clearing, not stopping until they were well out of earshot. Anxiety began clawing at her insides. "What's going on, Jack?"

"He has to go back, Kate."

"What?"

"Sawyer. He has to go back." He hesitated. "We have to _make_ him go back."

Kate swallowed hard. Her mouth felt like it was stuffed with cotton. "I know you're right Jack, but how are we going to _make_ him do anything?"

It pained Jack to say the words. "He'll do it for you, Kate."

She stared at him, dumbfounded. "What?"

"I was in the hatch too, remember?" Jack said bitterly. She probably _didn't_ remember him being there. God, that stung. "You got him to take the pill. He listens to you."

Kate stared at Jack like he was insane. "He was _unconcious_, Jack! He's a little bit harder to manage when he's awake!"

Jack looked disappointed. "So you won't even try." Kate's averted eyes gave him the answer. He sighed wearily. "Well, that only leaves us one option. He won't go willingly so...I brought some sleeping pills-"

Kate broke in, horrified. "You're not drugging him, Jack!"

"You sure as hell didn't hesitate to drug me, Kate!" he snapped. "What makes this different?"

"You were going to kill yourself, Jack! I was afraid you were going to die!"

Jack gestured angrily toward the clearing. "If he doesn't go back to the hatch, Kate- if he keeps pushing himself, _he_ is going to die." He glared at her. "And I know you don't want that." Seeing the miserable look in her eyes, he softened. "This is what has to happen, Kate."

She knew he was right. She sighed. "Give me the damn pills, Jack. I'll do it."

He wouldn't look at her. "Ana-Lucia is already doing it."

"_What?_" She hissed. She glared at him and made a break for the clearing.

Jack grabbed her arm. "Don't, Kate. It's done."

"You didn't trust me to do it, Jack." She shook her head in disbelief. "Is this because of the hatch, Jack? Or is this because of what happened on the path?"

"You tell me, Kate." Jack snapped. "You kissed me, remember? I didn't invite you to do that." He stepped closer, "I saw you with him in the hatch, Kate. And cutting his hair, and coming out of his tent. How he looks at you." Jack swallowed, looking away. "How you look at him." The words stuck in his throat. "I thought...maybe...you and me..." he stopped, unsure how to continue. "I thought there was..." He looked miserable, and Kate gently touched his arm. "Do you love him Kate?"

The word surprised her even as she said it. "Yes." She did. _I love him._

Jack blinked back tears. "Then why did you kiss me?"

Kate couldn't bear to look at him. "Because I wanted it to be you, Jack." She pulled her arm out of his grasp. "But it isn't."

"Well, well, well," Sawyer drawled from behind Kate. Her blood froze. "What's this about a kiss?"


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**  
Sawyer groaned. He hurt. His shoulder was on fire- the doc only poured about a gallon of alcohol on it. "Jackass", he muttered to himself. The bastard probably enjoyed it too. His mouth felt like it was stuffed with cotton. He cracked his eyes, but the sun glared harshly and his vision swam. There was someone leaning over him...Kate. He smiled at her as she handed him something. Maybe waking up wasn't such a bad thing after all. "Hey, Freck-" he stopped, as his vision cleared. Ana-Lucia was grinning at him. "Oh, shit." he mumbled, and closed his eyes again, hoping if he opened them...dammit. He sighed irritably. "What do you want, Butch?" He struggled to sit up.

"Up and at 'em, Sunshine. We're moving out. And before you ask, she's gone to get some water. No need to get your boxers all in a twist." She stood and retreated a few steps.

Sawyer didn't answer, just glared at her. It irked him that he was so easy to read where Kate was concerned, because, of course, he _had_ been about to ask after her. He noticed the water bottle in his hand and drank it, mainly to create a diversion from thoughts of Kate. Ana watched him and smiled.

Sawyer glanced around. The clearing was empty. "Where's everybody at, cupcake? You kill 'em all off?"

Ana grinned. "Nah. _You_ would have been the first to go." She patted the club at her side comfortingly. "Locke and Eko are scouting the trail ahead." She paused and watched Sawyer for his reaction. "Jack is with Kate." She wasn't disappointed.

Jealousy ripped through Sawyer like an icy knife. She was with _Jack_? Unbelieveable. He stood angrily, the pain in his shoulder balancing out the gripping pain in his chest. "Which way did they go?"

Ana smiled at him. "Why, you going after them?" She was enjoying this. As a cop, her survival depended on the ability to read people. Over the years she had developed it into sort of a game; figure out what buttons to push, and watch the reactions-people gave away more than they realized just with body language and tone of voice. Her method didn't make her a lot of friends, and she knew she came across as a bitch, but survival was the most important thing.

Something was going on between the three of them- Jack, Kate and Sawyer, and she wanted to know what it was. She wasn't interested in Sawyer- she knew his type. She arrested guys like him four times a day, a smartass with a chip on his shoulder and a long rap sheet. And anyway, he was _obviously_ gone for Kate, and she for him. It was the thing...the intangible something between Kate and Jack that fascinated her. She couldn't read it, couldn't get a grip on it- and it driving her crazy.

She had been attracted to Jack the instant she saw him- yelling at the ticket agent in the airport. He seemed so _good_, so decent- he just wanted to bury his father, lady! But underneath there was guilt, an undercurrent so strong Ana felt herself getting dragged along with it. She tailed him to the bar, watching him, reading him...she was enthralled by him. When she saw him in the jungle, that day...the look of disappointment on his face had stunned her.

Sawyer sneered at her. "No, I ain't going after them, Sherlock." He waved his almost-empty water bottle at her. "I need water too. We got a long walk ahead of us." He glared at her. "Now which way did they go?"

Suppressing a laugh, Ana pointed in the direction Jack and Kate had gone. Sawyer shoved off into the bushes, cursing and muttering as he went. Ana waited a minute, then followed silently behind him.

He was in agony, and furious with himself for caring about what she did. Of course she was going to be around Jack, it was inevitable. But things had been so _different_ between them since the hatch; he felt almost betrayed by her for going with Jack and leaving him behind. Obviously, things hadn't changed too much if all Jackass had to do was crook his finger at her and she was at his side like an obedient puppy. Sawyer's rage kicked up a notch. And that look she had, whenever she saw him; that mix of puppy love and hero-worship made him want to rip Jack's arms off and beat him to death with them.

He heard them, up ahead. He slowed down, trying not to make a sound. He wanted to see them; he _needed_ to see her. She was like a magnet, drawing him closer... he could just make out their words.

"...Yes." It was Kate. His heart twisted.

They were silent. For a second he thought he had been discovered, but neither moved. He could only see the back of her tank- he had a brief vision of his hand sliding underneath it, caressing her silky skin and feeling the slide of her firm muscles- but he could see Jack's face. He snorted. Looks like Jackass was cryin'. Hee.

Jack spoke. "Then why did you kiss me?"

Sawyer's world went black. He didn't hear Kate's answer, if she gave one- his head was buzzing like a hive of bees. He wanted to _kill_ Jack. He felt dizzy; taking deep breaths, he brought the world back into focus. He composed himself, and allowed the comforting weight of hatred and violence to settle back onto his shoulders. Setting his mouth in a smirk, he strolled into the glade.

"Well, well, well," he drawled. "What's this about a kiss?"

-----

Michael was going to drop if they didn't stop soon. The chains were draining, and his mind was so fatigued he couldn't put together a coherent thought. Walt...Walt...Walt...it was the only word he knew, and it pounded through his head in synchronization with his footsteps.

He heard Jin stumble and grunt and he mustered a brief flash of guilt, but his misery won out and his brain went back to thumping out the same word in the same rhythm...Walt...Walt...Walt.

He didn't even realize they had left the jungle and come out onto a beach. He glanced around,but nothing really registered, until his eyes rested on a giant teepee made out of bamboo poles. At the top sat a giant cauldron, and a huge column of black smoke rose from it.

Terror jolted Michael from his stupor. "What is that?"

Danielle pointed the rifle at him. "Move over there," she said, motioning at a tree a few yards away. She stood them up against the tree, then handed them each a wide strip of black cloth. "Put those over your eyes," she commanded. Michael felt her grab his arm. He didn't even have the energy to jerk it away. He heard a click and one of the iron cuffs came off. She had a _key_? Danielle pulled his arms around the tree, and he felt the cuff click back onto his wrist. He heard Jin grunt and figured she was doing the same to him.

"That is their signal," Danielle finally said. She stepped away. "They will come for you after nightfall." He voice was sounding faraway. "Perhaps we shall meet again."

"You better hope not, you crazy bitch!" Michael screamed at her. His grief and fury exploded. He jerked uselessly at the cuffs holding him to the tree. "You better not set foot on my friggin' side of the island, you friggin' fruitcake! I'll kill you! I'll friggin' kill you!"

His energy spent, Michael slid down the trunk of the tree wearily. He was done. He heard Jin speak beside him, but he didn't have the energy to reply. He lost track of time...seconds slurred into minutes...minutes drifted into hours...he didn't know...his head dropped and he slept uneasily.

Jin heard him snore softly, and he sighed quietly in relief.

-----

Kate couldn't move. She could feel his eyes boring into her back. She was afraid to move, to look behind her. _How much had he heard?_ She tried to gauge Sawyer by watching Jack's face- what she saw wasn't great. I guess he heard enough, she thought bitterly. She took a deep breath and glanced back at him. He was leaning against a tree, smirking. But his eyes were hard and dangerous- and he was staring at Jack with a scary intensity.

He wasn't looking at her. He was afraid to- all of the guilt, frustration, uncertainty, and pain of the past few days was coming to a boil. His hands already itched to be around Jack's throat; if he looked into her eyes and found Jack there...he didn't know what he would do. What he _might_ do scared him to death. "You makin' time with my girl, chief?"

Kate's stomach did a peculiar little flip-flop when he called her his girl. She ignored it.

Jack didn't miss the dangerous look in Sawyer's eye. He wasn't worried, hell, the man was barely standing and he only had one arm. And judging by the empty water bottle in his hand, he had a bellyfull of sleeping pills too. "He smiled without humor and said, "No, I'm not, Sawyer. We were just talking."

He sneered. "Yeah. I heard, chief. Something about a kiss." Kate turned around and he finally looked at her, unable to hold out any more. He would see what he would see. "You wanna tell me all about it, sweetcheeks?"

Kate lifted her eyes to his. His heart lifted at what he saw there; hurt, and fear, and guilt. But there was also need, and want...and desire. And no Jack. Everything was forgotten; he didn't care what she did or said, _if she would just keep looking at him that way_. For a brief second, Jack, the island, the crash, _the world_ fell away, and they were the only two creatures in existence.

Sawyer's knees suddenly went weak and buckled. Kate shot an accusatory glare at Jack and rushed to Sawyer's side, helping him gently down to the ground. He was disoriented and dazed, and he looked up at Kate. "Wha-" he slurred, and his eyes rolled up into his head. He was out cold. Again.

Jack stared at them for a moment. Kate was on her knees next to him, her hand in his. Jack blinked his stinging eyes, then headed out of the glade. He called back, "I'll send Eko when he gets back. Why don't you just stay here?" It was nasty and sarcastic, but Jack knew without turning around it didn't matter. She hadn't heard a word he'd said.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

"Are you sure this is the way they went, Locke?"

John rubbed his forehead in exasperation. Jack had asked him that same question every fifteen minutes for the past few hours. It was becoming irritating.

He glanced at Ana, who was holding a torch, watching them. She looked a little frightened. He supposed he couldn't blame her. About an hour after leaving the glade they had come to a spot where another set of footprints joined Michael and Jin's. Locke said he didn't recognize them, and they had been spurred by fear of who could have met up with them. But the events of the day had drained them all; they were exhausted. Exhausted people made mistakes; that was a risk they couldn't afford to take.

"Yes, Jack, this is the way." He paused, steeling himself for battle. Jack had that crazy, over-the-edge-of-reason look in his eye, and Locke knew from experience that this was going to be very difficult. "But we need to stop. The light is gone, I don't want to miss something-"

"We have torches."

Locke's patience was wearing thin. Jack had been an ass all day and it was getting old. "Jack, we're tired. We need to make camp and rest. We'll be back on the trail at first light-"

"Michael and Jin are out there, John," Jack said, as if he didn't _know_ that. He was really tiring of the attitude. "We have to find them, what if they need us? They are out there, with -someone- we don't know who, doing who knows what-"

"Jack!" Locke snapped. "I know they are out there with-someone. You're right, we don't know who- but we don't know how many, either. It's dark, and we don't know the territory. Do you really think chasing after them _now_ is the best possible plan?" He leaned close to Jack, the firelight reflecting in his eyes. "Patience is a quality in which you are sorely lacking, Jack." He smiled quickly. "And that is going to be your downfall."

Jack glared at him crazily. "Is that a threat, John?"

Locke chuckled and backed away a few steps. "No, Jack, it's not a threat." He looked him in the eye and smiled slowly. "It's a ...prediction." He held his arms out, feeling the night air on them. It was invigorating. His body felt full of impulses, electric sparks that pulled this way and that, at the whim of the island. "Do you know where we are, Jack?"

Jack rolled his eyes. "You're the tracker, Locke," he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "Aren't _you_ supposed to know that?"

"Oh, Jack," he said quickly, grinning widely. "I know _exactly_ where I am." He paused, and lowered his arms. "You're the one who is lost." He turned and disappeared around a thick stand of trees.

Ana watched the exchange with interest. Breathing heavily, Jack stared after Locke with hatred, and -fear? Jack looked up and caught Ana watching him. He held her gaze, for a minute...and another...then she broke it off, nodding after Locke.

"I'll bet you twenty bucks he's a boy scout back home." She smiled at him and added, "He's probably loads of fun around a campfire."

Jack chuckled at the idea of Locke in a boy scout uniform, singing songs and roasting marshmallows. He sighed, giving in, and said, "I guess you're gonna find out." He let her pass and followed her around the thicket of trees.

"Jesus, Jack, what is that?" Ana was amazed by her capacity to continue being surprised by things on this island. There was a _ship_ sitting up on some rocks. Two miles inland. She noted Jack and Locke didn't seem surprised. They'd been here before.

"The Black Rock," said Locke. Ana raised her torch and surveyed the clearing. She noticed a crate a few feet away, and she sidestepped a shallow hole as she moved toward it.

Jack was staring, horrified, at the ship. "Why would they come here? There's only one reason...John, they came after the- ANA! DON'T!"

She froze as they both yelled at her. She could just read the writing on the box- EXPLOSIVES. "It's dynamite," Locke said. "We used it to blow the hatch." He gestured at her torch. "That probably isn't a good idea." Jack took a few steps toward her.

"Right." She took a step backwards- into the hole. She lost her balance and fell, dropping the torch; it fell six inches from the crate. Jack caught her just before she hit the ground and she twisted, reaching for the torch. He didn't expect her to throw her weight that way and he over-compensated, tumbling them both into a pile of twisted arms and legs. Locke dove for the torch, and he moved a safe distance away, watching with amusement as they tried to extricate themselves.

Ana got up first, dusting her clothes off and staring at Jack with disgust. Jack stood hastily, wiping the dirt from his face with the bottom of his shirt. He returned Ana's glare, then looked down at the hole. His glare faded and he paled. "Blast crater," he said, sadly. "We had an...incident."

Ana cringed at the implications of that statement. "Right. No torch around the dynamite. Check."

Jack didn't smile. He stared at the Arzt-hole for a while, then wearily joined Locke and Ana by the campfire.

-----

The whispers were all around him. He couldn't understand them, they whickered by his ears and rustled around his head, but he couldn't grasp the words. He leaned forward, to hear better, then realized he couldn't, he was still chained to a tree. He pulled futilely on the chains, but they hurt, chafing his already raw wrists and his numbed arms.

The whispers grew louder...they swirled around him, making him dizzy. Then there was silence- the waves didn't crash, the birds didn't sing, even the insects were silent. It was suffocating and all enveloping. It was terrifying.

He felt something against his arm- he tried to jerk it away but the cuffs cut into his arms. The touch was unnatural, it felt like he was biting on tinfoil whenever it made contact with his skin. One of his cuffs opened and fell away; something grabbed his collar and pulled him to his feet. He wobbled stiffly, then gingerly he stretched his muscles. He heard groaning next to him, and turned blindly. "Michael?" he asked.

Michael graoned again. "Yeah, man, I'm okay. You?"

"Okay." He reached up for his blindfold, but something stopped him, holding his hand down. He recoiled from the feel of it. He didn't try to take the blindfold off again.

The cuff still attatched to him grew taut, pulling against his abraded skin. He stepped forward, reluctantly. He felt Michael brush against him.

The silence lifted. The last thing they heard before melting into the jungle was the hiss and sputter of the signal fire being put out.

-----

Kate sat in the rollaway chair, her feet tucked up under her. Her face was suffused with a soft green glow from the computers, it was the only light in the hatch. She ran her fingers absently along the edge of the desk, thinking about the man sleeping in his boxers just a few feet away from her.

She was eager for him to wake up, but she was apprehensive, too. Nothing had been resolved in the glade, and she wasn't looking forward to him realizing he was in the hatch. She felt bad about what she'd done, though not because of the drugging; Jack was right, he would have died. What bothered her was that _she_ should have been the one to do it. She had panicked; making a decision like that would mean she was _responsible_ for him, and she wasn't ready for that. She wanted him, she loved him, but she wasn't ready to own him.

On the way back from the jungle she had been so scared; Eko was strong and fast, and they had padded Sawyer's shoulder, but she had to fight to keep from checking for blood every five minutes. Once inside, she had taken off his boots, and his filthy, bloodstained shirt, throwing it into the trash. Eko had to help with his jeans, though he had kindly averted his eyes when she had blushed madly (thinking slightly dirty thoughts about his boxers). Sun had been on duty, but it wasn't hard to convince her to go. Kate was going to be awake anyway, at least now they were alone.

The alarm went off and Kate enetered the numbers automatically, hitting execute.

"Kate." It wasn't a question. He knew she was there.

She unfolded from the chair and padded through the darkness to him. "Hello, sailor."

Sawyer couldn't see her; it was so dark and close. But he could feel her, feel the electricity radiating from her. Something was...off. He couldn't figure it out.

"How are you feeling?" Her hand slipped into his.

He thought about it for a second. "When I was about eight years old," he said, his eyes searching the blackness for her," me and my cousin Jesse got into my daddy's moonshine stash." He sensed her grinning, and he squeezed her fingers gently. "I musta drank all of two shots before I threw up all over my gramma's prize-winnin' antique quilt."

Kate laughed. "That bad, huh?"

"Only difference this time, Freckles, is my ass ain't gettin' whipped with a hickory switch." Kate felt him grinning at her. "Unless you wanna do it."

She squeezed his fingers back, and her lips brushed his. Then she was gone. "Hickory is in short supply on this island, Tex. I guess I'll have to find something else."

He lay still a moment longer, contemplating the possibilities, then, groaning, he sat up on the edge of a -_bed?_ What the hell? Something clicked. "Kate!" he yelled, "What the hell are we doing in the hatch?"

The hall light came on. She was in the doorway, staring at him with fear and a little regret. She didn't say anything.

"How did I get here? Last thing I remember was-" His face hardened and he stood quickly, grasping his shoulder in pain. Kate moved to help him but he pushed her hands away icily. "Get away from me."

That cut her. "I'm sorry, Sawyer, okay? You were going to die out there, how could I let that happen? I-"

His eyes narrowed. "You really think _that's_ what this is about, Freckles?" He pushed past her, towards the hatch. "What'd you do, drug me?" She didn't answer and he stopped, rolling his head around to her. "Oh, yeah. Well, poisoning is your thing, ain't it." His eyes bored into hers.

She was aghast. "What?"

"Nothin'," he sneered. "Just thinkin' about _Michael._" He emphasized Michael's name, giving her a piercing look.

"I didn't do it, Sawyer." He wasn't sure if she was talking about him or Mike. He cocked his head at her. "It was Jack's idea."

She knew instantly she'd said the wrong thing. That cold, dangerous light came into his eyes. He spun on her, grabbing her wrist tightly. "Jack's idea?" He pushed her back against the wall, hard- he felt a little sorry at the _oof_ she let out, but then he pressed against her, covering her body with his. She was suddenly very aware that he was wearing nothing but boxers. "Of course, Saint Jack says it and it's gold," he drawled icily, his finger against her cheek. She was trembling all over, not daring to look up at him, and he traced the outline of her jaw down to her chin. He lifted her face up to his, his eyes gleaming with fury. "Or maybe it's the Doc's kisses that are gold," he said, and then he kissed her hard, crushing his lips against hers. He expected her to fight back, to struggle, but she didn't; instead she opened up and let him in. Her hand went to the back of his neck, dragging him to her, closer, harder. His good hand wrapped itself in her hair, and they clung to each other as if they were drowning.

Kate's fingertips dipped into the waistband of his boxers, then withdrew quickly. He groaned against her, and they dipped again, deeper, then gone again. Tease, he thought. You're going to pay for that. He slid his hand against her stomach, lifting her shirt little by little as he explored; she obliged him by reaching up and pulling the tank off and dropping it to the floor.

Sawyer pulled back a little to look at her. God, she was beautiful. Her eyes were glowing, she stared at him hungrily. He was still leaning on her, pressing her lightly against the wall- the feel of her bare skin against his was intoxicating. They stood together like that for a minute, enjoying the delicious freedom of _giving in_, delighting in the feel of leaning into each other.

Kate kissed him, this time, a deep, sweet, slow kiss. He wanted his hands to be all over her, all at once; he cursed the useless arm dangling at his side. His arm circled her waist and pulled her up against him, and she moaned softly. He couldn't wait. "Kate," he groaned. "The bed."

She didn't hesitate.

Kate shed her clothes quickly, then bent to help Sawyer with his boxers. Her face was flushed, and she could feel him grinning at her. "I know what you're thinking," she said, glancing up at him with a dazzling smile. "And it's definitely going to happen."

-----

They lay entwined together on the bed, still coated with a slick sheen of sweat. Sawyer pushed a lock of hair from her eyes, then bent down and kissed her gently.

The alarm went off. Kate climbed over Sawyer and padded out to the computer, still naked; she said a silent, quick prayer that nobody walked in. She typed quickly, 4...8...15...16...23...42...execute. She hurried back. Sawyer was holding the covers up, inviting her in; he had a rapt, awestruck expression. "What?" Kate asked, crawling under the covers.

"I just realized Freckles," he said, gazing at her,"I'm sleepin' with the woman who just saved the world."

Kate smiled, but it was a little sad. She rolled up on her elbow, looking at Sawyer. "My dad used to watch these old Marx Brothers movies when I was a kid," she said, and he listened, not sure where she was going with this. "In one of them, I don't know which, Groucho says, 'I would never want to belong to a club that would have someone like me for a member' or something along those lines. And it stuck with me, you know, because I thought, yeah, that's _me._ I would never be...good enough." He was staring at her, unable to look away; her eyes were glistening. "So, I ask myself, every time I hit that button, 'Do I want to belong to a world that would allow someone like me to save it?'"

Sawyer didn't know what to say. He pulled the covers over them, losing them in their own little world.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**  
The sun was barely up and already Ana was dripping with perspiration. She pushed a sweaty strand of hair from her eyes and glanced around; Locke was ahead of her, examining some footprints, and Jack was a few yards behind, watching Locke. He had been quiet so far, not really saying much to her and completely ignoring John.

Locke intrigued her. He talked like a lunatic, but Ana knew crazy...and John _wasn't_ crazy. A little spooky, maybe.

He was crouching down, touching his fingertips to slight indentations in the soil. He didn't look up. "Something is different about these tracks," he said, frowning to himself. "They've shifted the way they are walking, their posture is different." He scratched his head, then glanced up at Ana.

"How do you know that?" she asked.

Locke eyed her steadily for a moment, then pointed at one of the clearer indentations. "This is Jin's print. It's larger than Michael's, and deeper, because he's heavier." He looked up at Ana, who was watching with interest. He smiled, and pointed to the deepest part of the depression. "Usually the heel is the deepest part of a human track, because so much force comes down on it. But this is the ball of his foot. Something is weighing them down, in the front, like they are carrying weights."

"Any idea of what it could be?"

"Nope." he said, and stood, taking out his water bottle. He took a drink, watching her from the corner of his eye. He noticed that Jack was watching them suspiciously. He'd shaken Jack last night, he knew, with his comments about patience and Jack's downfall.

Ana nodded at the ground. "Where did you learn all that stuff?"

He smiled, and took another drink. He recapped his bottle before he answered her. "Here and there." He chuckled. "Mostly here."

"Mmm." she nodded. "Is that why you were in Australia? Were you going on _walk_about, or something?"

Locke flinched. That was closer to home than she knew, he thought. What was her game? He rubbed his forehead in an irritated gesture, and kind of squinted at Ana. "Something like that." He paused. "Is there something in particular you want to know, Ana?"

She smiled at the direct question. Her last statement had definitely touched a nerve. "What did you mean last night, when you told Jack he was lost?"

John considered the question, watching Jack pace and stare a few feet away. He wondered briefly if he had sent Ana to interrogate him, but quickly dismissed the idea. Jack wasn't that subtle. "Jack doesn't have faith. In the island, in himself." He dropped his voice to a near whisper, forcing Ana to move closer in order to hear him. "You've seen how he drives himself, haven't you? You saw it yesterday. Jack has demons...and they hound his steps. We all have demons," he added, looking at her intently. "But they are nipping at Jack's heels, now, he can feel their breath on his skin. So he drives harder. And harder. And he will never get what he is after." Ana was captivated by Locke's voice, because he was describing her, how she felt every day. "The island could...help Jack, but he refuses to let it. Because he refuses to have _faith_. It brought us all here, Ana, for a reason. It _found_ us. But until Jack accepts that, he will be lost." He smiled at her.

Her stomach was rolling. She looked at Locke, hard, and asked him, evenly, "Why do _you_ believe in it, John? How did it help you?"

He looked away, smiling. If only you knew, he thought. "It gave me something back," he said, starting up the trail. "Something I lost." He disappeared into the brush.

Ana stared after him for a moment, until Jack caught up to her.

She could tell he was bursting to ask her. Since last night his animosity towards Locke had increased to the point that Ana feared she was eventually going to be breaking up a fistfight, if not worse. He was calmer today, but just as hostile. "What was that all about?" he asked, sounding a little jealous, she noted.

"He was telling me about tracking," she said. "The tracks have changed, he said it looked like they were carrying weights." They fell into step following Locke, who they could just make out through the brush. "He's not that bad of a guy."

Jack glared at her. "Well, you don't know him as well as I do."

Ana gave Jack a sharp look. "I know him better than you think, Jack. You might want to do yourself a favor and have a little faith in him." She threw the words out, fishing for a reaction.

Jack felt like she hit him. When he asked her to drug Sawyer, she had done it without hesitation. In that instant, in his mind, she shifted into Kate's spot as his right hand. It just felt _right_. Her words felt like betrayal. She glanced at him, and he looked back sadly. "I don't have faith in anyone," he said, and he sped up, leaving her staring after him.

-----

The alarm was ringing. Kate reached out from under the covers to shut it off, hit the snooze, something. Her head felt stuffy and the alarm was making it throb. Her hands met empty air and she raised her head, sleepily. "Oh, shit. The button!" she jumped down from the bed, barely registering the fact that she was in the top bunk. I can't believe I was asleep, she cursed herself. She felt herself blush a little. Well, maybe I _can_.

She dashed to the computer, sleepily punching in the numbers. Just as she hit execute Hurley came lumbering around the corner, puffing. He had some fruit and a bottle of water in his hand, and he stopped dead, dropping the water when he saw Kate. He stared at her. "Dude."

She suddenly realized she was wearing just her panties and a tank top. Thank God she had the presence of mind last night to put _some_ clothes on, even over Sawyer's objections. She felt her face redden again as she thought of him.

Hurley apparently thought she was blushing over her semi-nudeness, and he turned away to pick up his water. "I was sleeping," Kate offered lamely, realizing that Sawyer would be in plain view behind her, should Hurley look that way. And he _didn't_ have any clothes on. She moved slightly to try and block Hurley's view.

"RRRRRight." said Hurley, obviously not buying her story. She kicked herself for not thinking things through completely. "Anyways, Sawyer told me not to wake you up, 'cause you were really tired from taking care of him?" Kate didn't miss the gleam in his eyes. "So, I just let you sleep, cause it's my shift anyway."

Kate was a little confused. "Oh, okay." She glanced back at the bunk. Sawyer was gone. Her heart sank a little. "Do you know where he went?"

"The beach, I think." Hurley cast his eyes everywhere but Kate, trying not to look at her. Sawyer scared him a little, and he didn't think Sawyer would appreciate him seeing Kate in her underwear. Hurley had a brief vision of himself being roasted on a spit, and he swallowed hard. Dude, would you _please_ go put on your clothes! he thought, desperately.

Kate noticed his discomfort and grinned. She patted him on the back. "Thanks, Hurley."

He nodded, still avoiding her. "No problem."

She went back to the bunks and slipped into her jeans. She wasn't really surprised that he was gone, but she was disappointed. She started making up the bed, smoothing the rumpled sheets and blanket; that made her face redden again. There had been two Sawyers in the bunk with her last night; one sweet and tender, the other rough and demanding. They co-existed in harmony, the light and the dark, and she had never felt anything like it before.  
How could he be tender and hard at the same time? She shivered, remembering his body beneath her; his fingers gripping her hair, pulling her down to him...

She shook her head, clearing it. She noticed Sawyer's pills on the shelf behind the bunk, and she picked them up, laughing. He was _such_ a baby. How did he survive in the real world? Her eyes fell on something else- a bottle with a note stuck under it. She picked up the bottle, it was the one Sawyer had given her last night, after they...she read the note, and her eyes narrowed. For an instant she didn't know whether to laugh or cry. _Damn him_. She reread the note, smiling in spite of the knot of dread that was growing in the pit of her stomach. "Payback's a bitch, Freckles. Recognize the bottle?"

She did. It was the one Ana had given Sawyer yesterday. _He drugged me_, she thought incredulously. A slow, reluctant smile played around her lips. "Okay, sport," she muttered to herself, "You wanna play..." Grabbing her pack and the bottle she went out to where Hurley sat in front of the computer, reading _Watership Down_. He looked up and seemed immensely relieved to see that she was dressed. "Good book?"

Hurley nodded. "It's about rabbits." She nodded, laughing to herself. She knew all about the bunnies.

"How long ago did Sawyer leave?" Hurley glanced up at the counter- it was on 54:00. "It was right after I came on, sooo, about two and a half executes ago."

Kate laughed. "That's cute, Hurley." She did the calculation. "So about four and a half hours. Not too big a lead." She was getting excited; sure, she was worried about Sawyer, but he was going to do this craziness no matter what she said...so she was going to _enjoy_ it. She swung her pack onto her back and left the hatch, grinning.

-----

Michael woke to Jin bending over him, looking worried. He blinked- daylight. He sighed, thankful that the blindfold was gone. "Hey, man," he said to Jin, his voice thick and dry. "You okay?"

Jin looked haggard. They were both thirsty, they hadn't had water in hours. the walk through the jungle was like a dream...dark and hazy and timeless. He nodded to Michael. "Okay." He smiled.

Michael sat up, licking his lips. His mouth was too dry. He looked around. They were in a fence, like a pen; the walls wereat least elevenfeet high and the top was open. He stood and stretched his sore muscles then went to the closest wall and began inspecting it. It was solid, that he could see. Whoever built it knew what they were doing. They were three poles thick and embedded into the ground. He sighed, and began checking the walls for weaknesses, not really expecting to find any. Finally he gave up and sat wearily on the ground. Jin was looking at him sadly. He said something in Korean.

Michael nodded. "Yeah, they're pretty solid." He grinned."Betcha wish you'd gone back when you had the chance." He glanced sadly at Jin.

Jin didn't get all of the words, but he caught the sentiment. "No," he said, solemnly. "I stay."

They sat quietly, defeated.

-----

Sawyer was beginning to hate that alarm. He was wrapped up in Kate's arms, her hair spread all over. He was playing idly with it, twisting it in his fingers, and Kate was tracing delicious circles on his stomach, her head resting on his chest. They had not slept, neither of them felt remotely tired. He felt charged, like he'd been struck by lightning; he could feel his skin thrumming beneath her. Then that damn alarm! Kate rolled out of the bed and hurried into the hatch, typing in the numbers.

Sawyer rolled up too, and reached for his pack, for some water. He lifted out the bottle. There was a little bit still sloshing around in the bottom, and he eyed it carefully, then a slow, wicked smile spread across his face. He went to the kitchen, taking the bottle with him. He added a little water to it, recapped it, then shook it hard. He cupped his hand under the faucet and drank a little himself, splashing his face a little too. The cool water felt nice. He went back to the bunks.

For a brief second he reconsidered what he was about to do. He could stay, curl up into a ball with her under the covers, and never come out. They could spend the rest of their lives on this island in that bunk, and he would be happy. But he needed to do this- he needed to save Walt, to be able to forgive himself. Kate's words from the night before had scared him; he was suddenly afraid that he didn't deserve any of this, any of her. She was wrong; she _was_ good enough. He had to do this to be worthy of her.

She was putting on her shirt. "Where'd you go?" she asked, glancing up at him. He wavered, but his demons got the best of him. He handed her the water bottle. The instant it left his fingers he itched to take it back, but it was too late. Kate took the bottle, smiled sweetly at him, then reached up and kissed him gently, pressing herself against him.

"Damn, Freckles," he said, groaning slightly," I'm gonna have to get you water more often."

She released him, grinning. "Which was my plan all along." She took a long drink of water.

He was watching her, feeling like a dog. _Damn her_. "Why you puttin' clothes back on?" he asked.

"Someone is sure to be here soon, Sawyer. I don't really want random people seeing me in the buff." She glanced down at him, pointedly. "And it might be a good idea for you to cover up a bit." He glared at her.

"I don't give a damn who sees me, sweetcheeks. I ain't got nothin' to be ashamed of."

"Well, that's true. You got me there." She snickered. "But I think Charlie's shift is next, so..." she cocked her head innocently at him.

"Well, then I guess ol' Chuckie will just have another reason to be jealous of me." He climbed into the bunk without putting anything on. But Kate noticed he _did_ pull the covers up higher. She smiled and took another sip of water.

Sawyer gazed at her, watching while she drank again. Oh, well, he thought, it's done now. He saw her coming toward him and he lifted the covers, inviting her in. She stepped over him and climbed into the top bunk. "What the hell are you doin', Freckles?"

"I'm tired, Sawyer. I didn't get to sleep as much as you today." There was an edge of sarcasm, and Sawyer's guilt over drugging her disappeared in a flash.

"I'll bet you are tired, sweetheart," he purred, and she fought the urge to climb back down. But she was tired...it had been a long day, and very stressful. She could hear Sawyer breathing below her...she _was_ sleepy...

Sawyer waited until she was out, then he quickly wrote the note and left it sitting by his pill bottle. He stood by her side for a minute, watching her sleep. A strand of hair hung in front of her mouth, fluttering with every breath.  
He brushed it away, tenderly, then kissed her gently. "See you in the morning."

Hurley was coming in, yawning and stretching. He looked up in surprise at Sawyer and grinned. "Hey dude," he said, looking at Sawyer's shoulder. "Glad to see you're doing good."

Sawyer stopped in surprise. "Th-thanks," he said. "Hey, listen, I'm goin' back to the beach. Kate is sleeping, she was tired, you know, taking care of my shoulder...so, do me a favor and don't wake her, huh?"

Hurley glanced at the top bunk, where Kate was snoring softly. Taking care of his shoulder, right. He smiled. "Yeah, sure man, no problem."

Sawyer took one last wistful look at her sleeping body and went out into the humid morning air.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**  
Afternoon sun streamed through the canopy, scattering dappled beams across the jungle floor. It was strangely quiet; the chirping of the birds was muted and the buzz of insects droned as if from faraway. He was walking through a glade of marshy ground, with waist high grasses and muddy wallows. His arms were out, skimming the tops of the grass with his hands; the touch of them on his bare hands sent sparks shooting through him like fireworks. His senses were alive, he could _see_; the island was showing him the way.

The Black Cloud had changed him; he was no longer the same Eko. He had the same memories and the same history; but none of those mattered because they belonged to another world, the outside world. The Island had given him a new life- and closure on his old one. He felt Yemi's crucifix beneath his shirt and smiled. For so many years he had searched for his brother, his only reason for living to find him and make amends. That was done. He was at peace.

Now he was going to catch up to the others. He didn't know how to track; Locke had shown him some basics yesterday, but that didn't matter; the trail was showing itself to him as he looked ahead at the ground. His hands and feet were conduits; he felt like he was getting shocked with every footfall and touch of the grass. It started to rain.

The track split in front of him. He stared at the prints steadily, and the island whispered in his ear. He smiled, then it faded; what was the Cowboy doing back out here? And the girl? He looked askance at the other track- Ana and her group didn't need him. The Cowboy would.

He started following Sawyer's trail. Kate's footprints overlapped his, and Eko smiled. He liked the Cowboy; he had _stones_, and Eko could appreciate that kind of fearlessness. He saw something like that in Kate, too; she had a tough, resilient streak in her, though he sensed beneath that a coldness, a desperation. She was...hard to read. Eko smiled again. Unless they are together, he thought. Then they are like flowers in bloom; opening and turning their faces to the light.

The path stretched on, illuminated before him. He touched Yemi's crucifix again, gently. Twice already he had carried Sawyer to safety; and he would be called upon to do so again. Apparently, the Cowboy was going to be his cross to bear.

-----

Kate moved quickly through the brush. Part of her haste was fear, she was worried about Sawyer being alone out here. A slideshow of horrible possibilities kept flashing through her head, spurring her to go faster. But a part of her was excited; she missed the thrill of the chase, the adrenalin rush she got when the Marshal was hot on her heels. Only this time _she_ was the hunter, the tracker; it was a new perspective on things. She thought about the Marshal with a pang, wondering if he'd felt this rush when he was after her.

Sawyer didn't appear to be moving with any real speed, and Kate grinned and picked up her pace. She was hungry to _see_ him; they'd been together so much it was like half of her was gone. Sighing to herself, she wondered idly if Jack and Locke had caught up to Michael and Jin. She hoped so, for Sun's sake more than Michael's; he hadn't spoken to her and she was a little irritated by it.

Jack. A stab of guilt lanced through her gut, leaving her breathless for a second. She hadn't been completely honest with him, in the glade. She could have loved him; she did love him, in a way that she couldn't define. If there had never been a Sawyer, she could have loved Jack, learned to live with his view of her, learned to be happy. But there _was_ a Sawyer; and what she _would_ have with Jack would never compare to what she _could_ have with him.

A hand snaked out from behind a large tree and snagged her around the waist. She felt herself get lifted from behind and she reacted instinctively, slamming her foot down, hard. Her attacker grunted and let go of her. She threw her elbow back and it connected with something soft and yielding, and she spun around, ready to finish the job. Her jaw dropped.

"Dammit, Freckles," Sawyer was bent double, holding his abdomen. "What was that for?"

She relaxed, dropping her defensive stance and crossing her arms. "What the hell did you think you were doing?"

He looked up at her through a fringe of hair. "I was _tryin'_ to surprise you!"

She laughed, and went to him. "Well, it worked." He straightened, still clutching his belly, and glared at her. "Let me check your shoulder. Are you okay?"

He rolled his head at her. "Other than the elbow stickin' out of my breadbasket, yeah, I'm fine." He didn't object, though, as she unbuttoned his shirt to check on his wound.

"Stop being such a baby, Sawyer. It wasn't that hard." Satisfied that the shoulder hadn't started bleeding again, Kate started rebuttoning it. His glare faded as he watched her busy fingers, then he grabbed her hand, stopping it. "That's twice you've elbowed me, Freckles," he growled into her ear. He held her hands cupped against his chest. "Remember the first time?" She nodded, speechless at the feel of him, his breath in her ear. He caught her mouth with his, gently, and they stood together, touching only hands and lips.

Sawyer broke it off and looked deep into her eyes. "What?" he asked her softly. "Not gonna slug me this time?" She rolled her eyes and shoved him away, playfully. "Hey," he cried in mock pain, "Watch the shoulder!" He shoved her back.

Kate played offeneded. "Oh, no, you're gonna push me?" she laughed, and lightly punched his good arm.

"Oh yeah?" He reached around her defending hands and grabbed the spot on her side right below her ribs that he knew was ticklish. She squealed and leapt aside nimbly, evading his grabbing fingers. "No fair Freckles, I only got one arm!"

Laughing and eyeing his reaching hands warily, Kate grinned at him wickedly. "I thought you only needed one arm, _Cowboy._" she teased.

He rolled his eyes, remembering his talk with Ana-Lucia."Well that was meant for her, sweetheart," he said, gazing pointedly at her chest. "You're a little more of a handful."

She burst out laughing. "You are such a pig."

He was grinning at her, about to say something funny, when he caught a flash out of the corner of his eye. His eyes widened and Kate followed his gaze, suddenly frightened. A small cylinder of black smoke was flitting away through the trees.

"Run, Sawyer!" Kate screamed, and she pushed him, galvanizing him into action. It started to rain; water poured from the sky in sheets, drenching them in seconds. The clanking roar of the monster reverberated behind them, and they scrambled frantically through the brush, sliding and slipping in the muck. Kate finally grabbed his arm and jerked him into a stand of trees, where they stood huddled together, shaking.

It felt like an hour. Sawyer clutched Kate to him, his eyes closed against her neck. Her arms were tight around him, her fingers digging into his back, he could feel her ragged, terrified breath; slowly the echoing roars faded away. They didn't move.

He couldn't let her go. This was only his second _real_ run in with the monster, other than hearing it in the distance. He'd heard about it, and of course, there was yesterday in the jungle, but for the first time he appreciated the danger he was putting Kate into by letting her come on this crazy quest with him. But she won't go back without me, he thought, filling with - happiness? was _that_ what he was feeling? It was so alien and foreign to him he couldn't be sure, but it was close enough. He smiled against her shoulder. "I'm really startin' to hate that thing."

Kate let out a laugh- or it could have been a sob, Sawyer wasn't sure- and relaxed her grip on him, leaning against him in silent relief. "Me too."

They leaned on each other a few more seconds, then Sawyer sighed and let go of her, backing away. "We'd better go."

Kate sighed, steeling herself. "I've been meaning to ask you about that, Sawyer. Just where exactly are we going?"

He looked at her like she was slow. "After Mike and Walt, darlin', haven't we been over this?" He walked out of the grove and started walking in the rain.

"Well, would you mind telling me how we're going to do that?" she called after him. "We don't know where they are."

He stopped and glared at her. "I'm figurin' that out as I go sweetcheeks. And it ain't _we_. Me. You're goin' back." He turned away and kept walking.

She snorted at him. "So what are _you_ gonna do? Wander aimlessly around the island until you run into Walt?" She caught up to him, trying to reason with him. "Or Michael? Or another polar bear? Of course, that's assuming you don't get eaten first." She paused and grabbed his arm, stopping him. "Sawyer, what's going on?"

He didn't answer for a second. His need to atone went way beyond Michael and Walt, it included Frank Duckett, and all of the people he swindled. And himself, he owed it to himself for going down the paths that he did. By saving Walt he saved Michael, by saving Michael he saved himself. But he couldn't explain that to her, he couldn't be that...open. Not yet. "It's just something I gotta do."

"Why?"

"Because I do. Stop buggin' me!" He snapped at her angrily.

"I'm just trying to understand, don't bite my head off," she retorted, her temper flaring. Why did he have to be so _difficult_? "Why do you need to do this so bad?"

He stopped, furious. "Fine, you wanna know, shortcake? It's my fault, and I gotta do something about it. I made Mike fire the flare. I led them to us. It's my fault." He cocked his eyes angrily at her. "Satisfied?"

She considered him a minute. That made sense- well, not really, but for Sawyer it kind of did. He was still glaring at her, waiting for her to tell him he was crazy, to get over it, but instead she gave him a nod and said. "Okay."

He was thrown by that. "Okay?" He looked at her questioningly.

"Okay, I get it." she smiled. "But I'm not going back. And you really can't make me, so I'm afraid you're stuck with me for now. And-" she cut off his protestation," you're going to take it easy until the shoulder is a little better. If you die out here I can't carry you back."

"Funny," he sneered. "Fine. Have it your own way." The rain suddenly stopped.

Kate stood, her hand still on his arm. The sun was already glaring down again, turning the rain into steam. She looked up at him, the light shining off of the raindrops caught in her soaking hair; they glimmered from her eyelashes like jewels. She looked into his eyes and flashed him that dazzling smile, the one that made his knees weak. She leaned up and pecked him on the cheek. "I usually do," she laughed, and took his hand. "Come on. Let's go."


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**  
The rain had been the answer to his prayer.

Michael and Jin had been in the pen all day, the sun blazing hot on them. They hadn't heard anyone, or seen anyone; it had just been them, the sun, the wind, and thankfully for their parched lips and tongues, the rain. The sun had finally set, and Michael could see the stars glimmering through the trees above him. He wondered if Walt was somewhere, looking at those same stars, thinking about him. It comforted him to think that he was.

Jin was staring at the stars, too, his thoughts on Sun. He missed her, and he was sorry that he had left without saying goodbye, but he couldn't bear another parting from her. She must be frantic, he thought. Again I am causing her pain. It made him miserable.

A blanket fell over the world. The stars went out like candles in a stiff wind, and the air was suddenly stifling; the blackness was suffocating and crushing. Michael and Jin leapt to their feet, trying to see, but it was total blackness; Michael couldn't see his hand in front of his face. He could hear Jin's ragged, frightened breathing next to him, and he reached out his hand and touched his arm reassuringly.

_Come with me now._ A voice whispered in his ear. Michael spun his head, trying to see who had spoken. There was nothing but darkness.

_Come with me now._ It was in the other ear now. Terror gripped Michael in its icy claws, and he stammered, "Wh-h-o is that?"

Nothing answered. Michael gazed around wildly, seeing nothing, nothing everywhere he turned. It was disorienting; he suddenly didn't know where he was, if he was standing or sitting; up or down. He was falling through a void, and his arms struck sand as he lost his equilibrium and fell into a heap.

A thin sliver of light snaked across the pen, illuminating Micahel's face, inches from the sand. He looked up at it, the light hurting his eyes, and he squinted. There was someone there, silhouetted in a doorway that had opened in the wall of the pen- it looked like the wall had vanished. They were hazy and their edges were blurry, like they were covered in a cloud of smoke.

_Come now._ The shadow-person beckoned to them. Michael looked at Jin, who looked back and shrugged. "Okay then." he said, standing slowly, and walking up to the light, disappeared into it.

---------

The sun was nearly down, and Jack had barely spoken all day. It was kind of a relief, thought Locke, as he followed the trail that was revealed to him. He rather preferred quiet Jack. He glanced up at Ana, who was walking next to him, watching. He slowed his pace incrementally; it wouldn't do for her to get suspicious now that the light was waning.

She was about to say something; he could feel it. He could sense her tensing up, steeling herself to say something difficult...she looked back to Jack, who was a few yards behind, avoiding contact with either of them...John smiled. Here it came.

Her question wiped the smile from his face. "What happened to your wheelchair, John?"

He froze, shock and fear plain on his face. He glanced back at Jack, apprehensively; he didn't want anyone to know about that, especially not Jack. None of them were ready for it; the Island had to show itself to them in its own way. Boone had been different, he'd been a sacrifice all along, and anyway, the secret had died with him. "How did you know that?"

She glanced back at Jack, too, and Locke sighed inwardly with relief; she didn't want Jack to know either. Knowledge is power, thought John, even on a deserted island. Well, not really deserted. "I saw you at the terminal. You were being carried on board by the flight attendents. I figure, the only reason they carry someone on board is because they can't walk. Someone who can't walk has to use a wheelchair. So, where is the wheelchair, John?"

He had to smile, even through his fear. "You're very observant," he noted, scratching his head. He started walking again, stepping carefully over a deadfall of twisted branches and vines.

"Occupational hazard," Ana said, shooting Locke a grin. "Now, quit stalling and answer my question." She paused, seeing Locke's face harden. "Please." She added.

He waited a few moments before answering. "I told you before, Ana, that this place returned something I lost to me." He looked aside at her. "You know. But let me explain that in order for the Island to give you what you want, you have to give it something in return. What that something is, is up to each man, woman, and child to find out for themselves. I hope you understand what I am asking of you." He looked at her steadily, and she nodded. His secret was safe. "Good. In that case, the chair is at the beach, being used for wood transport." He patted his legs, smiling. "A far better use for it, I might add." Ana grinned at him quickly. She certainly would think so. "But in _my_ reality, the chair doesn't exist at all."

Ana frowned. What did that mean?

Locke was already way ahead of her. She watched after him, pondering his last words. Jack nearly bowled her over.

He wasn't paying attention to anything in particular, just keeping track of the two of them enough to keep up. His mind was busy, worrying; How was Aaron? Was everyone eating and drinking enough? How was Sayid dealing with his grief? Was Scott (or was it Steve? He could never remember) over the poison ivy? Did anyone have food poisoning? How was Hurley's digestive problem (and that's a desperate thought)? He thought of anything and everything he could to keep his mind off of _her_. And _him._

She was a magnetic force, as powerful as the island; she drew him to her, just like she drew Sawyer; the two polar opposites- and they repelled each other violently. They were locked in stasis, the three of them, pulling on Kate and pushing on each other, getting locked into a crazy triangle that none of them knew how to break. The triangle wasn't all about love; Jack was connected to Kate and Sawyer in a way that would never change, no matter how their relationships did. All of the things he had done for Sawyer, the times he had saved him, the times he had helped him, the times he had talked to him when no one else would, even the times he had tortured and embarrassed him- all of those moments were bricks in the road that led him to his father again; but without Kate, prodding him, pulling him to Sawyer no matter how hard he fought it, it wouldn't have happened. She and Sawyer were forever a part of him, of who he was, no matter how much he hated it.

_All roads lead here, Jack._ Locke's words echoed in his head. He cast an irritated glance at Locke's back. "You see anything up there, Locke?"

Locke and Ana both turned at the same time, and a wave of betrayal washed over him again. Ana certainly was getting buddy-buddy with Locke, he thought viciously. "There's a beach up ahead, through these trees. It's getting dark, maybe we can make camp there." He waited for Jack to argue, but he didn't. He and Ana glanced at each other; obviously she'd expected him to disagree as well. "Okay then."

They all walked carefully out onto the beach. Jack and Ana stared up at the bamboo teepee, curiously. "What do you think it is?" she asked Jack. He didn't answer immediately. "I don't know," he said coldly. "Why don't you ask him?" He nodded towards Locke. "He seems to have all the answers."

"Not all of them, Jack. But he does have some interesting ones. Maybe someday he'll tell them to you." She really didn't understand Jack's hostile attitude towards her; he disliked John, but was she supposed to just ignore him? "You know, you need to lighten up. You're boring the hell out of me with this wounded soul bullshit game you're playing." He was looking at her incredulously. "I know what your problem is, Jack, and let me lay it out for you plain because you're a tough guy and I think you can take it. _She chose him._ There, it's out. Deal with it." She turned on her heel and stalked off down the beach.

The words spoken by someone else were like a physical blow. It made it real; there was no pretending anymore. He crumpled inside.

"Jack!" Locke came up to him, a worried look on his face. "The trail ends here. There are prints going to that tree, and it looks like they may have been tied there for awhile, but there are no tracks leaving."

His anger and irritaion fled in the face of crisis. "What about the water? Are there any tracks from there? Remember Ethan came in from-"

"I checked that too, nothing, no sign."

"You're sure," Jack pressed. "There is nothing?"

Locke stared at him. "Jack, if there was a trail I would find it. Believe me. They just...vanished."

Jack shook his head, feeling the anger building again. "That's not possible, John." He could feel Locke's steady gaze, so he looked up and met his waiting eyes. They crinkled up as Locke smiled at Jack. "Anything is possible, Jack."

They stared each other down, Jack glaring, Locke smiling. Jack looked away first. "Make camp if you're going to, Locke."

A triumphant grin spread to Locke's eyes. "Yes, boss." he said. "But not here. There's a stream about a half-mile back, some fruit trees. We should go there."

"Whatever, Locke. I don't see why the beach isn't good enough." He cringed at the whiny sound of his words.

Locke gazed at him, almost pityingly. "The beach is Theirs, Jack. We can't stay here."

--------

"Jesus, Freckles, where'd you learn to fight like that?" Sawyer was sitting against a fallen tree trunk, eyeing a sharp black bruise right above his belly button. Kate had his shirt open and pulled back, checking on his shoulder by the firelight. It was looking better, not so angry and inflamed; a nice thick scab had formed over it, puckering the edges of the wound.

Kate ignored the question and the bruise. "How's it feeling?" She touched the area around the scab, gently. He hissed through clenched teeth, and she stopped, drawing her hands back apologetically. "Sorry."

He jerked his shirt closed and started buttoning it. "It was alright 'til you started _poking_ it. I ain't a damn pincushion."

She laughed at him and stood up, brushing off the knees of her jeans. "Don't be such a sore loser, Sawyer." She went to her pack lying a few feet away and opened a zipper.

"Excuse me?" He asked, staring up at her. Her heart lurched; his hair was hanging shaggily in his eyes, and he was lounging against the trunk with an easy confidence, his shirt only half-buttoned, a comically insulted look on his face. "How am I a sore loser?"

"All this whining about your bruise and your shoulder, you're just trying to hide the fact that you got beaten by a girl." She smiled to herself, pulling his pill bottle out of her pack.

He rolled his eyes. "You didn't beat me, Freckles. I let you go. You were obviously scared, I didn't want you to hurt yourself." He pasted on an expression of mock concern.

Kate laughed, handing him his antibiotics. "You're full of it, Sawyer," she said, handing him a bottle of water. He eyed it suspiciously, and glanced up at her. "No more sleeping pills, I promise." He drank, swallowing the pill with it. "You didn't want me to hurt _you_, that's why you let go. Face it," she whispered, bending to his ear, " I kicked your _ass_."

He looked disgusted. "You didn't _kick my ass_," he snorted, and wrapping his arm around her he pulled her into his lap. Her arms went around his neck and her mouth sought his; he put his hand on the back of her neck, pressing her gently closer. The kiss deepened. She was twisted uncomfortably, so she turned to face him, straddling his legs. He sat up, pulling her to him until her legs wrapped around his midsection, and their bodies were pressed together. His mouth left hers and traveled down her throat, pausing at the soft skin in the hollow where he could feel her pulse beating against his lips. He flicked his tongue against it, wanting to feel the life in her, drink her in. She moaned softly, and he slid his lips lower. Kate reached for the buttons on his shirt. "Why the hell did you button it?" she whispered raggedly, her fingers working feverishly. He didn't answer, intent on tasting every inch of her.  
She finally got the last one undone, and she pushed the shirt aside, running her hands over his chest. She pulled his mouth back to hers, wanting to feel his tongue against hers. He slid his hand under her shirt, teasing it up. She pushed it back down. "No." she mumbled against him.

He looked up at her. "No? Why not?" he looked utterly perplexed. His hand remained under her shirt.

She hung her head. "Well, we're _outside_, Sawyer. I mean, it's so...open."

"Freckles, there ain't anyone within a mile of us. Who's gonna see you?" He kissed her softly. "You didn't seem to mind in the hatch, and anyone could have walked in there." He moved his lips back to her neck, kissing and nibbling behind her ear. His hand tried to move the shirt up again. She held it down. He sighed in annoyance, giving up on the shirt. For now.

"I know it's silly, it's just a...phobia." She was apologetic, and that irked her.

"Fine by me, Freckles, you're the one missing out." He grinned at her wickedly. "Last chance." He slid the shirt up one more time. She didn't stop him.

The bushes behind them rustled. In a flash Kate was on her feet, gun drawn from her pack; Sawyer moved a little slower, but he was up a second after her, pushing her behind him. They both held their guns trained on the bush; it rattled again and Sawyer cocked his. Eko stepped out slowly, his hands up. They both sighed simultaneously, lowering their guns. Sawyer uncocked his and stuck it in his jeans, rebuttoning his shirt over it. _Damn._

"Hello," said Eko, lowering his hands. "I am sorry if I startled you."

Kate glanced at Sawyer, who was looking sullen, like a kid who had his candy taken away. She smiled to herself, then nodded to Eko. "What brings you out here?" She asked. "How did you find us?"

"I came across your trail earlier. I was curious as to why you are back out here in the jungle, with your shoulder in such bad condition." He directed that at Sawyer, who shrugged, still ruffled at the interruption. "And I see my curiosity will not be satisfied tonight." He smiled at Kate, who grinned back. "No matter. I am used to disappointment." He pointed to the fire. "May I sit?"

Kate jumped. "Sorry, of course." Sawyer glared at her and she shrugged a sorry at him. Eko settled down, cross-legged, by the fire, opposite Sawyer, who had resumed his position against the tree trunk. "I didn't know you could track."

"Just one of many recently acquired skills," he said. Kate looked perplexed, but he didn't elaborate. "I have come here to help you."

"Help us what?" Sawyer snapped.

Eko smiled at him. He had seen them before he rustled the bushes, so he would forgive Sawyer the hostility. "I have come to help you find what you seek, _James._"

Sawyer froze, his eyes flicking instantly to Kate. She was staring at him, almost smiling. "How did you know my name?" Sawyer asked, his voice low.

Eko smiled even wider. "I know many things. And tomorrow, I will share some of them with you." His smile included Kate. "Both of you." He stood. "I don't want to be rude, so I will sleep out there." He motioned towards the jungle, and Kate started to protest. "I will be fine, Katherine," he said gently. "There is nothing out there to fear." With another nod to a still-stunned Sawyer, he melted into the trees.

Kate turned to Sawyer, who was staring after Eko with shock. "Just when I think things can't possibly get weirder..." she said. She sighed and lowered herself down next to him, leaning against his chest. He put his arm around her shoulder, and kissed her gently on the forehead. "'No, Freckles, there ain't anyone within a mile of here.'' she mocked him, and he finally laughed.

"Okay, you got me there," he said, and he lifted the edge of her shirt up again, pretending to peek under it. "Just a peek for me?" She slapped his hand away playfully.

They sat quietly together, leaning into each other. Kate couldn't keep it in anymore. "James?" she asked. Sawyer nodded. She laughed. "I like it. Maybe I'll call you Jimmy."

"Maybe you won't." He growled, but she heard the smile behind it. "Katherine."

She grimaced. She hated that name. "Okay, you win-_this time_. Sawyer it is."

They fell asleep together, wrapped up in each other's arms- James and Katherine.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**  
He was high above the island, looking down at the mountains and rivers below. He could see all of it; but parts were in deep shadow and his eyes could not penetrate the darkness to see what lay beneath. He was suddenly closer to the ground; he could make out their beach, the caves, the golf course. He could make out the people, scurrying like ants going about their business in a tropical island ant farm. A corridor of light illuminated a stretch of the island, and he zoomed in closer again, now he could distinguish one ant from another. He could see the Beechcraft burning; he could see Ana and Jack next to the stream, Jack was stretching and smiling, Ana was yawning and smiling back. He saw himself, sitting crosslegged in the sand on the teepee beach, arms spread wide, face turned to the sky. He descended gently into himself. His arms dropped and he smiled at the sun. Then he stood, brushing his pants off; he faced the jungle, knowing the path they had to take.

------

Jack was in a better mood. Last night, sitting sleeplessly by the fire he had run Ana's words through his mind, over and over. Knowing she was right didn't make the truth any easier to swallow, but Jack was tired of feeling miserable. So he made a decision; just like fear, he would let the misery take over for five seconds, just five seconds, and then he would get on with his life. One...he thought about Kate, running to him after the cave-in, throwing herself on him in relief; Two...she was bending over, teasing him about his tattoos while she fastened his pack around him; Three...he could't see her, but he could feel her hands, shaking, as she stitched him up after the crash; Four...she swung the golf club, knocking the ball within feet of the hole; Five...she raised her hands to his face, kissing him. And that was that. He felt-_lighter_; like a huge weight had been lifted from his heart. Smiling at the glittering sky above, he'd closed his eyes and slept.

He'd been awake for a while now, staring blankly at the morning sky. There was no need to rush; where were they going? There was no trail, according to Locke; Michael and Jin had been tied to a tree and then they vanished. Well, that made perfect sense, just like every other thing on this damn island. He knew Locke was gone, he supposed that he'd gone looking for a trail or something to indicate where to go. He rolled over on his side and found Ana watching him. "Hi."

"Hi yourself." She didn't drop her gaze. "Sleep good?"

He chuckled and nodded. "Yeah, I did, actually." He stretched a little and sat up, looking around the campsite. "You?"

Ana sat up, yawning. "Yeah. I'm _still_ not used to sleeping on the damn ground, though." She smiled, rubbing her neck ruefully. Jack grinned, looking at her thoughtfully. "What?"

"It's just weird. I can't really think about you being here the same amount of time as us. It's like you just crashed, and I need to show you the ropes, like you're the new kid in school. I keep forgetting you've been through just as much as we have." She smiled sadly and he continued. "Plus, if you think about it, I've known you longer than anyone else on the island. That makes it even weirder."

"That's true." She said. "We met _before_ the island, though. We're like Adam and Eve." She meant it as a joke, but his expression told her he didn't find it funny. She was about to ask him why when Locke came into the camp, smiling and breathless. Jack jumped to his feet.

"Did you find anything?"

"Yes, I found a trail." He hesitated. "It was hidden by some brush. We need to go, now."

Jack was ready for action. "Let's go, then," he snapped, grabbing his pack. "We're all ready." He looked over at Ana, who already had her pack on and was ready to go. She slid her club into her belt, and stared at John, who gazed back at her. He was lying. There was no trail. She cocked her head at him, questioning him. He didn't answer.

Ana started to feel a little uneasy. She understood Locke's faith in the island; he had been bound to a wheelchair in the airport, in the real world. She couldn't imagine how he felt, to wake up and be made _whole_ again; she wanted desperately to find out. But he was lying, she could tell. So where was he taking them?

She glanced at Jack, but he was already looking ahead, ready to be on the trail. A cloud of insects buzzed around his ankles,and he shuffled his feet, not looking. Ana glanced down and gasped; the cloud had formed itself into a grotesque gargoyle, and it snapped at Jack's heels as he started walking. "J-jack-" she stammered, horrified. He glanced back, alarmed at the tone of her voice, and he found her staring at his shoes. He glanced down, but there was nothing there.

"What?" She was still gazing at his feet in horror, and it was starting to creep him out. "What? Did I step in something?"

Ana snapped out of it. "No," she said, looking up at Jack. He could still see traces of terror in her eyes, but he didn't ask. "I just thought I saw something." The gargoyle was gone.

Jack nodded his head. "Yeah," he said, stepping up onto a stony ledge, "That happens a lot around here." He stopped and turned back to her. She was numb, frozen in place. "You coming?" He held out his hand to her.

She smiled and regarded it. "Yeah," she said, finally, shaking the vision of the snapping gargoyle from her mind. "I must be losing it." She took Jack's hand, and glanced up the trail. Locke was standing and watching them, a peculiar grin on his face. He disappeared into the brush as Jack helped her up onto the ledge.

------

It's a beautiful damn mornin', Sawyer thought to himself as he rested on the fallen log, flexing and moving his injured arm gently. It was painful, but a pleasant sort of pain; he could feel the unused muscles pulling and straining even at the slight movement. He clenched and unclenched his hand- at least that was working reasonably well. He wouldn't be arm-wrestling anytime soon, but it was good to know he was healing.

That wasn't why it was such a beautiful morning, though. He'd woken in the dark to Kate busily undoing his belt. The fire was low and glowing; the embers reflected in her eyes like fireflies when she looked up to find him awake, staring at her. "Were you plannin' on wakin' me up for this Freckles?" He whispered to her, grinning.

"I didn't think it would be necessary," she whispered back, sliding over him. He gripped both hands around her waist, holding her down; she bent low and kissed him, hard, her hair falling like a veil around them, hiding them from the world. She rocked against him, his mouth holding hers, keeping her pulled tightly against his chest; she finally cried out, softly, and he felt her tense, then shudderingly relax and he followed quickly, letting out a soft groan of his own.

They didn't move or speak for a few minutes, quietly catching their breath. Finally Kate moved, sighing. She slid off of him and reached for her jeans, returning his silent gaze. Grey dawn was just peeking over the trees, and Sawyer found himself wishing that time could stop, freeze them into this moment so he could watch her, look at her, be with her just like this forever. The simple act of pulling on her jeans entranced him; she was so fluid, so _natural_. She belonged on the island, not in the real world; Sawyer was not really surprised to realize that he didn't _want_ to be rescued anymore. The island was his home as long as she was here.

Eko walked into the clearing, nodding at Sawyer. "Cowboy."

"Ed." Sawyer nodded back, still smiling happily to himself and flexing his arm.

Eko nodded to the other end of the log Sawyer was sitting on. "May I?" he asked.

Sawyer glanced over at him, warily, then smiled. "Sure, have a seat." He scooted over a bit.

Eko smiled and sat, watching Sawyer stretch and move his shoulder. He'd heard the soft moans and cries from the camp this morning; no wonder the Cowboy was so happily excercising his arm. Kate was motivation enough for anyone.

Out of the corner of his eye, Sawyer caught Eko watching him. It was creepy. He scooted a few inches more. Freak.

"How is your arm?" Sawyer was still a little uncomfortable. The guy saved his life, sure, but the staring was unnerving.

"Better. You starin' at me for a reason, Shaft?"

Eko dropped his gaze, smiling. "I am sorry, I was lost in thought. I did not mean to stare."

Sawyer relaxed. "Yeah, well, that's okay. Anyway, I owe you for savin' my life, you know, so, uh...thanks." He gave Eko a genuine smile of gratitude.

Eko nodded. "You are welcome." He _did_ like the Cowboy. He looked around the clearing. "Where is Kate?"

Sawyer grinned before he could stop himself. "She went to pick some fruit."

"Ah, yes," Eko said knowingly. "The jungle does increase one's appetite." Eyes twinkling, he smiled at Sawyer, who looked a little embarassed. But not too much. "She is beautiful."

Jealousy reared its head. Sawyer glared warningly at Eko, who smiled. "Yeah. She is. But she's spoken for, so don't get any ideas." His fists clenched instinctively. Eko laughed, shaking his head.

"No, my friend. I am a Catholic priest; as such I am required to take a vow of celibacy." Sawyer was gaping at him blankly. "That means I do not-"

"I know what it means," Sawyer snapped, standing up. Celibacy? How is that even possible? It made Eko seem even creepier. "I just don't _get_ it."

"Sadly, many do not. Not everyone is suited for the life, but I have recieved great rewards for my sacrifice."

Disbelief was written all over Sawyer's face. "I still don't _get_ it. But if it works for you, hey...that's just more ladies for me."

"Oh, really?" Sawyer cringed and ducked his head as Kate smacked the back of it. She walked past him, into the glade, dropping her bag of fruit on the ground in front of him. "Hello, Eko." She nodded a greeting, he smiled and nodded back. She was sweaty; damp tendrils of her hair stuck to her face and neck. There was a smudge of dirt on one cheek, and Sawyer reached out and tried to wipe it off; instead it smeared even more. "Why do you need any more ladies?" She asked, laughing at him. "I thought I was more than a handful?"

He flexed his hand proudly, showing off his progress. "Well I got two hands now, sugar, and I ain't sure you can fill 'em both." He grinned at her wickedly, and she rolled her eyes, bending down to the bag of fruit at his feet. He enjoyed the view for a second, then added, "Well, I take that back, darlin' I believe you _can_."

She snorted, raising up and handing him a mango. "You're disgusting," she said, and kissed him lightly on the cheek. She tossed another mango to Eko, then took one out for herself. They all ate quietly for a minute. Kate tossed away the core of her fruit and wiped her hands on her jeans. "So, Magellan," she asked Sawyer, "Which way we headed?"

He didn't know. He chose and pointed in a random direction. "That way."

Kate followed his finger and smiled. "Good choice. That's back to the beach."

He threw her a disgusted look and she tried hard not to laugh at him; but _God_ he made it so easy. "Well, then you choose, Jungle Jane."

"This is your show, Sawyer, I'm just along for the ride." He gave her a dirty little smile and she looked away, blushing a little.

"If I may," Eko broke in, "I think I can help here. I know where to go."

Kate and Sawyer swiveled around, having forgotten Eko was there. They looked at each other, then at Eko. Kate said, "You don't know what we're looking for, how can you know where we need to go?"

"You are looking for Michael and Jin," he said, staring evenly at Sawyer. "You are looking for salvation. I can help you with both."

Sawyer was staring at him like he was a madman. "I don't need no help finding salvation, _Padre_. And I can find Mike on my own." He put his arm around Kate, drawing her close. Eko was getting weird and he wasn't gonna let him anywhere near her. He pushed her a little behind him.

Kate was amused at Sawyer's gesture. He was protecting her; shielding her. It was so sweet. She wasn't really worried about Eko, he was strange, true, but no more so than Locke. She imagined that Sawyer was shaken by Eko using his real name- she said it to herself. _James_. She shook her head. Nah, didn't fit him.

Eko was smiling at them again. "Very well. At least let me give you this advice. What you seek is to the East." He pointed. "But be very careful; go cautiously and quietly. I will not be far, if you need me." He smiled at them one more time, then vanished into the jungle.

They stared at the spot where he had disappeared. Kate shook her head. "Sawyer, I am _never_ taking my clothes off out here again."

He glanced down at her, grinning. He flexed his hand again, dimples deepening, and growled softly. "We'll see about that."


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

They took their time; the noon sun was hot and there wasn't much of a breeze. Kate was amazed at how easy it was to be with him. Sawyer had always been the one person on the island she didn't have to hide herself from, but there had always had an edge to them; a friction. The electricity was still there, and the desire, and the tension and the challenge; but it had shifted, like some great huge obstacle had been overcome, and now they could just _relax_ and enjoy being with each other.

They were walking in the general direction that Eko had pointed out, but they were so lost in each other they didn't even notice the jungle passing them by. There were countless reasons to touch; their fingers brushed and entwined and drifted idly apart then brushed and entwined again. They talked about everything and nothing; even their pasts were not _completely_ taboo, though by an unspoken agreement they avoided the deep dark valleys in their hearts, preferring to dwell for now in the sunny plains. Sawyer told Kate about one of his cons that went horribly wrong; romancing a woman whose husband owned a construction company, he was dismayed to find that her "husband" was actually a gigantic lesbian with arms like hams and a face to match. When he refused to 'take care' of them both, she nearly beat him to death and he had escaped with only his pants and his money; pride and dignity had been left far behind. Kate laughed so hard she had to sit down in the middle of the trail to catch her breath.

"It ain't _that_ funny, Freckles," he said, looking a litle hurt. He didn't really care; he loved to see her laughing. "Your turn."

Her smile faded. "I don't have anything to tell."

Sawyer eyed her skeptically. "Come on, now Freckles. I know there is _some_ kinda secret you can tell me about yourself." She still didn't answer and he rolled his eyes. "Fine. See if I ever tell you about the garden party and the three dobermans." Grinning he leaned forward and whispered,"Now _that_ one is funny."

She looked him steadily in the eyes and sighed. "Okay, you win." She paused. "My birthday is June 13." He gave her a disgusted look. "Okay, okay," she held up her hands placatingly and sighed again, drawing her knees up under her chin. "I was... seeing this guy, and I talked him into helping me rob a bank. In New Mexico." She glanced up at Sawyer, who was watching her, grinning. She looked back down at her knees. "He _outed me_," she put particular emphasis on those words, shooting a glance at Sawyer; he just smiled blandly. She continued. "He outed me to the bank manager then threatened to kill him, so I..I shot him in the leg. And left." She glanced back up at him, kind of scared; she had never told anyone this before and she was conveniently leaving out the plane. He was staring at her with something like admiration, but there was something else there also. She melted into a smile. He held his hand out to her and she took it, letting him pull her up against him.

He held her close, breathing in the musky, sweaty scent of her. "Sweetcheeks," he murmured against her hair, "I think that kinda turned me on." She burst out laughing and pushed him away; he looked wounded. "What?"

"You're disturbed, Sawyer, really." She was still laughing though, and he suddenly wanted her, right there, right then. He touched her cheek, gently, and she met his eyes, her laughter dying in her throat. Still gazing intently at her, he let his finger slide down to the hollow of her throat, and she swallowed hard, a little frightened by the intensity of his stare. His eyes were blazing; she was the moth, drawn into them, into _him_. He touched his lips to hers and it burned like fire; she opened her mouth to his insistent tongue and it was like lava flowing through her. Sawyer slowly backed her up against a tree, all ten fingers working frantically on the button of her jeans; and she shed them quickly, her fingers getting his pants undone and removed. He lifted her against the tree trunk with his good arm and she wrapped her legs around him, holding onto his neck as he leaned into her, groaning softly. They stood that way for a second, then he moved slowly, and gently; then faster... then faster; Kate threw her head back, crying out and they shuddered together, Sawyer sagging lightly against her, his knees weak and shaky.

They dressed quietly, grinning at each other. "I guess we'd better get going," Kate finally said, bending to pick up her pack. As she bent down, she noticed something a few feet away from the tree where they had just been. "What is that?" she asked, to no one in particular, and she went over to it, carefully. "It's a backpack." She glanced quickly around, as if expecting to see the owner watching them.

Sawyer was looking around too. He hoped the owner wasn't around; his stash had become a little depleted, and he was always lookin' for new stuff. He glanced up into the tree and grimaced. "Kate," he said, and pointed up into the branches.

She followed his hand and gasped- there was a body lodged in the branches. She looked at the trunk where she and Sawyer had just been, then looked back up at the body that had been perched directly above them. "Oh, gross," she muttered to herself, resolving to _always_ check around for dead bodies before she and Sawyer had sex.

"Where the hell are you goin'?" he asked, as she hoisted herself up into the tree and started scampering up the branches. Following her with his eyes he was captivated by the view above him, and didn't hear her answer.

The body was somewhat fresh, flies still buzzed busily around it, alighting in the shredded skin and open eyes and mouth. Kate tried not to gag as the stench hit her- how could they not have smelled this before? She held her breath and looked over at the mangled corpse, then she let out a yelp.

Sawyer was still watching her from below. It looked like she was gagging, and realizing he was standing directly in the line of fire, he moved away a few steps. She yelped, and he shouted, "You okay?"

She didn't answer for a second, and he watched her with a little apprehension. Finally, she said, "Yeah, I'm okay. It's...it's Desmond."

The name didn't register for a minute. "The guy from the hatch?"

"Yeah." She was going higher in the branches. He wanted her to come down; she climbed like a monkey, but he was still worried. If she fell what could he do? Nothing. He willed her to come down.

"What are you doin'? Come down, let's go." It was the closest he could get to asking her.

She hollered down from even higher. Sawyer was starting to feel clammy dread seeping into his gut. "I'm just seeing if I can get my bearings, see where we are." She gazed out over the jungle, but nothing looked familiar. It didn't really matter, anyway, she just liked climbing. A movement caught the corner of her eye, and she screamed at Sawyer as the trees to her right started bending and cracking. "Run! It's coming!" She started to drop down through the branches as rapidly as she could.

Sawyer watched her, scared into immobility. "Hurry Kate," He screamed at her, as the mechanical grinding roars shook the ground beneath their feet. She was descending but not quickly enough. She was screaming at him to run. "Not without you, hurry!"

She was barely touching the branches as she dropped. She looked horrified as Sawyer stood, staring at her, not running. "Don't wait for me-" her hand slipped and she plummeted through the branches.

It happened in slow motion. She was yelling something at him, and her hand missed the branch she was reaching for. She fell- he couldn't move, he was frozen in horror as she tumbled. She struck a large branch and it caught her across the gut, stopping her fall and knocking the wind from her. Black spots swam in her eyes, but she willed them away and frantically looked for Sawyer while she gasped for air.

The roars were so close, he couldn't hear anything. Sawyer saw her hit the branch and he nearly fainted with relief. Kate was staring at him with terror and horror and he turned away from her to look- and it was there. The Black Cloud hovered in front of him, clanking and growling and rolling. It flashed and pulsed and he stood, tranfixed, staring into it.

Suddenly Eko was in front of him, blocking him from the Cloud. It's growls and roars grew louder, and the flashes intensified, then it compacted into a tight cylinder and flitted away into the trees.

Sound returned to the jungle. Kate was already out of the tree and halfway to him. She caught him, hard, crushing herself to him, sobbing and kissing him all over. He gripped her body to his, burying his face in her neck. She couldn't let him go; her heart had stopped and in those seconds of terror she had seriously contemplated what her life would be like without him, and it was grim and terrible. She grapsed onto him, trembling and weak, and he held her back, listening with relief as her sobs abated.

Sawyer's initial terror was subsiding, and he smiled and whispered into Kate's neck, "I think it likes you."

He felt her smile and relax imperceptibly against him. "I think it likes your cologne." He laughed, weakly, and they both reluctantly let go and stepped away from each other. Eko was standing, watching them, smiling.

Kate and Sawyer stared at him. Finally, Kate asked quietly, "What did you do? To make it go?"

Eko paused before answering, trying to word it just right. Finally he simply said, "I...told it to go." He didn't miss Sawyer's hand tightening around Kate's waist. What did it show you, Cowboy? he wondered, but didn't ask. He would know, eventually. He smiled to himself.

Sawyer and Kate were looking at each other. Finally, without breaking his gaze from her, Sawyer sighed and asked, "Okay, Buddha, I guess you're the new trail guide." He dragged his eyes away from Kate and glanced at Eko, who was smiling back. Sawyer bent and picked up his pack and Desmond's, and taking Kate's hand, he motioned for Eko to lead on.

------

Ana followed closely behind Jack, her eyes glued to his heels. She couldn't rid herself of the gargoyle, snapping at Jack's feet; but she had nearly convinced herself that it was just a dream. She sped up a little and caught him; he seemed to still be in a good mood. "So, did you forget my seat number?"

He seemed confused. "Excuse me?"

She smiled and repeated herself. "Did you forget my seat number? On the plane?" They were stepping over a particularly big deadfall, and he took her hand to help her climb over it. "I was just wondering why you never came back for that drink. Other than the plane crash, I mean." She let go of his hand.

He glanced at her, chuckling. "42F. Right over the damn wheels."

Nodding, she raised her eyebrows. "Well," she said, "I'm impressed."

He chuckled again. "You won't believe me, but I was on my way back to see you when we hit the first pocket of turbulence." He shrugged. "I sat down, buckled my belt, and the rest you know."

She closed her eyes. "Yeah." She opened them again, and smiled thoughtfully. "If you'd have come back just two minutes earlier," she mused, biting her lip, "Imagine how different things would be."

He contemplated the idea, but the implications were too big to get his head around. He glanced up at Locke, a dozen yards ahead of them. "Locke would say that we would all still be right here, doing the same things at the same times." he frowned. "He'd say that the game and the players don't change; just the positions that they play."

"And what do you think, Jack?"

He didn't know how to answer that. He was spared by a loud shrieking roar off in the distance. Locke stopped and they all gazed in the direction of the groaning rumble.

Jack stiffened. "Did you hear that?" Ana listened hard, straining her ears. She heard it too, someone was screaming. She looked at Jack but he was already gone, tearing through the brush. "Kate!" he called. "Kate!"

Locke yelled after him, "Jack, wait!" but he was gone. Ana glanced at Locke and they both took off after him.

He ran, shoving vines out of his way and leaping over snaky roots that threatened to trip him. What the hell was Kate doing out here? He knew it was her, without a doubt. It felt like an hour, he could hear the monster moving away, and fear struck his gut like a fist nearly doubling him over. He didn't even have the breath to call for her.

He burst into a clearing and skidded to a halt; Kate and Sawyer were standing, guns out and pointed at him, and Eko had his club cocked over his shoulder ready to swing. "Jesus, Doc," Sawyer snapped in semi-relief, dropping his gun and uncocking it. "You _tryin'_ to make me shoot you?"

Jack noticed that Kate wouldn't look at him. She kind of ducked behind Sawyer, letting him shield her from Jack's view. "What the hell are you doing out here, Sawyer?" he panted, bent over trying to catch his breath. He ignored Kate. Two can play at that game.

"Same thing as you, Boss," Sawyer shot back. He could feel Kate lurking behind him, and while it pissed him off a little that she felt the need to hide from Jack at all, he was pleased that it was him she chose to hide behind. It made him feel _needed_. "Out lookin' for Batman and Robin." He sneered at Jack's glare. "Don't look so surprised, Jacko. The sleeping pills wore off fast."

They glared at each other. Sawyer felt Kate stiffen behind him when he mentioned the pills, and his hand automatically reached back for hers. She took it, grateful for the reassurance, and grateful that she couldn't see Jack's face. Sawyer could though, and he grinned wickedly to himself. He gave her fingers a loving squeeze.

Locke and Ana burst into the clearing, breathless. "Well, well," Sawyer smirked, "The gang's all here." Kate snickered behind him.

Ana went to Eko, smiling. "Hey," she said, "Good to see you."

"You too, Ana," he replied, taking her hand. "I see you have not had any luck finding Michael?" She shook her head, sadly, and Locke spoke up.

"We were on a trail when we heard you screaming." He smiled at Kate, who had edged out from behind Sawyer a little. She smiled back, tenatively. "Are you okay?" She nodded, and he gave her a genuine smile. "Good. Well, now that we are all together again, I say we get back on the trail." He looked over at Eko, and their eyes met. Locke felt physically repulsed; as if a giant hand had shoved him in the chest and was pushing him back. He held his ground, staring at Eko, whose smile had widened at Locke's shocked look. John stepped back a little and the pressure lessened. He gazed at Eko curiously.

Jack wasn't thrilled with the idea of Kate and Sawyer joining them. He glanced at Ana, who was staring at Kate suspiciously, as if she had just realized something. Kate, for her part, had noticed Ana's stare and was glaring back. She was still pissed about the drugging. She put her hand possesively on the small of Sawyer's back, claiming him to herself, and Sawyer grinned as he felt her fingers grip him through his shirt.

"Okay then," Locke said, turning back into the jungle. "Let's go." With one last perplexed look at Eko, he melted into the trees. Eko smiled again; he too had felt the push, the force repelling him from Locke. He filtered silently into the trees behind Locke.

That left the four of them. Jack glared at Sawyer and Kate, then without a word turned and disappeared behind Locke and Eko. Ana was still staring at Kate, an unpleasant smirk playing around her lips; Kate glared back, still clutching Sawyer's hand. Sawyer stood in the middle of the impasse, wishing he could reach out and knock Ana in the jaw, but instead he sneered at her and held out his arm, invitingly. "Ladies first," he said, pointing her in the direction of the jungle. She smirked and turned, flashing him a look of disgust before she marched off after Jack.

Kate and Sawyer stood alone. She came around to him and sighed, still holding his hand. She looked up and grinned weakly, brushing a strand of shaggy hair from his eyes. He leaned in and kissed her softly, thankful that he could still feel her against him, feel her fingers in his hair. She broke it off, reluctantly sighing. "I don't think this is going to be very much fun," she laughed, swinging her pack up onto her back. Sawyer grabbed Desmond's again, and his, and he flashed her a dimple-filled grin.

"Oh, I don't know, Freckles," he said mischieviously. "I think this might be _some kind_ of fun." Winking at her, he took her hand and they disappeared into the trees together.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**  
The pace was much faster with Locke leading. After a few hours Kate felt Sawyer start to lag, as hard as he tried to keep up; she slowed her pace and let the others go ahead. She preferred them to be alone, anyway, everyone was so tense and agitated it was uncomfortable. She saw Jack glance back at them a few times as they fell farther and farther behind; he didn't seem too concerned and she was taken aback a little by how distant and detatched he seemed.

Sawyer was distant too, he barely spoke and while she could attribute some of that to fatigue, there was clearly something wrong. He didn't touch her, or look at her as they walked; he stared into the distance looking haunted and hunted. Tell me, she thought, tell me what's wrong. But she couldn't bring herself to ask; she was afraid to. Instead she just ached silently, not touching or looking at him.

It was a long afternoon, and Kate was relieved to see the sun finally setting, casting cooling shadows over the canopy. It was amazing how quickly the jungle became dark, she thought, as twilght fell and they halted.

Sawyer dropped onto the nearest rock, cradling his arm. It was hurting, now, a dull throbbing ache that he could feel in the bone. Kate tried to help him, but he cringed away from her touch, pushing her away with a curt, "Not now." Looking hurt, she turned wordlessly away and went to help with firewood. Sawyer kicked himself, but he couldn't bear to look at her. Every time he did, this horrible _vision_ swam before him. He'd seen things in the Cloud, in the second that he gazed into it; he saw the boots, and the boar, and the horse, and Frank Duckett, and Frank Sawyer, and Kate...on the jungle floor, blood pooling behind her head. He shook his head, trying to clear his mind; but it pushed into his conciousness, forcing him to see it dancing in front of his eyes, haunting him. He didn't want to touch her, or look at her, because every time he did he saw her..._dead._ He stared at the ground in misery.

Kate didn't glance back. What the hell was going on with him? she thought. Was it because of Jack? Somehow she didn't think so; with Jack it was animosity and competition, what she saw in Sawyer now was fear. For the first time she considered maybe the Cloud had done something to him, but what? He seemed fine physically, and he wasn't acting insane or -her stomach dropped at the thought, _sick_- he was just...removed. From her. She picked up some branches and began breaking them into smaller pieces.

"Kate," Ana-Lucia spoke at her side. "Can we talk to you for a minute?"

_We?_ Kate thought. She shrugged, "Okay. What's up?" She dropped the branch she was holding and wiped her hands on the back of her jeans.

Jack and Ana glanced at each other, and Kate saw in that instant- she'd been replaced. She was on the outside now, looking in at Jack and Ana. She felt a little loss, but she pushed it aside. "I recognize some of this territory," Ana said, looking at Kate. "I've been here. It's going to get dangerous now, and," she glanced at Jack again, "We're not sure he can keep up." She nodded at Sawyer, who was still staring at the ground looking miserable. Kate caught the glance between them and it galled her.

"He's a grown man," Kate said, gesturing back at Sawyer. "Why don't you tell him yourself?" She bent down and picked up another handful of branches, suddenly needing to break something badly. "Or are you just going to drug him again?"

Jack snorted. "We're not gonna do anything. I just wanted you to know that if you fall behind we're not going to wait on you."

Kate was shocked into silence for a moment. His tone was so indifferent and cold it was like a slap in the face. Ana's hand snaked up onto Jack's arm and she smiled slyly at Kate, who stared back at her with venom. She glared up at Jack and met his eyes; for an instant his commitment wavered and he swallowed hard and looked away. "I'm sorry, Kate."

"Yeah," she said, feeling inexplicably betrayed. "Me too." She glanced at Ana, who was eyeing her warily. Kate couldn't think of anything appropriately nasty to say, so she threw her a withering stare and stalked off towards the now-blazing campfire.

Eko was watching Sawyer closely. It was time, to once again carry the Cowboy. He touched his crucifix. My cross to bear. He smiled to himself, and walked quietly up to Sawyer. "How are you doing?"

Sawyer didn't look up; he just growled, "Just fine. Go away." He couldn't look anywhere without seeing her bloodied body in front of him; it was making him sick.

Eko squatted beside Sawyer and touched his shoulder gently. "What did you see?" he asked kindly, and Sawyer finally looked up, his eyes glinting with tears. He stared into Eko's eyes, and he said hoarsely, "I see...her...dead."

Eko nodded. "Yes, I thought as much." He smiled wisely, and Sawyer felt the misery and terror of the vision fade just a little. "How did that make you feel?"

His eyes left Eko's and scanned the clearing, finally resting on her sitting by the fire staring blankly into it. "Dead." He whispered. "I felt dead."

Eko rose, and Sawyer's eyes followed him. "The future is not solid, like a stone," he said, "it is fluid and ever-changing. It is like sand; always shifting, mercurial, trickling through your fingers. But when compressed, pushed behind us into the past, it becomes as stone; then, and only then is it unchangeable." Sawyer felt his heart lifting. "What you have seen is not necessarily your destiny. The roads and the paths you choose will determine your future. And hers." He nodded towards Kate.

For the first time since he had seen the Cloud her bloody body didn't dance in his vision. It was releiveing. He suddenly wanted to do _nothing else_ but look at her, touch her. "How do I know what path to take?" he asked. It was suddenly _very_ important that he know.

Eko smiled sadly. "That is something you have to find out on your own, Cowboy," he said, touching his shoulder again. It felt like an electric shock. "But if you want something enough, if you _desire_ something enough, the Island will find it for you. But it will want a sacrifice in return. You must decide if your desire is worth the price." He glanced at Kate, still sitting forlornly by the fire. "I think that will be an easy choice, my friend."

Sawyer grinned. He could breathe again. His arm wasn't even hurting as bad. "Yeah," he said, and just then Kate looked up and caught his eye. She gave a curious little smile, as if asking if it was okay. He grinned sheepishly at her, and she rose to come to him. "Ed," he said, watching her with something like awe, "I believe that'll be the easiest decision I ever make."

------

Late that night, Eko and Locke sat across the fire from each other. That invisible force still kept them apart; as they stared at each other electric pulses started washing over them both; sparks flew in the air and they simply sat among them; absorbing the power of the Island.

"You saw it." Locke stated; it wasn't a question.

"Yes," answered Eko. "As did you."

They were silent again, and the sparks whizzed by like fireflies. "Do you still think this is all just coincidence?" Locke finally asked. His eyes were snapping in the electrical show, and he looked strangely possesed.

"Yes." Eko said. His arms were out, absorbing the pulses of light. "If everything is decided by fate, then why do we have the power of choice at all?"

John laughed. "It doesn't matter what choices you make," he said, looking evenly at Eko. "All roads lead here. To this moment. It is destined to be that way."

Eko leaned in close, the waves of light pulsing under his skin. "It is our power of choice, John, that decides which road we take. The path I choose will forever remain with me. So while my road may lead here," he pointed to the spot they were sitting, "It is how I choose to get here that matters. And that is not fate."

They sat staring at each other; the dark and the light; the yin and the yang. The sparks died and the fire flickered. The jungle was dark again.


	15. Chapter 15

Ana stretched and groaned, rubbing her sore back. She hadn't exaggerated; she _still_ hadn't gotten used to sleeping on the ground. The sun was barely up, and she noticed that Locke and Eko were already gone, probably to scout out the trail ahead. Except John had been lying; there was no trail. So what were they following? Where was he taking them? She couldn't figure it out. She recognized the general direction, and she had recognized a few landmarks the day before; they were getting close to her old camp. It was discomfiting to be back here so soon, especially after what they had gone through to get to the fuselage survivors in the first place. I could turn back, she thought, I could just turn around and go back. That wasn't really an option anymore, though, now she was _in_ it; she was here come hell or high water. Hell was probably going to be her best bet.

Plus, she thought to herself, Jack is here. She smiled, rolling over on her side to look at him. He was still sleeping, his face peaceful and relaxed, and she fought the urge to reach out and touch him. He had turned; turned his back on Kate, turned the corner in being able to let her go. Ana allowed herself to be a little happy about that. She'd felt it, when Jack shifted his trust from Kate to her, as soon as he handed her the bottle and whispered the plan in her ear. She glanced across the dead fire to Kate, who was disappearing into the brush. I know _you_, she thought, watching her go. She smirked, remembering how jealously Kate had stared at her hand on Jack's arm. She sensed that the intangible something between the two of them had lessened; changed. They were not the same people they had been only four days ago; they had..._drifted._

"Morning." Jack opened his eyes and smiled. "How long have you been up?"

"Just a bit. I was about to get you up."

He yawned a little, stretching against the cool ground. "I've been awake for awhile," he said, rolling onto his elbow to face her. "I was thinking about what you said yesterday, about how things would be different if I had been in the back of the plane when it crashed."

"Crazy stuff, huh?" Ana had thought about it a lot. Would Jack have been on the Others' list? She wondered suddenly.

"Yeah, it is." He paused, searching for the right words. "But the fact is, I wasn't in the back of the plane. And nothing will ever change that." She gazed at him, curiously. "What is, is, Ana. But we're here now, and that is what matters."

She couldn't resist; she reached out and touched his lips with her fingertips. He grabbed her hand and kissed her fingers gently, smiling at her. She grinned back, and he winked at her and dropped her hand. He sat up, scanning the camp. Sawyer was leaning back against a rock, going through Kate's backpack; Kate was nowhere to be found. "Locke and Eko gone already?" He asked Ana, and she nodded. "I thought I heard them leave."

He stood, stretching. Sawyer glanced over at him, then stuffed something hastily in his pocket. Jack gave him a wave, smiling; Sawyer sent him back a rather more crude gesture. Jack just laughed and shook his head; even Sawyer couldn't dampen his mood. At least, not yet. The day was young.

It wasn't that he didn't _care_ about Kate anymore, but what he'd just said to Ana was true. What is, is. There was no use worrying about something out of his control. And what there was between Kate and Sawyer was definitely out of his hands. And as for Ana, well, like the man said, "We're here, and that's what matters." He _was_ attracted to her; he had been since the airport bar. Even through his grief and guilt he'd been able to appreciate that while he wasn't the spontaneous type, if given the opportunity he would seriously consider initiating them both into the mile-high club. It had been that thought, in particular, that had kept him buckled in his seat until it was too late.

Sawyer was digging busily through Kate's pack. "Where the hell are the damn pills?" he muttered, pulling out a shirt and a pair of socks. He tossed them to the side and kept rooting around. "Damn women," said to himself, digging to the bottom of the pack, "Why can't they just carry a wallet?" His fingers closed around something small and hard and he pulled it out curiously. What the hell? he thought, and glanced up to see Jack waving. He hastily stuffed it into his pocket and "waved" back. "Jackass."

He sighed and stuffed her shirt and socks back into her pack, zipping it up. Oh, well, he thought, I'll just have to wait for her. He thought idly about following her into the woods and having his way with her against another tree trunk; his skin tingled at the thought. To hell with fruit, he thought. I got a better use for that tree. At the thought of fruit, though, his stomach growled and he decided against it. One appetite at a time.

He picked lazily at a loose string on the shoulder strap of her pack. The terrifying vision from the day before had faded, but it was still there; a shadow in the back of his mind, pricking at him when he least expected it. Eko had saved his life, last night, because the image of Kate sprawled on the cold ground, eyes open and lifeless while her blood spilled out beneath her playing out over and over had nearly driven him to take his gun out and put it to his temple. He snorted; Shaft and the Doc were about even when it came to Sawyer-life-saving. Maybe he could get them on a group plan.

His eyes fell on Desmond's pack. He hadn't even gone through it. "You're slippin' old man," he muttered, grabbing the pack and unzipping it. He rifled through it; there were some clothes, a book (Sawyer read the title, _The Third Policeman_) which he stuffed into his own pack, and- what was that? He pulled out some sort of ray-gun thing with a needle on the end and held it, turning it over in his hands.

"What is that?" Jack was standing over him, studying the gun in his hand.

Sawyer glanced up at him, smirking. "I already said good mornin' to you, Doc. What, you here for a _kiss_ too?"

Jack ignored the dig, and reached for the gun. "What is that? Where did you get it?"

Sawyer put it back in the pack, zipping it up. "I found it up a tree. And you know what they say," he smiled at Jack nastily, "Finders keepers."

Jack had the suspicion that Sawyer wasn't just talking about the gun.

"Whatever. Where's Kate? We need to get going." He glanced back at Ana, who was already slinging her pack on. He watched her for a second and she smiled and joined them. Sawyer glanced between the two of them.

"Go on, then, Doc. Surely you don't need _Kate_ to hold your hand." He started to stand, putting a little pressure on his arm. It held, and he pushed up with it, stretching the tight muscles.

Jack chuckled humorlessly. "No, Sawyer, I certainly don't need that." Something in his tone made Sawyer look up. "Fine. You know how to find us. Or, Kate does, anyway." Sawyer opened his mouth to retort.

"Kate does what?" She sauntered easily into the camp, tossing a mango to Sawyer, who caught it one handed and winked at her. She grinned, then tossed one to Jack and Ana. "Kate does what?" she asked again when no one answered. "Did I miss something?" She looked questioningly at Sawyer.

"Nah," Sawyer said, cutting the mango in half and handing one to Kate. "Butch and Sundance," he grinned at Jack, "were just leaving. I told them we'd catch up." He leaned close to Kate and purred in her ear, "After we attend to some _pressing_ business." He leaned against her.

She rolled her eyes at him. At least he was himself again. Whatever it was that had him so upset yesterday had passed, thank God, but as soon as she'd joined him last night he'd been all over her; not in a sexual way, just constantly touching and gazing at her. When they finally fell asleep his hands had been firmly entwined in her hair, her head on his chest; when she woke he still had her hair clenched in his fists. She'd extracted herself with some difficulty and he woke up briefly, holding her hand tightly, mumbling, "Whereyougoin'?"

"Breakfast. Want me to bring you something back?" He mumbled incoherently, but his grip on her hand didn't ease. She'd had to nearly yank it out of his grasp.

She glanced at Jack and Ana. Through some mutual agreement she didn't remember making it appeared that the hostility from yesterday was on hold. The arrogance of it ticked her off a little. She was still pissed at them both, and a little hurt at Jack's indifference, but as Sawyer once said, "Bygones." She'd been a little uncomfortable bedding down with Sawyer right in front of Jack, but once she curled up in his arms she forgot all about Jack anyway. "I'm ready, I guess. Where are our trail guides?"

Jack hoisted his pack a little higher, and turned away. "They're scouting I suppose. But _you_ can track, so let's go."

She flared at the presumptuous tone. "I can, huh? That's nice, since you just told me last night that _we_," she pointed to herself and Sawyer, "were a burden on you." Sawyer glanced sharply at Jack, who turned back to them. "You won't wait for us, right?"

Jack looked a little sad. "I didn't mean it like that, Kate."

"Well then just how did you mean it, Doc?" Sawyer snarled at Jack, moving in between him and Kate. "And who said we were _tryin'_ to keep up with you, anyway? Maybe we like our alone time."

Kate and Jack both glared at him. "Whatever, Jack," Kate snapped, "I'll track- _this time_. But I want you to understand that you don't get to tell me what to do anymore." She glared nastily at Ana. "You never _did._ What I did for you I did because I wanted to." She glanced at Sawyer, whose face was getting stormy. "But it won't be that way again."

The hurt look on Jack's face stung Ana. She glared at Kate, putting her hand on her club. "Don't talk to him like that."

Kate didn't even look at her. She was watching Sawyer, who had an expression she'd never seen before. He was smiling at her with...relief? "It's none of your business, Ana. This has nothing to do with you."

Ana rose to the bait. "Maybe I'm making it my business, _Maggie_."

Kate spun on her, aghast, her heart icy with fear. "What did you call me?" Sawyer looked at her strangely.

Ana shrugged. "Sorry, I meant to say Kate. Slip of the tongue." Ana one, Kate zero, she thought.

Kate glared at her warily. "Fine. Let's go." She snatched up her pack and slinging it over her shoulder she stomped off to find Locke's trail, Ana's words ringing in her ears- surely it was just a coincidence?

Scowling, Sawyer watched her go, then turned on Ana. "What the hell was that about, Butch?" Kate's eyes had flashed terror at Ana's slip; he wanted to know why.

Ana smirked at him, and glanced over at Jack. He was looking back at her, a little curious himself. "Nothing, Cowboy. Just a slip of the tongue, like I said." She nodded after Kate, who was slipping into the trees. "We'd better go."

Jack nodded and went after Kate. Sawyer watched him disappear too, then grabbed Ana's arm hard, jerking her back to him. "I don't know what that was all about, Butch," he snarled, "But if you do anything to hurt her I'll kill you."

Ana just gave him a sly half-smile and snatched her arm out of his grasp, his grip leaving red welts. She pushed up against him, hard. "I'll be waiting for you, Cowboy." Smirking at him one last time she followed Jack and Kate into the jungle.

"Bitch."

-------

Locke stopped, staring into the pit below him. He and Eko had been going all morning. There was no trail to scout, of course, but they both felt that they were close; whatever the Island wanted to show them was near.

"What is this?" Locke asked to the air. Did this belong to the Others? He lifted the ragged cover and peered into the muddy hole.

"Ana built it." Eko was to the side of him; that invisible force still kept them separate. John glanced up, but there was no further explanation.

John squatted down, peering closer into the pit. "Is this where you put Sawyer and the others?" Eko nodded. Rubbing his forehead, John looked around and said, "Keep anyone else in here?"

"Yes."

John laughed a little. "A man of few words." He stood and shut the lid of the pit again. "Can't imagine _any_ of them were too happy."

That made Eko smile. "No. None of them were very happy. But what is done is done."

"Mmm." John cast one last look at the frond covered hole. "So we should be close to your old camp. The other hatch?"

Eko nodded. "Yes. It is-" He stopped, staring into the jungle. Locke followed his gaze, and he could make out a shadow drifitng closer to them through the trees. The world went silent- everything was muffled and hazy.

Eko glanced at Locke, who was staring into the trees. The figure was closer; it looked like it was made of smoke. As it drew up on them the smoke cleared and a girl stepped out into the clearing.

Locke stared at her, frowning. She looked familiar, but he just couldn't place it. Then his eyes widened. "You!"


	16. Chapter 16

First, thank you to all of you who are taking the time to read and review this fic. I am SO glad you are enjoying it!

Second, I SWEAR I had this planned before the Hunting Party aired; it's just been tweaked a little to fit in more with the episode.

**Chapter 16**  
The girl came closer; Locke realized he'd made a mistake. She was too young, and _wilder_ looking. But the resemblance was uncanny; Locke glanced at Eko, who was staring curiously at her also.

"You know me, Mr. Locke?" She stopped before them, twisting her long dark hair in her fingers and staring at her bare feet. A spider was crawling along one of her toes, and she deftly picked it off and set in in the grass.

Locke was still a little stunned. "N-no, I made a mistake," he said. Recovering quickly from his shock he added, "But I believe I know your mother." She glanced at him. "Alex."

The girl smiled. "Yes," she said softly, "I'm Alex." She had a hazy, ethereal quality to her, though she was solid matter. Locke noticed that she had left no tracks in the soft soil. She suddenly turned serious. "The people you are tracking- they are close. You have to come with me now."

Eko spoke up, fingering his club. "Come with you where?"

Alex smiled. "Mister Eko, I think you'll like it. In fact, it may make you feel right at home." She giggled a little, then frowned. "We'll be coming for him soon. You have to get him out and back to your camp. You'll be safer there."

Locke tilted his head a little. "Saf_er_?" he asked. That didn't sound reassuring. Alex looked a little sad. "Why..do you want him?" He still wasn't sure who 'him' was, but he played along.

"Because Walt does." She said it as if she were speaking to an idiot.

Locke was confused. He glanced over at Eko, who also had a somewhat perplexed look on his face. Wouldn't Michael go willingly if it involved Walt?

"I don't understand, Alex. Michael loves Walt, he's been out looking for him, day and night. He would just go with you."

She shook her head, sighing a little. "Michael cannot see Walt, or hear him. He is not one of _us_. All he will see is blackness; all he will hear is silence." Seeing the worried look on Locke's face, Alex smiled a little. "He is fine, John. Walt is very special- but then you knew that didn't you?"

Locke nodded. "Yes."

"He is better off with us. So are the others we took from your camps. But Michael will die; he will live in darkness and silence until he believes he is dead. Then what's the difference?"

Locke hesitated. "I saw your mother's tracks, meeting up with Michael and Jin. Why did she hand them over to you?" Alex twisted the bottom of her ragged shirt nervously.

"They promised her...something." Locke didn't press it.

"Why are you telling us this?" Eko spoke again, gently.

Alex shook her head. "No more questions. We have to go. _Now._" Locke glanced at Eko, silently asking him his opinion. Despite their differences in personal dogma, Locke enjoyed the big Nigerian. He was intelligent and well-spoken (two qualities Locke put a lot of stock in) and they also shared the bond forged by the Island. And he had faith. Eko nodded almost imperceptibly, and Locke nodded too. Alex smiled. "Let's go, then." She stepped into the trees and faded into the brush; Locke and Eko followed, melting silently behind her, leaving the pit behind.

-----

Luckily for Kate, Locke and Eko had left a pretty clear trail through the jungle. She was barely looking at the ground; her head was spinning. It wasn't so much that Ana had called her Maggie -and that was no slip of the tongue- but the name made her remember things that she had only just managed to push to the back of her mind. Her world for the past week had revolved around Sawyer to the extent that everything else had been forgotten; he made her want to smile, and laugh, and- she shivered at the thought- _feel_ for the first time in a very, very long time. But Ana's 'slip' brought all of those terrible _things_ crashing back onto her, crushing her beneath the renewed weight of guilt and fear. And the need to run away.

She didn't hear Sawyer coming up from behind. He was panting a little, trying to catch up to her; she was going fast. He finally drew up next to her. "Slow down, Freckles. You ain't runnin' a race." She didn't seem to hear him. "Ohhhkay. Maybe you are. Who's winnin'?" Still no response. "Kate!"

He grabbed her arm; she stopped and stared at the ground. "What?"

He tried to look in her eyes, but she wouldn't raise her head. "Hey, you okay?" He cupped her chin in his hand and lifted her face to his, but she wouldn't meet his eyes. "What was that about back there?"

She looked everywhere but his eyes. She wanted _away_; from everyone and everything. She wanted to hide herself behind that door again and lock herself in with her memories and her guilt. She wanted the airplane. "Nothing."  
She pulled away from him and started walking.

Sawyer didn't know what to do. He stared after her for a second, then caught up again. He tried to take her hand, but she jerked it away angrily; he stopped, glaring at her back. "Okay, Freckles," he called after her, a little hurt. "I guess I'll see you on the flip side." He dropped back, letting Ana and Jack pass him by. He wasn't really mad at Kate; she was obviously upset about the name thing. But Ana was another story; he could already feel his fingers around her throat. He walked behind her and Jack, imagining the ways he would like to hurt them both.

They came into a large clearing and Kate stopped for a drink. And she couldn't bear it any longer, she wanted the plane. It was in her pack; she wanted it in her hand, in her pocket- somewhere she could feel it. She rummaged around in her pack, while Jack and Ana glanced around.

"I know where we are, Jack," she said, pointing to a funny-looking pile of fronds. "That's the pit. We're close to our old camp."

Sawyer was looking at Ana with narrowed eyes, standing near the edge of the pit. "Well, looky here. My old place. I was feelin' a little homesick." He glanced back at Kate, but she was still digging frantically in her pack.

Ana sneered at him. "I think there's a vacancy, if you're interested." She motioned into the pit.

"Nah," Sawyer said, leaning in threateningly, "I ain't _slummin'_ any more." Kate had her pack dumped out on the ground, scattering her things everywhere. Sawyer grabbed at his pocket, remembering he'd taken something out of her pack earlier. He scrabbled at his pockets- it was gone. Oh, shit, he thought, what the hell did I do? He tried to remember if he'd taken it out of his pocket, but he didn't think so, once he put it there he forgot all about it.

Ana was smiling nastily at Kate, who was still digging through everything in her bag, pulling socks apart, unfolding a shirt and shaking it. She glanced over at Jack, who was staring at Kate with a look of concern. That infuriated her. She pulled something out of her pocket and held it up in the air. "Is this what you're looking for, Maggie?" She called out, holding Tom's plane in her hand.

Kate turned to look. Her heart froze as she saw Ana with the airplane and something in her snapped. "Give me that."

Ana smirked at her. "No." Neither Jack or Sawyer had moved; they were watching apprehensively as Kate stalked slowly towards Ana. Sawyer was stunned; this was a Kate he had never seen before. She was frightening; her eyes were blazing and he was suddenly a little scared for _Ana_, of all people, because Kate had murder in her eyes and he knew she was capable of it.

Kate stood toe-to-toe with Ana, staring into her eyes. "Give it to me. _Now._"

Ana glared back. "No."

Kate's fist came out of nowhere, splitting Ana's lip against her teeth and sending her sprawling in the dirt. Ana was up quickly, tasting the blood from her lip. She smiled at Kate, showing bloody teeth. "That all you got?"

Kate smiled, but it was cold, hard smile. "Hardly."

Jack started forward, but Sawyer grabbed his shirt, holding him back. "This don't have anything to do with us, Doc," he said. "This is between them." Jack glared at him, but he didn't try to break it up.

The two women circled each other warily. Kate was calculating and cold; she waited for an opportunity. Ana still held the plane in her hand; she held it out teasingly towards Kate, trying to bait her into going for it. "You know I was a cop, right, Maggie?" Ana taunted. "Yeah. A year or so ago I was in New Mexico, a training excercise with the US Marshals." Kate didn't respond. Jack and Sawyer exchanged glances at the mention of Marshals. Ana kept on. "While I was there, someone robbed a bank. Not usually something the Marshals get in on; but this one was different. It was a setup. The Marshals wanted this bank to get robbed."

Kate found an opportunity. Ana glanced away for an instant to Jack; in that second Kate rammed her, her hands grabbing for the plane. They both fell to the ground, rolling and wrestling, then Ana was up on her feet and Kate already up circling. Ana still had the plane. They were both breathless and covered in dirt and leaves. Grinning, her teeth still red, Ana dangled the airplane in front of Kate. "They were looking for someone in particular. A murderer who had escaped custody. Who had also killed her old boyfriend by driving through a roadblock with him in the front seat with her." Ana's tone turned cold and venomous. "He had a kid, too, isn't that sad?"

Sawyer and Jack were frozen. Jack was staring at Kate as if she were an alien; as if he'd never seen her before. Sawyer, on the other hand, looked sadly at her. He wanted to hold her, to stop this- he didn't want her to hear any more. _He_ didn't want to hear any more. But Ana plowed on. "So she tricks this guy into helping her rob this bank, then shoots him and his two buddies." She glared at Kate. "One of them died. Did you know?"

Guilty tears rolled down Kate's cheeks as she nodded. Sawyer had to restrain himself from pulling his gun and shooting Ana in the head. I'm gonna get you for this, he thought. You are going to _pay_ for this.

"But here's the crazy part," Ana said. "She didn't take any money. All she took was this." She held up the plane. "All of that... for _this_."

Kate pulled out her gun and pointed it at Ana's head. "Give me the plane." Ana just stared at her, smiling. Kate cocked the gun. Her eyes were cold and emotionless. "I promise you I will do it. Give .me. the. plane."

Ana stared for another second, then threw the plane in the dirt. "Take it," she sneered. "No need for someone else to die for a toy." She threw a glance at Sawyer. "You ought to be more careful about pickpockets." She twinkled her fingers at him with a nasty grin. Sawyer lunged for her, reaching out to grab her neck; he was going to _kill_ her. Jack grabbed the back of his shirt, pulling him away as Ana jumped back out of his reach; Sawyer scowled at Jack, who just shrugged. "Between them, Sawyer, remember?"

Kate grabbed the plane and was gone. Sawyer saw her disappearing into the jungle and he took off after her. "Kate! Come back!"

She heard him call her but she was beyond reason. She needed to _run_; she needed to get away. But she couldn't run from what was pursuing her; it was clutched in her sweaty, bloody hand.

Sawyer couldn't catch her; she was going too fast. She disappeared into the trees in front of him. "Kate!" he called, "Kate!" He spun around looking for her; she was gone. She didn't answer. Something caught his eyes, lying in the dirt. He stooped and his heart froze with dread. "Oh, Jesus." He whispered, and he held up Tom's plane in disbelief. Where the hell was Kate?

-----

Alex left them at the door of the second hatch. "I have to go before I'm missed," she said. "Good luck. Remember...we'll be looking for you. So go quickly." She disappeared in a cloud of black smoke.

Eko and Locke looked at each other. "Well," John said, "That was unusual."

Eko laughed. "That, my friend, is what they call an 'understatement'." Locke laughed too. He took a deep breath and opened the airlock door.

It was dark; he took out his flashlight and flicked it on. "Quarantine," he said, reading from the door. "Ours said that too." It was cavelike- the walls were stone instead of concrete; there was no kitchen or shower. Or computer. Locke noticed a Dharma Logo on one of the walls. Instead of a Swan it had an arrow pointing up. It looked like it had been stenciled on the wall.

Eko led him to the black trunk they had found when they first used the hatch. "This is where I found the film," he explained. "Also we found a radio that worked. And a glass eye."

Locke looked intrigued. "A glass eye? Hmmm. And a radio- did you pickup anything?"

Eko hesitated. "Yes. Once. We picked up a transmission. Someone saying that they were the survivors of our flight." He looked down, then back up at Locke. "Ana said it was Them, trying to draw us out." he looked steadily at John. "You suspect otherwise."

Locke smiled quickly. He thought for a second. "How long ago was this transmission? About 3 weeks?"

"I suppose so."

Locke suddenly looked sad and guilty. Eko looked at him, questioning. "Long story. But I think it was Boone you heard on the radio. Right before he died."  
He shrugged the memory away. "Let's find Michael and Jin."

They weren't hard to find. They were sprawled out on the floor, eyes closed. Locke went to Michael immediately, checking him over. "He's breathing." He shook Michael gently. "Michael! Michael! Get up!" He shook him a little harder.

He woke with a gasp, like a drowning man taking his first breath; he gazed around wildly. "Where's- where's Walt?" He gasped. "Where am I?"

"Easy, Michael, easy. It's me, Locke." He held Micahel still. Eko was kneeling next to Jin, shaking him awake. He woke with a gasp, too, gazing wildly around the room. He started speaking Korean in a terrified voice.

Michael called out to him, "Hey, Jin, it's okay, man." Jin calmed at Micahel's voice, and he looked up at Eko, breathing harshly. Locke stood up, holding his hand out to Michael; he took it and Locke hauled him upon his feet. "What happened, man? Where are we?" He was slowly coming to his senses, like he'd been asleep for a very long time.

Locke smiled. "You are in the Arrow hatch, apparently. We are on the part of the island where the tail section crashed."

Michael looked confused. "Last thing I remember was being chained to a tree on some beach." He glowered. "Rousseau. She forced us to go there, she put chains on us." He glanced over at Jin, who was standing. "You okay, man?" he asked. Jin gave a half-hearted smile and a thumbs up. Michael smiled at that. "Good, man. Good."

Eko spoke. "We need to go, Locke. We have to find Jack and the others." He looked at Michael. "I know you do not want to leave without your son, Michael, but we need to go to camp now. We will come back out again, but we need to plan. Do you understand?"

Michael looked rebellious, but he gave in. "Yeah. I guess." He looked at Locke, fear in his eyes. "I don't remember anything that happened."

Locke smiled reassuringly. "It's okay, Michael. We can worry about that later. Right now we need to go find Jack and get out of here. Can you both walk okay?" Michael tested his legs with a few steps and nodded; Jin did too. Eko handed them both a water bottle, and they drank quietly. "Okay," Locke said. "Let's go. We've got a walk ahead of us."

-----

He was frantic. It was getting dark. Where the hell was she? She was right in front of him, then, _gone._ He tried to calm down, reason things out, but he kept feeling the points of the wings of the plane poking him; after holding a gun on someone for it he didn't think she would just drop it in the dirt. Jack. Sawyer screamed in frustration. He was going to have to get Jack.

He ran back to the camp. Ana and Jack were sitting on a rock; Jack was tending to Ana's split lip. Sawyer noticed that Jack didn't seem too warm towards Ana either. "She's gone, Jack."

Jack glanced up from Ana's lip. "I see that, Sawyer. And?"

Sawyer held out the plane. "This was on the ground. She wouldn't have left it. She's _gone_."

Ana snorted. "Can't say I'm too sorry."

Sawyer pulled his gun from the back of his pants, pointing it at her head. "This is your fault," he snarled. He cocked it. "I'm going to kill you." Jack jumped up, putting his hands up and standing in front of Ana.

"Don't, Sawyer. This isn't her fault."

Sawyer looked at him incredulously. "What? You're protecting her?" He waved the gun at Ana. "After what she just did?" He stared at Jack as if he was crazy, then he swung the gun up and pointed it at Jack's head. "Maybe I should shoot you instead."

Jack stared him down. "You do what you think you need to."

The bushed rustled behind them. Sawyer spun around, and Jack pulled his gun, cocking it. Locke stepped out, cautiously. Jack dropped his gun, but Sawyer turned back around and aimed at Jack's head.

Locke was alarmed. "What's going on?" Eko came out, followed by Jin and Michael. "Sawyer?"

Eko took the scene in and he shouted. "James!" Sawyer froze, and turned his head just a little. Eko went to him and said, quietly, so only Sawyer could hear, "What are you doing, James? Is this really what you want? Is this the path you want to take?"

The clearing was silent. Michael and Jin were staring in stunned disbelief; Locke was still, watching, and Ana stood behind Jack, almost paralyzed with fear. She could see Sawyer's eyes, and they were the eyes of someone who was going to kill. As Eko whispered to him, though, he slowly lowered the gun, uncocking it. "No." he muttered. He glared at Jack and stepped up close to him, whispering malevolently, "Kate just saved your life, Doc. You might want to think about returning the favor." He stuck the gun in his waistband and turned away.

Torches blazed up all around them. "That won't be necessary." A voice boomed out in the darkness. "She's right here." Sawyer's heart dropped as she was shoved out into the torchlight; her hands were bound behind her back and she had a thick gag tied around her mouth. She was terrified, Sawyer could see it. There was a gun held to her throat. A man walked out, keeping her in front of him like a shield. "I come in peace, this time. Jack, you wanna step up here so we can have a chat?"

Jack stared at Kate and swallowed hard. He couldn't reconcile the Kate he knew with all of those things Ana had said. They just didn't mesh. He knew Kate was a criminal, and she had admitted to killing the man she loved, but somehow he still couldn't picture her as cold and hard, as a _criminal_. But he had _seen_ her, and suddenly, deep down he knew that she was capable of absolutely anything. It was frightening.

He hesitated. The gun at Kate's throat cocked. Sawyer threw a terrified look at Jack. "Jack!" he hissed, motioning his head at her. What the hell was he playing at?

Jack stepped forward, reluctantly. He wasn't entirely sure he _wanted_ to save her. "Who are you?"

The man's grin was barely visible through his thick beard. "Well, who I am ain't really the issue, now is it?" Kate cried out as he jammed the barrel of the gun harder against her throat. Sawyer leapt forward, but a bullet whizzed by him, clipping his ear. He clapped his hand over his ear and drew back blood. Kate saw it and moaned again. Sawyer was in a frenzy. She was ten feet away and he couldn't do anything to help her. He had never felt so helpless in his life; he loathed himself for it. "We just want Michael."

Michael stepped forward. "They took Walt,' he said, "I'll go." Eko leaned forward and whispered something to him. He stepped back and didn't speak.

Jack smiled crazily at the man. "You're not taking anybody."

Sawyer couldn't contain his fury any longer. Kate was so scared he couldn't bear to look at her; but he couldn't look away. He snarled, "If you've hurt one hair on her head-"

"Shut up," The man snapped. "Jack, I'm gonna make this real easy on you. You have three seconds to give him to us, or I'm gonna blow her head off right in front of you." He moved the gun around to the back of her head and she moaned in terror again. Sawyer wanted to scream. I'm not done with you, Ahab, he thought. Not by a damn long shot. "One."

Jack didn't move. Sawyer glared at him. What the hell are you doing, Jack?

"Two."

He was terrified. Kate was staring at him, begging him to help her. The vision of her lifeless bloody body swam in his vision, and he glanced around desperately. His eyes fell on Eko, who nodded at him imperceptibly.

"Take me." The words were out before he realized it. Kate's eyes widened in fear and she shook her head violently, crying out through the gag. He felt stronger the instant he said them; he was on the right path. "Take me instead."

The man laughed. "We don't want you, con man."

Sawyer gazed into Kate's eyes; he let her fill the world. She moaned and shook her head again, tears streaming down her face. He suddenly felt such- _love_ for her that his heart threatened to break from the pressure. He looked at the man and said, quietly, "Please."

Kate sobbed, sagging and shaking her head. Sawyer stared at the man, willing him to trade. He seemed to consider. "Okay, then, con man, we can find some use for you." He leered at Michael. "But we'll be coming for you, don't you worry."

Sawyer started to walk forward and Jack cocked his gun and pointed it at Sawyer's back. Kate screamed through the gag. "You gonna shoot me Doc?" Sawyer asked, looking back. "Shoot me then. I have to do this." Terrified tears ran down Kate's face; Jack stared at her for a minute, then uncocked the gun and put it in his belt.

Sawyer passed her slowly, drinking her in. He wanted to remember everything about her; every look, every delicious freckle; her wrinkled up nose and poking tongue when she cut his hair; the raindrops in her eyes spakling like diamonds; her hair brushing his skin as she rocked against him; her soft cries of passion. He stared at her as long as he could bear; then he leaned in and kissed her through the gag. She was crying, he could taste the salt of her tears; he wanted to cry. He pushed the airplane into her pocket and grinned at her, flashing his dimples. "See you on the flip side, Freckles," he said, and walked past her.

The man shoved Kate at Jack, then turned and disappeared into the trees, taking Sawyer with him.

Kate dropped to her knees, sobbing. Eko came to her, gently undoing her binds; he held her and whispered comforting words into her ear. She didn't hear them- her eyes were glued to the jungle where he had gone.

-----

She didn't remember walking anywhere. Making camp. Eating. Drinking. Breathing. She didn't know anything except he was gone. He had given himself up for her. It was all her fault. She sat staring blankly into the fire, dead to everything. People came to talk to her; she didn't see them, she didn't hear them. They didn't matter.

She had loved two men. Because of her they were both dead.

Eko came to her and touched her shoulder gently. She didn't respond. "Kate," he said gently, 'Look at me." She raised her head to him dully, the light gone from her eyes. He smiled at her kindly, then sat crosslegged beside her. he didn't speak for a few moments, and the fire crackled and popped as Kate stared emptily at it. "Some Christians believe that Jesus was married, did you know that?" He asked mainly to see if she was paying attention. She shook her head slowly. Good. There was life in her yet. "They believe that he was married to Mary Magdalene, who was portrayed as a reformed prostitue for fifteen hundred years. The Church reversed that years ago," he added, smiling. "But she was his wife, his partner. The one he loved more than any other. When he was crucified, she stayed until the end. When the other disciples forsook him, she remained true." He paused. Kate had lifted her eyes to him, a spark of life returning. He smiled again. "On the third day, when he rose from the grave it was not John, or James, or even Peter to whom he revealed himself; it was Mary, his beloved. We know Jesus died to cleanse the sins of man," he leaned close to her, almost whispering, "but these Christians believe that he died to cleanse _her_ sins, so that she would be able to join him in the Kingdom of Heaven." Kate's heart lifted. "Do you know what the most beautiful thing about Heaven is, Kate?" She shook her head slowly. He smiled, widely and happily. "It is wherever and whatever you wish it to be." Kate smiled, tears trickling down her cheeks. Eko leaned up and laid his hand on hers. She felt an electric shock where he touched her. "Is there something you desire, Kate? Something that you want more than anything?" She nodded, her smile gone. But the tears reamined. Eko touched her cheek gently, wiping away a tear; he looked deep into her eyes. "The island will give you what you want, Katherine," he whispered, "but you have to give it something in return. You have to sacrifice- not what you hold, but what holds you. Do you understand?"

She nodded. "Yeah. I think so."

Eko nodded happily. "Very well, then, I will leave you to it." he stood, touching Kate's head with hand. "He is not dead, Kate. You must believe that." She did. Her heart lifted a little more, and she smiled at him. He turned away, leaving her alone.

Her sins. Died for the sins of the one he loved. Kate held the plane in her hands, tightly; feeling it once more. Feeling Tom. She gazed at it, unwilling; then she saw Sawyer, his hair hanging in his eyes, his sarcastic grin, his body hard on hers, and his hands on her skin...

Kate sighed. Goodbye, Tom. I'm sorry, but it's time for me to try to let go. She hesitated one more second, then tossed the plane into the fire.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**  
The party set out early the next morning, heading back to their camp. Locke had gathered everyone together and explained his and Eko's meeting with Alex, though he didn't tell them who she was. Discretion, John thought, would be best. Michael seemed to understand that going with the Others would not be in his best interest but Jack kept a close eye on him anyway. He wondered what they would do when they got back to camp; he couldn't watch Michael twenty-four hours a day. He toyed with the idea of setting up a schedule of people to tail him, keep tabs on what he was doing, and he resolved to ask Ana about it later.

Ana. He shook his head. She had barely spoken after the Others took Sawyer; Jack thought he read a little guilt in her eyes. He sighed, reluctantly admitting to himself that she had kind of set things in motion; but, truthfully, blame could be laid on any of them. Except Sawyer. He had done nothing wrong, unless it was stopping Jack from breaking them up. But Jack knew deep down that he _couldn't_ have stopped them; Kate wouldn't have let it go. He was scared of her, almost; he'd never seen someone so _icy_, so _desperate_. If he had gotten in between them he had no doubt that Kate would have just as easily pointed that gun at his head. Just as easily as Sawyer had, probably, but he hadn't really been worried about Sawyer shooting him. They _do_ deserve each other, he thought, a little sadly, glancing back at Kate. She walked like a zombie, staring straight ahead at nothing. Eko was next to her, speaking gently in her ear, she smiled a little, then her face went slack again. It was painful to watch her, and Jack turned away, his stomach clenching with anger at Them. He wondered for the millionth time what was happening to Sawyer; the possibilities made him sick with dread. He glanced back at Kate again; she was still staring off into space. She hadn't even argued for going to find Sawyer, going after Them; her docility frightened Jack a little. Maybe I'd better put a watch on her, too, he thought. Just in case.

Kate wasn't seeing the jungle; her eyes saw nothing but him. She stayed close to Eko, only talking to him; his presence was calming and it soothed her ragged heart. She was ripped in two; the best part of her was gone, and she craved the comfort of Eko's wise words and the hope they offered. She clung to that hope; if she lost her grip on it she would slide away into empty darkness. Eko spoke quietly now and then, telling her interesting things about the plants and birds they passed, things about books, history; anything to keep her in the world, keep her holding on. She would answer occasionally, even asking him questions here and there; her natural curiosity would win out in flashes, though they didn't last long. Most of the time she was silent and withdrawn, seeing Sawyer everywhere she looked. She tried not to think about what could be happening to him; she couldn't bear to imagine what They would do. And the guilt. He did it for her; because she had been stupid enough to let Them get her. She didn't remember anything; just a sudden silence in the jungle, and then blackness. The next thing she remembered was getting shoved into the torchlight, hands bound and mouth gagged; Sawyer was there, staring at her in terror and fury and helplessness. She wanted to tell him she wasn't worth it; she screamed it into the gag as he was walking to her, his eyes shining with something she had never seen in them before. He kissed her; she was crying, she couldn't feel him, she couldn't touch him -and then he was...gone.

She sobbed a little; Eko reached over and touched her arm, gently, giving her a little shock. She was getting used to them, though, they didn't bother her as much as they had at first. She glanced up at him, and he smiled at her reassuringly, whispering in her ear. Smiling slightly, Kate wiped away a stray tear. "You have to lift it up, Kate," Eko whispered, "Lift your heart." She did. It worked almost every time, if only for a few minutes.

Her thoughts strayed to the plane. Tossing it in the fire had been easier than she imagined, though still not too easy. Her life had been wrapped up in a tiny piece of metal; all of her guilt and shame and self-hatred had been trapped in that plane and she carried it like a talisman, hauling all of those things with her wherever she went. Even when she didn't physically possess the plane it ruled her life; she knew it was out there and she needed it in her hands. Now it was gone, destroyed, taking with it the burden she had been carrying ever since Tom's death. But not completely; there would always be traces of it on her heart.

They stopped briefly a few times during the day, to drink and rest in the sweltering heat. Michael and Jin walked together, not talking too much. Michael was stunned by what Sawyer had done. He was a hero, Michael thought, whether he believed it or not. He glanced up at Kate's back; she and Eko were in front of them, walking slowly. He couldn't imagine what she was thinking or feeling; his mistrust of her notwithstanding, he'd always _liked_ Kate, ever since the day they went boar hunting together. She'd been nice to Walt, too, he remembered, always making sure he got some of the fruit she picked. He felt a little guilty about snubbing her when she was cutting Sawyer's hair, but part of that had been surprise of walking up on them kissing. He thought about going up to talk to her, but what would he say? He sighed and turned his thoughts to Walt. He knew going after him again would be stupid; Eko had whispered in his ear when the Other wanted to take him, telling him to stay, to have faith- and he touched his arm, sending a shock running through him. And he did have faith; he decided to wait. He still wanted to go, but something was telling him to be patient, to look at things from a different perspective. It wasn't easy, though, to rein himself in.

Ana was trailing everyone; she didn't want to talk. Kate's eyes haunted her; the empty grieving stare reminded her of herself after she lost her baby. She'd just wanted to needle her; how could she know Kate would react like that? She hadn't planned on taking it so far, but when Kate hit her she snapped. Kate holding a gun the day before had jarred her memory- the bank had a surveillance camera, and she had been on it, plain as day, shooting her boyfriend and his buddies. It was a little hypocritical, Ana knew, but she was a cop; her life was dedicated to catching criminals, and Kate was a _murderer_. Well, it was a _lot_ hypocritical. She was a murderer, too, wasn't she? But _he_ killed my baby, she rationalized. I did a good thing.

It was a silent, pensive group that trailed slowly through the jungle.

-----

They finally made it back to camp, late the next evening. The rest of the hike had been uneventful; no sign of monsters or Others. Everyone separated, quietly; Jin went to Sun, who alternately hit him and hugged him; Ana went to her tent alone; Michael found Vincent on the beach; Locke and Jack went to the hatch. Eko left Kate at the beach, by Sawyer's tent; she paused before going in. Eko smiled gently at her, "Are you alright?"

She nodded, gazing into the dim light. "I'm fine," she said, and she smiled at him as if to prove it. But the smile didn't reach her eyes, and he touched her gently.

"Kate," he said, "Maybe you should not do this right now."

She shook her head. "No, I'm fine. really. I...need to be here."

"Alright then. You know where to find me." He turned and left her. Alone.

She couldn't bear to go in yet. She stood at the flap for a long time, staring into the dark, trying to feel him in there. She finally took a step, taking a deep breath and holding it. She half-expected to see him lounging on his cot grinning at her, and she lay down on it, her face to the cloth, trying to breathe him in, smell him, taste him. He wasn't there; her tears soaked the fabric. She finally fell asleep, her face still pressed to the cot.

-----

"What do you think, Sayid?" Jack asked, looking at him seriously. He and Locke had just told Sayid all of the events of the hike; Sayid seemed especially interested in Danielle's involvement.

"You said the Other you spoke to was a female, Locke?" Sayid studied his face, looking for a lie.

"Yes."

"Was she older? Younger? What did she look like?"

John sighed. He didn't like where this line of questioning was going. "She was young. I'd say in her late teens, maybe a little older. She had dark hair. That is all I can tell you."

Sayid studied him closely. He smiled to himself. "Are you sure about that, John?" Jack glanced at Locke, who was rubbing his forehead.

"Yes, Sayid, I'm sure." He returned Sayid's gaze.

Sayid nodded. "Okay." He paused. "So now the question is, what do we do? They are going to be coming after Michael, and they have Sawyer and Walt. Do we go to them? Or do we wait for them to come to us?"

"Well," Locke said, "Neither one has ever worked out too well for us, has it?"

All three of them sat silently, at a loss. Sayid finally spoke. "I think our best bet will be to set up sentries on the beach; arm anyone who knows how to use a gun." He glanced around at them; they both looked skeptical. "I know, it did not work too well last time. But do you have a better idea?"

Jack sighed. "Alright. Let's get down to the beach. Start setting up posts, getting people for guard duty. We should probably post a guard here too, someone has to stay for the button." They all stood.

Sayid put his hand on Jack's arm. "How is Kate?" he asked softly. He could sympathize after losing Shannon; he knew her heart must be breaking. He had always seen something between the two of them, and judging by Sawyer's surprising action, there was a lot more than he had guessed.

Jack flinched. "I don't know." He hadn't spoken to Kate; he wasn't sure what to feel about her. Or what she felt for him. He hadn't exactly been a friend lately, and now he was sorry; he was afraid it was too late for them to salvage anything of their relationship. When the man had his gun to Kate's head forcing Jack to make a choice he had been torn; did he want to save her? Was she worth it? His heart said yes, his head said no- if Sawyer hadn't done what he did, Jack wasn't sure how he would have answered. He didn't want to face her.

Sayid looked at Jack with a little pity. "Go talk to her, Jack." he said quietly. "She needs you right now. Believe me."

Jack stared at him for a minute, then ducked his head and nodded. "Yeah," he said, "maybe I'll do that."

-----

Kate sat staring blankly at the ocean. The sun was high; she had slept a long time. It had been a restless sleep plagued by nightmares and tears, but she had been unwilling to give it up; returning to the world was worse.

Jack came into the tent. He stood silently for a minute, giving her a chance to say something first; he didn't know how to begin. She didn't speak. "Hi, Kate."

She didn't raise her stare from the ocean. "What do you want, Jack?"

He hesitated. Her voice was so empty and cold; he didn't know how to continue. "I'm sorry." It was all he could think of to say.

"Sorry for what? You didn't make him do it."

"I could have stopped him. I could have-"

Kate turned her cold, dead eyes on him. "Do you really think you could have stopped him?" He looked down at the ground, then back up to her, swallowing hard. He shook his head. "No. You couldn't, unless you shot him. But you're not a _murderer_, are you?"

"Kate, I-"

"Don't, Jack. I saw how you were looking at me after she said all those things. After I pulled the gun. You looked like you hated me and I don't blame you if you do. I'm not good, Jack. I'm not worth it." He couldn't meet her eyes; he looked away, sick at heart. "I wasn't worth _him_."

"He obviously thought you were." He stepped closer to her, and she didn't draw away. "Kate, he loved you. Don't ever think you weren't worth that."

Her shoulders shook as she started crying again. He went to her, wrapping his arms around her comfortingly; she leaned into him and he held her, soothing her as she wept.

-----

"Kate!" Sun was yelling at her, running as fast as she could towards the tent. "Kate! They found him! He's at the hatch-" but Kate was gone before she could finish her sentence.

She ran until her lungs felt like they would burst; the hatch seemed so far. She couldn't think about anything other than seeing him again, touching him. She put her head down and redoubled her efforts; she didn't want to waste another second.

Eko was waiting for her at the door of the hatch. He put his arm out and caught her before she could get to the door and she fought him, desperate to get in. "Kate," he said, holding her back, " Kate, please, listen for a minute."

Sudden terror gripped her and she stopped struggling. He was dead. She couldn't breathe. "He's dead, isn't he?" She didn't want to hear his answer.

Eko sighed. "No, he is not dead." Her knees went weak with relief. "I found him in the jungle about a mile from here. He does not look good, Kate, but Jack assures me that it is all just superficial. I wanted to tell you so you would not panic." He smiled at her kindly. "Now, go to him." He let her go. She opened the door and ran in.

She wasn't prepared. He was bruised and bloody; Jack was stitching a particularly nasty gash across his forhead. She went to him, slowly, her hands over her mouth. Jack had his shirt off; his chest and shoulders were a criss-cross of cuts and bruises and stitches. He was covered in blood; his face and neck were smeared with it. One of his eyes was swollen shut, the other had a huge gash over it. She went to him, touching him and crying softly; Jack watched her quietly as she covered Sawyer with kisses, her tears leaving streaks in his blood.

"He's okay, Kate. He's just a little beat up. I've put in a few stitches and I just need to clean him up a little." She couldn't take her eyes off of him. He was here. He was back; she wanted to laugh and cry and scream all at once. "You should see this." He pointed to Sawyer's shoulder. The bullet wound was gone; completely healed. There wasn't even a scar.

Kate looked at Jack, questioning. "It's gone? How is that possible?"

"I don't know." He shrugged. "I'm going to clean him up now," he said, then he smiled. "Unless you want to do it?"

Kate smiled her first genuine smile in three days. "Yeah," she said softly. "I do."


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

Eko sat on the beach, carving a new word into his club. The club was his rod and his staff, and it comforted him; it was nice to have the things he needed to remember so close. He chiseled carefully, blowing occasionally to remove the shavings; finally he smiled and brushed it carefully, looking at his new addition. _James 2:26_. Yes, that is always good to remember, he thought.

He wondered how Kate was doing; he rose to go check on her. A whisper flickered by his head and he stopped, turning away from the beach. The whisper moved; it called to him, wanting him to follow it. He moved into the jungle; the whisper went faster, and rose in volume. He sped up; he was getting close. What did it want him to find? He went deeper and deeper into the jungle, his curiosity growing with each step. He couldn't understand the whisper but he could hear urgency behind it.

The whisper stopped as he came into a glade; he spun around, searching for something. He saw it.

It was Sawyer. He was crumpled in a heap, facedown in the dirt. Eko went to him, checking his breathing. He was alive. Blood was seeping through the back of his shirt in streaks; Eko gently rolled him over, looking aside in dismay as he saw Sawyer's face. He was covered in blood and dirt; his face was a mess of bruises and cuts. Blood was leaking over the front of his shirt, too, and his jeans; Eko didn't look under them. He had to get him to Jack. Something flitted silently through the jungle; he glanced up as he caught the movement from the corner of his eye. Whatever it was had gone. He turned his attention back to Sawyer.

Sawyer's eyes flew open and he screamed. "NO! NO! WALT! NOOOO! Don't! Don't touch me!" His eyes seemed to focus a little, and he grabbed Eko's collar, pulling him down violently. "They're coming," he said, raggedly. "They're coming for Mike." His voice started to fade and he let go of Eko, falling back to the ground. "I had..to...give...message..." His eyes rolled up in his head and he was out. Eko sat still, breathless for a moment. He lifted Sawyer and placed him as gently as he could over his shoulder. The hatch was only a mile away; he could run it quickly, even with the added weight.

He ran as smoothly as he could; he could feel the sticky blood seeping onto his shirt, dampening his shoulder. Sawyer groaned sporadically; Eko was trying hard not to jar him but he was sacrificing comfort for speed. He finally made it to the hatch and hollered for help. Sun and Jack came running; Sun froze in horror at Sawyer's bloodstained body, but Jack pushed aside his shock and got down to business. "Put him in the bunk." Eko went to the bed and lowered him gently to it. Jack started to examine him, directing Eko as he did. "Go to the medical stash and get me the alcohol and the bandages. I need some hot water and clean towels." Eko nodded and started after them; Jack pulled open Sawyer's shirt and blanched a little. "Better get the sewing kit too," he added. Jack glanced at Sun, who was still staring horrified at Sawyer, her hand over her mouth. "Sun!" Jack snapped her out of her stupor. "Go to the beach and get Kate." Sun nodded and took off to the beach.

Eko returned with the supplies. Jack nodded at him, "Help me with his clothes." They slid his shirt off with difficulty, and when Eko pulled off his jeans Jack had to look away. What the hell had they done to him? Every inch of him was battered and bruised; he looked like he'd been pushed through a thresher. He looked like he'd been _whipped_. Jack rolled him up to look at his back; it was a bloody raw mess. Jesus, he thought, what happened? He sighed and lowered him back down gently, and dipping a clean towel in the alcohol he started to dab at the deepest cuts. "Where did you find him?"

Eko watched Jack gently cleaning Sawyer's wounds. "About a mile from here. He was on the ground, unconcious."

"Did he wake up? Say anything?"

"Yes." Jack glanced up, waiting for Eko to continue. "He said they were coming. For Michael. He said he had to give the message." Eko looked at Sawyer, quickly. "He was not in his right mind, Jack."

Jack was looking furious and a little guilty. "Look what they did to him," he hissed. "_This_ is the message." He pointed to Sawyer's mangled body.

Eko was quiet for a while, watching Jack minister to Sawyer. He had cleaned the worst of the gashes, now he turned to stitching them up. "Do you like her?" Eko asked suddenly.

Jack was unsure of who he meant. "Do I like who?" He didn't look up; he slid the needle into the edge of a large wound and expertly knotted it, pulling the edges together.

"Ana-Lucia." Jack stopped and glanced at Eko, then looked back down at his work. He didn't answer. He had barely spoken to her since her fight with Kate; he knew she felt guilty about what happened. And looking at Sawyer, Jack hoped she _did_ feel guilty. "She did not mean for it to go so far, Jack. She made a mistake."

"Yeah, well, she does that a lot." He was instantly sorry he'd said it. It wasn't entirely her fault; there was plenty of blame to go around. The alarm went off and Jack nodded his head towards the computers. "Would you?" he asked, and Eko nodded, standing.

"I am going to wait for Kate," he said. "She should have a little warning before she sees this." Jack nodded,concentrating, and Eko went to the computers. A second later the alarm stopped, and Eko left the hatch to wait for Kate outside.

Jack kept stitching. He was closing up a particularly nasty gash when he noticed something. What the hell? he thought, looking at Sawyer's shoulder. The bullet wound was gone; no scar, nothing. What?

He heard Kate before he saw her; her feet pounded on the concrete as she ran into the room. He could see she hadn't been prepared enough. She was crying and she touched Sawyer softly, kissing him all over. Jack swallowed; not because he was jealous, but because the raw emotion of it broke his heart. "He's okay, Kate," he said, trying to ease her. "He's just a little beat up. I've put in a few stitches and I just need to clean him up a little." He stopped and pointed at Sawyer's shoulder. "You should see this."

His wound was gone; there was not even a trace of a scar. "It's gone? How is that possible?" She couldn't understand it.

"I don't know." Jack picked up another clean towel and dipped it in the hot water Eko had brought. "I'm going to clean him up now." He smiled at her. "Unless you want to do it?"

She smiled. It was nice to see that, Jack thought. Since he had gone to her on the beach the hostility and anger had gone; they were friends again, and Jack knew, without a doubt, that friends were all they would ever be. He looked at Sawyer, and thought of what he had done for Kate; he looked at Kate and saw how she loved him. And that was okay; Jack understood now. "Yeah," Kate said. "I do."

Jack handed her the towels and she started cleaning the blood and dirt from Sawyer's face. He worked on his legs, they were cut and bleeding too, but none of them needed stitches. He dreaded doing Sawyer's back; but it was Kate's reaction he dreaded even more.

She looked up at him. "Thank you, Jack," she said softly.

He looked at Sawyer, beaten and bloody; he had taken that for her. Jack was suddenly very glad that Sawyer was someone he could say that he knew; he had a new...respect for him. "I didn't do it for you."

Kate smiled at him. "I wasn't saying it for me."

Jack grinned back and they continued cleaning Sawyer together.

-----

Kate leaned back against the wall, shifting Sawyer's head in her lap a little. He was still sleeping, and she was exhausted. It had taken her and Jack more than an hour to get him completely cleaned and stitched; she had cried bitterly when she saw his back. Even cleaned and with a few stitches it looked like hamburger.

She closed her eyes, her hands gently stroking his hair. Fatigue started to take over, she slipped into a dozing half-sleep. But she was _happy_. She didn't want to stop touching him; her fingers slid lightly over his bruises. He had suffered this for her; she didn't know what she could ever do to tell him what that meant to her. She didn't know if she could ever even put it into words. Besides, she and Sawyer were great when it came to banter and argument, but serious emotional discussion was not something either of them would ever be very comfortable with.

She was almost asleep, her eyes closed, her head leaned back against the wall. "Hey, Freckles."

She smiled, and lowering her head she kissed him. It lasted forever; neither of them wanted to break it off. She finally did; if they kept on she wasn't sure she would be _able_ to stop, and he was definitely not in any condition to continue. "Hey, Tex," she whispered back.

He stared at her, that curious shine in his eyes again. He swallowed. "Are you okay?"

She stroked his hair, a few tears escaping down her cheeks. "Yes."

He was quiet for a second. "Am _I_ okay?"

She laughed at that. "I think so. You're pretty beat up." He stirred, groaning. "Don't move."

"What happened to me, Kate? I don't remember anything after...after I left." She let out a little sob, and his eyes filled with tears. "Please don't cry, Kate. I can't stand it." He tried to move but he was too sore; what the hell happened to him?

She tried to stifle her tears but they wouldn't be stopped. "Why did you do it, Sawyer? They could have killed you. I thought they had." She stroked his hair, gazing into his tear-filled eyes. "I thought _I_ killed you."

"Kate." He wanted to touch her but his arms wouldn't move. "Kate, you know why." His voice was breaking. "You know why, don't you?"

She stared at him forever. "Yes."

She kissed him again, their tears mingling together. Breathlessly she drew back, smiling at him. "I'm so glad you're back," she whispered into his ear, and he grinned, weakly.

"Yeah," he whispered back to her, "I notice you couldn't wait to get me in bed."

She laughed, wiping away her tears. "Well, that's the truth." Her face turned serious, and she looked into his eyes, swallowing hard. Her gut clenched at what she was going to say. "I do too."

His eyes lit up, shining. "Well, hell, Freckles," he said softly, "what are we wasting this perfectly good bed for? You already got my pants off; the rest shouldn't be too hard."

"God, Sawyer, do you ever think about anything else?" she laughed, wishing _she_ could think about something else.

"Nope. I have a one track mind, sweetheart, especially when it comes to you." He reached up, wincing; he had to touch her. Her hand found his, meeting it halfway. They sat that way for a long time but he was starting to ache terribly and his back was on fire; he suddenly felt very, very tired. She was here; he was safe. "Don't leave me, Kate," he murmured, slipping into sleep. His eyes closed.

"Don't worry," she whispered into his sleeping ear. "I won't."


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**  
Shannon's crucifix swung gently in the ocean breeze. He _missed_ her terribly; this was the only place he could feel her spirit. In two months he had lost the two women he loved; Shannon to Ana-Lucia's bullet, and Nadia to the real world. Sayid was beginning to despair that they would ever be rescued; this was his punishment for all of the bad things he had done in his life.

He was whispering silent prayers to Allah as he sat beside her. He prayed for Shannon, for all of them, even Ana-Lucia; she needed all the help she could get. She hadn't told him the whole truth the day Shannon was shot; she had been holding something back when he asked her what happened to the man who shot her. She was another tortured soul condemned to this place, and Sayid could sympathize; he understood it had been an accident, though that didn't lessen his grief or his hatred of Ana. At least for the moment; he wouldn't hate her forever. It wasn't in his nature.

The bushes rustled behind him though he didn't stop his prayer to look. If it was his time to go, then Allah would take him; he didn't need to see what was coming.

"Sayid." He finished his prayer before he opened his eyes.

"Hello, Danielle." He turned to look at her; she had her rifle cocked carelessly over her arm, and she looked _different_ since Sayid had seen her last. She looked almost normal, as if the insanity had taken leave of her for a while. "Why are you here?"

"How is he? The one who came back yesterday?" Sayid gave her a quick glance of surprise. "Did he live?"

"Yes, he did. How did you know about him?" He stood quickly and she tightened her grip on the rifle reflexively. He held his hands out to reassure her. "Easy."

She smiled tightly. "I saw Them bringing him through the jungle. He looked like he was hurt badly. What did They do to him?"

Sayid sighed. "I was hoping you could tell me."

Danielle looked away. "I came here for a reason, Sayid. I have heard whispers in the jungle. They say They are coming for Michael. Not today, but soon. Walt wants him." She looked back at Sayid, a little guilt in her eyes. "I am sorry I did what I did to them," she said sadly. "But I had no choice. They offered me something I could not refuse."

Sayid understood immediately. "Alex?"

Danielle didn't answer for a second; she looked like she was struggling with something. "Yes. They let me see her, talk to her." Her eyes were glistening, and she looked almost happy; Sayid supposed she would, and he understood why she turned Michael and Jin over to Them. He would have done the same thing if it was his daughter.

"It was Alex who met Locke and Eko in the jungle, wasn't it." It wasn't really a question. He knew Locke was lying; but he felt that discretion was the wisest choice at the moment. He could catch up to Locke when no one else was around; with everyone's nerves on edge a confrontation would not have been very productive.

"Yes. I sent her. I felt...guilty." She looked sad, and Sayid felt a wave of pity for her. "Michael will never find him, Sayid. He should stop looking before he is killed or...worse."

Sayid studied her; she was holding something back. "Do _you_ know where Walt is, Danielle? Where is he?" She knew; he could tell. His voice rose a little as he pressed her. "Where is he? Where on the island?"

Danielle stared at him for a moment; the insane light began to glow in her eyes again and she spoke in almost a whisper. "He is everywhere and nowhere. He _is_ the island."

"What does that mean, Danielle?" She didn't answer, and Sayid knew he wasn't going to get one. "Please, tell me!"

"I will try to warn you, Sayid, when they are coming. I will send Alex, like I did yesterday to Eko." She turned and started to leave; then she stopped and glanced back at Sayid. "Keep watching, Sayid. For any signs of the sickness."

"What signs would they be, Danielle?"

She paused. "You will know." She was gone in a moment.

Sayid stared after her, confused. He sighed and glanced longingly at Shannon's grave; he didn't want to leave, but Jack had to know about this. He reached down and gently kissed the cross that marked her tomb. "I'll be back," he whispered, and with one last look he went to find Jack.

-----

"Are you sure you wanna do this, Sawyer?" Kate was standing in front of him, holding a mirror face down against her chest. Sawyer was sitting up in the bunk bed while Jack changed the bandages on his back; he hissed a little as they unpeeled from the still-raw wounds.

"Just lemme see, Freckles. I've already seen the rest of me, how bad can it be?" Her expression said it was bad; Sawyer grimaced and reached out for the mirror. She held it and backed up. She didn't want him too see; he had stitches over one eye, his forehead, and from his hairline to the side of his cheek and most of his face was black and blue. The swollen eye had gone down, thank goodness, but it was still puffy and red. She wasn't sure why she was so reluctant to let him look; he could see the rest of his body and it was just as bad. "Doc, help me out here?"

The animosity between Sawyer and Jack was almost non-existant. They seemed..._friendly_ and Kate was thankful; lately there had been so much tension and hostility between them it was hard to be comfortable. But it was easy today; Sawyer couldn't help but be a smart-ass, but his barbs hadn't been too sharp, his sarcasm a little less acidic. And Jack, for his part, had actually _laughed_ at some of them. Kate was tense, at first, waiting for a fight, but as they joked back and forth she found herself relaxing; she was in a state of wonderment at the two of them, _Jack_ and _Sawyer_, the two most important men in her life together, at ease, sociable.

"Kate, let him look." Jack sighed, as he dabbed at the lashes on his back. Jack had never seen a real case of injury from whipping, but he was pretty sure this is what it would look like. Sawyer's skin was shredded in criscrossing stripes; Jack had done his best to clean and stitch them so they wouldn't scar, but he was afraid there would be some permenant damage. The other wounds were not as bad; there wouldn't be much scarring at all from those. He was actually enjoying Sawyer's company, and Kate's; there was an easy camraderie that had never been there before. Little stabs of jealousy still pricked him when Kate would kiss Sawyer, or look at him with that Secret Kate smile; they were fleeting though, and he couldn't be angry at them- they just _glowed_.

Kate sighed. "Okay, Tex, don't say I didn't warn you." She reluctantly handed him the mirror and covered her eyes with her hands; she didn't really want to see this. He took a deep breath, then lifted the mirror up.

"Awww, shit," he snapped, throwing it down on the bed. "I look like damn Frankenstein." She couldn't help giggling a little. Sawyer threw her a disgusted look and picking the mirror off of the bed he lifted it up, slowly, hesitantly, then looked at it again. "_Damn._" He looked so forlorn Kate went to him and cupping her hand under his chin kissed him softly. He responded, flicking his tongue gently against hers; she met him halfway. A soft groan escaped Sawyer's lips and she felt her body tingle.

"Hey, I'm working here," Jack said, laughing a little. "Do you mind?" Kate pulled away from him with an embarrassed little smile; Sawyer grinned at her, and took her hand.

"Well, yeah, Doc, I do mind." His fingers bagan to massage her hand lazily. "Me and Freckles have some unfinished business." She gazed at him, her hand on fire from his touch; she suddenly agreed wholeheartedly with Sawyer. She did mind.

"Well, not that this is a topic I _really_ want to discuss, but how in the world would you even consider it, Sawyer?" Jack asked, unfolding some gauze pads and covering Sawyer's back with them. "I mean, you've got cuts and bruises everywhere."

Sawyer grinned wickedly at Kate. "Not everywhere."

She rolled her eyes at him and pulled her hand away. "How would you know?"

"That was the first place I checked, sweetheart." His dimples were dazzling. She couldn't get her breath properly. She suddenly wished Jack would _leave_ for God's sake; but what would they do then? There was no door to the bunk room and people were in and out constantly.

As if to prove her thought Hurley walked in. He paled perceptibly as he saw Sawyer. "Dude." Sawyer glared at him a little and Hurley dropped his eyes. "Sorry, man, you just..." He swallowed, and Sawyer cocked his head questioningly. "Sorry."

Sawyer grinned at him. Nothing could dampen his mood today. Kate; she was all that mattered. They hadn't mentioned what passed between them yesterday; the actual words weren't necessary. They knew and that was enough. He still wondered what had happened to him; he didn't remember anything at all. He had strange nightmares but they weren't focused or coherent, just random images and sounds and blurs; for some reason they scared the hell out of him. They didn't stay with him long, and with Kate next to him, touching him, holding him, he didn't think much about them anyway. "Don't sweat it, Sta-puff. It ain't as bad as it looks."

Hurley looked a little relieved. "Yeah, well," he hesitated, "What you did was really great, man." Kate smiled a little at Sawyer, he looked genuinely shocked at the compliment. She flashed a grin at Hurley, too; he was absolutely right.

Sawyer still looked stunned. "Yeah. Thanks." He smiled uncertainly at Hurley, like he was just learning how. Kate covered her laugh with her hand.

The alarm sounded, and Hurley jumped a little. "That's my cue, dudes. Later!" He strolled out the computer to enter the code. Sawyer watched him go, still a little bewildered.

Jack finished up the bandaging and stood, stretching. "Ok, Sawyer, you're good until tomorrow. Kate, keep those stitches clean and it would probably be a good idea to get him up and walk around a little, carefully. I-"

Sayid came running in, breathless. "Jack, we need to talk."


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**  
"Jack, we need to talk."

Jack glanced at Kate and Sawyer; they were watching them with interest. "Okay, Sayid, talk."

"I was just at...at the beach. Rousseau came to me and told me that They are coming for Michael." Sawyer paled a little; Kate put her hand on his arm reassuringly. Something flashed in his mind, a memory; a man, he knew him, but he couldn't place him, then he was gone. He closed his eyes, trying to remember. "She asked me about Sawyer," at that his eyes flew open and he looked at Kate, fear clouding his vision. "She said she saw them bringing him through the jungle. She wanted to make sure he was found, so she sent someone to tell Eko." He paused. Kate felt Sawyer relax a little. "She said she sent Alex."

Glancing sharply at Sayid, Kate said, "Isn't that her daughter?" He nodded. "I thought the Others took her."

"They did. She gave them Michael, they gave her access to Alex." He looked at Jack. "Alex met Locke and Eko in the jungle and led them to Michael and Jin."

"Locke knew it was her." Jack shook his head. "Locke knew it and he lied to us."

"Perhaps," Sayid said. Locke had lied, but he didn't want Jack flipping on John right now. There were more important things at hand. "Jack, she said They were coming, not today, but soon. We need to figure out what we're going to do about Michael."

"We're not going to do anything other than what we already are. She's crazy, Sayid, she's unbalanced. We can't go on her word." He paused, looking down. "And anyway, what else can we do?"

"She's not crazy, Jack," he said quietly. "And I don't know what else to do. But perhaps bringing them down on the entire camp is not the best thing. Maybe we can find somewhere to hide him-"

Jack cut him off impatiently. "Hide him? They _know_ this island, Sayid, do you think there is a hiding place they don't know of?" He shook his head angrily. "I say we bring him down here, fortify the hatch, post armed guards."

Kate didn't like that; it had the ring of prison to it. "Is that to keep Them out or keep him in, Jack?."

He spun on her. "Do you have a better idea, Kate? Because if you do I would love to hear it." She didn't answer, looking down at the floor. "Well, then. I guess he comes to the hatch."

Sawyer tensed at Jack's tone; he grew angry at the hurt look on her face. "Lay off, Jack," he growled, "She's just tryin' to help." Kate flicked him a look of gratitude and his heart swelled; Jack threw him a glare and he scowled back.

Sayid shrugged. "Why don't you ask Michael his opinion before you make a decision? Meanwhile I will begin setting some traps and finding people for guard duty. Just in case." He looked questioningly at Jack, who nodded. Sayid turned to Sawyer. "I am glad to see you are doing well, Sawyer," he laid a hand gently on his shoulder and smiled for the first time since Shannon's death. "What you did was a very brave and selfless thing," he said softly, then glanced at Kate, who was watching them with a hint of a smile. "I know she is worth it."

Sawyer looked kind of embarrassed and proud at the same time. He gave Sayid another one of those uncertain smiles. "Yeah, she is." Sayid smiled at him once more, then nodded and left.

Jack was feeling a little abashed. He hadn't meant to snap at Kate like that. He sighed and looked at her apologetically. "Never a dull moment, huh?"

She didn't smile right away. She looked at Sawyer, who decided to take the situation in hand. He hadn't missed how much she had enjoyed him and Jack getting along; and to be honest, he didn't really feel like holding a grudge right now. So, he'd let this one go. "What fun would that be, Doc?" he said, smirking lightly.

Jack was relieved to see Kate smile. "Maybe not fun, Sawyer, but it would be a hell of a lot easier." He grinned. "Dullness has its perks." He gave them one last smile and left.

Sawyer watched him leave, then he turned to Kate. "I guess he'd know," he drawled lazily, making Kate giggle. He took her hand and began rubbing the inside of her wrist gently. "Alone at last, sweetheart." He increased the pressure, rubbing lazy circles with his thumb. She couldn't wait any longer, she was hungry for his mouth on hers; he teased her lips open with his tongue and she met it with hers. He put his hands up to her face, pulling her closer. She was afraid to touch him; he was so bruised and battered she was afriad she would hurt him. He noticed her hands staying at her sides and he whispered against her mouth. "Whassamatter, Frankenstein ain't your type?"

"I'm afraid I'll hurt you if I touch you," she whispered back. One of his hands slipped down to her back, sliding under her shirt, pulling her to him. He groaned softly against her lips, "Freckles, it'll hurt me more if you don't."

She pulled back, and hesitatingly touched one of the stitched-up gashes across his chest. He watched her, the look of sorrow on her face, and his control wavered; he reached up and pulled her mouth to his hungrily. Her fingers traveled slowly down his battered body, tracing the criss-crossing scars; every stitch, every bruise was for her. She felt each one with anguish and wonder; Sawyer's lips became more insistent and she slipped her fingers lower into the waistband of his boxers. He groaned and she slid them lower.

"Don't, Kate." His hand caught hers, withdrawing it. She looked at him questioning. "Not here, not like this. We can wait." She wasn't so sure, but she dropped her hands, smiling. "Your loss, Frankenstein."

He frowned. "Don't rub it in." He sighed shakily. "Well, you heard the doc's orders, nurse. Let's walk." He didn't _want_ to stop, and as much as he hated to admit Jack was right about something, in this case he was. He was entirely too sore for that kind of action, though looking at Kate beaming at him he was tempted to do it anyway. Kate helped him up, slowly and hesitantly; he wobbled and leaned on her heavily. She relished the weight on her shoulders; she wanted to carry him, support him. She had loved him before he gave himself up, but since then the feeling had gone so much deeper and she wanted to do whatever she could to show him how she felt. She looked up at him and he gazed down at her. "Okay, Frank, let's walk."

He froze. "Don't call me that." His voice was chilly and she felt him stiffen.

"Okay, sorry." He relaxed a little, but she sensed the change; he was still bothered. She shrugged it off; if he wanted to tell her he would. They walked slowly through the hatch; Sawyer hissed and grunted with every step. Kate wasn't entirely sure it was all from pain.

-----

Ana sat by herself on the beach, whittling a piece of bamboo slowly into splinters. She had screwed up again; just when she had been starting to feel like she maybe could belong here, she had to go and lose her temper and fuck it all up. She knew that it wasn't all her fault, but it made hating herself easier.

She wondered briefly about Sawyer; she heard he had been found. She kind of _wanted_ to go see him because since he had given himself up for Kate she had formed a new opinion of him- maybe there was someone under the asshle. Somehow she didn't think a visit from her would be appreciated though, especially since Kate was most likely there. She licked her lip where Kate's fist split it, and grimaced; she still hadn't quite forgiven Kate for pulling a gun on her, even if she did deserve it. A little.

Something wet dripped down the back of her neck and she slapped her hand over it, drawing back a long string of slobber. Vincent woofed at her, and happily licked her again, bounding around her in joyful circles. He pushed his doggy nose up under her hand demanding attention. "Hey, pup," she said, laughing in spite of herself; she scratched his ears and neck as he drooled happily in her lap. "At least _someone_ here still likes me."

"He's easy to please." Michael was walking up the beach towards her. "How you doin', Ana?" He sat next to her in the sand.

She eyed him warily. Why was he being friendly? They didn't have the most amiable history. "I'm okay. You?"

He shrugged, staring out at the water. "I miss him."

They sat quietly for a minute. Ana finally spoke. "I'm sorry, Michael, about everything. Especially about Walt." He didn't speak, and suddenly she wanted to unburden her heart to someone. "I lost my kid too."

Michael turned to her. "I'm sorry. What happened?"

Ana hesitated and looked away. "Someone took him from me."

Michael was quiet for a long time. He finally looked at her, feeling a strange kind of kinship. "What did you do?"

Ana turned and looked him in the eyes. Suddenly Michael didn't want to hear, but he was glued to the spot by the force behind her expression. Her voice was toneless; she sounded like she was talking about someone else. "I killed him." She turned back to the ocean. Michael stared at her for a long moment, then he too turned his gaze back to the constant sea.

-----

Locke was at the beach visiting Claire and Aaron. He really did love that little boy; he had never had a real family and he was almost beginning to feel like an Uncle John. It was a novel sensation. He couldn't say he _regretted_ not having a family of his own, it wasn't his destiny. But he could appreciate was he was missing and as he let himself get closer to Aaron and his mother he appreciated it more and more.

The island was quiet today; it wasn't whispering to him like usual. He was a little alarmed, afraid it might be a bad sign; something was coming. His unease grew when Jack came storming up to him looking agitated and angry. "Locke," he barked, "We need to talk."

Great, thought Locke. He handed Aaron to Claire, kissing him on the forehead, then turned to Jack. "What's up, Jack?"

Jack walked away from Claire's tent; he didn't want the whole beach overhearing. "Sayid just had a visit from Rousseau. Did you know it was her daughter who led you to Michael?" He had turned it over and over in his mind. Why would Locke lie about it? He couldn't figure it out.

Locke hesitated. "Yes, I knew."

"Why did you lie, Locke?" Jack was fuming.

"Discretion, Jack." Locke paused, then leaned in, his voice low. "If I had told you, when we came back, that I knew the girl was Alex, you would have dragged us all off through the jungle looking for Rousseau. I understand that you have so many questions, Jack, that you desperately want answered, because you have taken on the role of leader and to be a good leader you have to know where you're going, know what's going on. That responsibility drives you; you're just _made that way_." Jack flinched and glanced suspiciously at Locke. "But you would have hounded her to get answers that she may or may not have; and what right do you have to do that?" He shifted closer, "If you are meant to know the answers, Jack- if it is your destiny, then you'll get them."

Jack was tense with fury. John's choice of words had struck a nerve. "Destiny, John?" He sneered at Locke, looking a little crazy. "I make my own destiny. I get my own answers." He paused and looked away angrily, then he turned back to Locke. "They are coming for Michael, Locke. Don't you think he is worth trying to get a few answers? Or is that not part of his destiny either?"

Locke smiled, rubbing his palm flat along the back of his head. "Michael's fate is for Michael to find, just as you have to find yours, Jack." He looked Jack in the eye. "Take some of that energy, Jack, that magic drive that you have, and use it to find _your_ way instead of everyone else's." He paused, smiling at Jack. "You can't save everyone."

Jack glowered at Locke. "I can try. I'm just _made that way._" He spit the words back at him. "That's _my_ destiny."

Locke's eyes crinkled up as he smiled at Jack. "And when you can't, Jack? You just make yourself miserable. You just make yourself suffer." He looked up at the sky, blazing bright blue. "It's got to be almost the end of October, right?" He looked to Jack for confirmation but Jack just stared at him, his jaw working in fury. "I wonder how the Red Sox did this year?"

Jack's heart froze. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Locke smiled triumphantly to himself. "Some people are just supposed to suffer, Jack. You're just _made that way_. But it could be different. Who knows, maybe this year they won- and then where would all of those suffering people be?" He leaned in close to Jack and spoke in a low voice. "You can fix yourself, Jack, you don't have to be like him. All you have to do is ask." He spread his arms wide, encompassing the island. Jack was staring at him, stunned and shocked. He looked close to tears. "All you have to do is have a little faith...and ask."

Locke flashed one more smile at Jack, then turned and walked down the beach leaving him standing alone.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

He wandered the beach in a daze. How had Locke _known_ that? Maybe Sawyer told him, he thought, but he pushed that aside; Sawyer and Locke had never been real buddy-buddy and that wasn't the kind of thing that just came up in idle conversation. Besides, he couldn't really picture Sawyer telling anyone else about their talk in the jungle that day; he _could_ keep secrets, he just didn't always choose to. So how did Locke know?

I'm not like him, he thought viciously. He was cold and uncaring; he thought he was God. He didn't suffer, he just thought he did. But maybe he did, Jack, a little voice said from the back of his mind. Maybe he just didn't know how to ask for help. Jack stomach rolled and he glared down at the ground. His feet were carrying him, he didn't know where; he'd been looking for Michael when he ran into Locke, but now he was just wandering aimlessly.

The ugly truth was staring him in the eye; he didn't _want_ to be like his father, but he was in many ways. There was the obvious, of course, he was a doctor; if he'd really wanted to be everything his father wasn't, why would he become a doctor? To help people? There were plenty of other professions where he could have done that, or even another branch of medicine, why surgery? And he was committed, his father had been as well, you don't become Chief of Surgery without a great deal of commmitment and drive to succeed. The only real difference, in fact, between the two of them was _caring_; Christian didn't and Jack did too much. But what if Christian had started out giving a sht about what happened to his patients; what if the years of losing them- of not _fixing_ them had just taken its toll? What if he wanted to fix himself, but he didn't know how to do it and the frustration and guilt drove him to drinking? I could have helped him, Jack thought despondently. I could have reached out and helped him, but instead I just hated him. Tears dripped into the sand.

As yellow bullet streaked past his legs, nearly bowling him over. He looked up and saw Michael and Ana-Lucia talking a little way down the beach; Vincent came up behind him, barking and jumping, trying to lure Jack into a game. Wiping his eyes on his shirt, he pushed aside his thoughts and started towards the two of them. "Hey," he called out, and they both turned to look at him. "What's going on?"

Michael glanced at Ana and shrugged. "Nothin' man, just talking about the old days." He smiled at Jack. "What are you doin' out of the hatch? Locke makin' you crazy?"

Jack flinched and laughed bitterly. "Yeah, you could say that." He looked out at the ocean, squinting. "Your friend Rousseau visited Sayid today. She said They are coming for you." He looked back over at Michael, who looked resigned and a little scared. He hadn't seen Sawyer, but he had heard about what happened to him, and he suddenly thanked God that Jack hadn't let him go when They wanted to take him. "We want to take you to the hatch, set up armed guards, keep you down there until...well, until it's safe for you to come out."

Michael looked at him like he was crazy. "That sounds a lot like jail to me Jack." He shook his head. "No, I don't think I want to do that, man."

Sighing in frustration, Jack snapped, "Well, what is your suggestion, Michael? Because I am fresh out of ideas."

Ana spoke up. "I have an idea." They both turned to look at her. She sighed and turned her head away. "After we were attacked the second time we decided to move. So we went further into the jungle and made another camp. When we thought the Others had found us, we moved again." She looked at Jack. "We take a group into the jungle and we stay on the move. Maybe we find a hidey hole, maybe we find a way to end this... maybe we find Walt." She directed the last at Michael, who nodded.

"Yeah, man," he said, nodding enthusiastically. "I like that idea a lot better. At least if They try to take me I got a chance. In the hatch I'm just a sitting duck." Plus the hatch creeped him out; though he could always try to use the computer to contact Walt again...he dismissed that; there would always be someone down there with him, he'd never have a chance. At least this way he would be doing something, not just sitting on his hands waiting for Them.

"I don't know, Michael," Jack was uncertain; taking a group into the jungle was just inviting trouble but if trouble was coming to them anyway...Michael was glaring at him. He sighed, nodding. "Alright, Michael. We can try it." He looked over at Ana with a little disappointment; he had kind of expected her to follow his lead. "We don't have to go right away. Rousseau said she'd give us a warning."

Michael cocked his head at Jack. "Why do you believe her, man? After what she did to us? She's crazy."

Jack sighed. "She had her reasons, Michael. Believe me. But we don't have to wait. If you want to go, we'll go. We need at least two days to prepare for something like this, get supplies together, figure out who's going. Why don't you meet me at the hatch before dark, we'll start planning, okay?"

The glare in Michael's eyes died out a little and he smiled warily at Jack. "Okay, man. Sounds good. Want me to spread the word, get everyone together?" Jack shrugged and nodded. "Okay then. Ana, I'll see you later." He flashed her a smile and took off down the beach, calling Vincent.

Jack turned back to Ana. "Good call," he said sarcastically. "I suppose you want to go too?"

She smiled at him uncertainly; they had hardly spoken since the Kate incident, and she could tell that she had disappointed him just now too. "Is that an invitation?"

Jack laughed, rolling his eyes up to the sky. "Yeah, I suppose it is." He glanced back over at her, a question in his eyes. "What happened out there with Kate, Ana?" He asked her softly.

Feeling guilty, Ana looked away. "It just got out of hand, Jack. I was just trying to mess with her, you know, because...because I worked that case. I saw what she did." She glanced up at him from the corner of her eye. "Do you know what she did originally?" he shook his head, staring at her, afraid she was going to tell him. She saw the look on his face and smiled grimly. "Don't worry, Jack. I'm not gonna tell you." She hesitated. "I'm sorry I said _any_ of those things. But when she hit me, I just...well, I'm just sorry, okay?" She looked at him, her eyes pleading.

He stared at her for a minute, then smiled a little, ducking his head. "Yeah. Okay." She smiled in relief. He was quiet for a few seconds, gazing at his feet. Her stare was making the side of his face hot; he turned back to look at her to find her gazing at him, smiling a sly little half-smile. He smiled back, suddenly wishing he had the nerve to kiss her; she read his smile and leaned in, brushing her lips against his.

He stood shocked for a breathless second, then he wrapped his arm around her and kissed her back. She gave in for a second, letting his tongue play against hers, then she pulled back, still smiling, but looking away a little abashedly. Grinning, he let her go and glanced down at the ground. I feel like a guilty teenager, he thought. The silence stretched on for a tense minute...two minutes... Ana finally spoke. "So."

"Yeah. So." Their eyes met and held, briefly, then they both chuckled and turned away, breaking the tension. "I guess I'll see you at the hatch." He smiled at her one more time, then turned away, going back up the beach.

"I'll be there!" She called after him, grinning happily. She looked at the ocean for a second; something had flitted by too fast for her to see. Shrugging, she turned her attention back to Jack and she gasped. Something black was hovering behind him, in between the two of them and as she watched it took form, turning itself into the distorted gargoyle she had seen before. Only bigger. She watched in horror as it snapped at Jack, but she couldn't scream, she was frozen, her mouth open in terror.

The gargoyle turned to face her. It was grinning maliciously, smoky drool running from it's jowls, its eyes just holes in the smoke; they were a scary, ghostly white against the darkness of the cloud. As she stared back at it, it began to change, to shape-shift; it elongated and thinned, and then two legs appeared, then a torso, then two arms, then the head took shape. The edges sharpened and Ana stifled a scream. _He_ smiled at her from the cloud, grinning evilly; she closed her eyes against it, hoping it was just a vision. She kept them closed for a long time; when she finally opened them again she was alone on the beach, only the waves to keep her company.

-----

The paper was brittle and it crackled dangerously as Sawyer tried to open it. He grimaced, and pulled gently at the edges, but it stared to tear and he gave up, furious. But it wasn't necessary to _read_ it, really, he knew every word by heart; they were etched there. He hadn't thought about the letter in over a week- it had been in his pocket when the raft blew up and he'd taken it out and tried to dry it, but it was too late. The damage was done. But it was still _there_ and in the back of his mind he knew it was there, it's presence a comfort. He hadn't needed that comfort; he'd had Kate, and the letter had barely even crossed his mind; Frank Sawyer, his parents, his past- none of it had mattered when Kate was there. Then she'd said _that name_; it was just a coincidence, he knew, she couldn't know what connotations that name held for him, but it had struck him like a bullet in the heart to hear _her_ call him that.

He glanced in the direction of the shower; he could hear it running and he allowed his mind to dwell for just a second on Kate, naked and soapy under the running water, but he still was in no condition and he pushed the thought aside before he became uncomfortable. He ran his fingers over the water-stained paper, feeling the self-hatred and guilt soaking from the paper onto him. He was used to being hated, it was like a comfortable coat; he _liked_ being hated- it made the world easier to hold at arms length. It made working his cons easier, too. But deep, deep down, he liked being liked too. Sayid and Hurley's comments to him had freaked him out a little because he felt-_good_- when they said them, and he wasn't sure how to respond to that. He hadn't gotten a lot of practice at it.

He heard someone coming and he stuck the letter quickly into its envelope and slid it gently into the pocket of the jeans he had lying across his legs. It was so fragile he was afraid it would turn to dust if he wasn't careful. He glanced up at the door, and Eko came in smiling. Sawyer grinned; Eko was quickly becoming his third favorite person on the island, behind Kate and himself. "Well, if it ain't my savior! How many times is that now, Ed?"

Eko grinned back; it was good to see him doing well. He could sense that the Cowboy was a good man; beneath that rough exterior was a diamond that just needed some shaping and polishing. He was on the right path already, but there was much more in store for him; Eko grinned. Kate was not the only person the Cowboy would be called upon to rescue- but the question was which path would he choose when the time came? "Too many to count, my friend." He motioned to the edge of the bed, "May I?"

Sawyer hesitated; he wasn't sure he liked the guy _that_ much yet. Celibacy? he thought. What a weirdo. But he nodded, and Eko sat on the far corner, leaning against the wall. "So, what brings you down here, Padre?"

"Jack asked everyone to come here for a meeting of some kind. I came a little early to see how you are doing." He ran his eyes over Sawyer, taking in the absence of his bullet wound. "What happened to your shoulder?"

Sawyer glanced down at the spot where the wound used to be. "I don't know," he said. "It's just gone. Been tryin' to figure it out, but I can't remember anything." He hesitated, looking up at Eko, whose understanding eyes urged him to continue. There was something about Eko that made him feel like he could be trusted and that was rare for him. "I have...these..." he didn't know how to say it, "...visions," he said, confidentially, glancing at the shower room to make sure Kate wasn't coming, "but they're like flashes, just flickers and I can't really see 'em, you know? I feel like I should, but I just can't grab 'em." He looked away, embarrassed. Eko smiled, and touched his shoulder gently. He felt a shock- he was getting used to them too, but it was followed by an image- the man he'd seen earlier, just flickering, but this time he stayed, and he saw the man step out of the darkness into the light and he _knew_ him, he knew the face, he could see it...in the cloud. He had seem him in the cloud. Then he was gone. He screwed up his face in concentration, trying to remember...but it was gone. _Dammit._

Eko was watching him closely, his smile gone. "Did you see something?"

The shower shut off and Sawyer glanced in its direction, shrugging at Eko. "Nah. Just a twinge." He looked back at Eko. "What's Jack callin' a meeting for? We electin' him President?"

Eko smiled. "No. He wants to discuss a plan for dealing with Michael. They should all be here soon." He stood, and Sawyer sighed, rolling his head in the direction of the shower. "Hey...uh...Kate told me you...helped her after..." he stopped, a little flustered; he wasn't used to saying things like this. "Thanks, you know...for everything." He looked down, embarrassed, and Eko patted his shoulder gently. "You're welcome, James. Perhaps one day you can return the favor."

Sawyer glanced up at him, questioning him, but Eko just smiled and walked out toward the computers. He passed Kate, who was wrapped in a towel, squeezing her hair out as she came into the bunk room. She looked a little surprised to see Eko, and Sawyer grinned as she wrapped the towel around her tighter as she passed him. Shaking his head he wondered, With women like that in the world, how can a man give 'em up? Ed's got some willpower.

Kate came to him, smelling fresh and dewy from the shower. Water beaded on her neck and Sawyer pulled her close, kissing the droplets away. She leaned against him, kissing the top of his head, her hands in his hair; he moved his lips lower, his hand teasing the edge of the towel down; his other hand slipped beneath the bottom edge of it. Kate moaned softly and pushed against him harder, moving her hips against his exploring fingers and her body against his wandering lips. He stopped abruptly and let her go, scowling. "Get dressed, Freckles. The gang's all here." He nodded in the direction of the computers where Jack and Micahel had just come in.

Kate put her hands to her eyes, muttering, "Oh, shit." She glared at Sawyer, who laughed as she hastily pulled her clothes on, praying that they hadn't seen anything. "You think that's funny?"

He laid back against the pillows and smirked at her. "Freckles, I never really had you pegged as the modest type." Cocking his eyebrows at her, he ran his eyes up and down her still-damp body appreciatively. "Course, _now_ I'm glad you are. I don't want anybody else gettin' a peek."

She rolled her eyes at him. "Keep it up and _you_ won't get a peek." She nodded toward Jack and Michael, who had noticed her and Sawyer and were headed in their direction.

Sawyer rolled his eyes and sat up in the bed, hissing a little as he moved. His back still burned like fire. Jack came up to him, looking concerned. "How you doing, man?" he asked, and Sawyer nodded, his teeth clenched. "You want a pain pill?"

Sawyer shook his head. The pain was passing leaving a dull throbbing ache behind, but at least it was bearable. He let out his breath and glanced at Jack.  
"What's up, Doc?" He couldn't resist.

Jack rolled his eyes at Sawyer, chuckling. "Gee, Sawyer, I never heard that one before." He looked at Kate; she was laughing with them and she looked so happy he made a promise to himself to try to be friends with Sawyer no matter how hard he made it. He glanced at Sawyer; he was gazing at her too and Jack thought to himself, maybe it won't be so hard after all.

Michael stepped up and nodded at Sawyer. "Hey, man, I'm glad you're okay." He was shocked but he tried to hide it; what the _hell_ had They done to him? He felt sudden terror for Walt, and he resisted the urge to run screaming for him into the jungle.

Sawyer eyed Michael carefully. "I'm glad you're okay, too." he said. Michael nodded and looked away.

Kate watched them, smiling. She couldn't believe the change in Sawyer; he was like a different person. He was still an ass, but he had _softened_, just a tiny bit. That hard, wild edge had lessened; not a lot, but enough to be noticeable. She supposed part of it was her..._them_, but she didn't flatter herself that it was all that; something else had changed him, like he _wanted_ to be a part of things, not just the outsider. He wanted to belong, just a little; but she suspected that part of him wanted to stay Outlaw with her, too. Sawyer glanced at her, catching her watching him; he flashed her a grin that made her knees watery. She smiled back, then shifted her attention to Jack. "What's going on, Jack?"

"We've come up with a plan, for Michael," Jack nodded at him, "and we just want to run it by everybody, see who wants to be part of it." He looked back at the hatch, where Sayid and Locke had just come in. He glanced at Kate, who had her hand protectively on Sawyer's shoulder, looking a little worried. "You coming?" Sawyer looked up at Kate curiously.

She nodded, taking her hand off of Saywer's shoulder. "Yeah," she said, looking down at Sawyer. She looked worried and _scared_ as she continued, "_We'll_ be right there."

She felt Sawyer's hand slide gently under her shirt and grip the small of her back. She smiled at him, and leaned into his hand. Nodding, Jack turned away and headed into the computer room, Michael following behind him. The hand on her back slid lower and squeezed again; she laughed and batted his hand away. "Come on," she said, "I don't think you want to go in your skivvies. I'll help you."

She helped him stand, painfully, and he wobbled just a little. She steadied him, her hands drifting over his body, teasing him with her fingertips. He reached over her and grabbed his jeans, handing them to her, a little roughly. "You better put those on me, sweetcheeks," he whispered, hoarsely, "Or you ain't gonna be able to zip 'em up." She burst out laughing and dropped her exploring hands, grabbing the jeans.

"I think you flatter yourself, Tex," she grinned as she bent down, holding the waist of his pants open. He smirked at the back of her head and put his hands on her shoulders for balance; he groaned a little in pain as he lifted one of his battered legs to put it into the leg of his jeans.

Kate could feel his fingers clench in pain as he lifted the other leg, setting it gingerly back inside the pants; her heart lurched, and she wanted to kiss him, badly. He straightened, and she pulled the jeans up leaving them unbuttoned in her haste to get her mouth on his. He was a little taken aback at the intensity of her kiss, but his arms came up automatically around her and his tongue met hers with the same force. The intensity waned a little, it became slower and sweeter. Kate finally pulled away, gasping a little and she leaned into him, panting. He held her, enjoying the feel of her against him, the closeness of her; he breathed her in, her damp hair sweet against his face. Her fingers fumbled with his waistband, he heard a zip and she pulled back, smirking. "Told you you flattered yourself."

He cocked his head at her. "Mmmmm...well, I don't recall hearin' any complaints the other night." He patted the bunkbed and looked up at the ceiling wistfully. "If this mattress could talk..."

She rolled her eyes. "Thank God it can't." She took his hand, leading him out to the computers. "Come on, let's get out there."

He pulled her back and hugged her, holding her tight for a second. Smiling, he let her go, and she grinned up at him. He took her hand again. "Okay."


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

It was a tense group gathered in the computer room, waiting for Kate and Sawyer. There were seven of them crammed into one room and hostility was thick in the air. Sayid glared at Ana from across the room; Locke and Eko stood a good deal away from each other, that invisible force still omnipresent, keeping them apart. Hurley lurked in the background; he already knew he wasn't going to like what was coming. Jack stood close to Ana, lending her his presence; he knew she was uncomfortable with Sayid's malicious glare, but he couldn't really blame Sayid.

Kate and Sawyer came in, Sawyer leaning heavily on Kate's shoulder; a few of them gasped at his battered body, especially when he turned and they could see his back; blood was already seeping through bandages. Jack pushed the rollaway chair out for Sawyer, holding it until Kate could help him into it; he grunted a little as he sat, then looked up to find everyone staring at him. "What the hell is everyone lookin' at?" he growled, and they all looked away- except Ana.

She was horrified. Kate was glaring at her and Sawyer finally noticed her staring. "What the hell you starin' at, Butch?" he snarled. She looked away, waves of guilt washing over her. She started to leave; she didn't want to be here, they didn't _want_ her here. Jack caught her arm and shook his head.

"Stay, Ana." He looked into her eyes and nodded. "Okay." He let her go and looked up; Kate and Sawyer were both glaring at him. He ignored them and addressed the room. "Okay. We have a problem. They are coming for Michael. You all see what happened the last time They took one of us," he gestured at Sawyer, who looked a little flustered at everyone's eyes going to him again. Kate smiled at his discomfort and put her hand on his shoulder encouragingly; smiling, he reached up and took her hand. "So, needless to say, we can't let Them have Michael. So here is what we propose; we take a group of people into the jungle and keep on the move, look for a hiding place, something. The important thing is to keep him out of Their hands until we can figure something out. It won't be easy, it will most likely be very dangerous. But the more people that come, the better our chances." He glanced around the room, trying to gauge everyone's reactions; most of the faces he saw were encouraging, but he saw some dissention. "We'll be armed, of course, but everyone here is pretty handy with a gun," he smiled as Hurley raised his hand meekly. "Except you, Hurley. I wanted you here because I'm leaving you in charge of the button." Hurley looked immensely relieved, and nodded, putting his hand back down. "So if you want to come along, we need to plan what exactly it is we're going to do."

Everyone was quiet for a minute. Sawyer stared at Jack hard; he spoke first. "Hell, I'm with ya, Doc." He felt Kate's fingers tighten but he didn't look at her. "I owe 'em double now." Jack looked like he was going to argue; instead he just smiled.

Locke was leaning against the wall, taking in what Jack said. Funny how he had mentioned dragging them all over the jungle earlier, and now that was exactly what Jack was planning on doing. Apparently his talk with Jack had struck a deep, deep nerve. He smiled. "I'm with you, Jack. Maybe we can find some _answers_ out there." He rubbed the back of his head, smiling at Jack's frigid glare.

Ana noted their exchange with interest. She spoke up, ignoring Kate's eyes burning a hole in her. "I'm in."

Sayid shook his head. "I don't like this plan, Jack. Why go into the lion's den again? It has never turned out well. I don't think I will go." Jack looked like he was sorry, but he nodded.

Kate shrugged, her hand still in Sawyer's. If he was going to go, she was too. Well, truthfully, she would have gone no matter what. "I'm going."

Jack nodded, and turned to Eko, who had not moved. "What about you?"

Eko studied him for a long moment, then nodded. "Yes, I will go." he glanced at Kate and Sawyer, who both smiled. He was going for them; they would need him.

Jack nodded, "Okay then. Next thing- where do we go?" He pushed his dislike of Locke aside. "Locke, you've explored more of this island than any of us, what do you think?"

Locke considered. It surprised him a little that Jack was asking him. "Well, as far as we know the Others are to the northeast of us. I haven't explored much to the southwest, but it's farthest away from Them."

Jack looked around, questioningly. Nobody said anything. "Okay." This was turning out easier than he thought. "We leave day after tomorrow; I'll ask Jin to dry some extra fish, and I'll collect any spare water bottles. Make sure you have extra clothes, especially socks. Sawyer," he turned to him, "Do you have any extra blankets in your stash?"

For a second Sawyer considered telling him to stick it, but he just grinned and nodded, "Yeah, I got three."

Kate laughed. "Two," she said, "I took one." He threw her a look of disgust, and she squeezed his fingers.

Nodding, Jack said, "Okay. I guess it's settled then." he glanced at Micahel, who had been quiet through the whole meeting. "You sure this is what you want, Michael?" he asked softly.

Michael looked around at all of them; he suddenly felt very much a _part_ of them. He smiled, nodding. "Yeah," he said. "I think this is best."

Jack stared at him for a beat, then shrugged. "Okay then. That's that. See you all later." Everyone began trickling out, except Hurley, who was on button duty.

Kate stared at Sawyer in the rollaway chair for a second, then a wicked smile spread across her face. She laid her hand on Sawyer's shoulder and whispered, "Stay here." She went over to Hurley and whispered something to him, and he turned to look at Sawyer and nodded sagely. Kate turned and winked at Sawyer, as Hurley stood up, stretching.

"Yeah, so I left something at the beach," he said, and he gave Sawyer a thumbs up and grinned, "I guess I'll be back later...much later." He smiled at Sawyer again before leaving the hatch.

Kate followed him, and she returned breathless a few seconds later. Sawyer was watching her warily; excitement was twitching at his stomach. She hit all of the lights in the hatch, leaving just the green glow of the computers; he was staring at her, his heart in his throat. "What are you doin', Freckles?" His voice was low, and tense; she could hear the electricity in it; his voice was shooting sparks. She held out her hand, and he took it; she drew him up, standing against her, she laid her head against his chest gently, feeling his arms go around her. She looked up to him and he kissed her, softly first, then with more fervor, his hands slipping lower, cupping her up against him; she could feel his need coming off of him in waves. He couldn't get her close enough; he wanted to pull her into him, swallow her up, possess her. She undid his jeans with shaking fingers, and pushed them down, taking his boxers with them. Tingling, shivering, he groaned as her hands slid slowly up, her lips following behind them. She stood and pointed to the chair. "Sit." He lowered himself gently back into the chair; smart girl, he thought. I must be slippin', why didn't I think of this? Kate removed her clothes swiftly, and she planted a knee on either side of his hips, leaning forward and kissing him again. His hands went up to her, caressing her as she lowered herself onto him slowly, moaning a little as she did. Neither one of them moved for a minute; the feeling was too delicious, the moment to good to change. Finally Kate shuddered a little and began moving, slowly, deliberately; she tried to speed up but Sawyer's hands gripped her waist, holding her to a steady, maddeningly slow pace. Breathing raggedly, Kate strained against his hands; he panted against her lips, struggling with her and himself. It became a contest; Kate versus Sawyer and the tension mounted until Kate thought she would die if he didn't let her _go_. She gripped the back of the chair behind his head, using it as leverage in her battle; she strained against his grip, gasping. Just when she couldn't take another second, he released his hold on her hips, wrapping his hands in her hair and pulling her mouth to his; she increased her pace frantically and cried out, slumping against him as he groaned and shuddered beneath her.

Kate could feel his heart beating wildly beneath her as he gasped for breath; gradually his breathing slowed. She kissed his chest, tracing her lips along one of his stitched up scars; he breathed in sharply and she glanced up at him. The intensity of his gaze thrilled her; she felt herself stirring again and she raised up, holding his eyes as she kissed him hard and with wild abandon. "Freckles," he groaned against her, "Freckles, the mind is willing..." he groaned again, this time in obvious pain, and she jumped off of him quickly, looking concerned and guilty. And a little disappointed, he noted. Meeting her eyes, the pain in his body was forgotten; she was flushed and glowing, her eyes radiating desire. He pulled her to him, hugging her tight, his face pressed against her stomach; she rested her hands on his head, her body slowly relaxing as she stroked his hair.

The alarm went off and Sawyer raised his head, annoyed. "Damn, I hate that thing."

Kate sighed and pulled herself from his grip. She entered the numbers quickly, the came back to Sawyer, offering him her hand. He looked at her for a second, then took it, allowing her to pull him up. He watched her gather their clothes and she took his hand, leading him back to the bunk room, where she switched on the light. She helped him into his boxers and then into the bunk; she climbed in next to him and curled up on his chest. "I can't go to sleep," she warned. "I had to take Hurley's shift. A small price to pay," she assured him, smiling. "But I bought us the next three hours. So..." She glanced playfully up at him, a question in her eyes.

Sawyer grinned back down at her, his heart swelling. If I died right now, he thought, I'd die _happy_; but for the first time I can remember, I don't _want_ to die. He wanted to tell her, tell her he loved her, but what justice would those three little words do? They couldn't begin to encompass what he was feeling; it was so much deeper and wider than just _love_. So he said nothing, holding her tightly to him as the counter ticked down their time.

-----

Everyone was gathered at the beach to see the group off. Hurley was in charge of the button, Libby would fill in as doctor, and Sayid was there to help if anything went wrong. Jack studied them all; he was nervous about leaving the camp so undefended, but he knew They wouldn't bother with the camp as long as Micahel was with them. At least, he hoped so.

Locke said goodbye to Claire and kissed baby Aaron on the head; Jack talked to Sayid, imparting last minute instructions though he knew Sayid didn't really need them; Jin and Sun said a tearful goodbye to Michael. Jin wasn't going this time; Michael understood, he had a wife and responsibilities here. He hugged Jin, and shook his hand. Eko spoke a few words to Charlie, who had been depressed since Claire booted him. He brightened a little at Eko's words, and said goodbye to Kate as she passed. He stopped Sawyer and said goodbye to him too, though Sawyer was spared the horrified glances; his shirt covered up the worst of his bruises, and the ones on his face were fading and not quite so hideous-looking. Kate smiled and shook her head as Sawyer even said goodbye to the baby; he stuck his finger out and Kate almost laughed at the look of awe on his face when Aaron grabbed it and held on, waving his little fists.

The sun was up; it was time to go. They faced to the north; there was a point they had to round before they could head southwest. Waving one last time the group headed into the jungle, leaving a quiet camp behind.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**  
The group headed north around a small cove, turning to the south as they rounded the far side. They stuck to the beach, moving at a leisurely pace; the morning sun was already hot and the air was sticky even in the ocean breeze. Everyone was quiet; the camp was only a couple of miles behind them but already it was a world away.

Kate and Sawyer walked together, not touching. He was still sore and every step hurt, but he and Kate had spent the day before walking around, slowly, gently working and stretching his cramped muscles. The other workout didn't hurt either, he thought, grinning over at her. She caught his eye and grinned back, taking his hand and squeezing his fingers. She was worried; his back was still troubling her, though it had scabbed over and didn't have that raw, hamburger look anymore. It bothered him, though, she could tell; he grunted a little every time he turned or bent. She sighed, wishing there was something she could do.

Locke stopped; he was in the lead, followed closely by Jack. "Why are you stopping?" Jack asked.

Locke pointed to the beach, which had come to a point in front of them. "This is as far south as it goes," he said, gesturing at the spit of land. "I've never explored this way. I didn't know it only went this far." He glanced at Jack, who was looking pissed. "We can turn and go northwest. The important thing is to keep moving, right?"

Jack glared at Locke but he kept his cool. "Sure, John. We'll do that." Turning around, he glanced back at him and sneered. "Guess it's our _destiny_ to go this way, eh, Locke?"

Locke gave him a patient smile. "I guess it is, Jack," he said softly, walking back up the beach. Ana watched them for a minute, then she caught up to Jack, who was stalking angrily after Locke.

"Hey, what was that about, Jack?" she asked, putting a worried hand on his arm. He glanced down at her and smiled, slowing just a little. "You okay?"

Jack cast a dark look at the back of Locke's head, then shrugged at Ana. "Yeah. I'm fine." He nodded at Locke. "He just gets under my skin sometimes."

She nodded. "I can tell." Looking ahead, she cocked her head at him quizzically. "We're heading back north?"

Jack shook his head. "Northwest, actually. I figure we stick to the beach, or at least the tree line when the beach gets too hot, follow the coast. I think we should stay out of the jungle as much as possible." She inclined her head, silently agreeing. Looking down at her, Jack smiled. "I'm glad you came."

Ana glanced up, grinning. "Me too." She cocked her head towards the jungle. "So far."

Jack laughed, forgetting about his hostility. Ana was smiling at him, her hand on his arm, and he suddenly felt the same urge he had in the airport bar; the urge to get her into the airplane bathroom and take her up against the wall. He glanced around, almost hoping to see a bathroom manifest itself. Shivering a little, he met her eyes; he could see her thinking the same thing. She dropped her hand from his arm and they kept walking, not looking at each other.

The beach was getting uncomfortably hot as the sun rose higher; Jack decided it was time to move into the tree line to get them a little shade. Once in the shadows he called for them to stop; everyone dropped and took out water bottles, drinking thirstily. They rested for about twenty minutes then Jack got them up again.

Sawyer groaned a little as Kate helped him up; his back was aching and his muscles screaming. He wondered briefly why he was doing this, putting himself through this and he was surprised at the answer he gave himself. Part of it was guilt, although that had lessened somewhat; part of it was revenge; but part of it was...he wanted to _belong_. To be a part of things. It was such an alien feeling for him he didn't recognize it at first; he'd always been on the outside and he'd become accustomed to it, even gloried in it. Kate changed that, though, because now he had a stake in what went down on this island, he had a _reason_ to care about what happened to them...to him. He wasn't sure how to go about it, being a _part_ of it; this was uncharted territory for him.

Wobbling a little as he stood, Sawyer reached out and leaned against a vine covered rock for balance. It shifted, and his hand slid along it, ripping the vines off. "Sht," he grunted as his back wrenched painfully, and he glared at the rock, ready to curse it but stopped, taking a closer look. "What the hell?"

Kate looked over at him, concerned at his grunt. "You okay?" she asked, then noticed him staring at the rock. "What is that?" She leaned in to get a closer view.

It was a large stone marker; there was a plaque of some sort set into it and two large arrows were carved below the plaque; one pointing up the beach, the other pointing into the jungle. Kate and Sawyer looked at each other, then Kate began clearing away the vines that were draped over it while Sawyer tried to rub away the dirt and moss that covered the plaque.

Jack noticed them and came over, curious. "What's that?" he asked, not really expecting an answer. Sawyer stopped trying to clean it; the lettering on the plaque was worn and faded but he could just make it out. Kate stopped too, and Jack read over their shoulder:

Alvar Hanso Foundation

Dharma Project

"Since the dawn of our species we have been blessed with curiosity."  
-Alvar Hanso, 1967

Above the first arrow, which was directed at the beach there was a thin bronze strip with the words "Drains" in raised lettering. The bronze strip was missing from the arrow that pointed into the jungle, leaving a indentation where it had been.

They all looked at each other in shock. Locke came up, seeing them huddled together, and as he read the plaque his eyes widened. "Interesting." He glanced at Jack. "Drains?"

Jack shrugged. "Why should that surprise us?" he asked, meeting Locke's eyes. He felt a shock as he did; Locke laughed.

"Fair enough." He glanced back at the marker, then looked off towards the beach. "Wonder what the jungle has in store. Too bad that one is missing." he pointed to the bottom arrow.

Jack looked up the beach. "I say we try the drains. At least we have an idea about that." He glanced at Kate, who shrugged. "Okay, then. Drains." He shouldered his pack and started up the beach.

Locke watched him go, then turned to Sawyer. "I didn't really get to say anything before," he said, smiling, "But I am glad you're okay." He paused and leaned in so Kate couldn't hear. "I _knew_ you would be. That was not your fate." He leaned back and winked at Sawyer, who was staring at him with fear and a little revulsion; he smiled at Kate and turned away, following Jack and the others.

Kate glanced up at Sawyer; he was watching John go with a look of distaste. "You okay?" she asked. "What's the matter?"

Sawyer shook his head, "Nothin'. I just don't like him. He creeps me out." He picked up his pack, grunting a little as he bent. Rising, he noticed Kate's eyes on him. He glanced up the beach; the others were already a good distance away. He dropped his pack and advanced on her, her eyes widening as he grabbed her around the waist, burying his head in her neck. "Sawyer!" she gasped, struggling half-heartedly against him; he didn't let go, nibbling and kissing her neck instead. "Sawyer, stop," she was breathless; she didn't really want him to stop. She pushed against him, hard, and he finally let her go, grinning at her.

Something erupted out of the bushes behind them and Kate screamed as it rammed into the back of her legs knocking her to the ground. Sawyer didn't have time to react; by the time he got his gun out it was gone. He turned to Kate, who was getting to her feet shakily looking disgusted with herself. "You okay?" he asked, and when she nodded he looked relieved. "Did you see it?"

"No, Sawyer all I could see was the dirt," she snapped, brushing herself off. "Did _you_ see it? I think you had a better view."

Rolling his head at her in disgust, he snorted, "No, Freckles, I was too busy watching you fall on your ass."

"It wasn't my ass, it was my face!"

He sneered at her, "Well sometimes I have a hard time tellin' the difference, Sweetcheeks."

She glared at him for a second, then they heard Jack, calling her. "Kate!" He came bursting through the trees, panting and looking worried. Taking in the two of them, he glared at Sawyer. "What happened?" he gasped, "I heard Kate scream."

Sawyer flared at the accusing look in Jack's eyes. "What're you lookin' at me for, chief?" he snapped. Jack didn't answer. "Thought so."

Putting her hand on Sawyer's arm, Kate felt him relax just a tiny bit; she smiled. "Something ran out of the bushes and knocked me down."

Instantly Jack said, "Are you okay?" Kate nodded. "What was it?"

"I don't know," she said, looking at Sawyer. "We didn't see it. It was gone so fast." She glanced out at the beach, where the others were straggling back. "It must have left some tracks; maybe Locke can tell us what it is." They both looked at her quizzically. She shrugged. "I can follow tracks, I just can't always tell you what made them."

As she said it, Locke came pushing through the bushes. "Everyone okay?" he asked, scanning the clearing. Kate nodded. "What happened?"

Jack spoke up. "Something ran out of the bushes and knocked Kate down. They didn't see what it was. Can you find its tracks?"

Locke glanced up at Jack; this felt like a test, like Jack was trying to see how far he could push him. He rubbed his forehead, squinting at Jack. "Well, I can certainly try." he looked at Kate. "What direction did it come from?" Kate pointed and Locke began scouting ground for tracks.

Jack turned his attention to Kate. "Are you sure you're okay?" he asked, looking concerned.

Sawyer's arm went possesively around her waist, and she smiled and nodded at Jack. "Yeah, I'm fine." Glancing at Sawyer one more time, Jack nodded and went over to Locke.

"Do you know what it is, Locke?"

Locke smiled and nodded towards the beach; Michael was walking up, a happily bounding Vincent at his heels. Jack rolled his head in relief and glanced at Kate. She was looking at the dog and grinning sheepishly; she glanced up at Sawyer and he kissed her quickly, laughing.

Jack shook his head, smiling. Vincent was a good omen, he thought. He watched the dog gamboling happily around Ana, who knelt down and rubbed his ears while he licked her face. Sighing, he hoisted his pack up higher on his back and started walking up the beach.


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**  
The cliff was at least 150 feet high and sheer from the base to the top, almost like a wall. It stretched as far as they could see into the jungle and part of it ran out into the ocean, effectively blocking their route along the beach. Vines and trees and roots were tangled all over it. About halfway up there were two wide circular openings; drains that emptied out over the ocean.

Jack shielded his eyes and looked up at the drains. "Well, I guess that's that." He sighed and glanced at Locke. "We're going to have to go into the jungle. We can't get over that."

Locke nodded. "So much for the drains. I wonder where they go?" He was interrupted by Kate, who was slipping her pack off. She undid her belt and slid her knife and sheath off then rebuckled it, smiling at them.

Sawyer was watching her suspiciously. "What are you doin', Freckles?" He was afraid he already knew. She was naturally curious, he knew, and she also loved to climb. That was a dangerous combination. Dread suddenly flooded his gut, turning it icy.

"I'm checking it out." She took her gun out of her waistband and started to hand it to him; hesitating, she decided against it and kept the gun, sticking back in her jeans. Jack started to say something to stop her, but the look in her eye dissuaded him, and instead he unzipped his pack and dug around, handing her a flashlight. "Thanks." She stuck it in her pocket and kissed Sawyer quickly, then started scaling the cliff, using the bushes and roots as handholds.

Kate was in heaven. She loved climbing; it was something that came effortlessly to her. Her eyes sought out handholds and footholds and her body responded automatically; she was practically scampering up the wall. It was so freeing; happiness flooded through her and she glanced back quickly to the beach; Sawyer was staring at her with awe. Her elation doubled and she flashed him a dazzling smile before turning back to the climb.

Sawyer couldn't take his eyes off of her. _God Damn_, he breathed to himself; she was lithe and supple and her sweaty skin flashed in the sun as she ascended the cliff. As he gazed at her she turned to find him watching and she flashed him a smile that made his knees weak. "Be careful, Freckles," he called, needlessly; she waved.

She was even with the drains; they were about twenty feet to her left. She started edging over, being a little more careful. She glanced down; the ocean rolled and crashed beneath her. Smiling, she scooted the last few feet to the drain opening and reaching over carefully she grasped the edge of the hole and hauled herself in, sliding in on her stomach.

On the beach, Sawyer let out his breath in relief as her feet disappeared into the drain. Glancing at Jack he saw the same look of relief and he suddenly felt very friendly towards the Doc. Kate stuck her head out and waved at them, "I'm okay!" She disappeared back into the hole.

As bad as it had been to watch her climbing the cliff, this was ten times worse. He kept his eyes glued to the drain, and his ears strained to hear anything over the crashing waves. Dread sat in his stomach like a stone; he stared at the hole trying to bore his eyes through it so he could _see_.

Kate could almost stand up; the drain was large. It was also dry; her footsteps echoed eerily as she took a few tenative steps. It grew dark a few feet in; she took the flashlight out of her pocket and flicked in on, nervously scanning the walls. They were smooth; she ran her fingers along them- concrete. She shone the light in front of her, noting that the drain seemed to be going up. Stooping slightly, she started walking, running the light over the walls as she went. She climbed higher and higher; the incline was becoming sharper. She figured she had come about a half-mile when she came to a dead end. A metal grate blocked the drain; she tugged on it to see if it would move. It didn't. Flashing the light around the edges, she noticed it had been cemented in. Looking closer she also noticed something that turned her stomach; all around the edges of the grate were stamped the numbers: 4...8...15...16...23...42. She swallowed hard and let the flashlight drop, pointing it at the ground. Her eyes followed the beam and she gasped.

A skeletal hand was lying stuck through an opening in the grate; its fingers were curled around the bars and as Kate's eyes moved up she saw the face crushed up against the bars, as if it were trying to breathe through them. She felt a little sick, but she knelt down to investigate closer. The body looked old; it was completely skeletal with just a few shreds of cloth clinging to it. She noticed a small pouch next to its arm; reaching between the bars she grabbed it and tried to pull it to her; the skeleton's arm rustled and cracked and came off in pieces. Gagging a little as she realized that the pouch had been tied to its arm, she stared at it, a little queasy. "Sorry," she whispered, and then rolled her eyes at herself for apologizing to a skeleton.

She started to rise, but the beam from her flashlight flickered across something bright and she stooped again, looking closer. Something was attatched to the rotted shirt on the breast of the body; Kate reached in and plucked it off, trying not to gag as she touched the moldy material. She held it under the light, turning it over, it was some kind of badge; like a security badge. She tried to read the writing on it, but it was spotty with mold and the flashlight wasn't that strong; she stuck it and the pouch into her pocket and started back down the drain.

Sawyer and Jack were both agitated; Sawyer's eyes hurt from staring at the drains with such intensity. Jack was shuffling from foot to foot, barely restraining himself from trying to climb up after her. She had been gone for forty-five minutes; he looked at Sawyer and felt a wave of sympathy for the guy- he looked terrified.

Kate stuck her head out, smiling and waving; Sawyer nearly fainted and Jack bent over, letting his breath out in relief. "Will you get down here, Freckles?" Sawyer shouted. I am gonna wring her neck, he thought, watching with apprehension as she slid out of the drain feet first; finding a foothold she slid out and grasped some vines above her, moving to her right slowly. She moved clear of the drain, then started going down just as quickly as she had gone up.

She grabbed a bush that was growing out of the wall; four birds burst from it, squawking loudly and startling her; she lost her footing and the bush ripped out from the wall as her weight fell on it, tumbling them both into the water twenty feet below.

Sawyer and Jack both hit the water at the same time; they surged through the surf looking frantically for Kate; Sawyer's stomach was icy cold with panic. She spluttered up in front of them, smiling and shaking her hair from her eyes. "Hey guys."

Sawyer wanted to shake her senseless; instead he grabbed her and hugged her close, squeezing her with all of his strength. "Damn you, Freckles," he snarled in her ear. She laughed, gasping for air as he crushed her against him.

"Sawyer," she panted, "I can't breathe. You're crushing me." He finally let her go, glaring at her as she trudged through the surf up to the beach. She flopped on the sand and Sawyer joined her, grimacing; his adrenaline had slowed and now he could feel his back burning where he'd gotten in the salt water. She glanced over at him, grinning; her smile faded as she noticed his discomfort.

Jack got his pack and pulled out some fresh gauze; Sawyer's bandage would have to be changed. Glancing up at the sun he considered; it would be dark in two hours and by the time he took care of Sawyer they wouldn't make much time into the jungle...he looked at Locke. "Should we make camp here?"

Locke looked around; everyone seemed tired and the beach was better than the jungle. He nodded at Jack then turned to the others. "Okay, guys, we're making camp here. Ana, Michael...will you guys help with wood? Ok, great..." his voice faded as they got to the business of making camp.

Sawyer was still sitting on the beach next to her, staring straight ahead. Kate could feel the waves of anger radiating from him, and while she knew why he was mad it irritated her. Jack was kneeling behind him, and he touched Sawyer's shoulder. "Take your shirt off Sawyer."

Sawyer smirked. "What, no dinner first, Doc?" He reached up and tried to pull off his shirt, hissing in pain as the salt in his bandages rubbed into his raw skin. Kate stood up quickly and tried to help him but he pushed her away and finished the job himself, grunting through clenched teeth. Kate looked a little hurt, but then her eyes narrowed and she stalked off to help the others.

Jack watched her go, silently. He didn't say anything to Sawyer, whose shoulders were slumping sadly now that Kate was gone. He gently pulled on the tape holding the bandages in place and Sawyer groaned; Jack wasn't sure it was all pain. "You okay?" he asked.

Sawyer stiffened. "Yeah, Doc, I'm just fine."

Jack smiled to himself. "It's okay to be scared for her, you know."

Sawyer turned his head up, giving Jack a look of disgust. "Excuse me?"

Jack grinned and unfolded some gauze, placing it over Sawyer's wounds. "It's okay to be scared. For her." He nodded at Kate, who was viciously breaking branches by holding one end and stomping them in the middle. "You don't have to try to hide it."

Staring at the ground, Sawyer tensed up. Damn Jackass. What the hell did he know? Well, he thought, he knows that she scared me senseless just now. He growled at Jack, "I ain't _hidin'_ anything."

Jack shrugged, and finished taping Sawyer up. "I'm just saying, it's okay if you're scared. You should be. She's...dangerous."

Sawyer had to laugh at that. He grinned through his fringe of hair; the terror in his heart was fading and he felt like he could breathe again. "You have no idea, Doc," he snorted.

"No," Jack said thoughtfully, standing and patting Sawyer on the shoulder and grinning. "I probably don't." He glanced over at Kate, who was scowling at Sawyer as she stomped a particularly large branch with relish. "I think you're in trouble."

Sawyer grinned at Jack, and turned painfully to look at Kate. She sneered at him, then stomped another branch in half staring at him the whole time. He smiled, a devilish light flaring in his eyes. "Oh, yeah, Doc," he murmured. "I am in trouble."

-----

She plucked a piece of fruit from the branches and shoved it roughly into her bag; she was still pissed at Sawyer. She was sorry that she scared him but she was fine; he was overreacting as usual. That wasn't even what bothered her; it was that instead of talking to her his first reaction was to push her away. She stuffed another mango in her bag and started to slide down the trunk, her arms and legs wrapped tightly around the tree.

"Freckles, now that is a sight no man can resist." He was leaning against a nearby tree, his pack at his feet, eyeing her up and down as she clung to the trunk. She paused for a minute, savoring his sexy drawl before she remembered that she was ticked off at him. She slid down a little farther, earning a cocked-eyebrow "Wellll..." from him too. She dropped to the ground, staring at him with disdain.

"What do you want, Sawyer?" She didn't even glance at him as she passed him going back towards the beach. Her body screamed at her to turn around but she ignored it, forcing her legs forward.

He was behind her and his arms circled her waist, pulling her back against him. "I think you know the answer to that, darlin'," he whispered, and her insides turned to water at the feel of his breath in her ear, his body pressed against hers.

Taking a deep breath she pulled away and kept walking; she could feel him behind her staring at her back. She heard him sighing and she slowed her pace, waiting for him to call her. "Kate." Smiling to herself she stopped and turned around. He was right in front of her; he grinned and caught her around the waist, crushing his lips to hers. She struggled for a second, but it was half-hearted, and as his tongue slipped between her lips she gave in and kissed him back.

He finally broke it off and held her face in his hands, staring into her eyes. She gazed back, then hung her head a little; she lifted her eyes to him, her hair hanging in her face in sweaty tendrils and she smiled. "I'm sorry if I scared you."

He grinned at her, and cut his eyes away. "Freckles, I wasn't scared." He leaned into her and whispered softly in her ear. "I was _terrified_."

She kissed him, slowly and deeply; it lasted forever. Sighing, she broke it off, looking around them. "Where's a bunk bed when you need one?"

Grinning, Sawyer let her go long enough to grab his pack from beside the tree. He opened it up and pulled out a blanket; Kate rolled her eyes and laughed. "Freckles," he said, grabbing her again and nuzzling her neck, "I always come prepared."

-----

They all sat around the fire that night. Kate told them about the drains; finding the body and the pouch. She handed the pouch to Jack, who opened it and dumped the contents into his hand.

Two stones- one white, one black -smooth and polished fell out, glowing in the firelight. Jack glanced at Kate; they had seen similar ones before, in the caves. Jack reached down and picked up another item: it was a vial of liquid, with a label wrapped around it. Jack peered at it closely, trying to read the tiny writing; the firelight was too dim. he turned the bottle over and his eyes narrowed...stamped along the bottom of the label were the numbers 4815162342. He glanced up sharply at Kate, then handed her the bottle. She handed it to Locke, who studied it closely.

"I saw the numbers in the drain, too," Kate said. "They were stamped all the way around the grate."

Eko gazed into the fire for a few moments. "Have you ever heard of numerology?" he asked quietly. No one answered. He smiled. "Numerology has many forms, the most common is taking the numeric value of each letter in a word and adding them together. For instance, the word..." he looked around at the camp and his eyes fell on Vincent, who was cuddled up between Ana and Michael, getting his ears scratched from both sides. "...Dog. The letter values are 4,15, and 7. Add those together and the sum is 26. What each number means is dependent on each individual sect's Key; but say for instance that 2 means life and 6 means success. Therefore we may deduce that Vincent will live long and prosper." He grinned at his little joke, and a few people around the fire chuckled. "The Biblical Numerology process is somewhat the same, but it is a little more complicated; too complex for me to explain here. But I can tell you what the numbers mean in the Biblical Key," he said, his eyes glowing in the fire. He had everyone's rapt attention. "The number four represents the Earth, the physical realm, the real world; the number eight represents new beginnings, as God created the world in six days and on the seventh He rested...the eighth day began His work anew." He paused, looking around the fire. "The number fifteen means rest, the pause between changes; the number sixteen means love," he glanced at Kate and Sawyer, who were staring at each other, smiling. "Twenty-three is death. And the number forty two...the most important number of all... is redemption." He fell silent, letting them all digest what he had said. "Redemption."

They all stared silently into the fire, making their own deductions.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**  
The blackness was complete and utterly void of anything. He reached out, trying to feel his way, but there was nothing there and he couldn't see the ground; he wasn't sure if _that_ was even there so he didn't move his feet because he would fall into the abyss if he did. He cried out for her but the blackness swallowed his voice before it even reached his own ears; he could hear her name ringing in his head as he called her over and over.

A light appeared in the distance and he stoppped calling; it came closer but the dark was too deep, too thick for it to penetrate. It came closer still; he could just see a shape in the darkly glowing light. He could almost make it out-

Bright, harsh light flooded all around him as if someone had flipped a switch. He was blinded by it; his eyes burned and watered and he tried to focus. He froze in terror. Walt. It was Walt; but not Walt. This Walt looked the same, but he was old, older than him, older than the island, older than the earth, older than time itself. He was everywhere and nowhere, everything and nothing; he filled Sawyer up like water fills a jug; his voice rang in Sawyer's ears and his hand reached to touch him. He screamed- he didn't want to be touched, it would burn him, it would-

"Sawyer!" He woke up to Kate shaking him, looking terrified. She sighed with relief as he opened his eyes. "You okay? You're trembling."

He didn't answer for a second; he let the shaking subside and the world return around him. His eyes burned; the bright light was still searing his vision and he blinked rapidly, trying to clear his eyes. Jack appeared over Kate's shoulder, looking concerned. "You okay, man?" he asked. "You were screaming."

Sawyer grunted and sat up; Eko and Locke were also eyeing him with some concern. "I'm okay," he muttered. His head was pounding and his ears were still ringing with Walt's voice; he held his head in his hands trying to block out the words. He could feel everyone's eyes on him and it was irritating the crap out of him; he glared up and snapped, "You all waitin' around for the second act?"

Everyone dropped their eyes, embarrassed, except for Kate; she smiled gently, though he could still see the fright lingering in her eyes, and said, "They're just worried about you, Sawyer. You were screaming bloody murder."

He looked at her and swallowed. "Did I say anything?"

She didn't answer. Jack was still standing next to them and he spoke up, looking aside at Kate. "Mostly it was just screaming, but I think you said 'It burns' and 'Don't touch me'." He glanced at Kate again, and she nodded. "Do you remember any of it?"

He swallowed again and shook his head. It was already fading, like dreams do; he let it go willingly. He sighed shakily and ran his hands through his hair, feeling his body relax slowly as the dream receded into the back of his mind, leaving only a lingering feeling of terror. Feeling Kate's worried hand on his arm, he turned to her, smiling weakly. "I'm okay, really."

Jack nodded, "Okay. If you need me..." he shrugged and went back to his place by the fire. Ana and Michael were sitting up, waiting for Jack to come back to his spot next to them.

Michael looked worried; he asked Jack as soon as he sat back down, "Is he okay?"

Jack looked over at Sawyer; Kate was sitting against the fallen log they had been sleeping next to, his head in her lap, stroking his hair with one hand, while he held the other, playing with her fingers. "Yeah," Jack said, smiling at the scene before him. "I'm pretty sure he's okay. It was just a nightmare."

Ana contemplated that. "Must have been a pretty bad nightmare."

Jack glanced sharply at her. "Well, I'm sure he has a lot of nightmare material." He regretted the accusing tone of the words immediately, but it was too late.

Ana looked away, feeling a stab of guilt. She stared at her feet for a second, then she looked back at Jack, smiling sadly. "Don't we all?"

Kate was gently stroking Sawyer's hair while he held her fingers. His trembling had stopped, but every few minutes Kate would feel him stiffen and shiver as terrified chills ran through him; she wondered in vain what he had seen in his nightmare to frighten him so badly. "Hey, Tex," she whispered softly, "are you sure you're okay?"

He smiled a little and squeezed her hand but he didn't answer. His eyes wandered up as Eko came over, looking a little apologetic. Kate smiled a hello and he nodded to her, then he smiled down at Sawyer. "James, are you alright?"

"Yeah, Ed. I'm okay. Just a nightmare." He gestured to the ground with his free hand. "Sit?"

Kate was a little surprised at Sawyer's offer, usually he preferred them to be alone. It didn't surprise Eko, he grinned and folded his feet under him as he sat next to Sawyer. He stared at him for a moment, then he leaned in close. "Tell me about your dream, James."

Sawyer sighed, and glanced up at Kate, who was staring back at him with curiosity and a little hurt. Eko noticed and touched her arm, smiling. "It is alright, Katherine. James and I have had a few such heart-to-heart talks, have we not, James?" Sawyer nodded, glancing at Kate guiltily. "As have we, Katherine." She smiled, nodding abashedly. "Very good. Now, James, tell me about your dream."

He sighed shakily, closing his eyes, then opening them again. "It was dark. I saw somethin', then it was really bright light, and I couldn't see anything. Then," he paused, his eyes finding Michael across the fire; his voice dropped lower, "Walt came to me...and he was talkin' but I couldn't understand...then he tried to touch me and that's whan Kate woke me up." He relaxed, only then realizing how he had tensed up.

Eko smiled wisely, touching his shoulder; he felt the usual shock, but this time it _lifted_ him a little; he felt lighter and the nightmare faded almost completely away. "Yes. I can see why you woke screaming; that must have been very frightening." He paused, and continued softly, "But, after all, James, it was only a dream." He stood, and smiled at Kate. "Take good care of him, Katherine," he said, and nodding his head in goodbye he left them together by the fire.

Kate smiled down at Sawyer, who was playing absently with her fingers again. She had been a little hurt that he was willing to tell Eko about the dream and not her, but just as she was thinking it, Sawyer spoke again. "He wanted me to tell Mike somethin'," he whispered; he didn't want Michael to overhear him. "He told me to tell him that he loves him." He looked up at Kate, misery in his eyes. "How can I do that?"

Kate shook her head; she didn't know. Sawyer closed his eyes, and a little while later Kate heard him snore softly. She leaned back against the log, still caressing his hair; she was in for a sleepless night.

-----

Since going over the cliff was out of the question, the group decided to backtrack to the stone marker and make their way into the jungle from there. The beach was hot and Kate sat down abruptly and pulled her shoes and socks off, stuffing the socks into her boots. She knotted the laces of the boots together and slung them over her shoulder thenstood and bent over, rolling the legs of her pants up to her knees.

She glanced up at Sawyer; he was watching her with curiosity. "What?" she asked.

He grinned. "Nothin' sweetheart, just enjoying the view."

She smiled back. "I'll bet you are." She motioned to his feet. "Why don't you join me?" She finished rolling up her cuffs and stepped into the water, feeling the waves rush by her toes; the sand rushed back out with the receding tide and Kate sank a little into the shore.

"Well, maybe I would if I knew exactly what it is you're doin'." He couldn't take his eyes off of her.

She glanced up at him, smiling sweetly. "I'm sinking."

He shrugged. "Okay. If you say so." He slipped off his shoes and socks and rolled his cuffs a little, then he stepped next to Kate and let the sand drag him down. He hesitated, then he looked at her, wanting to tell her something; he was afraid but he didn't know why. He stared out at the ocean, the breeze lifting his hair from his sweaty forehead; Kate reached over and took his hand. He smiled at her, and suddenly, talking to her was the easiest thing in the world. "Kate," he said, and stopped, uncertain. "I was thinkin', last night, about the dream." She looked over at him, smiling encouragingly. "I don't think it was a dream."

She looked alarmed. "What?"

He sighed, and closed his eyes. "I-I think I'm rememberin' something. I don't think I dreamed it." He kept his eyes closed tight, afraid to look; he just knew she was going to laugh at him, or think he was crazy- he just _needed_ her to believe him. Her fingers squeezed his and he opened his eyes; she was smiling at him, gently. She didn't know what else to say, so she just said, "It's alright, Sawyer." She leaned against him, her hand sliding into his back pocket; her fingers met paper and she drew them back as if they were burned.  
He didn't notice, and she wrapped her arms around him, letting the ocean carry them away, wave by wave.

-----

The marker wasn't hard to find again, and they turned into the jungle following the arrow. Ana was walking next to Jack; by unspoken agreement they had pushed aside the sharp words of the night before and now they strolled together, talking quietly.

"So how come you're not married anymore?" Jack was getting accustomed to Ana's blunt lines of questioning, but this one stopped his heart for a beat. Ana didn't miss his frown. "Never mind," she said, backtracking. "Forget I asked."

Jack smiled at her quickly, then looked back down at his feet. "No, it's okay." He sighed and looked away. "She left me for another man."

Ana shook her head. "What a stupid bitch."

Jack burst out laughing at that. "I'd like to say that's a little extreme," he smiled, "But I am afraid I have to agree with you." His smile faded. "It wasn't all her, you know. I wasn't _there_. And I did...other things." He smiled hesitantly at Ana. "It wasn't all her."

Ana smiled back. "I'm sorry."

"Yeah," Jack said, a little sadly. "Me too." He shook his head and grinned at her. "But that's ancient history, so..."

Ana grinned back up at him. "So." Their eyes met again, and they both laughed.

Something crashed in the trees ahead of them: Vincent started barking and ran off into the woods. Micahel hollered after him but everyone was frozen. Jack, Sawyer and Ana pulled their guns; Kate reached for hers and realized it was gone. Shit, she thought, I must have lost it when I fell from the cliff. Feeling very vulnerable without her gun, Kate slipped behind Sawyer as he pointed his into the trees.

The bushes parted and a giraffe stalked gracefully into the clearing, ignoring the band of humans staring in shock and pointing guns at it. It paused and nibbled a few leaves, then moved on, nibbling some more; its manner was one of supreme indifference as it drifted from tree to tree.

It finally seemed to notice them; it stopped and gracefully turned its head, staring each one of them in the eye before turning back to its path.

The seven of them were frozen in awe and surprise as the giraffe gracefully pecked at a few more leaves before it exited the clearing, shaking the bushes as it went. Nobody spoke for a long minute; then Sawyer shook his head in amazement, letting out a deep breath. "Damn," he said, staring after the retreating animal. "Now _that's_ somethin' you don't see every day."


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**  
Vincent hadn't come back yet and Michael was starting to get a little concerned. They had been walking for a couple of hours since they saw the giraffe; Locke had noticed a gravel path running under the jungle overgrowth and they were following it, making pretty good time though not going with any real haste. He shrugged and kept walking; Vincent was sure to show up sooner or later, he always did.

Ana was walking beside him, a few feet behind Jack who was watching Locke warily. She seemed a little preoccupied, and Michael finally spoke. "Weird seeing a giraffe, huh?"

Ana glanced up, grinning. "Yeah," she said, "Just a little." She hesitated, glancing up at Jack's back; since telling Michael about her baby they had become kind of friends, sharing the bond of lost children. She needed to tell someone about the...vision she had; it was driving her crazy. "I've been seeing a lot of weird things lately."

Michael glanced at her sharply. "Like what?"

She hesitated, looking at Jack again. She didn't want him to hear; Jack was the type who was _intolerant_ of weakness and she didn't want to lose any more ground with him than she already had. " A..a gargoyle."

Micahel stopped and looked at her; she stopped too and rolled her head away in embarrassment. "A _gargoyle_." She nodded. Michael stared at her for another second, then shrugged. "You know what?" He said, throwing his arms up, "That isn't a surprise. Kate saw a horse. Sawyer shot a polar bear. We just saw a _giraffe_. So, no, you seeing a gargoyle doesn't really shock me all that much."

"Sawyer shot a polar bear?" She laughed.

"I sure did, Butch." Sawyer came up beside them, grinning. "Only took nine shots."

"Nine shots." She smirked, her hands on her hips. "What were you using, a pop-gun?"

Scowling, Sawyer shot back, "A nine, sweetcheeks. _You_ try bringin' down a charging polar bear with a nine millimeter. That takes skill."

"Or a mental deficiency." Smirking, she glanced behind him. "Where's your girlfriend? She finally wise up? Move on to greener pastures?" Kate was trailing them, talking to Eko.

Sawyer sneered, his eyes savage. "Why, Cupcake, you miss my company? Got nobody to stomp on?" He held up both hands in front of her. "Well, I got both arms now, Butch. It ain't gonna be so easy to get your boots on me."

Jack appeared next to Ana, looking between the two of them. "Easy, Sawyer, what's going on?" Kate had noticed them too, and leaving Eko she ran up to Sawyer, putting her hand on his arm. She didn't want a confrontation; she'd been avoiding Ana like the plague for that reason. There was a fragile equilibrium between herself and Jack; they were balanced precariously on a flimsy raft, Sawyer pulling on her, Ana pulling on Jack, threatening to upset the balance and send them all spilling into the water to drown. Leave it to Sawyer, she thought, I leave him alone for a minute and he's starting shit.

Saywer glared at Jack, barely feeling Kate's hand on his arm. "Nothin', Doc. Me and Butch were just takin' a little trip down memory lane." Kate was pulling him, now, gently putting pressure on his arm. Glowering at Ana, he sped up, falling into step a few yards behind Locke; Kate glared at Ana before catching up with him and taking his hand.

Jack gave Ana a questioning glance; she sighed and shrugged. He shook his head at Sawyer and fell into step with her and Michael.

"What was that?" Kate gestured back at Ana. Sawyer was calming down; Kate could feel him unbend just a little and the tension leave his body.

"Nothin'. I just owe her a wrestlin' match." He smiled at Kate's raised eyebrows. "I can back out if you want. You know, if you don't want me rollin' around with her." He gave her a dirty little grin. "Or you can fill in for me. I wouldn't mind seein' _you_ roll around with her."

She threw him a disgusted look. "Sometimes I wonder why I- OH!" Stopping dead in her tracks, Kate stared up at a huge stone arch with a steel gate covered with vines. Locke had stopped also, and was looking at it with curiosity; from the arch there stretched wrought iron fencing as far as they could see before the jungle swallowed it up. Everyone else stopped, gaping at the seven-foot-high wall. The vines and undergrowth covering the fence were so thick they couldn't see into it; Locke stepped up to the steel gate and pushed it. It didn't budge.

Kate was inspecting the arch. "Locke," she said, pulling away some vines, "look at this." Wiping it with her sleeve she revealed another bronze plaque like the one they had seen on the stone marker by the beach. This one said:

**Alvar Hanso Foundation **

Dharma Project

**_Zoological Research Facility_**

They exchanged glances. "Well, I guess this would explain the polar bear and the giraffe," Locke said. "Let's get this thing open."

Jack and Sawyer joined Locke and they pushed against the steel door, grunting with the effort. It finally gave with a shriek and swung open, stiffly; they all walked in slowly, staring around in astonishment.

It looked like a city zoo; there were miniature habitats and open air cages with buildings attatched to them; there were paths and benches and _garbage cans_ set at intervals along the walkways. Everything was overgrown with vines and bushes; this place had been deserted a long time and the jungle was on its way to reclaiming it.

They all filed in, silently, openmouthed. The path in front of them split in two; Jack glanced at Locke. "What do you think, John?" he asked.

Locke scratched his head, staring at the paths before him. "Well, we're here, Jack. We might as well check it out. We came for _answers_, right?"

Jack glared at him. "No, John, we came to save Michael, remember? Or is that not why you came?"

Locke studied Jack for a second, then smiled. "I told you before, Jack, when we opened the hatch. It's all relative. This may _be_ the way we save Michael." He nodded at the split in the road. "You choose, Jack. You choose the path to take; either way you go it's your fate. Your choice doesn't matter."

Jack stared at him for a minute, hatefully; then he said, coldly, "My choices always matter." Without another glance he took the path to the right. Ana followed him, and after staring at Locke for a second, Michael joined them.

Sawyer was a few feet away, inspecting an enclosure that resembled a large birdcage. He wiped away the dirt and foliage from a sign on the front of it, reading out loud. "African Parrot- Language Enhancement." He glanced at Kate. "Why don't they just say they're teachin' the damn bird to talk?"

Kate rolled her eyes and watched Jack and the others disppear around a bend in the path; she glanced at Locke and Eko, who had already started down the left-hand walk. Sawyer had moved on to another enclosure, this one a large cage hung inside with netting that had rotted into moldy strings, giving it a haunted look. Rubbing the sign posted beside the cage, Sawyer said, "Chimpanzee-Intelligence Testing and Enhancement." Looking up he caught Kate watching him, and he smiled, gesturing to the cage. "I guess that explains how Jack got on the island, huh?"

She laughed and shook her head. "You are so mean sometimes." She nodded after Eko and Locke. "Come on, let's keep up." As she passed him, she grabbed his hand, pulling him along behind her.

Eko and Locke weren't going very fast; they were inspecting signs and cages as they went along. That invisible force still kept them apart; they walked on opposite sides of the path, reading out alternately as they checked out the cages. Kate caught them as they came to a very large caged enclosure; the gate into it was open, hanging off its hinges. There was a fake stone "cave" in the back of it, hidden in the shadows and Kate suddenly got a very bad vibe. Eko wiped the sign off and read out loud, "Jaguar- Strength Testing and Enhancement." Sawyer was walking towards the hanging gate, not paying attention; staring at the cave, Kate sensed it almost before it happened- a huge cat tore out of the shadows towards the gate where Sawyer was standing, suddenly frozen in shock.

Kate reached into her waistband for her gun; it wasn't there. She panicked, screaming at Saywer. "SHOOT IT!" Locke had his gun drawn, but Sawyer stood between him and the cat; he couldn't shoot without hitting him. Kate was frantic.

It happened in slow motion; the cat gathered its haunches preparing to leap on Sawyer; he threw his hands up, hearing Kate scream; Eko and Locke both started forward shouting; a yellow streak flew in from behind Sawyer and hit the cat in midair, knocking it to the ground. Sawyer unfroze and backpedalled frantically out of the pen as the cat freed itself from a snarling Vincent and leapt at him again; Vincent recovered and bit onto the cat's leg shaking it and snarling. The cat screeched and swiped at Vincent, knocking him away; Sawyer grabbed Kate and ran before the cat could come after them again.

Kate snagged his arm and they skidded behind a cage, slipping into the building behind it and shutting the door. They were plunged into darkness; the only light came through the tiny crack between the door and the doorjamb. They could hear the cat snarling outside, and Sawyer leaned against the door listening; he jumped out of his skin when the cat flung itself at the door, screeching and clawing. Kate huddled against him, panting raggedly, his arm around her shoulder as he listened to the cat, snarling and growling. It flung itself at the door again, shaking it, and Kate gasped a little and pressed herself closer to him. The cat hit the door one more time, and Kate heard a soft _snick_ through the door between screeches.

The cat grew bored finally, and left, its growls and snarls fading as it moved away. Sawyer sagged against the door, feeling Kate sigh with relief and lean against him; he tightened his arm around her shoulder. "I hate cats."

Kate laughed shakily, her breath finally returning to normal. "I love dogs. I hope Vincent is okay."

"Yeah," Sawyer said softly. "Old Rin-Tin-Tin deserves a milkbone for sure." He sighed, straightening. Reaching for the doorknob, he leaned down and kissed her softly. "Let's go see how he is." He turned the knob and pushed; the door wouldn't open. He grabbed the knob with both hands and jiggled it violently. "The damn door is stuck," he said, kicking the bottom of it. Kate pushed him aside and tried. Rolling his eyes, he snapped, "Oh, right, like I don't know how to open a door?"

She tried to look through the tiny crack, pressing her face to the door, and she sighed, suddenly remembering the tiny _snick_ she'd heard. "It's a latch," she said, wearily, turning to Sawyer and leaning against the wall. "The cat must have jarred it loose when it hit the door." She smiled at him; he could just see her in the tiny beam of light. "We're locked in."

"Great." He slid down the wall, sighing. Kate heard him mutter, almost to himself, "I _hate_ cats." She giggled a little and Sawyer looked up at her; she was still standing by the door, the beam of light from the crack illuminating half of her, leaving half in the shadows.

"Hey, Sawyer," she said, and he could feel her eyes on him as she moved out of the light, coming to him in the darkness. "We're alone..."

Kate couldn't see him but she could feel the heat radiating from his skin as she drew nearer. His voice reached her through the gloom, and she sensed his smile. "It's dark..."

"We're locked in..."

They were inches apart; the electricity between them snapped and popped like a livewire though they couldn't see each other. Kate could hear his harsh, ragged breathing; Sawyer could hear her heart pounding. He reached for her and she came to him, drawn like a magnet; finding her lips he kissed them leisurely, teasing her gently with his tongue. His hands went to her waist, squeezing it softly, then they slipped up under her shirt and lifted it over her head. His head lowered to her throat, nibbling and kissing his way down; one hand slipped behind her back and in one deft move unclasped her bra; she gasped a little as he pulled it from her, dropping it to the floor. His mouth took advantage; Kate moaned and grabbed his hair trying to pull him closer, he could feel her quivering beneath his lips as his other hand slipped down even further. She felt the button of her jeans pop open, then his hand slipped into the waistband. While his fingers were exploring her, Sawyer kissed her again, hard, feeling her tense and moan against his mouth. She shuddered, spasming a little and he gently lowered her to the floor, stripping her jeans from her in one smooth motion while she went to work on his shirt, unbuttoning it as fast as she could.

Sawyer released her for a second and took his own clothes off quickly; he couldn't bear to leave her for an instant. The light from the door was falling across her again casting half of her in shadows; he felt a sudden pang of dread but it passed quickly as she pulled him down to her. He groaned softly; the feel of her body, her skin pressed against his drove him to insanity; he couldn't wait any longer to have her.

She was ready for him; as he sank into her she sighed, wrapping her legs around him as he rocked against her, slowly, then with more urgency. He increased his pace even more when she dug her fingers into his shoulders, straining against him; he felt her tighten, then release and she cried out as he followed her over the edge.

He didn't move for a minute; his vision was swimming and he leaned his forehead against hers, feeling her panting breath against his face. Her skin was sweaty; Sawyer kissed it, savoring the saltiness on his tongue and lips., then he kissed _her_, long and sweet before he finally moved away, lying his head on her shoulder and nestling his cheek against hers. The light was falling across half of her; she was smiling and peaceful; he wondered if the part of her in the shadows felt the same.


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27**

The right hand walk didn't have many cages; after they passed a few ragged fences the walk forked again; the right side of the path opened out onto one long, low building while the left side of the path continued on, curving in the distance.

Jack stopped in front of the building, staring at it. He was still furious at Locke; the man knew how to push his damn buttons.

There were few windows and they were small and overgrown; the whole building had a derelict feel to it. It was sagging under the weight of the jungle; some of the walls were crumbling in spots and a large section of the roof had fallen in leaving naked beams crawling with vines and roots.

Michael was studying the building too; he glanced at Jack and shook his head. "I know what you're thinking, man," he warned, "I wouldn't go in there."

Jack looked at him, sighing with irritation. "If this is a research facility, I'm guessing they have a veterinary unit, which means a stock of medicines at best and surgical supplies at worst. There could be food, blankets, clothes-"

"Guns." Ana looked at Michael, who still seemed unsure, though a little taken aback at Jack's tone.

Jack glared at her, almost spitting the word out. "Guns." He glanced back at Michael, who was shaking his head.

"No, Jack," he said, "that thing is like a house of cards, man, one stiff wind and it's gonna fall down on your head."

Jack licked his finger and stuck it in the still, sticky air, then he smirked at Michael and said, "Nope, no wind, Michael. Not even a stiff breeze." Glancing at Ana, he shrugged, "I guess _I'm_ going in." He started towards the building, looking for a door.

Michael glared at his back, and Ana shot him a look of sympathy; that had been a little out of line on Jack's part. She caught up to him. "Hey." He didn't stop. "Hey, Jack." She put her hand on his arm, slowing him down so she could talk. "That was a little harsh, don't you think?" She watched his face, studying him. "You're not mad at Michael, it's Locke, right?" He didn't answer, jerking his arm away from her and continuing his search for the entrance. "Why, Jack? Why does he bother you so much?"

Jack stopped, his shoulders tensed. He turned to Ana, coldly. "He wants me to believe that my choices don't matter. That what I do in my life means nothing because no matter what I'm going to end up in exactly the same place." He leaned in closer. "He wants me to believe that I am going to end up like my father. Hated and alone." He smiled icily; Ana looked at him with something like pity and empathy, and he continued. "But John, oh, he can _fix_ me. Or actually, the _island_ can fix me, if I ask it pretty please and give up part of my soul as a thank you." Ana was still staring at him with that same look; he turned away. "I don't know what Locke got from the island," he said, "But I sure as hell know what he gave back." He turned back to her coldly. "_Who_ he gave back." He walked away, looking for the door.

Ana let him go, staring at his back. So that's why he doesn't trust Locke, she thought. She smiled a little; Jack had let a little of himself slip there.

A scream ripped through the jungle; Jack could barely make out the words. He glanced at Ana, "Did you hear something? Did it sound like 'shoot it'?"

"Yeah. Sounded like Kate." They pulled their guns and Jack led them back down the walk to the fork; glancing at Ana questioningly, he asked, "Back to the beginning, or take this path?" he nodded to the left.

"The left." He took off at fast trot, Ana and Michael close on his heels. What the hell was happening _now_? The path finally curved and he could see Locke and Eko coming out from between some cages, breathless.

"Locke! What happened?" Jack glanced around at the empty cages as Locke came up to him looking around nervously. "Where's Sawyer and Kate?" He felt icy dread trickle down his back. He snarled at Locke, "What happened?"

Locke rubbed the back of his head. "I don't know. A big cat attacked Sawyer, from over there," he gestured towards the fence," but Vincent stopped it. It went after Kate and Sawyer again, but Vincent bit it and held it long enough for them to run. We didn't see where they went. We tried to go after Vincent, he was hurt pretty bad, but he ran away, through the fence." He looked sadly at Michael. "I'm sorry."

Jack glared at Locke. "You went after Vincent? Kate and Sawyer were being chased by a giant cat and you went after the dog?" He looked incredulous. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

Ana put her hand on his arm, trying to placate him. He was getting that scary crazy look in his eyes. "Jack,-"

He shook her hand off of his arm, glaring at Locke, who just smiled. "They got away, Jack, and they had a gun. Vincent was badly hurt and he had just saved both of their lives. I'm sorry if you don't agree, but I made a judgement call." He shrugged. "We were just going to track them-"

Glaring at Locke, Jack turned away and started calling them. "Kate! Sawyer!" he started to walk further ahead, but Locke put his hand on him. Jack shook it off angrily.

"Jack, the cat may still be around. You might want to stop yelling." Still glowering at Locke, Jack stalked off down the path. Locke watched him go, sighing, then glanced at Ana and Michael, who were staring after Jack too.

He didn't care where he was going, he just wanted to get away from Locke. The man was insane. He slowed his pace, trying to calm himself down. As he rounded the far curve of the path a few minutes later, he thought he heard something; it sounded like a moan. Someone was hurt. He listened and heard another; he followed it around a crumbling cage to the building behind it. There was a door, but it was latched from the outside, he stepped up to the door to lift the latch and froze; there was another moan, punctuated by a soft giggle and a sigh; he shook his head and rolled his eyes to the sky, screaming silently in frustration. Sighing, he silently, carefully lifted the latch, then casting one more furious look at the door, he turned and went back to the others.

-----

Sawyer was kissing her neck, nibbling deliciously while his hands roamed around the rest of her. She lay reclined, basking, still slick with sweat, her hands behind her head, watching him in the beam of light that fell across them. He hit a ticklish spot and she giggled a little; his hand roamed lower. The beam darkened, and Kate tensed, sitting up; Sawyer lifted his head and to protest but she shushed him, staring at the door. After a tense minute the light returned; Kate waited a second then jumped up and ran to the door, turning the knob; it opened and light spilled into the room.

Sawyer threw his hands over his eyes, squinting at the bright light. "Shut the door, Freckles." She did, but out of embarrassment; holding it cracked she could see Jack walking away. "That's better," Sawyer said, pulling her to him. She pushed him away, irritated at herself for feeling embarrassed at all.

She snatched up her clothes and started putting them on. "We gotta go. Everyone's probably worried."

Sawyer snorted. "Nice try, Sweetheart. _Somebody_ had to unlock that door. I'm guessin' from your reaction it's dear old Saint Jack." She didn't answer and he started dressing angrily. "What is it with you two?"

"Nothing."

"Well, it sure doesn't seem that way sometimes." The bitterness in his voice hurt her.

She looked up at him, and caught his eyes, holding them steadily. "There is _nothing_ between us, Sawyer." She hesitated, then reached out to him, caressing his scarred and bruised chest gently; she whispered, "How could there be?"

He stared at her for a long moment, then averted his eyes and mumbled, "Alright." He waited a beat, then hugged her to him, tight. She leaned into him, then rolled her eyes as he started kissing her neck again. "Oh, puh-lease, Sawyer." She laughed a little as he tickled her neck; she felt herself responding to him despite her protests. With an effort she pushed him off, holding her hand out to stop him as he lunged for her again. "Stop. We have to go."

She opened the door and stepped out into the sunlight; Sawyer came out behind her, and catching her eyes he beamed at her; she smiled back and he took her hand. They walked around the corner of the cage; Jack was sitting on one of the benches, apparently waiting for them. He looked really annoyed.

He feigned a look of surprise. "Well, that certainly didn't take long."

Kate felt herself flush and that irritated her. "What's it to you, Jack?" she snapped.

"I don't suppose you care, but we've all been looking for you." He sneered at Sawyer. "But I guess you had more _pressing_ concerns."

"Excuse me?" Sawyer tensed up, his good feeling gone in a flash. He stepped up to Jack. "Exactly what business is it of yours, Doc?"

Jack glanced at Kate; she had an expression of weary resignation, as if their earlier friendliness had been too good to be true and and a pang of remorse shot through him. He backed down, shaking his head. "Forget it, Sawyer. Come on, everyone's waiting." He turned and walked away; Sawyer scowled at his back as Kate tugged on his arm, pulling him along.

Locke came up to meet them. "Glad to see you're okay. What happened?"

Jack spoke up before they could answer. "They were locked in an animal shed. I heard them yelling when I walked by." Saywer and Kate exchanged glances. "We found the research lab, I think, back on the path Ana and I took. I want to go back and check it out, see if there's anything we can use."

Locke nodded. "Sounds good. Let's get the others."

Twenty minutes later they all stood in front of the research lab, eyeing it with dismay. Jack had finally located an entrance, and he cleared the vines away, revealing a door with an electronic security lock. He tugged on the door, it didn't budge. He inspected the lock; it had a digital display on top, and the front of the lock had three lights. Everything was dark; there was no power. He wanted to scream in frustration. He looked around at the holes in the crumbling walls; none of them were big enough, and anyway, climbing on crumbling masonry probably wasn't a good idea. He kicked at the door in anger.

Kate felt her pocket; it was there, she'd nearly forgotten about it. The security badge she'd found on the skeleton. She pulled it and looked at it; it was covered in mold and she wiped it clean on her shirt; she still couldn't see much, just a smudgy barely visible picture and a blurry, unreadble name. The bottom of the card was perfectly clear; a barcode was visible and readable. She smiled to herself and walked up to the lock; taking a deep breath she swiped the card through.

Nothing.

She shrugged and smiled apologetically at Jack. "I thought it might work." Behind her, the lock beeped and whirred; a red light flashed on; then it clicked to yellow; she leaned up to read the LCD display as it whirred on. Her eyes widened and she turned to look questioningly at Sawyer; he leaned over her shoulder and read it. His face turned stony and cold and he grabbed her wrist, hard, snatching the badge out of her hand.

"Where the hell did you get this?"


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28**

"Where the hell did you get this?"

The green light on the door flicked on, but nobody noticed; they were frozen, staring at Sawyer. Kate was a little scared of him; he had a vise grip on her wrist and he jerked her a little, waving the badge in her face. The change in him had been so sudden and violent Kate couldn't get an answer out; she gaped at him, stunned, and he jerked her arm again, harder. "Where the hell did you get this, Kate?"

Jack stepped up, putting his hand on Sawyer's arm. "Hey, Sawyer, that's enough. You're scaring her."

Sawyer threw Jack's hand off violently; he knew he was scaring Kate; he could feel her arm trembling and see the look in her eyes and that pissed him off even more. "Get the fuck off me, Jack." He shoved Jack away, not releasing Kate's arm. Rage was getting the best of him; he was seeing red.

Jack glared at him, and threw his hands up. "Fine. Have your little _lover's_ spat." He retreated and stood with his arms crossed, watching.

Kate shook herself out of her shocked stupor, and as her brain ground back into action she suddenly _knew._ "No, Sawyer," she said, shaking her head at him as he turned back to her, eyes blazing with fury. "It can't be. It's...It's him?" He stared at her, the rage in his eyes flaring.

"I'm gonna ask you one more time. Where did you get this?" His voice was deadly quiet; Kate shrank away from him, trembling. This was not Sawyer; he had been replaced by a red-eyed demon. His grip tightened, grinding the bones of her wrist together; she grimaced in pain and his stomach rolled in disgust at himself but he didn't loosen his grip.

Jack stared at them in frustration. What the _hell_ was wrong with Sawyer? He glanced over at the LCD display to read whatever it was that had gotten him into such a frenzy, but the display was blank.

Tears were filling her eyes from pain; pain in her wrist, pain in her heart. She finally gasped out, "I found it in the drain." The hand on her wrist loosened just a little. "It was on the..." she hesitated, looking away from him; her voice was a whisper,"...on the skeleton."

Sawyer's heart stopped. He dropped Kate's hand and gazed blankly at the badge. He was dead? He stared at the picture, willing it to reveal itself. Maybe it's not him. His heart started beating again, but in an awkward rhythm, as if it was preparing to stop again and didn't want to get going. Surely there are plenty of Frank Sawyers in this world. They're both pretty common names. It's one hell of a coincidence if it's not him, though. Sawyer laughed bitterly to himself. Well, hell, it's a _bigger_ coincidence if it is. Dread crept back into his heart; on this island it was no coincidence. It was him.

Kate was watching him, her heart in her throat. He was gazing at the badge, looking _lost_; she touched his arm but he flinched away from her. "Sawyer," she said, softly. "It's him, isn't it? The man from your letter." His gaze lifted from the badge to her eyes and she paled a little; it was filled with hate and loathing, pain and... _loss_. She nodded at him, eyes wide. "It is. Frank Sawyer? That's his-"

"Shut up, Kate!" He snarled it at her; he didn't want her lips to be dirtied by saying that name. He didn't ever want to hear her say _his_ name again. "Don't ever say that again."

She flared a little; she knew he was hurting but she didn't know how to help him and her inability to cope with the situation irritated her. She swallowed her annoyance. "Sawyer, I-"

He exploded. "You got a hearin' problem, Freckles?" His eyes snapped with fury. "I thought I said don't ever say that again!"

Her irritation flared into anger; the words were leaving her mouth before she could stop them. "What, don't ever say your _name_ again? Am I supposed to snap my fingers, clap my hands?" Her eyes narrowed. "Or should I just call you _James_?"

He glared at her and her stomach dropped; she opened her mouth to take it back but he cut her off, coldly. "James is dead." His eyes flicked over her and he shrugged. "Don't worry, Sweetcheeks. There won't be a need for you to call me at all." His words were like ice water; she shivered with dread as he turned his back on her and walked away.

He walked blindly, staring at the ground in misery. He hadn't meant to hurt her, though he knew he had; lashing out was always his first reaction to anything. Frank Sawyer was dead and he hadn't done it. He hadn't pulled the trigger. He hadn't read the letter. He had never even had a chance; it wasn't fair that he would never get that fucking spot off his heart now; he would never be _rid_ of him. He could never be James again, ever; the chance to leave Sawyer behind was dead and crumbling in a drainpipe.

He heard Kate coming behind him and his heart lurched; he didn't stop. "Hey!" she shouted. "Hel-lo?" He heard her sigh in exasperation and he almost smiled in spite of himself. Damn her, how did she do that? "What the hell am I supposed to call you, then?" He still didn't answer but he slowed his pace just little. "I can think of a few names if you can't." His shoulders loosened a little; Kate noticed and smiled to herself. "Wanna hear 'em?"

He stopped, finally, turning to look at her. She was standing with her arms crossed, a smile playing around her lips. His eyes met hers and he couldn't hold her gaze; he dropped his eyes and muttered. "Not really."

She walked up to him, and he could see understanding in her eyes, not pity. "I know what it's like, you know," she said softly, "to hate someone so badly that the only thing you can think about is erasing them from the face of the earth; erasing them from _yourself._" His eyes found hers, and he believed her completely; she was speaking to him from her darkest heart, the one she kept hidden even from herself. "It doesn't change anything, Sawyer," she whispered sadly. "It doesn't ease your pain; it still grows every single second of every day." Her arm snaked around his back and deftly snagged the letter from his pocket. "This is a _piece of paper_, Sawyer. He ruined your life? Fine, he's dead, and if it makes you feel any better it looked like he died in a pretty gruesome and painful way. He's gone, nothing can change that." She leaned in, ignoring his angry glare at the letter; holding it in her hand she offered it to him, smiling sadly. "Don't let him ruin the rest of your life, Sawyer. Find something else to live for." The letter fell from her hands into the dirt; she turned and walked back up the path. She paused and turned back to him; he was frozen, staring at the letter on the ground. Feeling her gaze on him, he lifted his eyes to her; she flashed him a meaningful look then smiled. "I did." She disappeared up the path.

-----

Kate ran down the path after Sawyer and Jack sighed, shaking his head. Those two needed to seriously talk to Libby when they got back to the beach.

He turned his attention to the door; he was tired of worrying about them. He felt like he had been shocked back into civility; his anger and frustration was gone. He was still irritated, and pretty sure that Locke would piss him off again soon, but for now he decided to enjoy exploring the building; maybe they would get some damn answers for a change.

He glanced at Ana and pulled on the door; it opened with a soft swish and he looked in quickly. it was dark; he fumbled around in his pack for a second before remembering with an irritated pang that he had given Kate his flashlight and she had fallen into the ocean with it; it probably didn't work now anyway. Ana flicked on a light and handed it out to him smiling; he grinned back at her and took it, letting his fingers brush against hers. She glanced at him, questioning; he just winked and swung the light into the dark doorway.

They filed in silently; the flashlight was weak and didn't penetrate the gloom. Jack shook it, trying in vain to get it a little brighter, Suddenly the overhead lights flickered on and Jack spun in surprise to find Locke with his hand on the wall, flipping on light switches. Locke grinned at Jack and he swallowed a flash of irritation. "Power's on."

"Yeah, Locke, I see that." They were in a large hallway; there were benches lining the walls and a dried up fountain sat forlornly in the center of the room. Another large hallway intersected the main one. Directions were painted on the walls; to the right was the kitchen, living spaces, reference room, and general offices. To the left was the veterinary ward, genetic laboratory, and research laboratory. Jack pointed to the left. "I think we should split up, Ana and I will go check out the medical supplies and the labs, you three check out the kitchen and the reference room." Locke looked a little miffed at Jack's presumptuous attitude, but he decided to save that battle for another time. He was going to go to the reference room anyway; he thought he might find some answers about the island there.

Jack and Ana disappeared down the left hand corridor; Michael, Eko and Locke turned to the right. The halls were bleak and bare, probably stark white at some time but now a dingy green-brown that made it feel like they were still out in the jungle. They came to the Reference Room first; Locke turned the knobs on the double doors and they creaked open, dust falling from the ceiling. Michael blanched, and warned them, "Careful."

Locke glanced back at him and smiled, then turned to Eko, who was standing a few feet behind him. "Shall we?"

Eko nodded and said, "You first." Locke laughed and reached inside the door, flicking the lights on. Flourescent overhead lights popped and crackled as they came on unwillingly; a couple blew out leaving the room a little gloomy.

There were bookshelves lining the walls and several comfortable chairs spread out through the center with writing desks and tables scattered around. John went to the shelves and started looking at the books; they were mostly very technical textbooks and medical journals; he didn't bother to look through any of them; he wouldn't understand the technical jargon and such. Medicine was not his field. He continued perusing the books, one caught his eyes. It didn't fit in; it was just a plain old hardback novel. He leaned in and read the title, grinning to himself; maybe it did fit in. _Doctor Doolittle_. Curious, he reached up and pulled the book off of the shelf; he flipped through the pages; nothing. He went to slip it back on the shelf when a glimmer caught his eyes, he stopped, and reached into the space where it had been; his fingers touched metal and he pulled out a film canister very similar to the Orientation film he had watched in their hatch. Flipping it over he saw the title : Introduction.

He held up the film. "Eko, come here."

Eko approached as closely as he could, and John tossed the film to him. He caught it and read the name and looking up at Locke a slow smile spread to his eyes. "I think we need to find a projector."

Locke smiled. "I saw it over by the molecular studies section." He scurried over to get it; he returned quickly and Eko strung the film. They were excited; it felt like they were getting somewhere. The Island gave up the castaway's secrets to them, but it kept its own secrets its own.

Michael hit the lights and Eko plugged in the projector. They sat quietly, in anticipation as Eko turned it on; looking at Locke he smiled. "Okay. Here we go." He flipped the switch and the projector whirred to life.


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29**

The hallway to the left didn't go far; fifty feet in it ended abruptly in a pile of rubble and jungle undergrowth where the roof had fallen in. Sunlight filtered in giving the hall a gloomy glow; Jack stopped and stared at the roof with disappointment. "Well, I guess this is it. We can't get past that." He glanced around the hall; there was one double door a few feet away from the rubble that looked undamaged, maybe they could get in there. He glanced at Ana, who was gazing at the long, jagged cracks that ran through the walls and the ceiling; he motioned to the door and said, "I'm gonna check that out."

"I don't know, Jack," she replied, pointing at a particularly large, gaping crevice that ran parallel to the doors, "That doesn't look too good." The image of the demonic gargoyle snapping at Jack's heels flashed through her mind making her shiver; she sighed to herself; saying anything to him was pointless because he was going to do it anyway.

He proved her point by reaching out and pulling the right side of the door; it creaked but swung easily open and he smiled at her before going through it, leaving it wide for her to follow. She cast another uneasy glance at the fissure in the wall and the pile of rubble and shook her head; seeing the gargoyle had given her a bad feeling about this.

Jack turned on the flashlight Ana had given him earlier and aimed it at the walls; finding the light switches he flicked them on- nothing. No power here, he thought to himself. The room was small and dark but for the gloomy light from the hallway, he slowly moved the flashlight across it and smiled. Bingo. He heard Ana come in behind him and he turned to her, smiling. "Lucky us. This is the veterinary ward." He flicked the flashlight up against the far wall illuminating a gigantic glassed in cabinet; the vet pharmacy. Something gleamed in beam of light and he slid it down; in front of the cabinet was a large stainless steel examination table, big enough to hold a very sizeable animal. He handed Ana the flashlight and skirting the table went to the cabinet trying to open it; it was locked. "Dammit."

"Here." Handing Jack the flashlight she pulled off her blouse, leaving her in just a tank top; she pulled her gun from her waistband and wrapped the blouse around it and her hand then slammed the butt of the gun into the glass, shattering it.

Jack looked a little impressed; and a little something else too, Ana thought, smiling at him. "Nice job."

Ana shrugged, smiling. "I used to get to do that a lot. Part of the job." She unwound the shirt and shook it out; broken glass tinkled to the floor and she grimaced and tossed the shirt on the table. She wouldn't be wearing that again. Jack watched her stick the gun back into her pants; without her blouse he could see the muscles in her arms ripple as she moved. She glanced up and caught him staring; she straightened slowly, a slight smile playing around her lips. "You see something you like, Jack?"

He didn't move for a second; then he nodded and ducked his head grinning. Realizing he had been holding his breath, he let it out and turned to the cabinet; if he looked at her...well, he wasn't going to. He started rummaging through the bottles, using the flashlight to read them. "Most of these are twenty years out of date. Damn." Shoving bottles aside he kept looking though he knew it was useless; maybe there would be some peroxide or alcohol. Ana's eyes were on him, the feel of them was distracting him; he said something just to break the tension. "So, how come you're not a cop anymore?"

The question startled her, she hadn't expected him to say _that_; surprise was quickly replaced by anger and sadness and she answered, "I was shot. No longer fit for duty, unless I wanted a desk job. I passed, you know, sittin' still isn't really my thing." It was a lie, of course, but an effective one; she'd used it frequently in the real world.

Some of the glass in the top of the cabinet hadn't broken; Ana saw something flicker in the weak light reflected from the hallway. She spun around and looked toward the double doors and He was there, leering at her through the weak light. She let out a gasp and panicked; running to the door she slammed it shut, blocking him from her sight.

Ominous cracking and groaning started coming from the walls; Jack turned and it was dark, he couldn't see her. He swung the flashlight around wildly, the walls were about to buckle, plaster and dust were raining down casting a deep smoky haze in the already dark room. The flashlight couldn't penetrate it; he groped around in desperation, choking from the debris. He could hear the walls crumbling; his arm finally closed on Ana; he jerked her back and they dove under the exam table as the cabinet, roof and walls came crashing down around them.

It was dark and the air was thick; they coughed and choked until the dust finally began to settle. Jack reached around and took off his pack carefully, it was covered in broken glass from the cabinet; his elbow knocked into the rubble and it shifted making the table creak and groan. The table was large; there was room for them to sit, side by side, but that was all. He could feel pill bottles and glass all around them. "Be careful of the glass. Are you okay?"

"Yeah."

He handed Ana a water bottle, then flicked off the flashlight. It was pitch black.

"How much air do you think we have?"

"An hour; maybe a little more if we're careful. I hope Locke heard that."

"I really screwed up, didn't I?" Jack couldn't see her but he could feel her pressed against him. He leaned over and found her lips in the dark; she returned his kiss, her hands sliding up under his shirt; the kiss quickly became almost frantic. Ana's fingers clutched into his skin beneath his shirt as he held her face, pulling her closer.

"Jack! Ana!" Locke's voice was muffled.

Their breathing was ragged as they pulled apart; Ana left her hands lingering as Jack panted a few seconds before answering. "Locke! We're here!" Her fingers slid out from under his shirt; he wished he could see her; all he could hear was her breath.

"Okay!" Locke called to them. "We're getting you out. Just hold on."

They didn't speak. The silence was heavy; the darkness was suffocating. They waited alone, together.

-----

The projector whirred to life; a few scratchy frames flicked by, then the title screen: _Introduction to The Dharma Project- Zoology Research Center. _A familiar face popped up and started narrating. "Hello. I am Dr. Marvin Candle." Locke glanced at Eko. This looked familiar. "Welcome to the Zoology Research Center. If you are watching this film it means that you have been chosen to be a part of a groundbreaking experiment that is sure to change the progress of mankind for the better."

The picture left the doctor and different kinds of animals flashed on the screen; polar bears, a giraffe, a chimpanzee. Candle's voice kept narrating. "The animals that we keep in this center are an extremely important part of this project; it is imperative that the directions for their care be followed exactly. We are experimenting in ways to increase their strength, intelligence, communication abilities, stealth, and life expectancy; in the future these experiments may be used to benefit man as well."

The doctor was back on screen again. "There are six of you for this phase of the project. Each of you will be in charge of multiple animals; as few as four or as many as eight. You will be on call for your charges at all times, night or day. Remember, instructions for their care _must be followed exactly._ Thank you for your time. Namaste. And good luck." The screen flickered and went dark.

Michael turned the lights back on. None of them spoke for a minute, then Locke said, "I think I am going to watch that again." He glanced at Eko, who nodded, smiling.

"I think that is a good idea." Michael shrugged; he didn't need to see it again. They were up to their eyes in some crazy sht and he didn't need to see the movie again to know it. He started wandering around, looking at the shelves. He pulled out a few files, then flipped through them, nothing caught his eye. He set those down and pulled out another sheaf of folders; flipping through them he saw some diagrams and paused to look closer.

The lights flickered and a rumbling groan shook the building; Michael stuffed the pages in his pocket as he, John and Eko ran into the hall; a cloud of dust was already billowing out, choking them as they ran towards it, coughing and sputtering. Eko stopped and grabbed Locke's arm; he shook his head as another rumble and crack rolled out of the dusty gloom. Covering his mouth and nose with his shirt, Locke tried to walk slowly; as the dust finally began to settle his gut twisted with dread - the entire hall had collapsed. "Jack! Ana!" He shouted, trying to pick his way through the rubble. He waited. Nothing. He moved farther into the chunks of debris, calling again. "Jack! Ana!" Still nothing. He glanced back at Eko and Michael; they both looked very worried.

"Locke! We're here!" It was faint, but he heard it.

"Okay! We're getting you out! Just hold on." Locke gestured to Michael. "Check it out, tell us where to dig." They got to work.

-----

It seemed like hours, though Ana knew it had only been twenty minutes or so. The darkness and the silence stretched time out forever. The feel of Jack's hands lingered on her skin; she was glad of the darkness as she flushed a little. She wasn't sure why he elicited such a response in her; part of it was her need, since Danny she had sworn off men for a while and it _had_ been a while. There was something else though, something frenetic about it; she couldn't put her finger on it.

He wanted her though. Her skill at reading people wasn't necessary to tell that. She smiled, flushing a little deeper.

Jack flicked on the flashlight. He could hear them getting closer. He moved the light along the floor looking at a few of the bottles; still hoping against hope that there would be something useful, he picked up a small box that didn't look like it quite belonged. It was the type of box that jewelry comes in; he opened it and there was a small piece of cotton batting with two stones nestled in it. Black and White. He shut the lid, wondering for the millionth time what the hell was going on on this island. Slipping the box into his pack he turned off the flashlight, handing it to Ana who took it wordlessly; she was careful not to touch his hand. Shaking his head in the dark he zipped up his pack and waited for Locke to get them out.

-----

She was reclined on a bench, staring at the leaves fluttering idly in the canopy. He would come back, she hoped; the decision he was making was a hard one and she wasn't entirely sure which way he was going to go. It hadn't been an ultimatum, exactly; she hadn't said 'It's me or him' but it felt kind of final. If he didn't come to her now; if he chose to be alone, outside of even _them_, then what did that say?

"Hey Freckles." She closed her eyes with relief, then sat up on the bench; he was standing a few feet away, staring at her. She noticed the letter still clutched in his hand.

"Hey. You okay?" The rage was gone; he just looked tired and worn. The bruises on his face had faded to shadows; they added to his haggard look.

He hesitated, not meeting her eyes. "No." Her heart fell. "I want to make a deal with you."

"Okay," she said, her heart beating again. "What's the deal?" Grinning, she raised her hand up. "And I've already got carte blanche so that's off the table."

He almost smiled; she saw the corners of his mouth twitch. "I want you to go with me. Take me to him. I...I have to see him myself." She flooded with relief; he wanted her to go. He didn't want to do it alone. "I _need_ to see him for myself." His eyes finally met hers and held them for a long moment; grinning, Kate went to him and wrapped her arms around him.

"Well, I don't know, Tex," she said, squeezing him gently. "You still haven't said what's in it for me."

He hesitated, then he hugged her back, holding her tightly; she could feel his hands balled into fists pressing into her back and she grasped him tighter trying to _help_ him. His body convulsed slightly and he pulled away from her, staring at his hands. "I can give you this." She stared at the letter, shaking slightly in his hand. "Take it, Kate."

She reached out and grasped the letter; he held it for another second, then let it go, sighing as he did. "I'd say we got a deal," she whispered, and she kissed him, softly and slowly, savoring the moment; the letter crackled, forgotten in her hands. Reluctantly she pulled away, and sighed, "Guess we better saddle up, Tex. Got a long way to go back to the beach." He was staring at her, a small smile finally breaking through. "What?"

His dimples flashed just a little. "Nothin'. I was just thinkin' something when you said 'saddle'."

She rolled her eyes out of habit, but she had never been so glad to hear him crack a joke. ""Did it involve spurs and a blanket?"

His eyes widedned in mock surprise. "Well, well, Freckles. I never knew you liked to ride...horses."

She nodded, wickedly. "I'm actually more into saving horses, _Cowboy._"

"Oh, really?" He cocked his eyebrow at her.

She rolled her eyes at him again. "Yeah, really. Come on. We better go if we're gonna make it to the beach before sundown." She hoisted her pack onto her back. "You ready?"

He was, in more ways than one. She was smiling at him, her hand out; sweaty tendrils of her hair clung to her skin and sudenly nothing mattered but her, at least for a few minutes she _was_ his existence. He could almost let go, let her be his reason for living but something made him hold back; he wasn't ready to let Sawyer go, not yet. He had to see it with his own eyes, be _sure_ that he was dead because once he gave up on that path and gave himself to Kate he could never go back again. He took her hand. "Oh, I'm ready," he said, pushing a sweaty strand of hair from her face. "Giddy-up."


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30**  
Michael checked out the right side of the Research Center and declared it kind of safe; they decided to stay there the night to investigate the reference room a little better since the laboratories on the left side were buried under a pile of rubble. Jack and Ana were both filthy, covered in dust and dirt; they had a hundred little cuts and scrapes from broken glass and flying chips of masonry. Ana wandered in the direction of the bunk rooms hoping against hope for a working shower; she was gritty and grimy and sweaty. But more than that, she felt a little dirty from Jack's touch; he hadn't said a word to her since the kiss, he hadn't looked at her. It made her feel guilty, like he was angry with her for some reason, like she'd done something wrong. Tension hung between them heavily; she kept glancing up at him trying to catch his eyes but he kept his head averted from her. She wanted to scrub him off of her, forget that it had ever happened; somehow she didn't think it was going to work that way.

She found the bunk room; three bunk beds were built into the walls, six little dressers lined up opposite them. The beds were made and tidy; it had a very sterile, spartan feel to it; there were no books or knick-knacks, no photographs or pictures on the walls. There was a door in between two of the bunk beds, Ana opened it, reaching in and flicking the light switch. She smiled; a bathroom with a sink. And a shower. She smiled even wider. Toilet paper. God, the comforts of home!

Jack was in the reference room with Locke, Eko and Michael; they were going through files slowly, most of them were filled with equations and figures beyond even Jack's comprehension. He made a mental note to himself to bring Sayid here sometime, maybe he could make sense of the jumbles of numbers and letters. The pages kept sliding out of focus; Ana kept sliding in. The kiss had shaken him; he didn't want to like it as much as he had. Since getting out of the cave-in he had avoided her because he was afraid if he even glanced at her he would lose his control completely. He glanced up, wondering where she had gone, thinking idly that she was a lot like Kate; she couldn't keep still. Kate. Had they come back yet? "Locke, have you seen Kate or Sawyer?"

Locke didn't look up from the paper he was reading; it was intriguing him because a certain word in the title sounded vaguely familiar but he couldn't quite place it. "No, I don't think they came back. Jack, listen to this," he read the title, "_The Effects of Tessering on Organic Lifeforms; Physiological and Psychological_.' He glanced up at Jack, who didn't seem interested; he was very distracted. "Jack, does that word, 'tessering', does it sound familiar to you?"

"Not really." Shifting from foot to foot, Jack glanced nervously at the door. "It's going to be dark soon, shouldn't we go look for them?"

Eko stood up, smiling. "I will go." He shook his head as Jack started to pick up his pack to come along. "No, Jack. I will go alone. I know where they are." He nodded to Locke. "The word sounds familiar to me, also. I will try to remember." Smiling at them both again, he left.

The pages were swimming in front of him again, as hard as he tried to focus; he kept seeing her arms rippling in the beam from the flashlight, feeling her hands against his chest. He stood abruptly; without a word he left John and Michael to their reading.

His feet carried him almost without his knowledge, he heard the shower hissing and he followed it to the bunk room. His hand reached out on its own and grabbed the knob to the bathroom; he willed it to stop, STOP! but it turned and the door swung open. Steam billowed out and he shut the door behind him; she was standing under the water staring at him, not looking surprised. Not moving to cover herself, either.

His clothes were off before he knew how and he had her, kissing her hungrily as their frenzied hands tore at each other. He lifted her up and she wrapped her legs around him, grabbing onto his shoulders; he pushed her up against the wall beneath the showerhead, the water making them slick together as he frantically thrust against her.

The footing was slippery; he slid with every move and Ana reached above her and grabbed onto the showerhead to help him balance, pulling herself up. He groaned against her at the feel of her contracting muscles and thrust harder and faster; the hot water pouring onto him increased his pleasure and when Ana finally cried out he joined her with a deep moan, his knees wobbling a little. He sagged against her for a second, then she unlocked her legs and slid down, leaning against him lightly, barely touching. Their breath came in ragged gasps and Jack could feel his heart galloping wildly in his chest. He leaned into Ana, pushing her back against the cold tile and she gasped; after the hot water the tile was a shock. He caught her open mouth with his and kissed her leisurely, enjoying the sensation of the water and her wandering hands.

The water suddenly went freezing cold and Jack yelped and jumped away, out of the icy cold blast. Ana had jumped too; she stuck her hand back under the water and grimaced. "No more hot water." She smiled up at Jack, who was still shivering. "Damn."

He smiled and glanced around. "Any towels? It's freezing." Her eyes wandered down below his waist and she smirked at him; he followed her eyes and frowned. "There's a perfectly reasonable medical explanation for that."

She choked back a laugh; it probably wasn't a good idea to hurt his feelings just now. She pointed to a cabinet below the sink; "Towels are in there."

Still frowning a little Jack grabbed them each a towel; they smelled musty and old. He dried quickly, still a little miffed; Ana laughed silently to herself as he wrapped the towel firmly around his waist, throwing her a little glare as he did. Jesus, she thought, men are so damn _sensitive_. The towel rasped across her skin, rubbing it pleasurably; a _hot_ shower and a clean towel; what else could a girl ask for?

Jack watched her towel off as he dressed silently. She wasn't paying attention to him; he saw a little grin play across her lips and she glanced over at him, flushing just a little. He smiled back and went to her, kissing her gently. "I'm going to let you finish up here," he said, cupping her chin, "I'll see you in a little while." He kissed her again, quickly, and left, closing the door behind him. Ana smiled to herself. Oh yes, you will.

-----

He was in the void again; the blackness so deep he couldn't see his hands. He couldn't _move_ his hands, he tried to move again; his face was pressed up against something hard, like wood. He wiggled his hands, his arms were stretched out from him tied to something. He struggled but he couldn't budge; the binds that held his hands burned as he writhed against them.

The bright white light beamed on again; he still couldn't see, but now his eyes watered from the glare and he struggled harder against his bonds, grunting with the effort; his face was still pressed painfully into something, but his eyes were so blurred he couldn't make it out.

A shadow appeared in front of him, blocking the harsh light from his watering eyes. Something sparkled next to the shadow; brilliant spots of light danced inside the haziness; he thought it was beautiful. The shadow sharpened as it came closer; it was a man, and he bounced something in his hazy hands that made the lights dance again, Sawyer smiled at them, his eyes still blurry.

A hard, cold voice echoed in his head. "Thirty-nine."

What? "What the hell are you talking about?" Sawyer's voice sounded funny in his own head; he realized he hadn't spoken at all.

"Thirty-nine lashes." The lights twinkled again. "Sixteen for love. Twenty-three for death." The shadow man cackled. "Sixteen for love, twenty-three for death." The shadow disappeared again and the light blinded him; he groaned and pulled against the binds on his arms but there was no give. Fire ripped across his back and he shreiked as the metal tips on the whip tore his skin. "One!"

'NOOO!" The whip sliced into him again.

"Sawyer!" He opened his eyes; they still burned from the bright light. Slowly they focused and Kate was leaning over him looking terrified. "Sawyer. Are you okay?" He couldn't speak yet so he just nodded weakly; his back was still burning and his head was pounding. He struggled to sit up, his mouth cottony dry he croaked, "Water." He looked around to get his bearings; they were on the beach, under the cliff.

Kate handed him a bottle, watching him with fear still in her eyes. "You were screaming again." He drank deeply, the dream receding just a little. "Are you okay?"

He nodded, then looked away from her, swallowing hard. "Give me back the letter."

Shocked, she stared at him. "What?"

"The damn letter, Kate. Give it back to me." His eyes blazed crazily.

She shook her head, fear gripping her heart. Why did he want it back? "Nope. We made a deal. Letter's mine." She tried to play it off, make him laugh. It didn't work.

He snarled at her. "The damn deal's off, just give me the letter. I don't need to see him."

Kate's heart dropped. Why was he saying that? He changed his mind, he wanted to be alone. He was giving up. "Why not?" She could barely choke the words out.

"Because he ain't dead. I just saw him." He looked her in the eye, daring her to contradict him.

"Just now. In your dream." She was gazing at him like he was crazy and it cut him to the bone. She didn't believe him. "Sawyer, you had a nightmare-"

"I told you I wasn't dreamin'," he hissed at her, getting angrily to his feet. "I _saw_ him. He..." he gulped, the words stuck in his throat as he remembered the whip slashing into his skin,"...he was there." The cloud. He was the man he'd seen in the Black Cloud that day and now he had seen him in his memory. The bastard was still alive, and on this island and as soon as he got the letter from Kate he was going after him, to finally put an end to this suffering. "Now give it to me."

She knew what he was going to do. "No, Sawyer. I'm not letting you go. It was a _dream_."

His head was pounding. God _damn_ her. His anger kicked up a notch and he glared at her, his eyes blazing. "Freckles, I don't wanna go through this again!" He was almost shouting at her; he saw her tense and draw away and his rage kicked up another notch.

He was going to come after her, after the letter; she could see it in his eyes. The power driving him was stronger than her and she started getting desperate; he would catch her if she ran and force her to give it to him, and if he got it he would be gone. Cold resignation filled her heart; she had to do it for him.

She pulled the letter out of her pocket and held it over the fire. Sawyer's eyes widened and he threw her such a look of hatred that she nearly dropped the letter into the flames. "Don't you dare do it," he hissed at her; she wanted to cry.

"Give me your gun." He just glared at her and she lowered the paper closer to the fire. She couldn't bear to look at him; he was glowering at her and she could feel the waves of hate and betrayal radiating from him as he pulled his gun from his pants and threw it at her.

She wanted to scream she was sorry; he looked so hurt underneath the hate. I'm doing this for you! she wanted to tell him, instead she picked up the gun and rose slowly, holding it on him.

He smirked nastily at her, eyeing the gun. "You know what, Freckles? I don't think you'd do it." He stepped towards her and she cocked it, still holding it steadily on him; her eyes were cold.

"I wouldn't kill you, Tex. But I sure as hell could injure you enough to keep you from following me." He believed her. She backed away, towards the jungle. The look on his face was killing her; hate and hurt. She stopped at the edge of the trees and stared at him. "I'm doing this for you, Sawyer." She turned and disappeared into the trees.

He stared at the jungle for a long moment, then he hollered after her, "I was doing it for _us_." His voice died on the wind.

He dropped back down by the fire; he couldn't follow her in the dark, and anyway, he didn't want to. The nightmare returned to him and his back flared; he groaned and lay back on the sand, closing his eyes.

"James." He sat up quickly, startled; Eko was standing in front of him, smiling.

"Now ain't a good time, Ed." Sawyer growled, laying back down, his heart pounding along with his head.

"On the contrary, James. Now is the perfect time." He sat down by the fire, ignoring Sawyer's glare as he sat back up. "Where is Kate?" He didn't answer; the look on his face told Eko all he needed to know. "Ah," he said, nodding. "The letter."

Sawyer glanced up sharply. "What do you know about it, Shaft?" he snarled.

Eko just smiled serenely. "I told you before, James, I know many things. And I have been sharing them with you." He nodded his head towards the jungle. "And Katherine." The silence grew and Saywer was wondering if he was just gonna sit there and stare at the fire all night when he spoke again. "Jesus had brothers, well half-brothers, the true sons of Joseph. One of them was named James." That caught Sawyer's interest, though he tried not to show it; Eko noticed anyway and continued. "James and his brothers did not believe that Jesus was the son of God; they teased him and ridiculed him, though that did not hurt him as much as their lack of faith." He was listening openly now, and Eko smiled at him. "After the resurrection, James became a believer, like so many others; he felt the divinity of his half- brother, whom he used to tease so mercilessly but who always forgave him no matter how harshly he was treated." He paused, looking at Sawyer, who was leaning forward, listening raptly. "I tell you these things because there is one passage written by him, James 4:14," he smiled to himself, "that you should take to heart as if _you_ had written it." He leaned in close to him, holding Sawyer's eyes as he recited the passage. "Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away." Sawyer was wide-eyed, his gaze held by Eko's. "Think about the path you are choosing, James. Life is brief and joy is fleeting. Right now you have the chance to hold both in your hands; do not throw it away on a ghost."

Sawyer's eyes fell. "But he's alive. I saw him."

Eko smiled, and touched Sawyer's shoulder giving him the familiar shock. "The ghost is not him. It is you." Smiling, he stood. "Goodnight, James. If I see Katherine should I send her back?"

Sawyer gazed into the jungle where she had gone. He wasn't ready to give it up completely yet, but running off into the jungle _was_ senseless. He glanced at Eko and nodded. "Yeah." Eko smiled broadly.

"Ah, Cowboy," he said, smiling up at the stars. "Joy is fleeting, but it is still joy." He winked at Sawyer, "Enjoy it while you can."

Sawyer smiled back, thinking about Kate; rolling her eyes at him, laughing, shuddering and gasping beneath his hands. "I will, Ed. Believe me, I will."


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter 31**  
Ana took her time after Jack left, towel drying her hair and savoring the feeling of being _clean_; after almost two months on the island with no way to really wash it felt absolutely wonderful to feel _real_ skin, not just layers of dirt. The effect was going to be spoiled a little by putting her dirty clothes back on; she wrapped the towel around herself and went back into the bunk room, rifling through the dressers, hoping to find something to wear long enough to at least rinse her clothes out and let them dry; there was soap and hot water (maybe!) and that was better than nothing.

The drawers were mostly empty, just an odd sock and dust bunnies; she sighed in frustration as she opened the last drawer. She didn't really want to walk around the guys in just a towel; especially not Jack. What had happened between them had been...fantastic; she smiled to herself and pulled out a pair of blue satin jogging shorts and a t-shirt with a picture of John Travolta from _Saturday Night Fever_; the one where he's got his finger pointing in the air. She snorted and shook her head; this was going to be almost as bad as the towel. What the hell kind of geeks had been living here anyway? The guy probably wore polyester leisure suits open to his navel with gold medallions roped around his neck. She hesitated, then drew the shorts on under the towel; they were loose but they'd stay on. Shaking her head at the t-shirt again she glanced around then dropped the towel and pulled the shirt on quickly, almost dreading that Jack would walk in. She hoped he'd walk in.

She left the bunks and, once in the hall, turned away from the reference room; she was sure Jack was there and she didn't want to see him just yet. The shower hadn't eased her much; in fact it had whetted her appetite more than anything. She didn't...trust herself around him and she had the funny feeling he felt the same way. There was a door ahead, she was pleasantly surprised to find a kitchen. There had been toilet paper and soap, maybe there would be food! She ran to the cabinets, throwing them open; there were moldy boxes and a few rusty cans; there was evidence of mice also. Disappointment washed over her; she hadn't realized how much she missed food until she thought she might have some. She glanced around and her eyes lit on a _refrigerator_. The power had been on; maybe...

She didn't dare to open the door; she took a deep breath and pulled on the handle of the fridge; it opened with a pop. The light was on. She held her breath and peeked inside, eyes widening in surprise.

Beer. And it was _cold_. To hell with food, she thought, and she picked up one of the icy cans. She closed her eyes and pulled the tab; it hissed and popped. She smiled and took a sip. Oh, sht. It was the best thing she'd ever tasted. It was slightly flat and it tasted like the can, but it was _cold beer_. She shuddered with pleasure for the second time that day.

The fridge didn't yield anything else of value; there was a bunch of fuzzy stuff and a few murky jars; two beers and a few sodas. She shut the door, shrugging- the beer was a score anyway. There was a huge freezer a few feet away, but she noticed the plug lying out of the socket; she decided not to investigate that.

Still holding the beer, she wandered back to the bunk room, intending to wash out her clothes, instead she found herself lying on one of the bunks, can balanced on her stomach, staring at the bottom of the bed above her. Her thoughts wandered to Jack, of course; she kept replaying the shower over and over. I wonder what he's thinking about, she wondered to herself, grinning. Her eyes wandered over to the wall; she noticed something sticking up between it and the mattress. Reaching over she plucked out a large envelope; she opened the clasps on it and slid out a large pile of paper; it opened up into a...map.

She nearly dropped the beer; she set it on the floor and looked closely at the map. It was the island, she was sure, the northeastern area was familiar to her. Sighing, she folded it back up and picked up the can, draining the last of it and tossing it into the trash.

Jack didn't turn around when she came into the room, but Michael looked up and snorted when her saw her clothes. "Nice look." Locke smiled too, and added, "That's a great movie." They looked at each other and busted out laughing. Ana glared at them both; but that just made them laugh harder. She turned away in disgust; the clothes really _were_ horrible. Jack was staring at her, and as she caught his eyes, he nodded. "Nice outfit." He wasn't laughing.

For a minute she forgot why she had come in the first place, the envelope wobbled in her fingers and threatened to drop; then she snapped out of it and thrust the map into Jack's hands. "I found that in the bunks. It was between the wall and bed."

Jack pulled the map out and unfolded it, his eyes widening. "Locke, I think you should see this." Ana hurriedly cleared a table off and they spread the map out on it, their eyes glued to it. It was a topographical map, and most of the island was shaded a dark green ringed with white, with a few blue lines trickling from the northeast; brown ridges ran like parentheses down the island roughly north to south; Locke studied it for a second, then pointed to a spot in the southwestern area of the island. "That's where our camp is." He smiled. "There's the hatch." Jack looked closer; there was a dot and a tiny label: _Swan Station_. He met Locke's eyes and they scanned the map, looking for more little labels. They were printed darkly and hard to see on the green background, but Locke found the Arrow Station, and the drains; but there was no Zoological Research Center anywhere. "Funny."

Jack pointed to a spot on the northwestern edge of the island; it was close to the beach, but still in the jungle. Locke read it and they exchanged glances. Catching their looks, Ana leaned in and read the label Jack was pointing to. "Shark Station?"

-----

"Hello, Katherine."

Kate glanced up, smiling; she was sitting just inside the tree line, knees drawn up under her chin watching the beach. Sawyer was sitting by the fire, staring into it moodily, but Kate could tell even from here that the anger and craziness was gone. "Hi, Eko." She nodded towards Sawyer. "I saw you talking. Is...Is he okay?"

Eko smiled gently at her. "Yes." He squatted down, arms balancing on his knees, and Kate turned her gaze back to the beach. The letter was burning in her pocket; she wanted to rip it into a thousand pieces and throw it to the wind, but she knew deep down for it to mean something it had to be Sawyer's action, not hers. Eko touched her gently, bringing her eyes back to his with a shock. "Katherine," he whispered, and his voice was different, it had an urgency to it, not his usual calm tone. "This is very important, you must listen. James is special. He is very special. You must protect him, no matter what."

Her shoulders tensed and she stared at Eko with fear and a little disbelief. "Protect him from what?"

"From everything. From everyone. But mostly from himself." He stared into her eyes. "I know you feel badly for what you did, but believe me, you did the right thing. He will forgive you for it. You saved him, Katherine, by making him stay. But you saved more than him." She stared at him, wondering how to take that. Eko was whispering now, his hand on Kate's; she could feel her skin tingling a little unpleasantly at his prolonged touch. "Stay close to him, no matter what. Don't let him do anything...rash."

Kate shook her head. "I can't! I can't control him, you know. It's not like that."

Eko removed his hand and Kate was a little relieved. "He listens to you, Katherine." He stood, his easy demeanor returning in a flash. "Now, go to him. He needs you, a little more than you know, I think. A little more than _he_ knows. Will we see you at the Center in the morning?" Kate was gazing at Sawyer, her eyes glowing, and Eko smiled, nodding. "Maybe in the afternoon, then."

Kate smiled without taking her eyes from Sawyer, and nodded. "Yeah." She sat there for a while after Eko had gone, thinking about what he had said. She found it a little funny that she believed Eko without hesitation after her reaction to Sawyer's 'dream'; it wasn't that she didn't believe Sawyer, it was that she didn't _want_ it to be true because that meant that he was still out of her reach.

She stood, finally, and walked slowly out onto the beach. Her heart lurched as he looked up at her; he didn't smile or speak, he just gazed at her, that curious light shining in his eyes, but hurting too. She suddenly _felt_ protective of him; she never wanted him to feel pain ever again. Her heart steeled with resolve as Eko's words echoed in her head; she _was_ going to protect him, no matter what. No matter _who_. She stopped a few feet away, her arms crossed, meeting his gaze and holding it fiercely.

They stared at each other for a long time, finally Sawyer slid his eyes away from her, looking back into the fire. "You held a gun on me, Freckles."

"I know." She took a step closer. "You didn't give me a choice."

He didn't answer for a second, then he looked back up into her eyes. "I know."

She pulled the letter from her pocket, and walking up to him, she held it out, her hand shaking; she hesitated and pulled it back a little. "Sawyer, you've got to promise me you'll never try to do anything like that again. Please."

He hadn't reached for the paper in her hand. He'd run Eko's words over and over in his head; especially the part about the James passage. I never know what could happen tomorrow, he thought. I could find him or I could not; but I am going to enjoy every single second of her while I wait and see. He still needed to find him, to end it, but the crazy drive was gone; he could bide his time, hell, he had been for years. It was a small island; they were sure to cross paths again and when they did he was going to finish the job and say goodbye to Sawyer forever. Both of them. He held her eyes again; "I won't."

She extended her hand. "Then here it is. Take it back."

He stared at it for a minute; her hand was shaking. "No," he said softly. "I think you should keep it." He gave her a meaningful look. "I need to get used to not having it on me."

Her eyes filled with tears and she threw herself on him, kissing him hungrily. He caught her, and returned the kiss, glorying in the feel of her in his arms, the soft comforting _weight_ of her, holding him, hugging him. He groaned a little as she met his tongue with hers, and she tore at his clothes in a frenzy, wanting to feel him against her. "Wait," he said, hoarsely, and he pushed her away, gently. "Wait." He reached over to his pack and unzipped it; sheepishly he pulled out a blanket.

She rolled her eyes. "You weren't _expecting_ anything, were you?"

He snorted. "Like you weren't thinkin' the same thing, sweetheart." He spread the blanket out and she took the opportunity to shed her clothes; he stopped and watched her as she drew her tank top over her head; the moonlight was shining on her and she was cast into shadow. His heart stopped in dread for a second, but she caught him watching and smiled, slowly, teasingly sliding her jeans down. His heart started to beat wildly as she removed her jeans, then hooked her thumbs into the waist of her panties and slid them down, slowly, holding his eyes. He threw his clothes off, quickly and grabbed at her, tickling her; she shrieked playfully and tried to get away. He let her go and she ran towards the surf, skipping into the waves; she went in waist high and dove in, sufacing gracefully a few seconds later. Sawyer was captivated; the moonlight glistened on the droplets beading on her skin; she reached up and pulled her hair back from her face.

"Come in, Sawyer!" she called to him, teasing, "Or is it too cold?"

It wasn't cold at all; the water was deliciously warm as he waded in, to where Kate waited for him, smiling, shining in the moonlight. She lifted her arms to him and he pulled her close, kissing her salty skin, then her salty lips. She wrapped her legs around him; the water bouyed her up and he let it do its thing as his hands caressed her, she kept her hands tightly wrapped around his neck. She was warm, too; warmer than the water and he held her close, the waves making the rhythm for them as he rocked into her gently. They were there for an eternity; just the sound of the waves and wind and their ragged breathing. His lips slid to her throat, and he could hear her breath coming in little gasps against his ear; it excited him and he groaned against her; she spasmed and shuddered and he followed her.

They didn't move; she kept her hands wrapped in his hair, he kept his hands around her waist, and his forehead leaned against hers. They kissed, softly and gently; taking their time, _enjoying_ it as the waves rocked them slowly together. Sawyer felt himself stir again; the urgency of the kiss increased. Kate felt it too; she started to pant excitedly as they began to move together again; Sawyer carried her out of the surf, stumbling a little in the sand, and laid her on the blanket.

He moved gently into her, then stopped; holding himself above her, he asked, "Would you really have shot me, Freckles?"

She smiled, and bit her lip; "Yeah." She laughed; it vibrated through him, making him groan softly. "And I think I would have liked it a little, too."

He laughed too, and kissed her, then leaned his head against hers. "Thanks for making me stay," he whispered, moving gently against her. She moaned softly, shuddering a little, then panted, "You're welcome."

He pulled back a little and looked at her, in awe that she was _there_; he suddenly felt...joyful. He held it and her tightly in his hands, unwilling to ever let them go.


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter 32**

Kate was reclining in the sand, idly reading a book she'd found in his pack. He was still sleeping; he'd woken her near dawn, kissing and touching her insistently and they'd made love again as the sun rose. He'd fallen back to sleep, but Kate was _awake_, her body thrumming with adrenaline. She'd already gone into the jungle to get some fruit, going as quickly as possible; the more she dwelled on Eko's words the more worried she became for Sawyer. He was special? Why did she have to protect him? From what or who? She felt like she had to be constantly on guard, and she unconciously felt behind her back for the gun; she hadn't given it back to Sawyer.

The book was mildly interesting; it had caught her attention because of the white winged centaur on the front; anything to do with horses had always interested her, even if they weren't really horses. There was another book in there, too, _The Third Policeman_, but she didn't think she'd enjoy that as much.

"Whatcha reading, Freckles?" He was rolled up on his side, smiling at her.

She turned the front of the book over and read the title. "_A Wrinkle in Time_." She smiled at him, reaching out to push a strand of shaggy hair from his eyes. "It's pretty good."

He was staring into her eyes. "What's it about?"

She smiled at him, her hand sliding down gently to his cheek. "I have no idea."

He chuckled. "Well, it just so happens that I do." He reached over and gently pulled the book out of her hands, tossing it lightly aside. "Do you want me to tell you about it?"

She scooted over so that she stretched against him; his arms went around her, and she whispered, "Yes."

He chuckled again, in her ear. "It's about time travel." He breathed gently against her. "If you could go back, Freckles, time travel, where would you go? What would you change?" She stiffened and he was suddenly sorry he'd asked. He shook his head "Never mind."

She smiled against him, squeezing him a little, and laughing bitterly. "It's okay," she said. "I have a lot of places I would go. How about if I just choose an easy one. For now." She met his eyes, pleading. She would go back, sure, but would she change what she had done? She liked to think so, but then where would she be now? Who would she be now? Would she know Sawyer? Were they really destined to be together? Somehow she thought so, but she didn't really want to dwell on the possibilities.

"Okay, Kate. Let me hear the easy one." He wasn't inclined to push her today; she'd earned at least _that_ from him. He wrapped one of his hands in her hair, kissing her forehead softly; she smiled and sighed.

"If I could go back and change any moment...the day, when you bribed me to kiss you. I'd change that."

He looked hurt, and she grinned to herself. Sometimes she couldn't resist needling him. "_That_ was an easy one for you to change?"

"Yeah." She paused. "I wouldn't have stopped it." He chuckled and kissed her. "Now it's your turn. What would you go back and change?"

He looked thoughtful. "Well, I got a lot of 'em too. So how about I give _you_ an easy one for now?" She rolled her eyes at him and he grinned. "Okay, I would change...the first time I saw you."

She looked at him questioningly. "After the crash? Why would you change that?"

Sighing, he smiled at her, shaking his head. "Nah, Freckles, I saw you long before the plane. I told you before I made a birthday wish about you."

She was staring at him, stunned. "When? How?"

He hesitated, then decided it was way too late to back out now. He kissed her, softly, then leaned back, his head resting on his hand, elbow in the sand. "It was about four years ago. I was working a con in some podunk town in Iowa." She glanced up at him, terror flashing in her eyes. He _knew_. "I was leavin' in a hurry, you know, but my damn car broke down. I had just scammed someone on fake farm deals for about a hundred grand; I decided to hop a bus to another state, Florida, buy a car there, meet up with some friends in Tampa." Realization was dawning on her and she paled a little. She knew what was coming. "I was waitin' for the bus, and I was feeling pretty miserable, I always did after a job," he smiled apologetically at her. "It's my birthday, too, and that makes me feel even worse, you know, so I am just sitting, feeling like the king shthead of the world and this girl comes in," he was gazing into her eyes, a look of wonder on his face. "And she was beautiful, I mean friggin' _beautiful_; she had on a Janis Joplin t-shirt, I remember because I was thinking how good it looked on her." She was still looking shocked and scared, but she smiled a little at that. Sawyer reached out and brushed a strand of hair from her face; he could see she was upset, and he was sorry he'd ever brought the subject up in the first place, but it was too late now. "So, I keep watching her, because I just can't take my fucking _eyes_ off of her. She goes to the counter to buy her ticket, and this dorky guy comes up behind her and starts mouthing off. I really watched then, 'cause if Dork made a move to touch her I was gonna rip him a new one." Kate laughed a little at that; Sawyer smiled and continued. "Then, all of a sudden, she bolted, and he grabbed her arm. I jumped up, 'cause like I said, I was gonna rip him. Then she cold-cocked him in the stones and punched him in the face." Kate was looking down, feeling guilty; Sawyer cupped her chin and lifted her eyes to his. "Let me tell you, Freckles, I was _impressed_. Dork threw her up against the counter, whipping out handcuffs. Well, I couldn't jump in if it was involving the law, you know, what with my own history, so I just watched them drag her out." He stopped, leaning in close to her; she suddenly didn't care if he knew about her. He was gazing at her, and he whispered, "You caught my eyes as they took you by me. I made a birthday wish right then." He grinned at her, dimples flashing.

"So," she whispered back, leaning her head against his, "What did you wish for?"

His hands stole up under her tank top; she loved the feel of his rough hands. "I wished that one day _I_ could be the one gettin' slugged by you." He chuckled. "Damn if it ain't come true twice." She laughed, and his hands slid higher, pushing her shirt up.

She stopped his hands, her face suddenly serious. "What would you change about it?" Her heart was still; she was almost scared to hear his answer.

He could see she was tense, he drew out the moment, teasing her just a little while he seemed to consider his answer. He sighed, finally, and hugged her close. "Well, Freckles, instead of watching them handcuff you and drag you away I'd slug that bastard in the face, grab you and head for the door."

Warmth spread throughout her body and she clung to him, trying to draw him even closer. "Then we both would be in jail." She shook her head against him. "I'm glad you didn't, Sawyer. There are some things that might have changed, but on the whole I'm glad we are where we are right now. I wouldn't change anything about that."

As she looked into his eyes he felt a wave of emotion so powerful it made him dizzy; his fingers dug into her skin and he leaned into her, kissing her with all of the feeling he could muster. "Me either."

-----

Eko had returned, telling them that Kate and Sawyer were fine and they would be back in the morning sometime. It was late, everyone was tired and the chance to sleep in a bed was too alluring to resist. Locke thought it might be a good idea to have a sentry posted just in case; everyone pulled a two hour shift so the others could sleep. In the morning, as soon as Kate and Sawyer came back they would be heading for the Shark Station; they could feel more and more pieces of the island's puzzle falling into place.

Ana took the first shift; she wanted to snag another beer while everyone was sleeping. She sat in the reference room, reading the paper that Locke had shown Jack earlier, _The Effects of Tessering on Organic Lifeforms_; the text was daunting, and her scientific knowledge was negligible, and after thirty minutes of slogging through it the only thing she had gotten from it was that 'tessering' could really mess you up. Whatever the hell tessering was.

Sighing, she set the paper down, rubbing her eyes. The second beer didn't taste as good; she hadn't eaten much and she was getting a headache.

"You got one of those for me?" She hadn't heard Jack come in. "Where did you find a beer?"

"There's a fridge in the kitchen. It was on, there was beer inside." She grinned up at him. "I did save you one."

"Uh-huh," he eyed her skeptically. "Sure you did. I just caught you before you could drink it."

She laughed, and unfolded from the chair she was in. She'd finally gotten around to washing her clothes in the sink so she was still in the shorts and t-shirt; Jack grinned, they really did look funny. She disappeared into the hall, returning a few minutes later with the last beer and a soda. She handed Jack the beer and she allowed his fingers to hold hers for just a second; that was all she could take. She pulled away, and curled back into the chair.

Jack held the beer for a second, gazing at it longingly. "How was it?" he asked, nodding towards her open one.

"It was the best damn beer I've ever had," she smiled. Jack chuckled, and popped the top, savoring the hiss of the carbonation.

He took a long sip, and sighing in satisfaction, he glanced at Ana, who was watching him with amusement. "You're right. This is the best beer ever." He smiled at her, and she lowered her eyes. "Don't think I was ignoring you today, Ana. I wasn't."

She looked up at him, grinning. "I know, Jack. It's okay."

He didn't know how to say what he wanted; his lack of speech frustrated him. "What happened today was great." He ducked his head, grinning a little. "More than great. Fantastic."

"Yeah," she agreed softly. "It was."

He hesitated; he felt a connection with Ana, he had since he met her. "I don't want us to be all about that," he said, slowly. "I think we can be more."

She nodded. "Maybe we can, Jack. But for right now why don't we just see where this takes us?" She touched his thigh, gently. "Don't look too far into the future. It never works out the way you imagine it."

He chuckled a little; that was a truth if he ever heard one. "Okay. Well, I just wanted to say goodnight, I need to sleep. We have a long walk ahead of us tomorrow, so you'd better get some too, as soon as you can." He drained the rest of the beer and tossed the can. "Thanks for the drink."

Ana smiled. "Well, now we're even." He hesitated, then bent and kissed her quickly; she smiled as he pulled away. "I'll be taking another shower in the morning," she offered, looking at him with raised eyebrows. "You know, if you feel a little dirty."

He laughed and shook his head. "Well, I guess we'll just see where it takes us, won't we?" He winked at her and disappeared into the hall.

Ana watched him go, staring at the door for a long while. Sighing, she popped the tab on the soda and turned her attention back to trying to make sense of the paper she was holding.


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter 33**  
Ana slept like a rock; the combination of a bed, the beer, the shower and the sex had put her out like a light; when she finally dragged her eyes open it was to Jack, shaking her gently. He looked apologetic. "Sorry I have to wake you up," he said, "But we're almost ready to go, we're just waiting on Kate and Sawyer." She blinked sleepily at him, and he smiled, glancing around the room to make sure they were alone. Satisfied that they were, he bent down and kissed her quickly. "You still have time to take a shower if you want."

She nodded and he left. She watched him go, then stretched and yawned, dragging herself up sitting on the edge of the bed. She had a slight hangover; what a wuss, she thought to herself. Two beers and I got a damn headache. She stood, stretching again; her clean clothes were draped over the railings of one of the beds; she felt them to see if they were dry. Nope, still a little damp. She hoped Sawyer and Kate took a while; she hated the feel of wet jeans.

Eyeing the bathroom, she grabbed her towel; everyone had used the others. She went in, turning the knobs and relishing the hiss of the water as it came on; she almost hated to leave this place with its creature comforts. The water warmed quickly and she adjusted the knobs until the temperature was as hot as she could stand it; the bathroom filled with steam.

She stayed under the water until it started to cool; shutting off the faucets she tried to swallow her disappointment. Jack hadn't come to her. A horrible thought crossed her mind; he was waiting for Kate. Ana's dislike of Kate grew, though it wasn't really her fault; she'd chosen Sawyer and to her Jack was just a friend. Jack knew it, Ana had seen it in his face, but he just couldn't let her _go_; she'd seen that in his face too. One romp in the shower with her wasn't gonna change that.

She drew on the shorts and the t-shirt with angry irritation; she really wanted to let her jeans dry as much as possible before she had to put them on. Towelling her hair dry with vigor, she cursed Kate and Jack with equal venom, and herself for good measure for even giving a crap in the first place. She wrapped her hair up with a hair tie, pulling it into a loose bun; it felt good to get it off her neck; as she came out of the bathroom she saw Kate and Sawyer looking around the bunk room with interest. They both looked over as she came out and Kate laughed as soon as she saw her clothes; Ana glared at her. Keep pushing me, Kitten, she thought to herself, then shook her head. She was really only pissed at Kate because of Jack, and truthfully _he_ was the one she should be mad at.

Sawyer leered at her legs; then he smirked at her outift. "Well, hello Disco Mama!" Kate snickered again, and Ana took them in, Kate's arm wrapped casually around his waist, his arm draped loosely over her shoulder, the _ease_ with which they stood together; suddenly Ana hated them both. Sawyer glanced down at Kate, and she gazed back up at him, smiling; he nodded towards Ana and said in a low voice, "All she's missin' is a glitter ball and some go-go boots." Kate snorted and buried her head in Sawyer's shoulder, laughing; he smiled at Ana, who snatched her still-wet clothes angrily off the bed and stormed back into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her.

Kate dissolved into giggles; Sawyer put his other arm around her and chuckled with along with her. Jack stuck his head in the door, looking around. "What was that?"

Saywer grinned at him, nodding towards the bathroom door. "I think we hurt her feelings." He didn't look sorry, Jack noted, and Kate's shoulders were still shaking silently with supressed giggles. He glanced at the bathroom door, and Sawyer caught his expression; a slow, wicked smile spread across his face. "Well, well, Doc. You and Butch have a little splish splash in the bath?" Kate stopped laughing abruptly and tensed; he felt it and it pissed him off.

Jack glared at him and kind of laughed unconvincingly; Sawyer would have been enjoying himself immensely if he wasn't so ticked off at Kate. "What's that supposed to mean, Sawyer?"

He shrugged; the fun had gone out of it now. Taking his arms away from Kate, he shrugged. "Nothin', Doc. Are we ready to go?"

Jack glared at him for a minute; then he glanced at Kate, who had turned around when Sawyer let her go. She was looking questioningly at him, and he glared at her too, briefly before turning away from them and walking down the hall.

Kate glanced up at Sawyer; she could tell he was pissed. "I guess that was a yes," she said, grinning at him; he glared at her too before turning and following Jack. Her shoulders sagging, she sighed and ran after him.

She caught up to him and grabbed his arm, he didn't look at her. "Don't, Kate," he snarled softly, pulling his arm away.

"What?" she asked, "What's wrong?" She knew perfectly well what was wrong, and she kicked herself for it; she didn't know why she still cared so much about what Jack did. She didn't, really, it was just like a reflex action, but she didn't think Sawyer would believe that even if she did tell him. She wasn't entirely sure she believed it.

He stopped and rolled his head around to face her, a look of disgust on his face. "Kate, every time I ask you what there is between you and him, you tell me 'nothing'. It's always nothing. But then something like _that_ happens," he pointed to the bunks, "and I have to wonder just how much something there is in that nothing."

Kate didn't know what to say. His eyes were searching hers, looking for something he apparently wasn't finding; she opened her mouth to speak, "Sawyer, I-" she stopped, feeling flustered at his searching eyes, like she was somehow disappointing him.

His gaze grew colder; she shivered under it. "You kissed him, right?" He grabbed her wrist, pulling her roughly against him, his eyes glaring. "What did you feel then?"

She couldn't look him in the eyes and her own weakness frustrated her; she jerked her wrist out of his hand and glared back at him. "Nothing."

She finally met his eyes; he didn't believe her. Rolling his eyes at her angrily he snapped, "Whatever, Kate." He spun around and headed for the door.

She didn't follow him right away; frustration was gnawing at her, making her angry. They never seemed to be able to move forward; something was always there to drag them back to square one.

Ana came up behind her, smirking; her voice was chilly. "So, how _was_ Jack's kiss?" She'd been standing behind them almost the whole time.

Kate turned and stared at her, then she smiled coldly. "I guess you'd know better than I would. How was the rest of him?"

Ana sneered at her, and leaned in close, holding Kate's eyes. "He was utterly friggin' fantastic." She smirked and sauntered past Kate, leaving her standing stunned in the hallway.

-----

The Research Center wasn't on the map, but Locke figured their general position by figuring the distance and direction from the drains; the Shark Station hatch was northwest of them, near the tip of the island. They wound their way through the jungle, skirting the outside of the fence; before leaving Jack had taken Kate aside and asked her if she still had the security badge; he thought they might need it later. Sawyer was glaring at them, and she averted her eyes; he had it. Jack shrugged, as long as they knew where it was. He hadn't looked at or spoken to her since.

Neither had Sawyer; she was trailing him and he walked stiffly, feeling her eyes on him. He wasn't _worried_ about Kate and Jack, she wasn't going to desert him for Jackass, he was sure. She loved him, and he loved her; they just couldn't seem to get around the bullsht. What pissed him off was her need to lie about it, to deny it. Hell, he wasn't blind; there had been something between Kate and Jack before he came into the picture; why did she feel like she had to cover it up? That was what worried him. After all the crap they'd been through together, why did she still need to lie?

Locke stopped, and held his hand up, shushhing everyone. They heard it too, barking in the distance. Michael's head shot up, he had been walking quietly next to Ana, thinking about Walt. He missed him so terribly; sometimes the feeling of loss took his breath away. "Vincent!" He took off running towards the barking.

Jack called after him, "Michael, wait!" He kept running; it was no coincidence that he had been thinking about Walt and Vincent started barking.

He burst into a clearing and skidded to a halt; a huge airplane was lying broken in half on the ground, covered in vines and undergrowth. Vincent was sitting in front of it, toungue hanging out happily, looking very pleased with himself. Still gaping at the plane, Michael patted his legs and Vincent trotted to him, slobber dripping from his lolling tongue.

Dropping to his knees, Michael pulled his eyes away from the plane and started looking Vincent over; Locke said he had been hurt badly. There wasn't a scratch on him; Michael inspected every inch, lifting his fur, checking his belly. Nothing. He looked him in the eyes, and Vincent grinned at him, licking his face happily.

The others came bursting into the clearing; they all stopped, shocked at the broken plane. Jack glanced at Michael, "You okay?" Michael nodded, ruffling Vincen't fur, smiling.

Locke came over to Vincent, looking at him warily. "How is he?"

Michael smiled. "Not a scratch. Must have been the cat's blood you saw on him."

Locke was gazing curiously at Vincent, shaking his head. "No, Michael. I _saw_ the cat tear open his shoulder." He leaned down and ran his hands over Vincent's legs. Not a scar. Not even a bump. What the hell was going on? He held Vincent's face in his hands and looked into his eyes. "Where did you go, buddy?"

Vincent panted happily for a second, returning Locke's stare. He barked happily and pulled away, bounding around everyone with abandon. He jumped up against Sawyer, who was staring aghast at the plane; he reached down and scratched the dog's fuzzy ears and Kate smiled as he knelt down and hugged the dog around the neck.

Jack, Ana and Eko were inspecting the plane; it was huge, like a military cargo plane; the cockpit was crushed and accordioned, but the fuselage was relatively intact except for being broken cleanly off from the front half.

It was really old, at least twenty five years, Jack thought. It was rusted through in spots; looking through a large hole he could see a steel seats bolted onto the floor; there were also large cages. And chains on the floor. What the hell kind of a plane was this? Maybe it crashed bringing some animals in, he thought. He eyed the chains on the floor, shaking his head. Animals didn't wear handcuffs.

Eko cleared some vines away from the side of it; his eyes widened and he called to Jack. Jack came over and read the writing on the rusting skin of the plane; he looked at Eko and frowned. "That doesn't sound very good."


	34. Chapter 34

**Chapter 34**  
Jack read the words stenciled on the side of the plane. He glanced at Kate, who was watching Sawyer let Vincent jump all over him and lick his hands. Locke stepped up and read it, also glancing at Kate. She noticed them both looking at her and walked over, trying to look around Jack. "What?" Jack hesitated and stepped aside to let her read it. She shrugged, but Jack could see her pale just a little as her eyes scanned the words:

**United States Marshals  
Prisoner Transport Division  
_481-516-234-2_**

She pushed down the pang of guilt and glanced up at Jack; he was looking at her with a little pity and concern. "You okay?"

She shrugged again, "Why wouldn't I be?" She noticed Sawyer glaring up at her and Jack, his eyes narrowing; he stood abruptly and stalked off into the woods. Eko watched him go, then glanced at Kate, who hadn't moved. She was sick of him right now; his damn stupid insecurity and attitude. Eko came up to her swiftly, concern in his eyes. He spoke to her in a low voice, drawing her away so none of the others would hear him. "Katherine, you must go after him. Do not let him out of your sight, do you understand?" She looked rebellious and he sighed, gently taking her arm, shocking her slightly. "I know he is difficult but you must not let him away from you. Trust me."

She sighed and nodded, "Yeah. Okay." She glanced back at Jack; he was staring at them suspiciously, and Kate noted with a little satisfaction that Ana was glaring at Jack. She smiled at Eko once more and took off behind Sawyer.

Jack watched her go, shaking his head. He threw a questioning glance at Eko but he just smiled serenely and returned to examining the shell of the plane.

Vincent stared after Kate, panting and grinning; he ran to Michael and jumped up, putting his paws on his chest and barking. Licking Michael's face, he barked again, then ran into the jungle after Kate and Sawyer. "Vincent!" Michael called, "Vincent!" He shook his head. Damn dog.

Jack walked around the cockpit to the split in the fuselage. Jungle overgrowth choked the entrance; he started pulling vines and roots down from the upper part of the plane; one snagged and he gave a hard tug. It gave and came tumbling down, bringing a rotted skeleton with it. There were handcuffs on its bony wrists and shackles peeped through his rotted pants; his skull was caved in, leaving a gaping hole where his face would have been. Jack crouched down to inspect the gruesome corpse; as he touched the chest a snake slithered out of the cavity in its skull and Jack jumped back in surprise, his heart thudding crazily.

Locke squatted down and felt over the body; he looked up at Jack. "He was a prisoner, there's nothing on him." He glanced over at Jack and muttered quietly, "Do you think he died in the crash? Or some Other way?"

Jack didn't miss the inflection; he sighed and shrugged. "Honestly, John, I couldn't tell you that for sure. The plane crash could definitely could have caused that kind of injury, but then again, so could a club to the face." His heart had slowed a little; looking at the body once more he stepped over it, climbing into the hole he'd opened in the foliage. John paused, then followed him, looking sorrowfully at the body as he quietly walked around it.

It was gloomy inside; there were no windows and the vines covered the entrance, keeping out the light. The only illumination came from the various rust holes in the body; they let in criss-crossing beams of sunlight that glittered with the dust their feet kicked up. Jack glanced around quickly; the cages and the steel seats made sense, as did the chains on the floor. There wasn't much to see; it was pretty bare. He moved more towards the rear of the plane; it was darker and he cursed himself again for giving Kate his flashlight.

One flicked on next to him and he turned, startled; Ana had hers held out to him, but she wasn't smiling. "Here." She thrust the flashlight at him and he took it, touching her fingers; she jerked away with a glare. Looking confused, Jack turned back to the rear of the plane, shining the flashlight around in a broad arc. A large crate caught his eye and he walked to it, lighting up the sides- he felt a little queasy. The crate was open and empty; stenciled on the side was _PROPERTY OF US MARSHALS- ARMS AND AMMUNITION_. He groaned a little as he noticed two similar crates; they all said the same thing and they were all empty. Great. Someone on the island had taken three crates of guns and ammunition.

The beam of light swung around the fuselage; there wasn't much else to see. The cockpit was impossible to get into as it had been accordioned into the ground; they wouldn't even be able to get into it and any equipment would have been crushed into garbage anway. Jack sighed. No answers here. Something glittered in the beam of his flashlight; he bent down to inspect it. Holding it in his hands he stared at it curiously; it was a flat steel band the size of a bracelet and it looked like it had been sawed off. He turned it over and looked at the inside of the band. There were two half-inch spikes sticking out of it; anyone who wore this would be in a lot of pain. He shone the beam on the outer edges and he could just make out words stamped into it but they were too faint to read. He stuck it in his pocket and kept looking.

There was nothing else to find; they all exited the plane and stood in the clearing. Sawyer and Kate hadn't come back and Jack was tempted to leave them behind; he was tired of waiting on them to resolve their little spats. He glanced at the sky, frowning; they had gotten a late start, thanks again to Kate and Sawyer, and they had been in the jungle a good while. "Locke, do you think we should camp here?"

Locke shrugged, also glancing at the sky. "I suppose. It'll be dark soon, Kate and Sawyer haven't come back; probably best that we stay here."

Jack sighed and nodded at the jungle. "I hope they come back soon."

-----

Kate didn't catch up to Sawyer; she hung back, just keeping him in her sights. She was still irritated with him and didn't really want to talk; he overreacted to everything and she was tired of defending herself every five seconds.

She followed him silently for about a mile; he didn't seem to be headed in any particular direction or with any speed; he just wandered aimlessly, his head down, eyes on the ground. She suddenly felt a little guilty, though she didn't know why. Vincent came tearing up behind her, making her gasp in surprise and Sawyer spun around, glaring when he saw her. "What the hell are you doin' here, Freckles? Jackass done with you for today?" He smirked at her. "Or did Ana give you the boot?"

Kate flared. "I was worried about you, you ass."

He laughed at her bitterly. "I don't need you to worry about me, Sweetcheeks. Besides, ain't your plate a little full with worryin' about Jacko's shower habits?" He smirked nastily at her. "Hell, I'm honored that you can even squeeze me in." He turned his attention to Vincent, who was jumping up and putting his paws on Sawyer's chest. Sawyer scratched his ears, then, without looking at Kate, kept walking, Vincent bounding along behind him.

For an instant she considered just turning around and going back; let him do whatever he wanted. She was _tired_; the strain of the last few days and the lack of sleep (though she grinned at that) was taking its toll. She didn't have the energy to deal with him; to get stung over and over again. Vincent stopped, turning to look at her. Seeming impatient with her indecision, he came trotting back to her, grinning and tongue lolling. He stopped in front of her and sat, gazing into her eyes; she smiled and he sat up on his hind legs, whining and begging. He stayed in that position for almost a minute; his doggy eyes held hers as he whimpered; finally he dropped and nosed at her hand. She smiled at him, and when he took off into the woods after Sawyer, she followed.

They walked silently for a while; Sawyer in front, Kate tailing him silently and Vincent in between, running back and forth nosing and licking each one in turn.

Sawyer was kicking himself; why did he always make things spiral out of control? He wasn't even that mad at Kate; hell, he was _glad_ that she came after him. Why couldn't he just say it? How could he be angry at her for holding back when he was doing the same thing? He knew she didn't love Jack, at least not in a way that would threaten him; so why did it drive him bugsht when she did stupid little things like that? He sighed, kicking at the ground in frustration; now he knew why he never fell in love before; it was too damn much work.

"Sawyer," Kate finally spoke behind him; it was getting dark and they would never make it back before night fell. "We have to make camp."

He wanted to go to her and hold her, forgetting everything that had gone wrong. He could see himself doing it; he could _visualize_ it, but his brain didn't cooperate, instead he called back over his shoulder as he kept walking, "You go ahead, Sweetcheeks. I'm ain't done walkin'."

Vincent ran around in front of Sawyer and faced him, growling. He tried to step around him, but Vincent moved with him, growling louder; he snapped, "Move it, Fido," but the dog didn't budge from his spot blocking Sawyer. Sawyer's shoulders slumped and he glanced over his shoulder at Kate; she was standing with her arms crossed, beaming at the dog, who stopped growling long enough to wag his tail at her. Sawyer shrugged, the absurdity of the situation wiping away most of his anger. "Okay. I guess we're making camp." He stared curiously at Vincent for a minute; his growling had stopped and he was smiling at Sawyer, tongue out, tail wagging frantically. "What's with you, dog?" He asked softly, scratching Vincent's ears.

Kate watched them, her heart twisting as he talked to the dog; finally she cleared her throat. "I'm gonna go get us some food, can you start a fire?"

He didn't look up from Vincent; he just said, "Yeah. Go ahead." Vincent broke their contact, bouncing over to Kate and jumping in joyful bounds. Sawyer's eyes followed the dog to Kate; they fell on her and stayed, lingering on her as she stared back at him, her breath stopping in her chest as his eyes met hers and locked in. Hours passed, or it could have been minutes; neither one of them knew because time froze for them as they gazed at each other.

Vincent sat between them, his head turning from Sawyer to Kate then back to Sawyer. He lay down, putting his head on his paws and closing his eyes as if his job was done and he just wanted a little sleep. Kate saw him out of the corner of her eye; she chuckled a little, breaking the spell that had them frozen in place; Sawyer crossed the clearing and grabbed her to him, burying his face in her hair. She clutched him to her, sighing as his arms pressed her tightly against his chest.

She finally pulled away, hating it; she wanted to stay there forever, feeling his hard body against hers. He protested, but she held him off, sighing. "I need to get us something to eat before it gets too dark. Will you start a fire?"

He grinned at her. "That's what I was tryin' to do, darlin'." Everything from earlier was forgotten; they were in the now, and that was in the then.

Rolling her eyes at him she disappeared into the woods; he got to work breaking up brush to start the fire with. Vincent was still lying with his eyes closed; Sawyer watched him for a minute, smiling, he could almost swear the damn dog looked _satisfied_.

Kate was back quickly, she had grabbed the fruit in a hurry, not wanting to leave him alone long. She stopped just before she came back into the clearing; Sawyer had his shirt off, breaking up brush; he already had a fire going and the light from it flickered on his sweaty skin as he cracked the sticks and branches. The light was waning and Kate stood watching him for a few minutes; the smooth glide of his muscles under his skin as he moved, the shine of the firelight on him. She shuddered with a little dread; the glow from the flames made him look briefly as if he were burning. She stepped out of the shadows to clear her mind of that vision.

He stopped, wiping his hand across his sweaty forehead and smiled at her; her stomach flipped. Coming to her he kissed her softly; she could taste the sweat on his lips and it made her crazy with sudden desire. She pulled away, and handed him a mango; she was getting really tired of this fruit. He looked at the fruit, and then to her; he looked like he'd been cheated.

Kate laughed at him, then sat by the fire, cutting a slice off of her mango and eating it. Sawyer plopped down beside her, still eyeing the fruit with disgust. He was tired of fruit too. Kate handed him the knife and he sliced off a piece, but he didn't eat it, instead he handed it out to Vincent, who sniffed it, then wagged his tail, looking at Sawyer. "Go on, eat it." Vincent grabbed it from Sawyer's hand and raced off into the jungle. "Ingrate!" Sawyer called after him, "A thank you would have been nice!"

He turned back to Kate and she held out a slice of hers, laughing. He chuckled back and leaned over and kissed her; her lips tasted like mango juice. He caught her hand, the one holding the fruit, and looking into her eyes, he raised it to his mouth and ate the slice of fruit from her fingers, tasting them gently as he did.

She shivered a little and he dropped her hand, moving his lips to hers. Her hands grasped his shoulders, pulling him down onto her; he complied, pressing her gently to the ground, his hand behind her head, holding her mouth to his.

There was a rustle in the bushes and they both jerked up; but it was just Vincent; he had something in his mouth and he trotted to Sawyer, dropping it at his feet. Sawyer picked it up, staring. It was a squirrel-like creature, but larger, about the size of a rabbit; Sawyer just stared as Vincent sat in front of him, looking very pleased with himself.

Kate smiled and picked it up, looking at Vincent in wonder. "I think you have a new friend, Sawyer," she said. "He just brought you dinner."

Sawyer gazed at the dog as Kate carried the creature away to clean it. Shaking his head, he scratched Vincent under his chin as he wagged his tail happily. Ten minutes later Kate had it stuck over the fire; the smell of roasting meat tickled their noses. Vincent was sleeping again, his head propped up on his paws; Sawyer scratched him absently as Kate cooked, enjoying the comfortable silence.

Suddenly Vincent sat up, snarling at the dark jungle. His hackles were raised and his growling was different than it had been with Sawyer; this growl was low and guttural, feral and vicious. Kate and Sawyer both jumped to their feet, trying to see into the darkness; a blanket fell over the world and everything was muffled and suffocating. The bushes rustled again, and this time a man stepped out into the light, keeping his face in shadow. Vincent started to rush at him, but Sawyer grabbed his collar, holding him back; the man laughed and Sawyer tensed; he knew that laugh.

"Well, hello, Ford. Nice to meet you. Again."


	35. Chapter 35

**Chapter 35**  
Sawyer automatically reached for his gun; his fingers closed on nothing and he remembered that Kate had his gun. He snarled at the man in the shadows. "I'm gonna kill you, you son-of-a-bitch."

The man laughed, harshly, cackling. "Maybe so Ford, but not tonight." He nodded at Kate, who was staring openmouthed at them. "I don't believe we've met." A dirty hand extended into the light; Kate eyed it with revulsion and Sawyer stepped in between them.

"Don't you talk to her." His voice was shaking with rage and- fear. Kate laid her hand on his back, trying to lend him strength.

The man withdrew his hand, cackling again. "Now, Ford, there's no reason for such hostility. Hell, you and me are practically like _family_. I just want to introduce myself to the new missus." He bowed low, his face sweeping in and out of the firelight. "Frank-"

"I know who you are," Kate said coldly, pulling the gun from her waistband and pointing it at him. She couldn't bear to look at Sawyer; she was afraid to; she could feel the pain and fear and hate radiating from him as he stared at the man who ruined his life. She hated that man with a hatred like she'd never felt, not even for Wayne. Her finger tightened on the trigger. "I'm going to kill you." Her voice was icy; Sawyer's eyes flicked to her and he shook his head. reluctantly she relaxed her grip a little.

"Listen to your boyfriend, there, Missy. You didn't think I'd come alone, did you?" A dozen torches flared up in the darkness and Vincent started growling again, pulling against Sawyer's restraining hand.

Scowling, Kate stuck the gun back in her jeans, looking apologetically at Sawyer. He flashed her a smile; at least she tried, and that meant more to him than anything. He turned his attention back to Frank, glaring helplessly at him; his hands itched to get around his throat and strangle the life out of him. "I have something to read to you. Later."

Frank chuckled derisively. "Yeah, Ford, I know all about your letter. 'Dear Mr. Sawyer'," he mimicked, " 'You don't know who I am. You killed my mommy and daddy. Boo-hoo.'" He cackled again harshly, and Kate wanted to cry; she could feel Sawyer shaking and struggling to keep his control and she knew that the only reason he hadn't rushed Frank was _her_. I'm supposed to protect you, she thought, this is all wrong! "I didn't kill your parents, you silly boy, your daddy did. He was a weak-minded fool who couldn't give your mama what she needed." He craned his head to see Kate. "That's what you got in store, Missy!" He cackled harshly again.

Kate clutched onto the back of Sawyer's pants; she could feel him about to spring. Sobs wracked him but he didn't make a sound; his body convulsed with the effort to control himself and Kate cursed her inability to do anything for him. Cold fury took her and she stepped out from behind Sawyer and stared at Frank murderously. "What the fck do you want?"

He eyed her appreciatively, nodding at Sawyer. "She's feisty. I always liked 'em with a little spirit myself. Your mama was a challenge; she loved your daddy you know. I had to work her hard."

Kate stepped in between him and Sawyer, praying that her body would be enough to keep Sawyer from doing something crazy. She could feel the _fire_ burning in him, and she remembered with a pang the vision of him in flames; glaring at the man in the shadows she snapped, "Are you here for a reason?"

Sighing as if she was ruining his fun, he said, "Not really. We were just passing by and I couldn't resist dropping by and seeing my old buddy Ford." Sawyer was trembling so hard Kate could feel him even though she was inches away; the air was shivering around them. She hoped he didn't faint before she could get rid of this nightmare. "Remember the time your mama and I took you to get ice cream? You called me Uncle Frank and man, that really touched my heart. Good times, Ford, good times." His voice ended in a hiss and Kate felt sick. Sawyer was shaking so hard behind her the ground was vibrating beneath her feet. She knew he couldn't restrain himself much longer; she was shocked that he had lasted this long and she backed up into him to help support him. His free hand found hers; the other still had a grip on Vincent.

"Well, I am sure 'Ford' enjoyed your little visit. So thanks, goodbye." Kate glared at him; he sniggered and bowed again.

"Thanks for your hospitality, young lady." His hand reached out of the shadow and took Kate's; she gasped at the feeling of his touch- it was like biting on tinfoil.

Sawyer's hand grasped Frank's arm, jerking it away from Kate; he snarled with barely contained fury, "If you ever fucking touch her again I'll make what you did to me look like a paper cut." The unpleasant senation ran up his arm making it tingle but he didn't let go. "You and me ain't done, _Sawyer_. We'll meet again, and when we do it's lights out for you." He released his arm and Frank smirked, still half in the shadows.

"I'm lookin' forward to it Ford." He started to melt into the shadows. "Oh, and We're coming for Michael. Walt wants him. So be prepared." With one final cackling laugh he disappeared into the jungle, the torches going out with him.

Kate turned to Sawyer and hugged him tight as he heaved, sobbing against her. They sank onto the ground, arms wrapped around each other; Sawyer clung to her, his fists in her hair, she could feel him still shaking against her. "It's okay, baby," she murmured against him, "It's okay." They stayed like that for a long time; Kate murmured to him, soothing him and his shaking convulsions finally slowed and stopped. But he didn't move away from her.

The fire burned low, their forgotten meal burning to crisp in the embers. Vincent lay quietly next to them, his head on his paws; his brown doggy eyes remained open, watching the night for them.

-----

Eko and Locke sat apart from each other, the electric sparks flying between them. They had not done this for a while; it felt good. Locke felt as if he were getting back in touch with the island; he felt invigorated.

Eko had his arms out, smiling up into the darkened canopy. He sighed a little, and the sparks pulsing around them paled just a hair. "John, you know that we will be separated soon."

Locke smiled, feeling the island whispering to him. "Yes. I know."

Eko lowered his arms and a few sparks died out. He glanced at the sleeping bodies of Jack, Michael and Ana. "Do you know why?"

Locke shook his head, smiling. "Nope. It hasn't told me that yet."

Eko shook his head, whispering urgently. "I don't like it, Locke. Why would we divide our forces?"

John lowered his arms; all of the sparks faded out and died. "Eko, this island has not led us wrong yet. Everything it does is for a reason, everything we do is for a reason. If we have to separate, then that is what we are meant to do." He lifted his arms up again, but the mood was broken and he dropped them in irritation.

Shaking his head, Eko looked sadly at Locke. "What if the island's reasons differ from ours? Are we just a means to its end?"

Locke shrugged. "The end is always the same, Eko. The means don't really matter."

Eko dropped his eyes to the dying fire. "I hope you are wrong, John." He reclined on the springy jungle floor, closing his eyes. "I like to think that I matter. That we all matter, in the end."


	36. Chapter 36

**Chapter 35**

Ana woke early; she had slept a lot the day before and she was full of energy. But it wasn't excess energy that woke her; she sat up to see Eko and Vincent disappearing into the jungle.

She glanced around; the grey dawn was just filtering through the canopy dappling the damp, dewy ground and she rubbed her neck, ruefully, thinking about the beds they'd left behind at the research center. And the shower. She smiled, glancing over at Jack, who was sleeping on the other side of Michael; the sleeping arrangements had been her call and since she had still been pissed at Jack she waited until he settled in to plop down next to Mike, glaring at Jack as she did.

She grimaced, remembering his look of hurt and confusion; did he really not know how seeing him with Kate made her feel? No, probably not, she thought to herself, and anyway, if he did, why would he care? She felt a sudden stab of empathy for Sawyer; it was pretty apparent that he didn't like Kate being around Jack and she seemed to have the same regard for his opinion that Jack had for hers. The difference was that Sawyer loved Kate, and vice versa; she had no claim on Jack other than a quickie in the shower.

But Jack had said he thought there could be more between them, hadn't he? Yeah, genius, she chastised herself, and you blew it off. She kicked herself silently, wishing she knew how to keep her big mouth shut sometimes; Jack stirred and opened his eyes, stretching and sitting up.

He caught her looking at him and he smiled, wondering if she was still angry. Sometimes he just didn't _get_ women; he wasn't sure what he did to piss her off but he suspected it had something to do with Kate. What am I supposed to do, he wondered to himself, never speak to Kate again? Even if that was feasible he wouldn't do it, Kate was his friend; well, more than a friend, if he had to be honest with himself. But even if he did feel something for her- and he _did_ feel a little, as long as honesty was on the table- he knew that nothing would ever come of it; she belonged to Sawyer, body, heart and soul.

He liked Ana, a lot. More than he was ready to admit because it frightened him a little; after Kate he didn't want to feel anything for a while, he needed to give himself some space to let her fade. Ana kept popping into his head, though, and it was almost automatic; the feelings he had for Kate were slowly beginning to shift to her instead. Kate was out of his grasp, but Ana was falling into her place almost without a hitch; he wasn't too sure that was the best way for things to go. He thought about her climaxing against him in the shower, and suddenly he didn't really care.

Locke came into the clearing, carrying some water bottles; he glanced at Jack and Ana, who still hadn't spoken, and Michael, who was sitting up, yawning. He held up a bottle, "There's a stream about a half-mile through there," he gestured in the direction he'd come, "You might want to fill your bottles; we have a trek ahead of us." He scanned the clearing. "Kate and Sawyer not back?"

Ana had jumped to her feet at the mention of getting water; already she had her pack on, ready to go. She held out her hand to Michael, saying, "Give me your bottles, Mike. I'll fill them for you." She didn't ask Jack for his; he wondered if that was an invitation or an insult.

Michael handed her a couple of bottles and she slid them into her pack, strolling off into the woods. She stopped at tree line and glanced over her shoulder at Jack; he was watching her and when she turned back to him a slow smile spread across his face. Invitation. Definitely. All of his caution and concern was forgotten as he opened his backpack and took out his own bottles.

-----

Neither one of them had slept much; after his shaking had subsided he had turned to her with violent passion, taking out his frustration and pain on her willing body. He'd hurt her, a little, but she didn't care; anything for him. Her release had been as violent as their lovemaking; afterwards they had clutched each other silently, trembling together with the force of their emotions.

Sawyer had dozed a little, but fitfully; he mumbled in his sleep and jerked awake and Kate was there to hold him and caress him; he was a little sorry because he knew he'd hurt her, but the restraint he'd kept with Frank had broken at her touch and he couldn't stop himself. But she'd met him, body to body, taking his punishment willingly and the wonder of her had driven him harder until she cried out in pleasure and a little pain sending him savagely over the egde after her.

He'd been ashamed to look at her after; he didn't want to see the hurt in her eyes but she drew him to her, their sweaty skin slicking together; she kissed him, slowly and with such feeling that Sawyer could feel that black hole opening up under his feet, threatening to suck him in and he almost let it because Kate was there, waiting for him. He pulled away from her, laying his head on her chest, feeling her heart beating against his ear; he wasn't ready to take that leap yet. Frank was still out there and he couldn't let that go, especially not now.

The sun had already crept over the trees and Kate opened her eyes; her back was pressed to Sawyer and he had his arms wrapped firmly around her, his hands splayed gently across her stomach. She rolled over to face him and his arms constricted as he woke with a start, clutching her to him as if he was afraid she would disappear.

"Hey, Tex," she whispered, touching his lips with her fingertips. "You okay?"

He looked away from her, still ashamed of his rough treatment. "Yeah. You?" She nodded and he swallowed hard, still not looking at her. "I'm sorry."

She smiled at him though he couldn't see it. "I think that's the first time I've ever heard you say that," she teased him gently, willing him to look at her. "Don't be sorry, Sawyer. I doesn't suit you."

He looked at her then, his heart swelling. He kissed her, gently, murmuring against her lips. "Kate...Kate, what have you done to me?"

She kissed him back, his words ringing in her ears. I just loved you, she started to whisper to him, but the words stuck in her throat, she couldn't choke them out. She didn't say anything.

Barking rang out through the trees; they both sat up, startled since neither of them had even noticed that Vincent was gone. He came bursting through the bushes and he leapt happily on Sawyer, licking him and wagging his tail; Sawyer laughed despite himself and wiped the doggy slobber from his face, pushing the wiggling dog off of him. He grinned sheepishly at Kate, she was laughing and scratching Vincent's ears as he wormed his way onto her lap, squirming with the joy only dogs have.

Eko came through the bushes, looking worried; his eyes fell on the three of them, laughing and playing on the ground and he relaxed a little, smiling. They were alright.

Sawyer noticed him and he smiled. "Hey Ed!" The pain and shame of the past hours were pushed aside; Kate had forgiven him and that was all that mattered; Frank would have to be dealt with later. The day was suddenly very bright. Sawyer motioned to the heap of wiggling dog Kate was scratching furiously, making one of his legs spasm as she laughed and scratched harder. "Care to join in the dog pile?"

Eko smiled widely, relief flooding him. "Perhaps some other time." He came over and squatted next to Sawyer. He hated to ask, now, seeing how happy they were, but it was important that he know what had happened. "James," he said, quietly, putting his hand gently on Sawyer's shoulder, "I need you to tell me what happened."

Kate froze and Sawyer looked away. The sunshine went out of the day; he could feel the clouds rolling in. Vincent shoved his nose under Kate's hand trying to get her back into the game, but she stared at Sawyer with fear in her eyes as he looked away from her. "Nothin' happened, Ed. We just had a little visit from an old friend." his voice had suddenly turned venomous and cold.

Eko sighed, leaning back a little on his haunches. James needed to know, but he wasn't ready; Eko tried to find the right words. Kate was staring at him, angrily, why had he come here and disturbed the little bit of peace they had been able to finally find for themselves? Eko sat down wearily, and he looked at Sawyer. "James, I know that this is hard for you, but I want you to listen carefully. He was sent here last night to try to draw you out, to make you go after him." He leaned in closely. "You must not do so, James. It would be disastrous. For you both." He nodded to Kate, and Sawyer's rebellious look faded. If it involved Kate it was different. Seeing the look of compliance on Sawyer's face, Eko nodded to himself; as always, Kate was all the motivation he needed. "I am sorry, James. But believe me, _your time will come_. You just need to be patient a little longer." He stood, smiling at them again. "I think it would be best if you returned to camp. I believe everyone is almost ready to go." He walked to the edge of the clearing, glancing back at Sawyer and grinning. "Joy is fleeting, James. I am glad to see you have caught some in your hands." He disappeared into the trees, leaving Kate and Sawyer stunned behind him.

Sawyer sighed and smiled, reaching over a happily panting Vincent to kiss Kate. "You know, I like Ed, but sometimes he has really shitty timing." He stood, groaning and Kate joined him, brushing off the seat of her pants. "Want me to do that for ya, sweetheart?"

Kate rolled her eyes at him; sometimes she was afraid her eyes were going to roll right out of their sockets. "No, Cowboy, I think I can handle it." He leered at her, flashing his dimples and she rolled her eyes again. "Good God, Sawyer, give it a rest!" Her voice was irritated but she giggled a little underneath it.

He pulled her close, hugging her, his hands entwined in her hair; as his breath caressed her neck and she felt chills raise on her arms. He wouldn't let her go; she could feel tiny spasms rocket through him, and she wished with all of her might that Frank Sawyer was standing in front of her so she could beat him into a bloody, screaming puddle of flesh. Holding Sawyer tight, she stroked his hair, murmuring into his ear; he finally released her, looking a liitle sheepish. She smiled and took his hand and picking up both packs Sawyer joined her as Vincent gamboled around them, happily.

-----

Ana was waiting by the creek, leaning against a large, flat rock, the bottles lying on the ground next to the water. She hoped he would come; a smile crossed her face as he burst, panting and sweaty into the clearing. He glanced at her leaning against the boulder and the bottles tossed carelessly on the ground and he smiled. "You know, you have to actually _put_ the water in the bottles; it won't do it on its own."

Ana grinned and stood, eyeing Jack hungrily. "I didn't really come here for the water, Jack."

He dropped his pack and went to her, swiftly, kissing her ravenously. She returned it, leaning into him and reaching for the button on his pants; he pulled her tank top over her head and dropped it on the ground as he backed her up against the rock, bending her backwards until she was lying against it. His mouth left hers and traveled slowly lower, she moaned a little and his mouth was back on hers again, feeling her groaning against his lips. She pushed against him, using him for leverage to scoot herself higher up onto the rock; Jack unbuttoned her jeans and she lifted her hips to allow him to pull them off. He caught her under her rump, holding her stomach up to him he kissed it, glancing up at her as his lips moved lower; she groaned and rolled her eyes up to the sky as it dissolved into exploding fireworks.


	37. Chapter 37

**Chapter 36**  
Kate and Sawyer returned to the glade to find Locke, Eko and Michael standing restlessly ; Locke kept staring into the jungle. Noting the absence of Jack and Ana, Kate felt a little uneasy; she tried to hide it from Sawyer by inspecting the plane, though that didn't help with the case of nerves she had. She kept expecting a Marshal to pop out and grab her; it was silly, she knew, but four years of running had honed her flight instinct, and even though it had declined a little since coming to the island she was still jumpy and agitated.

She didn't dare ask about Jack in front of Sawyer; he was already moody enough, though at the moment it was a good mood. It was fragile, though, so she kept her curiosity to herself, figuring she probably didn't want to know anyway; she jumped at every rattle in the bushes, expecting to see the two of them coming out together. Damn it, she thought, what the hell do I care? I _don't_ care.

She was standing in between the two halves of the plane, looking into the fuselage, deliberately ignoring the rotted body next to her feet. "Did you find anything in here, Locke?"

Locke stood and joined her, pulling aside a few lingering vines. "Nah, just a couple of empty crates."

She turned around and looked at the cockpit, and started pulling down some of the foliage that choked the entrance. "I guess you guys didn't look in here, huh?" There was a small hole in the center of the wreckage and she peered into it, trying to see into the gloom. "I think it opens up through here, Locke," she said and she slipped off her pack.

"Kate, what are you doing?" Locke asked, shaking his head. "You can't get through that." He eyed the opening with dismay. "It's too dangerous, there's probably nothing in there. Don't-" He sighed as she ignored him and slid her head and shoulders into the jagged hole, wriggling a little to avoid the sharp, rusted edges of the wreckage. There was definitely a space ahead; she wriggled a little farther, trying to get leverage without cutting herself or shifting the pile of debris she was in.

Playing with Vincent, Sawyer didn't see her at first; he glanced up to look for her and saw her feet disappearing into the smashed in cockpit. He shook his head in exasperation; she always had to be _into_ something, she was like a damn kid. He contemplated briefly the possibilities of giving her a spanking, grinning to himself; he sighed and went up to the plane, poking his head in after her receding feet he called out, "Honey, there are easier ways to get into first class." Her reply was muffled; he couldn't make out what she said. "What?" Suddenly she disappeared; his heart skipped a beat as she popped back up, crouching and looking back through the hole at him.

"I said, 'Not if I've got you with me'." She smiled at him, and he shot her a look of disgust. "There's a space here, big enough for me to crawl around. I'm gonna take a look."

He tilted his head at her, apprehensively. "Be careful. I'll be right here."

She smiled at him again, sweetly. "Okay." Her head disappeared again, and Sawyer felt that same helplessness he'd felt at the cliffs; he couldn't _see_ her and he stared so hard at the space where she had been his eyes began to hurt.

The space wasn't large; about the size of a jail cell, Kate thought ironically. She'd been in enough of them to know. It was littered with debris, pieces of the plane, paper, something that looked suspiciously like a _hand_ that was possibly still attatched to a body; she didn't check that out. Sighing, disappointed, she ruffled idly through some papers that were scattered across the floor; one caught her eye and she picked it up carefully, it was old and brittle and threatened to disintegrate. Scanning it quickly, she realized it was some sort of manifest, a list of all of the prisoners that were being transported. She scanned some of the names and at number sixteen she closed her eyes, feeling slightly sick; folding the paper carefully she stuck it in her pocket and took a deep breath to push away the feeling of nausea.

Her head finally popped back up in the hole and Sawyer felt his legs go weak with relief. "About time, Freckles. I was gettin' ready to come in after you."

She didn't look at him or answer, she just hoisted herself back into the opening and began to wriggle her way out. She was distracted by her find so she wasn't being so careful this time, and she raised her shoulder up a little too high, catching the back of it on a jagged piece of plastic that was sticking out. She grunted a little and Sawyer glanced at her sharply; as she moved forward he could see blood dripping from the plastic shard. "Shit. Kate, are you okay?" She was about a foot away from him, and he could see her grimace in pain as she inched forward.

She grunted again. "Yeah." He reached in and took her hand, helping her edge her way out; he grabbed her under her arms and pulled her the rest of the way, setting her down gently his eyes immediately went to her back and he closed his eyes. It was a gash about two inches long and deep; Sawyer could see bone between the gaping edges. He turned his head aside; it sickened him to see her hurt that badly.

Scanning the glade desperately he noticed that Jack and Ana still weren't back yet; damn Doc, couldn't you find a better time to take a ride in her cop car? "Is it bad?" Kate's voice was tiny; she sounded scared.

Sawyer smiled, swallowing his own fear. "Nah. It's fine. Some cleanin' and a band-aid and you'll be fine."

She smiled at him through the pain; she couldn't move her arm at all. "You're lying, Sawyer. I can always tell."

"Well, I ain't lyin' this time." His eyes caught Jack coming out of the jungle, smiling; Sawyer rolled his eyes to himself as Ana came out behind him, grinning like the damn Cheshire Cat. He called out, "Jack! Kate's hurt!"

Jack's smile vanished as he hurried over; Sawyer noticed that Ana's smile disappeared too. "What happened?" He moved behind Kate, eyeing the wound with dread; it was deep, into the muscle. He spoke to Kate. "Can you move your arm?"

She shook her head, allowing fear to inch its way in a little more; seeing her scared eyes Sawyer moved closer to her and took her hand, gently rubbing her fingers. "I was climbing in the cockpit and I raised up too high." She looked miserably into Sawyer's eyes.

"Well, you're going to need stitches. It's down to the bone. I'm going to have to put some stitches in the muscle too." Jack moved around to face her. "It's not going to be nice, Kate. But I have to do it. So are you ready?"

No! she wanted to scream, but she just nodded, gazing at Sawyer and taking a deep breath. "Yes."

Jack slipped off his pack and pawed through it until he found the alcohol and the sewing kit. "Okay, Kate, you need to sit here," he pointed to a stump a few feet away from the plane as he poured some alcohol on his hands. Sawyer helped her to it; her arm hung limply at her side and he could tell she was terrified. He held her waist as she sat, easing her down; Jack nodded at her. "Sawyer, you need to lift her shirt up over the cut." He eyed Jack with a warning look, then grasping the bottom of her tank, pulled it gently up and over her shoulders. "That's good." Sawyer came back to face Kate; he knelt in front of her, holding her hand as Jack opened the alcohol and poured it into the gash.

Kate's eyes flew open wide and she gritted her teeth as her shoulder went up in flames; eyes watering, she clutched Sawyer's hand, hard; he smiled encouragingly at her, trying to ignore the large curved needle that Jack was threading behind her.

The burning was terrible; it throbbed down to her bones. She took a deep breath, holding it for a minute, then she let it out, staring at Sawyer. She could imagine what Jack was doing and she closed her eyes, afraid she was going to throw up.

The needle flashed and Sawyer cast about desperately for some way to distract her; he squeezed her hand and she looked at him as Jack's fingers pulled the wound open gently to get to the muscle; Kate gasped a little but didn't flinch, though tears welled up in her eyes and trickled steadily down her cheeks. Her breath had become ragged and as Jack began stitching Sawyer said the first thing that came to mind. "You ever been to Tennessee?" Kate focused on him and shook her head; he smiled at her, and put his other hand gently on her knee, rubbing it softly. The needle flashed again and she grunted, as Sawyer continued. "Well, lemme tell you, Freckles, there ain't a lot to do there. A kid can get into a lot of trouble that way." He flashed her a grin and she smiled back a little. The needle flashed again. He scooted closer to her, sliding his hand from her knee to her thigh, still caressing it gently; he whispered to her, "You wanna hear about how my life of crime began?" He was still grinning and she nodded, gasping as Jack stuck the needle into her again. Sawyer squeezed her thigh, gently. "I was fourteen and I hung out with these kids who were a little older than me. They were pranksters, you know, always doin' stuff like TP'ing houses and smashing mailboxes, and of course, the favorite of every country boy, tipping cows." Kate laughed at that, having grown up in Iowa, she grasped that joke better than most would. "You know, silly kid stuff. Well, there was this farmer, and one night a few of us were in this guy's car, Freddie Weeks, that was his name," Sawyer smiled softly to himself. "Anyway we were in Freddie's car bustin' boxes and this farmer comes out in his flannel PJ's with his rifle and _shoots_ at us, for God's sake." He laughed a little, remembering how they had all just about sht themselves when the farmer blasted a shot into Freddie's car. "It hit the trunk, and none of was hurt, but we were pissed off. I remember Freddie had a helluva time explainin' how he got a round of buckshot blasted into the trunk of his daddy's Buick." He laughed a little. "Well, of course we didn't want to tell nobody, 'cause we _were_ bustin' up mailboxes, and with our stupid kid logic we figured we'd rather get back in our own way, so we got a bunch of guys from our auto shop class to meet us one night with all of their tools. Well, this farmer had a pretty big spread, and a lot of farm equipment. We worked through the night, and by morning we had taken apart two tractors and a pickup truck." He grinned at her. "We put them back together, of course. On the roof of his barn." Kate actually laughed, the pain forgotten as she gazed at Sawyer; he was smiling at her, caressing her thigh. She wondered briefly about James, the boy before he became Sawyer. Picturing him as a kid, with his shock of shaggy hair and dimples, she would just bet that the girls had been all over him. She swallowed an irrational stab of jealousy. "It was the talk of the town for a few days, even made the front page of the paper, two tractors and a pickup truck sittin' on some guy's roof; being dumbass kids we bragged about it all over school and someone ratted on us. The cops come bustin' into the school and arrested all of us- all sixteen of us." At the mention of sixteen, Kate remembered the paper she still had in her pocket, but she pushed it aside; she would deal with that later. "If they wanted to turn us away from a life of crime they sure went about it the wrong way, 'cause we were heroes after that. We were worshipped. Especially me, since I actually spent the whole night in jail."

Kate looked sadly into his eyes. "Why?" She shuddered at the thought of a fourteen year old boy staying overnight in a jail cell.

Jack stood, sighing. "All done."

Kate looked surprised; she hadn't even felt him back there, she was so engrossed in Sawyer's story. "Already?" She looked into Saywer's eyes and smiled. "I thought you said that would be bad." Jack pulled her top back down gently; Kate hissed a little as it touched the bandage Jack had just applied.

Sawyer squeezed her hand and leaned in, kissing her softly. "You okay?" He asked, and she nodded. "Want me to finish my story?"

She smiled at him. "Yes." She raised her good hand to his cheek and pulled him to her, kissing him gently. He broke it off and wrapping both arms around her waist he pressed his head to her stomach, hugging her as she stroked his hair.

The bushes rustled and everyone spun in their direction, guns pulled. Sawyer reached behind Kate's back and pulled hers out; she shot him a disgusted look.

Danielle entered the clearing, her rifle held angled out from her hip, ready to swivel it into position. "Locke."

John was studying the map; he folded it quickly and glanced at Michael, who was shooting daggers at her, and Jack, who looked like he wanted to grab her and shake answers out of her. "Hello, Danielle."

"I know what you are looking for, and you cannot go there. Not yet." She was gazing at him, crazily, and he shook his head.

"We can't go where yet?"

She stared at him for a second, then said slowly, "The Shark Station."

Locke glared at her sharply. "How do you know about that?"

She smiled tightly, insane lights dancing in her eyes. "Because I've been there."


	38. Chapter 38

**Chapter 37**

Jack was glaring at Danielle, who didn't bother to look at him; she was keeping her eyes on Locke. "You've _been_ there? Why didn't you tell us about it?" Her lack of response irritated him and the glare he was giving her started to look a little crazy. "What are you hiding?"

Locke put his hands up to placate him. "Easy, Jack." He turned back to Danielle, who was still gazing at him. "If you've been there, why can't we go? Do you remember how to get to it?"

She nodded. "Yes. But you cannot go _yet_. You need something first." She turned to Sawyer, who was standing in front of Kate, shielding her; as Danielle's gaze swept over them he felt her take his hand and he smiled. "You found a body about a week ago, lodged in a tree?"

Sawyer looked at her questioningly; Kate squeezed his fingers and he nodded. "Yeah. So?"

Danielle smiled tightly, taking in Sawyer's protective stance and Kate's hand in his. "You found a backpack near him, yes?" Sawyer glanced at Kate and nodded again. "Was there an injector in it?"

He looked confused. "A what?"

"An injector." She sighed at his blank look. "It would look like a gun with a needle on the end."

Jack glanced at him sharply; he remembered seeing Sawyer with something like that while they were in the jungle; right before the Others took Kate. Sawyer stared at her suspiciously. "What if there was?"

"Do you still have it?" Sawyer couldn't honestly remember what had happened to it; he'd had it in the clearing with the pit, but then he went to the Others and he hadn't thought about the pack since.

Jack broke in, impatient with the way the conversation was going. "What does that have to do with anything? Why can't we go to the station now?" He was really agitated; the relaxation and good feeling from his romp with Ana was gone. She put her hand on his arm, trying to calm him a little.

Danielle finally turned her gaze to Jack; he was staring at her, the demented gleam in his eyes fading a little. "You need the injector to administer the vaccine."

Jack felt like his head was going to explode. Every damn answer she gave just brought up two more questions; she was like the frigging Sphinx, everything was a riddle. "Vaccine for what?"

She looked at him kind of pityingly. "For the sickness. The Shark Station is where it came from."

Locke spoke up. "Is that why you didn't get sick? Because of the vaccine?"

She shook her head. "No," she said softly, looking very sad and alone. "I do not know why I did not get sick when everyone in my crew did. I did not learn of the vaccine until a few days ago."

Kate squeezed Sawyer's hand gently and he glanced down at her; she looked a little upset. "We left it in the clearing," she said, "the backpack. After They...t-took you I forgot all about it, and when we left nobody picked it up."

Danielle glanced sharply at Kate. "You must get it before we can open the hatch."

Jack snapped, "We can find the hatch ourselves."

Danielle smiled at him, shaking her head. "I seriously doubt that."

Hostility radiated from Jack as he laughed humorlessly. "Really. Why?"

She looked sad and a little lonely. "Because I buried it."

-----

Eko came to sit beside Kate; he smiled at her as he pulled a makeshift sling from behind his back. She smiled in return but her eyes darted back to Sawyer, who was huddled together with Locke and Jack. He felt her eyes on him, and he turned to her, flashing a reassuring grin.

As he turned back to the huddle, Kate glanced up at Eko. He knelt beside her and slipped the sling around her neck, gently lifting her arm to slide it in. She paled a little, it was throbbing like mad and her head was pounding sickly; one of the reasons she hadn't joined Sawyer and the others was she was afraid she was going to throw up if she moved from the stump she was sitting on.

Letting her arm back down gently into the sling, Eko glanced over at Danielle. She was leaning against a tree, her rifle propped up beside her watching the huddle with idle interest. "How are you, Katherine?" He didn't just mean her arm.

She flicked her eyes back to Sawyer again, smiling. "I'm fine," she said, softly. "It just hurts." She wasn't just talking about her arm, either.

Eko grinned at her. "Love always does, Katherine." His smile faded a little as he nodded at Sawyer. "James does not know how special he is. How _important_. What they are planning to do is going to be dangerous for him; he ignores the risks because he feels like he needs to do this for you. That he needs to _belong_ for you." Seeing her scared expression, he touched her aching arm, shocking her; the pain faded a little and as the headache eased the urge to puke was gone. "He is close, Katherine, to becoming what he has it in him to be. You have to help him, especially now."

Her eyes were wide, and she swallowed hard, looking at Sawyer with fear and love. "How do I help him? I-I don't know what to do."

He smiled again, gently. "I think you do. You have been doing it all along; including him, supporting him, protecting him." His smile turned a little sweeter, and Kate's heart stopped as she glanced at Sawyer; he was turning to look at her and their eyes met. Eko smile softened again. "Loving him." Kate's gaze didn't leave Sawyer; he was grinning at her, his dimples deepening. "You are on the right road, Katherine, though there are many obstacles in your path. You must meet them together." He paused and Kate dragged her eyes from Sawyer to him. "Your name, Katherine, is Greek in its origin. It is derived from the word _hekateros_. Do you know what that means?" She shook her head. "There are two sides to you, yes? A division inside of you, as deep as your soul? It is no mistake that you are a Gemini, the twins. The opposite sides of the same coin." She was gazing at him trembling a little; it felt like he was looking inside of her heart, probing at the places she kept hidden. "One half of you is light; sunshine and laughter, and _love_, but the other," he touched her hand, noticing her tremors, and she relaxed a tiny bit, "the other half is dark; empty, cold and lonely. Is that true?" She nodded; she didn't trust herself to speak. He glanced over at Sawyer, who was arguing with Jack. "When you are with James, do you feel that other side? The dark side of you?" He leaned in close to her, whispering. "When you are with him, is it still empty and cold?"

She shook her head, her heart thudding against her chest. "No."

Eko smiled, satisfied. "Because he _is_ the other half of you, Katherine. _Hekateros_ means 'each of the two sides'; he fills half of you, you complete him." He smiled at her, and glanced at Sawyer, who had turned and was coming towards them. "The name James...it means 'supplanter'. One who seizes and holds the place of another. Do you understand, Katherine?" She nodded, smiling. "Remember, you can only do this together. As a whole." He stopped as Sawyer reached them, and he nodded to Eko before kissing Kate gently. She suddenly felt it, what Eko had talked about; she felt _whole_.

"How's the shoulder, Freckles?" He asked her softly, caressing her cheek. She lowered her eyes and pressed her face into his hand.

She realized that the pain was gone. Not completely, but it was just an irritation instead of agony. She looked wonderingly at Eko, who simply smiled at her and shrugged. "It's fine." She turned her eyes back to Sawyer and smiled at him. "Everything is fine."

-----

Kate didn't like the plan when she heard it either. She and Sawyer were to cross the island and get the pack while the others stayed to dig out the hatch. "Why us?" She glanced at Eko in a panic; she didn't want to do this. This would take them right into the claws of the people they were trying to avoid, and if they were trying to draw Sawyer out, wouldn't this be the perfect way to do it?

Jack sighed in irritaion. "Because you two know what to look for, and you won't be any help digging with that arm." He shot her an accusing glare, like she had hurt herself on purpose so she wouldn't have to dig; she glared back. "Sawyer volunteered for it, anyway."

She turned angry, astonished eyes on him; he grinned and shrugged and leaning in to her, whispered, "I figured we could put the time alone to good use."

She almost smiled through her anger; instead she glared at Jack, shaking her head. "No. It's too dangerous." She looked to Eko, hoping he would support her; seeing her expression, he nodded and smiled and she sighed with relief.

"I will go with them," he said, and Kate frowned at him; she thought he wanted Sawyer to stay _out_ of trouble, why was he agreeing with them? Eko shook his head gently at her and she sighed and shrugged, feeling defeated.

Locke glanced at Eko and smiled. So, this was the time when they would part ways. Dividing their forces; Locke knew that strategically it was not a wise move, but he could feel the island's secrets in his grasp. Anyway, this was how it was supposed to happen. It was their destiny. "I guess it's settled, then." he glanced at Kate's arm, still in its sling. "I would wait until morning, give everyone a break. Danielle, can you draw them a rough map of where they need to go?" She nodded and he glanced at Jack, who was looking agitated and impatient, as usual. "Jack, be patient. The answers are there, they're not going anywhere. We've waited this long, what is another few hours?"

Jack glared at him. "I guess a few hours are nothing, as long as it's our _destiny_."

Locke laughed softly. "And it is, Jack. It is."


	39. Chapter 39

**Chapter 38**  
The sun was high over the clearing; it was hot and sticky even in the shade. They all were sitting around, resting; Jack and Ana sat together beneath a tree while he filled her in on what they knew about Danielle and her experiences on the island, though that wasn't a lot. Ana pitied her, especially since she could relate to the loss of a child; Jack finished and she stared at Danielle for a minute before standing and walking over to where she was leaning against a tree, cleaning and inspecting her rifle.

Danielle smiled slightly as Ana's shadow fell over her and she looked up; Ana sat lightly beside her, smiling as she said, "So, you're the French chick." Danielle didn't answer, she just inclined her head a little in assent, and Ana continued. "I'm Ana-Lucia." There was still no response, but Ana plugged on; she wasn't especially good at interrogating people, observation was more her strength, but she could do it if she had to. "The thing in the jungle, the security system? What is it?"

Danielle smiled. "You just said it. A security system." Her fingers worked on the rifle as she spoke; Ana was good at handling weapons but this woman held the rifle like it was an extension of her, expertly taking it apart while barely looking at it.

Ana smiled patiently. "Yeah, I got that. But what _is_ it?"

Laying the rifle aside Danielle considered the question. "It is a means for the Island to get what it needs while keeping out what it does not."

Ana smiled. This one was a challenge. "What does it need?"

"Goodness."

Damn this woman was cryptic, but the word struck a chord. "Okay, what does it not need?"

Danielle smiled sadly at Ana. "The rest of us."

Ana considered that for a minute; she stared at the ground, trying to equate what Danielle said to what she had learned from Goodwin. "So the monster is here to keep the 'good' people here and get rid of the 'bad'?"

"It's not a monster."

"Then what is it? I mean, is it like Godzilla? Or a dinosaur? A robot?"

Danielle smiled, craziness glowing softly in her eyes; Ana was a little wary and she tensed as she leaned forward. "It is none of those things. It is nothing you can comprehend because it does not exist in your reality."

Ohhhkay, Ana thought to herself, she's nuttier than a damn fruitcake. She shook her head. "I don't buy that. I've heard it, so it exists." She waved her arms around at the jungle. "And this is about as real as it gets. So what exactly do you mean?"

Danielle smiled, and she spoke as if she were explaining something to a child. "This Island is not real. Not as you know reality, as I used to know it. We are not _in_ the real world anymore; we are outside of it, clinging to the edges."

Good Lord, Ana thought, she's about fifty-one cards shy of a full deck. "That still doesn't tell me what it _is_. How do you know? Have you seen it?"

She hesitated. "No." Standing, she picked up the rifle; this interrogation was over. She paused and looked down at Ana, her eyes still glowing insanely. "Do not wonder about it too much. Sometimes not knowing is better." She gestured to the jungle. "This is your life now. You should use your energy to preserve it." She turned and walked away, leaving Ana sitting by the tree.

Well, that had been useless. And a little freaky. Ana shook her head, glancing at Jack as he rose and came to sit beside her. "What was that about? Learn anything useful?"

Ana snorted. "Nah. She's on a one-way trip to Looneytown." She glanced at Kate and Sawyer, who were together on the other side of the clearing. "Maybe we shouldn't listen to her, you know, about the vaccine and stuff. I don't trust her, and not just because she's crazy; she's not telling everything she knows."

Jack shrugged. He agreed that Danielle was off her nut; sixteen years alone, losing her daughter, murdering her whole team- they _shouldn't_ be listening to her but they didn't really have a choice did they? It was the only way they could get the answers they needed to save Michael and Walt. "I don't trust her either but we don't have any other option." He glanced at Kate and Sawyer too, smiling a little. "You worried about them?"

Ana followed his gaze; Sawyer was sitting against a tree trunk and Kate was curled up on his lap, arm in the sling, her head nestled against his shoulder and his arm wrapped protectively around her waist, holding her to him. Vincent was stretched out next to Sawyer; it was too hot for even him to play. Ana shook her head. "Nah. Eko's goin' with them, they'll be fine." She looked back at Jack, who was still gazing at Kate and Sawyer; he felt Ana's eyes on him and he turned to her, smiling. "I'm more worried about us going digging with Frenchy."

Jack laughed. "Yeah. That worries me a little too." He smiled at her, almost shyly, but there was something under it; Ana smiled as he pulled out an empty water bottle, shaking it gently. "I'm out of water. Wanna help me fill my bottle?"

Ana snickered; her eyebrows raised as she said, "_Fill_ your bottle?" Her smile disappeared as Kate and Sawyer stood and walked into the trees in the direction of the stream. "Never mind." She nodded at the jungle behind Jack and he glanced back in time to see Kate melting into the bushes. He frowned and Ana felt a stab of irritation; it was always Kate.

Jack turned back to her and grinned wickedly; her heart rose as he winked at her and said, "I sure hope they don't sit on that rock."

Ana laughed, shaking her head. "Forget sitting. I hope they don't do anything _else_ on that rock."

-----

Her shoulder was throbbing gently; she couldn't get comfortable, not even in Sawyer's lap with his heart beating sofly in her ear. Her constant fidgeting finally got on his nerves and he whispered, "You thirsty? Locke said there's a stream just through there, I can go get us some water."

Her hand clenched on his shirt as her shoulder spasmed a little. She was tired of sitting still; if she moved around maybe her arm wouldn't bother her so much. "Yeah. I'll go too." He helped her up, then stood; picking up her pack he unzipped it and took out her bottles, putting them into his. He slung the bag over his shoulder and took Kate's good hand, leading her into the jungle. Vincent glanced up briefly as they left; chuffing gently through his nose he laid his head back down, keeping his eyes open in the direction they had gone.

The trail was easy to follow; it had been trampled down from everyone going to get water and they walked slowly, leaning against each other, fingers entwined. Kate was happy; before her talk with Eko she hadn't fully realized the absence of her empty loneliness; she had barely been away from Sawyer long enough to notice a difference, other than when the Others had him and she hadn't noticed much of anything for those three days. Now she felt _full_; the darkness had no room to exist so it dissolved into the light.

The stream was burbling and Kate noticed it was deep enough to wade into; Sawyer had the same idea and kissing her quickly he started pulling off his shoes and socks. Kate watched him as he pulled his t-shirt over his head, the muscles in his chest rippling, his hair falling into his eyes; She couldn't take her eyes away from him.

"Want me to put it back on, Freckles?"

She blushed and grinned as he caught her looking. "Why would I want you to do that?"

His dimples flared. "Why, so you can watch me take it off again, sweetheart."

She nodded. "Okay. Put it back on." She sat down on the edge of the rock, and smiled at him. "Or would you rather help me take mine off?" He moved towards her, but she held her foot out, waving it at him. "Shoes and socks too."

He squatted in front of her, taking her shoe in his hand he untied it slowly, his other hand stroking her ankle as he pulled the shoe off, dropping it carelessly beside him. He stripped her sock off next, letting his fingers slide gently across the bottom of her foot, tickling her; she giggled, a little breathlessly. Only Sawyer could make taking off shoes and socks an erotic experience. He repeated the process with her other foot, then leaning forward onto his knees he unbuttoned her jeans, kissing the space between her shirt and waistband before slipping them down and off.

He rose to his feet, pulling Kate with him; he swept her legs out from under her and swung her up into his arms as she shrieked and laughed. "Put me down, Sawyer!"

He carried her out into the middle of the stream and smirked at her. "Okay, Freckles." He dropped her unceremoniously into the water.

She spluttered to the surface, her shoulder burning as the cold water hit it. Trying to shove the pain aside she grinned at Sawyer; it came out more like a grimace and he was beside her instantly, looking concerned and guilty. "Shit, I forgot about that. You okay?" He helped her up, turning aside as she winced again.

"Yeah," she said, breathing hard as the pain tapered off. "It's okay." She slogged out of the water and sat gingerly back on the rock as Sawyer followed her, looking sorry. She tried to ease the sling off; it was uncomfortably heavy when wet and pulling on her arm painfully.

He helped her slide her arm out, then laying the sling over the rock to dry he kissed her gently, brushing the wet hair from her eyes. "I'm sorry, Kate. I just wasn't thinkin'."

She laughed. "Wow, Cowboy, two sorries in one day?" she said softly. "Sure _you're_ okay?" She kissed him back, her tongue seeking his as she lifted her hand to his face, caressing his stubbly cheek. "I know you didn't mean it. Don't say sorry unless it's something you should _really_ be sorry for." She looked at him pointedly, grinning a little.

He chuckled, then said, "I don't know what you're talkin' about."

Kate eyed him, eyebrows raised. "No? Well, I'm sure it will come to you eventually." He sat on the rock next to her, wrapping his arms around her waist and leaning his head on her shoulder; his warm skin against her chilly wet body made goosebumps raise on her arms. "Until then I'll just take those two sorries and save them for later, when you need them." He glanced up at her and she tapped his cheek gently. "And I am almost positive that you're gonna need them."

He grinned up at her. "I'm sure I will too, Freckles."

-----

Night had fallen and everyone was asleep except for Locke and Eko; they sat a distance from each other, the sparks pulsing between them.

"This is where we part ways, John." Eko sounded a little sad.

"I think it is just for a little while, Eko. We are destined to meet again soon." John smiled across the fire.

"Yes. I believe it is crucial that we come together again." They sat silently for a few minutes, absorbing the island's pulses, then Eko spoke again. "You are a well read man, John. Do you know the Epic of Gilgamesh?"

John nodded. "Yes. It's the oldest story known to man. I'm a little fuzzy on the details of the book though."

Eko nodded. "Yes. The oldest story ever told. Many parts of it are missing as it was written on clay tablets which have broken and been lost forever." He smiled. "Gilgamesh was the King of Babylon thouands of years ago. Being two-thirds God and one-third human, he was a strong king, a forceful king, but he was oppressive and harsh to his people. They prayed to Anu, the God of the Sky, to help them and in response to their prayers he created a wild man, stronger than dozens of wild animals, wilder than the wildest beast of the forest. This man was named Enkidu, and Gilgamesh heard of his power and he was afraid. So he sent a prostitute to Enkidu, to weaken him. He fell in love with her and instead of weakening him she increased his strength a dozen times."

John nodded. "Yes, I remember now. They meet finally, and fight, but it is a draw, and they both retreat; Gilgamesh to his walled city and Enkidu to the forest."

Smiling, Eko leaned forward as the lights flashed around him brightly. "Then they were both confronted by the same problem; a forest demon that threatened both the safety of the city and the wild forest. Enkidu and Gilgamesh decided to join forces in order to battle the demon; the battle raged for days until finally the demon of the forest was defeated and the people saved; but as he died he cursed them both, that they should never find peace or happiness as long as they lived."

John smiled and lowered his arms, rubbing his forehead in chagrin. "Refresh me- did they ever find peace or happiness?"

"Nobody knows, as that was one of the tablets that were lost." He hesitated and glanced over at the people sleeping around them. "In the end, John, it is not going to be you or I that save them. You know that."

Smiling, Locke scanned the sleeping people too. "Yes. I know. And while I have faith in the end, I am not too sure about the means." He hesitated, staring at Eko. "Good luck, Eko. I hope this separation is a short one."

Eko nodded, staring into the fire as the sparks faded into the night. "I do too, John. I do too."


	40. Chapter 40

**Chapter 39**

Sawyer craned over Kate as she and Eko squatted next to Danielle, looking at the crude map she was scratching in the dirt. The pit lay almost due east of them, it was a short distance across the island but the trouble lay in crossing the two separate mountain ridges that ran down the island like parentheses. Going around would take too long and time was pressing, though not quite of the essence.

Pointing to a space in between two of her scratches Danielle nodded. "This is the easiest pass in this ridge. After that you will cross the Other's Valley, I urge you to do so with the utmost speed. Do not get caught there after dark. On the other side of the valley is this ridge, you must turn north until you come here." She pointed to a mark in the soil.

Sawyer looked skeptical. "Um, how are we supposed to know that's the place? Is it gonna look like your map?"

Danielle didn't smile; staring at Sawyer she pointed to the spot and said, "At the entrance to the pass is a large stone. That will mark your path."

Sawyer rolled his eyes. "A stone? Do you know how many of those there are here?"

Danielle smiled at that. "I think you will know this one when you see it." Tapping her stick on a space over the second ridge she continued, "This is the clearing with the pit. Stay there for the night if possible." Kate and Sawyer exchanged glances; no way in _hell_ were they gonna stay there.

Eko was studying the map carefully. "How long do you think this will take?"

Thinking the question over, she glanced at Kate, who had risen from her crouch, grimacing as she did. Her arm was sore; she could move it a little but it hurt if she did so she kept it in the sling, which had dried out overnight. Sawyer's hand went under her arm automatically, helping her up; she gave him a smile so sweet he had to stop himself from telling them all to piss on the hike while he took her back to the Zoology Center to put those bunks to some good use.

"It should take you until late this afternoon to reach the first pass; I suggest camping and going over the ridge in the morning. You must cross the valley and the second ridge before dark, then camp at the pit. I would do the same coming back. Keep going until you reach the beach, then follow it to us. We will leave a marker for you to follow."

"Three days." Eko nodded to himself, then glanced at Locke. "How long will it take for you to dig out the hatch?"

Danielle shrugged. "Three, four days." She stared at the ground, sadly. "I buried it very well."

Jack, who had been very quiet, spoke up. "Let's get going, then." Glancing quickly at Ana, he went to Kate and Sawyer, holding out his gun to Kate. "Here. I know you lost yours and I don't want you out there unarmed."

Kate smiled at him and Jack glanced at Sawyer, who seemed almost grateful; his arm tightened around Kate, but he just grinned and said, "You're just hopin' she'll shoot me on accident." He squeezed Kate and whispered in her ear, "Or on purpose."

Kate laughed and whispered back, "I'd like it either way." She brushed her lips across his, then turned to Jack. "Thanks for the loaner. I guess we'll see you in a few days." She started to pick up her pack, but Sawyer took it before she could, slinging it over his shoulder next to his. Her heart swelled; his simple act of carrying her things for her made her breath catch in her lungs; she couldn't breathe as love for him filled every niche and corner, threatening to expand until it blew her apart.

He grinned at her, then turned to Eko. "Whaddaya say, Ed? Ready to take a hike?"

Eko smiled. "Whenever you are, James."

Grabbing Kate's hand, Sawyer cast one last glance back to Jack; he smiled hesitantly, "Good luck, Doc."

Jack returned the smile, nodding at the three of them. "You too."

Without another word they melted into the jungle. Vincent followed them to the edge of the clearing the stopped, looking over his shoulder at Michael; barking at him once he lolled his tongue out in a grin then ran into the jungle after Kate and Sawyer.

"Damn dog."

-----

It wasn't far to the buried hatch; they made it there in a few hours, just as the sun was cresting in the sky. It was a plain clearing; the beach was just visible through the trees and Locke went down to the tree line and tied some cloth around a few trunks as a marker for the others. When he returned Danielle had already paced off an area 6 feet by 6 feet and Ana was sharpening sticks to loosen the ground and make it easier to dig out.

Locke was watching Danielle as she studied the area she had walked off. "How did you find this hatch?"

She stopped, her eyes glowing madly; staring at him she smiled tightly, taking a sharpened branch and stabbing it into the ground at an angle, turning and lifting it to churn up the soil. "We heard the numbers when our ship was a few miles away from the island." She stabbed the ground again, twisting up a chunk of earth. "We were on a science expedition, investigating the sea life in the area when we heard it; then we saw the island in the distance. It wasn't on our maps so we checked our instruments, they were fine. Our curiosity was aroused and we decided to see what it was." She smiled ruefully. "As we approached, something pinged on our sonar; something unusual; Robert and I were certified divers so we put on our wetsuits and prepared to investigate."

She paused, sticking the branch randomly into the dirt, her eyes far away. "I was seven months pregnant, then, but I had a specially made suit; and my doctors had assured me that diving would be fine as long as I didn't go below one hundred feet; we told the crew to wait for us and we dove into the water.

"It was so clear, and beautiful. The floor was flat and sandy; we didn't see it right away as it looked almost like a large piece of coral, but as we swam nearer we could see that it was a hatch of some sort; Robert went closer and lifted the lid; it opened easily, and he went in." She had stopped poking the ground; the stick hung loosely in her hand as she stared into space. "I followed him; it was an airlock. We closed the hatch and Robert hit the valve; the water flooded out, leaving us in front of a door." She glanced up at Locke, suddenly jabbing the pointed branch violently into the soil. "It was unlocked also."

Locke was nodding. "An underwater entrance." Looking at her, he asked, "What happened then?"

She shrugged, churning up more dirt; behind her, Jack and Ana were standing close to each other, poking their sticks into the dirt, laughing and twisting up chunks of earth. "We went in."

John waited for her to continue; when she didn't he rubbed the back of his head and glanced at the ground. "What was in there?"

She shook her head, smiling, a mad light in her eyes. "You'll see for yourself. Soon enough."

-----

The noon heat was taking its toll even on Vincent, who padded softly beside Eko, his tongue hanging out limply while he panted. Kate and Sawyer walked behind them, hand in hand; Kate suddenly said, "So your birthday is April twenty third."

Sawyer had been thinking about her in various states of undress; he didn't catch the question. "What?"

"The day I was arrested in the bus station. April twenty third. You said it was your birthday." She peeked up at him, laughing. "That makes you an Aries." Arching her eyebrows she gave him a knowing look. "That's the Ram, you know."

He gave her a wicked grin. "Well, _you_ certainly do."

Rolling her eyes at him she smirked, "It just means you like to butt heads, butthead."

He bumped his head gently against hers, grinning. "I thought that was your move." He rubbed his temple, grimacing. "I think it still hurts from the first time you did it." He cocked his head to the side, as if he was considering something. "You know, Freckles, you really hit me a lot."

"Only when you deserve it, Tex. So yeah, I do hit you a lot." Grinning, she pretended to punch him in the gut; he bent double, holding his stomach. "What we haven't had in a while is a good tackle."

Sawyer straightened, cocking his eyebrows at her in surprise. "I thought we'd been doin' a _lot_ of that lately."

She laughed happily; Sawyer's knees went weak. He couldn't get over how she had protected him during their confrontation with Frank; how she had comforted him after. How she had let him _take_ her, as if she knew that he needed the release and she wanted to give it to him no matter what it cost her. His hands wanted to be on her, suddenly; he stopped and pulled her face to his, kissing her deeply as her hand slid behind his neck, dragging him closer.

She pulled away, flushed and breathless; smiling, she said, "What was that for?"

Loud, crashing, griding roars echoed through the jungle; Kate grabbed Sawyer and started to run but Eko caught him by the arm and stopped him. "Stay, James."

Kate tugged on Sawyer's arm, trying to pull him away; he turned to her, shaking his head. "It's okay, Freckles." He kissed her, then stared into her scared eyes. "I promise, Kate. It's okay. Please go over there." he pointed to a copse of trees a few yards away. She shook her head, terrified. He touched her cheek, caressing it as the clanking roars came closer. "Please, Kate," he whispered. "I can't stop it."

Giving him one last terrified look, she turned and ran into the trees, staring through the trunks at him with dread as he and Eko stood their ground.

Eko touched Sawyer's arm, cautioning him. "Look into it, James, but when I say you must look away, do you understand? There are some things you are not meant to see."

Sawyer nodded, tense with fright. He was terrified, not just of the Cloud itself, but of what he might see in it; as Eko's fingers left his arm he glanced back at Kate, who was gripping the tree trunks like they were bars of a cell; tears rolled down her cheeks and Sawyer wanted to comfort her, assure her that it was all right. He felt strangely sure himself, then, as if Kate gave him the strength to take anything.

The Cloud flitted through the trees, shaking and cracking them as it rolled to a stop in front of Eko and Sawyer. It pulsed with electricity; Sawyer stared into it, images flashing through his mind as it roiled and grumbled at him; they were all Kate, every one- smiling, laughing, crying, gasping against his shoulder, holding him as he cried, her beautiful face when she shuddered against him in pleasure; he couldn't have torn his gaze away if he wanted to.

They changed; it was him, tied to a wooden cross as Frank lashed him with the whip in the white light, being carried through the jungle by shadows, a hand touching the bullet wound on his shoulder as it burned and disappeared.

They changed again; Eko shouted, "James! Now!" and he caught a glimpse of something so beautiful he reached his hand out to touch it, but Eko's sharp voice snapped him out of it. "James! Look away!"

He hesitated. The vision was too good to turn away; his hand slid into the cloud and he stiffened with shock as his hand disappeared into the smoke. Really disappeared; it was _gone_.

Kate started to run forward but Eko turned to her, "No Kate, stay there!" He spun back to Sawyer, who was still gazing into the Cloud, entranced by what he was seeing. Eko grabbed him and jerked him back, pulling his hand from the shadows; it was still attatched and none the worse, but he felt a horrible sense of loss as the Cloud shifted and roared away, taking the vision with it.


	41. Chapter 41

**Chapter 40**

Jack had scooped out the inside of a large, thick branch on one end, making a sort of cruddy makeshift shovel; he was working steadily, in a rhythm as he scooped out some of the loosened dirt and threw it to the side. The physical work felt great, though he hadn't exactly been lacking in exertion lately; he glanced at Ana, who was talking to Michael as they both continued to loosen the soil with the sharp sticks.

He didn't really know how to feel about her; their second encounter had only made him want her even more, and as he watched her smiling and laughing with Michael the urge struck him again, making him want to throw the shovel aside and drag her off into the woods. She felt him looking and smiled a sly little smile at him; he grinned in return and hastily turned back to his job at hand.

Michael noted the look between them and shook his head a little; he hadn't missed how long it had taken them to get water the day before. Hell, he thought, I was gonna die of thirst before they came. _Back_. He snickered a little and Ana caught it. "What?"

He shook his head, grinning. "Nothing. I was just thinking about Walt." Which was true, in a way; Walt was always in the back of his mind no matter what he was doing; even his dreams were peppered with him. He still missed him, horribly, and terror gripped his heart every time he thought about what could be happening to him, how scared he must be. His smile faded a little.

Ana touched his arm gently, noting the sad expression on his face. "I'm sorry, Mike. I wish I could tell you it gets better."

Michael smiled grimly. "Thanks, Ana. I'm okay." He hesitated. "W-what happened? You know, with your kid?" Her face hardened and Michael shook his head. "Never mind. Forget I asked."

She glanced at him, sorrow and anger written on her face; taking a deep breath, she put her hand on his arm and he looked up into her eyes. "I was four months pregnant, but I hadn't told anyone yet, not even Danny." Michael glanced at her questioningly, and she continued, "The baby's father." Mike nodded. "I was on a call. I let my guard down for a second and some guy shot me four times. I almost died." She stifled a quiet sob. "I wanted to die. How could I love that kid so much? It wasn't even _real_ yet. But I did love it. So I found that son of a btch."

"And you killed him?" Michael was staring at her with a mixture of sadness, horror and pity. "The guy who shot you?"

Glaring at him she stiffened at his expression. "Yes. I did. I shot him six times." She looked into Michael's eyes and softly said, "Don't judge me, Michael. You would have done the same thing. He would have been back on the streets hurting other people. He cost me everything that mattered to me- my job, my boyfriend, my baby. Almost my life. He deserved to die." Her eyes were lit with a maniacal glow; Michael drew away, pulling his arm out of grasp.

"Yeah," he said softly. "I know he did." She was scaring him a little; he could almost picture her pulling the trigger. "If one of...Them came here right now, I'd want to do it." He glanced aside at her. "I just don't know if I could."

The mad glow faded and she smiled a little. "Lucky for you, Mike, some of us wouldn't hesitate."

He stared at her sadly for a minute. "Yeah. Lucky me." He didn't want to be around her anymore; grief radiated from her in waves and he was sorry he ever brought up the subject; he just needed to feel close to someone who could understand what he was going through. Dropping his branch, he walked to the other side of the clearing and took his water out of his pack, plopping on the ground by himself to drink.

Ana watched him sadly, then turned back to her job, thrusting the stick violently into the ground, churning up the soil to match her churning stomach. She hadn't thought about it much, lately, her mind had been too preoccupied with Jack. It was a cold shock to have it thrown on her so suddenly, when she wasn't expecting it; suddenly she felt very tired and alone. She could feel tears threatening to spill from her eyes so she dropped her stick too, and walked into the jungle making it just as the floodgates opened and tears coursed down her cheeks.

Jack had been watching them, noting the turn the conversation was taking. Michael left her, and she looked so sad Jack wanted to go to her and hold her to him, to fix her. She dropped her stick, too, and almost ran into the woods; Jack hesitated before letting his 'shovel' fall to the ground as he followed her into the trees.

He stopped a dozen yards in, his heart thudding in a strange rhythm; she was leaning against a tree, her face pressed to the rough bark; he could see her shoulders shaking as she cried against the trunk. Jack didn't know what to do; he was a little leery of crying women lately as they tended to complicate his life. Hesitating, he finally came behind her, softly calling her name. "Ana? Are you okay?"

She stopped crying abruptly, and he saw her wipe her hands across her eyes. "Yeah. I'm fine." Her shoulders straightened and she sniffled a little, but she still didn't turn to look at him.

He gently laid his hand on her shoulder, feeling her tense as he touched her. "Hey." She didn't respond. "_Hey._" The pressure on her shoulder increased and she finally turned to him, ashamed of her red puffy eyes. Ashamed of her _weakness_. "What's wrong, Ana?"

He looked so concerned and _nervous_ that Ana actually choked out a laugh. "Nothing. I'm okay." She met his eyes and suddenly she was in his arms, kissing him with a hungry ferocity that surprised them both. Jack recovered quickly, though, and he returned the kiss with equal vigor, pushing her back against the tree as his hands dug into her hair, pulling her closer.

Their harsh, ragged breath was the only sound in the clearing as Jack slid her jeans off of her while she fumbled frantically with his button; he returned his lips to hers and lifted her up against the trunk, thrusting against her as she gasped and grasped him around the neck.

The bark was rough and as they rose and fell against it Ana could feel it scraping against her skin; for some reason it drove her wild and she met Jack thrust for thrust, pushing against him as hard as she could. He buried his face in her neck and groaned as she tightened and cried out, loudly; a few birds fluttered out of the tree at her cry and she realxed slowly against Jack, her vision spotty as the blood slowly returned to her brain.

His legs were shaky and they wobbled a little as he held her against the trunk, leaning on her for support; she kissed him and he hefted her up higher, pressing her into it as he explored her lips gently.

She finally unwrapped herself and set her feet back on the ground; Jack leaned into her again, his hands sliding up beneath her shirt to caress her; she moaned again softly and he kissed her, long and deep. Sighing shakily, she broke it off, laying her forehead against his chest before smiling and slipping her jeans back on.

Jack didn't feel like going back to the clearing; they weren't very far away and he was sure that they had heard Ana's cries. He didn't want to face that yet, so he plopped down on the ground, leaning his back against the trunk that had just been using. Ana glanced at him, questioning him, and he smiled and patted the ground next to him. "I don't want to go back yet."

She looked glad. "Me either." She sat next to him, though they didn't touch. "I'm glad you followed me, Jack." She glanced at him, a sad smile touching her lips. "Sometimes I get tired of being alone."

"Yeah," he said softly, his eyes glowing as he stared at her. "I do too."

-----

The Cloud flickered away, leaving Sawyer staring, breathless, where it had been, his mind still filled with the happy, beautiful vision he had seen. Kate was in his arms before he could move, hugging him tight with her good arm, and he wrapped his arms around her, lifting her against him as he kissed her slowly, savoring the vision and what it meant for him. For _them_.

Eko was watching them, a look of concern on his face. The Cowboy had not been supposed to see the last thing; it was something that would cloud his judgement when the time came for him to do what he had to. He sighed, and waited for Sawyer to release Kate's lips before he spoke. "James, you must forget the last thing you saw. Please. You were not meant to see that yet. You are not ready."

Sawyer looked at Eko with a mix of fear and wonder. "I can't forget that," he said, looking at Eko like he was crazy. "I won't." He shook his head, almost panicking at the thought of giving it up.

"Please, James. Try not to think on it too much." He put his hand on Sawyer's arm, and this time there was no shock. "Remember what I told you before, about the future? It is changeable until it becomes the past. What you saw may not necessarily be, James, if you are not cautious."

Sawyer's face fell; he couldn't bear the thought of the vision not being true. Could he give up the image for a chance at the real thing? He wasn't sure, the vision was so... well, it wasn't real. He wanted the reality, and he nodded to Eko. "Okay, Ed. Consider it forgotten."

Kate was watching Sawyer, worry etched on her face. "W-why didn't it try to kill you?" she whispered, glancing at Eko as she pressed herself into Sawyer's body. She had been so terrified that she couldn't breathe; she was still taking ragged gasps every now and then as her body let go of the fright and allowed her to draw a breath.

Eko smiled. "It does not want to hurt us, Katherine." He glanced at Sawyer, who had his face pressed into Kate's hair. "It _cannot_ hurt James."

Sighing, she grasped Sawyer around the waist and he hugged her tight, willing the vision to leave his brain. Eko touched him again, with a gentle little shock, and it was...gone. It still lurked in his mind, but the need, the desire to see it left him. He was ready for the reality.

Vincent came trotting into the clearing, his tongue lolling happily as he chuffed at Sawyer and pushed at his hands, demanding some attention. He didn't move, just held Kate while sticking one of his hands out for Vincent to nuzzle; Vincent barked and Sawyer swore he sounded _disgusted_ at his lack of attention. "What, Fido? Can't you see I'm busy?"

Vincent barked again, and Sawyer answered. "Well, I don't care if you think I spend too much time with her already. Why don't you make yourself useful and go catch us dinner."

Kate pulled away, looking at Sawyer strangely as Vincent barked again, then whimpered and yipped at Sawyer, who sighed with irritation. "Then don't. But you don't get any attention until I eat. It's your call, Rover." He caught Kate's apprehensive look. "What?"

She looked at Vincent, then back to Sawyer. He had lost his mind. The Cloud had made him go insane. "Sawyer, you're holding a conversation with a _dog_."

Vincent growled indignantly, and Sawyer smiled at him. "She knows you have a name." He glanced at Kate. "He thinks you don't like him."

Eko was gazing at Sawyer intently. This was unexpected. "James," he looked into Sawyer's eyes, searching. "Do you...understand him?"

Sawyer shrugged, realizing that it _was_ kind of strange, but he just knew what Vincent was saying. He was a little more disturbed that it didn't surprise him. "Not like words, you know, but I can kinda hear his thoughts. I guess I can _see_ his thoughts."

"All of them?"

Sawyer thought for a second. "Nah. Just the ones he wants me to hear." Kate was staring at him with dread and shock; her expression scared him more than anything. "Is there something wrong with me?" he asked Eko, suddenly feeling very scared.

Eko smiled. "No. In fact, I think everything is very right." He bent down and patted Vincent on the head; he barked quickly, grinning his doggy grin, and Eko glanced up at Sawyer. "What did he say?"

"He said you're a smart guy." Kate looked between them, still stunned and a little disbelieving. Vincent saw her expression, and he barked at her, then sat up on his hind legs, giving her such a look of pleading that she had to laugh. He dropped to his feet and jumped around, wiggling happily and barking. Telling herself that she was totally silly, she looked at Sawyer, waiting for him to translate.

He didn't say anything, he just watched the dog chase happily after a drifting leaf, smiling. "Well?"

Sawyer pulled her close. Vincent's thoughts had actually been directed at him; he whispered in Kate's ear. "He said that I needed to tell you."

"Tell me what?"

Sawyer paused. "He said I needed to tell you I love you." He looked into her eyes as she glanced over at Vincent, who had stopped playing and was watching them both with a look as serious as a dog can manage. "I do, you know, Kate. I _love_ you."

She laughed a little, happy tears springing to her eyes. "I know, Tex."

He held her close, feeling her body against his, so lithe and hard, so soft and supple. He couldn't get enough of her touch; he craved it like a junkie and he shivered a little as she grasped him to her, pressing herself as close as she could get. Sawyer glanced over at Vincent, who looked satisfied and content; he met Sawyer's gaze and woofed lightly, grinning. Sawyer hid his smile against Kate's shoulder, then he held one of his hands out to Vincent, who chuffed lightly as Sawyer scratched his ears while he held Kate to him. "Yeah. I know. Dogs _are_ smarter than humans."


	42. Chapter 42

**Chapter 41**  
Sawyer was staring up at the path ahead with disgust. "This is the _easy_ way?" he asked. The mountains stretched before them as far as they could see; the thin path rose steadily up the side of the one in front of them and it was crooked and littered with boulders, smaller rocks, tree limbs and brush.

Kate's hand was warm in his; since his words earlier she hadn't let go of him if she could help it, as if she was afraid they wouldn't be true if she broke contact with him. Squeezing his hand gently, she stared at the trail too; her arm was throbbing and she wanted to curl up in Saywer's arms and let him make her forget about the pain. "Yeah, this is the easy one." She sighed wearily, leaning almost unconciously against him; he let go of her hand and wrapped her in his arms instead.

"You okay, Freckles? We can stop for a while." He lifted her chin with his finger, looking in her eyes, and he knew she was hurting even as she said, "Yeah, I'm fine."

He gazed at her for another second, searching her eyes for a lie. "You're not fine." Hugging her to him he called up the trail to Eko, who was walking behind a bouncing Vincent, "Hey, Ed! We need to take a break."

Eko stopped and came back down the trail, Vincent running ahead of him. He came to Kate with some concern, also seeing the pain she was trying to hide. "Katherine, are you alright?"

She nodded. "Yeah, my shoulder is sore." It was a vast understatement; even with it in the sling every step pulled on the stitches in the muscle and in her skin and all of the muscles across her back were stiff and inflamed.

Eko hesitated, looking at the pain in Kate's eyes, then turned to Sawyer. "James, it is time that I showed you something." He sighed. This was going to be tricky; he didn't want him to learn too much at one time.

Vincent sat in front of Sawyer, grinning, and he barked once. Saywer craned his head, looking at the dog like he had just recited Shakespeare; he shook his head in disbelief. "He's gonna show me _what_?" His eyes rose to Eko.

Giving the dog a look of consternation, Eko shook his finger at him. "Do not give it away, Vincent. Discretion is the word of the day, yes?"

He looked up to Sawyer for translation as Vincent whined and let out a yip. Sawyer was still staring at Eko in stunned shock and he didn't answer right away; Kate looked between the three of them, feeling a little left out. And a little freaked out. Still gazing at Eko, Sawyer finally said, "He said sorry, he didn't mean to let the cat out of the bag." He glanced at a grinning Vincent. "Bad joke." Vincent rolled over and put his paws in the air, whimpering a little; Kate couldn't help but laugh, though this was all feeling very surreal and she kept expecting to wake up, safely back on the beach.

Eko nodded at Vincent. "Yes, Vincent, that was a bad joke. But good for a dog," he laughed. Smiling kindly, he turned his eyes to Kate. "Katherine, I need James for a minute." She didn't look willing release him, and Eko said softly, "It's alright, Kate. Let him go."

She sighed and looked up to Sawyer, who was beaming down at her; he loved that she didn't want to let him go for even a minute but he needed to see what Eko had for him. Kissing her quickly, he whispered in her ear, "I'm not goin' anywhere, Freckles. Just wait for me, okay?"

Reluctantly she let him go, and kissing her again he moved away with Eko as Kate watched them. Vincent sat next to her, nosing her hand, and she patted him absently as she gazed at Sawyer. She still couldn't believe he'd said the words to her; she already _knew_ of course, but hearing them come from his lips had made all the difference in the world. He _loved_ her. It was out, there was no taking it back now. She wanted to say them back; she had them formed on her tongue, but her throat closed around her breath and she couldn't choke them out. As she sat watching him she ran them through her head like a mantra, willing him to hear them from her heart instead of her lips.

Eko pulled Sawyer away a few feet; he didn't want Kate to overhear, not yet. He looked Sawyer in the eyes and sighed gently, smiling a little. "James, I am going to show you something that is going to frighten you. Understand that, and move away from the fear. This is a gift given to you and it is time that you realized it; the time is coming when it will be sorely needed." Sawyer was staring at him, strangely calm. "Are you ready?"

He glanced at Kate, who gazed back at him with blazing eyes; something was rolling through her mind and he could almost read it but it was too shadowy and vague for him to grasp. "Ed, will this help me...keep Kate?"

Eko touched him gently, his eyes dancing. "_Everything_ you do will help keep her." He smiled and took on a businesslike air. "Now, James, Kate is in pain, yes?"

Saywer glanced at her again; he could see it written across her face. "Yes."

"And how does that make you feel?"

The words came to him automatically. "Helpless. Hurt."

Eko smiled again. "Good. You are not helpless, you know. Now, if you could take the pain from her onto yourself, bear it for her, would you?"

"Yes." There was no hesitation, though his voice was hoarse.

"Very good." He paused, glancing at Kate. "I want you to visualize it, see it in your mind. _See_ you taking her hurt from her and giving to yourself." He gave Sawyer a second, then said, "Can you see it?"

"Yes." His eyes were closed and he pictured himself reaching over to her and drawing her hurt from her, letting it wash over him and into him; he gloried in it.

"Open your eyes, James." He did, and Eko was smiling at him, broadly. "Now, James, I want you to visualize it again, _see_ it, but as you do I want you to touch her." Sawyer looked at him sharply and Eko nodded. "Trust me, James."

Hesitantly, Sawyer turned to her. Eko was right, he was frightened. He moved towards her, visualizing it; taking her pain for himself. He ran it over and over in his mind and as he approached her she smiled uncertainly, a little scared at his look. "Sawyer?"

His voice shook a little. "Kate, I'm gonna touch you but I don't know what's gonna happen." She was frightened; as he closed his eyes and pictured her hurt flowing out of her into him he reached out for her, hesitating. He was terrified. His fingertips touched her skin and he was filled with blazing agony; he heard her gasp and he opened his eyes, his body on fire. She was staring at him, in awe; the pain shooting through him compressed into one spot on his shoulder, where Kate's wound was. "Are you okay, Kate?"

She nodded, speechless. The pain was gone, completely gone. No ache, no throb, no pulling stitches. It didn't feel numb, either, and she waggled her arm experimentally; she could move it with not even a twinge. "I-it's gone, Sawyer. My arm doesn't hurt. _At all._"

The pain in Sawyer's shoulder was throbbing; slowly the throb lessened, compressing into a smaller and smaller space until it disappeared too.

They both turned at the same time and gazed at Eko, who was smiling serenely, happily. "Very good, James. Very good."

-----

Progress on the hatch was slow but they had cleared quite a large space by late afternoon; everyone sat in the shade to take a break from the heat. Jack and Ana sat close, but not _too_ close; when they had returned from the jungle everyone had studiously avoided looking at them, but Ana was sure she saw Michael grinning at her when he thought she wasn't looking.

Michael looked up from some papers covered in diagrams as Locke sat next to him; he had found them in his pocket, and he remembered taking them when the hallway in the Zoo had collapsed. They weren't making a lot of sense to him, the technical aspects of the diagrams were beyond his knowledge of construction; there were elements and metals that he had never even heard of. "Hello, Michael."

"Hey. What's up?" He and Locke had never been especially close; in fact, he didn't care for him much at all. He was too weird and way too interested in a little boy for Michael's comfort.

Locke glanced at the papers Michael had in his hand. "What's that?"

Michael sighed and pulled a paper to the top. "I don't know, actually. I grabbed these from the Zoo, but I can't make anything of them." he held one up and pointed to a hand drawn and labeled diagram. "This is some kind of chamber, but I can't figure out what it's for. It has something to do with magnets but I don't know what half of this stuff is." He shrugged. "I'm in construction, not nuclear physics." He hesitated, then handed Locke the papers. "Here. Maybe you can work 'em out."

Locke took the pages from him. "Thanks." He perused them shaking his head; this stuff was way beyond him, too. He looked closer as a word caught his attention, above one of the chamber diagrams was the word _tesseration_. "Interesting."

Michael glanced over, not really interested. At every opportunity Walt stole into his head, dragging him down into sorrow; Locke looked up from the papers and saw the expression on Michael's face. "Michael, you know Walt is okay. What is happening to him is his destiny. He is very special; the island would never hurt him."

Micahel glared at Locke. "What the hell do you know? Are you like Obi-Wan Kenobi or something?" He shook his head, getting to his feet. "Don't come and talk to me about my kid, man, telling me it's his destiny. Screw that! He is my son, and his destiny is with me."

He stalked off across the clearing and sat next to Ana, who smiled at him. "What was that about?"

Locke hadn't moved, he was still sitting in the same place, staring into the jungle. Michael glared in his direction, then scowled as he said, "Nothin'. He's nuts."

Ana gave Michael a knowing look. "I know it's easy to think that, Mike, but I can tell you he's not as crazy as you think." She ignored Jack's angry glance. "He may be one of the sanest people here."

Michael sighed. "I hope you're wrong, Ana. 'Cause if _he's_ the sanest one here," he shook his head, "we're all in a lot of trouble."

-----

They made good time up the pass, stopping to camp on a small plateau about halfway up; Kate didn't think it would be safe to go any further until morning, and Eko agreed. She disappeared into the trees to find them some food and Vincent went with her after barking to Sawyer.

"Yeah, you do that, pooch. We're all tired of fruit. Wait!" Vincent came back to him, Sawyer held his collar until Kate was out of sight, then he looked the dog in the eyes. "Watch her, okay?" Vincent woofed softly, and ran after Kate.

Eko had already built a fire, and he was sitting, staring into it. Sawyer sat next to him, wanting to ask about what had happened earlier; it was scaring him that he had _done_ that. What the hell was going on? He could talk to a dog, heal people with his touch, and strangest of all, he wasn't surprised, just concerned. "Ed, how did I do that?"

Eko smiled into the fire, not moving his gaze. "Ah, Cowboy. I cannot tell you."

Anger started to rise in him. "Why the hell not? I _healed_ her, just by touching her! The cut is gone. Vanished. Like my-" he paused, his eyes narrowing. "Like my shoulder."

"Two sides of the same coin, James. You and Katherine. You healed her, but she has healed you too, yes?" Sawyer was looking confused. "She did not _herself_ cure your wound, though she made a sacrifice that allowed it to be done. But that is not what I mean. She has _healed_ you."

Sawyer nodded. "Yeah." He hesitated again. "What is the Cloud, Ed?"

Eko closed his eyes and sighed. "It is difficult to explain, James, because its purposes are many and most are beyond even my comprehension. Let me just say it is a door."

"A door." Sawyer shook his head. "I _saw_ things, Ed. Things no one else knows."

"Yes. A door into yourself. You saw your past? Your present? You saw the _possibilities_ of your future." he leaned in close to Sawyer, staring him in the eyes. "It chose you, James, because it knows what you have it in you to be. It wants you to realize your potential, those possibilities."

"What did it do to me?" He was a little scared; reality was sliding away from him; he prayed for Kate to return soon so he could find his feet again by anchoring to her.

Eko smiled. "It did nothing. All of these things were already yours. It simply gave you the motivation and the knowledge to use them."

He didn't get it. Ed was usually pretty clear, but this was all gibberish to him; he could always talk to animals? He could heal people? What a load of crap. "This is crazy. What the hell is going on? And don't give me a bunch of crap about a door and mysterious powers and my path. I just wanna be with her. That's all I want." He stood, frustrated, and looked in the direction Kate had gone; he moved to go after her, but Eko stood, putting his hand on his arm; Eko flinched as a surge of electricity shot from Sawyer into his hand.

"James, please. Have I ever led you wrong before? I know this is frustrating. There is more for you to know but you are not ready. Katherine is not ready. Please have faith, James."

Sawyer stared at him, his anger fading a little. Vincent and Kate came out of the trees, she holding two of the squirrel-like animals in her hands. She looked flushed and excited, her eyes gleaming. "Hey. Vincent and I caught dinner."

Everything else was forgotten as he looked at her; face flush, sweaty tendrils of hair hanging in her face; eyes gleaming as she looked back, their eyes meeting. "Vincent and _you_? And don't lie, Kate, 'cause I can always ask him." Jumping on Sawyer, Vincent barked twice, and he ran to Kate and jumped on her, licking her face. She spluttered and dropped one of the animals, wiping his slobber from her cheek. Sawyer eyed her appreciatively. "Well, he said you helped him. That's good enough for me."

He went to her taking her face in his hands and he kissed her, softly, slowly; teasing her lips open he slid his tongue against hers, making her moan softly as she dropped the other creature and returned his kiss with passion, gripping his hair in her hands.

Sawyer broke it off and glanced around the plateau; Eko and Vincent were gone. He smiled and buried his head on Kate's shoulder; his hands slid up under her shirt, feeling her muscles glide beneath his fingers. "I knew I liked Ed for a reason," he said, "and for once he's got perfect timing."

He felt Kate tense, and he pulled back, looking at her carefully. His eyes met hers and held them. "Did it hurt you when...when you did it?"

His heart swelled; God he loved her. "No, Freckles," he said, pulling her head to his chest, wrapping his hands in her hair. "It didn't hurt at all."


	43. Chapter 43

**Chapter 42**  
They resumed their digging first thing in the morning; they had cleared a large area but there was still no sign of the hatch. It grew hot quickly, and Jack stopped digging long enough to wipe the sweat from his face with the bottom of his shirt; as he did he noticed Ana watching him as she helped loosen the earth, smiling. She was sweaty too, he could see it glistening on her skin and he felt himself stir; if he kept looking at her they would have to take another trip into the woods and they really needed to get this done. And everyone was already giving them funny looks anyway.

Jack's makeshift shovel hit something with a solid thunk; he glanced at Danielle, who came to his side. "Yes," she said, nodding slowly. "This is it. This is the hatch." She looked at Jack, whose impatience was already beginning to show as he started to dig faster; the physical labor also helped lessen his need to drag Ana off and have his way with her. "We cannot open it until they come back," she said, "We have time."

Watching Jack, Locke shook his head. He was so driven and if he would just put that energy to better use he could do so much more. Although, for the past few days apparently he had _been_ putting it to better use; Ana turned to look at him and he smiled as she came over to him. "Tired of digging already?" She smiled. If only he knew.

"Yeah," she laughed, "I did plenty on the other side of the island." She wanted to ask him about her visions, the gargoyle and Him; they kept popping into head whenever she let her mind wander and every time they scared her a little more. Not just what the visions were of, but what they meant for her sanity. "Locke," she hesitated, "I have been...seeing things, lately."

"Like what?" He knew about the gargoyle; he had seen at Jack's heels too that day in the jungle. He smiled at her, encouragingly.

She looked away, a little embarassed. "A gargoyle. I saw it snapping at Jack. Twice. He didn't see it." She looked at him, and he could see her anxiety. "Am I going crazy?"

Locke laughed gently. "No, Ana. None of are crazy." He leaned in so only she could hear him. "I saw it too, that day." He nodded at her surprise. "That is for Jack; it's his demon. I'm not sure why it showed itself to you. That's something you have to find the answer to yourself." He studied her eyes, and smiled kindly. "What else did you see?"

How did he know? "Someone I...knew." She swallowed hard, looking away. "He's dead."

Locke nodded knowingly. "Yes," he said, "this place has many ghosts." He rubbed his forehead, and looked up at her. "Ghosts are restless spirits that are trapped in our plane of existence, our reality. They need something before they can move on to _their_ reality; what that something is depends. Sometimes they need fulfillment, sometimes it's revenge, sometimes it's justice." Ana started at that a little, and Locke smiled to himself. "Ah. You killed him."

She stared at him with fear and shock. "What?"

"Justice, Ana. That is what he wants from you."

Ana laughed harshly, bitterly. "Justice, John?" She shook her head violently. "Justice is what I gave him. He won't get another damn thing from me."

Locke gazed at her for another minute. "Ana," he said softly, "What you are seeing is not of the island. You brought his ghost with you; it is _in_ you. If you want to be rid of him, of his restless spirit, then you have to find they way to do that yourself." He smiled. "But the island can help you. It can lead you in the direction you need to go."

"How?" She was torn between believing him and putting him on the Looneytown Express with Danielle, but deep down she knew he was right. Jason's ghost had been haunting her for a long time but the real world had held him at bay; here, in this...place...there was nothing to keep him away.

Locke smiled. "Have faith, Ana. The island will show you when you are ready."

Suddenly she wanted it to be now; she was ready to be rid of Him. "I am ready."

Shaking his head at her, Locke whispered gently, "No, Ana. Not yet. The time will come when the island will ask a sacrifice of you. If you can make that sacrifice then you will be ready." He paused. "Be patient, Ana-Lucia. Patience is the key."

She laughed humorlessly. "Well, bad news for me. I'm not really the patient type."

Locke glanced at Jack, who was steadily digging, barely pausing to breathe. "Then you and Jack are in the same boat. Be careful and cautious, Ana, because hasty actions will sink your fragile ship." He put his hand gently on her arm and she felt a shock, like static electricity.

She drew back with a little gasp; Locke smiled at her and removed his hand, and walking away left her alone with her ghost.

-----

Kate heard Eko and Vincent return a few hours later; she was curled up against Sawyer, feeling his steady breath on her neck as he slept. She wasn't tired at all; after their lovemaking she had cooked the two squirrels she and Vincent had caught while Sawyer watched her with glowing eyes.

He couldn't bear to even take his eyes from her; as she spitted the two animals to put them over the fire he sat up and took one from her, holding it over the flames. She scooted over to him, pressing her side to him as she held hers out too. They didn't speak; they didn't have to. Where her skin touched him he felt electrified; her thoughts flowed into him, though he couldn't read them, he just got her _feeling_, her emotions. He smiled. He liked this, feeling her feel for him and he leaned as close against her as he could.

She smiled as he pressed closer; his body was thrumming with energy and it washed over her in waves, energizing her in return. She was still a little freaked out from the whole healing thing but as always, being with him, touching him- everything else just disappeared and she could be content to just _be_ with him for a while; those other things could be dealt with later.

They split one of the squirrels and left the other for Vincent and Eko; Sawyer had never thought wild jungle squirrel could taste so good; his senses were heightened and his taste buds nearly exploded with pleasure as the tender, slighty gamy meat touched his tongue. Anything was better than more fruit.

They lay together after eating, wrapped up together on the ground and Sawyer kissed her, softly, sending electric pulses through her lips all the way down to her toes. Caressing her, he slowly, gently removed her clothes, leaving her lying bare and shaking as he removed his and stretched out over her; his skin on hers froze them both as electricity coursed from him into her making her gasp; he caught her mouth with his and she shook as his skin pulsed against hers. As he pushed gently into her she sighed and closed her eyes as he kissed her, moving slowly while his hands caressed her; he stopped and looked at her, willing her to open her eyes. She did, and the look on his face stilled her heart; it was love, yes, but more than that; it was need and want and _fulfillment_ melded together, and he whispered into her ear as he moved in her, "I love you, Kate. I need you."

Emotions so strong she couldn't bear them flooded her, threatening to drown her beneath them. I love you, she thought, over and over as she clutched him closer, feeling his body in hers, hearing his words in her ears. Please hear me. She didn't know why she couldn't say the words; something held her back. Everyone she had ever loved she had lost; if she didn't say it, then just maybe she wouldn't lose him too.

He drew back, looking into her eyes as the mantra was repeated over and over in her head; I love you, I love you, I love you. Smiling, he touched her cheek, gently and then traced his finger along her flushed and full lips. "I know, Kate."

She groaned and pushed herself against him, he moaned softly and continued his slow, gentle pace; rockets exploded behind Kate's eyes as she tensed and shuddered against him; but instead of following her over the edge he kept up the slow, gentle thrusts and she shook as her body was rocked with a thousand tremors as she climaxed against him again. He finally sped up, going faster but still gently; She nearly screamed out as at last he groaned and they shuddered together, shaking against each other in release.

They were quiet for a long time, their breath synchronizing as the sweat cooled on them; finally they dressed, their eyes never leaving each other. They curled up on the ground, together, Kate's back against his chest; his hands wrapped firmly around her waist, his breath fluttered in her ear and goosebumps raised on her arms.

"I can hear them all." He whispered in her ear, and she felt his arms constrict against her. "All of the animals. I can understand them, but it's kinda like when you're in a restaurant, and you can hear the people but you can't really pick out particular conversations or words, unless they are right next to you."

Kate rolled over to look at him, her chest pressed against his as his hands slid up beneather her shirt, splaying across her back. "Can you hear me, too? What I'm thinking?"

He grinned, ducking his head against her neck. "Yeah, sometimes." He kissed her. "But it's usually just your feelings. Not really any words." He smiled sweetly at her. "Except for those. I heard those."

She grinned and kissed him, feeling the electricity pulse against her again. "I'm glad."

He moaned a little against her. "Me too."

He'd fallen asleep then, but Kate couldn't keep her eyes closed; every time she shut them they flew open again like they were on springs. She heard Eko and Vincent, and she raised her head. "Hey," she said softly as Vincent came to her, licking her quietly. "We saved you some squirrel."

Eko nodded, and came to sit softly next to her; Vincent lay quietly on the other side of Sawyer, resting his head on his paws. "Is he alright, Katherine? I know that was a shock for you both."

She nodded, whispering back. "Yeah. It was a shock." She looked up at him, then over at the man sleeping next to her; she reached out automatically and brushed away a strand of his hair making him stir gently, tightening his arms around her. A stab of fear rocketed through her, making her lose her breath; she tore her gaze from him and planted it back on Eko. "I'm scared," she whispered, breathlessly, her hands tightening around Sawyer's. "I'm afraid of losing him."

Eko nodded, but his answer wasn't reassuring. "You should be, Katherine. The future is not set in stone, anything can happen. But I believe that everything will be alright in the end, and you must believe so as well."  
He nodded to Sawyer. "He needs you. Do not let him go. Keep him with you, and together you have a chance." His eyes sparkled and he said, quietly, "Live together, die alone, Katherine. there were never truer words spoken." He stood. "Thank you for saving Vincent and I dinner. We have a hard trek tomorrow. I suggest you get a little sleep."

She smiled and relaxed against Sawyer as Vincent chuffed lightly and padded over to Eko. Closing her eyes, she finally let sleep take her.


	44. Chapter 44

**Chapter 43**

When Kate woke she knew without looking that Sawyer was not next to her; a cold emptiness filled the space where he should have been and she sat up in a panic, casting her eyes around the plateau frantically. They lit on him where he was sitting at the edge of the path facing the sun, his shirt off as he basked in the sun. Vincent sat next to him, also staring at the sunlit jungle below them; Kate started as she noticed Sawyer's hands. A little bird was perched on his finger, chirping madly at him as he smiled at it, nodding. As she watched in amazement another flew in and landed on his shoulder, also chirping at him angrily. Sawyer noticed her watching him and he grinned at her; she looked back at him questioningly.

"Problems at home," he said, motioning to the two birds. Kate rose and went to him, and as she sat next to him one of the birds flew onto her shoulder, chattering madly in her ear; she froze and looked at Sawyer, who smiled at her reassuringly.

"He bring another chick home to the nest?" The shock of the bird landing on her faded and she smiled back at him.

Sawyer grinned, his eyes shining as he gazed at her. "Nothing that interestin'," he said. "Wings," he pointed to the one on his shoulder who was still nattering angrily at the other, "I guess he left the eggs alone while Beaky was out."

She sniggered. "Wings and Beaky? Are those their names or yours?" The bird on her shoulder suddenly stopped chittering at Wings and instead started to squawk in her ear.

Laughing, Sawyer said, "Those are their names. And I think you pissed Beaky off." He listened for a second as the little bird chirped, then he said, "She says Kate is a pretty funny name too."

Kate turned and gave the little bird sitting on her shoulder a disgusted look; chirping angrily once more at Wings she flew off towards the jungle. The bird sitting on Sawyer cocked his head in the direction his mate had gone; giving one little whistle of despair he turned his little eyes on Sawyer, who chuckled a little, stealing a furtive glance at Kate. "Yeah. Women."

Kate giggled, hiding it behind her hand. Wings fluttered _his_ wings and took off into the sky and Sawyer watched them go; smiling he turned to Kate and hugged her. "Mornin' Freckles."

"Hey," she said softly as his lips met hers. She sighed a little as he broke away, his arms still enfolding her. "So now your powers extend to marriage counseling?"

He chuckled. "I was kinda dragged into it." He shivered a little as her fingers caressed his bare chest and he gave her a warning look. "Don't start somethin' you can't finish, Freckles."

Eyes flashing mischieviously she kept her fingers roaming over him; he groaned a little as her fingers slid low, across the front of his jeans and he kissed her hard, sliding his hands into her hair as her hand stopped and pressed gently down on him.

Vincent rolled his eyes up at them and huffed through his nose; Kate stopped and pulled away, cutting her eyes at the dog. "Sawyer, he's watching us." It was a little weird.

Giving Vincent a look, Sawyer said, "Do you mind?"

Vincent rose, looking insulted. He woofed angrily at Sawyer, then giving Kate a withering stare trotted huffily into the jungle. Kate waited for Sawyer to translate but he grinned but didn't say anything. "Well?"

"I'd keep a good eye on my pack if I were you." He pulled her close again, grazing his lips across hers; he could feel the goosebumps raise on her arms. She wanted him again; sometimes he was amazed at her appetite for him, for _them_. He was just as hungry for her; he craved her touch and her body, her love and her heart.

The kiss deepened; it was broken by Vincent barking ferociously in the trees. They jumped to their feet, running to their packs to grab their guns and Sawyer said, "They have Mike."

They ran into the jungle as Kate shot him a terrified glance; Vincent's barking had become more urgent and Sawyer ran even faster as Kate tried to keep up. She lost sight of him and cold panic set in, freezing her breath in her chest; she stopped dead in her tracks as she came up on him, gun out, pointing it at Frank.

Two shadowy figures stood behind him, holding..._Michael_. He was awake, but immobile; Vincent was trying in vain to lick him but the shadows kept rebuffing him. He whined and Sawyer snapped at him, "Vincent." The dog dropped his head and came to stand beside Sawyer, who patted him gently between his ears. Kate's stomach dropped; his voice was cold and distant and deadly; Eko's words echoed in her head, _Do not let him do anything...rash._ This didn't feel right; she ran to him, putting her hand on the arm holding the gun steadily on Frank. "Sawyer, don't do this."

He didn't answer her. "Where are you taking Mike?"

Kate got her first really good look at Frank; he was _young_; she expected at least someone in their late fifties; he looked like he was thirty-five at the most. That was impossible, of course, even if he had only been in his twenties when he conned Sawyer's mother that would put him in his early fifties. His hair was dark with no trace of gray; he had a bushy beard but his eyes were hard and empty; Kate shivered and instinctively moved closer to Sawyer as his hand went around her, pulling her behind him. "Well, Ford, we're takin' him to Walt. Because he wants him."

"I don't believe you're gonna do that, Pard." He had reverted to his icy drawl and Kate's skin crawled at the coldness of it.

"Really? And what do you think you're gonna do about it? Shoot me?"

Sawyer growled, "Yeah."

Frank smiled and Kate shrank away from it; she could feel his eyes on her and it made her feel dirty and tainted, like she wasn't _good_. "Well, I guess if you shoot me, then We'll just have to shoot her." He nodded at Kate and Sawyer froze as he felt Kate's terror soaking into him; smirking, Frank said, "That's what I thought. You Ford men let these women get under your skin; that's why your daddy shot your mama, it wasn't the money, it was that she had been with me."

He leered at Sawyer, who had not lowered the gun; Kate willed her thoughts to him as hard as she could, Don't do it, don't do it, please, please, don't do it. He hesitated, then looked back at her. "I have to."

Vincent growled at him and Sawyer looked down at the dog, "You too, huh? Since when are you on her side? Guess I can't win." He lowered the gun, defeated, and Kate noted the look in Frank's eye; he was staring at the dog in amazement.

Eko chose that moment to come into the clearing; he stopped at the scene before him, Sawyer with lowered gun, Kate and Vincent by his side, the Others with Michael. He put his hands up and approached them, his eyes searching Sawyer's. "James, what is going on?"

Sawyer looked away. "Nothing. We were just leaving." He looked at Michael sadly and whipered, "I'm sorry, Mike." It was tearing him apart to give up but Kate was more important than anything; if she died what good would killing Frank do him? If Kate died he was dead anyway.

He turned to go back to the plateau when Frank spoke again; Kate froze, stepping in front of Sawyer to block him as he said, "You and I will have our time, Ford. Remember, we play by the laws of the jungle here. To the victor go the spoils." He eyed Kate at that. "And I can't wait to get my hands on them." He licked his lips nastily and her stomach churned; she felt Sawyer tense to spring _through_ her to get at him but Eko's hand fell on his arm, shocking him before a surge of power from him made Eko draw his hand back in surprise.

He was going to do it, Kate could feel it; there was no stopping him. She spun around to face him, putting both hands against his bare chest; jolts of electricity ran through her arms into her shoulders but she kept them in place, holding him back with her presence. "Sawyer, please don't do this now. I'm not worth it. This isn't the right time."

He stared at her like she was insane. "You're not worth it?" His eyes shone with hurt as he stopped trying to get past her; Frank snickered and waved to him nastily as they melted into the jungle.

Sawyer dropped his gun on the ground, suddenly hating the feel of it in his hands. He turned away and walked into the trees blindly, Vincent at his heels, growling with concern. Kate hesitated a second before running after him. "Sawyer." He didn't stop. "Sawyer! Please stop!"

He did, turning slowly to her. "How could you say that?" He stepped up to her, eyes blazing with anger and love. "Do you want me to be with you, Kate? Do you want me to be _wholly_ yours?"

She stared at him, terrified at the look in his eyes; she held his gaze, whispering, "Yes, I do, Sawyer. I want _all_ of you."

Love shone a little brighter in his eyes. "Then I have to kill him. I _have_ to. James can't ever belong to you until I do."

Her eyes didn't leave his as she said, "I know that, Sawyer. But this wasn't the right time." She sighed and put her arms around him, holding him tight; after a second his arms went around her too. "I want you, Sawyer. I don't want a single inch of you to belong to anyone else." Pausing, she looked up to him and met his eyes, holding them. "But I don't want you to die for it. I'll give up that inch for the rest of you."

He buried his head in her hair, his heart beating wildly as her voice spoke in his head. I love you. I love you. I love you.

-----

The campfire had burned low; it was just a glowing pile of embers as three pairs of dirty legs in ragged pants materialized beside it. They snuck around the sleeping bodies until they found the one they wanted; in a flash they had him restrained and were dragging him through the jungle before he could make a sound. Michael strained against them; their touch was unpleasant; it was that strange tinfoil sensation. One of them said something to another and he felt something touch his forehead. Everything went black.

Locke snapped awake at the rustle of the bushes; he glanced around. Jack, Ana, Danielle...where was Michael? Dread settled in his gut; he jumped up and shouted, "Michael!" No answer, but his cry woke the others. "Michael!"

Jack leapt to his feet, scanning the clearing blearily. "What's happening?"

Locke was feeling a little panicky. "They took Michael. He's gone."

Jack flared instantly into action. "What?" He turned to Danielle, who was standing serenely behind him. "Where are They taking him?"

She shrugged. "I don't know."

He got in her face; Locke and Ana stared as he snarled at her. "Yes, you do. Tell me where he is."

She didn't look upset, surprised, nothing. She was blank. "I can't tell you."

Jack was glaring at her crazily; losing Michael was freaking him out. "You're hiding something. Why are you protecting Them?"

Danielle stood straight, looking down her nose at Jack with disdain. "You really are thick, aren't you?" She leaned close to him, all pretense of insanity gone. "I _am_ one of Them."

They all stared after her as she disappeared into the jungle, a hazy, smoky cloud enveloping her as she faded into the trees.


	45. Chapter 45

**Chapter 44**

Jack rushed Locke, grabbing him by the shirt and shaking him before Ana could stop him; she tried in vain to pull him off but he was enraged and he shook her off without a thought. "This your fault, John! Michael's gone and that's on you!"

Locke remained calm and that infuriated Jack even more. "You believed her too, Jack. This is on you too."

"I told you she was crazy. That we couldn't trust her." He paled a little and his eyes blazed crazily as he shook Locke again. "We sent Kate and Sawyer off on some wild goose chase on her word. We sent them straight into the lion's den, Locke, and we did that on _your_ word." He released Locke with a shove, picking up his pack and slinging it on his back.

Ana was watching him, warily; he was freaked out and the last thing he needed to do was go tromping off through the jungle. "Jack, what are you doing?"

He glanced at her angrily. "I'm going after...one of them." Uncertainty struck him like a hammer; if he went after Michael then Kate and Sawyer would be delivering themselves into the hands of the Others for no reason; if he went after them then he left Michael to a terrible fate- but he had a better chance of finding Kate and Sawyer. "I'm going after Kate and Sawyer."

"Jack," Ana said softly, putting her hand on his heaving chest, "Are you really gonna go running blindly into the jungle in the middle of the night?"

Breathing heavily, he stared at her for a minute; reason filtered into his brain at her touch and his shoulders sagged a little as he shook his head. "No."

Locke smiled. "We'll go at daybreak, Jack-"

Jack spun on him, snarling, "No. You're not going. You stay here and finish the hatch. We're gonna get them and bring them back here, and then we're gonna see what's in this damn hole. And I _really_ hope it's not another doomsday computer."

Smiling, Locke spread his hands out. "Fine, Jack. But I am doing it this way because I want to get in there, not because you're ordering me to. You're not the ruler of the city. Not yet."

Craziness was flickering in Jack's eyes again as he stared at Locke. "What the hell does that mean?"

Locke rubbed his forehead and squinted at him, smiling ruefully. "Nothing Jack. I was just thinking about a story I heard not too long ago." He glanced up at the stars shining through the canopy and he felt a pulse from the island. "It will be light in a couple of hours. If you plan on going after them at dawn you'd better get a little more rest."

Jack glared at him and hoisted his pack higher; he turned to Ana. "Are you coming?"

She glanced between him and Locke; she didn't really want to go wandering in the jungle in the dark, but if she knew anything about Jack it was that once he got it in his head to do something he was going to do it, especially if it was Locke goading him into it. His demon, she thought, and as she did it appeared in the embers of the fire, snapping silently at Jack's heels. It didn't scare her as much this time; she almost expected it, and she glanced at Locke. He saw it too, and he smiled at her.

Jack took in the silent exchange and it pissed him off; he was already mad that Ana even hesitated at all when he asked her to come and now she was sharing some secret smile with Locke. After what they...did...he didn't see why it should even be hard for her to make a decision; it made him feel small and insignificant to her, like she didn't care about anything but the sex. He shook his head in disgust at himself and stomped off into the trees, leaving Ana behind.

She hesitated, then grabbed her pack and followed him into the dark, pulling out her flashlight as she did. She should have known better than to deliberate; with Jack it was black and white, him or them; no in between. And indecision was just a weakness, though she hadn't really been undecided; she would have gone no matter what.

The thin beam from the light illuminated the path in front of her; she could just see his heels in the edge of the light. "Jack." He stopped and turned to wait for her.

"I didn't think you were coming. Figured you were going to stay with your buddy." Sarcasm dripped from him like acid; it burned her where his words fell and that pissed her off.

"Shut up, Jack. You are such an asshle sometimes." She snapped it at him, her hands angrily cocked on her hips. "You think just because I screwed you a couple of times I have to do everything you say when you snap your fingers?"

He snorted in disgust. "That was pretty crude, Ana. But then I guess that's what I should expect from _you_." The words were out before he could stop them; the frustration over Locke, Danielle and Michael and the fear for Kate and Sawyer came to a point and he snapped.

"Excuse me?" Ana was tense and glaring; she couldn't believe what he had just said. "Expect what from me, exactly?" Her voice was cold and dangerous.

"Oh, come on, Ana. We barely know each other and you're in the sack with me without hesitation? Or should I say the shower? _That's_ what I mean." He couldn't believe he was saying these things; he didn't mean any of them but he couldn't stop the words from passing his lips.

"Really. Well, you've known me longer than Kate, but I bet you wouldn't be calling her a whore if it was her you had in the shower." She knew those words cut him and she smiled grimly. Kate would always be a weapon; unfortunately she could be used both ways.

He smiled coldly. "Well, I wouldn't be just _fucking_ Kate."

Ana snorted, though it felt like a knife was twisting in her gut. "That's always been obvious. I hope you enjoy pining after her for the rest of your life, 'cause I can tell you she is _never_ gonna leave Sawyer for you."

"I know that." The anger was gone; his voice was just sad. "Stay or go, Ana, it's up to you. I don't care." He turned and kept walking without looking back; she sighed, glancing back at the camp; turning her flashlight after Jack she followed his heels as they led the way.

-----

They crested the ridge of the pass and started descending; it wasn't much easier; the path was littered with loose stones that would shake loose at the touch of a foot and make them slip and slide to keep their balance. Eko was far ahead; Vincent padded a few feet in front of them like a scout; he sniffed at the bushes and sticks as he passed; occasionally he would woof out something to Sawyer, who would translate to Kate. She was still in awe of him, what he could do, but she was becoming adjusted to it, strangely enough; he could talk to animals and it was perfectly normal, he could heal her with just his touch and that was fine too. She wondered if he had anymore tricks up his sleeve.

Vincent yipped; Sawyer smiled and chuckled, then glanced down at Kate, who was looking for him to explain. "He said whoever...well, to use a more delicate term than his, pooped...there had some serious digestion issues."

Kate eyes him with mild disgust. "Is that really what guys talk about when they hang out? I mean, does that stuff just come up in idle conversation?"

"Well, sure, Freckles. What do women talk about? Shopping?" He squeezed her to him as he grinned.

She shook her head and gave him a naughty smile as she leaned up and whispered into his ear. Eyes widening, he nodded and smiled triumphantly. "I _knew_ it. Us poor boys get all the blame when it comes to locker room talk." He looked wistfully at her. "I wish I could be a fly on the wall when you tell your friends about _me_."

"I don't have any friends to tell." Her voice was cheery, but Sawyer could _feel_ her sorrow. He had never fully appreciated how lonely her life on the run must have been; he was lonely and he didn't have any bosom buddies but he had a few guys he could have a beer with, and of course he always had women, and though he didn't really care about them, they were at least company. Kate was _alone_; except for the ill-fated bank robber boyfriend and the Marshal. He suddenly understood why she had asked him to shoot the Marshal, why she couldn't do it; he was the closest thing she had to a friend in the world.

Sadness and pity for her flooded him though he tried to hide it; Kate wouldn't appreciate it any more than he did; her life was her life and she had to deal with it. And anyway, she wasn't alone anymore. "Kate, you have friends. What about Sun? And Claire? They care about you." He turned his head slightly, so she couldn't see his eyes. "Jack is your friend."

She laughed and he glanced down at her. "Well, I appreciate that you included Jack, but there is no way I would ever talk to him about _that_." She laughed harder, and he had to join her; it was infectious. "Can you just see the look on his face?" She bent over double, gasping for air; her giggles finally stopped and she raised up, her eyes wet with hysterical tears and her face flushed. "Damn, that was funny." She hiccupped and started laughing again.

He stared at her in awe; she was so friggin' _beautiful_ it hurt his eyes to look at her. She hiccupped again, still giggling, and he reached out and touched her shoulder lovingly; her hiccups were gone. She looked at him, wonderingly, and he smiled. And hiccupped. She snorted and sat hard on the ground as giggles shook her again; Sawyer sat next to her and kissed her, cutting off her laughter; She raised her hands to his face and he pressed her back into the springy soil, lying against her. He hiccupped again and Kate burst into laughter that was quickly stifled by his searching tongue and his insistent lips.

Kate felt something wet and cold on the back of her neck and she broke away from Sawyer to see what it was; a fuzzy face and black nose were right in her face. She gasped and jumped a little; Sawyer glared up at the happily panting dog. "What, Fido? You keep interrupting me and we're gonna have a serious problem."

Vincent came as close to rolling his eyes as a dog can; Kate felt a sudden empathy with Vincent. She could relate to the eye-rolling. He woofed impatiently at Sawyer, who looked diappointed. "Okay, okay, tell him to keep his underoos on. We'll be right behind you." Vincent woofed again, looking obviously unconvinced. Sawyer narrowed his eyes. "It takes longer than two minutes, dumbass dog. Just 'cause you can hunch a pillow in sixty seconds don't mean that's how it's supposed to be done."

Kate giggled again and Sawyer looked down at her, smiling. "Two minutes, eh, Tex?" She shook her head. "You take at least four."

Vincent grinned and woofed, his tongue hanging out with doggy laughter. Sawyer rolled his eyes."No, you can't watch for pointers! Get outta here, you pervy dog!" Vincent yipped and ran off into the trees and Saywer shook his head in exasperation, dropping his mouth back to Kate's, but she kept bursting into giggles randomly and it tended to break his concentration. After a few minutes he gave up and rolled away from her, a little irritated.

"I'm sorry, Sawyer. I haven't had the giggles like this in a long time." Her stomach hurt and she tried to pace her breathing but every thirty seconds she'd start laughing again when she pictured Jack's face if she sat down and had a girl-talk with him about...that. She sat and pulled her knees up under her chin, still shaking intermittently with random chuckles, but they tapered off as Sawyer watched her, irritation gone as he was entranced by her.

She finally took a deep shaky breath, willing herself not to laugh again; she held her hand out to Sawyer, who took it and pulled her up against him, kissing her deeply as she pressed into him, any desire for laughter gone.

He broke away, sighing and nodding in the direction Vincent had gone. "We'd better go before Ed sends Lassie back to find us." He shook his head, grinning. "You think I'm a southern pervert, huh? You should have heard what Vincent was saying. Whoever said dogs have cleaner mouths than us obviously never had a one-on-one with a horny-ass mutt."

She grimaced with disgust. "Ugh. I am never letting him lick me again."

Saywer looked at her closely. "Freckles, have you ever taken a good look at where he licks _himself?_"

She burst into laughter again, and he hugged her to him, feeling the vibrations against his chest. Slowly, together, they went after Vincent into the jungle.


	46. Chapter 46

**Chapter 45**  
As they reached the bottom of the pass they picked up their pace; they had to cross the valley and the other pass before nightfall. Kate had been running things over in her mind and something was nagging at her. She caught up to Eko, who was walking a few yards ahead of her through the trees and said, "Eko, something has been bothering me. You said that Frank was trying to draw Sawyer out, make him go to Them; but this morning when They could have taken him they didn't. Why?"

Eko didn't slow his pace. "They cannot _take_ him. He must go to them willingly."

Kate considered that for a second, then said, "But he _did_ go to them willingly. When..." She couldn't say the words, and Eko nodded.

"Yes, but that was different. He went to them for _you_, to save you. He must go to them for _himself_, for his own selfish reasons. It weakens him." He looked over at her, frowning. "And they want him weakened. That is why they use Frank Sawyer to entice him. And that is why you must stop him from going. At all costs."

"Why do They want him weak? What the hell is going on, Eko?" None of this made sense, and Kate was terrified for Sawyer; they were going to keep throwing Frank at them and she wasn't sure she could keep holding him back.

Eko sighed sadly at her. "I cannot tell you those things yet, Katherine. You and James will learn in time. Please be patient and trust me."

Kate looked down at their moving feet; dread settled in the pit of her stomach at the idea of him going to Them again. "Eko, I'm scared for us. I don't think I can keep him from going eventually."

Eko smiled. "Oh, Katherine, he _will_ go eventually. But he must be ready. That is what this is about, you know, this fool's errand we are on. It is to prepare him for what lies ahead."

She was quiet for a second, then she asked in a tiny voice, "What lies ahead?" She wasn't sure she wanted to know the answer to that.

Turns out she didn't, as Eko said, softly. "Death and Redemption. Darkness and Light." Her heart thudded to a stop. "It is always darkest before the dawn, Katherine. And the dawn is a new day."

Sawyer and Vincent were behind them, talking as Sawyer threw sticks for him to fetch. Vincent couldn't get enough of it, and Sawyer was getting tired and bored with the game. "Enough, Rover, " he said, as Vincent brought him the stick for roughly the _millionth_ time, "Can we do something else?"

Vincent dropped the stick and woofed softly, wagging his tail. Sawyer rolled his eyes and said, "I don't know. What games do you know?" Vincent perked up his ears and wagged his tail frantically as Sawyer shook his head. "Ones that don't involve me throwin' anything." The dog's tail and ears drooped dejectedly. "Why don't you amuse yourself for awhile?" His eyes had wandered to Kate and he just wanted to watch her; he loved to oberve her when she didn't think he was looking and she was absorbed in her conversation with Eko.

Vincent was trotting next to him, now, woofing up at him every five seconds; it was getting annoying because he was trying to concentrate on looking at the back of Kate's jeans. "What?" he finally snapped, and as Vincent yipped at him, looking hurt, he said, "I don't know, Rover. Use your brain for somethin' more creative than fetchin' sticks."

Vincent grinned and barked; Sawyer looked at him with disgust. "Don't you worry about what I use mine for. And quit tryin' to see that anyway. It's none of your damn business." He looked even more disgusted as Vincent chuffed and growled a little. "No, I don't try to look at yours! Believe me, dog-on-dog is not my thing." The thought was revolting and he shivered a little. "Ugh. You're a dirty, dirty dog."

Vincent stopped short, his grin gone, and he sniffed the air; his hackles rose and he bared his teeth at the jungle to their right, growling deep in his chest. Everyone froze and turned to look; Eko motioned Sawyer to him. "James. Come here now."

Sawyer joined him and smiled at Kate, who was staring fearfully between him and the trees. Touching her hand gently, he whispered, "Freckles, go hold Vincent." She looked into his eyes and finally nodded, going to hold the growling Vincent by the collar.

Sawyer turned his attention to Eko. "It is time for you to learn something else. Are you ready?"

He nodded, glancing back at Kate. Everything he did was for her; he could face anything if she was there beside him. "Yeah, Ed. I'm ready."

Eko smiled. "Okay. What is in those bushes is your enemy. It wants to hurt you. To hurt Katherine." He smiled as Sawyer automatically tensed at the mention of Kate; this would be easy. "I want you to be angry, James. Angry at the enemy." He gave him the chance to build his anger at the thing that threatened her. "Are you full of fury? Can you feel it?"

"Yes." He snarled it; his anger had grown swiftly and with it had come electrical pulses through him; he felt like he had been touched by a live wire.

Eko nodded, tensely. The bushes rattled again and Vincent's growls grew deeper and louder, more visceral; Sawyer said, "It's the cat. From the Zoo."

Kate tensed when he said it and gripped Vincent's collar tighter; she pulled her gun and cocked it, but at the sound Eko turned to her and shook his head. "No, Katherine. That will not be necessary."

Suddenly it came screaming out of the jungle at Sawyer and he reacted instinctively, throwing his hands up; the cat hit his hands with a screech and Kate screamed as its paws slashed at Sawyer, trying to claw him to pieces, but then blue lightning forked from his hands, electrifying the cat as it touched him. It was held in place as the sparks coursed into it; Sawyer froze, horrified, and the lightning died out, dropping the cat at his feet.

Eko nodded at Sawyer's astonished gaze; he looked at his hands strangely, as if they didn't belong to him. He turned to look at Kate; she was staring at him with fear and a little disgust; the cat was smoking from its mouth and nose and it smelled horribly of burnt skin and hair. Nausea washed over Sawyer and he held down the urge to puke as he moved away from the cat's smoking carcass. "What the hell did I just do?"

Eko stared at the cat for a minute, then said, "Why did you drop your gun earlier today, after the run-in with Them?"

Sawyer was startled; he hadn't seen that question coming; he thought about it. "I didn't like the feel of it in my hands. It felt...unnatural." Which should have struck him as funny; he loved the feel of a gun in his hands. But now the idea revolted him, he didn't want to feel the cold, clammy metal.

"Yes," Eko said. "it would. You have a natural defense, as you just saw, and the electricity and the metal guns do not mix. You don't need one, anyway."

Sawyer nodded. "What was that? How did I do it?"

Eko smiled. "Your anger, James, created a current, and that current has to flow somewhere. Practice focusing your anger and you will become stronger." He shook his head warningly, grinning a little. "That does not mean I want you to walk around being angry; you will have opportunity enough as it is."

Saywer smiled. "Gotcha, chief." He smiled back to Kate, who was still staring at the cat, gripping Vincent's collar. "Freckles, you can let go now."

She started, then looked at her hands as if she was just noticing she held Vincent at all. "Yeah," she said, letting him go, still stunned.

Saywer was suddenly concerned; he wanted to hold Kate but now he was kind of afraid to, what if he did that to her? God knows, sometimes he was angry enough at her.

Eko noticed his expression and smiled, gently. "You have to really want to hurt them, James. And no matter how angry she may make you, you would never _really_ want to harm her." Kate was coming towards them and Eko leaned in and whispered, "She is the source of your power, James. Your love and hers combine to create a force that nothing can overcome. But beware; anything that separates you is a weakness, a chink in the armor."

Kate was beside them as Eko drew away from Sawyer's ear; Sawyer reached out to touch her and she flinched away, almost involuntarily. He was irritated for a second, but then he smiled and held his hand out to her. "It's okay, Freckles. I ain't gonna fry you, unless you tick me off." He let her fingers touch him; she sighed and leaned into him, wrapping her arms around his waist. "So you better stay in line."

She snorted against his chest; he felt tingly under her cheek, like his skin was still electrified. "You'll need more than a little fireworks display to keep me in line, Sparky."

He focused; he didn't really want to hurt her, but he could summon enough spark to give her a shock and touching her belly he shot her a little flare; she gasped and jumped away, looking surprised and a little angry. "What the hell was that?"

"Just keeping you in line." He grinned and she came back to him, warily, giving him a look of warning. He kissed her, and as his tongue touched hers he focused again and shot a little jolt across it; she didn't jump, but her eyes flew open in pleasure and she moaned a little. He pulled away, grinning. "Maybe _that_ will keep you in line, then, eh?"

Eko came up to them smiling. "We must go," he said. "We are still in Their valley and we must cross the divide before night." He glanced at the sky. "We have about eight hours of daylight left, let's make the best of it."

Sawyer rested his head against hers. "Come on, Freckles," he said, taking her hand. "Let's make the best of it." He shot her one more jolt through his fingers and grinned as she glared at him. "No more I promise." He leaned against her and whispered, "Until later."

-----

Jack's fury had finally petered out after a few hours of hiking; now he was just disappointed as he trekked through the jungle, hoping he was remembering Danielle's map correctly. He didn't have any real hope of catching Kate and Sawyer; they had a day's lead and they were probably moving fast today since they were crossing the valley.

He was diappointed in Ana for her part in their argument; he was disappointed in himself, too, for the things he had said, especially about Kate. He didn't feel that way about Ana, it wasn't just sex to him; he _liked_ her. As usual, his temper got the best of him and he took it out on the one person he shouldn't.

He knew she was behind him; she hadn't said anything to him but he could hear her muttering curses under her breath; he smiled in spite of himself, most of them were probably directed at him and he could just imagine what she was saying. He suddenly decided to take the initiative; stopping abruptly, he turned to her but her head was down and she didn't notice him until she had nearly run into him. "Ana."

She stopped a foot from him and looked up, arms crossed angrily. "Yeah, Jack? What?"

He almost didn't do it; his temper flared at her attitude but he swallowed it and smiled at her. "I'm sorry about earlier. I didn't mean all those things."

She glared at him for another second, then her gaze softened and she nodded her head. "Yeah, okay." Looking away, she swallowed, then looked back at him. "Sorry. I didn't mean it either." She hesitated, then touched his arm, smiling a little. "I'm on your side, Jack, but I don't have to always agree with you."

"Yeah," he said, "I know." He grinned. "I have the doctor's natural aversion to a second opinion."

She smiled. "Well, we may have a problem then, 'cause I like to give out second opinions. Sometimes third."

Jack chuckled, cupping her chin in his hand. "Well, we'll have a lot of making up to look forward to." It was a declaration of sorts, and Ana caught it; they were moving from sex to something more, and suddenly she was glad. She was ready to let Danny go and move on.

She looked up at him, almost breathless; grinning playfully, she stared into his eyes. "So...wanna make up now?"

His answer came instantly. "Oh, yeah."


	47. Chapter 47

**Chapter 46**

The late afternoon sun was blazing down through the canopy and Jack could feel the sweat rolling down between his shoulderblades, trickling down his back and pooling around his waistband; his jeans were uncomfortably sticky on his skin. Ana puffed beside him; the heat took its toll on her by sapping her energy; she was gamely trying to keep up and Jack slowed his pace some to make it easier on her. Why would they be in such a hurry anyway? They couldn't catch the others, their best hope would be to meet them on their way back.

Ana smiled as he slowed; she really was having a hard time in the heat. Los Angeles was hot, sure, but as anyone who has been to the American Southwest can say, it's a _dry_ heat. The humidity was harsh and even after two months in it the moisture made it hard to breathe and sometimes she felt like her lungs were sponges, soaking up the water in the air and drowning her. "Thanks," she puffed as she caught up, taking his hand. She could do that now, because they were together. Kind of.

Jack grinned at her, glancing down at their hands; he liked that she felt comfortable enough to do that. "You out of shape? I heard a lot of huffing and puffing back there."

She threw him an offended look. "I'm from L.A., Jack. We actually have _air_ there."

Jack looked askance at her. "I thought you had smog. Isn't the _air_ in L.A. brown?"

She chuckled and shook her head. "Not every day." Grinning saucily she peeked aside at him; she jerked her head back down the trail she said, "You sure _you're_ not out of shape? Cause I heard a lot of huffing and puffing back _there_."

He squeezed her hand, chuckling; she leaned her head against his shoulder and they walked quietly for a few minutes. Jack finally spoke. "You know why I was in Australia, Ana, what were you doing there?"

"Vacation." She said it automatically, though it wasn't exactly true; she had darker reasons for being there. Jason had been haunting her in Los Angeles, everything made her think about the baby, and Danny, and what she had done; she needed to see some new scenery, some new people, anything to get her mind off of...everything. And she thought that her mother was suspicious of her; she hadn't used her own gun, of course, and it wasn't implausible that he'd been shot over a drug deal or something, but she wasn't her mother and a police captain for nothing; she was sharp and didn't miss things. Except for the baby; she hadn't suspected anything about that. But it would be better for her to get away from her mom, now, until she could get things straight enough in her head to keep it hidden.

He didn't think she was quite telling the truth but he didn't press it. "Lucky you, it's been extended." He smiled at her, and she grinned back, squeezing his hand a little. "Yeah," she said, looking into his eyes. "Lucky me."

He wanted to kiss her but he didn't; they needed to at least reach the pass before dark and he wasn't sure how far away they were and if he started it would lead to something else and they would never get anywhere. They could wait until they made camp for the night. I hope, he thought to himself, grinning.

"Hey, Jack." He stopped dead as the bearded man stepped out of the jungle in front of them; he instinctively reached for his gun- he had given Kate a spare he had brought along, just in case- but the man said, "I wouldn't do that, Jack. I ain't alone." A dozen rifle barrels poked out of the bushes and glaring angrily at the man Jack put his gun back into his sweaty waistband. The bearded man smiled and said, "That's better. We're just here to talk."

"Where's Michael?" Hostility was coming off of him in waves and Ana watched the two of them warily, ready to jump if she needed to.

The man cackled harshly. "Don't you worry about Michael. He ain't your concern anymore. If I were you I'd worry more about _her_." He nodded at Ana, who paled as her stomach churned under his gaze. "There's somebody on this island that wants a word with her. Or _six_." he cackled again as Ana turned white beneath her skin.

Jack was worried about her; he could feel her tense and when he looked at her he felt sick; she was looking so wan and pale he was afraid she was going to pass out. He jumped when she spoke; her voice was tiny and hoarse as she said, "Tha's not possible. He's dead."

The bearded man smiled. "Not here, he ain't. You better watch yourself." He looked back to Jack, sneering. "But I didn't come here to give you advice. I want something."

Barking out a laugh, Jack sneered. "I'm not doing anything for you." He pulled Ana a little closer, trying to shield her; he didn't like the way the man's eyes were roaming over her body.

"Well, I think you might. 'Cause if you don't we'll take her." he nodded at Ana, and Jack felt her legs tremble. "And before you say we won't, you know we will if we want to." He smiled nastily at the resigned look in Jack's eye. "So here is what I want from you. We want him."

Jack was confused. "You want to be a little more specific?"

The bearded man smiled at the sarcasm. "The carpenter." He grinned. "Think about it Jack. It'll come to you. But he has to come of his own accord, you can't make him do it. It has to be his choice." He eyed Ana once more, then started to fade into the jungle. "We'll be waiting, Jack. And watching."

He spun immediately to Ana, grabbing her chin. "Are you okay?" She was pale and shaky; he wondered what in the hell the man had meant about someone looking for her; it obviously meant something to her, judging by her reaction.

She nodded, still trembling a little. "Yeah."

He didn't think she was quite telling the truth, but he didn't press it.

-----

They crossed the valley quickly and soon found themselves in standing before another ridge of high mountains; they turned north and followed the ridge, looking for the rock that marked the pass.

Urgency pushed at them; they had to cross this ridge before dark and that was about three hours away; nobody spoke as they saved their breath for the climb ahead.

Kate saw the rock first and she knew instantly this was it; it was huge, almost the size of a barn and as they drew closer she could see markings on it. She gasped as they came close enough to make out the marks.

They were carvings, etched deep into the stone; her eyes widened as she took them in, a masted ship thrown up on the rocks, a small ketch broken on the reef, a military transport plane, broken in half on the ground, a small plane lodged in the canopy. Her heart froze as she saw the next one; an airliner, broken in three, and carved clearly in the tail was the Oceanic logo.

Her eyes roamed over the stone, there were many carvings that she couldn't make out and she shuddered at the thought of all of the people those carvings meant. Sawyer and Eko were staring at it, too; Kate leaned against Sawyer, shivering in the heat, her mouth suddenly cottony-dry.

She reached up into her pack to get some water; the bottle she pulled out was almost empty, so she grabbed the other. It was completely empty. Sighing, she said, "We need to find water. I'm almost out."

Eko nodded. "There will be some on the other side of the pass. I would not drink the water in the valley."

Kate looked disappointed, but she opened her bottle to take a tiny sip. Sawyer stopped her, handing her one of his. She smiled and kissed him, and he pulled her aside a little, grinning. "I gotta show you somethin', Freckles," he said, and looking aside at Eko, he whispered, "Only you. Don't tell no one, okay?"

She nodded, eyes shiniing with excitement. "Okay."

He smiled and held up her bottle with its little bit of water in it. Closing his eyes, he held the bottle in his hand, and as Kate watched it filled with water like he was holding it under an invisible faucet.

She was staring at him in amazement when he opened his eyes; grinning at her he handed her the full bottle, holding her hand as she took it, still gaping at him. His eyes danced at her and he whispered excitedly, "_Taste_ it."

She smiled; he looked like a kid waiting for his parents to open the gift he made them for Christmas. She lifted the bottle to her lips and took a sip, her eyes widening in surprise. It tasted like peaches. Her eyes flew to him and he grinned. "I didn't know what your favorite flavor is but I figured it wouldn't be mango."

She stared at him in awe. "Jesus, Sawyer, can you turn it to wine too?"

He shrugged. "I could try. Why, you up for another game of I Never?" He drew her to him, kissing her forehead. "I need to change one of my answers anyway."

She just looked up at him in awe. "You're amazing, did you know that?" Her heart swelled with love and she pressed her face to his chest, hugging him tight as he ran his fingers through her hair.

"Believe it or not, that ain't the first time I've been told that." He laughed to himself as she snorted in disgust against him. "Don't worry, Freckles," he said, chuckling, "This is the only time it mattered."

Sighing, she pulled away from him, taking another sip of the peachy water. It was like manna from Heaven. She grabbed his hand, impetuously, and brought it to her lips, kissing his fingers, flicking them with her tongue; she could feel him throbbing through them and she smiled as he groaned softly. "Kate, God Kate, stop." She did, kissing his lips instead, he groaned again as he tasted hers; peaches.

Vincent appeared beside them, growling, and Sawyer pulled his mouth from Kate's, scowling. "What did I tell you about buggin' me, Fido? You and me are gonna have a serious chat later." Vincent barked in Eko's direction and Sawyer sighed. "I know, I know. We're coming." In a low voice he whispered to Kate, "I wish." She rolled her eyes as Vincent studied him for a second; apparently satisfied he trotted off to join Eko, who was starting up the pass. Sawyer sighed and leaned his head against Kate's; kissing her one more time he took her hand and as they passed it she cast one more look at the stone, feeling slightly sick.

She took another sip of her water and grinned. "Hey, Tex."

He looked over at her, smiling, his dimples flashing at her; happiness flooded into her like sunshine and she smiled brightly at him. "Grape." He looked a little confused, and she touched his lips with her fingers. "My favorite flavor. Grape."

He laughed and pulled her to a brief stop to kiss her again; he could never get enough of her against him. "Mmmm. Grape. That's my favorite flavor too."

She looked surprised. "Really?"

Nodding as he kissed her again, he savored the taste of peaches on her lips. "It is now."


	48. Chapter 48

**Chapter 47**  
The trip over the pass went quickly; dusk had not quite fallen when they reached the jungle on the other side. They decided to camp; neither Kate or Sawyer wanted to sleep anywhere near the pit. It was only a couple of miles away; they could leave early, get the pack then cross the two passes before night. They hoped.

The fire was blazing merrily as Sawyer, Kate and Eko sat around it cooking the little animals Vincent had caught for them; he lay next to Sawyer, looking very pleased with himself as Sawyer gently scratched his ears. Sawyer's other hand rested softly on the small of Kate's back as she held both of their meals spitted on one stick; she balanced it on her knee so she could hold it with one hand; her other hand was on Sawyer's knee, rubbing it idly as she stared into the flames. He just watched her.

Sawyer felt different since he had seen the Cloud the second time and touched it; he was the same Sawyer but not the same, he was older, much older and wiser. Not so much on the wiser, though. He should be terrified of the things that he was discovering in himself; that he could love someone so completely as he loved Kate had been enough of a shock, but now there were all of these other things too, and it scared him a little that he wasn't surprised at them, they just _were_. Of course, Kate accepted them, too, and that helped; with her support and love he could do anything.

All of the animals spoke to him; he could hear them murmuring in the background and the trees and plants whispered in the wind and he could understand them too; he could hear the stars and the ocean and every living thing around him. He felt alive, wild, primal; a _part_ of the island, yet apart from it. He wanted to run through the jungle with Vincent, tasting the air and the scents upon it; only Kate kept him tethered to reality and civility. His hand clutched at her back; she turned to him, smiling. "You hungry?"

He grinned at her. "I'm always hungry, sweetheart."

She sniggered. "Yeah. I know," she whispered, "But I meant for food."

Dimples flashing he leaned forward until his lips were pressed against her ear; she felt goosebumps prickle on her arms as his breath tickled her neck. "I was talkin' about food." He kissed her gently on the neck, making her shiver with delight.

"You know," she said, to no one in particular, "I used to be a vegetarian." Glancing at Vincent, she said, "Can't you hunt down some vegetables, or some rice? Or, God, for a potato!" She raised her eyes Heavenward.

Vincent woofed at her, nonchalantly, not even looking at her. Sawyer laughed. "He said he ain't a damn farmer, go get your own potato."

Kate glared at the dog. "Are you sure you're not related somewhere down the line? Because I swear, that dog is just like you. Toxic." Glancing over at him, she said, "Speaking of farmer, you never did finish telling me why you spent the night in jail when you pulled that prank."

He smiled sadly at her. "You don't wanna hear about that, Freckles. It ain't important, I only told you so Jack could sew you up."

She looked into his eyes, holding them; the stick in her hand drooped almost spilling their food into the ashes and Eko cleared his throat to warn her. Kate jerked the stick back up, then turned back to Sawyer. "Yes, I do, Sawyer. I want to know all about you, anything you want to tell me."

He smiled and took her hand, rubbing it gently; his touch made her skin tingle. "Alright then. After my parents, you know...after that I was passed around from aunt to uncle to cousin until I ran out of family members to go to." Glancing aside at her he grinned. "I wasn't the most...well behaved kid."

Kate laughed, a little sadness in it. "I can imagine." She could picture him; hurt, angry, alone and unwanted and knowing it. Her heart melted for the little boy she could still see inside the man; hurt and angry, but not alone and unwanted. Not anymore. Not ever again.

"Yeah, well, then I was put in foster care, just shuffled around from dirty house to dirty house, never in one place long. When I was arrested the family I was with didn't care enough to come get me." Tears were welling up in her eyes; he smiled and touched her cheek as Eko reached out and snagged her spit; it was threatening to fall in the fire again. "Don't feel bad, Kate. It was a small town in the mountains. You ever watch Andy Griffith? It was like that, the sheriff's wife even felt so bad that no one came to get me that she made me dinner. I got to stay up late, watch TV, eat a hot meal; and hell, for a minute, somebody cared about me. It wasn't all that bad."

She couldn't help it, she cried out softly, "Oh, Saywer!" and buried her face against him; his hands spasmed around her back, clasping her as close as he could. "I'm so sorry," she said.

He smiled and whispered, 'Nothin' to be sorry for, Freckles. That was a long time ago, another life. Somebody cares, now, and that's all I need."

He held her for a few minutes, then Eko spoke up, "Dinner time." Vincent sat up eagerly; he didn't care about cooking it, but since they could 'talk' to him he was treated more like a human. They wouldn't let him eat raw meat.

Kate and Sawyer disentangled themselves and she reached out for the stick, smiling at Eko as she did. "Thanks." She pulled one off, blowing on her fingers as she handed it to Sawyer; Eko gave one to Vincent, who took it happily until it burned his mouth; he spat it out and glared at Eko, growling.

Sawyer said, laughing at Vincent, who was pawing at his tongue in disgust, "He said you could've let it cool off a little or given him some warning."

Eko looked at Vincent scoldingly. "Now, Vincent, you knew it would be hot, you should not have tried to stuff the whole thing in your mouth at once."

Vincent gave him a withering stare, then barked twice; picking up his dinner with the tips of his teeth he trotted off to the far side of the clearing and lay down with his back to them. Sawyer laughed and shook his head. "I tell ya, Ed. You really ticked him off. He said you could stuff something in _your_ mouth all at once."

Kate burst into giggles; damn, that dog was like Sawyer. Even Eko smiled, laughing a little. He picked at his meal, eating tiny little bites; eyeing Kate, who was staring up at Sawyer with love and desire he smiled and stood. "I think I am going to sleep out there tonight. The firelight dims my eyes so that I cannot see properly."

Kate glanced away from Sawyer with mild interest; she didn't see Sawyer look sharply at him. "See what?" she asked.

Eko smiled at Sawyer's gaze. "See what the island has to show me. Goodnight." He turned abruptly and disappeared into the jungle, calling behind him, "Come, Vincent."

Vincent picked up his dinner and glanced back at Sawyer, grinning; he woofed softly and Sawyer snorted. "No, I am not giving you details later. Get outta here!" Vincent chuffed a laugh and disappeared behind Eko, leaving them alone. They sat quietly for a few moments. staring at each other as they ate.

"What was it, Sawyer?" Kate asked as she popped a piece of meat in her mouth. "What you saw in the cloud that Eko told you to forget."

Sawyer gazed at her; he wanted to tell her, to share it with her, but he was afraid to; if he put it in words it would be something tangible and destructible. As long as it remained in his mind it was safe and he didn't want to lose it. "I can't tell you, Kate. I want to, but I can't. Not yet. I will, one day." Drinking her in he was filled by her, and as she felt his gaze on her she smiled at him. "I can tell you this, though. It was the most beautiful thing I have _ever_ seen."

She nodded, a little disappointed. "Okay. But that is one hell of a tease, Tex."

"Nah," he said, dropping his food on the ground and wiping his hands on his pants. "This is a tease." He kissed her, hard, running his hands along her body as she sighed and squirmed beneath his fingers; he pulled away abruptly, leaving her flushed and breathless.

"Okay," she panted. "You win." He fell on her again, smiling; grabbing his neck she dragged him down to her, gasping as his electric skin touched hers, filling her with energy and power. She groaned as his fingers shocked her, sliding beneath her shirt; as they slid higher she moaned, the energy arousing her beyond anything she had known before. She was thrumming beneath him, and she could feel him pulsing against her; as his fingers undid her jeans and slid inside of her waistband she gasped and cried out at the tingling sensation his fingers left as they shocked her gently.

Sawyer groaned against her as she cried out; her hands were at his button, working at his jeans; he rolled away and slid them off quickly; Kate recovered enough to take her clothes off; when he stretched against her she stiffened as if she'd been struck by lightning.

He kissed her, starting with her forehead, his lips slid lower, to her eyes, then her nose, then they lingered deliciously on her mouth, teasing her with his tongue; sending random bolts of electricity through her. Each time he did her excitement grew; by the time his lips reached her belly she was writhing with pleasure and need.

He lifted up and looked at her; she was panting and squirming beneath him and her eyes were glowing as she gazed up at him. He could hear her words in his head, Please, please, please. Smiling wickedly he nodded, lowering his lips to her navel and trailing kisses even further down; she gasped and her eyes widened as he whispered, "If you're gonna beg, Freckles..."

-----

Jack and Ana found the pass and made camp; she hadn't spoken much since their run in with the bearded man and Jack was a little worried about her, she was still pale and shaky.

They sat close by the fire, apart; their earlier easy intimacy gone. "Ana," Jack finally said, "What was all of that about? Who was he talking about?"

She didn't look up from the flames as she answered. "Someone I killed."

Jack started and stared at her. "What?" he hissed.

She turned cold, scared eyes on him, a little hurt by his reaction, not that she expected anything else from him. "He shot me and I killed him."

"Oh," Jack said. She was a cop, the fact that she had killed someone shouldn't have come as such a shock. Her next words were a shock.

"I was pregnant. I lost the baby." Tears welled up and she gazed into the fire as they dripped down her cheeks. "I can't have children."

Jack moved closer, putting his arms around her and she didn't move away. "I'm sorry," he said. "Did you get a second opinion?"

She laughed bitterly through her tears and said, "Yeah. and a third. No children."

Jack wanted to fix her, to make it better, but he couldn't and the frustration enraged him. "I'm sorry, Ana. I really am."

She shrugged, wiping away her tears. "Yeah, well, what's done is done. I can't change it." The thought entered her mind, striking her like a gong; it reverberated through her head. Maybe you can. Maybe Locke is right.

She pushed the thought away but it didn't go far; it tickled the edges of her conciousness, teasing her with the possibility. Jack's arms tightened around her and she looked up at him, her eyes still red and puffy. He kissed them softly, then dropped his lips to hers; she kissed him back, drowning her sorrow in the waves of pleasure his lips and fingers were eliciting from her.

All of her worries fell away with her clothes and she enjoyed the freedom, even though she knew it wouldn't last forever.


	49. Chapter 49

Okay, this is just a short update, just because I feel like doing it. But, you may find a few answers in it!

**Chapter 48**  
Locke worked feverishly by the starlight, digging around the rounded outline of the Shark Station hatch; the island was speaking to him, sending sparks shooting through him, giving him energy to burn. It was urging him to hurry; there was something there he needed to find before the others returned. Something the island needed him to keep away from them. They didn't understand the power of this place; Eko did, but he was losing faith in it, John could tell. He was crossing over; their separation was almost complete.

He could see things, but they weren't clear; the future was hazy and clouded; he was only allowed glimpses of the things to come and what he saw terrified him. Phantom wheelchairs rolled through the jungle and he was attatched to machines that pumped his kidney as he screamed in agony; something wanted to destroy the island and he dug faster to find what he needed to stop it from happening. This was why he had been brought to the Island, to save it.

There were two forces on this island; one light, one dark. At this moment the dark side was in control, as it had been for so many years; since the island's reincarnation it had held the reins in its hands, and though those hands had changed the rule had remained the same. But light was creeping into the jungle; something had called to it and it had come, bringing the Island's second death with it. Unless he could stop it.

This is my destiny, he thought. I am supposed to do this. This Island is beautiful, it has made me whole. I can do everything I have ever wanted to, I am a man again. I can't let it be taken from me. I can't go back; I _won't_ go back.

He dropped the crude log shovel and fell to his knees, digging frantically with his hands; his fingers scraped against metal and he smiled as he redoubled his efforts, barely even noticing when his fingers started to bleed.

-----

Rise, fall. Rise, fall. Sawyer lay next to Kate, watching her chest moving as she slept; her mouth was open a little and her hands were curled into balls against his chest. He wanted to touch her, to feel her heart beating against him, but he needed to go; Vincent padded into the clearing, chuffing softly as Sawyer scratched his ears gently. "Hey." He nodded to Kate. "Stay with her. I'll be back soon." He pulled himself away carefully, rising to his feet with a trace of regret; Vincent moved into his place, curling up in the warm spot next to Kate. Leaving her was like physically leaving a part of himself behind and it was almost painful to turn from her sleeping body; as he did he said, "Watch her, Vincent."

Vincent growled softly and Kate stirred, putting her hands on his coat and snuggling up to him; Vincent raised his eyebrows at Sayer and chuffed quietly and Sawyer softly laughed, "You just keep your paws to yourself, Casanova." He let his gaze linger on her for another second then he melted into the jungle.

Eko was waiting for him in the dark; Sawyer could sense his smile though he couldn't see him in the shadows. "Ah, James, I knew you would be coming. You took a little longer than I expected."

He could feel Eko grinning and he chuckled. "Yeah, well." He shrugged, grinning in the dark; she was hard to leave behind.

"You are ready to know a few things, I think. Shall we walk?"

Sawyer fell into step behind him; his feet carried him automatically in the dark. "What's going on, Ed? How come I can suddenly do all this stuff? Healing Kate? Talking to animals?"

Eko smiled. "Drawing water from thin air?"

Sawyer smiled. "Hmmm. You _do_ know everything. No hidin' stuff from you, huh?"

"James, if you wanted to you could turn your mind into a clean slate and even I could not read it." He sighed. "You have abilities you have not tapped yet, as do we all." They walked for a few seconds before he continued, "Our brains are complex organs, James, the possibilities for its use are endless, but unfortunately, as a species we have not yet learned to make full use of our minds; ninety-five percent of our brainpower goes unused, wasted. Some of these things, these powers lie dormant in us all. But there is something special about you, your powers outstrip us all; the Cloud knew it and chose you because of it. When you looked into it, when you touched it, it fired your mind and allowed you to use those things inside of you."

Sawyer was quiet, disgesting that for a minute. "What's so special about _me_? Why not Jackass, or Sayid? Or Locke? Hell, why not you?"

"Because we were not chosen. This is _your_ path, James. Something called to you and you answered, though you may not have known it." He hesitated, "You are here for two reasons, James. The first was Katherine. You saved her, and in doing so you saved youself. You found salvation in her, yes?"

Sawyer nodded, smiling; just thinking about her filled him so that he felt whole, complete. "Yeah, I did."

Eko smiled. "Yes. Without her, without being a complete man, James, you could never have prepared yourself for what lies ahead. But be warned, James, any dissention between you is a hole in your defenses. And those holes will be exploited to the fullest."

Sawyer didn't like the sound of that. "Holes in our defenses? We going to war or somethin'?"

Eko stopped; Sawyer felt him tense in the darkness as he said, quietly, "Yes, James. That is exactly what we are going to do."

His heart stopped as he stared in Eko's direction. 'What, we're gonna go against Them? That's never gone too well for us as I recall-"

Eko cut him off, putting his hand on him in the dark. "No, James. We are not going to war against Them. We are going to war against It."


	50. Chapter 50

**Chapter 49**  
Sawyer was confused. "War against It? What, the Cloud?"

Eko shook his head, sighing. "No, James, the Island. Or rather, what is controlling the Island." He started walking again.

Sawyer's confusion grew. "I thought the Others controlled the Island."

"No. The Others are one of Its tools, just like the Cloud, and both serve the same purpose, just on a different scale."

"And what purpose is that?" He wasn't sure he wanted to hear the answer; all of the information was overloading him a little.

Eko was quiet for a few steps, then he stopped again, turning to Sawyer in the dark. The trees whispered and Eko shivered a little; he felt eyes on them. Turning back the way they had come, he picked up his pace, forcing Sawyer to sprint to catch up. When Eko spoke again, after a few minutes, his voice was low. "To supply the Island with what it needs to survive. What it needs to exist."

Sawyer was a little scared; this was all kinda hard to swallow at once. "And what is that, Ed?"

"People like you." Sawyer froze, and Eko stopped, smiling a little. He turned to Sawyer, coming close, and he said, quietly. "There are other 'special' people, James, but you are more than they; you are suffused with something that casts them deeply in your shadow." He smiled, touching Sawyer's arm; sparks erupted where their skin touched. "We should walk. The woods have ears." Saywer nodded and they stared forward again. "The Island would make use of you, if it could. It seeks to weaken you for that reason." His voice became urgent, and he lowered it. "You must not go after Frank Sawyer, James. If you kill him for your own selfish reasons you will play into the Island's hands."

Sawyer hesitated; there was a slight problem with that. "I have to kill him. He'll always own a part of me if I don't." He smiled, softly. "You call me James, Ed, but I ain't really him, at least, not right now." He paused, thinking. "I want to be James again. But as long as Sawyer lives, I am _him_."

"Frank Sawyer is a ghost; _you_ brought him here. He is such a part of you that you carry him inside." He paused, taking a few steps before speaking again. "Your greatest desire in life has been to kill him, yes?"

Sawyer nodded. Until recently, yeah. "Yes."

"The Island is giving you the chance to get what you want; it made him real so that you could have your shot at him. But if you do it, if you kill him because you _need_ to, then the Island will own you. You will have to give it a sacrifice, and what it will ask for is _you_." They had come to the edge of their camp; Sawyer could see Kate still curled up, asleep against Vincent, who was lying with his eyes open, staring into the jungle at them. "He _is_ dead, you know. A ghost. So are you, _Sawyer_. That is a name you will not need much longer." He smiled, and Sawyer could see him in the firelight. "Remember, any...division between you and Katherine is a vulnerability, a hole in your defenses; you must be completely together. The battle is not yet begun, there is time for you to heal those differences, James, and become truly _whole_."

Saywer nodded, then hesitated. "Should I tell Kate about all of this?"

Eko smiled and chuckled. "Of course. Tell her _everything_, James, anything she wants to know. How else will you finish healing each other?"

Sawyer opened his mouth to ask another question, a thousand questions. They swirled through his head making him dizzy; he shut his mouth again, and looked over at Kate, who was sitting up, looking around in a panic. Suddenly he felt calmer, clearer; he called out to her, "Kate, I'm here!"

Eko smiled. "I think that is enough for tonight, James. We will talk again, after you have had time to...adjust." He glanced at Kate, who was walking sleepily towards them, Vincent padding at her heels. "Goodnight, James. I think Vincent and I will go to the pit and get the pack so we can get an early start in the morning. Something tells me we need to get back to the hatch."

Sawyer wanted to go with them for a brief second; he didn't remotely feel like sleep and he wanted to wander through the jungle, listening to it. He even started to say something, but then Kate's arms were around him, leaning into him; she yawned and smiled blearily up at him. "Where'd you go?"

He smiled down at her, and the jungle was forgotten; how could he want anything but to be with her? "I was just talkin' to Ed. He and Fido are goin' after the pack while you and I get some sleep."

He could tell she wasn't really listening, her eyes were drooping and she mumbled, "That's nice. Be careful." She sagged against him a little and he held her up, grinning at Eko. "She was tired."

Eko smiled back. "I see."

Vincent yipped and grinned at Sawyer, who scowled back at him. "Not that it's any business of yours, Rover, but we are goin' to _sleep_." He shook his head. "Dog can talk and suddenly he thinks he's the damn Island comedian."

Eko smiled and he and Vincent disappeared into the jungle. Kate was dozing against him so he swung her up in his arms and carried her back to their place by the fire; it was burning down and Kate woke to him lying her down in the dim light. She reached up and touched his cheek; he kissed her softly, then sat next to her, smiling sadly. "What's wrong?"

He took her hand and played with her fingers for a few minutes, then he sighed and looked into her eyes. "I got a lot of stuff to tell you, Freckles." He grinned, shaking his head. "And I don't think you're gonna like any of it."

-----

He had it cleared; his fingers were raw and bloody but he didn't care; he could see the opening and his heart skipped a beat; the lid was not seated flush into the walls of the hatch; it wasn't sealed. He pushed against the lid, trying to shove it off with brute strength. It didn't work. He sighed.

Taking the log shovel, he shoved the sharpened, hollow end into the sliver of an opening, and pushed against it with all of his might, trying to lever it off; it gave just a smidge before the shovel snapped, sending him stumbling to the ground.

Cursing lightly, he brushed himself off and went a little way into the trees until he found a small bamboo stand. He found the thickest one and laboriously cut it down with one of his large hunting knives; it was a helluva job and he didn't think he'd ever get it done, but he did and taking the stalk, he slid it into the slightly widened hole and pushed against it hard again; this time it shifted a good deal before snapping the bamboo in half.

He could look down into it now; he held his flashlight, shining it down the hole; there was a ladder, and it went all the way down, as far as he could see. Excited, he hunkered down beside it and grasped the egdes of the lid, trying to flip it over; he grunted and strained; asking the island for help he suddenly felt superhuman and the lid slowly, inexorably tipped over and off of the hatch.

He gazed down, his heart beating wildly; slipping over the edge his feet found the ladder; he descended quickly, holding his flashlight down until he could see the bottom. He stepped gingerly onto the concrete floor and turned to see a door. An airlock with a wheel. Trembling a little, he reached out and turned the wheel, barely daring to breathe.

It turned and he pushed gently; the door swung open with a creak and he slowly stepped inside.

-----

The thought had been tickling at the back of Ana's mind all morning; Locke said if she wanted something she could ask the island for it; it had worked for him since he wasn't in a wheelchair anymore, maybe it would work for her too. But what would she have to sacrifice? What _would_ she sacrifice? Almost anything, she thought, for the chance to try again.

Jack was holding her hand as they walked up the pass; the sun was barely up and it was already scorching and sticky. They hadn't been going very fast, but they had left early and they were about halfway up the trail when Jack noticed a small plateau; there were the remains of a campfire and lots of footprints, and while Jack was no tracker, it wasn't hard to notice the broken bushes where someone had run off into the jungle. "Wanna go check it out?"

"Sure." They slowly followed the track into the trees, it didn't go very far before they found a gun lying on the ground. Jack picked it up, looking it over; it looked like one of the marshal's. "I wonder why they left this?" He said, looking at Ana with a little worry. "Why would they leave a gun?"

She shook her head. "I don't know." Sighing, she headed back through the trees to the plateau. Going to the path she studied the ground; she had learned quite a bit about tracking from watching Locke and she thought she could just make out three sets of footprints and one set of pawprints going up the mountain. Motioning to Jack to come over, she pointed to the tracks and said, "All of them left together, I think. Maybe nothing is wrong." She cocked her head, looking at him. "It is weird though."

Jack chuckled and shrugged. "What here isn't?" Smiling, he glanced back up the path. "You wanna rest a few minutes?"

She shook her head. The faster they found Sawyer and Kate the sooner they got back to the hatch where she could talk to John. It was burning at her now, she wanted to know what to do. "No, let's keep going; if we don't find them we need to get out of the valley before dark."

He snorted. "Rousseau was crazy. I'm not worried about staying in the valley."

Ana stared at him, a sad smile on her face. "You should be, Jack." He just shrugged.

They continued up the pass; Jack kept running their encounter with the bearded man over and over in his mind; who was the carpenter? "Ana, who do you think the carpenter is?"

Smiling, she said, "Maybe it's Karen Carpenter. Or the movie guy, John Carpenter." Jack wasn't laughing and she frowned. "Just kidding. Lighten up."

"You just said I should be worried."

"Worry and fun are not mutually exclusive emotions, Jack. You're allowed more than one at a time."

Her sarcasm ticked him off a little and he turned to look at her angrily. "They are going to take you, Ana. Remember what They did to Sawyer?" She blanched and he nodded. "Yeah. So forgive me if I am a little preoccupied with trying to figure out a way to keep you safe, okay?"

God, he was condescending. "You can't, Jack. You know that. If They want me They'll get me. And even if you knew who the carpenter was, would you just turn them over?" Jack didn't answer. "So, lighten up, Jack. Let's enjoy the now, and not look into the future because it never turns out the way you imagine." She took his hand. "Let's find them and get back to the hatch." Smiling mischieveiously, she said, "Maybe this one has a shower too."

Jack laughed at that, and he kissed her quickly. "Okay," he said. "That's motivation enough for me. I hope they're close."

Ana sighed, thinking about getting to the hatch so she could corner Locke. "Yeah," she said. "Me too."


	51. Chapter 51

**Chapter 50**

Locke stepped into the doorway; there was a long hallway in front of him, stretching as far as he could see. He flashed his light along the wall and stopped it on the familiar Dharma logo; this one had a thrashing shark instead of a swan or an arrow. Excitement and urgency made caution difficult; he practically trotted down the hallway, his flashlight held out in front of him. His footfalls echoed eerily, bouncing off of the concrete walls; they collected and followed him as he kept going, wondering where in the world this was taking him. He wanted to find whatever it was he needed; he didn't know how long it would be until the others came back.

A mile? Two miles? Distance was impossible to judge in the blank, featureless corridor; there was nothing to break the monotony of smooth concrete walls and floor. Locke was sweating; it was growing cooler, though, and he felt the hallway rise a little in a slight but steady incline, and he smiled. He was close.

He finally stood before it; another airlock, only this one already stood ajar, inviting him to open it. Taking a deep breath, he pushed it open, blinking as bright light flooded his eyes. As they adjusted to the sudden brilliance he noticed that he was in a kind of a foyer; there were overalls and blue slickers hanging next to the door and something that looked like an umbrella stand with the Shark logo on the side; the room opened up into a hall that split three ways and after deliberating for a second Locke took the hall to the right.

It was a short hallway with a bathroom on one side and bunk rooms on the other; Locke counted the beds as he passed- there were four. The end of the hall was the kitchen; Locke bypassed that. What he needed was not here. He turned and went back to the center, this time going to the left.

The walls here were blank and smooth, too, and at the end was a door, with a security lock on it. Locke tried in vain to open the door; he kicked it in frustration and sighed; what he needed was not there either. His curiosity was aroused though, and he resolved to ask Jack for the security badge from the drains.

That left the center hallway; he sighed and walked up it until he came to another door; this one had a security lock too, but it was smashed off and the door was sagging open. Well, Locke thought. Someone wanted in here. Or out. He reached out and hesitated before opening the door; he couldn't wait, he had to find it.

John was stunned; he hadn't expected to find _this_.

One wall was lined with old, seventies-era televisions; they were on, and as Locke looked closer he could see the ocean surface. He scanned them all, wiping away layers of dust; they were all different views of the ocean from different parts of the island. "Hmmm. Interesting." He glanced above the TV's and groaned; a timer like the one in their hatch was ticking down; as he watched it hit four minutes and started beeping. He looked around frantically, to find the computer, but suddenly it stopped and the timer reset. When it did, the television screens flickered and reset; they flashed back up with the same scenes and an automated voice called out, "Timer reset. One hundred and eight minute surveillance countdown beginning. Nothing detected."

Locke's heart started beating again; it had frozen at the sound of the voice. What the hell was that about? He shook it off, time for questions later; now he needed to find it, and it was close. The wall to his left had some metal shelves with some books lying haphazardly on it and next to that was a file cabinet. John opened it and rifled through the files; nothing. He glanced to the other side of the room, where there were two computers and another television; Locke went closer to investigate. The TV was on, but it was blank; there was nothing in the picture. John tapped at the buttons on the computer but nothing happened; shrugging he turned as something caught his eye, tucked behind the computer. He smiled as he reached and pulled it out; this is _it_. He tossed it in his hand and tucked it in his pocket, grinning; now he could take his time and explore. He went to the file cabinet and started pulling out files.

-----

The descent into the valley was easier on Ana than the climb; she still sighed with relief as they finally stepped onto level ground; even more so when they melted into the jungle; the canopy at least offered some shade from the sun.

She and Jack walked close, hands touching, but not quite holding. He was worried, still; jealousy flashed through her because she knew it was Kate he was concerned about. "I'm sure she's fine." Jack glanced at her, questioningly. "Kate. She's the one you're worried about." He didn't deny it, and she moved away from him a step. "As always."

"I'm worried about you both, Ana." He didn't try to move closer to her, and she suddenly hated Kate even more; she almost turned around and went back to the hatch to let Jack go after his friggin' girlfriend; only the thought of climbing back up the mountain stopped her.

Ana could feel her anger rising and she didn't really want to be mad right now, so she changed the subject. "What was your wife like? Ex-wife." She amended quickly, catching his look.

Jack sighed. Why did women insist on asking questions like this? He didn't mind talking to women, in fact, he loved it, but these questions...there were never good answers to these. "She was...great."

Ana cocked her eyebrows at him. "That's it? She was great? Wow, I feel like I know her already." She threw him a look of disgust as he chuckled at her.

"I don't know, what do you want to know?" He was still looking at the ground, smiling.

"What did she look like? That's always a good place to start."

"Well, looks aren't everything, you know." He looked aside at her, grinning. "But she wasn't ugly."

Ana rolled her eyes. "Blonde? Redhead? Oh, I know, brunette. You seem to have a thing for them." She moved back a step closer.

"Blonde. Blue eyes."

"How did you meet her?"

Jack sighed, glancing over at Ana. "Why the sudden interest?"

Ana moved to his side; he was uncomfortable with the subject, but she really was eager to know. "I wanna know what kind of woman makes you tick, Jack. Other than Kate."

He ignored the jab and sighed. "She was in a car accident; crushed spine. She was never going to walk again." he paused and glanced aside at Ana. "But she did. Somehow, some way, I _fixed_ her, and she walked again." he smiled sadly. "And away, eventually."

Ana nodded; the truth was dawning on her. He wanted a woman he could fix. "Jack, you can't fix Kate."

Glaring at her, he asked, "What is that supposed to mean?"

She stopped, putting her hand on him. "I've watched you, Jack, more than you know. I like to study people," she grinned, "Especially you. I know how you drive yourself, and I get it now; you want to help everyone, fix all of their problems so you don't have to focus on yours. Because you think, maybe, if you help enough people you can make up for the ones you can't. And that includes you. And Kate," she rolled her eyes, "that girl needs some serious fixing." She nodded at the look in Jack's eyes; she was on target. She sighed and leaned close to him, trying to be as kind as she could. "You can't fix her, Jack. That isn't for _you_ to do."

"I know." Grinning to himself, he said, "It's cute that you're so jealous."

She looked into his eyes. "Do I have anything to be jealous of?" He didn't answer right away and she smiled sadly, dropping her hand from his arm. "Right."

"Ana, wait," He grabbed her arm, spinning her back to him. "I will always feel something for Kate. I can't stop that. But I know nothing will come of it. So, no, you don't really have a reason to be jealous." He pulled her close, and she didn't struggle; he grazed her lips with his and she sighed and leaned into him.

She didn't want to say it, but she had to. "If Sawyer died tomorrow, and Kate came to you, would you drop me for her?" She pulled back and looked in his eyes. "And I will know if you're lying."

He frowned at her. "I can't answer that, Ana."

That was answer enough. "Right. That's okay, you just did." She pulled away angrily and kept walking, leaving Jack shaking his head in defeat. _Women._

_-----_

Eko and Vincent had returned just before dawn; Kate and Sawyer were still awake, sitting curled up together by the burnt-out fire. They had talked all night; Sawyer filled her in on everything he knew which wasn't much, but it was plenty to scare Kate to death.

They had crossed the pass quickly and quietly; no one talked much, not even Vincent. Kate didn't look at the carved stone as they passed; it made her a little sick still. As they pushed further into the jungle, Vincent stopped, sniffing the air; he woofed softly at Sawyer, who glanced up sharply. "What?"

They all stopped as Vincent barked again, and even Kate could detect the urgency in it. "Yeah, Rover," Sawyer said, looking concerned. "Go check it out. But be careful."

Vincent disappeared into the trees and Kate looked up at Sawyer with fear; she hoped it wasn't Frank again. Even after Eko's warning, she wasn't entirely sure Sawyer could restrain himself around him. She thought she might be putting the pieces together; Sawyer couldn't do what he wanted to so badly because it would destroy him, but if he didn't, that was one hole in their defense that they couldn't patch and that would destroy them; it was a catch-22, and Kate didn't know how to handle it. But it was most importatnt that Sawyer not fall under the Island's control; he could _not_ kill Frank Sawyer. "What is it, Sawyer?"

Sawyer shook his head, dropping his gaze from the trees to Kate; he smiled a little. "He just said someone was close." Hugging her close he said, "Don't worry, Freckles. We'll be okay."

Eko came to them, glancing into the jungle. "James, I think it would be best if you keep your abilities between us for now, no matter who it is we run into. That includes talking to Vincent; I know it is natural to speak to him, but it is not wise to let on too much about you, yes?"

Sawyer nodded and Eko looked at Kate, who nodded too. "Why, Eko? I mean, shouldn't we tell our group? Jack and Locke?" She glanced up at Sawyer, who was watching Eko too. "We're all on the same side, right?"

"That remains to be seen, Katherine. Sides have not been chosen yet, not by everyone." He turned as Vincent came trotting back onto the path, grinning. Sawyer almost asked him a question before remembering that he couldn't talk to him; it was a good thing because Jack and Ana came stumbling through the bushes just as he closed his mouth.

Kate was stunned. "Jack? What are you doing out here?" Ana was glaring at her and she returned the stare; what the hell was her problem?

Jack caught his breath. "We were looking for you. Rousseau is one of Them; she led Them to us and They took Michael out of our camp."

Kate and Sawyer exchanged glances. Sawyer said, "Yeah, we know. We saw Them. We tried to stop Them, but they threatened to shoot Kate." Jack's eyes flew to Kate, looking her over to make sure she was okay.

Ana snickered nastily; she could see Jack staring at Kate. She hated Kate with a passion right now, though she knew it was irrational; it wasn't her fault at all but it was easier to hate her than Jack. "Sounds like a fair trade to me."

Kate bristled; she was already sick of Ana. "Excuse me? Do you have a problem, Butch?"

Sawyer grinned at Kate's adoption of his nickname as Ana retorted, "Yeah. I don't like being this close to a murderer. I get worried." She glared at Jack angrily before turning her attention to Sawyer. "Better sleep with one eye open, Cowboy, 'cause when she's done using you to get whatever she wants you'll wake up in a box like her other boyfriends."

Sawyer started forward angrily, but Kate blocked him; she could feel the electricity building in him and if he fried Ana, while it would be satisfying, it would also be a little hard to explain away. "What the fck do you know about it?"

"Enough," Ana spat back. "Daddy's girl."

Kate paled and Ana sniggered again. Bingo. "You don't know anything about anything. You don't know anything about _me_; if you did you wouldn't be pushing me, Ana."

Ana's eyes glowed softly as they faced off. "Oh, I know you Katherine Austen. Aka Maggie Ryan, Joan Hart, Katherine _Dodd_."

Kate slugged Ana across the jaw, sending her sprawling on the ground; she jumped up quickly. "Don't ever mention that name to me again."

Sawyer and Jack were staring at them; this was like deja-vu; Sawyer was the one to break it up this time. He grabbed Kate by the arm and she could feel her skin tingling; his touch calmed her and she stepped back, her eyes blazing as she stared at Ana, who had glanced at Jack. Sawyer pulled her against him, cradling her to his body as he whispered to her. "Stop. Okay, Freckles?"

She looked away from Ana, who was still glaring at Jack and nodded, her tension disappearing as his energy flowed into her. "Yeah, okay Tex." She grinned. "I didn't think anyone could piss me off as much as you do."

Sawyer smiled as he held her; as he watched, Jack went to Ana and said something to her angrily; she spat some words back at him then disappeared the way they had come, Jack following her into the trees.

When he was positive they had gone, he turned to Vincent, who had been observing them with raised eyebrows. "You had to bring them here? Couldn't you lead them _into_ a well, Lassie?"

Vincent woofed and grinned; Kate laughed with Sawyer when he said, "I know. I would have liked to see them wrestle too." He cut his eyes to Kate, who was giggling, her face pressed against his chest. He sighed, then glanced at Eko. "Never a dull moment, eh Ed?"?"

Eko smiled. "A very smart man once said, 'There was never yet an uninteresting life. Such a thing is an impossibilty. Inside the dullest exterior there is a drama, a comedy, a tragedy.'" He touched Sawyer's arm. "Let us hope yours has a happy ending."

Sawyer smiled. "I do hope that." He cocked his head. "Who said it?"

Eko grinned. "Mark Twain." He winked at Sawyer. "You know, he created the most famous mischief-maker of all time. Tom _Sawyer_." Laughing to himself, he and Vincent followed Jack and Ana into the jungle, leaving Kate and Sawyer smiling happily at each other.


	52. Chapter 52

**Chapter 51**

They weren't going to make the pass by dark; a torrential rainstorm had broken on them and the jungle floor was just a slippery, sucking bog that pulled on their feet when they tried to walk. Forced to slow to a crawl they were now way too far behind to make it to the mountain, much less over it. The rain had finally stopped but dusk was falling and the ground was still soaked.

"I think we should camp," Jack said, dropping his pack on the soggy ground. "We can go over the pass in the morning."

Ana shook her head; she was still pissed at him for snapping on her after Kate knocked her on her ass. _That_ pissed her off too; but that wasn't her reason for disagreeing. "No, Jack. We can't stay here. This is Their valley, and I for one would rather try to walk. Push on to the hatch." She eyed the ground. "And I don't really want to try to sleep in the mud."

Jack was equally mad at Ana; why did she have to stir sht up with Kate all the time? She was like Sawyer with long hair and boobs. "Yeah? Well we're tired. Tired people make mistakes; we could get lost, turn in the wrong direction, someone could fall in the dark, hell, we could be walking right to them." He shook his head. "No. We camp, wait until daylight."

Kate said, "I don't think so, Jack.' She hated to agree with Ana but she had a point. "Who's going to get any sleep in this muck? We should keep moving, put some distance between us and Them." She paused. "Besides, a moving target is harder to hit."

Jack glared at her, irked that she would go against him instead of having his back. "I guess you'd know all about being a moving target, wouldn't you Kate?"

Sawyer flared and Kate could feel him spark; he would definitely fry Jack. She held him back, looking at Jack with a little hurt. "Yeah," she said softly, and Jack was suddenly sorry he'd said it. "I do know all about it. And that's why you should listen to me."

Ana snorted. "Listen to you? You got _caught_, Bonnie. Weren't you with the Marshal, you know, the one whose guns we're all carrying?"

Kate tensed. How did she know that? Who would have told her? The truth thudded into her belly like a rock and she looked accusingly at Jack. "You told _her_?" He looked away and Kate snapped, "I don't believe you did that, Jack."

Jack rolled his eyes. "Oh, please, Kate. Sawyer told everyone within shouting distance that you were the Marshal's prisoner. Why the hell don't you give him sht about it?"

Sawyer stepped up, eyes flaring. Kate kept her body between his and Jack's, trying to avoid an incident; she could feel the power running through him as he said, "That's between us, Jackass, and it was a different set of circumstances."

Jack laughed nastily. "Oh really? well, why don't you tell me those 'circumstances?' Exactly how are they different?"

"Because when he outed me it was in anger and to a crowd. Spontaneous." Kate was flaring too; Sawyer's energy was diffusing itself into her and she snapped, "When did you tell her? By the campfire? In the _shower_?" She turned to Ana, smirking. "Does he talk about me before, during or after?" She laughed at Ana's expression, then glared at Jack again. "You made a concious decision, Jack, to tell someone, a stranger, about my past and my reasons for being here. That's the difference."

"Come on, Kate," Jack snorted. "She could have found that out from anybody. Everyone knows." It was a hollow rationalization and he knew it; he flinched as Kate laughed in his face.

"You _are_ a jackass. You know what? I'm done." She looked into his eyes and said it again, "I'm done."

A door closed behind her eyes and Jack grabbed her arm, trying to reason with her, but Sawyer's hand flew out from behind her, grabbing him by the throat; Jack's skin tingled unpleasantly where Sawyer touched him. "Don't you touch her, Jack." His voice was cold.

Ana shoved him, trying to make him let go of Jack; Kate shoved her back as Sawyer let go of him, glaring. Eko and Vincent watched them from a distance, the four of them shoving and shouting; he sighed sadly, looking down at the solemn-eyed dog. "Difficult times lie ahead, Vincent." He stepped up to put a stop to the argument before it came to blows.

"Please, please," he said, holding his hands up in the air to quiet them. "Please," he said again as they all stopped, and turned to him looking a little ashamed of themselves. "Fighting amongst yourselves will not solve the problem at hand." They all separated, still shooting glares and threatening stares at each other; Eko shook his head, smiling to himself, they reminded him of the children at the orphanage in Nigeria. "That's better. Now, I believe that Katherine and Ana-Lucia are correct- we should keep walking." Jack started to protest, but Eko shook his head again and continued, "We will not lose the trail, Jack. James and I can follow it."

Sawyer glanced at Eko questioningly, but he just smiled. Wait. Jack was glaring at them all crazily, "Fine. I guess I'm outnumbered. But if anything goes wrong, Eko, it's on you."

Eko just smiled. "Nothing will go wrong, Jack. Everything will go _just right_." He smiled at Sawyer, who grinned back, pulling Kate to him.

They trailed into the dark jungle, disappearing into the shadows as the whispers began to swirl softly behind them.

-----

Locke was fascinated by the files in his lap; he had finally raided the kitchen and found some sodas and a few packages of crackers that were slightly stale; but bonanza! he had found tucked away in a cabinet eight boxes of Twinkies. And they were still good. They lasted eight thousand years, after all.

The alarm went off and Locke stared at the timer as it continued to count down; finally at two minutes it reset, and the televisions flickered and reset. Then the automated voice, "Timer reset. One hundred and eight minute surveillance countdown beginning. Nothing detected." He had looked around the hatch enough to know that there was no one here, and there hadn't been for a long time. The TVs were automated, the surveillance was automated, even the lights were automated; but the button wasn't, because it took a different amount of time each cycle to get pressed. A computer would execute at the same time interval, every time. It was the swan station that was pushing the button, he was sure, and it was resetting the surveillance equipment here. He wondered if it had anything to do with the _incident_.

He felt his pocket reassuringly; it was still there. The Island's salvation lay in his pocket and it was safe.

An alarm sounded; it was different from the button alarm, shrill and piercing, like a steaming teakettle. The lone television on the far side of the room came on; Locke covered his ears and ran to it, wiping the dust from the screen. It was one of the ocean views, but there was something in the distance; a ship. Locke's heart froze as the automated voice spoke loudly, "Incoming detected. Incoming detected. Scanning." The alarm was shrieking but Locke ignored it; there was a ship out there; that meant rescue. And he didn't want rescue. The alarm cut off and the sudden silence made his ears ring. "Scan negative. Tesseract deactivated. You will have 5 seconds to override by pressing execute." The computer whirred to life and began a countdown from 5...4..3..2..

John considered pressing it just to see what would happen; his finger hovered over the button but he pressed just a fraction of a second too late; the computer powered down again and he pushed the keys frantically but with no result.

The ship disappeared over the horizon and the television went blank too. John sank into the chair next to the computer, sighing shakily. What the hell was this place?

-----

The dark was complete; the stars were muffled and dim and the jungle was strangely silent. Sawyer and Eko led the line, with Kate and Vincent behind them, and Jack and Ana bringing up the rear. Sawyer kept glancing back at Kate to make sure she was okay; he didn't really worry too much about her when she was with Vincent because that dog would take a bullet for her if he needed to. She was as safe with him as she could be but Sawyer wanted to protect her himself; it was his right because she belonged to him.

Completely. She had shut Jack out and Sawyer felt it. No part of her belonged to anyone else; she was _his_. Of course she still cared about Jack, she didn't want him to die or anything, but she didn't _care_ about him.

But part of him still belonged to someone else, and he hated himself for letting it be that way. He could just let it go, he could visualize himself letting go of Frank and Sawyer forever and being just James but his powers didn't extend to this, apparently, because it didn't seem to be working. He couldn't let go until he knew for sure he was dead.

Eko spoke to him from the darkness, his voice low so no one could overhear him. "James, we are in dangerous territory. You are."

He paused, and Sawyer asked, "Shouldn't Kate hear this, Ed?"

Eko smiled. "Yes, of course."

Sawyer smiled and dropped back a few feet to Kate, who was shining Jack's old flashlight in front of her; it was wobbly light and very dim after its trip into the ocean, but it was better than nothing. She flicked the light up under her chin as Sawyer fell into step with her. "Boo."

He smiled. "You already scare me enough, Freckles. That ain't necessary." She grinned and bumped her shoulder gently against him, and he whispered, "You wanna join me and Ed for a little chat?"

She frowned. "I don't know if I do, Tex. It's never good news, is it?"

He laughed and hugged her to him. "No, it never is." He looked down at her, suddenly serious. "But I want you to be with me, Kate."

Her eyes were shining as she said, "Yeah, yeah, Cowboy, it's always about what _you_ want." He grinned and took her hand, drawing her up even with Eko. Her flashlight sputtered one last time and died. "Damn." She took her hand away from his to unscrew the cap, trying to jostle the batteries into working.

Sawyer grinned at her and kissed her gently on the cheek, taking the flashlight from her hands. He glanced back at Jack and Ana who were too busy glaring at each other to pay attention to what he was doing. "Close your eyes, Kate." She did, and he whispered, "Take my hand." Her fingers slid into his and she felt brighter; her whole body felt full of light and when she opened her eyes she could _see_; it was still dark night outside, but the light behind her eyes lit up the path before her. She looked up at Sawyer in wonder and he smiled. "I feel like I should be in a comic book or somethin'. James Ford, the Human Flashlight."

Awestruck, she said, "Who _are_ you?"

He leaned into her ear, whispering, "I'm a complex guy, sweetheart."

She laughed, still a little stunned. "Yeah. I'll say."

Eko cleared his throat. "James, are you done showing off?" Saywer and Kate had forgotten why they were there and they grinned sheepishly at each other before turning to Eko, who shook his head in exasperation. "You are all like children." Sighing, he turned serious, glancing back at Ana and Jack, who still trailed them by a good margin. "As I said, we are in dangerous territory, here in this Valley."

Kate was instantly serious, though Sawyer still didn't seem too concerned. "What kind of danger?"

"Temptation." He paused and they walked a few steps before he continued. " 'Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried he will recieve the crown of life.' James 1:12." He looked askance at Sawyer; he was smiling at Kate. "Everyone is tempted, James. Even Jesus." They were silent, waiting for him to continue. "He was led into the wilderness; the spirit called him there. He stayed, fasting for forty days and forty nights and he was hungry. Satan came to him in the deepest throes of his hunger and said, 'If you really are who you say you are, if you really are the Son of God, then turn these stones to bread that you may eat'. But Jesus refused, saying, 'Man does not live by bread alone.' So Satan tried another trick to shake Jesus' faith; he spirited Jesus away to the top of the temple in the Holy City, and there he said, 'Throw yourself from the top of this temple, and if you are truly the Son of God the angels will catch you before you fall." Jesus refused again, replying that he could not be tempted. The Devil was getting desperate; he could not make Jesus deny his faith. He tried once more; spiriting Jesus to the top of the highest mountain he showed him all of the kingdoms of the world and said, 'All of this can be yours, if you deny you are the Son of God and join me.' And Jesus refused again, and with that the Devil disappeared, thwarted in his attempt to destroy us all."

THey were quiet and Sawyer finally spoke, drawing Kate against him as he did. "Ed, I don't know if I can resist that. It's too strong."

"You must, James. Or It will destroy us all." Eko considered a moment; Sawyer could see his smile. "You lack faith, James, just like Jesus' brother, yes?" Sawyer didn't answer. "You don't have to do it, what you feel you need to. You _are_ James, deep inside; Sawyer is just a skin you wear and you feel naked and open beneath it. Raw. That scares you and I understand. Katherine understands." He felt Kate's hands tighten around him; Eko leaned into them both as they walked slowly and whispered, "Neither Kate or I will let anything hurt you, James, if you remove that skin and throw it to the wind. We will protect you; Katherine will keep you. Let it go. It is the only thing that stands between you."

Kate squeezed him and smiled up into his eyes. "Let it go, James," she said, the name feeling alien on her tongue; it almost felt like she was talking about someone else.

Sawyer stared at her for a minute, breathless. It was the first time she had ever _really_ called him by his name, not counting the arguments. It stopped his heart to hear her say it; before he knew it he had crushed himself to her, kissing her hard and clutching her body against his.

She couldn't breathe; she didn't want to. She finally pulled away a little, croaking, "Sawyer, you're crushing me."

He released his grip but still held her against him. Eko smiled at them; they were so close. "It is not the great temptations that ruin us, it is the little ones." He smiled to himself as they all continued walking into dangerous territory.


	53. Chapter 53

**Chapter 52**  
The trees were speaking to him as they walked, their leaves whispering warnings into the night air; Sawyer could hear them and he steeled himself for what was coming. The battle was about to begin.

He tried to focus his energy on this first skirmish in the war they were going to wage; this would be the opening shot by the enemy to take stock of them and he wasn't sure they were ready. Frank Sawyer still kept them apart, he still owned a part of him and that breach between he and Kate was an opening the enemy could make use of.

They would use Kate against him anyway and he was trying to prepare himself for that; when it came to her he lost all ability to be rational, especially if she was in danger. If one of Them made a move for her he would snap and Eko had cautioned him -again- against showing any of his abilities; he _had_ to refrain from turning anyone into charcoal.

Kate walked next to him with her arms wrapped around his waist; she could sense that something was wrong, he was tense and his skin snapped softly against hers when they touched. "What is it, Sparky?"

His arms tightened around her as Vincent growled throatily, his hackles rising. "They are coming."

As he said it the sky went black and everything was muffled and silent; the bearded man stepped out of the trees as a dozen torches flared up in the jungle. "And we're here!" He paused and looked around at all of them. "Well, it certainly is good to see you all again. Did you miss me? You folks don't like to stay put, do ya?"

They were all frozen together; Jack pulled Ana to him instictively, Sawyer pushed Kate behind him and Vincent stood beside her, growling viciously. Jack spoke first. "What do you want?"

The man laughed harshly. "We told you before, Doctor, we want the carpenter." He looked at Sawyer and jerked his head at Jack. "I thought doctors were supposed to be smart?" Sawyer smiled grimly; it _was_ funny.

Everyone looked confused except Eko; his eyes snapped to the man and he said, "The carpenter?"

His eyes flicked to Sawyer, who was glaring at the man with hatred, his smile gone; the man noticed Eko's gaze and nodded. "Yeah. See, this here is _our_ Island and we don't take kindly to people comin' here to take it away from us."

Sawyer snapped, "Nobody wants this damn island, Bluebeard. You can have it; just get the hell out of here and leave us alone." Kate placed her hand softly on his back for reassurance and also as a warning; he backed down slightly.

Bluebeard flicked his eyes to Eko, who was looking a little worried; shaking his head in wonder he said, "He doesn't know yet?" He chuckled nastily and looked back at Sawyer. "Somebody wants this Island, con man. _We_ do." He grinned at Kate and her stomach turned to ice; she let Sawyer move in front of her, blocking his view.

Kate needed him; that thought filled him with power and he was suddenly very calm and serene, peaceful. She gave him the power he needed to withstand anything; the battle was beginning and he was ready. "Don't you dare look at her."

Kate felt the change in him; he filled with some inner light and she could feel the heat radiating from him; it comforted her and she felt calm, too, as she leaned just slightly into Sawyer's back, letting him feel her presence.

Snickering nastily, Bluebeard said, "You ever hear of John Owen?" He paused, his eyes glinting in the torchlight; Eko nodded and he smiled. "Yeah, I figured _you_ would. He was a Theologian during the English Civil War and he sided with Cromwell against the Crown; in return for his faith he was rewarded with several high posts in the Church. During that time he wrote a lot of essays on the nature of faith and religion, especially focusing on atonement and temptation. In fact, he said 'Temptation is like a knife that may either cut the meat or the throat of a man; it may be his food or his poison, his excercise or his destruction.'" He paused and stared intently at Sawyer. "Ain't that how it always is? Everything has two sides." He turned away, grinning at Eko. "You know Mark Twain, I believe? He had something to say about temptation too. He said, 'I deal with temptation by yielding to it.' I like that a lot better. It's so much...easier. On everyone." As he said that he looked back to Sawyer, who was standing serenely; Kate could feel him trembling, though, and she pressed a little closer to him. Bluebeard's smile disappeared and he said, "Well, lets get down to it, shall we?" He held his hands up in the air and a small black cloud swirled itself into a ball above his fingers; he pulled it down and held it out to Sawyer. "Take this."

Sawyer didn't want to; he glanced at Eko who smiled and nodded. This was a test to see if James was ready; if he did not pass this test they were all in trouble. Sawyer reached out and took the ball from Bluebeard's hands being careful not to touch him. He held the ball in his hands and looked into it.

The whirling smoke parted and it flashed. Sawyer gazed into it, stunned and saddened by what he saw. The man smiled. "You hunger for that, don't you? You always have."

Kate tried to look around him into the smoke, but Eko pulled her back, shaking his head. "Katherine, this is his battle to win. Just be there for him." She looked rebellious, but then she nodded and put her hand back on him, softly, lending him her strength.

Sawyer was still staring into the ball; it was him, he was a little boy, standing with his mom and dad and they were _happy_, smiling and laughing and together. A family. The man laughed. "Yeah, I figured that one would get to you. You can have that, you know. Come to us and you can have that again."

He wanted to; he wanted his family back, the chance to go back and do it all over. But he didn't need to anymore, he had a reason for keeping his life where it was right now; reliving his past wasn't necessary. He smiled at the image once more then shook his head. "No. I don't need it anymore."

Bluebeard smiled. He was gonna be tougher to crack than he thought. "Okay, then try this one." Sawyer gazed back into the cloud and it rolled and flashed and a new vision swam into focus; it was him, holding a gun on Frank Sawyer as he read him the letter. Then he pulled the trigger. "That is what you've wanted all along, isn't it?"

Sawyer could feel the weight lifting from his chest as he said, "Yes."

Kate didn't like his tone, she clutched her fingers into his back, digging them into his skin. "Don't, James," she whispered and his stomach flipped at his name. He stopped and relaxed a little. It wasn't real. It wasn't real.

The man frowned. "You can still do it, con man, ease that burden you've carried for so long. The Island will give it to you, if you ask. If you come to us."

He gazed at the vision for a few more seconds. He wanted it; to be James he needed it. Only Kate's hand on him stopped him from going. Sighing, he shook his head. "No. I don't need it anymore." His voice wasn't as sure as his words and Bluebeard smiled.

"You've been prepared well, con man. But I saved the big guns for last." He nodded at the ball and Sawyer looked into it, reluctantly. He was afraid he already knew what was coming.

Bluebeard's voice became soft and cajoling. "It's hard to resist, isn't it? You can have it if you come to us. It can be real, _you_ can make it real. You will have that power if you join us."

He wanted to cry; he wanted to have it. He was so tempted, to give in and let Them take him if he could have the reality of what he was seeing.

Eko watched him in fear; the vision was a powerful one and it was for this reason that he hadn't wanted James to see it beforehand. It had time to work on his mind, to think on just how much he wanted it to be true and now that the time had come for him to deny it Eko was not sure he could do it.

Kate was scared; he wasn't doing anything, just staring into the ball, its flashes reflecting on his face as he gazed at it, enraptured. The world lay before him; the possibilities of a life he never dared to hope for spun in the swirling cloud. He wanted it. He _needed_ it.

He was wavering; the man could see it. He smiled triumphantly as Sawyer raised his shining eyes from the ball. "No," he said hoarsely, and as he let go of the swirling smoky globe it dissipated into nothing and disappeared. "No, I don't need it." He could barely choke out the words because they were a lie; but the real Kate was here with him, now, and he wouldn't sacrifice her or himself for something that was only a possibility in swirling smoke.

The man gritted his teeth in frustration. "We're gonna get you, con man, one way or another. Next time we won't be so nice." He leered at Kate. "And I'll be seeing you again, sweetheart." He flicked his eyes over her and she grabbed Sawyer's arm to keep him from leaping.

The man melted into the jungle angrily, and the torches disappeared as the stars returned; life returned to the night and everyone just stared at each other for a few minutes. Eko smiled finally and went to Sawyer, clapping him on the shoulder. "Very good, James. You did wonderfully. I think you are ready, but for one more thing I must show you." He glanced around the jungle warily, then at Jack and Ana, who seemed to be recovering from their shock; Jack was pulling away from Ana and coming over to them. "Now is not the time, you understand? Be patient, James."

Jack stopped inches from Sawyer and said angrily, "What was all that about? They threatened to take Ana if we didn't bring him the carpenter. Why did he call you that?"

Sawyer froze and Eko said, "Because that is what James did in the real world. He was in construction, yes, James?"

Sawyer smiled a little ruefully. It wasn't completely a lie, he _had_ run some construction cons. "Yeah. I was in construction." Kate ducked her head and grinned; she could just imagine what he meant by that.

Ana came up too, she avoided looking at Kate. "What was that thing in your hands? What did you see?"

Sawyer didn't know how to answer and Eko came to his rescue again. "Now is not the time to discuss this. We need to push on to the hatch, where the jungle does not have so many eyes and ears."

Jack looked like he was going to argue but he glanced at Ana and then Kate; they both looked a little worried and scared. He sighed. "Fine. Let's go." He held out his hands for Eko, bowing with mock politeness; he wanted to know what was going on and it was pissing him off that he couldn't get a straight answer.

Eko smiled and started into the trees, Sawyer and Kate followed behind him, with Vincent padding softly behind them; he wanted to get away from the other two; he suspected that was why He wasn't talking to him anymore and he missed their conversations. He woofed softly to himself in the dark and Kate felt Sawyer grin above her. "I know, Fido," he said, his voice low so Jack and Ana couldn't hear. "I don't like 'em either."

Kate smiled and pressed her face into Sawyer's shirt, her arms wrapped around him. "I'm proud of you, James," she whispered. "I knew you could do it."

He squeezed her and brushed his lips across her forehead, his heart flipping as she said his name. "Don't call me that Kate, please. I ain't him, not yet, and it won't mean as much until I am." He bent his head to hers and kissed her softly, gently as thay walked; he pulled away and said, "I will be soon. And then that is the only name I ever want you to call me."

Kate's heart sang; she swallowed it and said, "Well I can't make that promise, Tex, 'cause you just seem to inspire other ones."

He laughed and sighed happily. "As long as you don't call me Jack."

She chuckled with him and their laughter melted together in harmony as it floated through the jungle canopy and up to the stars.

-----

Locke was kicked back in the chair next to the bank of televisions; he had files spread across his chest and they rose and fell with his breath as he dozed with his feet propped up on the desk.

The shrieking alarm went off again and Locke jerked awake spilling files everywhere as he jumped from the chair; he ran to the lone TV and watched as a view of the ocean flickered on. In the distance there was a small ship, like a fishing boat; he could just make out the nets hanging from the rigging. The automated voice cranked up saying, "Incoming detected. Scanning." John waited tensely; it felt like forever; finally the voice said, "Target acquired. Activating tesseration sequence." The computer below the TV flashed on with the familiar countdown, but as Locke's eyes flicked back to the TV he saw a long column of black smoke rolling across the water, and as the coundown reached zero it exploded, expanded across the ocean with lighning flashes and rolling smoke; it held in place for a second, extended so far across that Locke could see the fishing boat through it. Then, flashing and sparking it collapsed upon itself and zipped back across the water and before the television could flicker off Locke noticed that the boat was _gone_.

The voice echoed through the room, "Tesseration complete. Target acquired."

Locke stared at the blank screen. What the _hell?_


	54. Chapter 54

**Chapter 52**  
The sun was rising as they crested the pass and after the deluge the day before the humidity was unbearable. It was like trying to breathe through wet cloth; even Jack and Sawyer puffed a little as they topped the mountain and looked down on the island below them.

They had been going all night; the climb up the pass was slippery and wet and they were all filthy and muddy and ready to stop walking. But they didn't dare stop so they headed down the path without pausing.

Kate was so tired she could barely keep her feet moving, she'd been up for almost two days straight; the feeling of calm and serenity had faded to be replaced by fear and worry and her yo-yoing emotions had worn her out. She stumbled against Sawyer and he caught her, stopping and looking into her eyes. "You okay, Freckles?" He wasn't tired in the least, the encounter had energized him; he had won the first battle and it gave him confidence and clarity. He felt _good_ and he knew that he owed it all to Kate; without her he could never have kept his control.

She nodded, but her eyes were slightly glazed and he felt a little badly that he hadn't noticed how exhausted she was. "I'm just tired."

He kissed her forehead and held her close for a moment, then he turned his back to her and said, "You wanna ride?"

She smiled blearily. "Is that all you ever think about, Sawyer?"

He rolled his eyes at her. "Just get on, Freckles." She still looked a little dubious and he sighed and whispered to her, caressing her arms as he did, bringing goosebumps to her skin, "Let me carry you, baby. You've been carryin' me all this time."

She grinned and nodded, love flooding her. "Okay." Yawning, she climbed up onto his back, wrapping her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck; he shifted his hands so they were supporting her behind; he felt her grin against his neck. "I knew there was something in it for you." She yawned again, her breath tickling his ear; his hands tightened on her. "I'm not too heavy, am I?"

He smiled as her voice faded against him; he shook his head. "No, you're perfect." Her body pressed to his gave him energy and power; he could carry her to the ends of the earth if she asked him to. "Just get some rest Freckles. I'll take care of you."

"I know." He felt her relax and he smiled.

Ana was watching them jealously; Jack was barely speaking to her, although she didn't think it was really about her because he wasn't speaking to any of them. He glared at Eko and Sawyer alternately, barely sparing her or Kate a glance and Ana was at least thankful for that- he was ignoring Kate too.

She was intrigued by what had happened; what had Sawyer seen? What was that all about anyway? The carpenter? Was he supposed to be Jesus or something, come to save them all? She snickered at the idea of Sawyer as divine. But why did They want him? She sighed; each question only brought up three more and she was getting dizzy from all of them swirling in her head.

Vincent trotted up to Ana and woofed at her shoes, and Sawyer said, automatically, "Your shoe is untied." He gritted his teeth as soon as he said it, Eko turned to look at him sharply and he mouthed "Sorry," at him as he kicked himself. He hadn't been paying attention, feeling Kate's steady breathing against his back had distracted him and he'd said it without thinking.

Ana glanced down at her feet; her left shoe was untied, the lace dragging in the mud. She looked back up at Sawyer, whose back was still to her. "How did you know that?"

"Lucky guess." He cringed at the lame excuse.

Ana didn't buy it. She looked between him and the dog and the said, "Do you understand him?" She pointed to a grinning Vincent and Sawyer tried to look like he thought she was crazy.

Jack snorted. "Understand him? Ana, that's a dog."

Ana ignored him, staring at Sawyer. "You do. How...?"

Eko sighed, giving Sawyer a dirty look. He smiled back apologetically, shrugging gently so he wouldn't disturb Kate. Eko turned to Ana. "Yes. James can understand Vincent."

Jack looked at them both like they were crazy. "You're nuts! Come on, Sawyer can talk to a dog?"

Sawyer flared; Jack got under his skin so easily, though it was more of a habit now than anything. He growled quietly, "Why should that surprise you, Jackass? I've been talkin' to you for months."

Eko glared at him, and Sawyer looked away; he tried to concentrate on Kate's breath on his neck instead and as he did he felt his calmness return and he relaxed a little. "There are many things on this Island that seem insane, Jack, impossible. But that doesn't mean they aren't real."

Jack shook his head. "You and Locke are two of a kind. Why can't you just come out with a straight answer? How can Sawyer understand a dog?"

Eko smiled sadly at Jack. "Patience, Jack." he hesitated. "Trying to understand is like straining through muddy water. Be still and allow it to settle and what you wish to see will be clear." He smiled and touched Jack's arm. "You will understand in time. Be satisfied with that."

Jack glared crazily at Eko's hand on him. "You are all insane." He jerked away and stomped off into the trees.

Ana looked at Eko for a moment, smiling sadly, then she followed Jack into the jungle. Eko turned to Sawyer, _angrily_ and it scared him to see Ed all riled up. "I'm sorry, Ed. It was just a reflex. A slip." He spoke quietly, Kate was still and content; he didn't want her to wake.

Eko tried to calm himself; anger solved nothing. "James, a slip like that can cost us the battle that could cost us the war. Jack has not chosen his side yet; your abilities are your weapons and they should be kept from the enemy as long as possible so that we keep the element of surprise." He sighed, "We are at war; there may not be tanks or airplanes or bombs but make no mistake, this is battle. There can be only one victor and to them go the spoils." He looked pointedly at Kate and Sawyer quailed a little at the thought of her being touched by any one of Them. "To love and win is the best thing; to love and lose the next best-William Thackeray." Looking Sawyer in the eye he said, "James, you do not want the next best thing. We must win. This is no longer a game."

-----

Locke was flipping through the piled up books on the metal shelves; he wasn't really paying attention though, his mind was swimming with what he had seen. What the hell did it do? What was tesseration? None of the files had anything useful, they were just records of alarm readings that ended in the late seventies; he had stooped going through them after a while.

He wondered how far the others were; if they were coming at all. He wasn't too concerned.

A paper fell out of one of the books; it was folded several times and John opened it with excitement; he was rewarded when he opened it up into another map. This one was different, though, it had five areas marked in white and three in red; his eyes opened wide as he read the tags next to the colored spots.

The white ones first. "Swan, Shark, Arrow...Eagle?" He couldn't make out the last one, it was torn, like someone had taken an eraser to it. Dotted lines criss-crossed the island, leading from hatch to hatch; he guessed they were tunnels or just paths through the jungle; he looked at the Shark Station and noted that the hatch itself was underwater, a half-mile away from shore. The Eagle? hatch was in the eastern ridge of mountains, and the one he couldn't read was in the western ridge.

He moved to the red areas; he nodded at the first, the Zoology Center. The next area was directly north of the entrance to the Shark hatch; it was only shaded in, there was no title to it. The last red area was in between the parentheses of the mountains; it was large but it didn't have a title attatched either. He sighed. Answers without answers. The Island didn't give its secrets away willingly.

-----

It was late afternoon when they reached the hatch; Kate was on her own feet again, having spent the day stretched cozily across Sawyer's back, feeling his muscles ripple beneath his skin, his sweat pooling against her; she pretended to sleep, knowing it would make him feel good, but the feel of him kept her awake.

Eventually it had gotten to be too much, for both of them; the prolonged, jostling contact was driving them both mad and when she couldn't take another second Kate said, breathlessly, "Let me down, Tex."

"You sure, Freckles?" He said slyly. "Felt like you were enjoyin' the ride." He released her legs and she slid down him, standing shakily for a second.

She leaned against him and said, "I was. A little too much." The electric spark between them intensified as Sawyer kissed her, slowly. Vincent bounded into their legs, making Sawyer's already weak knees buckle; he swiped angrily at the dog, ready to give him a shocking lesson, but Vincent dodged out of his grasp, barking.

Sawyer straightened and pulled Kate to him, taking her hand. "The hatch is ahead." he glanced at Eko, who questioned him with his gaze. "He said it's open already."

"Locke went in already?" Kate asked. "What about the vaccine?"

They all exchanged glances; they had forgotten about the vaccine and the sickness.

Jack shook his head. "Danielle was lying. For all we know it could be the sickness instead. I'm not injecting that stuff."

Kate shook her head too. "I don't like needles. I'm not doing it."

Sawyer shrugged. He wasn't because he didn't need to and neither did Kate; he would take care of her if anything happened. "I ain't stickin' a dirty old needle in my arm anyway. Who knows where that's been."

Ana looked up, almost smiling. "I'm ditto on the dirty needle thing."

Eko smiled at them all. "See, James, I told you it was a fools' errand. But 'He is a fool who cannot conceal his wisdom.'" They all moved to the edge of the hatch and peered down into the deep dark hole. "And so the journey was not a complete waste, was it?"

Sawyer smiled into the abyss. No, it wasn't. The journey was what made the end worthwhile.


	55. Chapter 55

**Chapter 53**  
Locke glanced up as they all straggled in; taking in their appearance he grinned. "Looks like you had a rough hike."

Jack glared at him. "Why didn't you wait for us, Locke?"

Locke glanced back to the book he was looking through; he smiled and rubbed his forehead. "I wasn't aware that those were my orders, Jack." It had been so peaceful without him. "There's a shower down the hall to the right." He directed that to Kate and Ana, who both looked bedraggled, dirty and miserable.

For an instant Sawyer thouhgt they would come to blows over the shower; they both moved towards the hallway at the same time and then stopped, glaring at each other. Sawyer put his hand on Kate and said, quietly, "Let her go first, Freckles. You and me can take our time later."

His breath in her ear and his hand on her arm made her mad with desire; she could feel him slicking against her with hot water running over them and she shivered, closing her eyes and savoring the vision. Sighing, she gave in. "Okay." Ana smirked as she stepped back and just to get even, she touched Jack on the arm and whispered, "I'm gonna shower. You could use one, too." It was an invitation and Jack wanted to take her up on it. He smiled and nodded, and Ana disappeared into the hall.

Kate was looking disgusted and Sawyer didn't get angry; he felt a little sick himself. "Come on, Freckles," he said, lets go check this place out." He took her hand and they went back into the hall too.

Jack stared at Locke for a minute, then said, "Did you find anything?" The hostility was there but muted; John had to admire Jack's willpower if nothing else.

Locke set down the book and pulled the map from his pocket. "Yeah. Check it out." He handed it to Jack, who opened it and gazed in amazement. "Found it in a book." He held it up for Jack to read.

"_Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_?" Jack shook his head. "Never read it."

Locke smiled. "Me either. But you can't judge a book by its cover." He gestured to the map. "Two more hatches? And if the red area here," he pointed to the Zoo, "is the Zoology Center, then what are these?" He motioned to the two other shaded areas.

Jack shook his head, then looked around at the TVs and computers. His eyes fell on the timer and he groaned. "Not another doomsday computer?"

Locke shook his head, smiling, "No, Jack, that is one controlled by us, our hatch." He chuckled at Jack's look of relief.

"So what is all of this stuff? The TVs?"

"Some kind of surveillance set up. These are all of the ocean from different points on the island."

"What are they watching the ocean for?" As he said it the shrieking alarm went off, and Locke grinned.

"You're about to find out." He led Jack to the lone television, which had flickered on and was showing a large battleship of some sort on the horizon.

Jack was dumbfounded; he said, "Where is that, Locke? Where on the island?" The automated voice cut him off with the usual recording. "Incoming detected. Scanning." Jack stared around in confusion, then watched the ship steam away as the voice called out, "Military ship. Not valid target. Tesseract disabled." This time there was no option offered to override it.

Shaking his head, Locke said, "That was a new one." He glanced up at Jack, unsure if he should fill him completely in. He sighed. "The last one, about five or six hours ago, looked like a fishing boat. A black cloud rolled out over the water and covered it up, and then it was gone. Boat, cloud, everything. _Vanished._"

Jack shook his head in disbelief again. "What the hell is this place, John?"

Locke smiled. 'I don't know, Jack. But I would bet that one of those hatches in the mountains is like this one, only instead of watching the water it watches the sky." He smiled. "A security system."

Jack sighed. "So, should we check it out? Or try one of the red areas?"

Locke shrugged. "I think that's a decision that should be made by everyone, don't you? There are four beds, everyone get some sleep and we'll talk about it in the morning." He grinned, nodding at the banks of flourescent lights. "Or whatever feels like morning." He tapped his forehead. "Oh, yeah, there is a door down the left-hand hall that has an electronic security lock on it. Do you have the badge from the drains?"

Jack grimaced. "No, Sawyer does. Good luck getting it from him." He sighed and pushed open the sagging door. "Good night."

Locke grinned. "Sleep tight." Jack heard him chuckle as he exited the room.

-----

Kate and Sawyer went down the left-hand hall after leaving the surveillance room; Locke had said the showers were on the right and they didn't want to be anywhere _near_ there. They found the one door at the end of the hall and Sawyer frowned at the lock. "Damn."

Kate giggled. "You have the badge, dummy. Swipe it."

He pulled it out of his pack and looked at it, hating the feel of holding something that had anything to do with Him. Holding it with distaste he swiped it through gingerly; the red light flicked on, then the yellow; Kate leaned over to read the display and she smiled, surprised.

Sawyer craned over her to read it and his eyes narrowed. "What the hell? Who is Charles Wallace?" He turned the badge over in his hands and his eyes widedned. The picture was clear and the name perfectly visible; some dweeby guy with glasses and red hair.

They exchanged glances and Kate sighed and shrugged. The green light flicked on and she smiled at Sawyer, waiting for him to open the door. "A southern gentleman opens the door for a lady."

His lips curled into a smile and he said, "I don't know where you got the idea I was a gentleman, Freckles. Or that you were a lady, for that matter." She smacked him and he chuckled, reaching around her to open the door, making sure he was pressed as close to her as he could get.

The door swung open; as it did a horrible shrieking wail filled the hatch and Sawyer grabbed her instinctively and pulled her inside, shutting the door behind them. Kate covered her ears as they leaned against the door; it finally stopped and Kate lifted her head and gasped.

They were in a giant aquarium, a fishbowl; the entire room was made of glass windows and the sea floor stretched out in front of them. There was a couch and a bed; Kate thought she saw a bathroom too. It was still daylight outside and the sunlight rippled along the sandy bottom; the water created dappled rays of light that flickered into the aquarium.

Kate stood transfixed at it; she could see hundreds of little muticolored fish darting around in the sunlight and coral beds spotted the floor like scattered pieces of rainbows. As she watched a shark trolled slowly through the water, the sunlight dappling on his steel gray skin; she put her fingers on the glass, wanting to touch the beauty of it.

The ocean view was beautiful but Sawyer couldn't take his eyes from Kate; the ripples of sunlight danced across her dirty, sweaty skin and her muscles rippled along with them; suddenly desire gripped him and he had to touch her or he would die.

He stole up behind her, pressing himself against her as his hands stole around to her belly, then slid beneath her shirt as he kissed her neck. She moaned and leaned back against him as his hands slid higher; she panted for a minute as he caressed her, then she turned and pressed her mouth to his.

He swung her up into his arms and carried her to the bed; their dirty clothes left streaks on the bedspread, but they didn't notice, or care. Kate was tearing at his clothes, gasping against his mouth as he grazed his hand across her belly, tickling her; he grabbed her hands, stopping her from trying to frantically disrobe him and he held them, kissing her fingers. "Just be still, Kate. Wait here." He leapt up from the bed and disappeared into a room to the side, coming back he smiled at her and bent over her on the bed.

She reached up to pull him to her but he stopped her, his voice husky with desire. "Be still. Don't move."

She gave in and he began with her shoes and socks, just like at the rock; he pulled off her shoes, slowly, caressing her ankle and calf, then the sock. Same thing on the other side. He moved up to her shirt, kissing her all around it and as he lifted it up slowly he trailed kisses up her stomach, over her bra. He pulled the shirt gently over her head, then his lips moved to hers, kissing them as he dropped the tank off the side of the bed.

His hands moved to the button of her jeans, his mouth still holding hers; she groaned as he undid them, sliding them off slowly, his fingers exploring her as they traveled lower and lower, dragging her jeans off in one motion. He picked her up, still holding her lips and carried her into the other room; opening a door steam bilowed out and Kate pulled away as she heard the sound of running water. "A shower?"

Sawyer grinned. "Yeah, I think we both need one." He kicked the door shut behind them and set Kate down; she removed her panties and bra as Sawyer disrobed quickly, pulling her to him as soon as they were off. he groaned as their skin touched and Kate sighed; he felt like he was melting into her and he pushed her into the shower, kissing her hungrily as the water poured on them.

He grabbed the bar of soap he had set out and began lathering his hands as Kate watched, her eyes shining at him, her hands wandering. He put his soapy hands to her and started to wash her in lazy, teasing circles that spiralled lower and lower as she moaned and pushed against his fingers. He pulled her tightly against him as she cried out, bucking aganst his hands; he smiled and kissed her as she relaxed and he started his lazy circles again.

Panting, but smiling wickedly, she grabbed the soap and started lathering up her hands; when she started to wash him he groaned and leaned into her; her washing became a little more urgent and when he stiffened and spasmed against her she didn't stop.

He couldn't bear anymore; sweeping her up in his arms he carried her back out to he bed, throwing them both down on it soaking wet; He levered himself above her and stared into her eyes, flush and excited as their skin slicked pleasantly together. "Kate," he dropped his mouth to her ear, his warm breath tickling it as he whispered, "I love you, Kate. I love you." he pushed gently into her and her sigh was his reply; he moved slowly, wanting to savor the sensation of her as she tightened and shuddered; he kept up the slow pace with difficulty and as she strained against him he stopped, putting his finegrs to her lips. "Kate, be still. Don't move."

Keeping her against him he sat up on his knees, pulling her as she wrapped her legs around him; he sat back on his heels and held Kate around the waist as she kissed him. Rise, fall. Rise fall. He watched her body moving against him and he buried his face in her chest, as she shuddered and cried out he groaned with her and crushed her close, kissing every inch of her wet, sweat slicked skin her could reach.

The sunlight dappled them, blurring their outlines until neither could tell where one started and the other ended.


	56. Chapter 56

**Chapter 56**  
Jack and Ana were cuddled up together on one of the bunk beds, basking in the afterglow of the shower and the sex.

Jack had come to her, finally; she had begun to think he wasn't going to and when he opened the shower door he had been rewarded with a brilliant smile and her arms going around his neck. The shower had been brief, though, the hot water ran out quickly and they had moved to the bed after Jack closed the bunk room door, which had no lock, and blocked it with a couple of small dressers.

She flushed a little as she remembered his hands on her, exploring every inch of her body; arousing, teasing, taunting her with his fingertips and tongue until she had to bury her face in the pillow to keep from screaming aloud. Jack had groaned as she did, shuddering and gasping as he followed her over the edge.

She smiled and stretched against him, pressing her naked body suggestively to him under the cheap blanket that covered them. She didn't know why they couldn't get it together; if they were within ten feet of each other for more than ten minutes they were arguing, unless they were fcking. And there was the problem- most of their arguments originated with Kate. It was always Kate; she would always be there, like some stone hanging over Ana's head, ready to crush her into a pancake if someone cut the rope holding it. And Jack had a sharp, sharp knife.

Jack smiled and pulled her close, kissing her as he slid beneath the covers with her; the feel of her skin on his made him stir again and as he pulled the blanket over their heads he whispered, "Round two?"

The shrieking alarm went off and Jack groaned. He looked at Ana sadly, kissing her softly, and reluctantly rolled out of bed, sitting on the edge and glaring at the ceiling; finally the alarm went off and Jack stood, stretching, as Ana eyed him appreciatively, running her gaze up and down his body while he dressed quickly and as he scooted the dressers out of the way she sighed. "Duty calls?"

He smiled back. "Yeah. Doctors are always on duty."

She rolled back over, stretching under the covers and smiling as Jack stopped to watch her; for an instant he considered telling Locke to stick it so he could climb back into the bunk with Ana and feel her body beneath his but he just took one long look at her before winking at her and leaving, shutting the door behind him.

Sighing, Ana got up and dressed slowly, enjoying the results of the afternoon. Briefly she wondered what time it was then shrugged. What did it really matter? Time didn't mean anything here. Pulling her shoes on, she glanced at the door, wishing he would come back in and make her clothes unnecessary; he didn't, and sighing with disappointment she finally opened the door and went out after him.

-----

The rippling sunlight had disappeared and the water was dark as night fell; Kate could see the beams of moonlight filtering through the water and they scattered across the bed they were lying in, casting moon shadows over them both as she caressed his chest while he held her across his lap, arms wrapped firmly around her waist.

He didn't want to move from this spot, ever; Kate's warm body curled up into his and he held her tightly, kissing her face and neck as the shadows danced around them. Her mouth found his and they kissed, deeply and powerfully; Sawyer could feel his strength returning and his hands began to explore her again, groaning as she turned and straddled his legs, leaning into his lips as she felt him stir again.

"More, Cowboy?" She smiled, teasing him, and as he grabbed her around the waist, pulling her down onto him she groaned and her grin disappeared.

His eyes were shining as she moaned softly; he sat up, pulling her body flush with his as he moved in her, her moans dissolving into frantic panting as she strained a little and increased her pace. Rise, fall. Rise, fall.

He gripped her hips and in one smooth motion flipped her over so that he was above her; her eyes widened at the change and she cried out as he thrust hard, covering her mouth with his.

Tension built between them; static sparks shot from Sawyer and he, too, cried out as Kate tightened and shuddered around him.

He didn't move from her and she was glad; his weight on her was comforting and somehow erotic and she kissed his sweaty face and neck as he throbbed gently. She wanted to draw him completely into her and her hands spasmed around him as if they were trying to do it; she didn't want them to be apart again, ever. Not even for a minute, not for a second; she was afraid to let him go.

Sawyer finally rolled off of her, kissing her as he did; the separation from her always hurt him a little, made him feel empty; he wondered if it did the same to her. He smiled; it must, since she was gripping him to her so hard he thought his bones would be ground to dust. "You okay, Freckles?" he whispered softly to her.

She smiled but her grip didn't relax. "Yeah."

He grinned. "Really? 'Cause you're taking my skin off." He glanced down at her hands which were white-knuckled from holding him. She let her grip loosen but she didn't move her hands. "I'm not goin' anywhere, baby. Don't you know?" His lips whickered against her ear. "I love you."

It was getting easier to say; the first time he had been scared because he had only said it once before and meant it, but that had been that, he had never seen her again. Of course, that was his fault, but deep down he was afraid if he said the words to Kate, if they went out there in the world away from the safety of his lips, then he would lose her too. But he hadn't. Now he loved to say it; the words were like honey on his tongue and he could see how much it pleased Kate to hear them. He said it again. "I love you, Kate."

She moved against him, smiling. "I know, Tex." She hesitated. "You know I do, right?" It bothered her that she could not bring herself to say the words and she felt guilty for holding back, but she just couldn't do it; every time she tried the words froze up in her throat and she choked on them. It was crazy, because she _did _love him, more than she had ever loved anyone or anything before; she was whole and he had made her that way, and in return she couldn't say the three little words that would make him happy. She hated herself for her weakness.

Sawyer grinned at her; he didn't care if she ever said the words to him; talk was cheap. But he could _hear_ her say them in her thoughts and that was plenty; at least he knew it wasn't a lie. "I know, Freckles." He bent his head to her. "I don't care if you ever say 'em, Kate. I know you love me and that's enough."

She felt like crying; instead she held him and said, "I do, James. I do."

His name from her mouth shocked him a little, as it always did; he kissed her, softly, savoring the sound of it; who he could be, who he wanted to be. For her. "Kate," he murmured against her, the moonshadows casting her into deep shadows before lighting her up again, "God, I love you, do you know how you've changed me?"

She laughed softly. He had changed alright, though she didn't think she had much to do with it. "I don't think it was all me, Tex."

He shook his shaggy head and looked into her eyes. "No, Kate. It was all you." He rolled up on his elbow.

She laughed a little. "No, James. It was all _you_. You wanted to be James all along, deep down. That had nothing to do with little ol' me."

He pulled her close and looked at her almost angrily. "It was you, Kate. Everything I do is for you. You made me want to be whole again, to be good enough to deserve you." He looked away. "I've never been a good person. I've done a lot of things, cold, heartless things." He glanced up at her as she smiled gently at him; who was she to judge? "A tiger don't change his stripes, Freckles, at least that's what I always thought."

"You're a good person, Sawyer. We all are, somewhere. Nobody starts off bad." She let her fingers drift along his face; it was time for his stitches to come out. She giggled. "Are you really worried about being a good person for _me_?"

"Yeah," he said softly.

She stared at him for a second. "Well, don't. I want you just the way you are; good, bad. I don't care, as long as it's you." She lay back against the pillows and sighed. "We each have two sides, don't we?" She glanced at him, he was still leaning on his elbow staring at her. "I mean, we are both good and bad; maybe that's why we fit together."

Sawyer thought about that for a minute, then smiled. "And you ladies love the bad boys."

Kate grinned and sat up to kiss him. "Yeah, we do."

-----

The aquaruim was lit with early morning sunshine; the fish and coral beds were hazy but Kate stood by the glass, fingers tracing the paths of the colorful little creatures as they swam by, totally oblivious to the fact that they were being watched. The water reflected on her face; it was sad and a little wistful and Sawyer kissed it as he slid behind her, hands rubbing her shoulders.

Kate sighed. "I wish I was a fish."

"You'd smell bad."

Kate laughed. "That's not what I mean." She turned to him, he fingers going to his lips. "They just swim all day, no worries, no cares. All they have to do is not get eaten." She sighed, looking back out into the water. "It's beautiful, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Sawyer said, but he was watching her. Tearing his eyes away, he said, "Come on, everyone will wonder where we are."

She suddenly glanced at him. "Can you hear the fish?"

He hesitated then shook his head. "Nah. Water keeps me from it, I think." She was still staring at the sea floor, watching the fish dart happily in and out of the coral beds and he grinned. "I don't want to go either."

She grinned; he could see her reflection in the glass. "That obvious, eh?" She paused. "I just wanna stay here with you, Sawyer. I don't want to go back to reality."

He hugged her. "Honey, I don't either. But this ain't just about us, though I wish it was." He smiled, squeezing her to him gently. "I was brought here for a reason, Freckles, and that was to save you. But to do that I have to save everyone. And then, only then, can I save myself."

Kate was scared. "You already saved me," she whispered. "Forget everyone else."

"Kate," he said softly. "All of these things I can do, all of the changes, do you think those were for nothing? I have a job to do, and I wish it were over so I could be with just you and be just James but it's not and I can never have what I want until it's done."

Scared tears were welling up in her eyes. "You already have me."

He kissed her, hard. "I know, Freckles. But you won't have me. And that's what I want."


	57. Chapter 57

**Chapter 57**

The shreiking alarm went off and Locke jumped to his feet hurrying to the TV as it flickered on showing large tanker; the automated voice came on and gave its usual message then a few seconds later the alarm shut off. The scan was negative.

After seeing the fishing boat disappear John wasn't tempted to override the tesseract, what ever it was; as the television flicked off Jack came in, looking very calm and relaxed. Locke smiled to himself; maybe that was what Jack had needed all along. Too bad Kate hadn't been a little more accomodating; it could have saved them all a lot of trouble.

"What was it, Locke?" Jack was actually smiling for God's sake.

Chuckling to himself, Locke said, "An oil tanker, I think. The scan was negative, though I don't know what that means."

As he said it the button alarm went off and Jack's eyes went to the counter ticking above the bank of TVs; at 3:23 it went off and reset to 108. Jack glanced at Locke. "You sure it's our hatch doing that?"

Locke shrugged. "Not one hundred percent, but I would be willing to wager a pretty hefty amount on it. The last cycle it reset at 2:44, and the one before that, 3:14. That's not automated."

"I wasn't talking about automation, Locke."

Smiling, Locke said, "I know. _Could_ there be another countdown computer somewhere else, with someone else entering numbers and hitting a button every one hundred and eight minutes? Sure, I suppose there could be, but what are the odds on that?"

Jack laughed humorlessly. "On this island, John?" He shook his head. "You're the expert on this place, you tell me the odds."

Locke smiled. "I'd say they're pretty damn long, Jack." He paused, then looked Jack in the eyes. "Why is it so hard for you to believe in the island?"

Jack's good mood was gone in a flash. Ana came into the doorway but he didn't see her; she watched the two of them silently. "Because it's crazy, John. It's just land and water; it can't _fix_ me or make it all better."

Locke stared at him for a second. "How do you know that? How can you be sure?"

Jack flared. "Because it is impossible."

Sighing, Locke rubbed his eyes, then shifted his feet, moving closer to Jack and speaking low, but not so low that Ana-Lucia couldn't hear him; he wanted her to hear him and he thought maybe she really wanted to anyway. "I was named after two men, you know. John _Calvin_ Locke. John Locke was a 17th Century English Philosopher, who believed that the mind is blank when we are born, we are a clean slate, a _tabula rasa_; through our five senses we fill that slate and reflection upon it allows us to develop such ideas as space and time. He was also a man of science." He smiled at Jack, who was looking pissed- but listening. "I was also named after John Calvin. A man of faith." Locke smiled. "He was a 16th Century French Protestant who was persecuted and driven from country to country because of his belief that faith alone was not enough; he also published the Doctrine of Predestination. Fate, Jack." Looking Jack in the eyes, holding them, he continued, "It's impossible, Jack? What do you know of what is possible on this Earth? You are not a God; you are not omnipotent. You don't _know_ everything." He closed his eyes, and quoted, " 'There is no worse screen to block out the spirit than confidence in our own intelligence.'" Smiling into Jack's eyes, he said, "John Calvin. A man of faith."

His eyes flaring, Jack said, "What did the Island do for you, John? If you want me to believe so badly, then tell me why you have so much faith in it." His jaw working with fury he spat, "Tell me what was worth Boone's life."

Locke smiled sadly. "Nothing was worth that, Jack. It was an...accident."

"Yeah, so you've said. But what did you _get_, John?" He snarled. "And I want a real answer, not a riddle."

Staring at Locke with curiosity, Ana smiled; she knew the answer but she wasn't going to give up Locke's secret. She needed him. And, anyway, she was kind of on his side because she wanted to _believe_ in the island; she wanted to be able to get back what she lost.

Still holding Jack's eyes, Locke decided it was time; the door to Jack's mind was open just a crack and if he could slip his foot in maybe he could open his mind to the possibilities of this place. He needed help to save the Island, and he thought he already had Ana on his side; it would be easier to keep her if he had Jack too. He smiled. "Okay, Jack. I'll tell you." He took a deep breath and glanced at Ana; Jack followed his gaze and saw her there, lounging against the doorframe. His heart skipped a beat and he smiled slightly at her before turning his attention back to Locke.

John took a deep breath. "Do you remember seeing me on the plane, as you were boarding?"

Jack shook his head. "No."

"I was sitting behind Rose; you smiled at me when you were putting your bag in the overhead compartment." He smiled and took a leap of faith. "If I had been in my wheelchair you probably would have remembered. That always drew a lot of attention."

Jack's jaw dropped. "What?"

"I was paralyzed from the waist down when we boarded. When we crashed I was...whole." Smiling, he patted his legs. "Good as new."

Jack was, for lack of a better word, freaked out. "I don't believe you."

Locke laughed, shaking his head. "Of course you don't, Jack. You never do. You never believe anything _you_ can't fix." He jerked his head towards Ana. "Ask her. She saw me at the airport."

Jack turned his astonished eyes on Ana and she nodded, walking to him and touching his arm. "Yeah, Jack. I saw them carry him on board. That's his chair at the beach."

Glaring at her, Jack said, "You didn't ask the Island, John. If you woke up on the beach being able to walk then it wasn't this place that did it."

Ana spoke up, her hand still resting on Jack's arm. "Then what, Jack?"

He shrugged angrily, knocking her hand from him. "The impact of the crash could have jarred something, there are documented cases of people who suffer major traumas-"

"Jack!" Ana spat, cutting him off. "After everything that has happened on this island, are you really gonna tell me that Locke's paralysis is gone because he was in a _plane crash_?

Spinning on her irately Jack said, "Do you believe this stuff? He's crazy, Ana."

She shook her head. "No, Jack, he isn't. He had a miracle happen to him; he wants to share that with you. With us. He was _fixed_. Don't you want to be?" She leaned close. "Because I do." She looked into his eyes, begging him to think. "What have I got to lose? What have you?"

Jack sneered at her. "What about the sacrifice you have to make, huh? What will you be willing to do to get what you want?" Jerking his head at Locke, he snapped, "He killed one of us; he made a human sacrifice."

Fury blazed up as Ana retorted, "I killed one of you too, Jack. Maybe I already made mine."

He shook his head at her, eyes flashing crazily. "I thought better of you, Ana, than to put stock in some crazy asshle spouting a bunch of gibberish at you. Aren't cops supposed to have more sense than that?"

"Fck you, Jack." She spun on her heel and stalked to the door, pausing to look back at Locke. "I'll talk to you later, JC." She left without giving Jack a glance.

Jack watched her go, then turned his blazing eyes on John, who was smiling triumphantly. "You are _nuts_. There is no such thing as fate and miracles don't happen." He stalked to the door, then turned. "If you hurt Ana with this sht I will kill you."

He left and Locke stared after him shaking his head and smiling. One down and one to go.

------

Kate and Sawyer strolled arm in arm into the surveillance room, finding Locke flipping idly through the diagrams Michael had given him. There was a chamber labeled with tessering or something like it; he was looking over the picture, trying to make sense of it.

"Hey, Kojak, where is everyone?"

Locke looked up at them and smiled. "You two were gone a long time."

Kate grinned. "We checked out that room with the security lock."

Sawyer grinned too. "Yeah. It was that Hansolo's bedroom. Aquarius Suite."

Kate rolled her eyes at him, laughing. "Hanso, you idiot." She glanced over at Locke. You should check it out- it's really beautiful."

He grinned. "I'll do that." He looked back down at the diagrams. "To answer your question, Eko is above ground with Vincent. He thought he might be lonely, and since there is really no way to get him down here..." He shrugged, as Sawyer looked a little sad; he'd barely even thought about Vincent since coming to the hatch. Well, he thought wickedly, my mind was pretty much occupied. Vincent would forgive him. "I don't know where Jack and Ana are." Kate and Sawyer exchanged disgusted glances. They had a good idea. "They were arguing."

Kate looked around at the room, trying to block out the images. Ugh. "What is this place?"

"Surveillance room. Watches the ocean for incoming ships, scans them for something then one of three things happens: the 'tesseract' shuts down with an option to override, it activates, or, in the case of a military ship, it deactivates completely. No option."

Sawyer gazed at him. "A tesseract?" He laughed. "No way. _No way_."

Kate was eyeing him suspiciously. "What?"

Sawyer shook his head. "A _tesseract_ is in that book you were reading on the beach the other day. _A Wrinkle in Time_?" Looking insulted at her skeptical gaze, he snapped, "I read the book, Freckles. More than once. I didn't have much else to do."

John remembered; he had read the book in grade school but he certainly didn't remember what it was about. Looking eagerly at Sawyer, he said, "So what is it?"

Sawyer shook his head. "In the book, these kids go lookin' for their dad, 'cause he's been gone a long time and the town is talkin' about him ditchin' their mom for some bimbo or somethin'." Pausing, he glanced at Kate, who was smiling at him with sweet amazement. "These things, I don't know what they were, come to help the kids because there is a dark force takin' over the universe and their dad is the one that can stop it. So these beings, they take the kids through a tesseract and it takes them to another planet."

John nodded. "Of course...Sawyer, do you have that book with you?"

Looking dubiously at Locke he nodded. "Yeah." He didn't elaborate.

Locke laughed. "Can I borrow it?"

Tigers don't change their stripes. He didn't want to give somethin' for nothin'. Grinning, he drawled, "Well, that depends, Hoss. Reading material is scarce on this rock and I gotta have something to occupy my time."

Locke sighed and grinned as Kate rolled her eyes. "Just give him the book, Sawyer."

Sighing, Sawyer pulled open his pack and rummaged around until he found the book; he held it out reluctantly and when Locke grabbed at it he pulled it back, holding it hostage with a sly look in his eye. "What were Ana and Jack fightin' about?"

Kate grabbed the book from him and handed it to Locke with disgust. "Jesus, Sawyer."

Saywer rolled his eyes. "Come on, Sweetheart, like you didn't wanna know."

"I didn't." Sighing with exasperation she glanced at Locke. "I guess we're gonna go see Eko and Vincent." She paused. "Where are we going from here?"

Locke shrigged. "I dunno, we found another map with a couple more hatches," Kate and Sawyer both groaned; Locke smiled and continued, "When everyone comes back in here we'll talk about it."

She nodded, and taking Sawyer's hand they headed for the door. "You did want to know, Freckles. You don't have to hide it."

"No, Sawyer, if I wanted to know I wouldn't have taken the book."

"I know, 'cause you don't want anyone to know that you want to know, you know?"

"Shut up, Sawyer!" Their laughter faded down the hall, leaving Locke alone again.


	58. Chapter 58

**Chapter 58**  
Eko was waiting for them when they finally emerged, breathless from climbing the ladder. He helped Kate out first, then offered Sawyer his hand as Vincent ran to Kate, woofing happily and jumping around in circles. Smiling, Sawyer took Eko's arm and helped to heave himself out of the hatch.

Vincent lost his doggy marbles as Sawyer straightened and he bounced around madly, barking and licking him joyously. Sawyer grinned and held him off, "I know, Rover, I know. I'm glad to see you too. Stop!" Vincent had put his paws on Sawyer's chest and was licking him happily in the face. Spluttering in disgust as Vincent landed a big wet one on his mouth, Sawyer pushed him off. "Get down! You just slipped me some tongue, Fido. Knock it off." Vincent came to a panting halt, grinning at Sawyer and he woofed; Sawyer wrinkled up his face in revulsion. "No, I didn't _like_ it. You know, maybe I didn't miss you so much after all." He turned to Kate, wiping his mouth with the bottom of his shirt. "Damn, that dog is nasty."

Kate was laughing and as he tried to kiss her she turned her face away. "No way. Not until we find some mouthwash."

Sawyer glared at Vincent, who had rolled over on his back and was wriggling happily in the little bit of grass that was growing on the jungle floor. "You better hope I find some soon, Fido," he said, taking Kate's hand, "Or you're gonna be in a world of trouble."

Eko smiled as Kate turned to him. "Hey. Did you sleep out here last night?"

"Yes, Vincent and I went out to the beach and slept beneath the stars. It was very nice." He didn't miss the exchanged grins and he nodded. "I take it you slept well?"

Kate didn't tear her eyes from Sawyer as she answered, "Yeah, we slept great."

Vincent woofed wickedly and wriggled his back on the ground; rolling his eyes Sawyer said, "Yes, we did get _some_ sleep. And what the hell business is it of yours anyway?" He shook his head, glancing away from Kate to Eko. "Is there a way to turn him off?"

Just smiling, Eko motioned to him. "Come, James, I have one more thing to show you. But not here, we should go to the beach. So, are you ready?"

Hell yes, he was ready. He was ready to move on, to become the person he could be; he was ready to be done with this so he could be with her. "Let's go."

They moved into the trees; the beach wasn't far and kissing Sawyer quickly Kate sped up a little and fell into step with Eko. "I've been thinking," she said, feeling Sawyer's eyes on her back, "and I just don't see any way around it. It's a catch-22; Sawyer needs to kill Frank to be whole but if he does it it will destroy him." Glancing back at him she caught him staring at her ass; she shook her head, smiling, then turned back to Eko. "What do we do about that?"

She was sharp; he beamed at her slightly. "Katherine, I never said he couldn't kill him. He cannot do so for his own selfish reasons. There is a difference." He winked at her, confidentially. "I would not tell him that, though. Not yet."

Nodding, Kate smiled. "No, I won't." She heard Sawyer whistle apreciatively behind her, and she glanced back to see both he and Vincent smiling at her.

Flashing a grin at Vincent, Sawyer came up to Kate, leaning seductively into her as he whispered, "Do you wash your pants in windex, sweetheart? 'Cause I can see myself in them."

Kate shoved him away, rolling her eyes. "That was lame, Sawyer. I thought you, of all people, would have a better pick up line than that."

Vincent woofed angrily, insulted. "That was _his_, Freckles. We were comparin' notes. You wanna hear one of mine?"

Laughing, she shook her head. "I don't think so."

He grinned at her, then put his arm over her shoulder as they walked; the beach was just visible through the trees. "Now, Freckles, the pick-up line is a lost art form. And it just so happens that I got myself quite a collection."

Kate rolled her eyes, grinning. "I'll bet you do."

"Sure. Now there are different categories too; first there is your 'straight to the point' line, if you are pressed for time and you don't want to waste any with formalities. So I'd come to you and say, 'They say you are what you eat. Well, baby, I could be you by morning'."

He paused as Kate laughed, rolling her eyes. "Yeah. _That_ would work on me."

Sqeezing her shoulder a little he said, "Well, I wouldn't have used that one on you, sweetheart. Don't worry, yours is coming up. The next category is innuendo," he grinned wickedly at her, "my specialty. So I would say, 'That shirt is becoming on you." He smiled into Kate's eyes and she could suddenly see why the lines worked for him; his eyes were blazing and he was so confident that they just seemed to _work_. "If I was on you I'd be coming too."

Kate burst out laughing, and she could see Eko smile a little. "Did that ever actually work on anybody?"

Eyes shining, he gazed at her, he loved to see her so happy, laughing and smiling; he soaked it in, saving it for the dark times that lay ahead. "You'd honestly be surprised, Freckles." He kissed her on the forehead and said, "Category three- cheesy. I don't use these too much myself. I guess one of the better ones is, 'Do you have a map? 'Cause I'm lost in your eyes'." Kate groaned. "Yeah, I know. Cheesy." Her arm snaked around his back, wrapping itself around his waist; she was having fun picturing him using the silly lines and she suddenly wanted to hold him closer as irrational stabs of jealousy pricked at her. "Now, some purists consider cheesy to be the same as lame, but I think there are a few fine distinctions. Here is an example of lame." He looked deeply into her eyes and said, " 'Baby, I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your Bed rock.'"

Kate laughed and groaned at the same time and Sawyer suddenly bent to her, kissing her softly. "Hey," she whispered, "you haven't used the right line, yet, Tex."

He smiled against her and said. "Right. It just so happens that I was saving yours for last. 'Flattery'."

Kate grinned. "Flattery will get you nowhere."

"We'll see." He pulled her close, pressing his body to hers; eyes shining, he leaned into her ear and growled, " 'I know milk does a body good, but _damn_, baby, how much have you been drinking?' "

The line was horrible but she didn't care, his breath in her ear and his thrumming body drove her mad; she kissed him, passionately, her hands sliding into his hair and his arms encircling her, slipping beneath her shirt to feel her skin tingling against him.

Vincent barked at them, jumping against Sawyer's legs. "Dammit, dog! Would you stop that?" He pulled away from Kate, glaring angrily. "Are you jealous or somethin'?"

Vincent woofed at him with disdain, then ran to catch up to Eko, who was stepping out onto the beach. Kate sighed and turned to follow them; Sawyer grabbed her arm, pulling her back against his chest. He stared at her for a second, then kissed her, softly, deeply, before finally letting her go. He bent over and whispered to her, "I told you the line would work. It's all in the delivery, baby." Kissing her neck softly, he murmured the words. "Love you, Freckles."

She smiled. "I bet that line works better than any of 'em."

He nipped at her, making her jump. "That ain't a line, darlin'. That's the honest-to-God truth." He pulled away from, her, grinning cockily. "But I'll run some more by you later, if you want."

Rolling her eyes at him again she kissed him swiftly, the turned to follow Eko to the beach. "I may have to pass on that, Cowboy, as good as it sounds."

"Didn't you ever use a pick-up line?" He leered softly at her and she smiled at his expression. He growled throatily, "You never saw a guy in a bar or somethin', thought he was cute, maybe good for a romp or two? You never went up to him and said somethin' to get his attention, make him laugh?" His fingers ran down her cheek and her breath caught in her throat. "You never did that, Kate?" His eyes were glowing as he whispered. "I know you got one. Let me hear it."

She was curiously aroused by his demand and she nodded. "Okay," she said, a little shakily. "Ready?" She took a deep breath, and stuck her hand out to him. "Hi. I'm Kate."

Sawyer laughed aloud, dropping his hand and hugging her tight. "Yeah, Freckles, I imagine that would have worked for you."

She took his hand, pulling him. "Come on, Eko's waiting and I'm kind of curious to find out what new power you're going to have today."

Sawyer laughed. "Hopin' it'll benefit you?" He gave in to her tugging and followed her out into the sand.

She glanced slyly back at him. "Maybe."

Eko was waiting for them beside a large stone; he held two smaller ones in his hands. Sighing deeply, he said, "James, you did wonderfully against the Others, but now they will be coming at you harder and with more venom, more temptation. The battle is joined, James, and this is just a pause between blows. You are ready to be introduced to your second most important power." He held up one of the stones and said, "We are all made of the same things, James, the Earth, the Sea, the wind, the stars. The universe. This stone is the same as you. It is an extension of you." He hesitated, looking at them, "Control it, James."

Sawyer's eyes flew to him. "What?"

"Control it. Tell it what to do."

Sawyer looked a little scared and incredulous. "It's a rock, Ed. How can I control it?"

Eko sighed. "Do not resist, James. Let yourself believe." He handed Sawyer the stone, pressing it into his hand, hard. "Feel it. It is the same as you. You are made of the same electrons and neutrons and protons; you are both made of the stuff of the cosmos. Can you feel it, James?"

The rock melded to his hand; he opened his palm flat, the rock sitting in the center of it. "Yeah," he said, and the rock wiggled a little in his hand, rising gently from his palm before dropping again. The stone was an extension of him; he controlled it like he would a muscle. A very weak muscle, at the moment, as the rock flapped ineffectually in his hand.

Kate's eyes were wide, but she put her hand on his arm, encouragingly; she could feel the power coursing through him and it made her shiver a little. "Wow."

Sawyer grinned down at her hand and the rock rose a few inches and held steady. Eko was smiling; he said, "James, command it."

Sawyer took his eyes from Kate and concentrated on the stone; it started to spin in circles, hovering over his hand and he glanced up at her, grinning sheepishly. She smiled back in amazement and the other stone in Eko's hand zipped from his grasp and joined the spinning stone; they began to spin and weave together in an intricate dance; Kate was captivated by it and she loved him, loved him so much she couldn't begin to fathom it.

The rocks waltzed together for a few more seconds, then Sawyer turned his hand to the ocean and they zipped out into the sea, skipping along the waves. He glanced at Kate; she was staring at him with love and awe.

Eko grinned. "Very good, James. Now try this one." He pointed to the large stone next to him. It was the size of a great dane.

Sawyer looked a little dubious. "That's kinda big, Ed, don'tcha think?"

"Size means nothing at the molecular level, James. Become one with the stone."

Sawyer sighed. "I'll try."

Eko shook his head, sadly. "No, James. Do, or do not, there is no try. The time for that has passed."

Kate rubbed his arm and he smiled. Concentrating on the stone, he imagined it, he became it; he was rock and earth and eons of time compressed into a tiny fragmant of the universe. He was time and age. The boulder rose, slowly, and it wavered a little, but he felt Kate touching him and it became more confident, holding steady at his eye level.

As Kate watched in astonished pride, the stone began to turn ponderous flips; they became faster and finally the boulder spun out into the ocean, plopping into the water with a thunking splash.

They were all quiet for a few seconds. Finally Vincent woofed, an awestruck look in his brown eyes, and Sawyer looked down at him, smiling. "Thanks, Vincent."

"Practice, Sawyer. The time will come when this skill will be most important. But do not let anyone else see; this is best kept secret."

Sawyer nodded. "I guess we'll stay here for a while, then. Okay with you, Freckles?" She nodded.

Eko smiled, clapping Sawyer on the shoulder. "Great idea. I will go back to the hatch; I believe we need to discuss our next move." He yurned suddenly serious. "Do not trust Locke. He has chosen his side and it is not ours."

Kate and Sawyer looked at each other, and Sawyer said, "You may want to get back the book I loaned him, then."

Eko sighed. It was always something. "Book?"

Sawyer grimaced. "Yeah, he was talkin' about that tesseract stuff, and I recognized it from a book; he asked to borrow it and I gave it to him."

Eko turned towards the jungle, sighing wearily. "I will see what I can do." Pausing, he stared herd at Sawyer. "Practice, James. You are a part of the universe, nature; if you try you can control it." He diappeareed through the trees, Vincent trailing him.

Sawyer shook his head. "What the hell, Freckles?" he said, looking at his hands. She took them, sliding her palms against his until she was pressed against him.

Suddenly she found herself suspended in the air, Sawyer laughing at her as she flailed around. "Put me down, Sawyer!"

He grinned cockily at her, kissing her upside-down face. "Ed said I needed to practice, sweetheart, and I don't see anymore rocks."

She laughed, panting as she struggled. "At least turn me right-side up, Tex. My blood is all going to my head."

He lowered her, still upside down and grinned at her wickedly. "Yeah, Freckles, mine too."


	59. Chapter 59

**Chapter 59**

Ana waited, hidden in the shadows until Jack passed her, stomping off into the jungle. He was probably looking for her, but she didn't care; she needed to talk to Locke alone, and this was most likely going to be her best chance.

After being told that she had lost her baby she had cried, but when they said that she could never have children she was silent, eyes dry. She was dead. All she had ever wanted was a family, Danny, too; she had planned on telling him that she was pregnant the night she was shot, and instead he learned from a cool, detatched doctor that not only had she been holding the truth from him but also that she could never have a baby. That was why they had split; he wanted what she couldn't give.

Children, relationship, almost her career; everything was lost, and she had no one but herself to blame for being stupid. And Jason. She could blame him, she did blame him, it eased her own guilty heart; the need to avenge her life consumed her until she found and killed him.

But it didn't ease her. She felt like she was fading; her life was ebbing away from her and she was powerless to stop it, powerless to help herself. She became invisible; she didn't exist, she was dead. She was just going through the motions waiting for resurrection; she even tried going to Australia to jar some life into herself but it didn't work. She was just as much a corpse there; a dead woman walking.

Then she was in the airport, waiting to board and this man was yelling agitatedly at the ticket agent, about burying his father; he turned back to look at the line and he caught her eyes but flicked over them quickly and she froze as she saw into them. They were full of guilt and sorrow, so much so that her own was forgotten as she wondered why he looked so...forlorn.

She felt life stir in her for the first time in a long, long time. She trailed the man to the bar, watching him; she was _interested_ in something and she stopped fading for just a few minutes, long enough to flirt and get a promise of a second drink before her damn phone rang. Jack. She had thought about him a lot, after the crash, regretting that she hadn't turned her phone off and sat with him until the plane took off, and maybe after that too. At least he would have been on the tail section with me instead of in the fuselage, falling for Kate, she thought.

She made sure Jack was gone before she came out of the trees and climbed back down the ladder. The hallway was long and she ran it, her footfalls echoing eerily through the tunnel; bursting through the door breathless, she made her way into the surveillance room, finding Locke tilted back in the chair, eyes closed.

She stood uncertainly; she didn't want to wake him up but she needed the answers. She hesitated a moment more, then Locke cracked his eyes and said, "Are you going to say something, Ana-Lucia, or are you just going to stand there waiting for me to wake up?"

She grinned a little and Locke tilted his chair back down so his feet were on the floor. "Sorry. I didn't want to wake you up."

Locke grinned, yawning a little. "Yes, you did, Ana. If you didn't, why were you still standing there?" She smiled, a little nervous about how to start and John stood, stretching; dozing in the chair was uncomfortable but he didn't want to leave the room in case something else happened. He looked Ana steadily. "You have a question?" Nodding, he said, "You want to know how to get what you want from the Island?"

She nodded, relieved and not too surprised he already knew why she was there. "Yeah. There is something that I want."

Triumph shone briefly in his eyes. "Okay, Ana-Lucia." He paused, gathering his thoughts. "First of all you have to believe. Faith is an important part of the Island's power; without it you cannot get what you want." Leaning close, he stared into her eyes and said in a hushed voice, "Do you have faith, Ana?"

She did. "Yes."

"Good. Now, whatever it is that you want, whatever you desire, is it in your mind all of the time? In your heart?" She nodded, almost afraid to speak. "The time will come when the Island will ask a...favor...of you.' Rubbing his forehead he hesitated, then said, "It helps us because It needs help; you were brought here for a reason, just like I, Jack, Kate, Sawyer, all of us were. Only not all of us choose to accept the gift that is offered; the Island needs something from you but it offers something in return. _Quid pro quo_."

"Okay. But how do I know what the ...favor is?"

Locke smiled. "You will know." He hesitated. "Ana, I don't know if our wishes extend beyond the walls of this Island, do you understand? If we leave, or if something happens to the Island, whatever gifts we have been given may cease to be. The Island _must_ be protected. That is why we are here. You and I."

Ana nodded, a little disappointed. For some reason she expected instant gratification, for her wish to be granted immediately. "What do I do, John?"

Locke shrugged. "Nothing for now. But the time is coming, Ana. Prepare yourself."

"Prepare myself for what?" She was suddenly a little scared.

"Battle, Ana." He looked at her, warning in his eyes. "It's coming."

------

He was the world and it was him; his physical being was just a body that carried him, his soul expanded to encompass the universe. It was talking to him, telling him the answers to the questions of the ages and he could see eons stretching before him and behind him; the future was loose and shifting but the past was solid and tangible and he could reach into it and pull out what he wanted, touch it, hold it- but not change it.

Space and Time and Earth and Sky flowed through him and he directed them with his thoughts, being them. Being Kate. He was a part of her, too, he filled her with himself and she blended with him seamlessly as they became the same person; a perfect circle, no ending and no beginning.

He felt older, so much older. Ancient. He was no longer _of_ the Earth and Time, he _was_ them and if he bade them to the stars would fall from the sky and drown themselves in the ocean. He could part the sea, if he wanted; he could command the birds in the trees to carry them back to the real world on their backs if it was his desire.

But he didn't want any of that; he only wanted Kate and he had her. She was his. Everything else fell by the wayside; he didn't want to be anywhere else or anything else.

He held her hand as they walked back to the hatch; it was late afternoon and he wanted to get her back into the Aquarium before anyone spotted them. The thought of it made him shiver with pleasure and he clenched Kate's hand hard.

She could feel him, too, he was inside of her, a _part_ of her; they were almost whole, almost that one person except for the little inch of him that someone else still owned. The one hole in their defenses and she didn't know how to close it; the letter still burned in her pocket, and Sawyer hadn't asked for it. Which was good _or_ bad, she wasn't sure.

She was amazed by him, though, and not just because of his 'powers', though those were pretty awesome too; she was amazed by _him_, the man he was becoming before her eyes. She could almost see the transformation happening as he shed his Sawyer skin and prepared to be the real him; it was almost off, just clinging by one little shred of muscle and she wanted to rip it away and be done but she knew she wouldn't be able to stop the bleeding if she did. That scar had to heal before the skin could be left behind.

She was scared for him; she had a bad feeling about what was coming and she wondered what else the Island could throw at them. At him. What other temptations could thay put in his path?

"Whatcha thinkin' about, Freckles?" His hand had loosened and he reached up, pushing a long strand of hair from her eyes as she grinned at him.

"I thought you could read my mind, Tex."

He smiled back, cutting his eyes away. "I can if I want to but I always feel kinda like a peepin' Tom."

"Always?" She put her hands on her hips in mock anger. "You've been looking?"

He chuckled. "I couldn't resist. I wanted to see what you thought about me." He shrugged. "I'm insecure, baby."

Kate snorted. "Insecure? _How_ much crap did you give Charlie about reading Claire's diary?"

Sheepishly he turned back to her. "Alright, alright. I didn't like it anyway, Freckles. Made me feel guilty."

"Good." She kissed him, softly, and they paused in the jungle, leaning together as the birds chittered madly in the trees; his lips curled into a smile against hers and she chuckled. "What, Tex? What are they saying?"

"They're saying I'm a lucky man, Freckles."

She laughed against him, vibrating his lips and tongue; it traveled through him to his toes. "Why, because you found a woman who'll put up with your crap?"

He laughed back, sending vibrations coursing through her. "Nah. It's 'cause I'm bangin' the hottest chick on the Island."

She shoved him away, looking playfully disgusted and he grabbed her waist, tickling her in his favorite spot; the one right below her ribs, every time he touched her there it made her squeal. She didn't disppoint him this time; she squee'd and jumped away from his fingers but he caught her against him, kissing her with passion as she melted into his body.

His tongue touched hers gently as she put her hand behind his neck, pressing him harder into her and he responded; they were so close, _so close_.

Vincent barked in the distance and Sawyer groaned, rolling his eyes and he broke away from Kate. "That dog must have some kind of radar or somethin', " he said, and Kate laughed, leaning her head against him. Looking down at her head nestled against his chest he was suddenly terrified; this wasn't going to last. They would not ever find this peace and happiness again; this was _it_. He gripped her to him, his hands spasming on her and she looked up, concerned. "Kate," he whispered, not trying to hide his fear; why should he hide anything from her? He didn't know what he wanted to say; he was going to lose her, he knew it and it chilled him to his bones.

His expression terrified her. Gazing into his eyes, she laid her hand on his arm and said, "What is it, James?"

His throat worked as he tried to speak but he couldn't get the words past the lump that had risen in his throat. He buried his head in her shoulder, kissing her neck and clutching her as close as he could; Kate's arms went around him, trying to soothe him though she didn't know what was wrong. But she was scared; his change was so sudden. What had happened?

He finally managed to choke out something, though it wasn't what he wanted to say. "Kate, don't leave me, please. Don't...I can't live without you."

What? She held him, stroking his back and hair. "I'm not going anywhere, Tex. Why would you even say that?" She kissed his forehead, cradling him to her. "I'm never leaving you, James. Never."

He sighed, his breath raising goosebumps on her neck. The certainty he had felt was fading, he almost felt silly at his reaction. It was just a feeling; he had blown it all out of proportion and it was because it had to do with Kate. That was dangerous; she gave him his power but she also controlled it because she controlled him. "I don't know. I just had this bad feelin' all of a sudden. It was so real, Kate, I just _knew_ that we'd never be happy again, that we would never be together."

She sighed as he relaxed a little, and she smiled. "It was just a feeling, Sawyer. I am never going to be anywhere else but with you. Okay?"

He smiled slightly, the bad feeing still lurking behind his mind. "Yeah, I know. It was just...just weird." He hugged her again, savoring and saving the feel of her, the scent, the sweat, the sexy swell of her chest pressed into him. He didn't want to move; if they stayed right where they were they were safe.

Vincent came bounding down the path to them, his tongue lolling out happily. He woofed a couple of times, then bounced against Kate, licking her cheek before scooting off through the trees.

Sawyer sighed and pulled himself from Kate reluctantly; it was almost physical pain, like tearing when he did. He took her hand, glancing after Vincent. "We've been summoned by King Jackass, my lady." He smiled wryly. "Apparently Doc believes enough to send the dog for us. So much for convictions, eh?"

She smiled and sighed, allowing him to pull her towards the hatch; stopping suddenly she said, "Sawyer?"

He had already stopped at the tug of her hand. "Yeah, Kate?" he said, softly. She was standing in a ray of sunshine and it created a glowing halo around her; she looked like an angel.

"When you were...looking...you know...," she fidgeted, a little nervous. "Did you see...um..." He face was red and Sawyer grinned rougishly.

He went to her, sweeping her into his arms. "Oh, yeah, Freckles," he growled into her ear. "I saw that. Made me feel a little..._unnecessary_." He could feel the heat radiating from her skin as she flushed deep crimson. "Don't worry," he laughed against her, feeling her relax a little. "My lips are sealed. It'll be just between you and me." he paused. "And Vincent."

She laughed, still pulsing heat. "I hate you, Sawyer," she said, but he knew it was a lie even before her lips found his.


	60. Chapter 60

**Chapter 60**

They all gathered in the surveillance room, where Locke had the new map laid out on a small table.

The tension was palpable; Jack and Ana stayed as far away from each other as possible without it seeming obvious; it did anyway, and Kate and Sawyer exchanged evil grins as they all looked over the map.

"Before we make a decision on the map," Locke said, scratching his head, "I would like to say that I think someone else has arrived on the island."

They all stared at him, dumbfounded. "What?" Jack didn't look at Locke; Ana was standing next to him and he didn't want to see her. She'd chosen her side and it wasn't his.

"I told you, Jack, about the fishing boat that disappeared in the cloud. Well, I think I know what happened." He held up _A Wrinkle in Time_ and said, "Here is the answer."

Jack laughed derisively. "Getting your answers from grade school fantasies now, Locke?"

Locke glanced down at the book and said, "Well, yes, Jack. See, any grade schooler can tell you that the shortest distance between two points is a straight line, right?"

Nodding impatiently, Jack said, "Yeah, Basic geometry. So?"

"So, what if it isn't? What if there is a _wrinkle_ in the fabric of space that shortens the distance allowing someone to step across the boundary into another world?"

Sawyer was nodding sagely, smirking at Jack. He could tell Jack was confused because he was getting pissed; he said, "Here, let me explain it to ya, Doc." Kate smiled as he picked up a piece of paper from a nearby table; she knew he had to be enjoying this. Holding the paper between his hands, he said, "This is a straight line, and you are walking on the edge of it, on your way to, oh, let's say, your favorite strip club. It's a pretty long walk and you sure do wanna get there, 'cause it's Naughty Nurse Night." He could hear Kate giggling silently beside him; Ana was smirking at Jack, too. Eyeing Ana he said, "Curvy Copettes are Wedneday nights." She glared at him and he sneered back at her before continuing. "Well, maybe I can help you out, Boss. If you bend the paper in, like this," he demonstrated, folding the paper so that it creased in the middle making a kind of loopy U, the edges meeting over the wrinkle, "Now your walk is nothing, it's just a step across the street to the pleasure palace." He glanced around as Kate chuckled; everyone was staring at him. "What? I _read_ the damn book, people."

Smiling, Locke shook his head. "Interesting example, Sawyer." He noticed with some amusement that Jack was fuming at Sawyer, though he didn't seem to care. "Yes, that was pretty accurate. A wrinkle in time allows someone to cross over." He paused, "What if that is what's happening here?"

Jack laughed crazily, sparing Sawyer his glaring attention. "So we're on another planet?"

Fine distinctions were not Jack's style; Locke sighed and said, "Not exactly, Jack. We may be in another world; one that is similiar to ours but on a different plane of reality. An alternate Earth, I guess you could say."

"Oh really, John?" Hostility was radiating from Jack in waves. "And just how did we get to this 'alternate universe'?"

"Through a door. A portal."

"Right. A portal." Sarcasm dripped from his tongue. "So we all came in through this wrinkle in space and time that allowed us to go through a magical portal into an alternate universe Earth?"

Locke laughed. "Well, it sounds crazy when _you_ say it."

Kate thought she might have an inkling about the portal, the _door_; she kept it to herself, though, Locke wasn't on their side. And apparently, from the way she was standing close to Locke, Ana wasn't either. "So, where is the portal?"

Locke hesitated. "I think a better question would be _what_ is the portal." He thumped the book idly in his hands as he looked around; everyone but Jack looked thoughtful; Jack just looked irritated. "Do you know Umberto Eco?"

Everyone's eyes shifted to Eko, wondering who the hell Umberto was, was he the new arrival? "Eko?"

Locke laughed. "No, no. Umberto Eco, E-C-O. The writer. _The Name of the Rose_? _The Island of the Day Before_?" He shook his head. "Does anyone here read besides Sawyer? They're called books, people. Open one." He ignored everyone's glares as Sawyer gloated at them. "_The Island of the Day Before_ is the story of Roberto, who is shipwrecked somewhere in the Southern Hemisphere, which in the seventeenth century was largely unexplored and almost completely uncharted. He drifts on a piece of flotsam until he comes up to another ship which is anchored off of a beautiful tropical island; the ship is the _Daphne_ and when Roberto boards it he realizes that it is deserted; the crew is gone. He is in dire straits then, because he cannot swim and the crew has taken the boat, and so he paces the decks looking for a way onto the island, _asking_ for a way onto the island." Pausing to catch his breath, he noticed he had everyone's attention, even Jack, who was trying to look like he wasn't interested. "See,the woman he lovedwas on the ship with him also, and he believes that she has been tossed up on the island. He is afraid she is dead." Kate had moved closer to Sawyer almost without thinking; he hugged her close at Locke's words. "But the Island is special; it lies on the 180th meridian, the arbitrary line that divides the Earth into today and yesterday. The island is split in half; half lies in today, but half remains in today's shadow. Roberto thinks if he can just make it to the Island he can find his love and carry her across the Island from today into the past to bring her back to life." He paused, his eyes glowing as he said, almost in a whisper, "So, what if someone on that fishing boat was _asking_ for a way to get on the island? What if they needed to save someone, save themselves,by going across the line to yesterday? What if they _called_ the portal?" He looked at all of them, meaningfully, "What if that's what _we_ did?"

-----

The question had shaken all of them; by mutually silent consent the subject had been dropped for the moment to give them all time to think. They decided to go to the small red-shaded area since it was closest; after that they could round the northern edge of the mountain ridge and move either to the Eagle hatch or the other red area, the large one.

Sawyer spirited Kate away to the Aquarium before the issue had been decided; he didn't really care where they were going and he wanted to get her away while no one was paying attention.

Locking the door behind him, he smiled at her wickedly; dusk had fallen and the water was a hazy, ethereal gray; the fish were just muted little blurs as they darted from reef to reef. She went to him, breathlessly and they held each other for a minute before he kissed her gently. "Well, Freckles, that was interestin', eh?"

She wasn't sure if he meant the kiss or the conversation; both were a yes, anyway. Nodding and lying her head against his chest she sighed. "Yeah."

Sweeping her legs out from under her he moved to the couch and sat down, still cradling her; seated comfortably he relaxed and they sat together, contented and peaceful. Saywer's bad feeling from earlier was forgotten, almost; it's shadow nagged at him but he pushed it aside, concentrating instead on the feel of her warm body snuggled up to him, her hands caressing him softly over his shirt.

Sawyer finally spoke. "What do you think, Freckles? Did we ask for the Island to crash the plane and bring us here?" He sounded scared and Eko's words came back to her; _Something called to you and you answered, whether you knew it or not_.

"No, Sawyer, that's crazy." It was a reflex, something to say to make him feel better, but she knew it _wasn't_ crazy, not at all.

He agreed. "No, it ain't." His fingers grazed her cheek. "I know what you were headed back to, Freckles, and there is no way in hell you wanted to be going there."

She glanced up at him, smiling. "You know, I've never asked you why you were on the plane." When no answer came she said, "Come on, Sawyer."

He looked a little angry and ashamed. "I was bein' deported."

She couldn't help laughing, though she tried to at least stifle it. "Imagine that."

He smirked back. "I wasn't the one in handcuffs, baby." His eyes gleamed at the idea.

Shrugging in defeat, Kate smiled. He had a point. She beamed at him as he kissed her forehead gently. "Why were you being deported?"

"Bar fight." Kate shook her head against him and he grinned as her hair tickled him a little; he ran his hand through it, pulling it back from her face.

"A bar fight? Come on, Sawyer. It was _Australia_, they don't deport people for a barfight. There's more to it than that." His eyes were burning her with their gaze; she turned her face to him and he grinned at her.

"Sorry to disappoint you, Freckles. I just duked it out with some goverment type, a Minister of Agriculture' or something." She rolled her eyes at him and laughed.

"That makes a little more sense." She flashed him a sarcastic smile and he chuckled. "So, did you _want_ to be going home?"

He thought about it; no, he hadn't wanted to return home but there was nowhere else for him to go. He didn't want to _be_ anywhere, in fact he just didn't want to be. It was different now, of course; he still didn't care where he was- as long as he was with Kate. Because of her he wanted to be; now he wanted so much more than that. "No, I guess not."

Kate was quiet for a minute, sliding her hand across his chest to hug him, she said, "I think it's the Cloud. You know, the portal? Eko said it was a door."

Sawyer considered as he played idly with a strand of her hair. "I don't know, Freckles." He glanced up at her. "Do you want to go home? I mean, back to the real world?"

The urge to get back to the real world had faded along with the likelihood of rescue; if they weren't found then she couldn't be. She didn't have to run anymore, literally or figurativetly and for the first time she could ever remember she didn't want to run away from something, she wanted to run to it. And if they left the Island she would lose that. "Nah. I am home, Tex."

-----


	61. Chapter 61

**Chapter 61**

The night sky was quiet between them as they sat beside the fire, apart from each other. There were no sparks or pulses of energy; their split was complete and the Island knew it; even the stars were dull, as if Eko's lack of faith weakened it.

John was staring at him across the fire; inscrutable as always, he was gazing serenely into the flames, fingering the carved end of his club gently. "Why, Eko?"

He didn't look away from the flames as he answered softly, "Why what, John?"

"Why did you lose faith in the Island?" He paused, waiting for an answer.

Eko didn't speak for a long minute, then, eyes still to the fire he said, slowly, "This place is not good, John. I know you think it is, that it restored you, but it is destroying you instead."

John laughed. "Destroying me? It _made_ me, it created me." His eyes shone a little crazily; they looked red in the firelight. "It owns me; I am its servant."

Eko shook his head, his eyes finally traveling to meet Locke's. "Only for as long as it needs you, John. When your purpose is served you will become someone else's sacrifice so that the Island may continue to protect itself from those like me." He leaned as close as he could before the force between them pushed him away; it was stronger than before and it kept them farther apart. "You may be whole physically, John, but what you did to keep that gift tears you apart inside, destroying the goodness in you. That is what it will do to anyone who accepts the Island's terrible terms. It is a harsh price to pay for a gift of false hope." He eyed Locke sadly. "It's servant? John, you are it's _slave_; it keeps you bound to it with your own desires. Nothing holds more power over you than your own wants."

He struck a nerve, he could tell as Locke looked away. "Some people are willing to take that chance I have a destiny, Eko, that I could never realize in a wheelchair. Anything is worth the chance to fulfill my fate and do what I am supposed to do!" His voice rose in anger at the end.

"It is choice, John, not chance that decides our destiny." Eko's voice was suddenly harsh. "You chose to sacrifice Boone for your own selfish reasons, to realize your destiny, but instead you _influenced_ it, changed it by your choice."

Locke was suddenly serious and he glared at Eko. "Who is it, Eko? Who is the one the Cloud called for?"

Eko shook his head. "Nice try, John. Do you think I would tell you? Tilting at windmills will get you nowhere, John, it is a fruitless endeavour." He smiled slyly, his eyes meeting Locke's. "However, a hint may be in order, not that it will help you. Tilting at windmills brings something to mind, how about Don Quixote? Oh, and the term 'man' is unimportant, gender equality, you know? So, 'One man scorned and covered with scars still strove with his last ounce of courage to reach the unreachable stars; and the world was better for this.'" He smiled at Locke, who was frowning.

"Scorned and covered with scars? Well, I guess that depends on how literal you are being. That's not much of a hint, Eko." He smiled back; he still liked Eko, despite their differences, and he hoped that they would no have to meet in conflict.

"No, it isn't," he said softly. "I think I will go to sleep now. We leave in the morning for the north?"

Locke nodded, climbing to his feet. "Yeah. I gotta say, this place is curious, if nothing else." He hesitated before turning back to Eko. "We are opposite sides, Eko, but in order to survive until the end we have to work together now, do you agree?"

Eko nodded, the dwindling fire reflecting on his sad, pensive face. "Yes, John. I agree." He said it softly, then turned to look Locke in the eyes. "I have everyone's best interests at heart, John. Torturing these people, tormenting them, does not serve a purpose. I hope you can forgive me."

Locke smiled. "I have their best interests at heart, too, Eko. I hope you can forgive me."

"There is no revenge sweeter than forgiveness, John Calvin. And make no mistake, I am a vengeful man; a servant of a vengeful God." A flicker of the old, evil Eko flashed across his face and John smiled at it.

"Indeed." He and Eko faced each other- opposite sides of the same coin. Staring steadily into Eko's flickering eyes he said, "Well, Mister Eko, it's a lot easier to forgive someone after you've gotten even with them."

Eko's eyes flashed again as he nodded thoughtfully; he smiled coolly and said in a very low voice, "Yes. Indeed."

-----

It was almost completely dark in the Aquarium since the moon and stars weren't shining very brightly; Kate and Sawyer lay entwined together under the covers, deeply in shadows; he could barely see the outline of her next to him. It made him feel a little disoriented to be in such darkness, he hated it because it reminded him of his ordeal with the Others, or what he remembered of it; only Kate's body snuggled up to his kept him tethered to the Earth and he was suddenly very, very glad that he was alive, here with her holding his feet firmly on the ground.

His mind was tired and he was close to the edge of sleep; it wandered aimlessly through his memories and thinking of the Others made him think about what had led to the incident in the first place; the plane. She hadn't mentioned it since he had come back and he wondered what it _was_. He murmured the question without thinking, almost in a dream. "What was the plane, Kate?"

Her sleepy brain didn't really process the question. "The plain what?"

Sawyer muttered, "Huh?" He was quiet again, their breathing the only sound and Kate could feel conciousness slipping away when he said, "No. The toy plane. What was it?"

The question didn't bother her and that surprised her out of sleepiness. She didn't get that terrible anvil of guilt on her shoulders and she smiled to herself. "It belonged to someone I loved."

He wasn't sleepy anymore either; she rolled over to face him and they lay quietly for a few minutes enjoying the closeness of each other; Kate's eyes glittered in the weak moonlight and Sawyer touched her cheek gently. "You might as well tell me, Freckles, or I'll just go in and take a look around for myself."

She laughed softly, her breath tickling his chin. "I'm not worried, Tex. There's other things in there that would get your attention long before you got to Tommy."

His arms went around her, pulling her close and he said, "Tell me about him, Kate." He smiled at her hesitation. "You wanna know about me, I wanna know about you. I love you for more than your body, you know."

"But that's number one, right?"

"Well, I got my priorities, Sweetheart." He squeezed her gently. "Come on, Freckles, tell me about him. You loved him, I wanna know what he was like."

"I killed him, Sawyer." She was scared as she said it, even though she knew he wouldn't judge her; she just needed that to be out in the open before she told Sawyer about him.

"No, you didn't, Freckles."

His tone was so sure and confident that she almost allowed herself to believe it. It didn't matter that much, really, she had let go of that ghost when she tossed the plane in the fire and asked for Sawyer to be given back to her alive; her sacrifice had been an easy one and she suddenly wondered if that really had been the sacrifice she was supposed to make; maybe the Island wasn't done with her yet. Maybe it still _owned_ her. The thought made her shiver and she recoiled from Saywer, feeling a little tainted and not wanting to dirty him; he pulled her closer and the worry faded away as she shoook her head at her own gullibility.

I must be really tired, she thought to herself, and she snuggled her head against his chest, her face tilted up to him. "We were childhood sweethearts, all the way fourth grade until we graduated from high school. He went to college and I...didn't." She was quiet for a second, then she said, "He knew me, Sawyer, knew what I had been through and he accepted me anyway, because he loved me." She touched his cheek. "I used to think that you two were as opposite as two people could be, but I don't think you are. I think you're a lot alike."

"What did you do? After you graduated?" Her heart vibrated against his skin making it tingle.

Shrugging, she said, "I just wandered mainly. I always liked to run, Sawyer, even before I had to." She sighed. "I spent some time with my dad in Washington State; we did a lot of hiking and I practically lived in the national forests at one time." She laughed. "Before and after I was on the run."

Sawyer squeezed her gently. "What happened to Tom?"

Her smile was tinged with bitterness. "He met a woman in college. Law student. I was out of touch a lot and I guess we just drifted apart. He married her and then...I was on the run and I only saw him once again after that. When I- when he died." She paused, looking up at Sawyer, drawing strength from him. "I left the plane there with him, but I had to have it back. I had to."

Sawyer clutched her close. "So you carried it all this time. Your plane, my letter...we are really meant for each other, aren't we?"

She sighed. "I threw the plane in the fire the night you were taken. It was my sacrifice. To get you back." She smiled, touching his lips. "I had to have you back. I had to."

He kissed her hungrily, pressing her down into the bed; she moaned a little beneath his insistent lips and he pulled away, panting a little with desire. "Does it hurt, Kate?"

She looked at him questioningly. "What?"

He stared into her eyes. "Tom. Does it still hurt you?"

She nodded, slightly. The plane had carried the bulk of the burden of guilt and self-hatred but some scars never fade, some spots never come off. "Not as much, but yeah, it does a little."

"I can take it from you, Kate. If you want." He kissed her again, then said softly, "But your past made you who you are today and that is the woman I love. Don't change unless _you_ want it."

"Okay." She shook her head, smiling and kissing him gently. "I think I'll keep it for now." She adopted his lazy drawl. "Seein' as how you love me an' all."

He chuckled. "I don't sound like that, Freckles."

"Yes you do. And I love it." It was the closest she could get and Sawyer relished it.

He drawled lazily into her ear. "What else do you love about me, Freckles?"

She chuckled softly, his gaze making her breath short. Mimicking him again she said, "Well there ain't a whole lot more about you that's _lovable_, darlin'."

His hands were under the blanket, running over her body as he drew her face to his and he growled gently in her ear, "I'm sure we can find _somethin'_ else, sweetheart."

------

Ana was stretched out on one of the bunks, staring blankly at the bed above her; after they decided on going north she had excused herself and gone to take a hot shower, half-hoping that Jack would join her but not really expecting him to. He stayed in the surveillance room with Locke, and she was kind of surprised she hadn't heard gunshots yet.

Jack could be such an unbending prick sometimes. She was torn between her two desires, Jack and the life she always wanted, and Jack was making her choice pretty easy. At least Locke didn't lose his frigging mind if someone dared to disagree with him.

He appeared in the doorway, barely looking at her; he acted as if it hurt him to talk in her presence. "Do you care if I sleep in the other bunk?"

She didn't look at him either, though she wanted to. "It's a free country, Jack." She amended that. "I think."

He chuckled as he climbed into the other bunk bed. Suddenly the ice was broken and the level of hostility dropped a little. "Do you believe that stuff, Ana? About time wrinkles? That we called something to us?"

She was relieved that their argument seemed somewhat forgotten; it was hard to stay angry, and tiring too. "I don't know. I certainly didn't want to be going home."

Jack nodded. "Yeah. I didn't either." They were quiet a few seconds, then sighing, he said, "I'm sorry, about earlier."

"Me too." The silence grew between them and Ana thought Jack must have fallen asleep until he said, "Why do you believe him, Ana?"

"I need to, Jack. I wish you would at least try. For me." It was a leap of faith; the Island would tell her if she was going in the right direction.

He didn't answer and her heart sank; it had been too much, too fast. She rolled over in the dark and closed her eyes, willing herself to go to sleep and forget that Jack Shepard even existed. "There's room in this bunk for two, Ana."

She smiled at the bunk above her, then rolled out of hers and padded over to the one Jack was curled up in. "I guess we're staying at your place tonight?"

He chuckled and lifted the covers for her to crawl in. "Yep. My bachelor pad."

She sighed as his lips met hers and they slid under the covers before Jack suddenly detatched himself from her and dashed across the room, sliding the dressers against the door to block it. Ana laughed as he jumped back into bed with her. "We need a Do Not Disturb sign." She grinned slyly at him. "If this bunk bed's a rockin'?"

He groaned aloud; it was only partly from the pleasure of her hands touching him softly beneath the blanket.


	62. Chapter 62

**Chapter 62**

The division within the group was painfully obvious; Locke, Ana and Jack led the way and Eko, Kate and Sawyer meandered behind them, taking their time in the sweet morning sun. Vincent bounded happily, glad to have everyone around again and be on the road; he barked but Sawyer didn't dare respond because he was sure Jack didn't believe Ana and he didn't want to give him a reason to start. Instead he grinned softly to himself, laughing at the silly damn dog while Kate held his hand and they strolled easily alongside of Eko.

Jack wasn't totally with Locke, but he had chosen to be on Ana's side, whatever that happened to be and that put him in league with John, at least for the moment. Sexual politics makes strange bedfellows, he thought wryly as he glanced back to the happy foursome behind them, acting as if they had all the time in the world while they steadily fell behind. "Hey," he called back, "You guys want to pick it up?"

Sawyer called back, "Not really, Doc. You go on ahead, save us a table."

Jack grimaced to himself as they all laughed; even Vincent was grinning at him. He turned back to find Ana watching him. "What's up?"

He shrugged. "Nothing. Let them fall behind." He moved up next to her, smiling and taking her hand; she smiled as he did, though he didn't see the triumphant light in her eye. He had come over; he was at least going to try. And he was doing it for her; she had asked him for something and he had given it.

The red-shaded area was not far from the hatch, only a few miles, and Locke decided to go along the beach since he hoped they might run across the fishing boat and whoever was on it; it was a slim chance but it was a shot, anyway. Glancing at Jack, he smiled. He had tried to get Jack to keep Ana on his side, but it appeared that things were working out a little differently, though still in his favor. Oh well, he thought, it's the end that matters, not the means. If Ana brought Jack to their side it was that much easier. He dropped back to Eko, who separated from the others and joined him.

"Yes, John?" Eko had an idea of what he was planning, and he agreed with it, if only to get Sawyer away from everyone else before he let anything slip. Sides had been chosen and the real battle was close; Sawyer needed to work on his skills while he still had time.

"I want to check the beach for any sign of the fishing boat I saw, but I also think someone should stay in the jungle, mark out a trail." He rubbed his forehead and glanced at Eko; he wanted to get Jack and Ana away from the others so they could discuss what had to be done; the thing he needed from the Shark Hatch was still tucked safely in his pocket.

Eko nodded. "Yes. We will stay in the jungle." He looked askance at Locke, a slight grin curling his lips. "And so we part again, Gilgamesh. But we shall meet again; let us hope it is not in battle."

Locke laughed. "Well said, Enkidu, but as I recall, the battle was a draw."

Smiling, Eko nodded. "Yes, it was. But life does not always imitate art, John."

------

The beach was hot and they stuck as close as possible to the tree line where there was a little shade; they went quickly, not sparing much time or breath for talking.

Jack brought up the rear, watching Ana's as she slogged through the sand; she glanced back at him, smiling as she caught him looking. She glanced down at her ass then looked back at Jack, raising her eyebrows at him as she grinned slyly; he smiled and winked at her and she smirked as she turned back around. Jack licked his lips as his eyes returned to her rear. He couldn't help it. Shaking his head at himself he caught up to her to remove the temptation.

"You get a good look?" she panted; Locke was setting a tough pace. "I thought I was gonna have to get out my crowbar." Laughing at his confused expression she said, "To pry your eyes from my ass."

"Did you mind?" He smiled at her, "Because it didn't seem like you did."

"Jack!" Locke's voice startled them and they both glanced up to see Locke pointing to a fishing boat lying smashed up on the beach.

It looked like it had been dropped from a great height; it was just a jumble of wooden slats and spars and netting; something that looked like it might have been a cabin at one point remained somewhat upright; a large dark smudge marred the remaining white walls.

They approached it carefully; Locke could barely contain himself, his theory was shaping up to be right. As they came closer he shouted, "Hello? Anyone here?" Nothing. "Hello?"

Ana walked up to a large lump in the sand next to the boat; she recoiled a little as she realized it was a man, obviously dead. He had been shredded. Bile rose in her throat; she had seen car crashes and shootings and stabbings, but never someone who looked like they had been ripped open by giant claws.

Jack was next to her in an instant; kneeling to the man he checked him over, shaking his head. He rose and took Ana by the shoulders. "You okay?"

She nodded. "Yes." Nodding a little shakily at the corpse she said, "What does something like that?"

Jack sighed and shrugged. "Your guess is as good as mine, Ana."

Locke came up to them. "I guess there's nobody here, alive. They must have moved off of the beach."

"If this is the same ship, Locke, it's only been a day. Why would they leave the beach so soon?" He glanced down at the shredded body and shook his head. "Never mind. I know." He looked up, squinting at Locke a little. "Can you track them?"

Locke eyed him steadily. "Do you believe there _is_ someone, Jack?"

Staring warily at Locke, Jack shrugged. "Why not?"

Locke was a little disappointed but he swallowed it. "Well, that's not exactly the vote of confidence I was looking for, Jack, but I guess it's a start." He glanced up at the tree line. "If we can find a track I can follow it. Give me a few minutes." He ran up to the edge of the jungle and began scouting the ground.

Jack watched him go, still distrustful and wary. He had agreed to go along because Ana asked him, but also because he didn't trust Locke- look at what happened to his last apprentice. If he tagged along he could watch her and try to protect her, at least, and really, what did he have to lose? Just her.

Ana went to him, putting her arms around his waist; he stiffened a little but then relaxed and hugged her back as they watched Locke riffle through the bushes looking for tracks.

-----

The day was much brighter with the Brute Squad gone, and Sawyer relaxed into his old habits, driving Vincent wild with joy when he started talking to him again; the damn dog didn't shut up for an hour.

His bad feeling from the day before was gone; they were happy and together, and they walked slowly, talking and laughing, enjoying the day and each other. "Freckles, I was thinkin'." Kate pretended to be shocked and he rolled his eyes at her as she laughed, pressing her face gently to his shirt. "You and Tom were never married, right? To each other?"

"No. Not to each other." She stopped laughing, but the pain wasn't so bad; a little hurt made her happiness all the sweeter.

He caressed her face, pressing her to him briefly, then he said, "Which brings me to my point. If you weren't married to Tom, then who?"

She sighed, her breath hot on his chest. It still made goosebumps raise on his arms and he shivered a little, tightening his arms around her. "Eddie."

"And who is Eddie?" She was reluctant to answer and he used his most cajoling voice. "Come on, Freckles."

He wasn't going to let it go. She sighed again and leaned against him a little more as his arms enveloped her. "Ater Tommy got married I...freaked out a little. I mean, I knew deep down that we would never really work, we were just too different. He was going to be a doctor and I wasn't going to be anything." She stopped, glancing up at Sawyer's tightening grip on her. "I knew it even then. Turns out I was right about myself."

Sawyer stopped, grabbing her shoulders and turning her to face him. "No, Freckles, you weren't." He was a little angry. "Why do you think that way? You're beautiful, smart, sweet," he nodded at her dubious expression, "Yes, sweet, when you want to be. You are so much more than just anything, Kate. You're _everything_." Kissing her forehead, he said, "Now, finish tellin' me about Eddie." They started walking again.

She was still reluctant and it whetted Sawyer's appetite to know; why was she so scared to tell him? His curiosity was running wild. "Sawyer, please, it was so dumb, I mean, it was just..." She was deperately trying to stall until he gave in but it wasn't working; finally he felt her shoulders sag as she gave up. "Fine. He was a friend of mine from high school. One of my best friends was getting married in Las Vegas so she flew us all out there to be in the wedding party." She glanced up at Sawyer, who was grinning. "Party was the word, really; I was still freaked out about Tommy and next thing I knew I woke up with Eddie and a cheap ring on my finger." She flushed under Sawyer's gaze. "I'm not proud of it, Sawyer. It was annulled the next day."

"What was your married name?" He was grinning at her, slightly jealous of this Eddie guy.

"Dodd." She smiled. "Katherine Elizabeth Austen Dodd." The names felt strange on her tongue; they belonged to another life, another Kate.

"What happened to him?"

She stopped, staring at Sawyer a little sadly. "He died. Two years ago, in Iraq. After our annulment he joined the Army to get away from me." Sudden sorrow she hadn't thought about in a while flooded her and Sawyer felt it; he held her close, soothing her softly. "Turns out he really loved me. And I broke his heart." Sawyer felt her shudder a little. "I killed him, too. He joined the army because of me and he was killed a year later."

Sawyer snorted. "I think that's a bit of a stretch, Freckles."

"Maybe." She leaned against him, feeling his strong arms harden against her as he hugged her tight. "Alright, Sawyer, your turn. I told you about Eddie, now you answer my question." It was his turn to appear reluctant. "Fair is fair, Tex."

Rolling his head at her, he said, "Fine, fine. What's your damn question?"

Touching his chest a little nervously she said, "You told me that you've never been in love. I didn't believe you then, and I still don't." She gazed up at him. "I want the truth. Now, not counting me, _have_ you ever been in love?"

He hesitated, then stopped, meeting her eyes with his. "No, Kate." She shook her head with disappointment and started to pull away from him angrily; he held her arm, dragging her back to him. "Listen to me, Kate. I only _thought_ I was in love with her." His awestruck eyes met hers and he cupped her chin in his hand, kissing her gently. "I didn't have a clue about love, Freckles." His eyes were shining as he pulled her closer and whispered, "I didn't have the slightest damn _idea_."


	63. Chapter 63

**Chapter 63**

Locke found the trail just inside the tree line; one set of smallish footprints led off into the jungle to the north and the three of them set off, following it as quickly as they could. They felt a peculiar sense of urgency, as if it was extremely important that they find this person before anyone else did.

Locke wanted to know what they saw, what they felt. The Cloud was the door between worlds, it was the wrinkle in time that allowed someone to pass through to another dimension, an alternate universe. The surveillance room was beginning to make sense- it detected ships on the real world horizon, then it called The Cloud to bring them through the door. But why? What was it scanning for? What did it want? Where did it _come from_?

Not that the person they were looking for would have any answers to those questions; they would be like a newborn, weak and helpless; and that was why Locke had to find them first, the Island needed them whole and alive.

Jack and Ana were quiet behind him; they were going at a fast pace and the air was almost dripping with moisture; it was like breathing through a sponge. Rain was coming. John picked up his pace even more; he didn't want to lose the trail if it rained, though he supposed it didn't really matter, the Island would show him the way. But he still preferred to do it on his own if he could; why else be whole if he couldn't use it?

His urgency was justified as Bluebeard stepped out of the trees before him; Jack and Ana both had their guns out in a flash, training them on the man, he shook his head and smiled. "Put your gun away, Jack. You too, Cortez." They hesitated and the man laughed with exasperation. "Do it. I ain't alone."

Jack glanced at Ana and nodded; she slowly uncocked her gun and stuck it in her jeans as Jack did the same. "What do you want?"

Bluebeard cocked his head, eying Jack with a grin. "Actually, Jack, this time it's about what _you_ want." He held out his arm and a woman was shoved from the bushes into his hands; she was bound and gagged and absolutely terrified. "I believe you're lookin' for her."

Locke smiled. "Well, we may be. It depends on who she is."

"Who she is? Well, John, the only way to get an answer is to ask a question. So, ask her." He reached up to the woman's mouth and roughly jerked the gag down, making her eyes water with pain as she stared at them, begging for help. Jack started forward but Ana stopped him, shaking her head; patience, Jack.

With the gag off the woman was gasping deep lungfuls of air; she looked at Locke and said, panting, "My name is Cassidy. Megan Cassidy."

Glancing warily at Bluebeard he said to her, "Where are you from, Megan?"

She was still terrified and her voice shook as she said, "Iowa." Glancing around at everyone with guns she said, almost hysterically, "Why are you asking me these questions? Let me go!"

Locke smiled reassuringly at her, and he said, "I know you are scared, Megan, but I just need to see if you are who They say you are. No one is going to hurt you, just please answer my questions and everything will be okay." He held her eyes, smiling gently, and she relaxed just a little, her breath easing in her chest. "Okay?"

Bluebeard was a little insulted. "John, why would you doubt me? I know you need this woman, Our Island needs her, so we are givin' her to you." Leaning in close he said in a low voice, "John, we're on the same side now. You _need_ this woman, that's why the Island brought her here. Take her." Thrusting the woman into Locke's arms, he grinned at them all. "We'll be seeing you again soon. Good luck." He melted into the trees.

Locke quickly cut the ropes holding Megan's hands; she rubbed her wrists painfully as the blood flowed back into her arms. "Who are you people?"

Locke smiled. "I'm John, that's Jack, and Ana-Lucia. We're survivors of a plane crash, Oceanic 815, we've been here almost two months." He was a little curious; she didn't look like the type of woman who would be working on a fishing trawler. "What were you doing on a fishing boat?"

She shrugged. "I needed a fast ride, they needed fast cash." She looked a little sorry. "I don't suppose they need it now."

Jack rolled his eyes. Great. Another criminal, just what this place needed. "What happened to your boat? How did you wreck?"

"Jack, right?" He nodded. "I don't know, Jack. I was in the cabin and everything went black; next thing I know I'm facedown in the sand. No injuries, either, though the boat looks like a trailer park after a tornado. I checked it out, one of the guys was dead, in the cabin. The other was fine, he was just out cold on the beach."

Jack broke in. "Where is he?"

She paled a little. "We had set up a little campfire on the beach. They were brothers, you know, and he was really torn up, just sat and stared into the fire. We heard this...roaring, I guess, and it was coming closer so I ran but he...he didn't and it got him."

"Did you see it?" Jack was in her face, eager.

"I didn't really stick around to be the after dinner mint, you know. I hauled ass." What an idiot, she though to herself. "I ran into the jungle and everything went black, next thing I know I'm being shoved into your little circle jerk."

Locke and Ana both stared at her, then Locke glanced at Ana, asking her opinion. She nodded slowly; she was telling the truth. Enough of it, anyway. Locke smiled. "Okay, Megan." She was glaring at him a little and he smiled. "I'm sorry. You will find that things here are not always what they seem; sometimes caution is necessary."

She relented. "Yeah. So how many of you survived?"

"Originally, seventy-five. But we're down to...what is it now, Jack?"

He was surprised to realize that he didn't know. It was too much to keep track of anymore. "Forty-something, I think."

Megan froze, chilled at the numbers. "What happened to them all?"

Jack hesitated, then sighed. "We don't know."

-----

The path through the jungle was shorter than gping around to the beach so even at their leisurely pace they reached the red site before Locke and the others.

It was only ruins; stone columns and crumbling rock were obscured by vines and jungle overgrowth. A small picket fence circled it and a quaint stone path led up to the door, which was hanging crazily open; the roof was full of holes and as Kate walked through the overgrown gate to the ruins she could see birds flittering in and out of the rafters.

She reached the door and smiled; Eko came behind her and he touched his crucifix, smiling peacefully. "A chapel," he said, "is a good sign. God is with us." he pushed the sagging door gently and it swung the rest of the way open. It was a small church, with a half-dozen pews and a tiny pulpit.

Sunlight beamed softly through the gaps in the rafters and Kate noticed a small stone fountain set into one of the walls; sunlight was streaming down on it, casting it in a golden haze. She was drawn to it; it was like a painting; the stone fountain amid the ruins bathed in golden sunlight; all that was missing was the sparkling water. "Sawyer, come here."

He went to her, immediately and she hugged him, pointing to the fountain. "What?"

"Could you fill that fountain?" She was a little embarrassed to ask; it was a silly request.

Sawyer smiled and shrugged. "Your wish is my command." He touched his hand to the base of the fountain; the stone was still cool in the warm sun.

Kate watched in awe as it slowly filled and the little stone spout began to pour water into it. "You're amazing, Sawyer."

"I know, I know." He loved to make her smile; hugging her around the waist he savored the grin on her face, happy in knowing he had put it there.

Eko came up, nodding. "Ah, the Baptism Pool." he smiled sadly at it for a few moments, then dipped his fingers into the cool, clear water, crossing himself as he whispered his prayers.

Finishing his supplications he glanced at them, wrapped together and so in love it made his heart sing to see them. He glanced at the pool, bubbling happily and he smiled. "When someone is anointed with water from this pool, their sins are cleansed and they are born again, to start a new life with God. Jesus was not baptized until he was thirty; John the Baptist cleansed him in the river Jordan and when he was done God spoke to the crowd and told them that Jesus was His Son. Then, and only then, did Jesus' ministry begin."

"I was baptized when I was a baby," Sawyer said, grinning at Kate. "I've got pictures of me in a white dress, being sprinkled with water." She giggled at the image and felt a sudden pang of regret that she would never actually get to _see_ those pictures.

Eko smiled and held out his hands as tiny speckles of rain began to fall; he said, "Baptism is also a marriage, of a person to God. Marriage and baptism are similar, you know; the bride and groom have joined to form a new reality, a new person, and neither of them are what they were before. They are in covenant with one another and when it is how it is supposed to be, they are forever faithful and loyal to the other." Kate and Sawyer weren't even looking at him; they were completely focused on each other as they stood together, eyes locked.

The rain was falling steadily, now, but the sun still shone brightly; it flashed across the water creating a million little rainbows that danced along the walls; within seconds they were all soaked, but they didn't care. Eko touched them both on the shoulder and smiled. "Are you ready to start your new life?"

They didn't look away from each other, but Sawyer nodded slowly, his eyes never leaving Kate's. Droplets of water hung from her hair, dripping into her eyes; he reached out and tenderly pushed her hair back from her face.

Eko was gone. The rain was cool and warm at the same time; it pattered pleasantly on the leaves and the stones as Sawyer kissed Kate, gently, lovingly, pulling her wet body to him he hugged her tight and she returned it. They stood together, the warm sunlight dappling them as the cool rain pitter-pattered their shoulders.

Pulling away from her he held her so he could look into her eyes as he cupped his hands and dipped some water from the pool; she smiled. Yes.

He dripped the water from his hands over her head, slowly, and as it drizzled down her face he kissed her, whispering against her lips, "I love you, Kate."

She felt renewed, reborn; her fears and worries faded away as she dipped her own hand into the pool and she anointed Sawyer with it, kissing him sofly as she whispered, "I love you too, James."

He kissed her and it was different; it wasn't the same as before. The rain stopped and steam rose from their bodies as the sun beamed down on them, casting them in a golden halo of light.

Happy Skate Day


	64. Chapter 64

**Chapter 63**

Megan was having a hard time keeing up, even after Locke slowed his pace for her; she was hungry, exhausted and scared shtless. What the hell kind of place was this?

"Hey, you okay?" Jack fell into step beside her, looking concerned. She was pale and dark circles ringed her eyes; she stumbled a little and Jack caught her arm, helping her regain her balance.

"Thanks. Yeah, I'm just tired and hungry." She eyed Jack's bag hopefully.

He shook his head, dashing her hopes. "Sorry. When we get where we're going Kate will get you some food. Hope you like fruit and fish. Fruit especially."

Making a face, she said, "Well, I guess I have to." She looked around the jungle. "Where are we, anyway?"

Jack laughed bitterly. "Your guess is as good as mine. We've been here two months and haven't seen a ship or a plane- nothing. Until yours, of course. Four of us built a raft and tried to find help but..." he let the words trail away.

"How long ago? I mean, they could still be out there, there's still a chance-"

Jack cut her off with another caustic laugh. "They came back a week later. Well, three of them did. The Others attacked them and kidnapped Walt, shot Sawyer and blew up the raft."

Her eyes snapped up to his, her heart suddenly thudding crazily against her ribs. "Sawyer?" Nah, she thought to herself, willing her heart to return to normal. It was impossible. She had been looking for him for three years, ever since he pulled the long con on her; she still _loved_ him, wanted him, he haunted her thoughts and her nightmares. She shook her head. "Nah. No way."

Jack was curious. "What?"

"Nothing. I just knew someone named Sawyer. But that would be too much of a coincidence."

He was looking at her, curiously, and he glanced up at Locke, smiling in spite of himself. Damn you, Locke. "Stranger things have happened here." Looking back at her, he said, "Your Sawyer, good looking guy? Blonde hair, wears it long? Southern accent? Dimples? Smartass?"

It couldn't be. Her heart started to pound wildly and she nodded at Jack. "Yeah. But that doesn't mean-"

"It's him, Megan. Trust me. This place...well, just trust me. It's the same Sawyer." He was serious, she could tell, and he seemed sane otherwise. "You'll know soon anyway. He's one of the people we're meeting."

Ana dropped back to join them; she'd been glancing back at them every few seconds, and the look on the woman's face was intriguing. "Hey, what's up?"

Jack was grinning, and Ana could see a change- he believed, at least, just a little. "Megan knows Sawyer."

"What?" Even Ana was a little shocked at that. Recovering quickly, she gave her the once over; slim, brunette, nice rack. Apparently a criminal. "Yeah, you seem like his type."

"What do you know about it?" Megan snapped, going instantly on the defensive; two hours in their company and she was almost wishing that she was back with the hillbillies.

"More than you think, sweetheart." Smirking a little she said, "I wouldn't get my hopes up for a lovin' reunion."

Locke stopped and motioned for them all to join him; Megan and Ana glared at each other for a few seconds before following Jack. Pointing through the bushes, Locke said, "The red site is just through there. Before we meet the others, I think it would be best if we didn't mention our run in with the Others. We should say we met Megan at the wreck."

"Why?" Confusion had taken up permanent residence in Megan's mind and the question was more of a reflex.

Locke smiled gently, but there was urgency behind it. "The people we are meeting can't be trusted. They don't have our best interests in mind."

That certainly sounded like Sawyer, but she still didn't believe it. "Okay. For now."

-----

Eko and Vincent hadn't returned, so after the rain stopped they wandered around the chapel, arms wrapped around each other, touching and kissing every few seconds; they couldn't get enough. What had just happened had been a declaration, a commitment, even if they were the only witnesses to it; they were the only ones that mattered.

Kate noticed a door hidden behind the pulpit and she started to open it; as her hand fell on the knob Sawyer was behind her, his face buried in her neck and his hands sliding up under her shirt to caress her stomach. Door forgotten, she spun around to him and he kissed her, pressing her up against it as his hands continued to inch her tank top up.

She groaned and pushed him off. "Sawyer, it's a _church_."

"Well, you're an angel, baby," he growled in her ear, nibbling on the lobe. "All you're missin' is a pair of wings." His arms encircled her waist, pulling her to him as he whispered, "And God already knows I'm a devil."

She gave in for a second; how could she not? But she pushed him away and reached for the knob again, opening the door and slipping out before he could grab her.

It opened out into a small walled garden; there was a stone fountain adorned with a dancing cherub and a stone bench beside it; the garden hadn't been tended in a long while and it had run riot with blazing, vibrantly colored flowers everywhere, blanketing the ground. Kate's eyes adjusted to the blinding colors and she whispered, "Wow," as she walked slowly onto the carpet of blooms, trying not to step on too many.

Sawyer was staring at her, entranced. Sunlight streamed down on the flowers and they reflected their light onto Kate, dappling her with all of the colors of the cosmos; for in instant, as he gazed at her rainbow body he could see the universe before him, spinning planets and shining suns; comets and meteors sped before his eyes; stars exploded and stars were born and they were just a speck of dust amid the immensity of IT, of infinite space and time. He saw all of this in _her_, she was his universe, his comets and planets and suns. Nothing mattered but Kate. _Nothing._

He swept her up into his arms before she knew it, and she squealed, "Don't crush the flowers, Sawyer!"

He stopped and grinned wickedly as he flopped both of them down in the middle of the garden, crushing quite a few of the flowers as he did. "We ain't in the church now, Freckles."

He left her breathless; instead of kissing her, though, he rolled up on his elbow and smiled gently. "Give me the letter, Kate."

She reached into her back pocket and took it out, handing it to him wordlessly. She was scared but she trusted him; he wasn't going to go running off like a lunatic. He had a job to do.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a lighter; he sat up and Kate did too, putting her hand encouragingly on his knee as he took the letter gingerly out of the envelope. Holding the letter in his fingers, he brought the lighter to it, then paused, turning his eyes to Kate. "If I do this, right now, Kate, there ain't no going back. I won't be the same person; I won't be Sawyer."

"Sawyer is just a skin, James. You've always been the man you are, just hidden." She grinned. "Deep. Really, really deep."

"I'm bein' serious, Freckles," he snapped, but his dimples flashed; how did she always make him smile? Damn her. "You sure this is what you want?"

"I want _you_, Sawyer, James, _you_." She moved her hand from his knee to his thigh, leaning closer to him as she said, "Do you really think you'll be all that different?" Her voice was light and teasing, and Sawyer felt his doubts melt away. "Will you stop being a smartass? Will you be nicer to everyone else? Will you do something around camp instead of sitting on your butt?" She laughed softly at the disgusted look he threw her and kissed him. "Will you feel differently about me?"

He crushed his lips to hers in answer and she groaned a little as his tongue touched hers; he pressed her back into the bed of flowers and the ground was still damp but warm beneath them. The crushed flowers released their perfume and they were both bathed in it; there was no sound but the quiet chirping of birds and humming insects and their ragged panting.

Until Ana hollered from the front of the church, "Hello? Anyone here?"

Sawyer groaned and pulled his lips from Kate's muttering, "Shit."

They both sat up as Ana came bursting through the door; as she saw them she stopped, and grinned nastily. "Hmph. What a surprise. You two do anything but hump like rabbits?"

Sawyer sneered. "At least rabbits have a pulse. I bet when you and Jack do it it's like two sticks being rubbed together." He grinned at Kate. "No spark."

They both burst into laughter, but Sawyer noticed that Ana's sly grin didn't disappear. "Laugh it up, Cowboy. I got a surprise for you."

He stood, then helped Kate to her feet, picking random leaves and broken flowers out of her hair. He handed her back the letter, pressing it into her fingers. "Later, Kate. I promise." She nodded and slid it back into her pocket as Sawyer turned back to Ana. "Oh, really now, Butch?"

Ana glanced back at the door and an evil grin spread across her face as she turned back to Sawyer. her eyes were shining with glee as she said, "Yeah."

His eyes went to the door as Locke and Jack came through it, followed by a woman. His heart froze and his stomach dropped like a stone; Kate winced as his hand grasped hers in a crushing grip. "Cassidy?"


	65. Chapter 65

**Chapter 65**

It really _was_ him. Cassidy smiled; after her years of searching he was here in front of her; she pulled a pistol out of her pocket and pointed it at him. "Hello, Sawyer." Locke flinched; why hadn't they checked her for weapons?

Sawyer was stunned into silence; Kate stepped in front of him blocking Cassidy's shot as Locke said, "Megan?"

Sawyer snapped out of his daze and noticed Kate in front of him; he pushed her aside and snorted, "Megan is her mother's name." He stared down the pistol coolly and said, "What the hell are you doin' here, Cass?"

Fear gripped Kate in icy claws as Cassidy held her gun on him, smiling coldly at his question; she whispered, "Saywer? Do you know her?" Locke suddenly stared at Sawyer, smiling; indeed.

He didn't take his eyes from Cassidy as he answered, "Yeah, Kate. I know her." He glared at Cassidy. "I trained her." He smirked at her, hiding his terror from Kate; he didn't want to draw attention to her and risk Cassidy shooting her instead. He deserved it; he had screwed Cass on so many levels- but it had nothing to do with Kate.

"Trained me? Like I was your fucking pet monkey?" She laughed bitterly, the gun shaking a little in her hand. "I guess you _taught_ me, though, didn't you? A real good lesson." She laughed again, and it was sadder and angrier. "Ironic, isn't it Sawyer, that I became _you_? I guess the tradition gets passed down."

"What do you mean, you became me?" He wasn't as cocky and he knew what was coming; his stomach churned at the knowledge that he had forced her into it.

"Surely you know, baby. You left me with eight hundred dollars and a house I couldn't afford to keep. What else was I gonna do? It was all I knew." Her eyes narrowed and Kate saw her grip tighten on the gun. "Those were the best times of my life, Sawyer. Not even what you did to me could change that." She blinked; Kate could see the tears behind her eyes, but her voice was cold and taunting. "Did you ever find him? Read him your stupid letter?"

"Back off." Kate had heard enough; she stepped in front of him again before he could stop her.

Sawyer groaned a little as Casssidy did exactly what he was afraid of; she lowered the gun just enough to be over Kate's heart instead of his. "Who's this? Your latest long con? What you got for him to take, honey?"

Jack , Ana and Locke were watching the three of them with interest; Locke had figured it out. Sawyer was the One that had been called, and Cassidy had been brought here by the Island to weaken him. Jack had been about to rush in when Locke held him back, shaking his head; what happened was supposed to happen, they had done their part by bringing them together, now it was destiny's turn.

Kate's eyes grew chilly and she walked slowly towards Cassidy, almost daring her to fire. "He doesn't _take_ anything from me." She was only a few feet away and Cassidy's smile was fading as she got a look at Kate's face; it was cold and emotionless. "Have you ever killed anyone?" Kate took her silence as a no; Cassidy's stomach turned to ice as Kate smiled at her.

Sawyer was terrified as Kate walked up to Cass; he didn't dare make a move in case she fired. He was close to zapping her, but he didn't think it would work because he didn't really _want_ to hurt her. He never had, but a tiger don't change it's stripes. He was a bad person, and he always would be, no matter what Eko said. Or Kate. He recoiled into himself, pulling away from her warmth, her light; he wsan't good enough and he didn't want to taint her with his soiled heart.

Kate felt the change in him even from a distance; her confidence faltered a little as she felt him withdraw from her, leaving her half empty and cold. Why did he go? Because of Cassidy; she was weakening him and Kate suddenly got it; this was battle, this was the island was attacking. Fury surged through her like lightning; without Sawyer keeping away the dark side of her it came bursting forth from its prison. It was too late to back down now, though, and she pushed aside the sick feeling that was growing inside of her, making room for cold hate as she turned her full attention to Cassidy. "I have killed more than once, Cassidy. You don't want to do it, believe me. It doesn't change anything, your life will still be the same." She shook her head, as she moved even closer; the barrel of the gun was almost touching her chest. "No, not the same. Worse. Every thing that makes you feel bad, every nightmare, every memory; they will be a thousand times worse."

They were all enthralled by her voice and her cool, chilly manner; in a swift motion she had snapped her hand out and jerked the gun away from Cassidy before she knew it. She turned the gun onto Cass and slammed the butt of it across her face, busting open a gash on her cheek and knocking her to the ground as Kate yelled, "Who the fuck do you think you are?" Cassidy was trying to get up, she had rolled onto her hands and knees, blood dripping from her face. Kate's boot slammed into her ribs and she went down again, grasping her side and coughing as Kate screamed, "I know why you're here!" Jack and Ana ran to her side, staring at Kate with disgust as Sawyer grabbed her around the waist and jerked her back while she tried to kick Cassidy in the face; she struggled, jerking and clawing at him until he wrapped her up in his arms, holding hers at her sides until he felt her relax and stop struggling. "Freckles?"

"I'm okay," she panted. "You can let me go." He didn't; she was lying.

"What was that, Kate?" He was concerned, and she spun around to him, eyes wide.

"Sawyer, do you think it is a coincidence that she is here?" she hissed, keeping her voice low. Jack, Ana and Locke were huddled around Cassidy; it looked like Jack was going to have to do some stitching. "This was an attack, Sawyer, they are trying to get to you."

Sawyer chuckled. "Looks like they got to the wrong person." His gaze wandered sadly to Cass, and Kate hated her even more; glaring at Sawyer she jerked out of his arms. "Don't look at me like that, Kate."

"She was the one, wasn't she? You loved her." The magnitude of Cassidy's words hit her like a brick; she stared at Sawyer with horror. "You loved her. What did you do, Sawyer?"

He shrugged, hurt at her judgement of him; not that she was wrong, but still...he thought she had his back no matter what. "I did what I do, Sweetheart. A tiger don't change it's stripes."

"You _loved_ her, Sawyer." She was backing away from him in horror and he let her go. She whispered, "How could you?"

He wanted to hold her, to tell her he was a different man with her, that he would never do that to her, but he didn't; she wouldn't believe him anyway. And he _was_ Sawyer, no matter his wishful thinking otherwise; he was bad, rotten inside and nothing would fix that. "It wasn't as hard as you'd think."

The look on her face was killing him; she was hurt and scared, but she loved him; that he could see. He tried to get into her thoughts. to communicate to her but he couldn't get through, he wasn't a part of her anymore. She turned away from him and ran through the church door into the chapel.

He wanted to follow her, his feet were moving after her of their own accord before he regained himself enough to stop. He felt empty and cold and it was alien to him after the love and fulfillment he had felt with Kate; he was dead inside without her but she had shut him out. The world was gray and bleak suddenly, even the flowers, so brilliant when he held her down among them just minutes ago, were dull and muted; the light had gone from him and from his world.

He hated himself as he had never hated Frank; he had come full circle and now _he_ was the teacher, the mentor. He had completed the transformation into Sawyer; James was just a shadow, a memory. How did he rectify the wrong he had done Cassisdy? Not just the con, though that was bad enough; he introduced her to the life, loved her, and left her cold and alone; forced into conning out of necessity. He had heard the self-loathing in her voice when she told him he taught her a lesson; he knew exactly what that lesson was and it was harsh and hateful.

Jack was putting one last stitch into Cassidy's cheek as Sawyer came up to them. Ana was smirking slightly but he didn't even look at her; his eyes were fixed on Cass and she glared up at him, inhaling sharply as Jack poked the needle through her skin. "Should I turn the other cheek?"

He squatted down next to her, and she couldn't help herself; she reached out and touched his face and he let her caress him for a second; she suddenly raked her fingernails across his face before he could jerk away. His fingers felt the scratches and they came away bloody as Cassidy laughed.

"Damn, baby, if you wanted some of me all you had to do was ask." He touched his cheek again, grimacing, and he looked down at her. "What the hell are you doin' here, Cass?"

"I was in a shipwreck. They found me by the boat, unconcious. You know the rest." She couldn't bear to see him, it hurt her to know that she would never have him again and her hurt turned to anger; a trick she had learned well. "I waited for you in that hotel, Sawyer. I was scared when you didn't show up, terrified that Gordy had killed you anyway so I watched the news hour after hour after hour. Did you know some chick blew her step-dad up the night before? Yeah, she left the gas on in the kitchen and a zippo in the living room and Blammo! Blew him and her mom's house to splinters. I know that because I saw the story on the news every hour on the hour for days." Ana glanced at Sawyer sharply but he didn't notice. "Anyway, a day went by, two: I called the morgue, the cops, the hospital. Another day. You were dead in a ditch. Killed in a car accident. Arrested. Anything but the truth. I never suspected it, Sawyer. I stayed in that room for a week, waiting. When the money ran out I had to face the truth. You conned me." Hurt and hatred wrestled across her features. "You _used_ me.

Jack and Ana were listening, eyes averted; Sawyer turned blacker inside at every word. He missed Kate's light; he was blind without her, he couldn't find his way and he needed her now more than ever because the path he was on was a shadowed and dangerous one. No Eko, no Kate; he was alone in the dark. "You knew who I was, Cass. I never made a secret of it."

Her laugh was bitter and pained. "No, you didn't, Sawyer. I gotta give you that. I caught you the first time but you blindsided me the second; shame on me." She swallowed hard, looking him in the eyes. "I guess I loved you."

Saywer snorted. "Yeah, well, like you said, 'shame on you'." He smirked at her. "Looks like we ended up on the Island after all, even if we don't have the Mojitos." Sneering at her, he added, "If you ever pull a gun on her again, you'll be the first one to go toes up." He hesitated, then leaned close to her. "I did love you, Cass, but I ain't a good person, I never was- and I was afraid you'd get hurt. Gordy would have killed you eventually, or any of the other assholes I dealt with and I couldn't live with that." He paused, looking her in the eyes. "But make no mistake, Cassidy, I will snap your neck in a second if you try anything with Kate. Stay away from her."

"Don't feed me that shit, Sawyer. You never loved me, and you weren't protecting me. You are a selfish son of a bitch and you _fucked_ me until you got what you wanted, then you fucked me once more for good measure." She gestured to her cheek; it was inflamed and swelling into an ugly purple blotch and the stitches were still oozing blood slightly, "And don't you think you should be telling her to stay away from me?"

Smiling grimly he gave her one last hard look. "I gave you warnin', Cass. Don't push me." He turned without another word and went through the door into the chapel.


	66. Chapter 66

**Chapter 66**

Kate sat in the darkness, broken. He hadn't come after her.

She was empty inside; she missed him filling her up, keeping the darkness at bay, warming her cold heart. So much of her life in the past weeks was him; she had become so accustomed to him that she felt naked without him beside her, inside her.

It was different for them she thought, she wasn't Cassidy. But the thought nagged at the back of her mind; if he could do it to her, he could do it to me. The fact that he had abandoned her seemed to reinforce her fears and she shivered in the warm night air; tears came unbidden as she thought about his hands on her, his lips, his light. She whispered to the stars, "Where are you, James?"

"I thought I told you not to call me that."

She jumped at the sound of his voice and he stepped out of the trees, still hidden in the shadows. "Sawyer?" She started to run to him but he held his hands up, warning her off and she stopped, hurt and confused. "What? Why-"

Cold chills ran down her spine as he spoke again; he was indifferent and even though she was only a few feet away she couldn't feel him, she couldn't touch him. He was detatched from her, from their life. "I only came for the letter, Kate. Give it to me."

"No." Ice water filled her veins; without his light she was as cold and lifeless as he was.

"Don't make me come after it." He would; he would do what he had to. He was _Sawyer_ now, nothing mattered but his own self-loathing and hatred. He didn't _want_ her to love him anymore, he wasn't worth it.

Bitter laughter shook her, covering up her trembling. "Well that's what you're gonna have to do, Tex. Fucking me couldn't get it for you, what else you got?"

He flinched but his expression didn't change, or the tone of his voice. "You don't wanna see what I got, Sweetcheeks." He took a step towards her but she stood her ground as she pulled out her gun and levelled it at him; he smiled at her but it was raw and cold. "We've been here before, haven't we?"

"What are you going to do? Electrocute me?"

"If it comes to that, Freckles."

They stared each other down for a few seconds, then Kate softened a little. "This isn't how it's supposed to be, Sawyer. We're supposed to be together."

He relented just a tad; she smiled sadly to herself as he said, "I know, Kate." He took a step closer and she cocked the gun; he wished she would put a bullet in his heart and be done with it so he wouldn't feel like his soul was being torn in two. "Do you know what I did? I created another me. I took a beautiful, vibrant, smart, sexy woman who I loved and I _broke_ her." He was bathed in moonlight and Kate could see the fear and hurt in his eyes. "If I did that to you I couldn't live. So I'm better off dyin' now before it comes to that."

She shook her head sadly, but the gun didn't waver. "If you die, Sawyer, I am broken anyway. I _love_ you."

He snorted angrily. "What's love got to do with it, Tina?" Smiling coldly he said, "You know why I always went through the women? Because you all want to be loved so badly," he swallowed hard, looking away from her, "you are all so hungry to be loved that you'll even believe a son of a bitch like me." He smiled and it chilled Kate's blood. "It's so easy to say it when you don't mean it, Kate."

Her heart imploded and she dropped the gun to her side. "I meant it."

"So did I." He eyed the gun, and she knew he was going to spring. "But that ain't who I am, Freckles. I ain't ever gonna be him. You're better off just to forget me."

She laughed, bitter tears spilling down her cheeks; she felt so cold inside she couldn't believe they weren't freezing to her skin. "Forget you?" She pulled the letter from her pocket and held it in front of her. "I tried that already, Tex. Remember the bottle with the messages? The one from the raft? It washed up on shore a couple of days after you left." The letter crumpled in her hand as she clenched them into fists. "I opened it and I went through every letter, looking for this one, because I thought maybe, just maybe, you would have left it for me...in case..." Her hands shook. "I thought you were dead and I never even said goodbye. I didn't tell you I wanted you to stay... for me." Tears were running steadily down her face and he wanted to wipe them away but he couldn't bring himself to touch her. "So I tried to forget you. I played golf. I gardened with Sun, I took shifts in the hatch. Anything to forget you. And then, you come out of the jungle, slung over the shoulders of a stranger and I was so...happy, Sawyer, happy that I would get a second chance with you." His heart broke, shattered into a billion pieces as her shoulders shook with quiet sobs. "So now I am giving you the letter, as a second chance for you, James." She thrust it at him. "Here. Take it. But if you run away now, Sawyer, if you leave me alone here, you are _killing_ me. I will be dead, as dead as I thought you were." The crumpled paper fell from her fingers, landing on the ground in the dark. "But I'll leave the letter for you; when you look at it and dream about murder, know that you have already killed me for it."

I could just leave it there, he thought. I could take her in my arms and hold her and forget this stupid letter ever existed. "You wouldn't be the first, Cupcake."

She wanted to shoot him; her finger even squeezed the trigger, though the gun was pointed at the ground. "No, I don't suppose I would be." She raised the gun, her arm trembling. "Don't do it, James. Please. Come back to me."

He bent slowly, tormenting Kate as he picked up the wadded ball of paper from the dirt, brushing it off lovingly as he held it in his hand. "Come back to what, Kate?" he asked softly, his eyes glinting cruelly at her.

She pulled the trigger, the gunshot echoing wildly through the jungle.

------

They had built a fire in the garden; the chapel wasn't much of a shelter and the stone floor was cold. Cassidy sat staring moodily into the fire, her face throbbing; her cheek was so swollen it had closed her eye and her ribs ached where Kate had kicked her. She was going to get that bitch.

She was still hungry and she smiled thankfully as Ana dropped next to her, handing her a little piece of dried fish and a mango. "Thanks."

"Welcome. Get used to it, too." Chuckling a little she said, "If we ever get back to the real world I'm gonna write a book, you know, like the South Beach Diet? How about, The Mystery Island Diet, or How I Lost Twenty Pounds Running From Monsters In the Jungle Diet? What do you think?"

Cassidy laughed a little, though it hurt to move her face at all. "It'll be a best seller."

"What's been going on in the real world, Cassidy?" Locke was leaning forward, surprised at how hungry he was for news of the outside; he wasn't ever going to leave this place, and what happened there was of no consequence to him here, but he was curious just the same. Old habits die hard.

"I don't follow the news much," she said, apologetically. "Anyway, all they ever talk about is the American election lately, you know, Bush and Kerry." Shrugging she took a bite of fish, chewing slowly as bolts of pain shot through her cheek and eye.

"Who was leading?" Now Jack was interested, too. He grimaced to himself as he realized he wasn't going to be able to vote; when Cass answered he was even more chagrined.

"They are about even, I think. It was hard to get an unbiased opinion in Australia; they hate Bush." Snorting to herself, she muttered, "Who doesn't?"

Jack stiffened. "I don't. I voted for him last time."

Cassidy shrugged. "Sorry, Jack." In her head she added, _-ass_ and that made her smile a little. "Oh, I know, the Red Sox won the World series, just last week. They beat uh...Houston. Yeah, Houston."

The air around them changed, it became tense and charged as Jack glared at Locke, who was smiling benignly back at him, his eyes crinkled and sparkling. "Well, Jack, what do you know?"

Jack was scared and that was not an emotion he was too familiar with; his whole life he had grown up with 'That's why the Red Sox will never win' and now- they had. The bedrock of his entire life had shifted with Cassidy's words and he felt off kilter, at angles with the way things were supposed to be. His voice was strangled as he snapped, "Shut up, Locke. What the hell do you know?"

"You know what I know, Jack. His suffering ended, and so did theirs." He leaned closer over the fire and the flames danced crazily in his eyes, turning them dark red, blood red. "Do you know what I think, Jack? I think your father knew that he was holding you down, making you suffer, so he gave up so that you could go on. The Red Sox winning the series is a gift to you, Jack, from your father; I think you should use it." He smiled again, and it changed the shadows on his face; as Ana looked he morphed for an instant into the snarling gargoyle she had seen on Jack's heels but the next instant it was gone, just Locke smiled out at them over the fire.

"Use it?"

They were interrupted by Vincent, who bounded into the garden happily, running to Ana before he noticed Cassidy; instantly his hackles raised and he growled deeply and ferally at her, teeth bared. Ana popped him, and he dropped the growling and backed away, lying close to the fire, his brown eyes glued to Cassidy, daring her to move.

Locke eyed him, carefully. "What's gotten into you, dog?" Vincent chuffed at him, obviously telling him to mind his own business. "Sorry, Cassidy. He isn't usually like this."

Eko came in through the chapel, breathlessly; he noted that Kate and Sawyer were gone and then he noticed Cassidy, sitting with a swollen and stitched up face, trying gamely to eat the mango without moving her mouth much. "Hello. It seems I have missed something." He looked at Locke, who debated filling him in; he would find out anyway, and lying would just drive him farther away. Locke still needed him.

"This is Cassidy. She was on the fishing boat; we found it on the beach. It was smashed up, the two crew members were dead. The Cloud." Eko nodded solemnly; they hadn't been necessary.

"Where are Kate and Sawyer?" Locke and Jack exchanged glances and Eko blanched a little. Something was wrong. "What is it?"

Cassidy spoke. "That crazy bitch pistol whipped me."

He was getting confused; why would Kate attack this woman? "Why would Kate do that?"

Jack said, nervously, "Cassidy knows Sawyer. Or knew him, before the Island." Glancing at her, he said, "She pulled a pistol on him and Kate took the gun away." He was a little sickened by Kate; he could see the butt of the gun slamming into Cassidy's face as it split open with a sickening squish, he could hear the hard, thudding impact of her boot on Cassidy's side and every time he thought about it it made him queasy. She was so...cold; he had never seen someone with eyes so lifeless and distant and he was suddenly _scared_ of Kate, of what she could do, of what she _would_ do.

A gunshot echoed through the jungle and they all leapt to their feet, glaring around them into the darkness. Eko turned to Vincent, whispering. "Go find them, then come get me. Hurry." Hackles raised and growling, Vincent stalked through the chapel door, then he ran into the jungle, following their scents.


	67. Chapter 67

**Chapter 67**  
The gunshot echoed through the jungle.

"What the _HELL_ is wrong with you, woman?" He gazed in goggle-eyed shock at his now-empty fingers; the letter had been clutched in them seconds ago. He noted with unease exactly _where_ his hand was; it was even with the crotch of his jeans, and he rolled his head at her, glaring. "Please, God, tell me you were aiming for the letter."

A tiny smile touched the corners of her mouth; Sawyer saw it and a light flickered on in his heart like a guttering candle. "I hit what I aim for." She glanced down at his jeans. "Glad to see there's something you love more than the letter."

His lips curled up with the hint of a smile; Kate saw it and a candle flickered on in her heart. They were so close, _so close_; all it needed was a word from one of them, a gesture, to make it all okay again. The silence stretched on until Sawyer finally turned away from her, going for the letter which lay a few feet away; as he reached for it she said, "I'll shoot it again. How many bullets do you think it will take to turn it into dust?"

His hand froze over it and he glared at her over his shoulder. "Why are you doin' this, Kate?" He straightened, crossing his arms as he faced her and the gun. "I ain't ever gonna be what you want me to be; I can't save everyone. I can't save myself. And I sure as hell can't save you."

She began angrily, "I don't want-" she stopped, her eyes meeting his; her anger was gone and she was filled with an empty sadness that seeped into her bones, making her weary and her voice softened as she said, "I don't want you to save me, Sawyer. I just want you to love me. That's all. You don't have to be a hero for me; If I wanted a hero I'd be with Jack." He flinched and glared at her at Jack's name, but she smiled softly at him. "I just want _you_."

His eyes flashed in the dark. "Is that so?" he drawled, and the light in her heart flared a little more. "Come here."

She stuck the gun in her waistband and went to him, sighing happily as he enfolded her in his arms, kissing her softly; but the kiss was off, somehow, it didn't feel right and as she started to pull back he snagged the gun from her pants and shoved her away, smiling coolly, shaking his head. "Women. You fall for the same shit every time. A little kissin' and I can steal the house out from under 'em."

Cold daggers stabbed Kate in the heart and she suddenly felt very, very sorry about knocking Cassidy's ass in the dirt. "You really are a bastard, Sawyer."

He sneered at her in the shadows. "I never pretended to be otherwise, darlin'." He winked at her and stuck the gun in the front of his pants; he didn't see her coming and her fist connected with his jaw, knocking him backwards though he didn't lose his balance. Love flashed through his eyes as he rubbed his jaw, shaking his head. "Damn, Freckles, you hit like a girl."

She was shaking with fury and frustration and very close to tears; what the hell was happening here? "Sawyer, why are you doing this?" Tears leaked from the corners of her eyes as she said, "Why?"

She began to sob in earnest, and Sawyer felt himself relent a little; he couldn't stand to see her cry, he never could. "Freckles, I can't..." he stopped as she threw herself against him, sobbing against his shoulder. He couldn't bear it; he wrapped his arms around her, holding her close and soothing her.

She snagged the gun from the front of his pants and shoved it into his stomach, grinning coldly. "You know what they say about payback, eh, Tex?"

He was furious; she'd turned his own damn play against him and it really sucked to be on the recieving end. She backed away a few steps, still holding the gun on him and she stepped on stick; the crack startled her for a second and as she looked down Sawyer tackled her, knocking her head against the jungle floor. Stars burst behind her eyes, but she struggled to keep the gun out of his reach; they grunted and strained for a few seconds as he fought with her to grab it. He was gaining, he was going to get it from her; in desperation she brought her knee up sharply into his groin, wincing as he grunted and gazed down at her in shock and pain. She shoved him off and scrambled to her feet, panting; as he got painfully to his feet she watched him warily to see if he was faking as she tucked the gun back into her waistband.

He was disgusted. "That was dirty, Freckles." His voice cracked a little.

She smirked, looking a little regretful at the same time. "All's fair in love and war, Sawyer. And we are in both."

Torches flared up around them and they both jumped as Frank came out of the bushes. "I don't know about the love part, Ford, but the little lady is right about the war."

All of his anger and frustration with Kate shifted to Frank; he glared at her anyway and snarled, "Gimme the gun, Kate."

Frank smiled. "Yeah, you do that, Missy. Give him the gun and maybe he'll kill you before he does himself in." He sneered at Sawyer. "Like father, like son."

To hell with the gun, Sawyer thought. He tried to generate a spark- he was gonna electrocute the asshle if he couldn't shoot him- but nothing was there. He was empty. He cursed Kate silently, glancing over at her as she watched him. "What kind of war?"

Frank pointed to the sky, smiling coldly; Kate noticed for the first time how the chill extended physically from him, coming off of him like sheets of ice. "The Battle for Heaven, _Sawyer_. Heaven and Earth."

"That sounds a little out of our league, Pally, but thanks anyway." He didn't know what to do; he wanted to rush the bastard and strangle the life from him, but he didn't want to die before he could finish the job.

Frank eyed Kate with interest and as hard as Sawyer tried not to care it drove him even more insane; Kate was trembling as he came closer, running his beady eyes up and down her body. "Well, don't give up just yet, Ford," he sneered. "To the victor goes the spoils." He reached out a dirty finger to Kate's cheek, and whispered, "And you'll be spoiled, baby, we'll take _good_ care of you."

He didn't quite touch her before Sawyer's hand smacked his away. "Don't touch her." He rested his hand on Kate's shoulder and looked into her eyes; the tiny kindled flames burst into life as their eyes met and he smiled apologetically at her as he dropped his hand and grabbed the gun from her pants, keeping it concealed behind her back.

Tears of hurt and hate shone behind her eyes as he held her in place; she wouldn't have said anything anyway, but she felt like he was using her as a shield. He tensed and she knew it was coming; he was going to do it and the Island would own him, she would lose him forever; but she was powerless; the rekindled flames were still just sparks.

He looked into her eyes and said, "I love you."

She smiled back and said, "I know." He pushed her aside as he pulled out the gun and fired it at a triumphant Frank; as he did a yellow bullet jumped from the bushes and leapt in front of Frank just as the bullet reached him. Vincent fell into a bleeding heap on the jungle floor.

Sawyer and Kate both rushed to him as Frank snarled in frustration. He melted into the trees but they didn't notice; they both knelt down next to the bleeding dog.

He was panting shallowly and fast; his brown doggy eyes gazed up at Kate as she held his head, stroking him. She looked up at Sawyer, who was looking at the wound as it bled steadily, staining Vincent's golden coat a dark brown. "Well?"

He looked up at her, tears in his eyes. "It's bad, Kate. I think it's a..." he didn't want Vincent to hear, so he spelled it out, "L-U-N-G."

Vincent growled weakly and Sawyer choked out a laugh. "He said 'I can spell, you condescending asshole'." His laugh turned to a sob as he looked down at Vincent. It was crazy; he was crying over a _dog_.

Kate stared at him, and she felt it; the light was creeping back inside of her. "James," she whispered, putting her hand on his shoulder, "you can do it." She nodded at Vincent's wound; his breathing was becoming shallower and his eyes were clouding over.

"I can't," he said, shaking his head. "I tried earlier to-" he stopped as he felt it too; she was back, creeping slowly inside of him.

What had happened? It was easy, Kate thought, We need each other. Eko said we could only do this together, as one. "James."

Their eyes met. Kate's breath caught in her chest and she touched his face softly, noticing the scratches on his cheek; his hand went to her stomach, feeling her warmth fill him and he laid his other hand on Vincent, who growled something softly as Sawyer touched him.

They hadn't broken their gaze and Sawyer could feel the energy from her flowing through it; he smiled and said, "He says it tingles, but that could be because his head is in your lap." Kate laughed softly, her eyes never leaving his.

Sawyer closed his eyes and concentrated on Vincent; he visualized the bullet coming out and the wound closing; he imagined the blood gone and Vincent whole and happy.

Kate gasped and his eyes flew open; she was staring at Vincent, who was still lying with his head in Kate's lap, his tail thumping happily on the ground. He stretched, being sure to rub himself all over Kate as she rolled her eyes at him; she shoved him off of her, laughing and smiling at Sawyer, who smiled back. He reached out and cupped her chin in his hand; she stopped laughing as his lips found hers and this time it was real, it was right.

Vincent wiggled out from between them as the kiss grew deeper and more urgent; Sawyer pushed her back onto the ground and they panted and groaned as their bodies touched. He craved her and his hands and tongue became more insistent as she moaned and pushed up against him, tearing frantically at his clothes. She was dying of thirst and he was a cool fountain; she drank him in until she was so full the light was shining from her eyes.

Vincent barked urgently and Sawyer groaned, resting his head against Kate's. "Every friggin' time," he whispered, shaking his head; Kate laughed softly, then holding him to her as he tried to rise she said, "I love you, James. And I am calling you that from now on, so get used to it."

He smiled at her, his heart swelling; how could he ever have thought about leaving her? She had saved him again; and again, and again. "I'm sorry, Kate. I'm so sorry." He hugged her to him tight; her arms went around him, grasping him as close as she could. "I love you."

We're almost there, she thought, feeling the letter lumped against her in his pocket. So close and yet so far.


	68. Chapter 68

**Chapter 68**  
Kate was amazed at how easily they fell back together; the hurt and pain and sorrow of the past hours was gone; suddenly they were the same two people who so sweetly baptized each other in the fountain, who rolled around joyously in the flowers. The emptiness was gone, and the cold; as Sawyer held her he could feel the warmth radiating like sunshine from her skin and he drank it in, feeling it spread through him to his toes.

Her hair still smelled like the flowers and Sawyer buried his face in it, breathing the scent in; forever after the scent of flowers would remind him of this day, of how close he came to destroying everything between them, of how close he came to throwing it all away on a ghost. Sudden gratitude flowed through him, he was grateful to Kate for stopping him, for saving his sorry ass for the millionth time, and he kissed her neck, holding her to him, crushing her into him.

Vincent had gone tearing off into the jungle, barking happily; Sawyer took the opportunity to kiss her and she returned it, hungrily tasting him; she was starving and a banquet had been spread before her. Their tongues met and Kate saw stars for the second time that night; the heavens exploded as she moaned softly against his lips, and he responded, touching her with such urgency and need that she almost cried because she needed him, too.

The world fell away from them and they were floating through the cosmos; the stars spoke to them and dancing comets blazed a trail for them across the sky; there was no sound but their panting and sighing as he moved his lips to her throat, tasting her pulse as it beat wildly beneath her skin.

"James," she groaned as his lips slid lower; she gripped his hair in her hands and pulled his mouth back to hers; his name being moaned from her lips drove him into a frenzy, his hands were suddenly everywhere and she felt her shirt slide up and over her head as his hands went to her soft skin beneath it.

He felt every inch of her with wonder; she was his, she belonged to him and he had almost given it all up; now that his heart was full and beating again he could appreciate what he would have lost. "Oh, Kate," he groaned as she slid her fingers under his shirt, caressing his chest as he held her lips with his, "I'm sorry." He pulled her as close as he could, crushing her to him and she could feel him shaking as he whispered, "I'm so sorry Kate. I didn't mean anythin' I said...before."

Smiling against his shoulder she said, "I'm sorry too, James."

He pulled away and looked her in the eyes. "You have nothin' to be sorry for. You saved me, Kate. Again." His finger traced a tear as it trickled down her cheek and he could feel them prickling at the backs of his eyes, too. "Promise me?"

She stared at him breathlessly, the answer already on her lips. "Anything."

He grinned slyly, raising his eyebrows. "Anything?" Chuckling, he said, "Promise me you'll always be there to rescue me." His smile faded as he gazed at her. "I don't want to go back to that place. When we were apart I fell back into the old me, and it was comfortable, Kate, but it was cold and empty because you weren't there. I was dead inside, everythin' was gray, all of the color and light was gone from me, and I don't want to ever be there again." He buried his head in her hair again and she could feel his tears against her neck. "Please, Kate," his voice was strangled and muffled against her, "Please promise me."

Her grip on him increased as she cried silently against his shoulder; he was so open, so vulnerable and she wanted to wrap herself around him like a shield, never let anything get to him or hurt him again. "Baby, I promise. I will always be there to rescue you." She laughed through her tears. "I can't live without you, James. I need you just as much as you need me."

His mouth was on hers again, insistently; she helped him off with his shirt as he slid his fingers down to her jeans, popping them open as Kate moaned softly; her hands explored him, and there was nothing else in the world but the two of them.

Sawyer cried out as he pushed into her, and she moaned with need; he dropped his head to hers, his hair tickling her face as he kissed her, deeply, while he moved slowly, rocking against her until she tensed and shuddered against him, groaning as he kept up his slow, trembling pace.

Gradually he increased his rhythm, and every thrust made Kate groan and shake; he looked at her, eyes closed, face flushed and sweaty, and as he moved in her she sighed, her lips a perfect little O of pleasure. "Kate," he whispered as he moved faster, "say my name, Kate. I need to hear it."

"James," she panted, her eyes opening and meeting his, "James."

He closed his eyes as happiness and ecstasy flooded him; he cried out as Kate did and he slumped against her, his sweat mixing with hers as they panted together breathlessly for a few seconds.

Neither of them had ever felt anything like this; the sorrow and pain only served to make their reunion all the sweeter. They lay togther, touching and caressing each other softly; Sawyer kissed her again, and they savored it, loving each other.

"Let's run away; I don't want to go on with this craziness. Let's go hide out in the aquarium and just stay there forever." She was only half-joking, and Sawyer smiled sadly at her, brushing a sweaty strand of hair from her eyes. "Please. I don't want to go back there."

"Kate, I wish we could." He mustered a tiny shock and she gasped as he touched her hand. "I love you, Kate, God I do, but I just feel like if we ever want to be truly happy I have to do this."

"I am happy, James."

She was so beautiful he couldn't see straight; he kissed her and it burned him like cool fire. He was gazing at her with...something like happiness and fulfillment but it was more than that; whispering into her ear he said, "We can be so much more, Kate, you have no idea." Her skin tingled as he placed his hand over her stomach, feeling the heat from her body. "I saw somethin' in The Cloud that day. I wanna tell you now."

"Please, James. Tell me." His eyes were shining as he bent low to her ear; her eyes widened, then softened as she smiled at him with brightly shining eyes. "Yeah," she said. "That is beautiful."

"You're beautiful."

Grinning, she ducked her head a little, and looked at him out of the corner of her eye. "This isn't the beginning of another lame pick-up line, is it?"

Smiling cockily at her, he said, "I think we're a little past the pick-up line stage of the relationship, don't you?"

She rolled her eyes but before she could reply Vincent barked in the distance and Sawyer groaned. "Get dressed, Freckles. We've got company."

They exchanged glances and grinned; kissing her once more he rose to his feet, bringing her up with him and their naked bodies pressed together in the moonlight; it was so bright that there were hardly any shadows around them.

-----

After the second gunshot thay had set out from the chapel; Vincent still hadn't returned and Eko was getting a little worried.

Something rustled in the bushes and they all froze; Vincent came out, wagging his tail and chuffing at Ana's hand. He growled briefly at Cassidy, then jumped up, putting his paws on Eko's chest.

"Okay, okay," he laughed, catching his paws and dropping them to the ground. "I guess they are that way?" he pointed through the bushes.

Vincent sat down in front of the spot and growled; his intent was clear- no one was getting by.

Jack was a little irritated by the fact that everyone seemed to be following a dog's orders, and after a few minutes of glaring at everyone he shook his head. "They could be in trouble. I'm going."

Vincent uttered a low, threatening growl, and Eko put his hand on Jack's arm. "They are fine, Jack. Give them a few minutes, okay?"

Disgust flashed across Jack's face, though Eko wasn't sure if it was his touch or the image of Kate that Jack was getting. He backed down, though, and Locke smiled at him. "Guess you're not using that gift, Jack."

He glared at John, Kate forgotten for the moment. "What?"

Locke came closer, speaking low so that no one could hear. "You still make yourself suffer. You can't have her, and you can't fix her, so why do you still torment yourself with her?"

Jack swallowed hard and his tone was unconvincing as he said, "I don't know what you're talking about, Locke."

"Yes you do, Jack. Why don't you let Kate go? You have someone right in front of you, who obviously feels something for you, and yet you continue to moon after someone you will never have." He smiled at Jack's discomfort. "Not even the Island can give you Kate."

"I though it could do anything," Jack snapped sarcstically.

Locke paused. "Apollo, the god of the arts and prophecy angered Eros, the god of love one day, by telling him that his arrows of love could not affect him; he was above his power. Eros responded by shooting Apollo with a golden tipped dart, making him fall in love with a beautiful wood nymph; Daphne. But to get even, he tipped Daphne's arrow with lead, smiting her heart instead of kindling it." Jack was listening, and Locke knew that he was close. "So Daphne never cared for a man after that day, while Apollo burned with the incessant flames of love for the very first time. Love is stronger than prophecy, Jack, for even the God of Prophecy could not see that his love would never be returned. He pursued her relentlessly, fruitlessly, pushing aside other women who would have made him happy, and finally in exhaustion, Daphne called upon Zeus to save her." Grinning, he rubbed the back of his head. "So Zeus turned her into a laurel tree, taking her from Apollo's grasp forever. But instead of letting her go, he broke off one of her branches and carried it with him to keep her with him."

Jack shook his head. "I'm not sure I'm following you, Locke."

"Jack, she would rather be a block of wood than be with you. Let her go and stop your suffering. It's okay to be happy, you know. You are allowed."

Vincent barked and moved aside from the path; Jack turned away and glared at the dog. "Nice to have your permission." Without another word to Locke Jack dove into the bushes.

Locke watched him go, shaking his head sadly. Jack had farther to go than he thought.


	69. Chapter 69

**Chapter 69**

Jack tore through the bushes, Locke's words like demons at his heels; he couldn't get away from them, they dogged his steps. Why couldn't he be happy? He never had been, really; when he healed Sara maybe, was the happiest time he could remember. Even when he married her he hadn't been content, doubts about why he was doing it had driven away any pleasure; in fact, as hard as he tried, he couldn't think of a single instance of prolonged happiness other than Sara's miracle.

Because he hadn't had any doubts. She was whole, healed; there was no question. It was _perfect_.

And that, in a nutshell, was it. Jack could only find happiness in perfection; it drove him to exhaustion, the need to live up to his father, to be what his father said he could never be. It was why he needed to fix things; every time he repaired someone's broken body he moved a step closer to erasing doubt from his heart and mind. Without the uncertainty holding him back he could be happy.

And then there were the Red Sox. Tears blinded him briefly; Christian would have hated to see them win, it would have proved him wrong and Jack right. His breath seized in his chest and he stopped cold, looking back towards the others; could Locke be right? If he was going to be sent a sign from his father, wouldn't the Sox winning the Series be it? He looked skyward, the stars twinkling at him merrily and whispered, "What are you trying to tell me, Dad?"

Locke spoke in his ear and he jumped; he had been far behind a few moments ago. "He's telling you that you don't have to be perfect."

For once Jack didn't get angry. "I don't follow, Locke." He hesitated, then said, "But I want to."

A gentle smile touched Locke's lips and he put his hand on Jack's shoulder; Jack was asking for help and he was ready to give it. "Okay, Jack," he said, "The Red Sox haven't won the Series in what, eighty something years? They were cursed, the fans said, and they tried everything under the sun to break that curse; as a result, the Sox have some of the most rabid fans in baseball. But those fans, the ones possesed by them, they suffer, because they eat, sleep and breathe their team. Their family. And they lose, and lose, and lose." Jack was nodding; he knew the feeling. "Those fans, they are meant to suffer. By virtue of being a fan they're just made that way, right? They love their suffering because it makes them special and it gives them a reason to come out and cheer harder next season, it_drives_ them." He lowered his voice, and said kindly, "Your father saw those things in you, Jack. You like to suffer because it drives you harder, and without that drive what are you? Just another man in a white coat?" Locke paused as Jack struggled with tears, and he shook his head, "Don't fight it, Jack. Emotions don't make you weak."

Swallowing his tears, Jack said, "I'm okay."

"Nobody is perfect, Jack, and nobody expects_you_ to be. It isn't your destiny ."

Locke could see the sarcstic remark on the tip of Jack's tongue but he held it back, smiling weakly at him instead. "And what _is _my destiny, Locke?"

The bushes in front of them shook and they both drew their guns; Locke dropped his as Kate and Sawyer came strolling out of the trees. "Well, were just looking for you. We heard shots."

Sawyer grinned and hugged Kate's waist happily. "Freckles tried to kill me."

Jack sneered at her; he was still a little freaked out at her attacking Cassidy, and said, "Seems to be a trend with you lately. Too bad practice doesn't make perfect."

Kate snapped back, "I can always use an extra target, Jackass. Who knows, maybe I'll get lucky."

Sawyer was already laughing at her use of 'Jackass' and he laughed even harder at the implication that Kate would get lucky with Jack. Grinning at her cockily he said, "Oh, you will, Freckles." His breath tickled her ear as he whispered, "Later."

Kate laughed, too, and kissed him; Jack turned away, disgusted, to find Locke staring at him, eyebrows raised. "Like I said, Jack. You don't have to suffer." Shrugging, he said to everyone, "Let's go back to the chapel, spend the rest of the night there."

With one last glare at the sickengly cozy Kate and Sawyer, Jack turned and disappeared back the way they had come; Locke smiled and said, "There were two shots, a long time apart. Did you try to kill him twice?"

Kate was grinning as she said, "Nah. I only tried to Ishoot/I him twice." Sawyer kissed her hungrily, acting as if John wasn't even there; when his hand slid up under Kate's shirt he'd had enough and he followed Jack back towards the chapel.

As he left Sawyer's eyes followed him until he disappeared, then he laughed against Kate's lips, sending them both into hysterics. "It worked, they're gone."

Kate hugged him, still giggling a little. "Good call, baby," she said, "How did you know it would gross them out enough to make them leave?"

He shrugged, his eyes shining at her in the starlight. "I knew it would work on Jacko, but I had my doubts about Kojak." He squeezed her, grinning, "I guess we're just revolting." They started to trail Locke and his arm draped itself over her shoulder as her fingers slid around his back, hooking themselves into his belt loops. They stayed behind the others, content with just themselves.

-----

Jack reached the others; they were waiting in a circle, Vincent close to Eko as he growled menacingly at Cassidy every few minutes. Eko was beginning to wonder about her; Vincent ususally liked everybody, and it wasn't because she was a stranger; he had taken to Ana and himself quickly. He supposed it might have something to do with Sawyer and he resolved to ask him about it when he could.

As Jack came into the clearing he went straight to Ana and kissed her; her eyes widedned in shock but she gave in without hesitation as his tongue traced her lips softly. He broke it off and without a word to anyone else he led her back towards the chapel, leaving Eko and Cassidy staring uncomfortably in their wake.

Locke came into the clearing, and noticing that Jack and Ana were both gone, he smiled. Maybe he had reached Jack a little tonight. He hoped so.

Eko looked concerned. "Where are Kate and Sawyer?"

"They're coming." The double meaning of his words were not lost on himself and he chuckled and shuddered at the same time. "They should be right behind me."

"Why was there shooting?" He wasn't as worried now that they were both alright.

"Kate tried to kill Sawyer, according to them." He smiled at Eko. "Somehow I don't think that it was exactly the truth." He scratched his head, chuckling again. "Although with those two it_could_ be true."

Cassidy was listening with interest. She wasn't done with Bonnie and Clyde yet, but she could bide her time. A good con required patience and attention to detail and so did revenge; she had learned that from Sawyer, too.

Locke eyed her with a little concern; her face looked horrible and he was sure she was in pain. "Are you okay? Come on, let's go back to the chapel and get some rest; we'll decide where to go from here tomorrow."

She was exhausted and still pretty scared; she looked at Locke in surprise. "What? We're not going back to your camp?"

Locke shook his head. "No, we have some business to attend to first." Smiling at the confused and worried look in her eye he said, "They took two of us, Walt and his father, Michael. We're trying to find them before...well, we're trying to find them." He didn't even want to articulate the possibility of what was happening to Michael; Walt was fine. "Come on, you need some sleep."

Smiling ruefully, Cassidy said, "I'm hoping I'm already asleep."

Gazing at her thoughtfully, John smiled and said, "Most of us already are, Cassidy; but I can tell you that being awake is so much better." He started back to the chapel, then stopped, waiting for her to join him; she did after a second's hesitation and he smiled genuinely at her. "Life is better with eyes open, Cass. You_see_ so much more."

-----

Kate and Sawyer made it to the chapel long after everyone else was sleeping; they crept into the church silently and Kate peeked out into the garden; she shut the door quietly and grinned at Sawyer. "Sleeping like the bunch of babies they are," she said, and he chuckled softly, staring at her in the beams of moonlight that shone through the holes in the roof. God, I love you, Kate. "Eko and Vincent aren't there, I wonder where they are?"

Sawyer swept her up and said, "You worried about Ed or Fido?" He kissed her neck, nibbling it and goosebumps dimpled her skin as he growled softly, "You got somethin' for Rover? I bet he's got a doggy bone for you."

She shoved him away, disgusted. "Gross, Sawyer." She giggled anyway; she couldn't help it. His hair hung in his eyes and he was grinning at her playfully, dimples deepening as he chuckled.

"I thought you were only gonna call me James from now on," he teased, and her stomach lurched as she thought, He is mine. I can touch him, love him, have him any time I want. I _did _get lucky.

She threw herself on him and he caught her around the waist, lifting her up against him. "James would never suggest what you just did. So until I hear something a little more romantic- no, no, just something a little less _repulsive_from your mouth, Sawyer you will be."

He leaned into her ear and whispered, "I love you, Katherine. I don't want you to love any other dogs but me." His breath tickled her neck, bringing the goosebumps back, she shivered slightly and he held her closer, feeling the delicious beat of her heart against his chest.

She laughed and kissed him softly, wrapping her arms around his neck. "That's a little better, James._And_you get points for honesty."

They were close to the fountain; it was still burbling merrily and the stars reflected in it, casting glowing sparks along the walls. Sawyer set Kate down and took her hand, leading her to the pool he sat on the edge, drawing her onto his lap. They just held each other for a few minutes, touching and caressing; Sawyer held one of Kate's hands in his, rubbing it gently as he stared into her eyes. Lifting it to his cheek he pressed it to his skin, feeling the sweaty warmth; he turned his head and kissed her palm, flicking his tongue against it, tasting the saltiness and making Kate gasp a little.

She reached under his chin and drew his face to hers; she kissed his forehead, then slid her mouth down to meet his; it was soft and sweet and they moved in and out of the moonshadows as the kiss grew stronger, more intense; Kate moaned and pressed against him and he lost his balance, flailing wildly as he toppled over into the water and knocking a couple of stones loose from the side of the pool. He spluttered as he shook the water from his eyes; the pool wasn't deep but he had made a hell of a splash and he noticed with satisfaction and a little lust that Kate had gotten wet too; her shirt stuck to her in a most alluring way, and the water_was_ chilly.

She caught him staring and glanced down at her chest; rolling her eyes with disgust she crossed her arms, covering up as Sawyer grinned at her. "Freckles, I've seen 'em before, you know."

She giggled a little but didn't move her arms, and a wave of love washed over him; shy, modest Kate was an unusual side of her and he loved it, to see parts of her that no one else got to see, to have a Secret Kate who belonged to him alone. He held his hand out to her, grinning slyly. "You gonna help me out here, Kate? You know what cold water does to me."

"Do I ever." She reached out and grabbed his offered hand, expecting him to pull her in but he didn't; he levered himself out of the pool with her help and as he stood he pulled her tight against him, pressing their wet bodies together. Kate grinned and laughed teasingly, "I guess the water wasn't _that _cold."

"No, Freckles, the water was cold, but you ain't." He kissed her again, trailing his lips down her neck to his favorite spot at the base of her throat where he could feel her pulse; it was thumping wildly and he kissed her there, feeling her heart against his tongue. "You keep me warm, baby."

She groaned and it wasn't from pleasure. "That was cheesy, James."

"That's what you got to look forward to. I told you I'd be a different person." He kissed her again, but she didn't respond and he looked up at her, questioningly. "What?"

"You haven't done it, yet, _Sawyer_. You were going to. So do it now." She brushed his hair back from his eyes and the trace of her fingers on his skin made him willing to do anything. "Aren't you ready, James?"

He pulled the letter from his pocket; it was ruined completely after his dunk in the pool and all it was now was a lump of soggy paper. He stared at it for a few minutes as Kate watched him, smiling softly; he was giving up one reason for living to take on another and it was a scary step even though he loved Kate more than anything. "Guess I can't burn it," he said, trying not to stop himself. It was time; he had Kate and after losing her, however briefly, he never wanted to take that chance again. "I don't know what to do," he laughed, shaking a little, and Kate wrapped her arms around him, giving him strength; she knew what he was giving up and she knew he was doing it for her and the thought made her glow with love for him.

She looked at the pool where he had knocked the stones loose; smiling she said, "Bury it." Nodding at the space where the rocks had been, she said, "There's a hollow space in between those rocks. Bury it and cover it with the stones."

He sighed and bent over the space about to drop the letter in; his eyes widened and he pulled out a small cloth pouch like the one Kate had found in the drains. "What's this?"


	70. Chapter 70

**Chapter 70**  
Jack was pulling Ana quickly through the moonlit jungle; even in his quest to lose his drive he was driven and the irony was not lost on him. Locke _was_ right, there was someone right in front of him; suddenly felt as if he really _did_ have permission to be happy. He decided to let the wheel go, just for a little while, let the bus drive itself. He wasn't having much luck controlling it anyway; he kept driving it off the road onto the shoulder.

Easier said than done, of course, but it was a start. He kept up the pace.

He was almost dragging her, and as she tripped over a root in the dark she snapped, "Jack, can you slow down a little? Where's the friggin' fire?" In answer he jerked her to him, kissing her hard; as he released her, she said, faintly, "Oh." He was actually grinning. Ana shook her head. "What's gotten into you?"

"The Red Sox won the World Series." He was grinning madly, and Ana groaned to herself. Great. Nutty sports guy.

"Right. You must be a huge fan." He was still smiling and she wondered briefly if he'd lost his mind; Jack never smiled this much.

He shook his head, laughing. "No. I don't like sports, really. It's a long story."

She took his hand. "Well, I think we've got plenty of time. Why don't you tell me?"

He stared at her for a moment,smile gone, suddenly afraid to say what he was thinking out loud. Locke was crazy, after all, he shouldn't be putting any faith into what the madman said. But he did. It felt right. "I think it was my dad, sending me a sign. That he...forgives me. That he was wrong and I was right."

He waited, cringing, for her to laugh or ridicule him; instead she hugged him, nodding. "Okay. That wasn't so hard, was it?"

"No." He hesitated, then said, "You don't think that's crazy?"

Sighing, Ana shook her head. "How long have you been on this island, Jack? Everything here is crazy; crazy is _normal_." She didn't add that she'd been seeing gargoyles and dead people. That really _was_ crazy.

He pulled her closer, kissing her forehead and whispered, "Come on. I saw something when I was out earlier. Wanna see it?"

She sighed, reluctantly. "It's a little late to be starting a safari."

He winked at her. "Trust me, I think you'll like it." He took her hand and led her off the trail, back into the trees. Twenty yards in there was a spring; it burbled gently into a small pool that reflected the moon and stars, and next to that was a small jumble of boulders piled into a cave.

"Wow." It was beautiful; the water trickled pleasantly and the moon cast deep shadows all around, turning everything black and white and gray. "You were right. I do like it." She reached up and kissed him, letting her tongue touch his gently before pulling away. "Let's go look at the cave." She smiled. "Do you have my flashlight?"

He unzipped his pack and rifled through it before he found the light; he handed it to her and they let their fingers touch for a few seconds before Jack pulled away. "Be careful," he said, and she flicked the flashlight on, shining it ahead at the cave.

She had to duck to go into it, but once inside it opened up enough for her to stand. It was small, not very wide, and not too deep either, she noticed as she flashed the light around the back of the cave. She screamed and dropped the light.

Jack was next to her in a flash, looking at the beam of light where the flashlight had rolled to a stop. He felt a little sick.

Two rotted bodies were stuck together in a grotesque pose; one was in a dress, and its decayed hand held a rusted gun. The other had on jeans and a button down shirt; its hands were wrapped around the other's throat and half of its face was gone.

Ana recovered quickly; she was used to seeing bodies, she just hadn't expected it. "How long have they been here?"

Jack was taking a closer look; he recoiled a little as he realized it wasn't rust on the gun. Dried, flaky brown blood spotted everything; the gun was covered in it. "Ugh. I'd say ten years or so." He looked around the cave; it was empty. "I guess they didn't live here." He flashed the light along the walls and stopped. "Ana, look."

He pointed the beam on a section of boulder that was covered in a painting. It was like a cave painting; a crude airplane was in the clouds; then three long black tentacles snaked from the ocean, breaking the plane into three pieces; the three pieces were thrown across an island. Jack looked closer at the plane; painted on the tail was a large O and the numbers 815.

Ana was pale. "Jesus." She looked up at Jack, who was just was wan as she was. "Let's get out of here, Jack." He nodded and they turned to leave the cave.

A long, lanky shadow fell across it, blocking the little bit of moonlight in the entrance and Ana cringed as she heard its voice. "Hey, Officer Cortez. How ya been?" The shadow materialized in front of her and Jason sneered out of the darkness; Ana gasped at his horibly disfigured face. "Me? I've been a little down. About six feet, to be exact." He loomed larger and she couldn't breathe, she couldn't speak. "Thanks to you."

The shock was dissipating quickly and she caught her breath, snapping, "You shot me. You killed my baby." She stepped up to him, snarling, "You got what you deserved. I'm not sorry."

He leered at her and chuckled, it was earthy, like his throat was full of dirt. "You will be, Cortez. You will be." Glancing at Jack, he said, "Better watch her, man. She's violent. Hell, Officer, I was already dead after the first three bullets." He gestured to his face. "You didn't have to blow my mug into mush with another three."

Terror was gripping Ana but she was used to it; fear was a daily companion on the streets of Los Angeles. You got over it. "What do you want, McCormack? I did what I did. Can't change it." Smirking at him through her fright, she said, "Wouldn't change it if I could."

"Hmph," he snorted, and he leaned close enough for her to see the ragged edges of his flesh where her bullets had torn away his skin. "You may change your tune, baby,when you see what's coming, and I'll be around when you do." He leered at her, running what was left of his eyes over her as he said, "Too bad we met under such rotten circumstances, sweetheart, 'cause you _are_ hot. I should have nailed you instead of shooting you." Smirking at her one last time he disappeared into the shadows.

Ana was afraid to look at Jack; she was afraid it had been a hallucination. "Ana? Are you okay? Who was that?"

Relief flooded her. "You could see him? And hear him?"

"Yeah, why?"

She shook her head weakly; her heart was still beating madly against her ribs. "I thought I was seeing things." She swallowed hard. "I thought I was going crazy."

Jack shrugged, then hugged her. "You said it, Ana. Crazy is normal."

She sighed shakily and leaned against him. "Let's go, please. I think a church is a good place for me tonight."

"Okay." He kissed her softly, then taking her hand, led her back to the chapel.

-----

Sawyer looked at the pouch and Kate noticed with chagrin that he stuck the letter back into his pocket, though she wasn't sure if it was on purpose or just a habit. She didn't say anything; he would do it sooner or later, she just hoped for sooner. "What is that, James?"

He opened it and dumped the contents onto his hand; two smooth, polished stones tumbled out, one black, one white. And a small metal figure; Kate picked it up, her eyes widening as she held it up in a beam of moonlight. "Wow, look at this."

It was a bronze owl, about four inches high, but it wasn't just a lump of shaped and molded metal; It was fully articulated, every part of it moved like a real owl. The head turned, the eyes blinked, the claws opened and closed, the wings flapped; even every feather was an individual sliver of bronze attatched to the frame.  
As Kate set it up on her hand the feathers slid into place with a soft metallic swish and the eyes blinked open, glowing a soft blue in the moonlight. She shivered a little; it almost looked like it was alive.

"Neat," Sawyer said, obviously uninterested. "What's with these stones? Didn't you find some just like these in the drains?" He held them out for her to see.

She was still fascinated by the owl, and she nodded absently. "Yeah," she said, playing with the tiny metal wings, "It was on the dead guy's wrist-" she stopped, something dawning on her. Handing the owl carefully to Sawyer, she grabbed her pack and started going through it, finally pulling out a raggedy, folded up piece of paper. "Sawyer," she said, forgetting in her excitement to call him James, "let me see the badge, from the drains."

He noticed she didn't call him James and he sulked a little; he loved for her to use his name. Nobody else though. He reached into his back pocket and pulled out the security card, handing it to Kate, who opened up the paper and scanned down it. "What's that?"

She frowned at him, a little; she hadn't planned on showing him this if she could help it. "Manifest from the plane we found." She smiled as she read the last name on the list. "Look." She held the paper so her hand covered up the top half of the names. "Number 23."

He read it, and shrugged. "Yeah? Who the hell is Charles Wallace?"

She held out the badge. The geeky guy with red hair and glasses stared back up at him, and Sawyer looked up in amazement at Kate as he read the name below the photo. "Charles Wallace." His awestruck eyes went to her, and he gazed at her, smiling. "How did you put that together, Freckles?"

She shrugged, smiling, and folded the manifest up again, slipping it into her pack before Sawyer could decide that he wanted to look at the rest of it. Out of sight, out of mind. "I don't know. Weird though, how did a guy on a prison plane end up with a Dharma security badge with his name on it? And what was he doing in the drains?"

Sawyer was suddenly tired; the day had been emotionally and physically exhausting, and now, as he tried to wrap his head around the new developments it started to pound. ""Ugh, this place sucks." He put his hand to his eyes, rubbing them; he'd have to ask Sayid for another pair of glasses when they got back to the camp, they bothered him sometimes even when he wasn't reading. "Come on, Freckles, ain't you tired?"

"Yeah, I am." Suddenly she was; she sagged lightly against him, and he slid the stones and the owl carefully into the pouch and handed them to Kate, who zipped them quickly into her pack. He hugged her to him, briefly, and nodded towards the garden. "Wanna sleep out there?"

Kate eyed the bumpy stone floor and her eyes wandered to the pews; they were narrow but they looked a lot more comfortable than the ground, and they were certainly more comfortable than sleeping outside with Jack, Ana and Cassidy. "No, James," she said, pointing to the benches, "We can pull two of those together."

He smiled and they each went to an end of one of the pews; they were heavy and they grunted a little as the bench finally gave way and slid up against another, making a little bed with just enough room for them to lay side by side.

Kate crawled in first and Sawyer came behind her, wrapping her up in his arms as they closed their eyes. Her hair still smelled like the flowers, and as they drifted off it was the last thing he remembered; his dreams were filled with riotous colors and blooming flowers and Kate, happy and joyous among them.

-----

Cassidy was still awake when Vincent and Eko finally returned; she was exhausted but her mind kept grinding on, trying to make sense of the past few days.

She'd been in Australia because she'd heard that was where Sawyer had gone; his friend Hibbs had clued her in to return a favor. When she got there she learned he'd been deported two moths earlier; damn Hibbs. She stayed to run a few cons, though, Sydney was chock full of idiots with a lot of money; one had gotten her in a scrape with the law and, rather than take commercial travel, she opted to buy her way to freedom by hitching a ride with a fishing trawler; they couldn't take her far, but they could get her out of the country. But something went wrong; they ended up in the middle of the ocean, navigation equipment out and then everything went black. She woke up, facedown in the sand on this craphole island, only to find Sawyer anyway. What a coincidence.

She kept her eyes closed, pretending to sleep; when she thought it was safe she opened them; Eko was sleeping, curled up next to the fire, but Vincent was awake, lying feet from her, his eyes glowing in the firelight as he growled softly, menacingly at her. She glared at him, feeling silly; it was a _dog_.

Something whispered in her ear; inside of her ear. _He's not just a dog._

It didn't startle her, in fact, she didn't take her gaze from Vicent. "What is he? she thought, and the voice answered, _That is not important. It is time._

Something shifted in her and she felt cold fire spreading through her. Smiling to herself, she gazed at Vincent and her eyes began to glow red; he gazed back for a minute, then he whimpered and crawled away to lay beside Eko.

Cassidy lay back and stared at the stars as they bagan to fade. She didn't need to sleep.


	71. Chapter 71

**Chapter 71**  
It was a tense group that gathered outside of the chapel the next morning; Sawyer and Kate tried to avoid Cassidy completely, staying as far away as possible, though she watched Sawyer with a smoldering gaze everywhere he went. It was irritating Kate a lot and only Sawyer's restraining hand kept her from kicking the crap out of her again. He thought about letting her do it; not because of Cassidy so much, though that was a part of it, but watching Kate kick someone's ass kind of turned him on. As long as it wasn't his ass.

Vincent dogged Sawyer's heels, jumping and barking agitatedly; Sawyer kept pushing him away, because nothing he was saying was making sense and everyone was staring suspiciously at them, especially Cassidy. He glanced up at her and their eyes met; they were _red_ and he looked away quickly. Something had her.

Eko finally came to the rescue, snapping, "Vincent! Enough!" He stopped his agitated barking and whining; with a sadly drooping tail he sat down, looking depressed.

Cassidy smiled, and moved towards Vincent; he didn't growl or bare his teeth, instead he whimpered and edged closer to Sawyer, pushing so hard against the back of his legs he almost knocked him over. "Damn, dog, what is wrong with you?" Sawyer finally snapped. Looking up to see Cassidy's eyes on him again he shrugged angrily and snapped at Locke, "Are we goin' somewhere or not?"

Locke smiled and nodded. "The Eagle Hatch is on this side of the mountains; I think that may be our best bet." He wanted to see if his suspicion about the hatch was correct; was it an air surveillance compound to watch the skies for planes like the Shark Hatch watched the ocean for ships? He hoped it was; he wanted to see the place that was responsible for bringing him to the island, that called the portal to let them in.

Everyone agreed, for once; they all set off in a southeasterly direction, hoping to intersect the mountains in rougly the center of the ridge; according to the map that was where the entrance was, if they could find it. And if they could open it. Jack wasn't about to walk all the way across the island carrying sticks of dynamite again.

He stuck close to Ana, though they didn't touch. They hadn't told anyone about the spring, or the caves; it was something just between them and they wanted to keep it that way. Locke smiled to himself as he watched them; Jack was different somehow; the agitation and hostility was gone and he didn't try to take control of the situation, he didn't care if the plan was messy, or even that it was Locke's plan. He was...going with the flow.

Kate and Sawyer trailed, as usual; Vincent padded quietly next to Sawyer, woofing softly under his breath so only Sawyer could hear, though he didn't answer, just nodded a little. Kate waited until Vincent finished and trotted up to Eko, who was walking aside from everyone else, lost in his own thoughts. She turned to him, and he smiled sadly, hugging her tight. "What is it? What's wrong?"

He sighed, sorrow etched on his face and he didn't answer for a minute as he stared at Cassidy's back; she was talking to Locke at the front of the pack and his fingers clutched into Kate's side as he finally spoke. "He said the island has her. He noticed last night. That's why he's scared of her; she's...she's fallen." He nodded. "I saw it too, earlier." His voice was suddenly hoarse as he said, "Kate, they'll come after you, too, to use you against me. Stay beside me, no matter what." His hands went around her waist and he hugged her close as she closed her eyes and lowered her head against his shoulder.

They were quiet for a minute as they walked; the jungle was quiet in the early morning sun, only the soft chittering of birds and the low sleepy hoot of an owl in the shadowy trees and their own footsteps disturbed the peace. "I wonder what she asked the island for?" Kate mused to herself, barely even realizing she'd said it out loud.

Sawyer chuckled, but it was a little bitter. "My head on a silver platter, probably." He smiled down at Kate's upturned face and he kissed her forehead gently. "Or yours."

"Or both." It sent a chill through him to contemplate what that implied; since his and Kate's reunion he had become _wiser_ in a way, he knew what it was going to be like to lose her and he vowed to do what he had to so that it would never happen again She smiled at him and the day was suddenly very warm.

Cassidy was walking next to Locke; she felt a curious sort of kinship with him. The Island owned them both, though in different ways; it owned her in cold revenge, but John's slavery was a little less harsh. She finally asked, "John, what did you mean yesterday, when you said that 'Life is better with eyes open, that you can _see_?"

He smiled, still walking, and she didn't think he was going to answer for a minute; he finally spoke, "I was asleep, too, in the real world. I lived in a box, I worked in a box; I coudn't _see_ past the cardboard walls to the rest of my life, you know?" She nodded, a little uncertainly, and he continued. "This place is heaven, Cassidy. It is beauty, and redemption, and desire; anything you've ever wanted can be had for the asking." He hesitated. "We are all here for a reason. What that reason is depends on each individual person; but I can _see_, Cass, and I know why the Island brought you here."

She nodded. "Yes. And what reason is that?"

"This is Heaven, but the Devil is knocking at the gate; if he gets in, we will fall." He fell silent.

"So what does that have to do with me?" He crinkled his eyes, pushing aside some branches so Cassidy could walk through.

"Do you know where the term siren song came from?" She shook her head. "In Greek mythology, the sirens were beautiful women with the legs and musical talents of birds, though over the years they lost their bird-like features, except for the musical part, and just became beautiful women. Anyway, the Sirens lived on an Island in the Mediterranean, Sirenius, and they would use heavenly music to lure sailors into the cliffs, wrecking their ships and drowning them. One played the lute, one played the harp, and the third sang; no man could hear their music and pass them by; the island was littered with the bones of countless sailors and countless ships." Cassidy liked the way this was going so far, and she listened raptly. "Odysseus, being the intrepid adventurer he was, learned from the witch Circe that if he stopped the crew's ears with beeswax they could pass safely by because they would not be tempted by the music. So they did, but Odysseus was determined to hear their song, so he ordered himself lashed to the mast of the ship, and as they passed by the sirens sang, 'Come closer, Odysseus, and bring your ship that you may hear our voices. No man has ever heard us who has not gone on a happier and wiser man. By the will of the Gods men suffer, but we know all that will happen on this friuitful earth'. He struggled against his bonds, to follow the beautiful promises in the music but they held fast, and the ship sailed by unharmed."

"What happened to the sirens?"

Locke smiled sadly. "They had let a ship get by the Island and a man had heard their song and lived. In despair the Sirens threw themselves into the ocean and were never seen again." He glanced at Cassidy, who was looking a little dubious, and he smiled. "You are his siren song, Cassidy. You have to tempt him againt the rocks; sink his fragile ship. You can't let him get past the Island."

She was a little shaken, but she knew what she had to do; she had known anyway, since the Island spoke to her the night before. The Island was _in_ her, posessing her, telling her what to do. She had asked for something and the sacrifice would be dear; anything was worth his suffering, though, and she was going to enjoy watching him in agony. "Obviously, John," she flared, and her eyes glowed bright red. "I don't really want to have to throw myself into the ocean."

John leaned in confidentially, making sure no one was in earshot. "You know what to do, right?" He jerked his head back towards Kate and Sawyer.

Her eyes flared a brighter bloodred and her voice changed a little; it was deeper and rough as she said, "Yes, I know what to do."


	72. Chapter 72

**Chapter 72**  
The group stopped for a break while the hot afternoon sun blazed down on them; they all flopped down in the shade, taking long drinks and resting as their sweat cooled in the shadows. The tension was as thick as the humid air, it could almost be touched; the divisions between them were as clear as ever, almost like an invisible line had been drawn through the glade, and none of them dared cross to the other side of the line.

Something was coming and they all knew it; the jungle was silent under the weight of anticipation. Sawyer's senses were sparking and grinding into gear; as Kate rested her hand on his chest he felt a surge of power flow through him; he was ready for whatever was coming. He hoped Kate was, though he wasn't sure; he could feel her trembling as her emotions flowed through him. She was scared. "It's okay, Freckles," he said gently, "Just stay beside me, okay?"

He touched her and a gentle spark made her smile as she nodded. "Okay." She looked up at him and swallowed hard. "I'm scared, James."

Touching her cheek gently, he said, "I know, baby. I am too. But we'll be fine, you and me, okay?"

She nodded and whispered, "Okay."

Vincent padded to her and snuffled her ear gently, and she laughed, pushing him away. "Eeww. Quit it." But she smiled and scratched his ears as he panted happily, wagging his tail at Sawyer.

"See? Even Vincent says we'll be fine." He chuckled and scratched Vincent's ears.

Kate rolled her eyes, grinning. "Well, as long as _Vincent_ says so..." She slid her water bottle back into her pack and her eyes fell on the pouch; she pulled out the bronze owl and studied it; now that it was in the light she was even more amazed at the detail and painstaking care with which it was put together. She played with it gently, ruffling the tiny feathers and playing with the claws. It fascinated her.

Eko noticed her studying something and he moved closer, glancing at the other side of the glade; Locke and Cassidy were talking and Jack and Ana were wrapped up in each other, ignoring everyone else. Satisfied, Eko turned to Kate and smiled, holding out his hand. "May I?"

Kate handed it to him, smiling as he nodded appreciatively at the figure. "We found it in the chapel."

"It is beautiful," he said, and he handed it back to Kate, smiling. "Owls are a very good omen."

Sawyer shook his head. "Not in Tennessee. Owls are bad luck there. Old country superstitions, I guess."

Eko grinned. "When you think of an owl, what comes to mind? The wise old owl, the sage of the forest. Athene, the Greek Goddess of Wisdom was impressed by the solemn mein and the giant eyes of the Owl; she thought he looked distinguished and wise, and so she adopted him as her favorite feathered creature. It was believed that the Owl's incredible night vision was the a gift from Athene; that she gave him a magical inner light that allowed him to see better than any other, even in the blackest night." He looked meaningfully at Sawyer, and Kate smiled, touching Sawyer's knee; he felt another surge of power and his skin thrummed beneath her hand. "As the symbol of Athene, whose wisdom protected them all, the Owl was revered as a guardian and they even accompanied armies into battle, as adornments on the shields and armor of the soldiers." He paused and nodded, "If an Owl flew over the soldiers before battle they would shout for joy, because they were assured of victory."

He held the figure gently, then holding it close to his mouth, he hooted softly and it sprang to life, its eyes opening and its wings clacking as it shook them experimentally. Kate and Sawyer exchaged glances then laughed at the other's slack- jawed expressions. The tiny owl hooted softly; it sounded like a wavery whistle, and he hopped off of Eko's hand and flew uncertainly onto Kate's outstretched fingers. He hopped up her arm, his little claws leaving tiny red marks and he stopped on her shoulder, hooting softly in her ear and blinking his little eyes at her. They still glowed a soft blue.

She gazed lovingly at the little bird as it ruffled its feathers happily and hopped down her arm to Sawyer's knee, where it hooted and whistled before flying off into the jungle.

Sawyer watched it go with a smile, then he turned to Kate and his smile widedned; she was watching the owl go, too, and she looked so sad and forlorn that he chuckled, squeezing her hand. "He'll be back, Freckles. He just wanted to fly free for a while."

Kate smiled, and said softly, "Yeah, I guess I can understand that."

Eko placed his hand on Sawyer's and said, "They are coming, James. Now, soon. They are already here." He nodded at Cassidy, who turned and saw them staring; she smiled and her eyes glowed. "No one will be able to help you, James. This will all be up to you." He stood, and paused, smiling at them; they looked like deer caught in the headlights of a car; frozen in fear and indecision. "Good luck, James. Be strong, remember _no matter what_ that Kate loves you, and only you. Understand?" Sawyer nodded, suddenly terrified; what were They going to do? His hand clutched hers and she squeezed back, his fright scaring her even more. Eko smiled one last time and walked off, calling Vincent, leaving them alone to prepare themselves.

They didn't speak for a few moments; they didn't need to, their bodies were tuned into each other and the words weren't necessary. He held her hand, staring at it, studying it; she traced her hand up and down his thigh. Looking up at her, he finally spoke. "I love you, Kate, no matter what happens, I want you to know that." There was so much more he wanted to say but he didn't know how. His silvery tongue turned to lead; like he said, it's easier to say it when you don't mean it, and what he wanted to tell her... he meant every word of it.

"Oh, James," she said, gazing at him, her hand clutching his thigh, "I love you, too. Only you."

This could be it, he thought. That could be the last thing she says to me, that could be the last time she touches me. Whatever I have to do, I'll do it. Whatever it takes. Please don't let it be the last time.

The jungle went silent, as if a blanket had been thrown over it; even the sun was blocked out, casting the jungle into hazy twilight. Cassidy stood, her eyes glowing eerily bright red in the dusky gray light; she touched Jack and Ana and they froze, immobile; she touched Locke and he stopped in place, rising from the ground. She grabbed Eko and Vincent before they could move, freezing them both in mid-stride. Kate and Sawyer watched her- she moved like lightning, turning all of the others into mannequins in a matter of seconds.

That left the three of them, and as Sawyer reached for Kate's hand she was jerked away; he spun around to find Frank holding her, _touching her_; it drove Sawyer to a frenzy to see his skin rubbing against hers while he tied her hands and dragged her over beside Cassidy. He could feel the sparks building and he said, "Let her go."

Cassidy smiled coldly, her eyes flaring. "Or what?"

"Or I'll take you to afternoon tea. What the hell do you think? LET HER GO!" A wild blue spark shot from his fingers and Kate screamed as Frank jumped, jerking her backwards and wrenching her arms. Smoke curled from a scorched hole in Frank's shirt and he winced as he looked at the black burn beneath it.

Cassidy nodded. "Hmmmm. Interesting." Staring at Sawyer for a minute, she closed her eyes and touched Kate's shoulder. Kate screamed, writhing in agony against her bonds as red-hot pain shot through her shoulder; it was on fire, burning to ashes and Sawyer jumped forward, but Kate saw him through her tears and screamed "NO! James, don't!"

He stopped and regained himself- he was playing into their hands. He'd always known that they would use Kate and he'd tried to prepare for it but there was nothing to get him ready for her agonizing screams; they tore him into pieces. "Stop!" he shouted, trying to keep control. "STOP!"

Cassidy removed her hand and Kate slumped against her bonds, sagging almost to the ground. Her eyes were red and she was pale; but she lifted her clammy, sweaty face to Sawyer and smiled. "Good job, James."

What do I do? he wondered. How do I stop this?

"How do you stop what, _James_?" He flared as Cassidy used his name, then stopped as he saw Kate glare at her with disgust.

"Don't call him that, bitch."

Cassidy smiled at Kate as if she were a naughty child that needed a lesson; she obliged by touching Kate again, smiling serenely as she grunted with the effort to keep from crying out; she writhed against the agony, twisting in Frank's hands and he smiled with pleasure, looking at Sawyer as her thrashing body rubbed against his.

This was torture; to see her, contorted in pain and he coudn't do anything to stop it. His teeth were about to crack; he was grinding them so hard he could feel them groan in their sockets. Kate finally screamed, and Cassidy lifted her hand, nodding. "Everyone can be broken." She smiled at Sawyer, her eyes glowing maniacally; his stomach dropped. It wasn't Cassidy in those eyes; she was gone. It was something that had taken her _on_, wearing her like skin, using her life and memories to its own ends. It was the Island, controlling her, using her, destroying her.

He understood, suddenly; he _was_ the Island too; he had used her, controlled her and ultimately destroyed her; he had manifested this and the guilt hit him like a brick. He shoved it aside, swallowing it; what mattered now was Kate, Cassidy was gone, and he had to live with that, but he couldn't- he _wouldn't_ lose Kate for it.

The thought of her gave him life and confidence. He wasn't afraid, not anymore. He stepped up, smiling cockily and said, "Not everyone, sweetcheeks."

Cassidy nodded, her eyes just soft embers; soft, swirling darkness flowed down on them, as torches sprang to life all around them. "We'll see," she said softly, and her smile was like biting on tinfoil.


	73. Chapter 73

**Chapter 73**

Cassidy turned to Kate and stared into her eyes; the glowing red orbs began to spin and shimmer, almost hypnotically. Kate started to drift into them; they were beautiful, she couldn't resist. From a distance she heard Sawyer shouting for her to close her eyes, but she couldn't. "I have gained a lot since I came to this island, Sawyer," Cassidy said, still staring into Kate's eyes, "But the ability to see into a person's heart is by far the most useful."

He weighed his options; he couldn't kill Frank, that was what they wanted. He could go for Cassidy, but he wasn't sure exactly what he would be up against and caution was probably best for now; plus, he was afraid Frank would kill Kate if he attacked. So he ground his teeth and waited for the opportunity he needed. Kate was scaring him, too, she was blank and slack, like a puppet being held up by its strings and he wondered what the hell Cassidy had done to her. His stomach turned to ice. "Oh, really?"

"Yes," she said. "For instance, I can tell you what is really in her heart." She pointed to Kate, who was staring off into space. "Do you want to know how she really feels? I can show it to you, just like this." She snapped her fingers and Kate began to walk towards him, blindly; abruptly she turned and walked to Jack, and at her touch he woke. She kissed him.

Sawyer's knees went weak and he almost fell, catching himself at the last second and straightening up even though it felt like someone was ripping his heart out. It was a trick, he knew it, but Kate was _kissing_ Jack, for God's sake, how was he supposed to stand that? He gasped for air, his lungs were constricted, and he turned away from them, eyes watering as he choked, Get it together, James, and he felt his strength returning a little; glancing at Cassidy, he turned his eyes back to Kate and Jack, forcing himself to look. "It's not true." His voice wavered and he gazed at Kate, her lips on Jack's as his hands slid into her hair.

Cassidy smiled. "You don't sound so sure. You can stop it, you know, you can _own_ Jack, make him your bitch if you want."

He tore his eyes from Kate and laughed coldly. "Jack is already my bitch. It's not true. She loves me." His voice was stronger; saying the words aloud invigorated him. He suddenly realized that Kate was no longer in Frank's grasp, seeing her with Jack had driven reason from his mind; he mustered all of the elecricity he could and sent a blue bolt directly at Cassidy's chest; she flung her hands out and a red light blocked it, sending it off into the trees, barely missing Kate as it flashed away.

She was suddenly in front of him, and she was Cassidy again. She flashed her dimples at him, sweetly, and she touched her hand to his chest, gently. "Sawyer," she whispered, her eyes normal and sane, "I still love you." Her touch intoxicated him and he couldn't look away, he grasped desperately at images of Kate as she slipped out of his mind; Cassidy was touching him, caressing him, and he responded; he couldn't help it. He was trying to remember someone, who was it? Kate? Kate who? He forgot completely as Cassidy kissed him, her hands touching his face gently. He loved her, he always had. He groaned as he felt her push against him, and he kissed her hard, drawing her against him hungrily. The shower, he was in a towel, brushing his teeth, Cassidy came out of the shower and drew him in. The memory was so sweet, so real he could almost touch it and he loved her, more than he had ever loved Ka-

"Kate!" He snapped out of the trance he was in, jerking away from Cassidy in horror as he saw Kate's eyes on him already. She was still in Jack's arms, neither one semed to realize it and Sawyer got it; they were still _away_ no one home, please come again. He sighed with relief, a little, he didn't want Kate to remember any of this.

Cassidy was furious and the red glow flared in her eyes again. Cassidy was gone and something else was back; she held out her hand towards the still slack Kate and she lifted into the air, rotating gently; Sawyer froze as Cassidy grinned. "Useful, huh?"

"She don't have anything to do with this, Cass. Let her go." Kate dropped several feet, almost hitting the ground before Sawyer reacted, holding out his own hand to catch her in midair, where she hung, inches from the ground. He beckoned to himself amd she flew towards him, only to be stopped by Cassidy, who was smiling gleefully.

"Well, well, where did you learn that, Sawyer?" She stood easily, relaxed as she held Kate suspended in place.

"I was about to ask you the same thing, darlin'." His confidence returned again as he felt the power flow through him; even in her catatonic state she gave him energy just with her presence.

"I created this power," she said, snorting at Sawyer. "I control this power."

He jerked hard at Kate's body and she flew to him a few feet, but Cassidy brought her to a stop and she swung gently back between them. "Where's Cassidy?"

She laughed. "Cassidy? She's dead, my friend, or as good as. Unfortunate side effect of possession; they generally die afterwards." She looked at him knowingly. "Not even _you_ can save her."

He glared at her. "How do you know that?"

She smiled, her red eyes glowing brighter. "I know you are a healer, Sawyer. I know everything. The Island knows all, it sees all, and I _am_ the Island." she waved her fingers in front of him. "I'm a healer too. I seem to remember a bullet hole right about here-" she touched his shoulder and he screamed as it came back to him; the darkness, the burning as Walt's hand touched his shoulder.

"Walt?" He stopped screaming as she removed her hand and the burn faded. "Walt? Is that you?"

She looked thoughtful. "Yes, I suppose I used to be called Walt. Now I am something more." She smiled wryly at him. "You are too. Something more. And not Sawyer anymore either, _James_."

He smiled grimly, shaking his head. "No. I am only James for one person. _You_ can call me Sawyer." He enjoyed the cold satisfaction it gave him to be Sawyer right now; he wanted to be full of hate and anger. "Let her go, Walt. She's nothing to you, it's me you want, right?"

"Yes," Cassidy laughed, and Kate dropped a few inches, teasingly. "But what better way to get to you?" Kate began to spin, faster and faster and Saywer was sick with fear; he tried to stop her but Cassidy was too strong.

"What? What do you want?" He was desperate; grasping at straws, anything to keep her from hurting Kate. "What do you want from me?"

"I want you." She smiled. "You are powerful, Sawyer. You and I together could make this place a paradise. You could have whatever you wanted for the asking."

The offer was tempting; anything he ever wanted for the asking, but it just didn't sit right. If it seems to good to be true, it is. He should know. But I could be a new person, start over, he thought. I already am a new man, he answered himself, and Kate is the only thing I want. I don't need anything else. I'm already in paradise. "No, thanks, kiddo. I think I'll pass."

Cassidy flared. "It's not a request. I will hurt her if you don't."

His heart froze but he didn't show it; the con artist was taking over, working to stall until he could figure out what to do. He heard a flutter of wings and a small golden ball flitted by, chittering in a wavery whistle of a song; Sawyer watched it go by and smiled to himself. Help was on the way.

"Why me?" he asked, though he didn't really listen to the answer; his ears were tuned into the jungle, listening. Then he heard it; a low rumble that sounded like a helicopter flying by. Suddenly the hazy air was filled with a thousand battering wings as every bird in the jungle for a mile descended on Cassidy and Frank, covering them with pecks and claws as they fought to get away from the flapping throng. Kate dropped as Cassidy used her energy on the birds; Sawyer caught her and untied her hands quickly; at his touch she snapped out of her daze and said, blearily, "What's goin' on?"

He whispered urgently, "Not now, baby, I will tell you later, ok?" She nodded and watched the birds.

Frank ran, finally disentangling himself from the birds; Sawyer let him go. It wasn't his time yet. He concentrated on Cassidy; angry red light shot through the birds, blowing them off of her, though none of them seemed hurt. They flapped back at her, but she sparked them again and they flew away; as she looked up a log came hurtling through the air at her, before she could react it slammed into her, throwing her against a tree trunk and crushing her between them. She gazed at Sawyer, who was standing, dumbfounded, looking at his hands and the space where the log had been lying a few seconds earlier.

He and Kate both stared in horror at Cassidy; she was gasping for breath as blood bubbled from her lips; as they watched a black cloud flickered away from her, zipping into the jungle. She was pale and when the cloud left her she sagged, empty and broken. Sawyer touched her face gently; it was _Cassidy_ and he was suddenly so sad; his heart was breaking because it was all his fault. She gazed up at him, smiling and he sobbed, "I'm sorry, Cass. I'm sorry for everything. I loved you, I really did, but I was a bastard who didn't know _how_ to love. You opened the door for me, Cassidy, you gave me my first taste of what love could be, and for that I am forever thankful to you."

She smiled and her hand took his, gripping it weakly. "I'm sorry too, Sawyer." She was fading; her voice was barely a whisper. "It's okay. I'm glad you could find happiness with someone." She squeezed his hand, softly, so softly he could barely feel it. "I always loved you, even after you...you made me happy for a while and some happiness is better than none." She smiled and her dimples flared weakly. "I'm glad I got to see you one more time. At least I got that." Her eyes were fading, and Sawyer suddenly put his hands on her, willing her to heal; he pictured it, pictured her whole, and happy; Kate joined him, crying as she touched him, lending him whatever strength she could. His mind strained, trying his hardest but it was too late; her eyes were cold and dead.

He bent his head to hers and kissed her, his tears smearing the blood on her face. Kate held him and they sobbed together as the darkness lifted and life returned to the jungle.


	74. Chapter 74

**Chapter 75**  
Kate and Sawyer wrapped Cassidy's body up gently in the blanket Sawyer had been carrying around; he picked her shrouded figure up in his arms and he and Kate went into the jungle to bury her; nobody else asked and no one was invited. He only wanted Kate.

He found a glade a mile or so away with a tiny stream and waterfall running through it and he set Cassidy down carefully, rearranging the blanket around her with tender care. Kate watched him, her heart breaking for him; he had killed a woman he loved. They had something else in common, now.

She went to him, wrapping her arms around his waist and leaning against his chest; she could feel his heart beating and it gave her strength and she knew they were still alive, still okay. His hands went to hair, stroking it gently as he stared at the lumpy blanket; the image of Kate under that blanket, cold and broken came unbidden into his mind and he unconciously pulled her closer, pressing his lips to the top of her head.

He was tired; he felt gray and drawn, like he had aged a hundred years in the last hours and not all of it was Cassidy's death. The powers weakened him, too, they used up his energy and not even Kate could replenish them; he needed rest. But he had a job to do first; Cass needed to be laid to rest, and he had to do it. He killed her, twice; the first time he killed her spirit and the second her body and now he _owned_ her. She was his responsibility. He stood, staring at the ground in shock; he didn't know where or how to begin.

Kate took his hand, smiling, and she said, "Move the earth, Sawyer."

He shook his head, still staring sadly at the blanket. "I need to do it myself, no powers."

Kate touched his cheek and whispered, "You have those powers for a reason, James. And I can't think of a better reason than to bury the woman you loved."

He suddenly gripped her, holding her to him with such force that she felt glued to him; they could never be pried apart without ripping part of the other away too. "Don't say that, Kate." He hesitated, then waved his hand slowly, lifting a clod of earth out of the ground and dropping it to the side as Kate smiled and held him to her, giving him everything she could.

Handful by handful the dirt piled up beside Cassidy's grave and when it was finally deep enough he stopped, staring quietly at the hole, Kate's hand in his. "Do you want me to help you?"

"No, Kate. I can do it." He kissed her forehead and let go of her hand, picking Cassidy up gently in his arms and sliding down into the grave.

Tears rolled down her face as he hugged Cassidy to him, kissing the blanket where her lips were and leaning his head against her, whispering into the cloth. He laid her softly into the dirt and with one last look he climbed out, taking Kate's hand to help him up.

He picked up a handful of dirt and held it out over the grave, then he let it drop; the patter of the earth on her body made him burst into tears; Kate held him as he cried and he waved his hand angrily and the pile of dirt began flowing back into the grave, covering Cassidy up.

She stroked his skin as his sobs subsided; he looked at her with wet lshes and red eyes and she smiled at him, wiping away a tear; he kissed her, hungrily, pushing away the misery and guilt that threatened to overwhelm him. His tears wet her face as she returned his kiss, needing him, too; the battle had been won but it was just one in the war. How many more times would they be tormented like this? Would _he_ be tortured like this?

His hands were all over her, beneath her shirt, in her hair, and she felt how he _needed_ her; he was alone and only she could help him. He was becoming more insistent and she matched his urgency, pulling him with her to the ground; they rolled around frantically for a few minutes, trying to undress each other; finally they were bare, stretched together on the bank of the stream, and she gasped as he rocked into her, holding her mouth to his. She lifted to meet him, thrusting her hips against his and he groaned as she gripped his shoulders, leaving long red scratches when she finally strained and cried out, quivering as he shuddered with her and they collapsed together, spent and shaking.

Flowing water and wind and their satisfied panting were the only sounds; even the insects were quiet as Kate lay her sweaty face against Sawyer's shoulder, caressing his chest as he smiled at her, kissing her freckly nose. The sun filtered through the trees, dappling the ground and their naked bodies, blending them into the jungle. "She was from Iowa, you know," he said suddenly, looking askance at Kate. "Small world, huh?"

Kate nodded. "Yeah." Her hand lazily traced circles on his sweaty, dirty skin. "Is she the one you conned when you saw me at the bus station?" She felt him tense a little and she hung her head. "Never mind."

"Yeah, she was." He rolled over on his side and she laughed at the leaves and dirt that stuck to his wet body. He gave her a disgusted look as she tried to brush some of it off. "Quit." he looked thoughtful and sad, then he smiled at her. "You have always been there to save me, Kate. After Cassidy I was so disgusted with what I had done that I seriously thought about killing myself." He shook his head at her horrified look. "Don't tell me you haven't thought about it too, Freckles. Loneliness is a bitch." She nodded; she couldn't keep anything from him. "Then I saw you, and you had such...spirit, and you were so goddamn beautiful that I couldn't even contemplate doing it. You saved me then." He nodded as she frowned. "Then, after the crash, I was considering it again. I did..." he stopped, pain clouding his eyes and Kate touched his cheek gently, encouraging him to go on. "I killed a man in Australia; I thought it was Frank Sawyer but I was set up; it wasn't him. I killed an innocent man for my own selfish reasons. I wnated to die. When the plane crashed and I was still alive I cursed God because he didn't take me too; then I saw you again. And just like before, I didn't want to do it anymore."

Kate kissed him, tasting his sweaty lips and he let out a little groan. "I'm glad you didn't, James."

"Yeah, me too," he said softly sighing as he gazed at her. "Don't you get it, Kate? We were meant to be together, you were meant to save me. You've been doing it all along and you didn't even know."

Her eyes were shining softly as she asked, "And what were you meant to do for me, Cowboy?"

He kissed her, gently, reveling in the feel of her next to him. His guilt as sorrow over Cassidy faded some and Kate shone through, brightening him and energizing his spirit. "Love you, Kate," he whispered into her ear, "I've been doing it all along and I didn't even know."


	75. Chapter 75

Kate and Sawyer didn't return to camp that night; after they made love Kate led him into the tiny stream and gently bathed him, washing away the dirt and the leaves and the pain and hurt of the day with her cool, gentle fingers. She touched the scars on his back from the whip; they had healed well but there were long crisscrossong stripes of scar tissue and Kate traced her fingers along them, remembering what Sawyer had done for her.

"Some scars never fade, Freckles," he said as she ran her fingers along his spine, giving him goosebumps. "I guess I'll always have those."

She hugged him from behind, her skin warm against his wet body; Her arms went around his waist and he grabbed her hands, holding them to his chest as she rested her chin on his shoulder. "I hope you do, Tex. They mean something to me."

He smiled and squeezed her hands; she drew away and resumed washing the dirt from him. He hesitated, then said, "Kate, it was Walt." He felt her hands stop as they were drizzling water over his shoulders and she drew her breath in sharply, and he continued, "He was possessing her. But it wasn't IWalt/I, you know?"

Kate didn't, really, but she said, "Yeah, I think."

"Liar." He was quiet for a minute and Kate smiled silently to herself; he knew her too well. "He's stronger than me, and he can do all of the things I can. You saw the red light, when...Cass," he choked on her name a little, "was shootin' the birds away. And this," he waved his hand and lifted a small stone from the bank of the stream, "he can do this, too." He turned to her, pressing his body against hers and snaking his arms around her waist; she gazed up at him, her eyes somber as he frowned. "And he can heal. It was him- he healed the bullet wound in my shoulder."

Kate was still a little stunned by the fact that this was all Walt, and now Sawyer was piling more on. "He healed the bullet wound so they could half beat you to death?" She shook her head. "You know, I didn't totally believe you," he looked hurt and she grinned, "but that sounds like kid logic all the way."

He put his hands on her shoulders and held her at arm's length, staring into her eyes with an intensity that frightened her a little; he saw the fear and he relaxed a tiny bit, speaking gently. "Listen, Kate. There are two sides to everything, right? You, you have a light side and a dark side, I have them, you and I, we're two sides of the same coin, right? Light and dark, black and white...me and Walt."

Her eyes widened and she shook her head slowly. "What? What do you mean?"

"Think about it. Walt said he Iis/I the island, that he creates and controls the power of the island. I do too, Kate. I control the power, and together you and I create the power; you feel it, don't you? The surges when you touch me or when I touch you? That's my power, and it's Igood/I, it's love. Get it?" She nodded. "The Island had two sides, Kate, light and dark. And that is what this...war is about." He gripped her arms hard. "This place has made us whole, Kate, but I believe, deep in my heart that you and I were always meant to be together, that somewhere, somehow we would've found each other. We don't Ineed/I this place to be happy, to be together." He glanced at Cassidy's grave and swallowed hard. "This Island is bad, Kate. You see what it does? It uses people to Iexist/I, just like me. Just like you. If we...destroy this Island, if we wipe out that badness, that evil, then maybe it will be gone from us too."

She stared at him, hard, for a few seconds. She felt it too, that they would have found each other eventually; they were meant to. But they were here now and she was afraid to upset that; she was happy, so happy, and it had been so long since she had known that feeling. She was afraid to lose it. "I-I don't want to go anywhere else, James. You know what I have to go back to. And what if destroying the Island just kills us all?"

"Then we'll die together, Freckles. But that ain't what's gonna happen." He drew her close again and whispered, "Remember what I saw in the Cloud? Don't you want that, Kate?"

He could feel her answer before she said it, breathlessly, "Yes."

He smiled against her neck. "Then this is what we have to do." Sighing a little, he said, "This is the sacrifice we have to make to get what we're asking for. Okay?"

"Okay." their lips met sweetly and they stood there together a long time, savoring the possibilities that lay before them as dusk fell, casting them into deep gray shadows.

-----

Eko and Vincent had disappeared again, leaving Ana, Jack and Locke alone in the clearing; Jack had calmed down a little, watching Sawyer carry Cassidy's body away, but he was still freaked out by the log thing. It wasn't possible; while he was knocked out they must have rigged up some kind of trick or something. As he was thinking it, though, Jack knew it was stupid, Sawyer could never rig up something so complicated. His mind just refused to wrap itself around the fact that Sawyer had thrown a Ilog/I across the clearing by waving his hand; it was like he had been dropped into an episode of the Twilight Zone. Well, Jack thought, it's been like that a while now, though, hasn't it?

He hadn't really realized it before now; the division, the split between them and how complete and wide it was; and he also hadn't realized how much of that split was because of him moving away from Kate. The thought of her made him feel a liitle sick for some reason, but he couldn't think of a reason why. He just felt...Iguilty/I when she crossed his mind, like he had done something wrong. What had happened when they were out? And how the hell had they been frozen anyway?

He glanced at Ana; she still seemed to be in shock, her eyes were staring at the chunks of log that were scattered over the clearing. He noticed that the trunks of the trees where the log had struck had brown streaks ground into the bark and he winced at how much force it took to do that. "You okay, Ana?"

She nodded, swallowing as she turned to him. "You saw him do that too, right? It wasn't just me?"

Jack laughed, but it was humorless and dry. "Yeah. I saw it." He chuckled again and it was a little warmer as Ana put her hand on his knee, smiling in relief. "I don't know what bothers me more; that someone can actually do that, you know, telekinesis, or that it's ISawyer/I, of all people who can do it." He rolled his eyes and Ana laughed as Old Jack fell away and New Jack was back; whatever. Go with the flow. He kissed Ana lightly, and she stopped laughing, her hands going to his face as she returned it.

"Well," she said, breathlessly as she broke away, "It's a little disturbing that talking about Sawyer brought that on, but I'll take it." Jack laughed and reclined on his elbows, looking up at the canopy.

"Well, he Iis/I sexy." Ana made a face and Jack laughed, amazed at how easy it was to let go and just Ibe/I and though he hated it, he had Locke to thank for it.

"Ugh," Ana said, scooting closer to Jack and reclining next to him so that their legs and hips and shoulders touched, "If you like the long hair, greasy, criminal look." She brushed her hand over Jack's burr of hair and smiled. "I like 'em more clean cut." Looking askance at him, she said, "Exactly how do you keep it so short, anyway? My hair has grown, like two inches since we've been here. Yours isn't even an inch long. So?"

He ducked his head, smiling. "When I was in residency I was so busy, I worked so much that I didn't have time to get haircuts- Imean I never left the hospital if I could help it."

She smiled, imagining him as a young, driven doctor, trying to prove himself even then. "I'll bet you didn't," she laughed, rubbing her palm against the bristling thatch of his hair; it tickled a little.

"So, I learmed how to cut it myself with surgical scissors." He pointed to his pack, lying a few feet away. "I didn't have those, but I had some manicure scissors in my checked bag, which I found." Grinning sheepishly, he said, "So, now you know my secret."

"Jack Shepard, doctor by day, renegade barber by night." She laughed; he loved the deep throatiness of it and it made him shiver a little as he kissed her, softly.

Locke watched them from across the glade, smiling. The island was whispering in his head, telling him to move, to go where he needed to. He rose and went to Jack and Ana. "We have to go."

They broke apart and Locke laughed to himself at the scowl on Jack's face. "Wait a while, John. Kate and Sawyer aren't back yet."

Locke squinted up at the canopy and rubbed his forehead. "They're not coming back, Jack. We have to move on. Let's go."

He shouldered his pack and glanced at them as they slowly rose, looking a little unsure. "Why aren't they coming back?"

Locke smiled but it was different; it was cool and detatched. "That doesn't concern you. We have our purpose, they have theirs. Let's go."

He disappeared into the trees as Jack and Ana hefted their packs and started after him. Locke was right, Jack thought; it didn't concern him. Kate and Sawyer were on their own.

He took Ana's hand as they melted into the jungle, following John.

-----

They were curled up together next to the fire; the stream trickled softly behind them and Sawyer rested his head on her shoulder, kissing her neck softly as she leaned back into him. The knowledge of what lay before them gave them confidence and purpose; they had a common goal, now, and though it was unspoken between them, they had a new reason for living.

But there was the obstacle before them; the reason Sawyer had been brought to the Island. To destroy it. How did they do that? Kate suddenly wished they'd paid a little more attention to what was going on around them; she was sure they'd missed a few important things along the line.

A soft warbling hoot floated by them and the little bronze owl flittered to a stop on Kate's hand; she smiled and lifted it to her face, kissing it softly on the head as it hooted happily, fluttering it's little bronze wings. Sawyer smiled and held out his hand and the owl hopped up onto it, chittering away as Sawyer listened intently, his eyes clouding over. "What?" He pushed at Kate impatiently as he tried to get up; she leapt away and he said, "They're coming, Kate." He grabbed her arms and spun her close. "They're coming for you."

His heart dropped as she paled and shook a little. "W-why me?"

"You know why, Kate. Because I love you. You're my weakness. We have to move. INow/I."

The owl fluttered to her shoulder, clamping down with his little claws; it pinched a little but as he settled they relaxed and she kind of liked the little bird there. It was like having an angel on her shoulder. "Okay, James." She didn't move, though, and he could feel the terror radiating from her as he pulled her close. "I'm scared."

He kissed her head, stroking her hair. "I know you are baby. I will never let anything happen to you. I'll die first."

She tensed and he felt his shirt dampen from her tears. "That's what I'm scared of, James."


	76. Chapter 76

**Chapter 76**

They weren't going in the same direction; Locke was leading them away from the hatch, back into the jungle. Ana caught up to him as he stopped to take a drink of water. "Where you taking us, John?"

Locke smiled to himself; Ana was sharp and he'd been wondering when she was going to ask about the change in course. "We're meeting someone."

Her eyebrows arched as she asked, "Who are we meeting?"

He looked at her out of the corner of his eye as he took another drink. "Do you know what's going on here, Ana?" She looked confused and that answered this question. "Someone is trying to destroy this Island because they think it is bad, that it is evil." He paused, then asked softly, "Do you believe that?"

She shook her head; this place could work miracles. She looked at Jack, who was leaning against a tree, sipping water and staring at her; there was a miracle itself, that Jack wasn't over here, up in Locke's face, creating tension; he was relaxed and _smiling_, for God's sake. "No, John, I don't."

He smiled, capping his bottle and sliding it back into his pack. "Good, because faith is going to be very important soon."

Jack sauntered over, still smiling lightly; he grinned at Locke and said, "Faith is in pretty short supply here, Locke. Why don't you make a believer of me?"

He wasn't being sarcastic; it was in invitation, and Locke took him up on it, smiling himself as he rubbed his forehead and said, "Okay, Jack. I guess it's time for you both to know the truth." He motioned to the ground. "Sit. This may take a little while."

After they were all situated on the ground- Ana next to Jack, her hand lightly on his thigh- Locke continued. "Since this Island was created, ages and ages ago, it has always been a battleground between Good and Evil, Light and Dark. Two players, two sides; one white, one black."

Jack cocked his head, eyeing Locke. "And which side are we, John? The light or the dark?"

"It's all relative, Jack. _They_ think we're the dark side, and so we are. But light, dark, they're just terms. We're _right_ and that is what matters."

Nodding, Jack said, "Okay." Ana's hand squeezed his thigh as she smiled at him.

John paused, then scratched his head as he continued. "The Island does not belong to the real world. We are...outside of it, in another plane, but the tesseract, the portal, it has always been here, a connection to Earth that comes and goes at the whim of the Island."

"What about all of that surveillance stuff and the scanning; if the portal has always been here, why is all of that necessary?" Ana sat forward a little, eager to hear Locke's answer.

"I think, somewhere along the line someone learned to...control it, to use it towards their own ends. To draw in what it wanted and keep out the others, or kill them." He paused, sighing. "The tesseract itself is a contradiction; it is everything and nothing, past and future, good and evil, light and dark, it can give life and it can take it away, but the one thing it can't do is sustain itself; it must have an outside source of power. And that power is _faith_."

Things were falling into place for Jack; he nodded and said, "And who has the most faith? Children." He shook his head in disgust. "They enslave children to power the Island?"

John chuckled, shaking his head in return. "No, Jack. The children are free and _alive_; they are not slaves. It is their faith that makes everything here possible, they are happy, believe me. What would they have with us at the camp? Sand fleas, crappy food, a bunch of strangers bossing them around, pain and loneliness. No, they are better off."

Ana didn't quite agree. "They took adults from our camp, Locke. What about them?"

"The Others die too, eventually, though the experiments gave them a longer life expectancy, so they have to replenish their ranks; they take the good people because they have faith too. Every little bit helps."

They were quiet for a minute, then Jack said, "What about Walt, John? Don't you care about him? Do you really think he's happier without Michael?"

"Michael only tried to hold Walt back; the Island is giving him the oppotunity to use his gifts to their full potential." He grinned at Jack's dubious expression. "Walt is _very special_, Jack. He _is_ the Dark Side. We are in control, for now, but if we lose, the Island is done." Glancing at Ana, he said, "It happened before. The incident they talk about on the film we found? The Light Side won and the Island was nearly completely destroyed." He paused, sighing. "Which brings me to the point. The new battle has been joined; we are at war."

"Against who?"

Locke hesitated. This would test exactly how far Jack had come. "W.L. George once said 'Wars teach us not to love our enemies, but to hate our allies.'" Jack was looking at him curiously, and he said, "Sawyer."

Snorting, Jack said, "Sawyer? He's going to destroy the island?" Then he remembered the log slamming into the tree line, leaving dark streaks on the tree trunks at a wave of his hand, and his chuckle faded. "Sawyer?"

Locke nodded. "Yeah. Crazy, huh? But he's the one."

Jack suddenly felt a little uneasy; he looked at Locke and asked, "Where are we going, Locke?"

Locke's voice was urgent and tight. "We have to stop him."

Ana piped up; she didn't care about Sawyer or Kate either way. "Why didn't you kill him when he was here?"

Locke gave her a disappointed look. "Do you really think any of _us_ can kill him? Didn't you just see what he could do? And don't think that is all." He gave her a knowing look. "Only three things can hurt him now; Walt, Kate, and himself."

Old Jack was creeping up and New Jack fought him down; he kept his voice calm as he said, "Then why are we going after him? If we can't hurt him."

"Because Kate can. And we can hurt Kate." Jack was horrified and disgusted but it was almost a reflex; deep down he realized that he wanted to keep being the new person he was, and if Kate had to suffer to keep it that way, well, she had chosen her side the minute she had left him behind on the path to the caves.

Ana watched him struggle with the idea and she smiled as he shrugged. "Well, if we have to. But only as a last resort."

Locke shrugged; it was all relative. "Sure, Jack," he said, and Ana caught the gleam in his eye as he finished, "Only as a last resort."

-----

Sawyer was practically dragging Kate through the bushes as they retreated towards the chapel; he felt like they would be safer there and the sooner they got inside, the better. He wasn't too worried about them getting their hands on Kate, not with him there, but if it was Walt again he didn't think he'd be able to stop them; he was still weak and tired from earlier.

He heard her curse behind him as she stumbled a little; he realized how fast he was going and slowed down a little. "Sorry, Freckles, you okay?"

"Yeah," she said, a little breathlessly catching up; the little bronze owl chittered beside her shoulder and Sawyer looked behind them as Eko and Vincent came tearing through the brush, both of them panting as they stopped.

Eko panted for a second, then said, "I am glad to see you are on the move already. I sent Kotori to you hoping you would move out."

Kate smiled as the little owl landed on her finger. "Kotori?"

He hooted a few times at Sawyer, who smiled. "He says the Hopi woman who made him and gave him her spirit named him Kotori, because it means 'spirit of the screech owl' and that is what he has."

Kate smiled and kissed Kotori on the head. "Yes, you do." Hooting happily he flew off, landing in a branch a few yards away, singing his little bronze heart out. Vincent looked jealous at the attention and he growled sulkily until Kate reached down and scratched his ears. "You too, Vincent. You're a brave dog." He wagged his tail and kissed her, dripping slobber across her cheek.

Sawyer dragged his eyes away from the happy, smiling Kate and turned to Eko. "What's going on?"

"They are coming for Kate, James, and they are not going to be nice about it. So, listen to me, and listen carefully. There is a glade up ahead with a cave next to a stream. Hide in there, as best you can and don't come out no matter what you see; remember what lies in the balance."

Sawyer nodded but he was icy inside; what were they planning for Kate? "What then?"

He smiled sadly, and placing his hand on Sawyer's arm, he said, "That is something you have to figure out on your own, James. But before we part, I have two things to tell you." He glanced at Kate, who was leaning against Sawyer almost without realizing it. "Both of you. First, you are both good people, don't ever let anyone tell you differently, because goodness is forgiving evil and you both have done that, over and over. And you must keep doing it, James, you must continue down the path you have started."

Sawyer nodded; he knew he had to do it. "I will. I want to." As long as Kate was there.

"Good. Second, this is so very important, James, for you to get what it is you want. Dreams do come true, if you wish hard enough; you can have anything you want if you are willing to sacrifice everything else for it."

"I don't know if I am," he said, nervously, pulling Kate closer to him.

Eko grinned, and he clapped a hand on Sawywer's shoulder. "The time may come when you will be, James. Just remember my words." He motioned in the direction of the cave. "Now, go, and don't come out, no matter what. Hurry!"

Sawyer grabbed Kate and they ran until they found the cave; she stared at the waterfall and stream, shining in the starlight and said, "Wow."

Dragging her inside the cave he said, "You can admire the scenery later, sweetheart, Get in there." He pushed her into the darkest recess he could find and covered her body with his; They would have to go through him to get her.

Just as they backed into the shadows torches flared in the clearing and they could see a pair of khaki pants walking into it; the cave opening hung so low they couldn't see his face. A voice called out to them, "Sawyer! Kate! Are you here?"

Sawyer started forward but Kate stopped him. "It's Locke," he said, but Kate shook her head.

"Eko said no matter what, Sawyer. He's not on our side." Neither of them noticed she didn't call him James; Sawyer nodded and leaned back against her, shielding her from everything as Locke's legs came closer, calling them again.

Eko's voice drifted in to them as he said, "They are not here, John. I sent them back to camp."

Locke laughed and it was harsh with distrust. "Why would I believe you? The fact that you're here tells me they are close."

Eko's words were soft and melodic as he said, "I cannot help what you believe, John. The fact is they are not here." He was quiet for a moment, then he said, "What are you doing, John? You are going to torture her to get to him? This is what the Island has done for you?"

"The Island has done more for me than you can imagine, Eko." His voice was cold and Kate shivered against Sawyer's back, giving him goosebumps too. "Now, are you going to tell me where they are, or am I going to have to shoot you?" It was deathly quiet in the glade; only the click of a gun cocking broke the silence and Kate and Sawyer strained to hear something, anything.

Nothing.


	77. Chapter 77

**Chapter 77**  
A shot rang through the jungle, making Kate and Sawyer jump; Sawyer almost bolted outside but Kate snagged his shirt and jerked him back. He kicked himself as she wrapped her arms around his waist, holding him in place; Eko's voice floated in to them and Kate sighed silently with relief, feeling Sawyer relax just a hair. "What was that, Locke? Trying to draw them out? I told you they are not here." Sawyer groaned a little; John's ploy had almost worked.

Locke laughed. "They're here. I'm betting in that cave right over there. Why don't I take a look?" His feet moved towards the cave and Sawyer tensed, pushing back against Kate even harder, trying to hide her as far back as possible.

She felt him tense and press her back even further and she held him as hard as she could; it was a bluff, and he knew it, but his irrational fear of losing Kate, of Them getting Their hands on her, distracted him and he was glad that she had her hands locked around his middle, holding him to reality. Holding him to her.

The khaki pants were walking towards the cave entrance, but Eko's ragged legs stepped in front of him, and his voice was pleading and soft. "John, think about what you are doing. Not just for yourself, but for them too." Sawyer couldn't see who he was talking about, but he didn't think it was he and Kate. "You are bringing them down with you. Stop, now, before it is too late."

"It's already too late. It can't be stopped. I am fulfilling my destiny, Eko, this is why I was brought here; I am supposed to save the Island." He sounded a little crazy and Sawyer paled; They would stop at nothing to get him and Kate would be the one to suffer. She was shaking a little behind him, he could feel her scared breath on his neck as her hands gripped him tighter.

"What good does it do you to gain the Island if you lose your soul, John?' His voice was soft and easy. "What good is fulfilling your destiny if you are just a shell of a human?"

The glade was quiet again and the legs of the two men flickered in the torchlight; black and white. Sawyer realized he was holding his breath but the silence was so complete he worried it would be heard if he let it out so he kept it in as the hush deepened.

The silence was shattered suddenly by another gunshot; Kate and Sawyer both jumped and Eko fell to the ground, his eyes rolling to the cave as he saw Kate and Sawyer's horrified stares; he smiled at them and only Kate's terrified, horrified panting and her fingers clutched into his waist kept Sawyer from running out to heal him as black blood spread out across his chest.

Eko's eyes were fading as they rolled back to John. "And so Gilgamesh wins the battle, John. But what will he do when the Forest Demon turns on him? Enkidu will be gone." He smiled serenely as light filled the jungle, blinding them all. He laughed and it was heavenly; the sound of angels and harps and trumpets and victory and he said, "Good luck, Locke, not even your destiny can save you now." The light went out in a flash and the glade was black; the torches didn't come back on and Locke stared at the ground. Eko was gone, vanished in the light, and as John stared at the place where he had been his heart turned cold and he glanced at the cave, then turned and walked silently from the clearing.

As Locke's legs walked away Kate started shaking, trembling violently as her tears soaked the back of Sawyer's shirt; he held her hands and stared into the blackness, loss and anger engulfing him. Kate gasped as a surge of energy so powerful it _burned_ her flashed through him; he was different, and as he turned to look at her she gasped again. He was terrible to behold; anger and love and sorrow snapped across his face like lightning flashes and his eyes burned with...determination as he kissed her, hard, crushing her to him. "Kate," he said, and even his voice was different; it was deeper and stronger and it chilled Kate's blood even as it warmed her heart. He was all things, black and white, heaven and hell, earth and sky, Sawyer and James and Kate was suddenly in _awe_ of him, of the power that radiated from him as he looked into her eyes. "You see now, Kate, why this place must be destroyed?"

"Yes." She stared in shock at the ground; she was sad that Eko was gone but she had the feeling that he had let John do it, to anger Sawyer and push him down the path he needed to follow. And he didn't really feel _gone_; she could hear him inside of her, swimming around in the light that Sawyer filled her with. "I can't believe John did that."

Sawyer kissed her again, softly and smiled gravely. "Jack and Ana were there too."

She paled but didn't say anything; it wasn't surprising. The division between them was unfortunate and she mourned the loss of Jack as friend, but the past weeks had separated them; they had drifted too far apart to ever go back. "Yeah, well, I guess it's us against the world, baby."

"It always has been, Freckles." He sighed and glanced out into the glade. "Think we can risk it?"

She clutched him tighter, her head against his chest; his heart was pounding crazily and she could feel the sparks flying through his nerve endings. "No, James. Don't go."

He felt tears pricking at his eyes at the pleading, helpless tone in Kate's voice; it was so unlike her it broke his heart. "Kate, Kate," he whispered, smoothing her hair from her eyes, "I won't." They stood together in the dark for a long time as the terror and horror faded a little in the warmth and light they gave each other; then a long mournful howl split the silence and Kate cried as the warbling, haunting notes wavered into nothing.

The howling echoed again, and again and Kate thought her heart would shatter if it kept up; Sawyer was standing still, gazing in the direction of the haunting notes and Kate gazed at him. "What is he saying?"

Sawyer didn't answer right away and Kate could see tears of anger and frustration welling up in his eyes. "He's singing."

For some reason that made Kate cry harder; she buried her face in Sawyer's chest and her sobs blended with Vincent's melancholy music as James held her and Sawyer protected her, tears running down his cheeks at the howling, sad lament.

-----

Locke was met inside the tree line by Bluebeard; he was snarling and John shrugged him off angrily. He was disgusted by what he had just done, and his heart sank at the thought of what he would have done to Kate. "What was that, John? That wasn't supposed to happen. Do you know what you've done?"

Locke shoved him away and kept walking; Jack and Ana trailed him nervously and in shock. He had shot Eko down in cold blood; he hadn't hesitated. "Yes, Alvar, I know exactly what I did. What had to be done." He knew it was false as he said it; he had killed Eko because what he said had the ring of truth to it and Locke couldn't face that.

Bluebeard wasn't buying it. "Bullsht, Locke. He freaked you out and you lost it. Good job. Now you have given Him a _reason_. His power will increase and we will _lose_; is that what you want?"

Locke glared at him; at the moment that was exactly what he wanted; he caught sight of Ana, who was looking at him, coolly and he shook his head. "Of course not. I know he has to be stopped. I...made a mistake."

"I'll say," Jack said, angrily. "You _killed_ Eko, John." Old Jack was back with a vengeance, and Locke amended to himself, Big mistake.

"Twenty minutes ago, Jack, you agreed with me that torturing Kate was the only way to win this battle. So, you draw your ethical lines at murder, but torture is okay?' He snorted. "Didn't you have feelings for her at one time? Where the hell do you get off, Jack, spouting moralities at _me_?" Jack was a little taken aback; he had never seen Locke get so worked up and now he was almost shouting, his eyes gleaming crazily.

Jack just glared at him; he didn't have an answer for that. Bluebeard interjected. "You made him a martyr, Locke, and you know what Ben Jonson said, about martyrs, don't you?" He smiled through his thick beard but it was a crazy, insane smile. "He said, 'Who falls for love of God shall rise a star'. Well, guess what, Locke, defeating a star ain't easy. So I suggest you get to work, or you know what will happen."

The strength suddenly went out of Locke's legs and he fell, helpless to the ground; Jack ran to him but Locke waved him away. He pulled himself on his elbows to Bluebeard's feet, dragging his useless legs behind him, pushing the panic away. "What the hell do you expect me to do?"

Bluebeard smiled and said softly, "That's somethin' you're gonna have to figure out, John." The feeling came back into his legs and he rose slowly, all of the insecurity and fear back again. He couldn't let personal feelings get in the way; he had to do what he had to do because he was _never_ going back to helpless, weak John if he could help it. Bluebeard chuckled and Locke glared at him. "He is a beast. Kill _her_, John, and you will have cut off the head of the beast."

As if in response a low, mournful howl knifed through the trees and John frowned. "No," he said, softly, "I will have cut out his heart."


	78. Chapter 78

**Chapter 78**

Kate and Sawyer stood together until the last of Vincent's mournful song died away; Kate sighed and wiped her red eyes on Sawyer's shirt as he gave her a mildly disgusted look. "I don't have any more clean shirts, you know."

"Have you ever thought about _washing_ them?" she retorted, and the sadness and anger lifted, just a little. They were still alive, and together, and as much as Eko's loss hurt them, they were still happy and they trusted that he would understand.

But Sawyer was still angry enough; Locke was going to pay for that. Jack and Ana could go to hell; he couldn't see their faces so he didn't know what they had been doing or thinking, but they damn sure hadn't made a move to stop John from shooting Eko. They were all crazy and he was going to put an end to this damn place before it killed the only person left that he cared about; in less than twenty four hours he had lost both Cassidy and Eko, and now Kate was all he had left, and she was the only one that mattered anymore. "Yeah, I thought about it, Freckles. But I guess my powers don't include maid service."

She grinned and kissed him softly. "Now _that_ would be useful." She could feel his smile in the darkness and she touched him, gently, afraid. "What do we do now, James?"

He could feel her fear and it inflamed him even more, though he couldn't resist digging at her a little; he grinned slyly and said, "We're gonna do what you do best, darlin. Run." Eko was gone; the weight of responsibility fell on his shoulders as he made the decision almost without thinking. It was really their only option, until they could figure something else out and he was suddenly very glad that Kate was along; she definitely had expertise in this area.

Her eyes were rolling, he knew it even without being able to see her. "Funny." Excitement was stirring in her belly; she was in her element now and the adrenaline bagan to pump as she contemplated where they should go. "I think we should push on to the Eagle Hatch."

Eyebrows raised, he said, "And why would we want to go there?"

She smiled. "Well, it's someplace new, and we may find something there we need, some information. We can't go back to camp, that would put everyone else in danger, and if we try to hole up anywhere, They'll just find us. So we keep moving, and if we have to do that anyway, then lets explore. Maybe we find a way to end all of this."

He paused for a second, then smiled. "Why else, Freckles?" She was holding something back, he could tell just by her voice.

She was quiet for a minute and he couldn't see her in the dark, he panicked as he reached out to feel her, expecting to grasp nothing but air; his fingers fell on her solid flesh and he sighed silently in relief and irritation with himself for being so silly. His touch prompted Kate to speak, and she said, "And because that is where Locke is most likely to go."

Sawyer nodded; he knew it. "Out for a little revenge, sweetheart?"

She nodded slowly. "Maybe." He was suddenly scared that she was going to do something crazy; he knew she loved Eko and he was sure that it was tearing her up and he grabbed her shoulders, turning her to face him squarely; the moonlight glowed a little brighter as he said, "Kate, whatever you're thinking about doing, don't. Eko wouldn't want you to; we have bigger things to deal with."

She knew he was right, but she couldn't help digging back at him a little. "That's a little hypocritical, coming from you, James." She grasped his pocket where the wadded up letter was stuffed and he winced as her fingers grazed across the front of his jeans. "Or should I say Sawyer?" His hand grabbed hers and removed it from his pocket; he reached in and drew out the dried lump of paper and as Kate watched he held it in his fingertips, then with a whoosh it burst into flames. Sawyer held it aloft and blew on it; a million little red sparks floated up to the ceiling of the cave. He blew once more and it dissolved into a flea-circus fireworks display, brilliant red blossoms bursting from the burning paper. It dissolved into nothing and floated away on the wind as Sawyer leaned forward and said, "You tell me."

Kate watched the last of the sparks drift up to the roof and as they faded she smiled, throwing herself on him and hugging her body to his. "Oh, James," she said, and he shivered becasue it _was_ his name now; he had forgiven Frank, once and for all. After all, the bond he and Kate had was one of love but also of sorrow and loss and damaged pasts and he may not ever have had that if Frank hadn't done what he did. So in a crazy, very implausible kind of way, he owed Frank Sawyer for making him the happiest he had ever been in his life. He shook his head. Life is weird that way. Kate sighed happily. "You are completely mine now. No one else has an inch of you."

He hugged her close and whispered gently into her ear as he held her, "Completely, Kate. I belong to you."

She was quiet for a minute, enjoying the feel of his breath in her ear. "Then I guess we're ready."

A surge of power ran through him and it was so strong it melded Kate to him; they were one single person for that brief second and they knew everything there was to know about each other, every thought, every feeling, every memory, every want...every desire. The surge passed and they both trembled a little as they came apart; Sawyer led Kate outside into the moonlight so he could see her and when she saw him, she trembled even more. He had changed again; he was Sawyer, but not Sawyer, he was beyond Sawyer or even James; he was a celestial being, a planet, a star, a universe; he was an angel and a devil. Power and purpose radiated from him as he smiled at Kate, taking her hand and holding it to his lips. "Now I am."

-----

Jack had his pack on and was helping Ana with hers as Locke came up to them. "What are you doing, Jack?"

He didn't answer right away, as he finished helping Ana adjust her pack comfortably he turned to Locke and said, "We're leaving." He was sick about what he had been about to be a part of and he wanted to get as far away from Locke as possible.

Locke smiled softly. "Oh, really?" Something flashed in the moonlight and Jack paled as he saw Locke's gun pointed at him. "You know I'll use it, Jack."

Jack glared at him as he stopped, and he said, "Yeah. You've already killed two of us, John. Why not make it three? Or four?" His lips curled into a snarl. "Oh, yeah, that's right, you tried that tonight."

Locke's eyes were cold as he stared Jack in the eyes, the gun held over his heart. "We are at war, Jack, and you are deserting. That's treason, and in any real army I could shoot you for it." He smiled and it was chilly in the cool moonlight. "Where are you going to go, Jack? Back to Kate?" Ana flinched at that, and when Jack didn't deny it her anger stared to kick in. "They know you were there, that you were going to let me torture Kate; that you didn't stop me from killing Eko. To them you are a traitor." He shook his head, smiling coldly. "I don't think you'd be welcomed back with open arms."

Jack was wavering a little but he kept seeing Locke pull the trigger. "You shot him without warning, Locke."

Locke was tired of Jack's whining. "This is _war_, Jack. Sometimes bad things happen. People die. A famous general once said, 'It is well that war is so terrible, or we should grow too fond of it'. Robert E. Lee was considered a traitor, too."

Jack knew Locke was right; where else could he go? "You can't kill Kate."

Locke scratched his head. "Well, do you have any other suggestions? Because I can promise you Sawyer won't come willingly and this is the only way to weaken him."

Jack was torn; the Island had him in its grip and he was fighting it but it was winning. He tried another feeble protest. "It's _Kate_, John. How can you even think about it? Killing her?"

Locke stared at the sky a moment, then pointed to a star. "Do you know how many billions of miles away that star is? Do you know how many billions of those stars there are? And how many planets circle each sun? How many of those planets have life?" He paused and Jack followed his finger through an opening in the canopy to the immense night sky; it was black velvet with diamonds sewn on and they glittered and flashed at him as he stared. "You, me, Kate, Sawyer, Ana...Eko...we are all just a speck of dust on a hum-drum planet in an unremarkable galaxy that is tucked away in a far corner of the universe; we are insignificant. But the island," his eyes glittered crazily, "The Island is forever. And _we_ will live on with it."

Ana kissed Jack, suddenly, her arms snaking around his neck as she flickered her tongue against his; he felt his resolve and his convictions fade as she pressed her body against his and whispered, "Don't go, Jack. Let's just see what happens, okay?"

He rested his forehead against hers and looked aside at Locke. "Okay," he said, resigned, "But no one gets hurt. If we can help it."

Locke smiled and it chilled even Ana; she wasn't too hot on the torture/murder deal either, but she was going along, hoping to stop things before they went too far. She was pissed and hurt about Eko, but they had drifted apart, too, since he had started spending so much time with Sawyer and Kate. Always Kate. Ana snorted at the thought; suddenly a little Kate baiting didn't seem like such a bad idea. She spoke up. "Sure, Jack," she said, smiling at him. "Not if we can help it."

-----

The little stone church was close to the glade and Sawyer decided that would be the best place for them to be; he could barricade them in, at least, and give them a chance to prepare if They decided to come for Kate again tonight. Somehow, he didn't think They would attack twice but it was better to be ready.

Vincent came to them before they left and he was sad; his ears and his tail drooped and his deep doggy eyes were forlorn; he barely wagged his tail at them before sitting down with a weary thump next to Sawyer's pack. Sawyer reached down to pet him and Vincent perked up as he scratched his ears and scruffy neck and said, "I know he was your best friend, Rover, but Ed wouldn't want you to be like this." He kissed the dog on his wet nose and smiled. "You've still got us." Vincent woofed and it was a little cheerier; Sawyer laughed and ruffled his fur. "Yeah, you _are_ the lucky one, you ungrateful mutt." He stood and helped Kate on with her pack as she kissed Vincent gently on the nose; he began panting, his tongue hanging out.

Shaking her head, she laughed and said, "I swear, James, that dog is just like you." Grinning, he kissed her, softly, then pulled away and started panting on her neck, kissing it as he did. She got chills from the hot puffs of air against her skin, and she pulled his mouth hungrily back to hers.

Sawyer broke away, reluctantly. "We have to go, Kate. Come on, it's only a little way." He took her hand and with Vincent in front of them they headed for the chapel. It was a quick walk as they went pretty fast; they were quiet except for their breathing and the jungle was still and silent. Kate was amazed at how he had taken charge, as if he had just been waiting for an opening and now he wanted to show her what he could do. That he could take care of her.

They reached the gate and made their way up to the door of the chapel and Sawyer stopped Kate and Vincent. "Stay here, " he said, motioning for them to wait. "Let me make sure it's okay." Kate gripped his hand and wouldn't let him go and he smiled at her, "It's okay, Kate. I'll only be a minute." She let go and watched as he disappeared inside the door.

They heard scraping and banging and Kate exchanged a glance with Vincent as they heard him curse at something; then he came back, smiling and kissed Kate before she could go through the door. "Wait, Freckles, this needs a proper entrance." He swept her up into his arms and carried her across the threshhold as she wrapped her arms around his neck; she gasped with delight when she saw what he had done.

"I love what you've done with the place," she said, and he grinned. The two pews they had pushed together the other night were still there, but he had gathered flowers from the garden and made a bed of them on the pews; somewhere he had found a glass Virgin Mary candle and it was lit, casting a strange glow on the flowers. The fountain was only a few feet away and it tinkled merrily as Kate crawled into the makeshift bed while Sawyer blocked the doors of the chapel with the remaining pews, waving his hand to guide them against the entrances. When he was done and satisfied that they would hold at least a minute if someone tried to get in, he sighed, then climbed in next to Kate, pulling her body close to his as he breathed in the scent of flowers. She kissed him, but it was sweet and slow and she pulled away, finally, resting her head on his shoulder and caressing his chest. Sleep was overtaking her, she felt so safe and warm with him beside her. "It's beautiful. I love you, James," she said, mumbling sleepily.

Sawyer squeezed her shoulder and whispered, "I love you too, Freckles."

A few minutes later she began to snore and Sawyer smiled as Vincent jumped up into the bed and curled up against Kate's feet; he lifted his head and looked at Sawyer, his eyes glowing in the soft moonlight. He woofed softly and Sawyer grinned as he looked at Kate, sleeping peacefully against him, inside him.

He and Vincent stayed awake, watching over her as dawn crept up over the treetops.


	79. Chapter 79

**Chapter 79**  
Locke stayed up all night while Jack and Ana slept, though their sleep was uneasy; they both thrashed and mumbled restlessly in the dimming firelight. John didn't wake them; their nightmares were their business. He was trying to decide what direction to take; his usual confidence in his path had deserted him after the threat from Bluebeard, though he had the feeling that Sawyer was adrift without Eko, that he didn't know what to do. Maybe it would be better to give them a few days to cool down before another confrontation; they would go on to the new hatch for now.

With that decided his mind was free to wander and it went to the image he had been trying to forget; Eko smiling tranquilly at him as he pulled the trigger and the look of satisfaction as the bullet slammed into his chest. His guilt at killing Eko was countered by the knowledge that he had _tricked_ him into it, but he still felt some remorse. They had been friends, after all. He wasn't completely heartless.

He had to get to Kate; it was the only thing that could hurt Sawyer enough to bring him under the Island's control, or if nothing else, weaken him enough so that Walt could finish him off; their last encounter had left him weak and tired too. Sawyer was powerful, indeed, and now that had tripled with Eko's death and the knowledge that they were after Kate.

The Island whispered to him and he grimaced; Frank Sawyer wasn't going to be a help anymore, Sawyer had burned the letter and let it go and now the only option would be to kill him; nothing could tempt him to their side becasue all he wanted was Kate and he had her. A plan started to form in Locke's head; he smiled as he worked out the details while the sun rose over the trees; the sunlight never touched him, hidden deep in the shadows.

-----

Kate woke in a garden of blooms; they were crushed beneath her and Sawyer and the sweet scent of them was overwhelming; she rolled to face Sawyer, he was reclining on one elbow, staring at her, and as she turned to him his face lit up with an angelic smile, making him glow as he gently touched her cheek. "Mornin' beautiful."

"Hey, sexy," she said, and he leaned into her; the scent of him was stronger than the flowers, his wild, animal smell that intoxicated her. She caught her breath as his lips brushed against hers and she tasted it, too, his sweat, his scent. His arm slipped beneath her and he pulled her against him as he rolled up, covering her body with his as he pressed her into the bed of petals; the kiss was slow and languid, as if they had all the time in the world. They did; life was brief and joy was fleeting and they were holding both in their hands; they were still _alive_ and they were going to live what time thay had together, enjoying every second of it. The quest could wait; it would still be there later.

He ran one hand down to her waist, brushing his fingers against the side of her breast as he did; that got a moan from her and his tongue became more demanding, and she opened up, drawing him in. She slid her hands into his hair, pulling it back from his forehead tenderly; she could feel his pulse quicken against her skin and his breath became uneven as he moved his lips to her throat. She sighed as they moved even lower, and she could feel his hot breath burning her through the cloth of her shirt; his waved his hand over her and her jeans popped open as he slid his lips even lower, kissing and nibbling her skin deliciously.

She knew what was coming and her skin thrummed with anticipation; first she grabbed his head and pulled his face back to hers, kissing him hard, her arms wrapping around his neck. "I love you, James."

He grinned at her, softly brushing his fingers across her bared stomach. "That usually comes _after_, Freckles."

She smiled back. "Yeah, but I mean it _now_." He loved her so much he couldn't bear it; he was going to explode from the expanse of it.

"I love you, Kate," he whispered, and her heart swelled as he kissed her again, softly, tracing her lips with his tongue. "Only you."

She sighed as his mouth traveled back down across her stomach, where it paused for a second before continuing its journey; Kate's eyes widedned and she cried out as it reached its destination.

-----

Jack was staring at her when she woke; his eyes burning into her was what had woken her in the first place. She smiled at him a little uncertainly as his gaze didn't waver when she rolled her head to look at him. "Is there something on my face?"

Jack grinned and said, "Yeah." He kissed her, and she responded, scooting her body against his and reaching around his neck, pulling him closer. He lifted his head and scanned the clearing, then he glanced back down at her, grinning. "Locke's gone." His hand slid up under her shirt, caressing her as she groaned a little; she didn't need any more invitation, she wouldn't have cared if Locke was there anyway; all she could see was Jack.

They rolled away from each other long enough to disrobe, then they came back together with a force neither of them expected; their kissing and touching was frantic, hurried, as if they were afraid it was going to be snatched away from them any second. As Jack slid into her she groaned, clutching him to her; he rocked against her, and they both cried out as his pace increased; sweat dripped from them both as they strained against each other, finally shuddering and collapsing against Ana, Jack panted harshly against her glistening skin as she shuddered and relaxed, too, smiling and wiping some of the sweat from his forehead. "Wow."

Jack chuckled. "Thanks." He kissed her, quickly, winking at her, "You weren't so bad, either."

She rolled her eyes. "Gee, thanks."

He laughed again and Ana smiled, chuckling a little herself. They fell quiet, basking in the afterglow and letting their sweat cool; Jack finally kissed Ana again and sat up, drawing his clothes back on. Ana watched him sadly for a minute, then she sighed and stared dressing herself.

Jack hated to break the mood; they were so content, so at ease, but he had something that had to be said. "Ana, we can't let Locke kill Kate."

He sighed to himself as he saw her tense at Kate's name; she turned to him, anger clearly written across her face. "Why do you care what happens to her, Jack? She'd kill you in a second if it came to it, don't you think she wouldn't." He didn't; he'd seen Kate in action and there was no doubt in his mind if he came between her and something she wanted she'd off him without a second thought. Sure, she'd feel bad, but she was so used to it, what was one more bad feeling? He'd be gotten over.

"I don't care, Ana, but I can't just watch her be tortured and killed in front of me. I couldn't let that happen to anyone." He knew it was a lie as he said it; he'd watched Sayid torture Sawyer and he'd let John kill Eko, and he'd felt bad both times, but what needed to be done, needed to be done. So why _did_ he care what happened to Kate? He didn't love her, he didn't want her anymore, not really; they were like strangers again and his concern for her was more like a reflex than any actual feeling.

Ana shrugged; she was pissed at him for bringing this up now; couldn't he let them have five minutes of pleasure without ruining it? "Whatever. I say whatever works." she looked him in the eye. "This is going to affect us, Jack, if the Island dies, I think we do too; the real world won't let us be together. This is our only chance. Please, Jack, let's _give_ it a chance."

He sighed; he wanted them to be together, he was starting to really feel something for Ana and he wanted it to move on. He wanted to be New Jack, to be happy for once. Nodding, he took her hand. "We'll see, Ana. I can't promise anything. Will that do?"

She shook her head. "No. I want you to promise that you won't stop Locke."

"I can't promise that. Not now." He touched her cheek, still a little flushed from their lovemaking. "I want to be with you, Ana, but I can't tell you what will happen in the future. I'll promise to try, and that's the best I can do."

She sighed, disappointed. "Okay, Jack, I guess I don't have a choice."

He grinned. "Nope. But you have a chance, so make what you can of it."

-----

Kate stood by the stone fountain inside the chapel, watching the cool water trickle merrily from the spout. The sun was up, and its early morning beams warmed her as they splashed her with light. She was remembering them, beside the fountain, in the rain; his soft lips on hers as he committed himself to her, to them. She shivered as she felt his arms go around her; he smiled at the pool and he said, "Wanna go for another dip?"

"No." She grinned and he could see it reflected in the water. "Figures that's what you'd be thinking about," she said, as she crossed her arms protectively over her chest.

His breath was soft on her neck as he said, "I know what you were thinkin', Freckles." He kissed her neck, smelling the flowers on her; he grinned as she giggled at his tickling breath.

He turned to face her, and took her hand; she smiled sweetly and scooped some water in her hands; her smile turned wicked and she flung the water in his face; he spluttered and wiped his eyes, grinning as Kate ran out of the open door into the jungle. Vincent joined her, running next to her and bouncing happily; Sawyer took off after them, grinning evilly. Kate was gonna pay for that.

The jungle was warm and inviting; it _was_ beautiful, so brilliantly green and lush, like a bowl of emeralds and Kate ran joyously through the brush, hearing Sawyer's footsteps behind her. He caught up and grabbed her from behind, and she laughed breathlessly as he jerked her to a stop, panting in her ear. "Think you'e funny?" he asked, and she nodded, giggling and panting from the run.

He dug his fingers into her ribs, making her squeal with laughter as he held her with one hand and tickled her with the other; Vincent jumped up on her and barked, obviously laughing at her predicament. She hollered between squeals, "Help me, dog! What's wrong with you?" Vincent sat on his haunches staring at her with a look that made her laugh. "Yeah, right. I know, I know." She screamed with laughter again and struggled weakly against him as her breath became shorter; he turned her to face him and kissed her, his fingers leaving her waist and pushing up under her shirt to caress her stomach; he loved the feel of her taut muscles and silky skin there. He leaned his head against hers as she tried to catch her breath from the laughing and the kiss. They were happy, and alive, and together. Completely, totally together.

Vincent watched them as they gazed blissfully into each other's eyes; chuffing contentedly he sat close by, watching the jungle for them as they stood, shining like angels in the steamy morning sun.


	80. Chapter 80

**Chapter 80**

Locke returned, finally, and Jack and Ana stood, picking up their packs as he came into the clearing. He'd changed his mind about the hatch, kind of, after thinking out a plan; he hoped it would work but he had his doubts. He went to Jack and said, "I want you to go back to them. To Kate and Sawyer."

Jack was a little puzzled; he glanced at Ana before he asked, "Didn't you just tell me I couldn't go back? That they would consider me a traitor?"

Locke smiled. "You picked a hell of a time to start listening to me, Jack." Jack grinned at him and Locke continued, "I want you to go back to them and tell them I tried to kill you because you refused to go after Kate. If you play it right they'll believe you. At least, Kate will, and Sawyer listens to her. Lead them to me; I'll leave a trail even you can follow."

Jack rolled his eyes impatiently at the jab. "What are you going to do, Locke?"

He studied John's face as he answered, "Only what I have to, Jack." Jack hesitated, then nodded. "Good. They are at the chapel, coming this way. Ana and I will push on to the hatch, just follow our trail."

Jack glanced at Ana; she looked a little worried and not happy at their separation. "Be careful, Jack." It felt good to say those words to someone and actually mean them; she kissed him, softly, and he smiled at her as he headed for the chapel.

Locke called after him. "Jack!"

He stopped and turned around and Locke said, "Be convincing, Jack. Sawyer is a con man, he _knows_ people, what they're thinking, what they'll do in a given situation and you can bet damn well he knows you. And Ana is right, be careful; if he thinks you're lying he _will_ kill you." Ana paled a little.

Jack nodded, looking at Ana; he was glad that they had spent the morning together. The more time he spent as the new Jack, the stronger his feelings for her became until he was starting to believe that the two were connected; if he reverted to the old him she would fade. He understood, now, what she meant when she said the real world wouldn't let them be together; once he returned to reality his life and schedule as a doctor wouldn't let him be the man she wanted, the new Jack. Her life would be as demanding as his, they would drift apart and the something that they had here, the happiness and vitality that they were feeling, would be gone. Wasted. His resolve stiffened a little; the Island had to be saved so that his new life could continue.

Locke called him again. "Oh, and Jack," he said, and as he turned Locke shot him in the leg with a gun he had hidden in his pocket; in the trees behind him a little gold ball zipped away. Nobody noticed. "Sorry, Jack. Details matter."

Jack screamed as the bullet tore through his calf, ripping away a chunk of his skin and a good bit of muscle too. "What the fuck was that you crazy son of a-" He groaned at the pain as he bent down to look at it and he started to pull off his pack to get some alcohol and bandages out; Locke pointed the gun at him again.

"Didn't I just say that you had to play a part, Jack? If I was chasing you with a gun after I just shot you in the leg would you be stopping to clean it and put on a band-aid? NO! You'd be running for your life with your leg bleeding down into your socks. So RUN!" He fired again into the air and with a last sad look at Ana Jack ran into the jungle, his calf burning with pain as he tore through the vines and brambles.

Ana watched him go, and Locke smiled at her worried look. "He'll be fine, Ana. I know you dislike Kate but this is where Jack's infatuation comes in handy."

"He doesn't care about her anymore." Ana said the words but she didn't half-believe them herself. He cared and he always would; Kate was just something she was going to have to accept, unless something happened to erase Kate from his world.

"Yes, he does." Locke smiled kindly at her hurt expression. "But he cares about you more."

-----

Kate and Sawyer heard the shot as they were walking through the jungle, holding hands and talking; Vincent froze in front of them, ears and tail up as he looked off into the distance, he woofed at Sawyer and took off into the trees. Kate pulled her gun and Sawyer pushed her behind him as they went forward, carefully.

There was another shot; they froze and exchanged glances before proceeding again, slowly. "I wonder if that was Locke." Kate said, nervously grabbing Sawyer's hand with her free one.

Sawyer didn't think so; he had the feeling that Locke was trying something and he wished he knew what it was; as if in answer to his request the little bronze owl came flittering to him, landing on his finger and chittering madly as he listened intently, a grin spreading across his face. Shaking his head and chuckling he said, "Locke is dumber than we thought. He's sending Jack after you."

Kate didn't find it as amusing as Sawyer; she frowned and it irritated him, though he knew it was just a reflex on her part, just as it was a reflex for it to tick him off. Old habits die hard, he thought ruefully, for _both_ of us. "Why would he send _Jack_?"

He shrugged, then smiled slyly. "He knows old Jacky boy gets to you, sweetheart. You still worship him from afar." He rolled his eyes dramamtically but Kate didn't laugh. Sawyer suddenly wished he had something to hold over Jack's head, make him as miserable as he was sometimes.

Kate shook her head. "Nah, it's something else. I think he's...testing Jack's loyalty." She grinned up at Sawyer, her eyes gleaming, and he grinned back, already knowing what she was going to say. "We could test it a little more for him."

"I think that's a great idea, Freckles, except I don't want you to actually _touch_ him." She rolled her eyes and he laughed at her exasperated expression.

Sawyer held up his hand; suddenly the jungle was quiet and it felt strange; like the air was rippling and contracting around them. They froze as there was a great ripping sound, like someone tearing cloth; above them the blue sky ripped apart, opening up into a great black hole, completely black except for a tiny white pinpoint that grew larger as they watched; the day grew colder as it grew larger and closer; Sawyer grabbed Kate and jerked her away as something came slamming down into the jungle floor; Kate looked up and the hole in the sky sealed itself up with a zip. Suddenly the sky was blue and whole again, and the day was warm.

It was a small plane, a corporate jet-type craft, and it had remained remarkably intact after its contact with the ground. Sawyer and Kate eyed it with horror as they circled, trying to see if there was anyone in there; the cockpit was smoking slightly and as Sawyer found the hatch door and jerked it off with a grunt he said, "You stay here, Freckles and holler if you see flames, okay?"

Kate nodded and held her breath as he climbed into the plane and she watched every move he made as he inched up inside of it. "Nobody here," he said, but as he reached for the cockpit door there was a loud groan from one of the seats behind him. He turned but Kate was already inside, bent over the seat where a woman was twisted up underneath it, covered in a blanket and pillow and a suitcase that had burst open.

"Hey," Kate said, pulling the debris off of her, "hey, can you hear me?" The woman moaned and Kate noticed that she was stuck and she motioned to Sawyer, "James, can you help?"

He studied the situation for a second, then he waved his hand, concentrating with all of his might; the seats groaned and the floor beneath the woman creaked ominously and she cried out, though it was muffled a little as the metal seats gave way with a shrieking clang. Kate grabbed the woman as she slumped over, weak with fright and relief. "Is she okay?" He looked down at her with concern.

The woman spoke, regaining her faculties a little. "I'm okay. Just scared to death." She looked at the crumpled and bent interior of the plane. "What happened?"

Sawyer touched Kate's shoulder and nodded towards the cockpit. "I'm gonna go check it out."

She smiled as his fingers squeezed her gently, and she said, "Be careful." She watched him for a second, then looked back at the woman. "You were in a plane crash,"she said, leaving out the hole opening up in the sky and the plane dropping out of it; the poor lady was already in shock, she'd think she was completely insane if Kate tried to explain that.

"I-I was on my way back to Chicago, from Sydney. My ex-husband was in a plane crash a couple of months ago, Oceanic 815? I was there to identify some baggage and belongings, but none of it was his." She noticed the look on Kate's face and she said, "Hey, what's wrong?"


	81. Chapter 81

**Chapter 81**

"Hey, what's wrong?"

Kate shuddered and said, "We were on flight 815. We crashed here two months ago."

The woman paled and said, "How many of you survived?" Her voice was weak and shaky.

Kate knew what she _really_ wanted to know and she said kindly, "What is his name?"

Giving Kate a look of gratitude the woman said, "Jack. Jack Shepard."

Kate almost fainted; the world swam in front of her and she croaked, "Yeah. He's fine." She stood and backed away from the woman, who had broken into a glowing smile.

"He's alive?" She stood shakily and Kate didn't help her; she was still in shock and she didn't hear Sawyer coming behind her. He put his hand on her shoulder and she jumped.

"Easy, Freckles, it's just me. The pilot's dead, no co-pilot anywhere." He noticed the look in her eyes and he stopped, glancing at the woman. "What's going on?"

The shock was wearing off a little and Kate just felt queasy; the woman stepped forward and said, "I'm Sara, by the way, Sara Shepard."

Sawyer's eyes snapped to Kate's and she smiled wanly and nodded. "Jack's ex-wife." The look on his face was almost worth the nausea she was swallowing; his eyes widened in surprise and his jaw fell open as he stared at Sara.

The impossibility of the situation made him laugh, and as he chuckled Kate grinned and laughed, too. How crazy _is_ this place? It was no more improbable than Cassidy showing up on a fishing boat, and Sawyer suddenly stopped laughing, remembering what he had so offhandedly wished earlier, that he had something to hold over Jack's head. Had he called Sara here to use her against Jack? Walt had called Cassidy, so it wasn't totally implausible, right? His stomach lurched at the thought of the dead pilot and guilt seeped its way into his heart; Kate noticed the change and she took his hand. "What is it, James?"

He shook off the feeling and smiled down at her. "Nothing. Come on, let's get out of here before this thing catches fire; there was a lot of smoke in the cockpit." He waited for Sara to walk into the tiny aisle, shakily, and he offered her his free hand; Kate had a deathgrip on the other and when Sara took his offered hand Kate tightened her grip, crushing his with an irrational stab of jealousy.

Sawyer exited first and helped the Sara down, then Kate; as he lifted her he kissed her softly, setting her feet gently on the ground. Sara was gazing at the wreckage, pale and weak-kneed. "Wow," she said, softly, "It looks..." her voice trailed away and tears rolled down her cheeks; smiling at Sawyer, Kate went to her, hugging her as she cried.

"It's okay," Kate said, trying to comfort her, "It's okay. You're alive, Jack's alive...things could be worse." She laughed to herself at the truth of those words.

Sawyer watched them, Kate holding Sara, stroking her hair as she sobbed, and a surge of love coursed through him, making him shiver a little; she _was_ a good person, no matter what anyone else thought, no matter what _she_ thought. His heart lightened as he stared at her; she cared about everyone, and he marveled at how deep the wellspring of her compassion went, that she could offer comfort to Jack's ex-wife. Shaking his head he grinned to himself. She is one of a kind.

Sara's tears stopped finally and she drew away from Kate's shoulder, looking a little sheepish. "Sorry," she said, her voice still thick with tears, "I guess the adrenaline got to me." She wiped her eyes and looked around at the jungle. "So, where are we?"

Joining Kate's side, Sawyer said, "We don't know. Mystery Frickin' Island."

Sara looked a little hesitant and shy, then she said, "I don't know your names."

Kate smiled, shaking her head. "Sorry. I'm Kate, and this is..."she stopped, unsure of how to introduce him. Was he James only for her?

He chuckled at her indecision then said, "Sawyer." His eyes smiled at Kate and she grinned back; James was hers alone.

Vincent came tearing into the clearing and Sara yelped a little in surprise; Vincent glanced at her but went to Sawyer, barking madly. "Whoa, whoa, slow down." He listened as Vincent woofed a few more times, then he smiled and looked at Sara. "Well, well. Guess who's coming to dinner?"

-----

Jack's leg was on fire but he didn't dare slow; he was almost afraid that Locke really was behind him with the gun, waiting to shoot him again if he stopped. He was pretty sure there was someone tailing him, anyway, probably one of the Others, set to follow him and make sure he did what he was supposed to.

He was still torn about Kate, but he supposed he would get over it too. He wanted Ana, and that realization was giving him strength to keep running; he was afraid of what Locke might do to her if he didn't hurry. He kept seeing her swimming in his vision; her muscles rippling in the beam of the flashlight; her taut body strectching out as she reclined on the warm ground; their skin, wet and slick in the shower; and he increased his pace as he thought about her alone with Locke.

He was scared, too, he didn't know how he was going to convince Kate that he was on their side, because he wasn't. He wanted to stay here, to be with Ana; letting go of his drive and hostility was getting easier and easier and slipping back into Old Jack was a tighter fit. He was glad. He loved to feel so free, and alive, and he mourned the loss of thirty-nine years of fun and happiness, sacrificed for the approval of a man who was lost himself.

There was a sudden ripping sound and then a huge crash; Jack stopped, staring around in terror; what the hell was that? He ran again, in the direction of the crash, and he came skidding to a stop as he burst into a clearing to find a small plane, crumpled on the ground, and Kate, Sawyer, and-

"_Sara_?"Loss of blood, exhaustion and shock overwhelmed him and the world went black as he crumpled to the ground.

-----

The world was fuzzy around the edges and his mouth was dry; and he had been thinking about Sara for some reason; she was swimming in his vision, even, and as he focused he saw it really _was_ her and he shut his eyes again, sure he must still be dreaming.

"Jack?" she asked, tenatively touching his arm. He opened his eyes again and she was still there, sunlight framing her blonde hair, and he smiled. She looked relieved and she sighed, "Hey."

"Sara? What are you doing here?" His fingers traced her cheek softly; she leaned into his caress, smiling.

"I was in Sydney, Oceanic flew me out there to identify some baggage and personal effects. They were flying me back on the private plane to Hawaii, then I was supposed to connect to Chicago."

Jack stared at her for a second, then said, "Why didn't mom go? Why did they send you?" He was afraid to hear her answer; but she smiled at his fear. "She's fine, Jack. She didn't want to go so she asked me." He sat up, his head still a little light, and he noted that Kate and Sawyer were giving them their space; they sat on the other side of the clearing, talking quietly and glancing at the two of them every few minutes.

Sudden fear stabbed Jack; he jumped up and winced as the bullet wound in his leg stretched and pulled wide. "Kate!" She glanced at Sawyer and they both rose, coming to him as he hobbled towards them. They even moved as one person, all of their motions synchronized together; they were fluid and natural and Jack was more than a little jealous. It made the lie easier. "Locke is coming for you, Kate."

Sawyer was skeptical, and so was Kate, but she said, "What happened to your leg? He shot you?"

Sara joined them, eyeing Jack sadly. He hadn't changed, always needing to fix something. Still driven. Jack smiled at Sara as she stood next to him, and he said, "Yeah. I told him I wouldn't go along with killing you, Kate, so he shot me. He's got Ana, I don't know what he'll do to her."

Sara was alarmed; someone was trying to kill Kate? And he shot Jack? Where the hell had she ended up? "What's going on, Jack?" she asked, taking his hand almost without realizing it.

Sawyer snorted. "Ana? He can have her." Kate snickered a little but stopped at the look on Jack's face. Oh my God, she thought, he really _loves_ her. She softened towards Ana just a little.

Jack turned to Sara. "I can't really explain, now, Sara. Later." He kissed her quickly, almost as a reflex, and Kate saw with perfect clarity what her life would have been like had she chosen Jack instead of Sawyer; a quick peck on the cheek, a touch of the hand, a lifetime of judgement for a husband who was never _there_, always busy fixing other people's problems while he ignored his own. She clutched Sawyer's hand tighter, thanking God he had given her a choice in the first place. But it had never really been much of a choice, had it?

Sawyer was watching Jack closely; he knew it was a trick but he wanted to see where he was going with it. "You want us to go running off into the jungle to help get her back? Come on, Jack, I ain't Einstein but I ain't that stupid."

"Well, that's in the eye of the beholder, isn't it?" he snapped; it was partly fear because he knew by looking at him that Sawyer didn't believe him. The thought ran through his mind that Locke had known all along Sawyer wouldn't believe him, maybe this was a way to get rid of him. He blanched at the thought of Ana, alone with Locke and his heart sank as he stared helpleesly at Kate.

"Please, Kate, I'm afraid of what he'll do." He wasn't lying, really; Kate could see that he really was terrified for Ana. She glanced at Sawyer but his face was cold; he didn't like Jack appealing to Kate that way, she was crumbling and he was suddenly pissed at Locke for sending Jack. Damn him, he knew how Kate would react. He wondered if Locke had a bit of con man in him himself.

Sara was completely confused and still in shock from the crash and finding Jack; she watched the three of them silently, trying to piece things together. One thing, though, she didn't like the way Jack was talking about this Ana person. "Who is Locke? Who is Ana?"

No one answered her; Kate was still staring mutely at Sawyer, who finally relented under her gaze. "Okay, Freckles," he said, his heart full of misgivings. "But we go slow, and careful." He turned to Jack and his eyes flashed dangerously. "One mistake, Jack, one wrong move," he paused and poked Jack in the ribs with his finger; a blue bolt shot from it and Jack yelped as it scorched his skin, "and I'll fry you like fcking bacon."

Kate glanced at Jack's leg; what she could see through the shredded pant leg was a deep purple and blood was still seeping from the open wound. "James," she whispered, and nodded towards it.

Sawyer looked disgusted, but he sighed and knelt down to take a closer look; Jack jerked away as he reached out, and he snorted, "Be still, Doc." He lifted away the cloth and looked at the hole; sighing heavily he closed his eyes and reached out to touch Jack's leg.

Kate smothered a laugh at Sawyer's obvious discomfort at touching Jack _anywhere_, much less anyplace below his waist. The wound was closing and she was actually a little amazed that he could muster enough desire to heal Jack to make it work. God, she loved him.

Jack gritted his teeth as Sawyer's fingers touched the wound; he looked down and it was _gone_, like Sawyer's bullet wound. He stared at Sawyer with awe and a little jealousy. "Damn, that would be handy to have as a doctor," he said weakly, and Kate and Sawyer chuckled.

Sara was gaping open-mouthed; she was suddenly sure that she had really died in the crash and this was just a dream before she found herself in heaven. Dizziness washed over her and she wavered a little before Sawyer reached out and steadied her; she smiled up at him and as he grinned back she drew in her breath sharply; she was sure she was in heaven because angels danced over his shoulder in the sunlight that cast a halo around him; they were singing and playing harps, though she couldn't hear them. She blinked and they were gone; she sat down, hard, only Sawyer's guiding hand keeping her from completely falling down.

Jack knelt to her, quickly, and she smiled weakly as her eyes rolled up in her head and she fainted. He checked her pulse and her breathing and sat back, sighing. "She's okay, just freaked out, I guess." He stared at Sawyer again, shaking his head. "I gotta tell you, Sawyer, she isn't the only one."

Laughing a little, Sawyer smiled at Jack; he had changed too, and for some reason this Jack didn't irritate the sht out of him. At least not as much. "Well, don't you go faintin' on us _again_, Doc, 'cause I can't carry you both." He waved his hand and Sara's limp body lifted into the air, he deposited her in Jack's arms and smiled as he pointed towards the jungle. "You first, Jack. I still don't trust you."

Their eyes met and held; Kate watched a little nervously, though they seemed content to let it go with staring. Jack finally dropped his gaze and Sawyer smiled. "Smart move, Sawyer. I wouldn't trust me either."


	82. Chapter 82

**Chapter 82**

Locke didn't move at his usual blistering pace and Ana was glad; she didn't want to get too far away from Jack. Sawyer was going to kill him, she just knew it; she had this horrible feeling of dread in the pit of her stomach, and she couldn't think of anything else that could make her feel so...scared.

The change in him was unbelieveable; he was like a different person, without the tension and hostility the real Jack, the Jack he was supposed to be was allowed to come through. She'd always known he was in there, she'd _seen_ him, hidden; to see him released and free was almost...magical, and the Island was the reason for it. It was magical. She didn't ever want to leave; nothing but misery and lonliness awaited her in the real world.

They stopped as a strange ripping sound echoed through the jungle, followed by a crash; Locke gazed back over his shoulder then glanced at Ana. She was staring, horrified, in Jack's direction. "We should go back, Locke."

Dusky light fell on them and three people walked out of the jungle, stopping a few feet away from them; Bluebeard, Frank Sawyer, and- her heart stopped as she saw him- Jason. He grinned at her, his ruined face made more grotesque by the shadows cast by the sunlight as he said, "There is no goin' back, Officer Cortez. Believe me."

Bluebeard stepped up to John and said, "Where are they?"

"Patience, Alvar. They are coming." He glanced a Frank, scowling. "He's useless. Why is he here?"

Frank snapped back before Bluebeard could answer. "I got as much right to be here as you. Hell, I been waiting for this for twenty-eight years, you been here, what a month?"

Bluebeard shushed him, ignoring the evil look Frank gave him, and turned back to Locke. "What's this plan of yours, John?"

Locke hesitated; it wasn't a plan with a lot of finesse; in fact it was going to rely on strength and speed more than smarts; glancing at the three men in front of him he was quietly thankful for that. "The key is to get to Kate; once we have her he'll do anything we say. Unfortunately that's also the tricky part. Sawyer is not stupid; he'll be wary and suspicious. You three hide; Ana, come here."she went, reluctantly, and he pulled a length of rope from his pocket.

"What are you doing, John?" she asked, eyeing the rope uneasily.

"Details, Ana. We have to distract him long enough for Frank to make himself useful and grab Kate from behind. But be careful, Frank. He won't have any qualms about killing you now." Locke sneered at him; he disliked the...man, if that was what he was.

Ana balked at having her hands tied; she didn't like being left defenseless, especially with what was about to happen. "I don't like this, John."

He looked her in the eyes for a second, then said softly, "I don't either, Ana. But as much as I like Kate and Sawyer, I hate being helpless and hopeless even more. You do too, don't you?" He looked at Jason, who was leering at her through his deformed face, and he said, lower, "I know what you want, Ana, and it doesn't have anything to do with him. He's nothing, a test; don't let him sway you away from your path. What you want, the family, the kids, it's all within your grasp. You want that, don't you? You want it with Jack, the way he is now, right?"

Her resolve was fading at Locke's words; he was right, Jason was nothing. "Yeah," she said, and a tear slid down her cheek. She _did_ want that, with Jack.

Locke smiled and touched her arm; she recoiled a little from his unpleasant grasp and he said, "The Island is already giving you part of what you want. You can have it all, Ana, but the Island must survive. Okay?"

She nodded, and held her hands behind her back without a word. Locke tied them, tightly, and she grimaced. "I know, details."

John smiled and nodded, then he motioned to the three men. "Go, hide. Frank, be ready to move behind Kate and grab her, but watch him; he is dangerous. Get a gun on her immediately; that is the only thing that will stop him."

Bluebeard cocked his head, "Aren't you going to kill her anyway?"

Locke shook his head. "I think we should try to turn him first. If he won't listen to reason," he shrugged, "then he'll listen to something much less...pleasant."

Ana paled and worked quietly at loosening her bonds.

-----

Sara wasn't heavy but his arms were getting tired; every once in a while he would feel her lift just enough for him to shake out his arms a little; he didn't look back but he knew it was Sawyer, though he was sure it was at Kate's urging and not Sawyer's idea. He wasn't that nice.

She woke, finally, and as her eyes opened she seemed surprised to see Jack; after a second she remembered and her eyes filled up with tears. "Jack," she said, touching his face, "I thought you were dead."

He stopped, and as Kate and Sawyer caught up he set her down, gently, allowing her to get her balance before leting her go. Kate touched her shoulder. "You okay?"

Sara smiled through her wet lashes. "Yeah," she said thickly, "It's just so _unreal_, you know?"

Kate smiled. "You have no idea." Sawyer squeezed her hand and kissed her, quickly, though she could tell his lips wanted to linger. "You hungry? I have some fruit."

Sara realized that she was; smiling at Kate she said, "Thanks. For everything, you know, getting me out of the plane and all."

Kate unzipped her pack and brought out two mangoes which she handed to Sara, along with the knife from her belt. Jack watched them both and he was surprised to realize that he didn't really _care_ about either one of them anymore; he wanted them to be safe, and unhurt, but he had no other feelings for them. He wanted Ana.

Sawyer was watching Jack closely, looking for any tells; he was busy staring at Kate and Sara, and Sawyer resisted the urge to blast his eyes out of his head for looking at Kate. He didn't trust Jack at all, even less so now that Sara was here. She was just another person for Jack to save; another reason for him to screw them over.

Kitori whickered softly down on Sawyer's shoulder, drawing curious looks from Jack and Sara; he chittered in his ear for a few seconds then fluttered off into the jungle. Sawyer glanced at Kate then said, "Well, we better move on, Doc. Seems like there's a welcome wagon waitin' on us." His eyes suddely flared and he grabbed Jack by the throat, his eyes snapping blue sparks as he growled, "Rollin' out the red carpet for us, Jackass?"

Jack was frozen as Sawyer held him by the throat; he could feel the electricity coming through his skin and it was somewhat unpleasant, as if he was being softly, gently electrocuted. He tried to struggle but he couldn't; terror immobilized him. "I don't know what you're talking about, Sawyer."

Sawyer shook him, hard; Kate started forward, but she was grabbed from behind; she screamed and Sawyer dropped Jack in terror as he turned around. Frank Sawyer had her, a gun pointed to her throat as Locke, Bluebeard and Jason materialized out of the jungle; Locke was dragging Ana behind him.

Jack stared in horror at Ana, who was clearly scared; Locke waved his hand at him. "Stay there for now, Jack. Ana's fine." His eyes fell on Sara and he looked quizzically at Jack. "Who is this?"

"Sara. She was in a plane that crashed a little while ago, didn't you hear it?" Jack hoped like hell that Sara wouldn't say anything to give herself away; he didn't think it would be a good idea for Locke to know who she really was.

Locke looked her over and his eyes rested on Sawyer, who was standing frozen as Frank Sawyer held the pistol to Kate's throat. Blue flames were shooting from his eyes and Locke shook his head. "Control yourself, Sawyer. Frank's got an itchy trigger finger."

Saywer turned his flaming eyes on Locke, and he quailed a little at the blazing blue orbs. "If anything happens to her, John, I will kill you. And it won't be pleasant."

Kate was terrified and she held her breath as Sawyer held his temper; she had no doubt that they would kill her if he tried anything. "James," she said, quietly, and as he turned to face her she almost cried; he was unsure and lost; he was scared.

He turned to Locke. "What do you want?" Locke didn't answer right away; he pulled the knife from the sheath on his belt and a zippo lighter from his pocket and smiled as he held them up together.

"We want you, Sawyer. We want your power, your force. You could rule this place, you and Walt, but you seem to want to be stubborn and destroy it." He flicked the lighter and a flame popped up; he held the knife edge over the flame, turning it slightly to get the blade hot.

"Don't you dare, Locke. I will fucking _kill_ you."

Locke held the light still, looking up at Sawyer. "Join us. Come to our side, save this paradise instead of killing it." He was looking a little crazily at Kate.

Eko, help me, he thought. I don't know what to do.

It came to him; Eko's voice ehcoed through his mind. _Do what you know is right, James. Katherine knows it too._

He smiled grimly at Locke. "No. This place is evil, John."

Locke shrugged sadly and went to a terrified Kate; he held the knife up, and said, "Where should I put it first, Sawyer?" He waved it over her bare arm then jabbed the still-hot tip of it into the fleshy part of her bicep, twisting it just a little as she tried to jerk away. He pulled it out and she stopped struggling, panting as she gazed at Saywer, trying to draw strength from him.

He was staring back at her, tears in his eyes as he said softly, "I'm sorry, Kate."

She smiled at him through her sweaty strands of hair and replied, "Don't be, Cowboy."

Locke smiled at them. "Sweet." He flicked the lighter on again and held the knife over it, staring at Sawyer. "So, I guess that means you're still not giving in. Okay." He eyed the gaping wound in her arm, blood drizzling down and dripping from her fingertips; this time he laid the flat of the red-hot blade against her collarbone, holding it there as she screamed; when he pulled it away it had pieces of her flesh stuck to it.

Sawyer was about to explode; he couldn't take any more. Kate's screams were ripping him to pieces and the sight of her burnt flesh coming off on the blade of Locke's knife was making him spark like a roman candle.

Sara was horrified; she whispered to Jack, "Why don't you do something, Jack?"

He was staring at Ana, whose hands were still tied behind her; she looked terrified and he whispered back, "I can't."

Kate was panting harshly, the barrel of the gun moving along with her breath. "Doing good, James," she said, smiling a little as blood from her neck stained the front of her purple tank black.

He wanted to touch her, to heal her wounds and take away the pain he could see in her eyes. He could feel it, too, every burn, every cut, everything she felt he felt it too. It strengthened him, made him burn brighter, like an angry star; instead of weakening him they were building him up to a height they couldn't imagine. "Thanks, Freckles. You too."

Locke shook his head in frustration. "Sawyer, the only way this can end is with her dead." He held the blade to Kate's throat. "Unless you come to us. Save her, Sawyer, and save yourself. You can still have everything you've ever wanted, you can have what it is you desire so much."

The edge of the blade pressed into Kate's skin; he could see it creasing as Locke applied pressure. A thin trickle of blood ran from beneath the knife, and Kate was so scared her knees were knocking; she gazed at him with love and forgiveness and he exploded; he seemed to _swell_, to take up the entire glade with his presence. Everything turned a hazy blue as he screamed and the trees ringing the clearing burst into flames, exploding with the force of the heat.

The air tightened and drew around him as he shook, calling down the heavens; it blew out with a sonic boom that shook the ground beneath their feet and a shockwave knocked everyone to the ground. Sawyer ran to Kate and grabbed her, kicking Locke in the face as he passed; running into the jungle he stopped and let out a cry; Kate's throat was slit and she was gurgling helplessly at him, her eyes staring blankly at the sky.


	83. Chapter 83

**Chapter 83**

The clearing was silent except for a few soft, painful groans as everyone stirred; Locke felt his face gingerly; his nose was broken. He hadn't expected that from Sawyer; glancing at the blackened remnants of the trees ringing the clearing he shuddered at the force behind the blast.

Ana was trying to get up but her hands were still tied behind her back; Locke went to her and helped her up as he began undoing her bonds. "Sorry, Ana. Guess we didn't need to tie you after all." He smiled and she knew he was lying; he had tied her to keep Jack in line. Jack was helping Sara up; Ana felt a sudden sharp stab of pity for the poor woman, she just crashed and now this? Her pity faded and anger grew as Sara kissed Jack sweetly on the cheek.

"Yeah, sure, John. What the hell _was_ that?" She gazed at the ruined trees too, trying not to look at Jack with Sara. What the hell was he doing?

Jack and Sara joined them. "What was that, John?" Jack snapped, and he wasn't talking about the blast. "Where are Kate and Sawyer?"

Locke snapped back. "How the hell should I know? Did you think they would stick around?" He glanced nervously around the clearing; the other three men were gone. "Damn!" He kicked at a piece of wood and as he did his leg gave way just a little but he caught himself, grimacing as he did. I know, I know, he thought. Just give me more time.

As if in response the dusky twilight lifted and the day was sunny and bright; Locke smiled to himself and turned to the others. "We have to move out."

Jack shook his head; he couldn't believe what Locke had done; well, he could, but he didn't _want_ to. He was trying to be angry and disgusted but Old Jack was having a hard time swimming to the surface; Ana was staring at him and New Jack was in control. "You okay, Ana?" he asked softly.

She smiled wanly, noticing Sara's hand on Jack's arm; she fought the urge to slap Sara's hand away and grab him. "Yeah, you?" She was looking at him, her eyes full of emotions he couldn't read and he glanced down at Sara's hand on him.

He smiled at Sara, then gently lifted her hand and removed it from his arm; he went to Ana, pulling her close and kissing her as Sara looked on, feeling a little sick. He pulled away from her and said, "I'm okay. I was worried for you, though."

The day was much brighter as Ana said, "I was worried for me, too." She touched his cheek. "I'm glad you came back." He kissed her again, hungrily; her arms went around his neck and she sighed against his lips. Kate, Sawyer, Sara, John- they all were forgotten as Jack made his decision; the Island had to be saved. He couldn't lose Ana, not now, not when he was finally feeling a little happiness.

Locke didn't interrupt them; smiling to himself, he glanced at Sara; she was staring at Jack sadly, as if she had lost something. Interesting.

The trees rumbled and the ground shook and they all turned to look at the tree line; Sawyer came bursting through the bushes, his eyes blazing and the earth shaking beneath his feet; he was beautiful and terrible and Locke quivered in fear as Sawyer's eyes landed on him.

Fury snapped from his eyes as he waved his hands, lifting Locke into the air as he stormed up to him. "Do you know what you did?"

His voice rolled through the jungle, shaking them all; it was deep and soft and violent and absolutely terrifying; Sawyer was someone else, a demon, a God, and angel...the devil. John was frozen, staring into his snapping blue eyes as he shook him, hard.

"Locke, you son of a bitch, do you know what you've DONE!" He threw him across the clearing like a rag doll, slamming his back into one of the ruined tree trunks. Locke groaned a little as Sawyer waved his hand and jerked him back in front of him. "I told you if anything happened to her I was going to kill you." He was shaking and sparks were flying from his fingertips; he let out one long bolt that caught John squarely in the chest as he held him in midair and John screamed, writhing in agony as it burned him.

Jack started forward but Sawyer threw him a glance, snarling, "Don't, Doc. I can kill you too."

"You can kill me Sawyer," Locke said, panting as the bolt died away, "but that won't stop them. They'll kill you eventually. And Kate."

It didn't get the reaction he was looking for. Blue fury swirled itself into a ball and Sawyer threw Locke across the clearing so hard he felt the tree trunk he hit snap in two. "Kate's already dead!"

Jack paled and blanched; even Ana froze for a second, and Sara started crying softly. She didn't know what the hell was going on here, but she wanted to get away from it all, especially Jack and that woman.

Locke began to be really frightened; Kate was dead? "Is she, now?"

Sawyer pulled him close, holdng him suspended in midair as he stared into his eyes; Locke recoiled from what he saw there. "You killed her, John. You slit her throat and she died in my arms. So guess what?" Ice dropped down into Locke's gut as he met Sawyer's eyes. "I was going to kill you. But Kate, who you tortured and murdered, used her last breath to ask me not to." He smiled and Locke wished he _would_ kill him; the intenity of the gaze was burning his eyes, blinding him, turning to ashes what was left of his heart. "It doesn't matter," Sawyer continued. "I'm dead, too."

He dropped his hand and Locke crumpled to the ground, finally unfrozen enough to speak. ""I didn't kill her, James. You did."

A bright blue bolt shot from Sawyer's hand and caught John in the throat, knocking him backwards and leaving a scorching burn where it hit. He opened his mouth and tried to speak but nothing came out but air. Grasping his throat he looked at Sawyer helplessly. "Don't _ever_ call me James. Only _she_ did that. I ain't him anymore anyway. He's dead, too."

Old Jack peeped to the surface, just for a second, and he allowed himself to feel something for Kate's loss. "I'm sorry, Sawyer."

Sawyer turned his blazing blue eyes on Jack and he could see the tears behind them. Smiling sadly, Sawyer said, "Yeah, Doc. Me too."

He melted into the trees.

-----

She was staring up at him, helplessly, blood running from her throat and her breath gurgling through the slit as she tried to breathe; Sawyer dropped to his knees and placed his hands on her, willing her to heal but panic kept breaking his concentration and he could feel her weakening as he tried again. Her hands gripped his arm as she convulsed, trying to get air into her starving lungs; her skin was deathly white as the blood poured from her throat. He cried out and sobbed, "Please, Kate, help me. Please."

She stopped convulsing and was still; he didn't dare look down at her, afraid of what he would find. His eyes closed, he pushed away the panic and imagined her, whole and happy against him, her body pressed to his, her mouth sweet on his skin. Tears dripped from his cheeks as he pictured them together, as one; she stirred a little and his heart lifted, giving him the energy and courage to look down; her eyes were open and she was staring at him, tears welling up in her eyes.

He sobbed and threw himself on her, caressing her face, her hair, anything he could reach; she held him, close, sobbing a little herself until his lips fell hungrily on hers smothering the tears and the hurt. "Kate," he cried against her, "I thought I lost you." He clutched her so tight she couldn't breathe and his sobs shook her to her soul; they were so raw and harsh.

"It's okay," she said, crying against his mouth, "I'm okay."

He sat up, pulling her up into his arms and holding her, rocking her softly as his sobs tapered off. "I love you, Kate. I love you. Please don't ever scare me like that again."

Her arms went around his neck and she buried her face in his chest, breathing him into her. He was calming down, now, and his shaking was subsiding a little. "I love you, James."

They sat, contented, for a few minutes, then he said, "They're going to keep coming, Kate. As long as they think they can use you against me..." his eyes glazed over and he looked into the distance, smiling a little. "Unless they think you're dead."

He felt her smile against his shoulder. "What are you cooking up? We just gonna hide out forever?"

"No, Kate," he said softly, "We finish this. I want to have you, happy and safe, and that will never happen here. So, we push on and we _finish_ it. But if they think you're dead, then maybe I won't be such a threat, they'll leave us alone. For a while, anyway."

She sighed; she preferred to hide forever. "Okay, James." She glanced up at him and their eyes met; he caressed her cheek softly and she said, "I love you. Only you, James."

He smiled and kissed her softly. "I know, Freckles, I know." Vincent came padding up to them looking happy; he chuffed and Saywer said, "Good. Vincent, stay with her, bite the shit out of anyone who comes around, okay?"

Vincent grinned and licked Kate on the side of the face; she laughed and wiped it away. "Be careful, James." He grinned at her and started back towards Locke's group. "Don't kill anybody!"

He didn't look back, just waved over his shoulder, and Kate sighed as he disappeared; rubbing Vincent's ears she said to him, "Which one you think he's gonna fry, Fido?"


	84. Chapter 84

**Chapter 84**

It took an hour for Locke's voice to come back, he sat apart from the others as they stayed in the clearing, recovering. Jack sat between Ana and Sara, his head bowed over his pulled-up knees. Ana's hand was on his thigh, possessively, and he refrained from telling her the truth about Sara; she was agitated enough, and he didn't want to upset her more.

Sara was in shock; her face was pale and drawn and she looked a little sick. Jack felt bad and he said, "Sara, are you okay?" He felt Ana's hand tighten on him, and he glanced at her, shaking his head, and her grip relaxed.

Sara nodded, but she wasn't really. It was all too much to take in at once; Jack was alive, and she had somehow crashed on the same Island as him; there were a bunch of crazy people here and they all had guns; one of them could heal people and create explosions and lightning with his hands, and she had the sinking feeling that this was all just the tip of the iceberg. She thought briefly about her students, back in Chicago; they had been reading _Lord of the Flies_ and Sara felt eerily like she had been dropped into the center of the book, only instead of children playing at savagery, there were adults who had sunk completely into it. "What in the world is going on here?"

Jack laughed but it was bitter. "Who knows? I'm as lost as you." He glanced at her, sighing. "Sara, how did you end up here? This place is not for you." He didn't expect an answer, and he didn't get one, she just looked at him, sadly. "It's dangerous. Maybe we should take you back to camp."

Ana didn't say anything but she agreed wholeheartedly; she didn't like the something between them and she wondered what Jack was hiding from her. How did her know her? The bond between them was too much for just-

It struck her, suddenly, and her eyes narrowed; blonde hair, blue eyes, Sara. Damn. "You're his ex."

Jack flinched a little; he glanced at Ana. She was staring at him, a little hurt and a little scared; he could see that she considered Sara a threat, and that made her dangerous. He put his hand softly on Ana's and kissed her; he felt her relax as he said, "Yeah. Sara is my _ex_-wife. I don't think you two have been introduced. Ana-Lucia Cortez, Sara Shepard."

Sara blanched. "Preston." Jack glanced at her and she looked away. "Sara Preston. I got married a...few weeks ago."

"Congratulations." He didn't sound like he meant it.

"Thanks." The silence strained between them; finally Sara said, "Well. I guess you want to know what else has been going on at home?"

He said yes, but he wasn't really listening; Ana's hand had slid further down his thigh and it was now resting uncomfortably _close_ to him and he couldn't think about anything else. Vaguely he heard Sara talking about his mom, how she wasn't doing great and he felt a distant tug of sadness but Ana's exploring fingers kept him rooted in the present, in the reality they existed in. He fought down a groan as she squeezed him, gently, and only supreme effort kept him from flinging her to the ground and taking her in front of Locke and Sara. His eyes glazed over as he felt the button on his jeans pop open and her hand slide inside; he snorted, laughing, trying not to moan aloud and Locke looked over at them and grinned; he could see Ana's hand and part of Jack's face, and he nodded. Good girl, Ana. Jack tried to stifle another groan as Ana's fingers touched him and he looked aside at her, warningly; she grinned and removed her hand.

"...so thankfully your mother has someone staying with her." Sara noticed that he wasn't really paying attention, and her heart sank; she was happy for Jack, though, glad that he had found someone who made him happy. I know I never did, she thought. Not really.

He tore his eyes away from Ana, his heart still beating wildly, and he said, "Who is staying with mom?" His eyes were slightly glazed and she knew that look; she _had_ been married to him after all. Her cheeks flushed a little and she waved it off, turning her head. "Never mind, it's not important." She kept her eyes averted, and Jack felt a little guilty, and he looked apologetically at Ana as he stood, stretching. Time to move on; the atmosphere was getting a little stuffy.

As Jack rose, Ana and Sara looked at each other, their eyes meeting; Sara gave Ana a small smile, and said, softly, "Congratulations to you, too."

Her eyes crinkled as she smiled back. "Thanks. He's a great guy."

Jack peered down at her. "I can hear you, you know."

She gazed back up at him, taking his hand as he pulled her up. "I know you can."

He offered his hand to Sara, and Ana didn't care; Sara wasn't going to be a problem. She hoped.

Locke rose also and came over to them; he was moving slowly and painfully after being thrown against the trees. "Are you all okay?" He seemed genuinely concerned and Jack nodded after a second.

"I wish you hadn't done that, Locke," he said, and he was serious; he hadn't wanted Kate to die. Watching Locke torture her had made him sick; only by keeping his eyes on Ana, terrified and tied up, could he stop himself from trying to make Locke stop. Ana was the prize; he had to keep his eyes on her and hopefully the ends would justify the means.

"I had to, Jack." He winced as he stepped closer. "You see the power he has? That power is because of her; without her it's gone. He's vulnerable."

Jack nodded. "So we go after him now?" He wanted to get this over with, be done with it.

Locke shook his head. "No, his fury will drive him for a while. Do you want to go up against him as he is?"

He groaned a little as he moved and Jack grinned. "No, I think waiting might be better." Locke gave him a sarcstic smile. "So what do we do now? Wait here?" He glanced at Sara; she was staring at him in horror; he was talking about going after someone to kill them as if it were nothing. She was wrong; he had changed and not for the better. "Maybe we should take Sara back to camp."

Locke shook his head. "No, that will take too long. We're going to the new hatch."

-----

Sawyer came back to find Kate sitting on a rock, talking to Vincent and Kotori; she glanced up as he came through the bushes and smiled. He was momentarily stunned by how damn beautiful she was, with the sun streaming down on her and her skin still red in places where he had healed her. His heart still thudded crazily when he thought of how close he had come to losing her and he went to her, quickly, drawing her up against him and kissing her as Kitori fluttered angrily off of her shoulder.

He was warm and sweaty and she pressed herself closer, molding her body to his; his tongue traced hers softly and she shivered, then drew back, catching her breath. "You didn't kill anyone did you?" She hoped he hadn't.

"No, Freckles," he said, chuckling in her ear, "But I beat the crap out of Locke."

He sounded so proud of himself that she had to laugh; anyway, he _had_ tortured her so she couldn't feel sorry for Sawyer kicking the shit out of him. "Was everyone okay?"

He shrugged; he hadn't really paid attention. "I guess. They were all standin'." He kissed her once more, delighting in the feel of her soft lips and her softer hands, then said, reluctantly, "Come on, Kate. We need to get in somewhere, figure out what we're gonna do."

Kotori suddenly chirped madly then fluttered away into the forest, his little bronze wings shining in the sunlight. Vincent woofed after him, and Sawyer said, "Where's he goin'?" He barked a couple of times, then turned his back and started towards the chapel. "Okay. We'll be right behind you."

Kate looked at him quizzically and said, "Taking directions from Vincent now?"

Sawyer grinned, grazing his lips against hers. "Well, he is a pretty smart dog." He glanced in the direction the little owl had gone. "Hootie went to spy for us, and we're goin' back to the chapel." He suddenly looked very tired and Kate was exhausted too; it was still early in the day but they both felt drained; as if ten years had passed instead of a few hours. They sagged against each other, and Vincent woofed; sighing, Sawyer pulled himself away from her. "The master calls," he whispered, and she smiled, leaning against him as they melted into the jungle.

-----

Sara was walking slowly behind the others; she wasn't used to the heat or the humidity and it was wearing her down and she was just plain exhausted anyway. She was among strangers; her joy and finding Jack was tempered by the knowledge that he wasn't really Jack, he had become something else, and she wondered if it was the Island that had done it to him, or was it her? They had barely spoken since the divorce; he really was a stranger, the man she knew was from another life even before the crash.

Jack wasn't paying attention to her at all; he was wrapped up in Ana, and Sara felt a small flash of jealousy. She couldn't complain, though, she had left him, abandoned him, and she had no one but herself to blame, though she thought things might have been different if she'd had _this_ Jack instead.

She didn't like the way things were going; Kate and Sawyer had saved her, and been nothing but kind and compassionate, and now she was with the people who had killed Kate and were going to try to kill Sawyer, and she hated herself, suddenly, for going along just because it was Jack; she didn't know him anymore and he didn't want to know her. She wished she had some way to warn Sawyer, to tell him that they were going to come after him again, to tell him she was sorry about Kate.

A little gold ball whickered over her head and she glanced up, catching sight of it as it slowed and dropped into her hand. She stared at the little owl, and smiled; she had seen it with Sawyer before. She glanced up at the others; they all had their backs to her, ignoring the fact that she was there and she smiled grimly, holding the little bird cupped in her hand, whispering to it. Chirruping softly, Kitori blinked his cool blue eyes and flew away as Sara grinned to herself. She had a purpose. She was here, with Jack, for a reason.


	85. Chapter 85

**Chapter 85**

Sawyer knew that the lie about Kate being dead wouldn't give them much time; They would know the truth soon enough. Both of them walked slowly, wearily, through the jungle; they leaned together, taking strength from the feel of their bodies touching and the gentle sun warming their skin, and Sawyer held her close, rejoicing in the life in her, the life that he had almost snuffed out because he lost his temper. His..._explosion_ had made Locke's knife slide across her throat, he was sure, though he kept telling himself that Locke did it on purpose. It didn't really matter anyway; she was here, next to him now, and she wouldn't blame him even if he was right. He pushed the thoughts away and concentrated on the delicious feel of her fingertips on his chest, burning him through his shirt, and the way she moved, sinuous and supple, and how her eyes shone in the sun as she leaned her head on his shoulder.

Vincent trotted ahead of them, eyeing the jungle warily; Kate watched him sniffing the air, head up, tail raised, and suddenly she loved that dog more than anything except Sawyer. He had been ever faithful and loyal since their journey began, and she thought of the all the times he had reunited them, brought them together when they refused to come together on their own. "Vincent!"

He turned and trotted to Kate, who bent and kissed him gently on the nose, and hugged his furry neck; his tail was wagging happily and he chuffed against her neck, blowing drool all over her. She laughed and wiped the slobber away, wiping it on her jeans as she straightened. Sawyer said, "What was that for?"

She looked at the happily wiggling Vincent and she shrugged. "I just love him." Vincent started barking happily, jumping in crazy circles, his tongue lolling out.

Sawyer chuckled. "He loves you, too." Raising his eyebrows he said, "Should I be worried, Freckles?"

Cocking her head at him she grinned, making his heart flutter. "Maybe. I like shaggy haired blondes." She ran her fingers through his hair, pulling it back from his face; he shivered as her hand pulled his mouth to hers, gently, savoring the way he moaned softly against her lips, his hands clutching her convulsively as the kiss deepened and sweetened; the sun brightened around them, and the birds sang harmoniously in the trees, even the insects created their own music as the world came down to Kate and James; they were the only two beings in existence, then they were one.

Sawyer finally pulled away from her and he smiled, she touched his lips and grinned back. The kiss had energized them; the chapel wasn't far, and they walked with a little more speed and spring as they came closer to the little church. They felt a connection to the place, and not just because of the baptism, though that made being there sweeter for them; it was safe there, they were the most secure they could possibly be in this crazy place. It was a sanctuary in an Island of insecurity and Kate couldn't wait to get there. She was still terrified for Sawyer, and for herself; she knew the lie would only delay them and they would have to run again soon. She hated that; she never wanted to run again. That was a different Kate, from a different life; running wasn't an impulse anymore since she had found a reason to stay put.

The little stone church finally appeared before them, materializing out of the jungle; Sawyer made Kate and Vincent wait inside the gate while he checked everything out. She patted Vincent while they waited, and he gazed up at her with slavish affection, his brown doggy eyes shining in the sunlight. Every few seconds he'd lick her hand, rapturously, and she laughed at the look on his face. "Would you stop that?"

He wagged his tail and woofed, then jumped up and licked her face. "Ugh, stop, would you? I'm sorry I said anything." She was grinning though, and Vincent woofed again and sat beside her, grinning up at her. "Okay. I love you, you silly dog. You better knock it off, you're gonna make James mad." She smirked at him a little, and said, "And you know what happens when he gets mad." She waggled her fingers at him and he rolled his eyes, as if to say, Yeah, I'm scared. Kate laughed and hugged him again. "I do love you, dog."

Sawyer reappeared in the doorway, looking hurt. "I thought I was the only one, Freckles." He grabbed his chest, sighing and falling back against the doorframe. "You broke my heart, girl."

"Well," she grinned wickedly, pointing at Vincent's lolling tongue, "You just couldn't compete with that, Tex." Vincent's eyebrows shot up and he stopped panting, drawing his tongue back into his mouth and looking at Kate with surprise.

Sawyer almost fell over laughing at the dog's expression; Kate was right, he loved the damn dog, too. "Get in here," he said, still chuckling at Vincent. Kate started to brush past him but he stopped her, catching her hand and pulling her close. "I love you, Kate."

She smiled and leaned against him, sliding her hands against the skin under his shirt, feeling his heart beating against her cheek. "I love you, too, James." She glanced up at him, her eyes shining. "Thank you for saving me."

He kissed the top of her head, whispering softly into her hair. "Don't thank me for that, baby. That's what I'm here for." They were quiet for a minute, then he added, "Well, something else, too."

She grinned and slipped away from him; he followed her and shut the door, waving his hands to put the pews against it. Fatigue slipped up on her again and she crawled into the makeshift bed; the flowers were still there, though a little worse for wear but she didn't care as she felt Sawyer crawl next to her, wrapping her up in his arms. He held her close, kissing the back of her neck, her shoulders, her ears, as his hands splayed protectively across her stomach. He didn't want sex- well, he _always_ wanted sex, but he was content to just lay beside her, feel her warm body and hear her breath as it evened out into a gentle sleep; he loved her with a completeness and totality that still frightened him with it's intensity.

He was scared; without Eko to guide him he was lost, he didn't know where he was supposed to go or what exactly he was supposed to do and he didn't know how to continue. He was playing it by ear, like a con, going with the flow, but so much more than money hung in the balance here; if he messed up, if he made a mistake, he lost Kate and there was nothing to replace her. His hands convulsed against her and she stirred and mumbled; he couldn't hear the words but he could _feel_ them and he smiled and buried his face in her hair. "I love you, too, baby. We're gonna be just fine."

-----

After Kotori flew off Sara tried to keep up a little better; she wanted to hear what they were saying, hoping to catch some information she could send back to Sawyer. She wasn't sure why she trusted him so easily, why he seemed so _right_, but after seeing the change wrought in Jack she was sure she couldn't trust him.

She wished for the millionth time that she knew what the heck was going on; speeding up a little she caught up to Jack and Ana, who were talking quietly and holding hands. They didn't acknowledge her at all; she finally cleared her throat and Jack tore himself from Ana long enough to give her a terse, "Yeah?"

Asshole, she thought, then smiled. If she wanted to get anything she was going to have to play a part, act a role. "I was just wondering if you would mind filling me in a bit on what's been going on. You've been here two months- why hasn't anyone come?"

They slowed down a little; Jack felt a pang of guilt at ignoring her all this time. She looked tired and wan and he realized that she had been in a plane crash just a few hours ago, found him alive after thinking he wasn't, seen John torture Kate and kill her, and seen Sawyer throw Locke with a wave of his hands and shoot him with a bolt of lightning. It was a wonder she wasn't gibbering like a lunatic.

He stopped, and smiled apologetically at her. "I'm sorry, Sara. I'm being an ass." He laughed at her amazed expression. "Yeah, yeah, I know. Look, I promise I'll fill you in when we stop and have time, it's a long, long story."

She nodded, a little disappointed. "Okay." She looked at Locke disappearing into the trees and she said, a little sheepishly, "Could you ask him to slow down? I-I'm really tired."

Jack nodded and squeezed Ana's hand; she cast him a smoldering look before she ran up to Locke, apparently passing on the request. He glanced back at Sara and smiled, nodding. "Sorry!"

Who were these people? They were discussing murder like baseball scores an hour ago, and now they were the nicest folks on earth; Sara didn't buy it. It was an act; she dealt with lying teenagers enough to know when she was being put on. At least the pace did slow; she finally caught her breath as they walked and it was easier to keep close to Jack and hear what they were saying.

"...thinks this hatch may be another surveillance post, to watch the skies for planes. Like the Shark hatch."

Ana said, "What about the other red area? The one between the mountains?"

Jack shrugged. "He said he doesn't know, and the Others wouldn't tell him. I guess we'll end up there eventually."

None of that made any sense to Sara; hatches? Surveillance systems? Where _was_ she?

They came out of the jungle suddenly, and a long range of mountains stretched before them. Sara gaped at them; she had caught glimpes of them while they were walking but she had no idea of how _big_ they were. Locke was looking up and down at them and staring at a piece of paper he had unfolded; Sara edged up to him and said, "Can I see?"

Locke smiled and held the map out for her; she got a look at the Island she had landed on. "Big place," he said, and his eyes crinkled as he grinned at her. "Guess you must be kinda freaked out."

She smiled back and nodded; Locke chuckled and pointed out an area in the lower southwestern area of the map. "That's our camp. Not long after we crashed we found these caves," he moved his finger to the caves, then slid it up to the Swan Hatch. "That's is the Swan Hatch; we found that a few weeks after we crashed." He glanced around, and said, "The plane broke into three pieces; Jack and Kate found the cockpit the day after and the tail section," he moved his finger to the extreme northwest, "landed here. Ana was on the tail section. We didn't know they were alive until Sawyer and a few others built a raft and tried to sail off to find help. They ended up here," he moved his finger to an area a little south of the tailies' beach, and said, "They met up and all of them came back to our camp."

Sara gazed at the map, storing it away in her memory. "How many survived?"

"Including the tailies, about seventy-five."

She nodded, blowing out her breath. "That's a fair few." Locke smiled, and shook his head.

"We've had a few...accidents. I think at last count we had forty-something people between the beach and the caves."

Sara blanched. "What happened to the others?"

He shrugged. "Like I said, accidents happen."

She looked askance at him, a little disturbed at his nonchalance. "That's a lot of accidents." She held his eyes for a second, then she dropped her gaze back to the map. "Where are we now?"

Locke stared at her for another second, then pointed to a spot next to the brown mountain ridge, about halfway down. "We're here," he said, and she saw the words Eagle Hatch written on the side of the mountain. "and we're going there."

Sara gazed up at the range towering above her and she groaned. "Great."


	86. Chapter 86

**Chapter 86**

The climb up the mountain was tough and Sara struggled behind the others; she was a schoolteacher for God's sake, she didn't get to hike much. Forget going to the gym, she thought, those women ought to try this instead. The Jungle Workout.

She was soaked with sweat and she said a quick prayer of thanks that she had dressed comfortably for the plane ride home from Sydney; she had on jeans and a loose fitting t-shirt, and, she said a more fervent prayer, tennis shoes. Kicking herself she realized that she hadn't grabbed any of her clothes from the plane; they had been all over the place, where her travel bag had burst open. She hoped they had extra clothes back at their camp.

It felt like hours; the sun was hot on her neck and she actually _missed_ the jungle, at least there was shade. The air was heavy and wet; there was no breeze to cool her and she hoped to God they found the hatch soon, so she could at least sit down and get her breath, find some shade, something. The shock was wearing off a little and she was hurting, sore; she had been in a _plane crash_ and the thought still made her stomach watery with dread.

Locke stopped and pulled out the map and gazed at it while he tried to judge their position; they should be just about at the hatch. "Start looking around," he said, and glanced around them; they were on a high plateau dotted with boulders and scrubby underbrush; the trees were scraggly, and the only plant life that seemed to flourish was the high, dense grass. "I'm guessing it's going to be a ground hatch, and not the airlock."

They all started looking for something; Sara didn't join them, sitting under one of the runty trees instead and drinking from a water bottle Jack had given her earlier. She was exhausted, bewildered, and aching down to her very bones; she let her thoughts dwell on dreams of a hot bath and a soft bed before bringing herself back to reality. She had no idea what they were looking for, and anyway, she didn't really feel inclined to help them. She loved Jack, and always would; he had made her a whole person again, physically, and he had tried to make her whole spiritually, though that hadn't played out right for either of them. His behaviour, though, his actions were wrong and she was frightened at the change in him, and more than a little disgusted. She had always thought of Jack as her hero, her knight in shining armor, even when things fell apart; now he was just one very short step away from becoming a murderer. He'd already helped with one.

Locke noticed her sitting under the tree and he came to her, looking concerned. She looked horrible; pale and drawn, with dark circles under her eyes and tired lines around her mouth. "Hey, Sara," he asked, squatting down next to her, "You did a good job coming up the mountain. I know you're tired; if this hatch is anything like the others there will be a shower and a bed, and you'll be able to rest and eat." She didn't want to, but her eyes wandered up to Locke's at the mention of a shower and a bed; he chuckled and said, "This is an Island of miracles, Sara."

Apparently, she thought. "What other miracles have happened?"

He grinned at her and rose, rubbing the back of his head. "That is a story for another time. But believe me, they have happened." He nodded to her water bottle and said, "If you need more there's one next to my pack; help yourself. And just rest, you've had a rough day."

She smiled back, waving the bottle she held in her hand. "Thanks. If you tell me what you're looking for I may get up in a while and help."

He looked away, then glanced back at her. "I don't really know; like a submarine hatch, I guess, but buried in the ground; at least that's how the other two we found were." he shook his head. "Don't overextend yourself, Sara. Get some rest, take a nap, drink some water. Let us worry about the hatch."

She smiled and nodded, but to herself she thought, he doesn't trust me. I have to be more careful. "Okay," she said, and she drank another long sip of water before leaning back against the tree and closing her eyes; Locke smiled as she relaxed and he turned back to helping Jack and Ana. Sara cracked her eyes and watched him go; she didn't trust him either, he gave her cold chills after what he'd done to Kate.

The day was warm, but the shade was cool and a swift breeze kicked up, lifting Sara's sweaty hair from her forehead; the plateau was quiet, just the droning of insects and the distant murmur of Jack and Ana's voices and she was _so_ tired, so exhausted...her eyes closed of their own accord and she dozed off, dreaming about black clouds and blue lightning.

-----

Sawyer was by the pool, in the jungle, in the glade where Eko had been killed; it was dark, but not night; the sun glimmered weakly behind a thin hazy screen of smoke. The glade was quiet and he turned around, frantically; where was Kate? He opened his mouth to call for her but there was no sound, and he clutched at his throat, screaming silently for her.

_Look into the pool._

He stopped as the voice whispered in his ear; he stepped up to the little waterfall and hesitated before he looked down. There was nothing but a black swirl in the water, then it shaped and materialized into his reflection; he gasped a little as he saw himself, thin scars over his eyebrows and down one cheek; hollow, gaunt eyes and thick stubble, and a lost, hopeless look in his eyes.

He started to turn away; he couldn't stand looking at himself; movement caught his eye and the reflection shimmered then swirled into Eko. Sawyer fell to his knees by the pool, his knees getting muddy and wet, he cupped his hands in the water, but Eko just smiled and waited until the water stilled. _Hello, James._

"Eko? Eko, help me. I don't know what to do." Panic flooded him and he gazed wildly around for Kate...he needed her, to ease him, to help him.

_James, listen to me. You have done well but there are other obstacles ahead. Vincent will guide you, listen to him. He is not just a dog._

Sawyer's heart started to slow to a normal pace and he gazed at Eko, sadly. "Why did you do it, Ed? I could have saved you."

Eko's reflection mirrored his sad expression. _It was what had to be done. You are ready, James, to do what you must. Remember your abilities, use them. All of them._

Terror gripped his heart again and he said, "Where's Kate?" The panic was washing over him again; he couldn't breathe without her next to him, the smoke was stuffy and it burned his eyes and he said, almost sobbing, "Where is she, Ed?"

Eko smiled serenely, his reflection rippling as a tiny fish jumped from the water, coming back down with a bitty splash. _Listen to Vincent, James. He will steer you right. And Kate is next to you, sleeping soundly. Wake up, James. Wake up. _

The dark smoke cleared as his eyes opened to warm rays of sunshine streaming through the chapel ceiling; Kate was pushing against him and touching him urgently, kissing him as soon as she realized his eyes were open. Her hands were all over him and she was shaking a little; he caught her face in his fingers and said, "Hey, Freckles, what is it?"

Her hands didn't stop moving across his chest and she said, shakily, "I had a dream, that you were gone, and I called you and called you but you were _gone_, then Vincent came to me and he could talk, or I could understand him, and he said that you were going to die no matter what and I should start preparing myself for it now." She dissolved into sobs.

He held her for a few seconds, then said, "And you choose to prepare by molesting me in my sleep?"

She snorted out something between a laugh and a sob, and he felt her relax just a little; she hiccupped through her tears, "It seemed like as good a plan as any."

He stroked her hair, murnuring gently against her forehead, "Kate, Kate, it was just a dream." But it wasn't; it was no coincidence that he had dreamed about Eko telling him to listen to Vincent at the same time she dreamed about Vincent, telling her to prepare for his death.

The knowledge of what lay before him made him shake; he pulled Kate to him, kissing her hungrily, as if he were a condemned man having his last meal; she slid on top of him, and he supposed he should prepare too, and he pulled Kate down to him, wrapping her hair into his fists as he fought to hold onto her, onto his life, with every ounce of the power he had within.

_Very good, James. The future is not written in stone. It is like sand, ever shifting and changing; but it **can** be molded; you can build a sandcastle for her if you wish._ There was a pause and Eko's voice whispered again, a hint of a laugh in it. _Don't listen to **everything** Vincent says._

Shitty timing us usual, Ed, he thought, and Eko's sweet laughter echoed in his head as Kate pulled back, flushed and breathless, looking at him strangely. "What's wrong?" she panted.

His hands slid up under her shirt and caressed the muscles of her stomach; then they slid higher and Kate gasped and moaned as he moved inside her, groaning aloud at the warmth and pleasure. "Nothing, Freckles," he gasped as she rocked softly over him, her hair brushing against his face as he grasped it, pulling her lips to his. "Everything is perfect."

And it was.


	87. Chapter 87

**Chapter 87**

Sawyer sat on the edge of the stone pool, eyeing the door with an intense stare; Kate had insisted on going to get them some food since Sawyer didn't seem to be able to produce it like water. "Some special one you are, Tex," she teased. "Can't even conjure up some bread and butter."

"All you're gonna conjure up is some more fruit, Freckles, so don't act like such a hero." He grinned at the nasty look she threw him, and said, "Be careful. Go with her, Vincent." They left together, stepping out into the bright afternoon sun; after sleeping for a few hours, wrapped up together in peace they were renewed, their batteries charged and ready to run.

He was glad they were gone, kind of, though he missed her physical presence; his head was swimming and Kate was too much of a distraction for him to contemplate clearly and put his thoughts in order. He perched on the stone ledge around the pool and dropped his head in his hands, running them through his hair. Locke would come for Kate again, he was sure, or someone would; they probably already knew she wasn't dead so he didn't want to count on that.

Eko had said to use all of his abilities; he tried to sort out what he meant by that. There was the telekinesis, of course, he knew how that worked, then there was the lightning, and he was pretty sure he had a good grasp on that too. The healing he had down; he'd been getting enough practice at it lately. The water he wasn't sure of; maybe they weren't supposed to drink the water here or something; he made a mental note to ask Vincent about it later. Which led to the other power, talking to animals. He could talk to all of them, but some wouldn't respond; mostly the little creatures came to him, chittering and chirping. He supposed he could ask them to keep watch and spy on the others, and he added that to his list of things to talk to Vincent about.

There was something else he wanted to talk to the dog about but he pushed that aside; he didn't want to think about it now, not when he felt so alive and complete.

Kotori came fluttering in, lighting on Sawyer's shoulder and chittering madly; Kate and Vincent came in behind him, breathless and glowing. Kate went to Sawyer and kissed him, hard; physical excercise always got her libido flowing a little. She pulled some fruit out of her bag and handed it to him, and he sighed, though not too heavily; since realizing the animals could talk he had been a little reluctant to actually eat any of them.

Eyeing the fruit with dismay he said, "I love you, Freckles, but if someone came up right now and offered me a hamburger for you, I believe I'd take the cow."

She glared at him, mockingly, and said through tight lips, "I hope for your sake you were talking about the burger."

He chuckled and said, "Yep, baby, I'd turn you over for a quarter pound of beef."

"That's all I'm worth to you? A hamburger?" She crossed her arms, grinning at him.

He shook his head and said softly, "Of course not, Freckles." He looked deep into her eyes, taking her hand. "I'd make 'em put cheese on it."

She burst out laughing and jerked her hand out of his, shoving him away. "You're such an ass."

He grinned and said, "I can't deny it; I am indeed." He narrowed his eyes and said gleefully, "Now why don't you kiss me?"

Kate snorted with laughter and he leaned forward, his eyes closed and lips puckered comically; she splayed her hand across his face and shoved him away, giggling. "Eat your fruit, Mule, and lets decide what we're going to do now."

He sighed and cut off a piece of mango, listlessly; holding it in his fingers he wished it was a steak, wished with all of his might and he opened his eyes to see Kate looking at him, quizzically, as he held a squished piece of mango in his fingers. "Just tryin' something," he mumbled, and she grinned and snorted again. He popped the mango into his mouth, and grimaced. He hated mangoes, now and forever.

Vincent was lying quietly on the floor, watching them as they both plopped down on the stone basin, eating their fruit in silence. He woofed at Sawyer, who said, "Kotori said they were heading to the Eagle hatch."He glanced at the little owl, perched on Kate's shoulder, and he smiled. "Apparently we have an unlikely ally."

Kate glanced at him, questioningly. "Really? Who?"

Sawyer smiled lazily, stretching out the moment to get back at her for not kissing him. "The Doc's ex. She's been listening in on their conversations and she told Hootie everything they said."

Kate looked a little dubious. "Are you sure we can trust her? I mean she _is_ Jack's ex, there's a connection there-"

Sawyer cut her off. "The key word there is 'ex'. The woman obviously has _some_ intelligence and she's been spending time with Jack, Ana, and Locke. We probably seem heavenly to her."

Kate couldn't disagree with that; Sara was probably losing her mind with them. She turned to Kotori, suddenly. "How was she? Did she seem okay?" He chirped and whistled and Kate looked to Sawyer for translation.

"She's okay, exhausted and freaked out mainly. He said the others were practically ignoring her." Vincent woofed suddenly, and Kotori chittered back at him for a second. "Yeah, they still think she's dead. I don't know how long that will last though." He glanced at Vincent and said, "So, where do we go?"

Kate glanced sharply at him and he smiled back, reassuringly; she knew he was keeping something from her, though she held her tongue for the moment.

Vincent sat up and stared Sawyer in the eyes, his face as serious as a dog's can be. He woofed twice, the growled a little. "Keep your friends close...I know the saying, but what does that mean?" Vincent chuffed and laid down, obviously ending the conversation. "Are you channeling Eko, you cryptic son of a bitch? Why does everything have to be a friggin' riddle?"

Kate said, "It means we go to them." Vincent chuffed in agreement and she shrugged. "Keep your friends close but your enemies closer." She glanced up from Vincent and said, "No offense, Vincent. Why are you asking him, James?"

Sighing, he draped his arms around her and said, "I dreamed about Ed. He said that Vincent would show us the way."

She knew he'd been holding out. "What else did he say?"

"Not to believe everything Vincent says." The dog in question lifted his head and growled softly; Sawyer said, "I think he meant your dream, Kate."

She nodded, relieved a little; she couldn't get the idea of him dying out of her mind; it ran over thousands of ways it could happen, even when she pushed it to the back of her mind it was there, waiting for the right moment to pop out. Vincent was looking at her, eyebrows raised, and she said, "Yes, I dreamed about you, but don't get excited. It was more of a nightmare." He woofed softly and padded over to lick her hand.

Sawyer smiled at him and scratched his ears as Vincent laid his head in Kate's lap, looking up at her with his deep, muddy eyes; he growled, softly, the vibrations from his throat shaking against her legs as Sawyer's other hand slid beneath her shirt, rubbing lazy, soothing circles on her back. "He didn't visit your dreams last night," he said softly, "and you shouldn't worry about it anymore."

Vincent's low rumbling growl and Sawyer's warm fingers were almost hypnotic; she relaxed a little, leaning into his hands, and said, "I won't. I trust you," she was looking at Vincent but her words were aimed at Sawyer, and he nodded, pulling her into a hug.

"I am never gonna leave you, Kate," he murmured, kissing her neck and sliding his hand over her stomach, where he splayed out his fingers, feeling the delicious warmth and life radiating from her. "I will always be here."

-----

"I found it!" Ana's voice cut through Sara's sleep like a knife; she groaned and raised her head, staring around in bewilderment for a second before she remembered the crash and everything else. Her muscles screamed in protest as she tried to sit up; someone had laid her down next to the tree she had dozed off against and put a pack under her head as a pillow, so her neck was okay, but every _other_ muscle in her body was on fire.

Groaning a little, she managed to get upright, but doing so sapped her energy and she rested her chin on her knees, watching Locke and Jack run to help Ana, who had apparently found something. The aching faded a little as she focused on the three as they cleared away some vines and brush from a large pile of boulders where the plateau met the cliff base; as Jack moved aside she could see that there was a cave-like opening in the stone and Locke disappeared into it, followed quickly by Jack and Ana.

"Don't worry about me," she muttered to herself, and taking a deep breath she heaved herself up onto her feet, groaning and shaking a little as she put her hand out and grabbed the scrawny tree to keep her balance. The world wavered a little and she stopped, trying to focus; she took a deep breath and the ground stabilized again, and she let go of the tree, her disgust at Jack growing. She hollered at the cave, "I'm just fine, thanks!" and shook her head angrily. What a bunch of assholes.

She took a tenative step, grunting a little as her legs shook, but she made it and she took another step, and another, and stretching, slowly and painfully, she sighed and followed them into the cave.

It was dark and it took her eyes a minute to adjust to the dim light; she stood a few feet in, her fingers resting lightly on the cool stone walls; she began to walk forward, slowly, keeping her fingers in contact with the rough stone as it grew darker and darker; minutes passed and she couldn't see her hand in front of her face. Keeping one hand on the wall, she held the other out in front of her, waving it blindly and wishing she had a flashlight. She heard a noise and as she stared into the darkness a light flared on, blinding her a little; she stepped back, almost tripping but a hand caught her wrist and pulled her up; Jack smiled at her from the light, and he said, "I was just coming to check on you. Are you okay?"

She nodded, her heart pounding wildly at the fright he'd given her when he opened the door and she pulled her hand gently from his grasp. "Thanks. I'm fine, just a little sore." He hadn't been coming to check on her, she was sure. "Is this the hatch John was looking for?"

Jack nodded, still silhouetted in the light; he stood aside so she could go through the door. "Go on in. John and Ana are there. I'll be back in a minute." He smiled at her, then pulled the door shut behind him as he left.

It was like being in a cave; it was circular and small, the walls were stone and carved out of the mountain; water seeped in in places and it had a cool, dank feel to it. She did some quick calculations and figured they were about a half-mile into the cliffside; the top of the huge mountain was directly above them. The floors were stone and they sloped downward gently from the center; she could see little drains set into the corners; she supposed that was to keep the seeping water from becoming a problem, though there wasn't anything in the room except for a ladder that stretched up into a hole in the ceiling.

Sara went to it, resting her hands on the rungs and gazing up into the dark hole with despair; her legs groaned as she lifted the first one and put it on the rung, heaving herself up; she closed her eyes against the distance she had to go and began climbing steadily.

Her body was screaming and her arms and legs shaking so badly that she was afraid she was going to fall; she glanced down and gripped the ladder as hard as she could, taking a deep breath. Sighing, she glanced up and was surprised to see a gray light shining close to her eyes; she wrapped one arm around the rung and reached with the other, her fingers meeting cool steel; as her eyes adjusted she realized it was a hatch door, cracked open, and she pushed up, grunting with pain and effort

It finally flipped open and clanged to the ground; as she rested from her exertion, panting as she clung to the ladder, John's face appeared over the rim of the hatch and he smiled, offering Sara his hand, "We didn't expect you so soon. Did you have a good nap?"

She took his hand, and had to force herself to stop from recoiling from his touch; her skin tingled unpleasantly where it touched his, and as he helped her out she smiled and pulled her hand away as soon as she could. "Thanks." She noticed a chair next to her and she sat, shakily, her poor battered body still screaming for rest. "How long did I sleep?"

Locke smiled kindly at her; she had to be exhausted and sore. "About twenty minutes," he sounded almost apologetic. "But as I promised, a shower and a bed." He waved his hand and Sara took a good look for the first time; they were inside the mountain, like inside of a volcanic crater; they could see the sky above them, blazing bright blue, and Sara realized that it was glassed in. It was huge, too, about half the size of a football field; one side was taken up with banks of blinking computers and flashing televisions and she noticed that one of the computers was on, with a long line of green charecters scrolling down it as Ana played around with the keyboard. Suddenly she stopped and said, tersely, "Locke."

He ran to her, and Sara rose painfully from the chair and followed him to the computer. Ana was pointing to a line on the computer, she read it, aloud. "Oceanic 815. 9/2004." They all stared at each other for a second, then Ana tapped the execute button.

The screen went blank and Ana gasped; shit, she thought, what did I do? But then it flickered back on, only it was a picture, like a grainy surveillance video. A plane appeared, cruising through the sky; Sara could see the familiar Oceanic logo on the tail; as they stared at the screen three long, smoky tendrils snaked from the bottom of the picture and wrapped themselves aorund the plane. Suddenly the smoke contracted and the plane snapped into three pieces; Ana choked as people and baggage and pieces of plane dropped out and out of the picture. The tendrils broke apart and each one wrapped around the pieces of plane and _vanished_, leaving a blank screen. After a second it flickered back to the green lettered list, their flight still highlighted.

Ana felt sick; experiencing the flight itself was bad enough, but to see it like that, with the smoke ripping the plane to pieces before it snapped them into the...well, wherever the hell they were, it was shocking. She looked at Locke; he was smiling, and it made her stomach curdle. He was evil, and she didn't trust him, but he was the only way she was going to get what she wanted.

Sara was green; she wobbled and John pulled up a nearby chair, helping her into it. "Ana," he said, motioning towards Sara, "Why don't you help Sara get a shower and get her into bed? She's about to fall over as it is."

Ana cracked a smile. "Sure," she said, "I'll bet you are tired. Sorry, sometimes we just get distracted." Sara smiled weakly, hoping Ana would mistake her disgust for exhaustion; it seemed she did as she helped her to her feet, leading her to a set of stone stairs on the opposite end of the room.

Halfway up the stairs a wailing alarm went off and an automated voice said, "Incoming detected. Scanning." Sara jerked her head up, and stared back down the stairs. "What is that?"

Ana shook her head, pulling Sara gently up to the landing. "You don't want to know." She met Sara's eyes and grinned. "Trust me."


	88. Chapter 88

**Chapter 88**

Ana led Sara upstairs to the bunk room; it was totally different from the room below, wood panelling lined the walls and the floor was covered with cheap, worn carpet. There were four beds, and they weren't bunks; they were laid out like a little dorm room, with a little dresser and lamp next to each bed.

Ana opened a door on the far side of the room and smiled; she gestured inside. "A bathroom." Sara almost laughed at the look of delight on Ana's face, and she chuckled as she held up a roll of toilet paper rapturously.

Ana heard her chuckle and she waved the roll around, grinning. "Give it a week, lady, and you'll be begging me for a piece of this." She moved into the room, opening cabinets and pulling out soap and towels. "Trust me, you never realize how much you take things like running water," she turned on the faucet in the shower and smiled as water hissed out of the head, "and a toothbrush, and toothpaste, and clean towels for granted." She glanced at the toilet. "_That_ is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen."

Sara laughed; she couldn't help it. She tried to imagine what it had been like for them, living two months in the jungle, and with a pang she realized that she was probably going to find out. Steam started to fill the room and Ana handed her a towel and the soap and said, "Enjoy. I'll be downstairs if you need me, okay?"

Sara smiled and nodded as Ana left, shutting the door behind her. It was hard not to like them sometimes, but then she remembered Kate, holding her while she cried, and the way Jack had let John torture and kill her. Ana had been tied, of course, but Sara had the feeling that she wouldn't have stopped them either. There was something between the three of them, Jack, Kate and Ana, something harsh and cold, and she wondered what in the world had happened in the two months that they had been here.

The steam was delicious and she stood in it before slipping her clothes of and stepping into the hot water. Her sore and aching muscles started to relax and unknot as the hot water soaked her. She stood under it for a long time, letting her mind wander over the past few hours; she was kind of amazed at how easily she had let reality go, because, truthfully, this stuff was hard to swallow. It was because of Jack, of course, that she believed it, otherwise she would be sure she was in some sort of Alice-in-Wonderland altitude-induced nightmare; hell, she giggled to herself, they even had a rabbit-hole and Locke was like the White Rabbit, leading them down the path to insanity in a hurry.

The water finally started to turn cool and she shut it off with regret, reaching for the towel and drying herself off as she looked at her dirty, sweat-stained clothes. Hesitating, she wrapped the towel firmly around herself and picked up the clothes, then she opened the door and peeked out into the bunk room. Nobody there. She tiptoed out and glanced around; smiling as her eyes landed on a pair of blue satin shorts and a t-shirt with John Travolta on it, laid out on one of the beds. Ana had scribbled a note and set it next to the clothes.

_I know these are hideous, but they're clean. Leave your  
clothes out and I'll rinse them out with mine. Get some sleep._

She smiled again, shaking her head. The clothes _were_ hideous. She smiled and slipped them on, then she combed her hair out with her fingers, wrapped it up in the towel and climbed wearily into one of the beds, asleep before she hit the pillow.

Jack moved quickly through the woods, headed back to the hatch; he'd been sent back to see if they were coming. Kate wasn't dead; he'd just seen her and Sawyer coming through the jungle, obviously trailing them; he smiled to himself. Locke had his suspicions when Sawyer didn't kill him outright; it didn't ring true.

He ran back towards the hatch; he had decided to take Locke's advice and turn his drive onto himself, use it to fix himself, and the irony was not lost on him, again, that he would use his drive to help rid himself of it. All of his life he had been a slave to it, forgetting to live his life along the way; he felt like chains had been lifted from him, and the only thing he really _had_ to care about any more was Ana.

He picked up his pace; running the stairs in a stadium was good excercise, but running through the jungle had it beat by a mile. He had to hurry; he'd heard them talking and they were coming to kill Locke, for torturing and almost killling Kate. He'd seen Locke's knife slide across Kate's throat a second before Sawyer's explosion; he'd done it on purpose, though he kept that to himself. He didn't like or trust Locke but he needed him, for now, to get what he wanted, then he'd take pleasure in killing the bstard himself.

Now he was worried for Ana; he didn't think Sawyer would be very discriminating if he chose to blow the mountain to pieces to get to Locke; they were going to have to run. He didn't think they would be getting their hands on Kate again any time soon either; Sawyer would kill them all if he had to.

He came out of the jungle into the sunshine at the bottom of the mountain and looked up at the plateau high above him. He grinned, panting a little. Who needed a stadium?

Vincent growled low in his throat as they were walking; Sawyer nodded but didn't stop his conversation with Kate; she played along too, following his lead. "I can't wait to kill that son of a btch." He said it loudly, and Kate didn't flinch at the sudden change of subject; they had been talking about his middle name, which he refused to tell her.

"You're really going to kill him." It wasn't a question.

His eyes smiled at her but his lips remained hard and cold. "He cut your throat like a fucking pig, Kate. Don't you think he deserves to die?"

She hesitated, playing it up as her eyes smiled back at him. "Yeah. He does."

The bushes rattled slightly and after a minute Vincent chuffed softly. Sawyer glanced in the direction of the rustle and slyly flicked his hand. Kate giggled as a loud OOF! floated out of the jungle and Sawyer shrugged. "Loose limb."

Kate smiled and kissed him, her adrenaline thrumming as his tongue touched hers. That had been fun; she was amazed at her newfound ability to enjoy herself despite the danger instead of because of it. The sun brightened around them and jungle came alive with chirps and tweets as a small army of birds swooped into the clearing, and the air was full of flapping wings and feathers before they descended into the trees around them. Kotori came fluttering down onto Kate's shoulder, hooting as loudly as he could to be heard over the racket.

Sawyer grimaced, putting his hands over his ears; the birds were deafening. "No!" He shouted at Kotori, "This is too many!" He grabbed Kate by the arm and dragged her away until the din quieted down some and he could hear himself think.

Kate was staring back at the bird-filled clearing in shock. "I saw a movie like that once," she said, looking a little wan. He grinned and hugged her.

"That was Jack in the bushes." She had figured as much. "Locke isn't an idiot. He'll try to prepare from every angle. But I'm thinking they'll run." He glanced back at the bird army. "Spies. Hootie can't do it all by himself and we need Vincent with us. If anyone is coming we'll know."

She sighed, wrapping her arms around him. "I hope we're doing the right thing."

He smiled into her shoulder. "We are, Freckles. Trust me."

She nodded and leaned against him before they started walking again, Vincent at their heels. Kate rested her hand on his chest and said, "So what is your middle name, James?"

He sighed and rolled his eyes. It was going to be a long walk.


	89. Chapter 89

**Chapter 89**  
Locke wasn't surprised by Jack's information, and he merely nodded when he told him about overhearing Kate and Sawyer. He wasn't worried _yet_; from what Jack said they weren't moving very fast and they still had time here.

The alarm earlier had been negative; apparently there was no one on the passenger plane the Island wanted. There hadn't been one since, and that had been a couple of hours ago; apparently there were more shipping lanes than air routes that passed the Island. He wondered vaguely what kind of range the surveillance system had and he chuckled to himself. Probably 108 miles.

Ana had been fiddling with the same computer, pulling up different dates and watching the videos of the crashes; they dated back to the late seventies. She wasn't really concentrating on them, though they were horrible enough without really paying attention; her mind was on Jack. He had been gone a long time and she was getting worried; Sawyer was pretty pissed and she was afraid he'd kill Jack, just from grief over Kate. She felt kind of bad about Kate; she hated her, but to watch someone you _knew_ get tortured and have their throat cut in front of you was...unnerving, to say the least. She'd seen Locke, too, a split second before Sawyer's blast, draw the knife quickly across Kate's throat. He was a bstard.

She'd been staring at Jack since he came in, panting and sweating like a pig; she figured he'd run up the mountain. Her eyes didn't leave him as he related everything to Locke, and he glanced at her once, finding her eyes glued to him; he smiled and Locke said, "We have awhile; I want to keep looking through these records."

Jack was a little agitated; didn't Locke _understand_? Sawyer was coming to kill him, he had no doubt; he wouldn't care but for the fact that he still _needed_ John, at least until the Island was safe. "Locke, we should go."

Locke smiled and shook his head. "Relax, Jack. We have a while. Go check on Sara, she's been asleep a couple of hours." Jack had forgotten about her; he nodded and turned his gaze to Ana, who was still staring at him with a smoldering, lusty look.

"Yeah, Jack," she said softly, inclining her head towards the stairs, "Go check on Sara."

"Sure," he said, and he felt himself stir a little; Ana's eyes were glowing with excitement and he smiled at her again before heading for the stairs.

Ana watched him go before turning back to the computer, fiddling with the buttons for a second before grinning at Locke and running for the stairs.

Jack was waiting for her at the top and she fell into his arms, kissing him and tearing at his sweaty clothes as his hands shoved up under her shirt, caressing her roughly as he shoved her up against the wall. She struggled for a second, "Wait, Jack." He stopped and pulled away, and she nodded towards the bunk room. "Shower."

He grabbed her around the waist and picked her up against him; she wrapped her legs around his waist as they stumbled into the bunk room; she put her finger to her lips and motioned towards Sara, sleeping in one of the beds. They laughed as quietly as they could as Jack bumped her into the wall before sliding, giggling, into the bathroom and shutting the door.

Sara heard them come in and she kept her eyes closed as they shut the bathroom door, laughing and sighing breathlessly; she groaned a little and sat up, her body screaming with stiff muscles. There was a loud thump and a laugh as the shower came on and Sara forced herself to stand despite the pain; it was more agonizing to listen to Jack banging Ana in the shower. She shuddered at the thought and made her way slowly downstairs to where Locke was flipping through some documents.

He looked up as she came in and smiled at her outfit; she smiled blearily and waved her hand at the clothes. "I didn't have anything to change into."

Locke nodded. "There are extra clothes at camp. We'll be back there eventually." He smiled at her, his eyes crinkling. "Sleep good?"

She nodded, yawning. "Yeah. The shower was great too." Now that she wasn't so exhausted her curiousity was piqued. "What is this place?"

He nodded at the banks of computers and televisions. "Surveillance post."

"For what? And by who?"

He chuckled, putting down the file he had, and nodded to the chair next to him. "It's a long story."

She smiled back. "We have all day, don't we?"

He looked at her, hard, and smiled again, but it wasn't as warm. "No, we don't. We have to move out soon. But I can start at the beginning and tell you what I know. Since we landed on the Island." She noticed the pause as he added the last sentence.

She nodded, settling herself into the chair. "Okay. Start with the crash. I saw what happened," she shuddered at the memory of the grainy airplane being ripped into three pieces and vanishing into this air, "but _how_ did it happen? What were those...tenatcles?"

He sighed, and rubbed his forehead. "Let me begin by saying this: you are not a part of the real world anymore. Reality is relative, Sara, and one man's idea of actuality may not be the same as another's. So, whatever you hear, whatever you see that you can't _possibly_ believe is real, is." She nodded; she'd already seen enough of that to know he was telling the truth. "Good, you have an open mind." He grinned at her. "Some people are harder to convince."

"I'll bet." He meant Jack, and she knew it.

He continued. "The only way to get here is through a wrinkle in time and space, a tesseract-" he stopped as Sara laughed aloud, looking at him incredulously.

"A tesseract? That's from a book. _A Wrinkle in Time_. That's crazy." Shaking her head, she laughed again. "Tesseract."

John sighed. "Like I said, what you think isn't real, is. Yes, a tesseract. That was what you saw on the video, breaking the plane up. This hatch is an extension of that; it watches the skies for planes to pull in."

She was still a little skeptical, but she pushed it aside. "Someone learned to control it?"

He smiled, a little impresed by her deduction. "Yes, I believe so. I don't know for sure." He blinked and she was sure he was lying, but she let him continue. "This place is beautiful, Sara. If there is something you want, if you are not happy, you can be. It's special here, and it takes special people to keep it going." He started pacing a little, and she watched him, closely, trying to read his movements. "When our plane was brought down, there were two _very_ special people on it, two opposites, two sides of the same coin. The Island called to them both and they answered; one to save it, one to destroy it."

"Who? And why would they want to destroy it?"

"The Dark and the Light are always at war; one always wants to destroy the other. That is our mission, here. That is why Jack, and Ana, and I, and everyone else was brought here, to take sides in the battle, to be the soldiers, the pawns. It could be why you were brought here. The newest war has just begun."

"War? War for what?"

"For heaven, Sara, and for hell. You see, " he said, smiling a little crazily at her, "They are the same place; and you are _here_." He glanced at the sun overhead and smiled. "That's enough for now. We have to move out." he paused, smiling with a little fear in his eyes. "Sawyer's coming for me."

-----

They weren't in any hurry to find the others; Sawyer was hoping he would terrify Locke so much he'd piss himself and run away. He chuckled to himself, Hell, I'd just like to see him piss himself. But if they ran it would give them some space and let him try to figure out what he had to do, since Vincent had gone all Riddler on him. Sometimes he felt like he couldn't get a straight answer out of anybody.

Kate had bugged him about his middle name until he had finally given in just to get her to shut the hell up about it. "Fine," he snapped, after she had asked him for the thousandth time. "Jackson." He said it so low she could barely hear it.

"What? I didn't hear you."

He glared at her. "Jackson."

She just stared for a second, then she burst into laughter, bending over double as she gasped for air. "_Jackson_? No wonder you didn't want to tell me."

He rolled his eyes. "It's for Andrew Jackson. He fought for Tennessee in the War of 1812."

She was still giggling. "I wonder if Jack's middle name is James?"

He shot her a look of disgust. "Don't joke about that, Freckles."

She grew serious, suddenly, and gave Sawyer a hard look. "What are we going to do if they haven't left, James? Kill them all?" As much as she disliked Jack now, and hated Locke and Ana, she was done with killing. She didn't want to have to do it ever again.

He drew her to him, hugging her close to shut out the chill he felt. "That depends on them, Kate. But if I have to burn each one of them to a crisp to keep you safe I'll do it."

She hugged him back, "I know." They were quiet for a second as they walked; the jungle was peaceful and beautiful and _his_; he began to wave his hands at the trees and they bent forward and back, bowing to them as they passed. Vincent was walking a little in front of them and Sawyer gave Kate a mischievious glance as he waved his hands again; a little black cloud swirled up into his hands and he blew it, gently, at Vincent and it hovered over him for a second, then Sawyer snapped his fingers and it let loose with a tiny little thunderstorm, drenching the dog in seconds as he tried in vain to esacape.

Kate giggled as the little black cloud chased Vincent around for a minute, then with a wave of Sawyer's hand it disappeared into nothing; she laughed even harder as Vincent gave Saywer the dirtiest look he could muster. Sawyer tried to look innocent, but that was something he could never do; his dimples gave him away as he grinned sheepishly at the dog.

Vincent trotted over to him and Kate backed away fast; she knew what was coming. He lolled his tongue out and grinned at Sawyer, then he shook as hard as he could, throwing water and and dog hair all over Sawyer before he could move.

He stared, dumbfounded for a second, then Kate's snorting laughter made him turn to look at her, and she suddenly felt herself being flopped onto the ground and held in place as Sawyer cried, "Get her, Vincent!" He didn't need a second invitation; as Sawyer held her down he rolled all over her, smearing her with wet dog smell and hair as she screamed with laughter and tried to push him off.

Finally Sawyer raised his hand and let her go and she sprang to her feet, breathless and flushed and dirty; Vincent panted next to her, laughing as she nudged him with her foot. "Traitor."

He barked and Sawyer looked at him like he was nuts. "What?" Vincent barked slower, enunciating every nuance of the bark and Sawyer repeated what he said out loud, "Nemo unquam sapiens proditori credendum putavit." He glanced at Kate and she shrugged. "What the hell is that, Lassie?" Vincent barked angrily and Sawyer said, "Come on, everyone knows Lassie was a boy. Ain't that right, Freckles?"

Kate smiled at Vincent. "Afraid so." She cocked her head as he growled rebelliously. "What was that you said, before? Was it Latin?"

He woofed and wagged his tail; Sawyer nodded. "Good. Latin. It means 'No wise man ever thought that a traitor should be trusted.'" Looking askance at Vincent he said, "You sayin' we shouldn't trust you?"

Vincent sat down in front of him and yipped; Sawyer swiped at him with his hand, playfully angry. "You're sayin' I ain't a wise man- you know, dog, you better be glad Kate loves you, 'cause otherwise I'd be havin' some dog-kabobs for dinner tonight."

Vincent rolled his eyes and licked Kate's hand; she bent down and kissed him on the nose. Giving Sawyer a nasty look he trotted off into the jungle, and Kate grinned after him. Glancing down at her dirty clothes she said, "I really, really hate you sometimes."

He grinned and started trying to wave off some of the dog hair on his shirt. "Trust me, Freckles, I know."


	90. Chapter 90

**Chapter 90**

They left the hatch just as dusk was falling, turning the glassed in crater a dim, hazy gray and throwing spooky shadows over the stone walls; Locke had found the other entrance when he explored the hatch and it opened out onto a ledge that looked over the Other's Valley. Across the valley he could see the northern mountain ridge and he thought briefly about the other hatch but he pushed it aside; they were going to the other red site on the map first.

Jack and Ana were happy and relaxed as they walked together through the dim evening light; they held hands and leaned together, not talking. Sara trailed them, close enough to hear if they started to talk, but they hadn't said much since leaving the hatch and she followed, her mind wandering to what John had said earlier; and she was dismayed to find instead of getting some answers her questions were multiplied. Who controlled the tesseract? How did they do it? What did Locke mean by light and dark? Who were they? _Where_ were they?

Her head started to ache from all of the spinning questions and she tried to push them aside, but that just made her mind wander to her real life; she was amazed to realize that in a few short hours it had faded away to a dim unreality; the Island was her reality now, and her husband, he career, her life were far away and fading fast.

Sawyer came into her mind, smiling as he caught her before she fell, angels singing over his shoulder in his golden aura; she wondered how he was coping with Kate's death and she imagined it wasn't good. She had seen it, how in love they were, and how...perfectly they _fit_; they radiated love and happiness and they were _beautiful_; she had the feeling that it was new territory for them both, that they were learning about it together, figuring themselves out as they felt their way along. And now she was gone, and the thought made Sara sick; she suddenly found it very easy to dislike the three people she was with, despite their petty, meaningless kindnesses. John was a murderer, and Jack and Ana were accomplices to it.

The moon was high overhead before Jack finally spoke; Sara came to attention and moved a litle closer to hear him. "What is it that you want from the Island, Ana?"

She didn't answer him for a second and he could see her struggling to decide what to say; the moonlight cast her in strange shadows and as she turned to him she was shaded in two, light and dark. "I want what I lost, Jack. What was taken from me."

They walked in silence for a few minutes, their hands entwined. Jack knew what she was talking about, he thought, but he said, "And what is that Ana?"

She glanced at him sharply; surely he knew? She had told him about losing her baby before, and that she could never have kids, didn't he remember? "Don't you know?"

He smiled and she relaxed; of course he knew. "I want to hear you say it, Ana." He hesitated and squeezed her hand. His voice was soft as he said, "I want to know what we're...struggling for." He glanced aside at her, then up at Locke. "What we're fighting for."

Silence fell between them and Sara held her breath, waiting for Ana to answer. She hadn't understood John, earlier, when her said the Island could give her what she wanted, but she thought Ana's answer might clue her in a little. After an eternity she answered, and her voice was soft and breathless; as she glanced up at Jack, Sara could see a tear streaking down her face, reflected in the moonlight. "A..a family." She waved her hand around her stomach. "I want to be able to have kids. And I..." she stopped walking and Sara had to stop short so she wouldn't run into them; they didn't notice her anyway as Ana took a deep breath and looked Jack in the eyes. "I want to have that with you."

He smiled and Sara drew in her breath; where had this Jack been when they were together? Any mention of children sent Jack into a agitated frenzy; he was afraid to be a father. What had happened to him?

Ana didn't break their gaze; he was smiling and a tear slid down his cheek too, mirroring hers, and she laughed, reaching up to wipe it away. His voice was thick when he finally spoke, pulling her to his chest and hugging her. "That's what I want too."

Sara closed her eyes and turned away; she was happy for Jack and she hoped that they could find happiness together, but from what she could piece together, he was selling his soul to the devil to get what he wanted. She glanced at Locke; he had stopped and was watching them, smiling gently. His eyes slid over and met hers and he smiled again, but it was colder and she shivered a little before looking away from him.

Jack seemed to realize they were being watched and he pulled away from Ana, grinning a little as they parted. They kept their hands together, Sara noticed, and she smiled sadly. They were so unlike Kate and Sawyer; there was a darkness about them, a bad vibe, and though Sara was glad that they had found each other she was afraid that it was doomed.

Locke grinned back at Jack and said, "Come on, Romeo. Kate and Sawyer may take lovin' breaks but we don't."

Jack and Ana chuckled and Sara loked sharply at John. "Kate is dead."

He looked at her in surprise. "No, she's not. She and Sawyer are tailing us, coming after me." He shook his head. "Sorry. Gotta keep you more in the loop."

She nodded, a little stunned by the news. "Yeah. That would be nice."

He grinned at her again, then said, "Let's go. We don't want them to catch us."

She grinned back. "In the spirit of keeping me in the loop, John, where are we going?"

He eyed her carefully for a moment, then nodded, "The Red Site. Remember it on the map?" She nodded. "I think we may find some things we need there."

"Need for what? To get away from Sawyer?" A bird twittered in the branches close to her ear and she glanced at it; as she did it cocked its head at her, chirping softly. She smiled and turned back to Locke.

He chuckled at her confusion, then said, softly, "No. The things we need to save the Island."

-----

They didn't stop to camp after night fell, their afternoon nap had energized them and they didn't feel like being still; the Island was alive, snapping with energy and electricity and even Kate could feel it through Sawyer's touch and his skin on hers as they walked together. His shirt was open and she caressed his chest as they moved lightly, glowing like fireflies in the silvery moonlight. His arm was around her shoulder, hand twisted in her hair, holding her to his side as he kissed the top of her head, gently, still smelling the sweet flowers.

Vincent trotted in front of them, leading the way; though even Sawyer could have followed their trail; four people left a pretty clear track. Kotori came fluttering to Sawyer and landed on his shoulder, chittering madly; he listened then nodded. "Okay. Thanks." Kotori hopped to Kate's open hand, she kissed his head and he fluttered away, back into the jungle. "They left the hatch, and in a hurry." He grinned down at her and kissed her freckled nose. "Guess Locke knows what's good for him." He flexed his arm, showing Kate his muscle and she felt it, squeezing it with her fingertips.

"Wow, Cowboy. I bet I know what you use that hand for." She grinned wickedly and he raised his eyebrows at her as the hand in question slid across her stomach, then lower, until Kate shuddered a little and leaned against him, panting softly. "And that wasn't it." She glanced up at him and smiled happily. "But I liked it."

He grinned and kissed her, softly. "I gotta do somethin' to keep it toned, darlin'," he whispered, "I haven't been using it much for _anything else_." She giggled and he kissed her again, slowly, tasting the sweet sweat on her lips and the cool feel of her fingers on his chest; he sighed, contented and happy. James.

Kate sighed, too; he was worried and she could feel it, though he was trying to keep it from her. "What is gonna happen, James?" she asked, the question out before she could stop it. She was happy, for the first time in her life, she was truly content, and she wanted it to last; but she had to know what he was thinking, what was going on. "Don't keep things from me; tell me the truth. If we do what we are trying to, if we destroy the Island, what's going to happen to us?"

How do I tell her? he thought. How _can_ I tell her? I don't want to ruin what we have now, this peace. "Nothin', Freckles. We'll be fine."

Anger boiled up in her and she stopped dead, pulling away from Sawyer and crossing her arms. "Why the sudden Jack complex? Think I can't handle it?"

He stared at her for a second, sadly, then said, "Fine, Freckles. If you wanna know I'll tell you." He hesitated, his eyes drinking her in as she was right now, before he spoke and changed the way she would look at him forever; leaning closer he whispered, "Do you _really_ wanna know, Kate? Knowing what's coming ain't always that great. I know...some things, and some are beautiful. But some are terrible. Consider, Kate, before you make me answer that question."

Her look changed, to the one he didn't want to see, to fear and horror instead of love and peace, and he sighed, taking her hand. "I...I want to know." Her mouth was dry and she swallowed, thickly. "If you're...if it happens, then I want to be prepared." She squeezed his hand, desperation and fright making his fingers grind together as she said, "So I can save you. Because that's what I'm here for." Smiling up at him, she touched his cheek. "I won't let you die."

"Die?" he said, drawing back to look at her. "No, I won't _die_. Nobody does, really. I'll just move on, to another reality, to another life." She looked horrified and he smiled sweetly, kissing her cheeks. "Freckles, you and I, we have always found each other, don't you feel it? Every life we've led, every reality we've existed in, somehow you and I have _always_ found each other. So you may lose me in this one; but baby, you have to believe you'll find me in the next." It was true; as he held her hand all of these different people flashed through her mind, but they were all her, and him, in different times and different places; Kate and James in a business lunch, briefcases out, chatting; James and Kate in a nightclub, staring at each other as their hearts beat in time to the pulsating rhythms; Kate, barefoot at the sink of an old farmhouse, her flowery 1940's era dress clinging to her as James kicked back in a chair, watching her; Kate and James beside a fireplace, in a log cabin, gazing happily at a baby lying between them, wrapped in a sheepskin-

Sawyer let go of her, and she stared at him, half-smiling but half afraid; he was breathing heavily and her heart thudded crazily against her ribs. "James..." She didn't know what to say, so she just hugged him, as his hands cicrcled her waist.

"Kate," he sighed, "Even if you lose me, I will always be here," and as he said it her gripped her stomach, and she felt it stir. She gazed at him, and he smiled, sadly. "I love you, Kate."

"I love you, James. God, I do." She flung herself on him and he caught her, holding her tight against him as she touched her lips to his, softly. "The future isn't set in stone, James. We can still change it." She stopped and he nodded.

"Yes, we can." He shook his head. "But I don't know how to do it."

She took his face between her hands, cupping it and forcing him to look into her eyes. "We'll figure it out, together. So don't give up on me, okay?"

He smiled. "Never, Freckles. You're the one thing I can never give up on."

Vincent woofed quietly at them, and Sawyer said, "He's right. We should go." He hesitated, then put his forehead against hers, leaning into her. "I want to be there, Kate. Please, please, save me."


	91. Chapter 91

**Chapter 91**

They descended the mountain in the darkness and as they reached the bottom Locke called a halt; he could see that Sara's energy was waning, she had only slept a couple of hours. They all sat quietly; Sara stared at the stars, amazed at how bright they were, how close and clear. That was something else she noticed about the island; the air here was clear, free of pollution and human toxins, it was pure and clean, like the world must have been in the beginning. She was gradually getting used to it, but a deep breath still gave her a dizzy spell sometimes.

Locke figured Kate and Sawyer had probably reached the hatch by now; they would probably stay there until morning. Or knowing them, afternoon. They could camp here, no problem, let Sara get a good night's sleep so she could keep up in the morning when they pushed on to the Red Site.

Wings fluttered by him in the darkness and he frowned as he heard a couple of owls hooting in the trees. They were bad omens; owls were harbingers of death. An uneasy lump formed in his stomach and he wondered whose death they were calling for. He reconsidered making camp, but changed his mind; he was just being silly, jumping at an old superstition.

He got a fire started while Jack amd Sara collected some wood while Ana went off into the woods to get some fruit; she wasn't as good at climbing as Kate but she could still get up into the smaller trees. She found one that she could scale in the dark, and clenching her flashlight between her teeth, she started to scoot up the long thin trunk.

"Hello, Officer." She froze and glanced down; Jason stood below her, leering up with his deformed face. "Fancy finding you out here alone."

She swallowed her fear and sneered back. "What do you want?"

He ran his hand idly down the trunk of the tree and the bark became cold beneath her; she shivered as he said, "Just droppin' by for a visit. Why don't you come down here so we can chat?"

She didn't want to but some invisible force pushed on her until she slid down the icy trunk; her feet hit the ground and she backed away from him quickly, before he could touch her with his cold hands. "What do you want?"

He gazed at her, idly, then said, "What's your buddy Locke up to? Where are you going?" Her heart thudded as he took a step towards her.

Ana was still backing away as he advanced; she said, "We're going to some site in between the mountains. He doesn't know what it is."

Jason laughed. "Oh, he knows. He's been there. Not physically,of course, but you could say he's had a vritual tour." He stopped and stared at her for a second. "He didn't tell you? Hmmm."

Anger flared up at his smug expression and Ana snapped, "Well, what is it then? Why don't you tell me?"

He chuckled and advanced on her again; she put her hand on her gun and he shook his head. "Bullets won't kill me, Officer Cortez. Not this time. You're gonna have to rely on something besides a gun." He winked one ruined eye at her and she swallowed the bile that rose in her throat. "For a change."

Guilt and remorse flooded her at his words, though she knew it was silly. She fought down the urge to scream for Jack; she had to handle this on her own, and she steeled herself before looking Jason in the eye and smiling coldly. "So I can just beat you to death? I have a club, too." She fingered the log hanging from her belt.

He smiled, still advancing as she backed up into the trees. "No, no, no, Officer, it's nothing you can touch, or hold in your hand. Brute force won't help you; I guess you are shit out of luck." He lunged at her and she ducked away, running towards the camp.

Something snaked around her feet and tripped her up, as she fell she glanced down and saw a dull gray tentacle wrapped around her ankle and she screamed, kicking at it. It unwound and Jason was in front of her, leering down at her with his ruined, bloody face, and he grinned as she sprang to her feet, backing away slowly. "What do you want?"

His face grew angry and his eyes gleamed as he shouted, "I want you to fall on your knees and beg my forgiveness! I want you to kiss my feet and say you are sorry for what you did!"

Her knees were quaking but she laughed in his face. "Never. Fuck you! You're not even real- I brought you here! I made you!"

He sneered, "Oh, I'm real. Wanna see?" He lunged at her again but she was ready; as she ducked to the side her fist caught him under the chin; she gasped as it sank through his face, like he was made of smoke. He laughed at her expression and said, "Reality is all relative, Officer." His hand shot out and grabbed her around the throat and it was real; she clutched at his steel hand as it closed her windpipe, clawing at him as her eyes started to gray out.

She could see dimly; the world was fading and strangely silent; her heart was breaking for Jack, she never got to tell him how she felt, and she felt a tear roll down her cheek as she thought about his hands on her face, his lips on hers; as she started to black out a beautiful white angel came floating out of the darkness behind Jason's head. She was dying, and the angel was coming to carry her away; it came closer and her fading eyes smiled as she saw it; then suddenly she was on the ground, gasping for air as her eyes slid back into focus; her 'angel' was a giant owl, pecking and flapping around Jason's head as he waved his arms wildly, trying to ward it off. She stared in amazement for a few seconds, then leapt to her feet and ran for the camp, calling for Jack.

-----

Vincent led them directly to the hatch door on the plateau; Sawyer went first, pushing Kate behind him. She smiled at the gesture but moved up next to him, taking his hand. "Together, James."

He grinned and touched her cheek. "Right. Not real used to this 'together' stuff yet." They started walking down the dark corridor, but as he held her hand Kate cold see, the hall was illuminated in front of her.

"Practice makes perfect." She looked up at him through lowered lashes and grinned slyly. "I'll bet this place has a shower."

His dimples deepened and his eyes snapped as he said, "Well, let's go then, Freckles. I mean, I hate to say it, but you smell like a dog."

Vincent looked up, obviously taking that as an insult; he woofed at Sawyer with disgust. Sawyer snorted, "Well you could use a bath too, Pigpen, and no, that ain't an invitation." Vincent gave him a withering stare and trotted off further into the darkness.

"He's right," Kate said, snickering at Sawyer's dark look. "You don't smell so hot either. I think 'cesspool' would be a good way of putting it."

He opened his mouth to retort but a little gold ball came fluttering out of the darkness; as he landed gently in Kate's hand he whistled in relief and began hooting urgently at Sawyer. "What? Why would we help them?"

Kate watched them, holding her breath; they could only be talking about Jack and the others, and she knew what was coming. As Kotori flitted away back down the dark tunnel, Sawyer turned to her, smiling grimly. "Ana and Jack are in trouble. We...I can help them, Kate. Should I?"

He loked genuinely perplexed, as if he had never been faced with this kind of dilemma before; well, she thought, he probably hasn't, not really. Helping people had never been tops on his list of priorities. "What do you think is right?"

Vincent was sitting between them, watching Sawyer's expression change as he tried to decide what would be best for him, for Kate. His brown doggy eyes turned to Kate; she was gazing at Sawyer with hope and encouragement, and she was rewarded as he sighed and said, "I guess we better go."

"Yeah. I guess we'd better." She smiled at him, that dazzling, knee-knocking smile that made his stomach drop into his toes; he felt _right_, like he'd done something good. He had chosen the right path, and suddenly,_ Kate_ was right. They could change the future. His heart lifted and he grabbed her, kissing her with a force that surprised her a little, though she kissed him back with the same intensity.

He broke away, grinning, and pulled her back towards the entrance as Vincent ran ahdead of them, woofing happily. A little blue and red bird was waiting for them and they trotted up the mountain, following it as it led them into dangerous territory.

-----

Jack was talking to Sara next to the now-blazing campfire; he was getting worried about Ana and his mind was only half on his conversation, and when he heard Ana scream his name he leapt to his feet as she came tearing out of the trees, falling into his surprised arms. "Ana? Ana, are you okay?"

She looked back at the trees in horror and fear as Jason came striding out, smoky tendrils flaring out behind him like black flames; he was glowering at them and he stepped up to Jack, grabbing him by the throat as he shoved Ana aside. "Hello, Doc. Nice to see ya."

Ana started to come at them but Jason spun on her, still holding Jack clamped in his fist. "Let him go, Jason. He doesn't have anything to do with this."

Jason grinned."Well, yes he does. See, I know you love him. So, I'm gonna kill him, right here in front of you." Ana glanced at Jack, he was staring at her in surprise and she smiled weakly as a slow grin spread across his face.

It didn't last long; Jason's hands were like ice and Jack could feel the cold spreading through him, numbing him until he couldn't move or speak; he was frozen, and all he could do was watch. Ana was getting panicky; she didn't know what to do. "What do you _want_ from me?"

Locke was frozen, watching in fear as Jason slowly drained the life from Jack; he didn't dare move, and there was nothing he could do anyway, only Ana could stop this. Sara was staring on helplessly, too; she could see the color fading from Jack's face as the cold started to overtake him.

"Stop!" Ana shouted, pointing her gun at him in desperation; Jack was vanishing before her eyes and she didn't know what she was supposed to do. She almost squeezed the trigger; then she stopped and smiled at him, her eyes brightening as the answer came to her. "I made you. I brought you here. I can end you, too." She pointed the gun at her head and cocked it.

Jason nodded coolly as Jack's eyes widedned and he tried to scream; his voice was frozen in his throat and nothing came out but a dry whisper. Sara and Locke both started for Ana but she squeezed the trigger and they stopped; Locke was casting around madly for an idea. "Ana, what are you doing?"

She smiled at him sadly. "He's killing Jack. I can't live with that on me when I can save him. I brought Jason here; I own him, he's my responsibility." She stared at Jack, her eyes shining with tears. "This is the new me, Jack, the one you created. I'm going to take responsibility for my actions. Please believe this is the right thing." She whispered, smiling, "It will all be fine." He was staring at her, his eyes pleading with her to stop, but she slid her eyes away from his and looked into Jason's ruined ones; she said, coldly, "This is what you really wanted from me. So here, you win."

He laughed and she stopped, bringing the gun down just a little as he said, "I'm not in your _head_ Cortez; you need to aim that sucker a little lower." He eyed her bosom with lust and she paled a little, then lowered the gun over her heart, pushing the barrel against her breast. He nodded and she swallowed hard.

"Don't do it, Ana," Locke finally found words. "You don't have to do it."

She gazed at Jack who was deathly white; his lips were blue and she panicked; she had to quit stalling. "Yes, I do John." Her gaze swung back to Jack and she smiled, etching every detail of him into her brain. "I love you, Jack."

She pulled the trigger.


	92. Chapter 92

**Chapter 92**  
It all happened in slow motion; Ana pulled the trigger and fell backwards as the bullet exploded through her chest; Jason vanished in a puff of smoke and Jack fell to the ground, hollering for Ana as he started to unfreeze; Locke and Sara both bolted forward to Ana as Sawyer came bursting through the bushes, sliding beneath her as she fell and catching her in his arms.

"Kate!" Sawyer called her and she fell to her knees beside him, holding his arm as he closed his eyes and placed his hands on Ana; Sara and Locke both knelt beside them, staring in horror at the gaping wound in Ana's chest as she gurgled and blood frothed out of her mouth. "Help me, Kate."

Jack staggered up, finally, and as he reached Ana's side he fell to his knees, taking her hand in his and sobbing as she stared blankly at the sky. "Ana,"he whipered hoarsely as his vocal cords slowly unfroze. "Ana, can you hear me?" He lowered his head to her bloody chest and whispered, "I love you too, Ana."

Kate was staring at him with pity and sadness as he held Ana's cold, limp hand against his lips, and she put her other hand gently on his shoulder, connecting the four of them in a circle. Jack gasped as he felt Sawyer's power surge through them and he cried out as Ana's eyes focused and she spluttered a little, taking a deep gasping breath; Sawyer lifted his hands, swooning a little as he tried to rise, he looked haggard and tired, and Kate helped him up as Jack touched the spot on Ana's chest where the bullet had gone; it was completely healed.

Jack was crying and kissing Ana softly as Kate led Sawyer away, sitting him down on a flat rock on the edge of the clearing as they watched them; Locke and Sara also backed away, leaving Jack and Ana together as he helped her sit up, hugging her close to his chest as her arms weakly went around him.

Sara edged over to the quiet Kate and Sawyer; they were watching Jack and Ana and Kate was smiling sweetly at a gray-faced Sawyer; as she touched his arm his color returned a little, and he smiled back at her with such love and gratefulness that Sara's own heart lifted and she suddenly felt like everything would be okay. Kate smiled at her as she came closer. "Hey, Sara. You okay?"

She smiled and nodded as Sawyer grinned too. "Been havin' fun with the other kids?"

Sara laughed, and it surprised her a little when Kate hugged her, drawing her into their circle. "Not really," she said softly; she felt such a connection to them, more so than with the others, they were so _good_, although Ana's sacrifice for Jack had touched her also. She glanced at Kate, touching her hand as she said, "How about you? Are you okay?"

Kate's hand went to her throat and she smiled at Sawyer, who raised his eyebrows at her, grinning back. "Yeah," she said, softly, and she turned back to Sara. "Sorry if he scared you, you know, when he..." she jerked her head towards Locke, who was flicking his gaze between them and Jack, who was still holding Ana in his lap, her head lying against his chest as he stroked her hair.

Sara chuckled and said, "Yeah, that did freak me out just a bit." Sawyer looked a little sheepish; Sara shook her head, smiling as she whispered, "He couldn't talk for an hour."

Vincent padded up to Ana, snuffling her ear gently; satisfied that she was okay, he trotted to Sara and woofed softly. She knelt and scratched his ears, wrinkling up her nose. "You need a bath, pup." Vincent lolled out his tongue, laughing, and Kate and Sawyer joined him, chuckling softly as they gazed at each other.

Jack was helping Ana to her feet; she was pale and shaky and she leaned against him, his arm around her shoulder, supporting her as she got her balance. He glanced at Sawyer; he was talking to Kate and Sara and as he noticed Jack's gaze, he stood. Jack almost took a step back; Sawyer's presence was awesome and it filled the glade with softly radiant light as he smiled at them. "Well, Doc, looks like I get to send _you_ the bill this time."

Ana smiled at Jack and moved away, standing on her own; she looked at Sawyer, as gentle light radiated from him and she walked unsteadily to him, enfolding him in a huge hug. He looked a little taken aback and his eyes flew to Kate; she was laughing at his shock and smiling as Ana pulled away, looking a little embarassed. 

He was stunned; the feelings that he got from Ana's touch were sad and happy; lost and found. She wanted something, desperately, and he suddenly felt _sorry_ for her, though he didn't know what it was that she wanted so badly. He _wanted_ to help her and that bewildered him even more, because, to be totally honest, it wasn't like they'd ever been buddies. He hated her, and she hated him, they were enemies, opposite sides; but he wanted to make that sadness in her, that want, go away.

He suddenly realized that he would feel that way about anyone; for the first time in his life he couldn't stand the thought of anyone hurting, anyone at all. Even Jack; that thought scared him more than anything, and he turned his eyes from Ana and said, gruffly, "Yeah. No problem."

Uneasy silence filled the clearing; nothing had changed, the lines were still drawn between them and as Locke stepped up to Jack, Sawyer's eyes snapped and he seemed to _swell_, filling up the air with his presence. He shoved Kate behind him, keeping one hand firmly on her wrist, and he glared at Locke with a deep blue intensity. "Don't come a step closer, Locke." A blue bolt shot from his finger with a soft _sssssnap_ and Locke's eyes widened.

"Why don't you go ahead and kill me, Sawyer?" He glanced at Ana, standing in Jack's arms and staring at Sawyer with fear and awe. "This doesn't change anything. Sides are still chosen."

Sawyer smiled sadly at Jack, who returned his sorrowful gaze as he stepped back beside Locke, drawing Ana with him. He still needed Locke, and nothing Sawyer could do would change that; he knew Ana felt the same way, and she leaned against him harder as the stood next to John, drawing the line in the jungle.

"I don't want to kill you, Locke." Sawyer shook his head, smiling. "No, I _do_ want to, but I'm not going to." He smiled at Kate and said, softly, looking into her mossy green eyes, "See, I ain't the killin' type." His gaze flickered back to Locke, and it turned cold. "But if you even _look_ at her again I'll rip your head off and stick it up your ass, give you a proper look at yourself." Kate snickered, and even Sara smiled, but Locke paled and averted his eyes from Kate's vicinity. He didn't doubt it, and he wasn't going to test it, not now.

The hard, edgy silence filled the clearing again as they all stared at each other; Sara was in the middle, and she knew she had to go with Jack, they _needed_ her to go with Jack, but she didn't want to. Being with Kate and Sawyer made her warm and happy; to see them together made her heart sing and she hadn't forgotten the angels over his shoulder; the more she thought about it the more she was sure that she hadn't been seeing things. She dreaded going back with Locke and the others; there was no warmth for her there, Jack and Ana didn't share their heat. She wondered if they had enough to spare.

She stepped over the line, crossing to Jack's side; Locke smiled triumphantly at Sawyer as he said, "We'll be seeing you, Sawyer." Sara noticed with hidden glee that he was still keeping his eyes very conspicuously averted from Kate. He melted into the trees, and with a last sad gaze Jack and Ana followed her, leaving Sara dawdling alone in the clearing with Kate and Sawyer.

None of them spoke, but as she smiled across the invisible line a snowy while owl glided silently between them, its eyes wide and it hooted softly at Sawyer as it passed; Sara watched it slip silently into the trees and she nodded at them, then disappeared into the jungle behind Jack and Ana.

Kate, Sawyer and Vincent stood quietly for a few seconds and Kate finally glanced up at him. "Poor Sara."

He chuckled. "That's one brave woman." He sighed and cupped her chin with his hand, drawing her lips to his. He pulled away and rested his forehead against hers, sighing. "Did I do the right thing, Kate? Saving her? She's...not that good."

Kate hesitated, then she touched his lips with her fingers. "I wasn't good, James. Neither were you, until we found what we needed to make ourselves whole. I needed you, and you needed me." She kissed him softly, her tongue teasing his before she said, "She's just trying to find what she needs, James. To make her whole and good. Maybe she thinks this is the only way she can find it." She smiled gently, looking into his eyes. "Everyone deserves a second chance. Of course you did the right thing, James. You _saved_ her, and I believe she'll remember it, when the time comes."

He gazed into her eyes with awe and love. "How did you get to be so smart?"

The dark moment was broken as Kate grinned and said, "I ain't that smart, sweetcheeks. It's just 'cause I'm with you, I seem smarter."

He snorted, then gave her a half-hearted glare. "I don't _sound_ like that, Freckles."

"I notice you're not debating the intelligence question."

He grinned cockily. "You got the brains, darlin', I got the looks. Together we're perfect."

Kate laughed and he hugged her fiercely, crushing her against his chest. They stood together, just holding each other until Sawyer finally said, "I don't think Sara was smellin' Vincent. I think _you_ need a bath." He grinned wickedly into her hair. "Wanna go back to the hatch?"

Kate giggled as his breath tickled her neck; she pressed up against him, harder, and he groaned a little. "I think that's a good idea."


	93. Chapter 93

"Locke, we need to stop." Jack's voice was harsh and scared; Ana was weak and tired and he was nearly dragging her through the jungle as she sagged against him. His heart still hadn't dropped back into place; it was lodged firmly in his throat and he was having difficulty breathing around it as his mind revisited her, gun barrel to her chest as she pulled the trigger, and she did it for him, but also, he thought, for herself. Despite her exhaustion and weariness he sensed a peace in her that hadn't been there before. His free hand brushed away a sweaty strand of hair from her pale face as he asid, "Are you okay, Ana?"

She raised her eyes to him; they were ringed black and ashy gray lines radiated from the corners and he stopped, helping her gently to a fallen log. "We're stopping, okay? You need to rest." He kissed her, softly, then sat next to her, pulling out a water bottle and handing it to her. She drank, thankfully, and a little color returned to her skin.

Sara dropped next to them, resting her head on her knees; in less than twenty four hours she had seen and heard some unbelieveable stuff and now her brain just wanted some quiet time to try and assimilate it all, absorb it. Locke finally noticed that they had halted and he came back, squatting down in front of Jack. Glancing at all three of them, tired and spent, he smiled, shrugging slightly. "I guess we're stopping here."

Jack glanced up at him, glaring a little; Ana's whole, warm body beneath his fingers wasn't comforting him much as he kept seeing her pull the trigger, the fear and despair that she was struggling with coming out as she stared at him, or was it Jason? His arm tightened around her shoulder as he asked her, "Is he gone, Ana?"

Her heart thudded against her chest as she nodded, slowly, almost imperceptibly; Jason was gone. The horrible guilt and remorse was gone. The _anger_ was gone, leaving just hollow sadness instead; her hand splayed across her belly sadly. She wasn't whole; not yet, but she was closer. "Yeah." His arm dropped from her shoulder to wrap around her waist and he kissed her neck, gently.

Sara watched them, smiling as Jack's lips moved to Ana's mouth. She was happy for them, but that sense of dread and darkness still hung around them like a fog, casting them in cool shadows. Sighing, she rose to help Locke build a fire, giving them some space.

-----

The sliver of moon was high among the stars when they made it back to the entrance to the hatch;Vincent had led them to the second door, on the Valley side of the ridge, and as they walked through a short stone hallway they came to the bunk room; Sawyer raised his eyebrows and nodded towards the bed and Kate rolled her eyes. "Later, Bunny."

He was confused. "Bunny?"

Laughing, she shook her head. "Think about it."

He worked on it as she led him down the stone stairs into the crater room and she gasped as she looked up; the sky was so bright she could see every star in the galaxy and beyond; as Sawyer wrapped his arms around her from behind, burying his head in her neck a shooting star streaked across the sky, leaving a glittering trail behind it. "I get it, Freckles, very funny. But I don't see you turning it down."

She laughed and it vibrated against his arms, shaking and shuddering through his entire body, making his skin and nerves tingle. He kissed her neck, nipping gently at her soft skin until she gasped, then she turned in his arms and their mouths met with tender fury.

One corner of the darkened room was furnished like a tiny library; there were a few hard-backed chairs and a worn, dusty recliner and Sawyer swept Kate up into his arms, cradling her as she kept their lips together. He kicked one of the hard-back chairs out of the way as he deposited her in the overstuffed seat, and he fell on top of her, drawing his feet up as she reached down and pulled the handle on the side of the chair, popping out the footrest and reclining the seat back. The seat rocked dangerously as he settled himself above her, holding his weight off by levering against the sides of the chair, but Kate grabbed him and pulled him down to her, tearing at his buttons with sudden urgency as he slid her shirt up ond over her head; her bare skin against his inebrieated him and he was drunk and spinning as her hand reached down to his jeans, popping open the button and sliding in. He groaned and kicked his jeans off, reaching down to help Kate wriggle out of hers and as they came together again the chair rocked dangerously.

They kissed and touched and murmured together for a long time, the stars glowing down on them and Kate opened her eyes in ecstasy as Sawyer rocked into her; the sky above her, framed by the walls of the crater suddenly began to glow and a star streaked by, then another, then another; the heavens were falling in around them and she didn't care. "Say my name, Kate."

She whispered in his ear as he moved slowly, gently; the pace increased at his name and the chair creaked and swayed dangerously as Kate suddenly cried out, arching against him as he groaned and shuddered against her neck; they lay, panting, staring up at the heavens as the meteor shower continued, leaving dusty silver residue against the sky. He watched for a few minutes, feeling Kate's breathing slow beside him; he glanced at her and her eyes were glowing with the streaking stars. "I moved the heavens for you, baby."

She chuckled and looked over at him; he was glowing with something completely different than the meteor's glittering light. Her chuckle faded as he touched her cheek, she rested her hand on his waist, feeling the hard muscles beneath his skin. The funny retort she had ready faded; instead she said, "Yeah, you did."

He leaned over to kiss her and the chair gave up; it flipped over with a groan, spilling them both out onto the cold stone floor. Kate leapt up, laughing as Sawyer stood shakily, grimacing. "You okay?"

He glared at her; she had kicked him squarely when the chair tipped over and he wasn't feeling too friendly at the moment. As his eyes fell on her, though, naked in the light from the streaking stars his glare faded and he smiled at her so sweetly and lovingly that she went to him, hugging him around the neck. "I'm fine, Freckles." He held her for a few more seconds, then said, "Damn. I love you, but you smell like Vincent's-"

She smacked him and he grinned, swinging her up into his arms. "I ain't the only one, Sweetcheeks."

"Stop doin' that." They grinned at each other, shooting stars mirrored in their eyes; as Sawyer carried her up the stairs the stars gradually lessened, and as the shower came on in the bunk room, one last meteor shot across the sky, it's tail leaving a silvery vapor over the heavens.

-----

They all sat around the fire, Ana cradled in Jack's lap; he hadn't let her out of his grasp at all, and Ana liked it, she felt _safe_ nestled up to him, hearing his breath above her. Her chest was sore and it hurt when she breathed or spoke, so she stayed quiet, taking shallow, short breaths, it almost felt like she was panting, and Jack kept checking to make sure she was okay.

Sara sat across the fire from them, her eyes trying to be anywhere but there; she felt like she was invading their privacy, though she didn't think they'd notice even if she took off all her clothes and did the mambo around the campfire.

Locke would though; he'd been watching her all night and his stare was getting unnerving. His eyes were burning holes in her and she finally glanced up at him, hoping he'd stop gawking if he thought she noticed; unfortunately it didn't work as he just smiled at her and kept staring.

He rose and came to sit beside her at the fire; Jack glanced up from Ana and nodded, then turned his attention back to her. Locke was quiet for a minute, then he said, "You were glad to see Kate."

Sara nodded. "Of course. She saved my life when I..." she choked on the word, "crashed." She wiped away a tear as fatigue took its toll on her emotional stability and she finished, "She was good to me. I'm glad she's not dead." She didn't look at Locke as she said it; he was staring at her, studiously, and he finally smiled.

"Princess Noor-un-nisa Inayat Khan." Sara just looked at him, confused. "She was the daughter of an Indian Mystic and an American woman who converted and moved to India. Schooled in France, she wrote children's stories for Paris Radio before the outbreak of World War II convinced her to join the British Women's Auxiliary Air Force, so that she could do her part to overthrow Hitler and get him out of her beloved France." He paused, noticing that Jack and Ana were still, paying attention to his words. Sara was listening with interest, too, and he smiled before continuing. "Since anyone who could speak fluent French was in demand she was tapped by the British Special Operations Executive, where she underwent extensive training as a wireless operator, and she was the first woman operator dropped into enemy-occupied France where she maintained a fragile link between London and the various resistance groups in her vicinity." Sara tried not to react to his words, but his gaze made her nervous; what did he know? Or think he knew? He rubbed his forehead and lowered his eyes, continuing. "The Gestapo tried to catch her for months, but she stayed one step ahead of them, riding her bicycle around the French countryside while she radioed information and positions from the wireless set hidden in a basket on the front of her bike. Her luck ran out, though, and she was betrayed by another captive; they held her for weeks, torturing her, but she refused to give up any information, either on her work or on her fellow resistance fighters."

Sara was feeling a little nauseous and she groaned inwardly as Jack asked, "What happened to her?"

Locke smiled, looking directly at Sara; he didn't answer until her eyes met his. "Unable to break her, they sent her to Dachau concentration camp, where she was executed and buried in a mass grave."

She tried to mask her sudden terror by smiling, but it felt off and she knew she wasn't fooling Locke. His eyes were cold as he smiled and she shuddered as ice dripped into her stomach. "Good story. I'll have to tell it to my students."

Ana was looking at her, too; she'd heard enough of Locke's stories to know that they meant something; her eyes narrowed as she saw the look on Sara's face. She was scared. And guilty. Ana's threat alert system went off and she sat up almost knocking Jack in the jaw as she did, glaring across the fire at Sara.

Locke threw her a warning look and she relaxed a little, but she kept her eyes glued to Sara as he said, "You're a teacher, then?"

She nodded, reagining her composure. "Seventh grade. English."

Locke nodded appreciatively. "Difficult age. Takes a _tough_ woman to work with those kids."

She was wary as she replied, "I have my days." And this isn't one of them.

He was quiet for a second, Then he chuckled and said, "Don't we all?" He rubbed the back of his head and frowned; after a second he glanced up and met Sara's nervous eyes as he said, "Where's _your_ wireless, Sara?"


	94. Chapter 94

**Chapter 94**  
Sara stammered, trying to regain herself; Locke's question had thrown her for a loop. "M-my what?"

He stood and stared down at her, his eyes gleaming in the firelight; Jack and Ana were tense as they watched Locke. "I was watching you with them; you obviously prefer their company to ours. So that leads me to ask myself, if Sara is happier with Kate and Sawyer, then why is she here with us? Do you know what I answer myself, Sara?"

She was scared but she stood up too, pulling herself together; this was life or death, no games; the past few hours had made that perfectly clear, and she had to be convincing. "I can't say I do, John."

Ana and Jack scrambled to their feet, too, staying close together; Ana grunted a little from the pain in her chest and Jack helped her up, smiling gently at her. "You okay?" She nodded, her eyes glued to Sara.

"Well, I think _they_ want you to be here. Somehow they have convinced you that this place is evil, and they want you to HELP THEM DESTROY IT!" His voice had gotten louder as he spoke and by the end he was shouting; Sara tried not to flinch but he was like a demon, his eyes blazing as he glared at her crazily. She didn't know how to react in a way that wouldn't automatically make her appear guilty so she remained in a daze, staring at him in terror.

Jack sepped forward, and he grabbed Locke's arm, spinning him around to face him. "Locke, no, you're wrong. She's my ex-wife, that's why she's with us. She's not a spy." Sara nearly fainted with relief as understanding dawned in Locke's eyes and he gave her an apologetic look as he said to Jack, "Why didn't you tell me before?"

Jack shrugged. "It just never came up."

"It never came up. Right. Your _ex-wife_ crashes on the island at this stage of the game and you didn't tell me?" He shook his head and stared at Jack with disgust. "Did it ever occur to you that he could have called her here to use against you? How do you think Cassidy got here? It was an accident, a coincidence? Walt called her boat in because he needed her to fck Sawyer, only it didn't really work out that way, did it? Use your damn head, Jack, and look at what's in front of you." He gestured to Sara, who was horrified and absolutely clueless as to what she should do. She wasn't sure if Locke still believed she was spying or not, but she gathered herself, preparing to run back towards the hatch if necessary. Locke was glaring at Ana. "Did you know too?" She averted her eyes and he shook his head. "Of course. Did _you_ think of the danger this woman could pose to our mission? No, I didn't think so." He shook his head, disturbed at their lack of attention to detail. "I should be pissed that you left me out of the loop, but frankly, your lack of judgement worries me more."

Jack flared. "_My_ lack of judgement? Aren't you the one who killed Eko? Who tortured Kate?" He stepped close to Locke, his eyes glaring just as crazily as his. "You killed Kate, Locke, whether she's alive or not. I saw you cut her throat before Sawyer...did whatever the hell it was he did." He got into Locke's space, pushing; only Sara gasped at Jack's revelation, Ana had seen it too. "You _use_ people, John, just like Cassidy, and when you're done you throw them away. Just like Boone. So excuse me if I thought it might be a bad idea to clue you in to the fact that she was a weapon _you_ might use against me." He grinned insanely as Old Jack popped to the surface, cocking his head he said, "Discretion, John."

They stared each other down for a minute, then Locke backed down, shrugging. "I just don't think it's a good idea for us to keep things like that from each other, Jack. We're on the same side."

Ana snorted. "I'm finding that a little hard to swallow, John. You're preaching at us about keeping secrets?" She clutched her chest as she stepped closer; it hurt to talk and her voice was weak and reedy. "Where exactly is it we're headed?"

Locke rubbed his head, feeling a little cornered. He hadn't expected this little mini-rebellion. Maybe Jack and Ana together wasn't such a good idea; they were more likely to bond against him. "The Red Site on the map, Ana."

She smirked, and said, "Yes, John, but what is it?"

He was getting a little nervous; what did she know? "I don't know, I told you."

"Well, that's funny, because Jason seemed to think you did. He said you'd been there. In a 'virtual tour'."

"You believe him? _Him_?"He shook his head at her but his eyes betrayed the truth; he knew.

Ana nodded slowly, a sly smile spreading across her face. "Yeah. I do. So where are we going, John?"

He was trapped; Jack was glaring at him coldly and Ana stood in his path and he couldn't fight them both. He still needed them, and he guessed that the fact they were still standing there meant they needed him, too. He squinted, looking up as a shooting star streaked across the heavens, then looked Jack in the eyes. "The Foundation."

-----

They didn't want to sleep in the bedroom; after so many nights beneath the stars the bunk room seemed close and stuffy so Sawyer dragged one of the mattresses down the stairs and they cuddled naked beneath a cheap thin blanket, staring up at the universe spinning above them. Sawyer took her hand and she could see the same as he; the planets were within her grasp and the she could reach out and touch the stars. Infinte space spun out before her and she stared in wonder as galaxies whirled away and supernovas lit up the black emptiness with beautiful, bursting, rolling colors; they reminded her of the chapel garden with its riot of bright blooms and she snuggled against Sawyer, the scent of flowers and rainbow colors and warm, drizzling rain haunting her dreams as she finally slept, curled up in his arms.

He didn't sleep; he didn't need to, the Island energized him, the magnetic forces and electricity whispered in his ears. He gazed at Kate, sleeping peacefully, her mouth open just a tiny bit as she snored softly; he wanted to lean over and kiss her parted lips but he didn't, she needed to sleep and a kiss could only lead to one thing. Instead he brushed away a tendril of her still damp hair from her face; after showering they had rinsed their clothes out with a bar of soap, wringing them out and hanging them over the feet of the beds to dry; though Sawyer figured he could just zap them dry, but Kate declined.

"I get it, Freckles. You just want an excuse to be naked around me." He grinned mischieviously at her, his eyes lingering in certain areas.

She snorted, rolling her eyes. "Like I need a reason when I'm around you, Bunny." she pulled a thin blanket from one of the beds and wrapped it around her.

He grimaced at her nickname. "Please don't call me that around anyone else."

She snickered. "I thought you'd take it as a compliment."

He shook his head. "It makes me think of fuzzy, cute little balls of fluff. Does that sound like me? Don't answer that!"He kissed her to cut off her answer and growled, "That's only for you, darlin'. I don't want it gettin' around."

She considered for a second, chewing on her lip. "I could call you Jackrabbit."

She couldn't help but laugh at the look he gave her; it was something like a grin and a frown, like he couldn't decide exactly what she meant by it. "I _hope_ you mean as in my middle name."

She nodded, barely suppressing a snort. "Yeah, of course, your middle name. What else would I mean?" She couldn't hold it in, she laughed and he looked hurt for a second before chuckling a little too. "I love you, James." Her heart was pounding as he smiled, flashing those beautiful dimples at her.

"I suppose you think that anytime you're in trouble you can just say 'I love you, James' and it'll all be okay?" He was smiling but there was something else beneath it, something she couldn't define, like a soft sadness, or doubt.

Her smiled had faded, replaced by a breathless stare as she said, "Yeah."

The strange look was gone; maybe I imagined it, she thought. He was grinning, and he grabbed the edge of one of the mattresses and flipped it up on its side, lifting it up against him as he motioned to the door. "Well...you're right. You can." he winked at her, and she smiled slyly. "But don't make a habit of it."

Now they lay entwined, her soft breath tickling the hair on his arm, making him tingle. He knew why Ed hadn't wanted him to see the vision, and as he ran it through his mind for the millionth time he noticed something. He wasn't in it. It had never struck him before, since all he was worried about was Kate, but now, as his concern turned to himself too, it was as plain as day. He wasn't there.

Ed, he thought, his hand sliding over Kate's stomach, I know now. I can't do it. I want to be there.

Vincent padded up to him, snuffling softly; he whimpered, quietly, and Sawyer glared at him. "No, I don't have to do it. I can't." His whisper was harsh and ragged; Kate shifted beside him, murmuring a little about flowers and rain and he smiled, reading her feelings. "You see why? I _love_ her, Ed, I can't let her go. Not after...I know what is ahead and I want to be there. It's all I've _ever_ wanted." And he knew it was true, even as he said it; his quest for Frank Sawyer and his self loathing had all stemmed from one desire. He wanted to have a family, a group where he could belong; to have what he lost, but he was afraid, he didn't know how to do it, and that fear turned to hatred for Sawyer and he spiralled down from there but always, always in the back of his mind was the family, the love. He'd been afraid, though, to try to find it; the memory of his mother, it was her cheating that had led to the whole mess and he couldn't bring himself to trust any woman enough to risk his heart that way, but now he had found her, the one woman in the world, the one _person_ in the world he could trust and he was going to have to give it up.

Eko's voice echoed in his ear. _I know you don't want to, James, but you have to._

Growling in a whisper Sawyer replied, "No, I don't."

Eko gave a ghostly sigh. _You see why I did not want you to see that vision? Your judgment is clouded by desire and you must push it aside. This is your sarifice, James, to get what you want._

"How can it be what I want? I won't _be_ there for it." He was angry and his eyes shot sparks at Vincent, who was sitting close by, watching.

_Kate will be happy, James, and your son will be healthy. That is all that any father should want._

A tear rolled from his cheek and dripped onto Kate's cheek, waking her; she sat up with a start and her eyes went to Sawyer, his eyes glistening in the dark. "What is it? James, What's wrong?"

Her hand went to his wet cheek and he pressed his face to it, feeling her warm hands scraping against his stubble; he grabbed her in a huge hug and shook his head. "Nothin', Freckles. Just a nightmare."

He wasn't telling the truth and Kate tensed, gripping him with all of her strength as he clutched at her, trembling violently against her. "Must have been some nightmare."

His voice was shaky as he said, panting,"It was. And I'm still in it, Kate." He sobbed once and she gripped his hair, holding him against her shoulder, looking up at the sky in fear. "I'm still in it."


	95. Chapter 95

**Chapter 95**  
Kate finally went back to sleep after Sawyer convinced her he was fine, it was just a very lifelike nightmare. Her body was soft and warm against him, and her skin was like silk and he rubbed her, gently, reveling in the way his hand slid smoothly over her until she was snoring, softly, then his hand stopped and slid to her belly, where he held it, feeling the force, the life he and Kate had created. A vision appeared before his eyes, a little him; a thatch of blonde hair and deep, devilish dimples but his eyes, his eyes were Kate's, deep jungle green and almost almond shaped, framed by long, dark lashes and as he watched the little him smiled up at Kate and she was radiant, glowing, but sad, too and his heart broke as she gazed at little James with all of the love and...every other emotion that she gave _him_ now. She _was_ happy, but she wasn't; Ed hadn't told him the entire truth. But little James was healthy and happy; he snuck up behind Kate, who pretended not to see him, and he jumped out at her with a sly little grin; she jumped, pretending to be scared, then lunged at him as he ran screaming with delight away from her reaching fingers.

The vision faded and Sawyer was glad; his heart was so broken that he didn't think he could ever piece it back together again. He didn't have to, he wouldn't need it. He leaned his forehead against Kate's sleeping shoulder, his hand still splayed across her stomach. He could feel him, little James, though he knew it was too early for that, but still, he could _feel_ him, and for some reason he felt such a surge of protectiveness, more than he had ever felt for Kate alone, that he knew he would do whatever it took for them to be safe and for his son to be whole; there was no hope for Kate, if he was gone she would never be whole, and it pained him to know it.

She rolled over onto her back, her eyes flickering open as he slid his head down to her stomach and pressed his ear to her navel; Kate just watched him, wondering. He hadn't said anything to her after his nightmare other than to try to convince her that that was all it was, but she knew better; he was hiding something and she would get it out of him eventually. She had just done her best to soothe and comfort him, until the tables gradually turned and he was the one soothing her as she fell asleep in his arms. Now he was whispering against her belly, softly, and she smiled as his breath tickled her a litle, but she didn't speak; she didn't want to break whatever spell he was under, whatever was making him shine so brightly.

He looked up and saw her eyes open, shining in the starlight and she whispered, "What are you doing?"

He lowered his head back to her belly and kissed it, gently; should he tell her? Why not? Didn't they deserve to share this little bit of happiness? She didn't have to know the rest, not yet; he could bear that burden for a while in exchange for a few moments of joy, because it was fleeting and he wanted to hold it in his hands, just for a lttle while longer. He looked back up, meeting her eyes with a sweet smile as he said, "I'm talking to our son."

Her eyes widened and she stared at him for a long moment before a smile slowly spread across her face."Our son?" Her eyes were gleaming and she said, "How do you know?"

He smiled up at her, his lips still hovering over her navel. "I know, Kate."

There was a happy, excited silence between them for a minute as they gazed breathlessly at each other. Kate had never dared to hope that she would be able to have this; the night she had been at Tom's house, the night he died, she had seen the pictures of his son, Connor, hanging on the fridge, and as she looked at them she knew she would never have a child; a son or a daughter to run to her open arms, to hold and to love and she wanted it so desperately, that she _hated_ Tom in that moment, that he had gotten it all while she had nothing but herself and cold stone underpasses and dirty, reeking truckers and empty, sad loneliness. She often wondered if that hatred had lingered enough to _make_ her put her foot on the gas and run the roadblock with him in the front seat.

She was going to have it; she was going to have a son, a little boy who loved her and wanted her, and she had a man who wanted her and loved her; she had never felt so complete, so whole as she did in that moment. Her eyes crinkled up as she cried, "Oh, James!" and he pulled himself hungrily up to her mouth and they laughed together as they kissed and hugged. "Oh..." her eyes wandered to his and he smiled at her. "A little you." She brushed a strand of hair from his face and kissed him.

He leaned on his elbow, propping his head on his hand as she stroked his cheek, feeling the stubble scraping gently against her knuckles. "He'll have your eyes, Kate. Those beautiful, terrible, green eyes."

"And your dimples," she whispered, "and your shaggy hair." She ran her fingers through it, tangling her fingers around it and pulling his lips to hers. "I love you."

He slid back down, wrapping his arms around her waist and laying his head on her stomach; he squeezed her, tight, and he smiled against her as he said, "I love you." He turned his lips to her belly and whispered softly, "I love you, too." She giggled and he smiled up at her. She gave him an expectant look and he said, "What?"

"Where's my proposal, Romeo? You knocked me up- it's a shotgun wedding for sure now. Ain't that how ya'll do it in Tennessee?"" He threw her a disgusted and somewhat frightened look; the question of marriage hadn't occurred to him and he started to panic before he realized she was kidding. He felt a little disappointed at that, though, and suddenly he climbed to his knees and said, "Katherine Aus-"

"Don't!" Kate laughed, waving him away, "I appreciate the gesture, but this isn't how I pictured it." She paused and cocked her head as he opened his mouth. "NOT that I'm saying I ever imagined it. Not from you, anyway."

He dropped back down beside her, his chin resting on her shoulder and his hand protectively over her stomach; he whispered, "So, how did you picture it, Freckles?"

"Well, first of all you'd have clothes on." She felt him smile against her shoulder and she said, "What?"

He laughed softly. "When I think about you, you _never_ have clothes on."

She rolled her eyes. "That doesn't surprise me." She sighed. "I don't know, James. I mean, I never really gave it much thought, you know? I never had a reason to."

His hand clenched her stomach and he said, "What about with Tom?"

She stiffened just a little and he was sorry he'd mentioned him, but she said, "That was just a little girl fantasy. Real life doesn't work that way."

He raised up on one elbow and looked down at her; he loved her with every fiber of his being, and now she had part of him growing inside her, she was carrying a little _them_; he gazed at her with love and awe, and said, "It's a good thing this ain't reality, baby." He pressed lightly on her stomach and said, "_This_ is real. He is real." He searched her eyes for something and he didn't find it; he looked down at his hand and said, "Marry me, Kate?"

She looked down at his hand, resting so protectively on her stomach and she smiled. "Yes, James." He raised his head and she was rewarded with the biggest smile she could imagine; he was beaming and pulsing with joyful light as he kissed her, burying his hands in her hair and pulling her close. "Of course I will."

There was a tapping noise and they both looked around as Kate quickly drew the blanket up over them; Sawyer reached for his pack and pulled out his gun; Vincent came padding in and woofed at them, looking up at the glass ceiling, where Kotori was banging into the glass repeatedly, trying to get their attention.

Sawyer gave Vincent a disgusted look and snapped, "Well, go let him in, he's gonna dent his feathers." Vincent gave him a nasty growl and trotted off, obviously in no particular hurry. "Vincent!"

He turned back and woofed, then ran up the stairs to the exit. Sawyer looked at Kate with wide eyes. "Do you believe that dog? Can't even follow a simple request without giving me lip." He stopped as he saw Kate's face; she was trying to keep from laughing. "What?"

She chuckled a little, she couldn't help it. "We already are a family, James, you, me and Vincent. He's your first kid. Hell," she said, grinning, "I always said that dog was just like you."

He laughed and hugged her, then sighed, rising from the mattress. "I guess I'd better go dry our clothes. I got a feeling this ain't good. Wait here, I'll be back in a minute." He bent down to her and kissed her, quickly, then sprinted to the stairs and out of sight.

Kate lay back against the pillow she had grabbed from upstairs and sighed, her hand wandering to her stomach, holding it with joy and fulfillment. She had everything she ever wanted and suddenly that thought terrified her; what if it was all too good to be true? What price was going to be exacted from her for the happiness she didn't really deserve?

Kotori came fluttering in, wearily; he clanked down heavily onto Kate's hand and whirred tiredly, his eyes spinning; he was obviously a little disoriented from banging himself into the window and she smoothed his little feathers gently while he hooted sweetly in her ear. Vincent came in, sulking, and he sat next to the mattress, eyeing the little owl with jealousy.

Sawyer came bounding back down the stairs, dressed, with Kate's clothes draped over his arm and he tossed them to her; she looked askance at Vincent and said, "Do you mind?"

He woofed wearily and turned his back on her, lying down and putting his head on his paws; Kotori jumped onto Sawyer's fingers and started hooting urgently as Kate slipped her clothes on quickly. They were still a little damp and had a faint scorched smell, but they were clean and that in itself was a blessing.

Sawyer glanced at Kate as the little owl chittered away, shaking his head. "Sara's in trouble; Locke suspects her of being a spy. He went ballistic tonight, almost killed her, but Jack stepped in. I think it would be best if we get her out of there."

Kate nodded. "We don't really need her to be there, do we? Kotori's little crew can keep tabs?"

Sawyer shrugged. "She can ask questions. But if he suspects her then that's useless; he won't tell her anything." He sighed, looking over at her, she was glowing and it wasn't from the starlight. "You ready for a rescue mission, Mrs. McGyver?"

She rolled her eyes. "McGyver? You're nothing like him." He took her hand and they started walking to the exit. "He fixed stuff with tinfoil and toothpicks and you, well, I don't know what you can do because you never actually do anything. I think you're more like Jim Rockford, you know, the Rockford Files? Because he liked to gamble and chase women, and that is definitely _you_. His name is even James, so that can't be a coincidence..." her voice trailed off as they climbed the stairs and Sawyer savored every single word.


	96. Chapter 96

**Chapter 96**

The sun had barely cleared the edge of the earth when Locke had them up and moving through the jungle. He led the way while Jack and Ana stayed close on his tail; after their litle confrontation their trust in him had diminished to the point that they never took their eyes off of him if they could help it. Sara trailed them by a good distance, at least, as far as she dared; Locke kept turning to look at her and she knew if she tried to run he'd kill her.

She was still tired; she hadn't dared to sleep, and as she lay motionless on the ground she'd heard the mournful hooting of an owl and smiled to herself. They would come for her, she was sure; they had to. They were _good_ people and they knew she was too; they would come for her, if she could just keep Locke from doing anything crazy until then. So she kept her eyes on the ground and close enough to keep him satisfied, and she listened for the sound of the cavalry coming to the rescue.

Locke kept an eye on Sara; he was still sure that she was on _their_ side, that she was there to pass them information. Not that she had learned anything valuable, but what if he'd taken her to the Foundation and she'd told them all of its secrets? He shuddered at the thought; he was going to kill her as soon as he could figure out a way to make it look like an accident since he didn't want to piss Jack off anymore than he already was. He was curious, though, to know how she was passing them the information; they hadn't had that much contact since she'd joined them. He guessed Sawyer could be reading her mind or something; shrugging his shoulders he figured there were way too many possibilities for him to really know unless she told him. He made a note to himself to try to get it out of her before he killed her.

Jack and Ana were alert, both of them setting aside their joy at being together to deal with the problem at hand; Locke. He was getting dangerously out of control, hell, he already _was_. He'd killed two people directly, and one by 'accident' and he'd shown no compunction against torture and murder to get what he wanted. The Island had possessed him, taken him over; his desires had gotten the best of him and now he was _owned_ by them, controlled by them, and that made him dangerous; he'd do anything to save the Island, and no one was safe.

Ana stayed close to Jack, and she kept glancing back at Sara; she didn't trust her either and it had nothing to do with Jack. It was just a vibe, a feeling that Sara was bad for them; she wondered if Locke was going to do anything about her. She smiled coldly to herself. Jack loved her, and she was happy, but there were people out there who wanted to take it from her, destroy it before they even had a chance to really enjoy it, and they had to be stopped.

They tramped slowly through the jungle as the sun rose higher and black clouds rolled in, blotting it out as the air grew wetter. Sara was slowing them down as much as she could and Ana helped inadvertently by suddenly grabbing her chest and falling to her knees; Jack went to her immediately but she croaked, "I'm okay. Locke." He smiled at her, admiringly, and turned his attention back to Locke even as he offered her his hand to help her up.

The skies opened up and sheets of rain poured down on them like huge buckets were being emptied from heaven; Sara squealed and started to bolt for cover, not that there was any, but she noticed everyone just standing in it, then trudging on after Locke.

Already soaked to the skin, Sara gave up and started after them, her feet sucking into the mud with every step. She was still exhausted and scared, and suddenly the jungle was full of whispers; whispers all around her, and she couldn't understand them, they swirled around her and she was jerked back into the jungle as Locke, Jack and Ana all spun around, guns out. She was _gone_, and Jack shook his head. "Damn."

The whispers faded away and the rain stopped as they were left standing in the clearing; Jack glanced at Ana's drawn gun and thanked God she hadn't shot anybody. They all looked at each other, then Locke shrugged. They just saved him having to kill her anyway. They all kept walking, but Old Jack glanced back one more time, looking with some remorse at where Sara had been standing.

-----

Vincent led them to a point where their trails would intersect and they sat back in the trees, waiting for them to pass. Kate sat against a tree trunk, lazily picking at a piece of grass as the morning sun warmed the jungle; she watched as Sawyer hovered around, restless and worried. Things were coming to a head, he could feel it, and soon. The stakes were high, it was life and death; Locke wasn't playing a game, and as he looked at Kate, lying against the trunk, her arm cocked over one leg as she twisted a piece of grass in her fingers he thought, I'm not playing a game, either. I'll kill anyone who touches her.

She was gazing at him, or rather, through him, and he smiled at her faraway, peaceful look; the sun was shining on her, casting her in a golen halo, and he stared back, mesmerized by how damn beautiful and natural she was, how unworldly and yet of the earth at the same time.

Her eyes slowly focused on him as he gazed at her and she smiled as he cocked his head at her. "What are you thinkin' about, Kate?"

"You." Her hand rubbed gently across her belly. "Us." Sawyer smiled but it wasn't real and it faltered a little; Kate noticed and she said, "What?"

He couldn't tell her the truth; he couldn't be the reason for the happy light to vanish from her eyes, not yet. Not until he had to; he wanted to enjoy every second with Kate, happy and content and _his_. "Nothin', Freckles. I'm just hungry."

Her eyes lit up and she bounced to her feet, unzipping her pack and pulling out her fruit bag and slinging it over her shoulder. "Great. Me too. I'll go get us something."

"What? You can't climb trees anymore, Kate. You gotta be careful."

She turned to him, starting to say something smart about how she could take care of herself, but when she saw his face she stopped, and her heart melted; tender concern and fear were written plainly across it and she smiled gently, going to him and putting her hand on his arm. "I can't stop doing things, James, just because I'm..." she couldn't quite bring herself to say the word yet, it was too unreal, "just because. At least, not yet." She kissed him gently on the nose. "You'll get your chance to take care of me. I'll need you soon enough."

"Okay, Freckles," he sighed, "I just worry. Especially now." His eyes met hers and held them. "The stakes are higher now, Kate. Be careful, please." He kissed her, his lips sad and soft and she brushed her fingers across his cheek before dashing off into the trees.

He watched her go, holding his smile until she disappeared, then his face fell and he _sagged_ a little, grimacing as Vincent woofed reprimandingly at him. He looked aside at the dog, his chest hurting so much he couldn't breathe and snapped, "What business is it of yours, Lassie? I'll tell her eventually."

Vincent stood and faced Sawyer angrily, his eyes snapping and his hackles raised; he growled, deep in his throat and bared his teeth. Sawyer glared back. "Don't threaten me, Vincent. I know you love her, but you see how happy she is? How can I take that away? She'll know soon enough, and I'm sparin' her that pain as long as I can." The truth was, he couldn't bear to know that he made her unhappy, that he took that glow and spark from her. He knew the longer he waited, the worse it would be but he just couldn't bring himself to do it.

Vincent growled again, and Sawyer snapped. "What the hell do you know about it, anyway? You're a _dog_."

He stopped growling and sat on his haunches, looking curiously at Sawyer; he began to change, to shift, and as Sawyer gaped at him, he burst open and bright white light spilled out through his skin, blinding Sawyer with its brilliance. A pair of silvery wings unfolded from the light and an angelic face and for a brief second Sawyer _saw_ heaven and it was beautiful, then the wings folded back in and the light retracted, pulling Vincent back together until with a soft _zip_ he was sitting, his tongue lolling out as he laughed at Sawyer's dazed expression. "Okay. So you're _not_ just a dog."

He woofed and a white light glowed in his eyes before Kate came trotting back into the clearing, a smile on her face. "Guess what!" he grinned at her; she was a little breathlass and sweaty, and she was glowing as she held up two oranges and two peaches. "There's a little grove back there, and what's left of a hut." She held up the fruit to him, grinning. "At least they aren't mangoes."

He smiled, taking one of the peaches. "Amen to that." It was heavenly; the peach nectar tasted like ambrosia on his tongue and Kate watched him with joy, and a sense of purpose; she had to get used to taking care of someone, and Sawyer was the perfect one to practice on.

They ate quietly for a minute, enjoying something different; Kate gazed at Sawyer and he smiled at her, and they were the only three creatures in existence.

A blue and red bird flew by, squawking loudly and Sawyer jerked out of his Kate induced haze, smiling grimly. "They're coming. Are you ready?"

She nodded, excitement building in her gut. They melted back into the trees and a few seconds later Locke came into view, followed by Jack and Ana, then trailing, Sara. Sawyer closed his eyes and waved his hand and suddenly black clouds rolled over them; he waved his hand at Ana and she suddenly fell to the ground, clutching her chest. Jack went to her but she waved him away, saying something that made Jack turn his eyes back to Locke; Sawyer smiled to himself. They didn't trust the bastard either.

He snapped his fingers and the skies opened up, dumping rain on them, and Sara squealed, looking for cover; not finding any she stood, defeated, then started to follow the others. Sawyer held his hand up to his mouth like a megaphone and he whispered into it, just nonsense stuff; the whispers magnified and swirled around Sara and Sawyer waved his hand, jerking her backwards into the trees before the others could turn around.

As she flew backwards into his hands he put one around her mouth, stifling her scream; she saw Kate and relaxed as Locke moved off, followed by Jack and Ana. Sara smiled sadly as Jack glanced back one more time, then Sawyer removed his hand from her mouth, smiling apologetically. "Sorry. Hope I didn't scare you too much."

She shook her head, grinning. Already she felt happier, more alive, _safer_ and she said, "Just a little. Locke was scaring me more." She drew a deep breath and let it out shakily. "Thanks for coming to get me. I swear, I thought he was going to kill me last night."

Kate put her hand on Sara's shoulder. "Yeah, we heard. Are you okay?"

She nodded, smiling. Something was different about Kate, but she couldn't put her finger on it. "Yeah. Somehow he figured I was telling you guys stuff and he went nuts. Jack saved me, though."

Kate hugged her and Sara _knew_; it radiated from her like the sun. Sara was happy for them but she didn't say anything, just hugged Kate back with unexpected force. "Are _you_ okay?"

Kate pulled back, laughing. "Never better, Sara." She gazed over at Sawyer, who was smiling gently at her and she beamed. "So, where were they going?"

Sara smiled. "I guess I get to pass on some information anyway." Kate smiled. "The Foundation."

Kate and Sawyer exchanged glances and Kate said, "The Foundation? The Alvar Hanso Foundation?"


	97. Chapter 97

**Chapter 97**  
"The Alvar Hanso Foundation?"

Sara shrugged, a little alarmed at their reaction. "I don't know. He just said the Foundation." She looked at Sawyer. "Ana said he'd been there before, that he took a 'virtual tour'." She shuddered as she remembered the look in Locke's eyes when Ana and Jack cornered him; it was scary and insane and she felt another wave of gratitude that Sawyer and Kate had rescued her.

Kate put her arm around her shoulder and led her to a fallen log, helping her sit; she still didn't look good, and Kate imagined she hadn't slept much the night before. "What happened, Sara? How did he know?"

She closed her eyes and leaned back into Kate's arm as Sawyer sat on the ground at her feet. "We made camp a little way in, Ana was having a hard time and Jack made Locke stop." She grimaced; she'd barely been standing and nobody gave a damn. "He kept staring at me and finally he sat next to us, asking me about you," she looked at Kate and shook her head at her frightened look, "Nothing specific, he just commented that I seemed happy to see you, then he flipped out and started screaming that I was helping you destroy the Island."

Kate and Sawyer exchanged glances again, and Sawyer said, "You are."

She looked at him for a long moment, then nodded. "Good. I don't like this place." She sighed and shivered at the image of Locke's eyes bulging as he screamed at her, madly, and she continued. "Jack stopped him, I'm sure he was going to kill me." Kate hugged her shoulder again and she leaned her head against Kate, suddenly very, very tired.

"Did you sleep at all, Sara?" Kate lifted her face and looked into her blackened eyes. "No, you didn't." She glanced over at Sawyer, who was staring into the distance, deep in thought. "James, what should we do? She needs to rest."

Sawyer jerked back to her, shaking his head a little to clear it; at the mention of the Foundation he'd had a flash, a room of bright white light and total darkness, cold gleaming walls and wooden crosses. His eyes focused on Kate and he said, "Huh? Sorry?" Kate smirked at him a little and he threw her a look of disgust. "I was just thinkin' about somethin', Freckles."

"Earth to James. I said, Sara is tired, she needs to rest. What do you want to do?"

He ran his hands through his shock of hair, brushing it from his eyes, and he grinned at Kate. "Well, I ain't in any particular hurry, Darlin', why don't we mosey on back to the hatch and set up housekeepin' for the day?" He glanced at Vincent for approval, and he lolled his tongue out, grinning; let them have another day of happiness. It won't last long.

Kate nodded, looking kindly at Sara; the poor woman was about to collapse. "Let's go, then. James, can you help her? I'm going to go get us some more fruit from that grove. I'll catch up." She caught his look and smiled; he was not going anywhere without her and he was readying himself for a fight. "I'll take Vincent, okay? I'll be fine."

Sawyer glanced at the dog who stared back, his eyes flashing bright white; he nodded and said, "But be careful, Kate." He stood and helped her up, then held his hand out to Sara, who took it gratefully and rose with a groan. Vincent was already on his feet, panting happily at the edge of the trees; Sawyer took Kate in his arms and hugged her tight before kissing her softly and leaning his head against hers. He had a bad feeling and he didn't want to let her out of his sight, but with Vincent with her she would be fine. He whispered in her ear, "I love you, Freckles. Be careful."

She grinned and kissed his cheek. "I will." She slung her pack over her back and with a last smile she disappeared into the woods.

Sara touched Saywer's hand softly as he stared after Kate; he glanced down at her and smiled. "She'll be fine, you know." She ducked her head and said, "Congratulations."

He seemed surprised as he said, "She told you?"

"No." Chuckling, she looked up and met his eyes. "I could tell. She's glowing."

He looked a little proud, and he put his arm around her shoulder, holding her up as they walked back towards the hatch. "Glowing. Yeah."

-----

Kate and Vincent trotted through the jungle, headed for the little grove she had found earlier; she also wanted to take a closer look at the hut before she caught up to Sawyer. Vincent was trotting beside her, his tongue lolling out as he panted and she said, "I thought you'd be in better shape by now, dog."

He looked up at her, chuffing disgustedly between pants and she laughed. "I don't know what you just said, but I'll bet I can guess." She smiled down at him but it faded as she thought about Sawyer's melancholy gaze. "Why is he so sad, Vincent? I can feel it in him but he won't let me in, he won't tell me _why_." He didn't answer and she rolled her eyes at him. "You wouldn't tell me if you could." She slowed to a walk, her energy suddenly gone because she knew, deep down, why he was so sorrowful; she looked at Vincent, who had slowed next to her and said, "He's going to die, isn't he?"

Vincent didn't look up at her and she nodded. "I knew it." Tears welled up in her eyes and she tried to stifle her sob. "Why? Why does it have to be this way?"

He still didn't look at her and she stopped dead. "Why, Vincent? I want to know."

He stopped and turned to her, then with a deep doggy sigh he began shifting and changing, and like beofre he split apart blasting bright white light across the trees around them; the silvery wings unfurled and Kate gasped, raising her hand to shield her eyes from the glare. She couldn't see a face but she could just make out the outline of a body; it shimmered gray in the dazzling light and she could see the wings extended out into the sun.

He spoke and it boomed through the jungle, shaking the ground below her but it was all in her head; not even the birds chirped at the deep rumble. _It is his sacrifice, to die that you and your son may live._

Kate was gaping at him, her jaw dropped; she had never seen something so beautiful. She had never seen anything so terrible. "I don't want to live without him. _I'll_ die." Her voice was shaking and she realized with a start that _she_ was shaking; her entire body trembled with rocketing spasms as he spoke again.

_I know you think that way, Kate, but he will always be with you. Your son will ease your pain and you will go on._ He flapped his wings and a few silvery feathers floated to the ground. _He loves you, Kate, you are everything he ever wanted and you are giving him what he wants most in the world. Don't waste his sacrifice by killing yourself._ The voice softened and the light dimmed a little. _Accept it, Kate, and do what you can to make him happy now. And have faith; things will work out in the end._

She was breathing heavily and she shook her head, smiling at Vincent grimly. "I won't accept it," she said, trying to calm her tremors, "but I will make him happy."

The light dwindled as Vincent shrank back into himself, snapping together with a soft _zip_. Kate waited for her eyes to adjust to the sudden dim light as she stared at the dog; he was smiling at her, his eyes sad and brown, and she sighed before kneeling down to him and looking him in the eyes as she held his face close. "Thank you, for being honest. I have faith. He's like Tinkerbelle, maybe if enough of us clap our hands he won't fade away." She bent down and picked up a couple of the silvery feathers.

Vincent woofed, grinning, and she cocked her head at him, smiling back through tear streaked eyes. "And you'd better not tell him I compared him to Tinkerbelle."

Vincent chuffed softly and she kissed him on the nose. "Okay, mutt, let's go get some food. Maybe he can multiply it, like the loaves and fishes." Vincent rolled his eyes at her and they continued through the woods.

-----

Jack and Ana walked hand in hand behind Locke; with Sara gone they made faster time and before the sun was high overhead they had gone more than halfway to the Foundation. Locke called a halt so they could drink and catch their breath and they plopped down in the shade, pulling out their bottles; Jack watched Locke like a hawk, he still didn't trust him especially around Ana, because she could be used against him too.

He wondered where they were going, what the Foundation was; he had an idea that it had to do with the Alvar Hanso Foundation, but what exactly that would turn out to be he head no idea.

"Have you been there, Locke?"

"Have I been where, Jack?"

Rolling his eyes Jack said, "The moon, Locke." He shook his head. "The Foundation."

John cocked his head to the side, glancing at Jack. "Sort of." Jack was apparently waiting for him to elaborate. "I guess you could say I toured someone's memory of it."

"And who would that be?"

A gruff voice issued from the bushed as Bluebeard stepped out, grinning through his scruffy beard. "That would be me, Jack."

"Really." He smirked at him. "And who exactly _are_ you? Because I don't think I caught your name."

Bluebeard chuckled, stroking his hairy chin. "Well that's probably 'cause I ain't dropped it. But, if it will make you feel better, you can all me Al."

Jack was quickly becoming agitated and Old Jack was fighting his way to the surface. "Al. Uh huh. As in Alvar Hanso?"

Alvar nodded appreciatively. "Smarter than I thought. Yes, you are correct, I am Alvar Hanso." He spread his arms wide. "Welcome to my Island."

Jack actually smiled. "Wonderful. Now maybe we can get some answers."

Alvar shook his head. "I wouldn't count on many, Jack. You know what they say about too many chiefs, right?" He wagged his finger in Jack's face, and only Ana's hand on his arm restrained him from knocking the guy's teeth in. "Now, be a good little Indian and sit and listen." It seemed for a minute that Jack was going to lose it, but he sat back in the shade as Alvar began to speak. "My father disappeared when I was very young. I never knew what really happened to him, but my mother always told me that he had vanished into thin air one day when they were walking in the woods; everyone thought she was crazy and that he had just run off with some truck-stop waitress or something. As I grew older even I believed it. Then, in college, I read a book about a young girl who travels across time and space to find her lost father who had vanished. I became obsessed with the idea of actually travelling through the time/space barrier and switched my major from English to Physics, where I quickly rose to the top of the class as I studied different ways to bend the time/space continuum. And I finally found it; magnets."

Jack shook his head in disbelief. "Magnets?"

Hanso nodded. "Yes, you see, the tesseract is a mass of opposites, and those opposites create the wormhole by repelling each other so violently that a hole is torn in the fabric of existence. I recreated the effect by using giant magnets and I opened the door to this Island." He paused, then said, "The opposite sides of it are why it always calls a Savior and a Destroyer, the Light and the Dark."

Jack was staring, trying to take it all in. "So you created the tesseract?"

He shook his head. "No, no. It already existed and the door to this place had been opened many times before I got here, but with the magnets I learned to control it, to use it to my benefit." He paused, looking at John. "You see, the Island cannot live on its own. It needs people to power it, special people, like Walt and your buddy Sawyer, though they are the extreme end of the spectrum; Claire's baby is one, too, as were the children we took from your camp," he nodded at Ana and she shot him a glare, "And all of the others we took. They have faith, and as they are trained to use that faith on the Island then it continues to exist."

"Trained?" Jack shot a nasty look at Locke. "What exactly does that mean?"

Hanso grinned, his teeth white in his beard. "Too many Chiefs, Jack. That is information for another time." His grin widedned. "Maybe." He turned to Locke. "Are we goin' or what?"

Jack took a last wild stab at a question. "What is the button for?"

Hanso looked back at him for a minute, then smiled, nodding slowly. "Okay, Jack, one more question. Locke tells me you've been pushing the button even though you think it's a crock. Well, let me tell you, it's not." He hesitated, then continued. "We discovered eventually that the magnets make the tesseract unsteady, unstable. We had it under control until the last time there was a war." He shot Jack a look. "You know about the wars? There is always one on the horizon, here, as the Island tries to balance itself between good and bad, Light and Dark, and so every few years it calls to two people, two special people." He stroked his beard thoughtfully for a moment. "Bobby Fischer once said, 'Chess is like war on a board.' Well, that's what happens here. Light and Dark square off and battle for the Island, one to save it, one to destroy it." He leaned close, his eyes gleaming even in the bright afternoon sunshine. "But they really aren't all that different, you know? They both want to win, they both think they're right... and they will both sacrifice their pawns to get what they want. Victory." He let that sink in, then he leaned out of their space and grinned. "A few years after I established this base to control the tesseract it called them here. A plane crash, like yours. The war was terrible; many were killed on both sides but in the end the Light won and took back the children and as the Island's power waned so did our ability to control the tesseract. Only quick work by some of our technicians kept it from overtaking the entire Island and sending it to an alternate universe. But one glitch could not be fixed and that is why every so often it has to be reset; kind of like a snooze button on an alarm clock, or it will take control and obliterate the island and everything on it."

Jack held his breath as he asked, "And how long is every so often?"

Hanso smiled, showing his unnaturaaly white teeth again. "No more questions, Jack. And besides, I believe you already know the answer to that."


	98. Chapter 98

**Chapter 98**  
They made their way through the jungle silently, Locke and Hanso in the lead while Jack and Ana followed. Both of them were still trying to assimilate the information they had just heard, but just like every other answer on this Island it only brought up more questions. Was the 'training' just another word for brainwashing? Or did they somehow become like the Others? And what made the Others the way they were? Jack shook his head, trying to clear it; he took Ana's hand and for a few minutes everything else faded away as they strolled together in the afternoon sun; it fell on their shoulders, warming them, though Ana was plenty warm as it was.

The ache in her chest was fading and she could breathe easier, though if she took a deep breath it still hurt like hell but without the constant thudding pain her mind was free to wander to Jack. He loved her. It still gave her goosebumps to think about it, and she smiled to herself as he glanced over at her little shiver. A smile was playing at the corners of his mouth and he said, "Are you cold?"

She didn't smile. "Not at all."

Their eyes held for a second before they both looked away; if they kept it up they would be thrashing around on the jungle floor in front of whoever and not give a damn about it. "You doing okay?"

She risked a glance at him; his eyes were on her, blazing, and she stopped and kissed him, her tongue meeting his with urgent passion. His eyes slid to Locke and Hanso; they were almost gone into the tree line and Locke glanced back, shaking his head at them before continuing into the jungle, Hanso grinning and following behind.

With the knowledge that they would be alone, Jack's ardor intensified as he slid her top over her head, feeling her smooth, muscular arms as he did; she groaned a little and snuck her hands up under his t-shirt, raking her nails down his back lightly as he groaned and pushed her against the nearest tree trunk, his lips sliding down to her neck. "I was scared, Ana," he said, "I was so scared that I lost you."

She gripped the back of his head, pulling his mouth back to hers in response. Drawing away softly, she said, "You weren't the only one. I...I think I actually died for a minute, you know? It was like I was in this long white hallway, and Jason was beside me, but he wasn't horrible anymore, he was just a kid, just a guy, and he asked me to lead him to the light, that he had lost his way. So, I-I did, and then I heard you calling me." She looked up and met his dark eyes, flickering with desire and she whispered, "So I came back." She grinned. "With Sawyer's help, though."

Jack grinned. "I'll bet it killed him to do it. But how did he know? He just happened to show up when..." his eyes clouded and he snarled. "Sara." Ana didn't say anything and he looked at her quizzically, but his tone was a little angry. "You suspected her, didn't you?"

She sighed, nodding. "Yeah. But I didn't know for sure and I didn't want to stir things up, between _us_."

The mood had been broken; the knowledge that Sara had betrayed him once again had an ill effect, making him angry at any woman, every woman. He knew it was irrational, a vestige of Old Jack lurking in the corners of his mind, but he couldn't help it as he backed away from Ana, pulling his shirt back down and tossing hers to her without looking. "You could've said something to me. She _was_ a spy." He turned on her, his anger at Sara manifesting itself as he ranted at Ana. "Locke is right. I didn't consider the danger _this_ woman is posing." His eyes slid to Ana and he snarled, "You. You're dangerous."

"Excuse me?" She flared at his sudden animosity towards her; what had she done? "What exactly are you saying? That I'm a spy? A traitor?"

He shook his head, a crazy light glowing in his eyes. "No. But you're a distraction." Ana was a little freaked; it was like the double dose of betrayal from Sara had short-circuited his mind, melding Old Jack haphazardly with New Jack and she was afraid it had combined the two worst aspects of them. "I have to help Locke win this war and I can't do it if I'm always worried about you."

Cold fear clutched at her stomach as she said, a little hoarsely, "I thought I was the reason you wanted to win."

His smile was cold but she could see the sadness and hurt beneath it as he turned his back on her to follow Locke. "No." He stopped but didn't turn around and his voice was faint. "I think you're my sacrifice, so that I _can_ win."

-----

Sawyer was beginning to really get worried about Kate when he reached the base of the mountain and she still hadn't caught up; Sara saw the look in his eye and said, "Go look for her. I'll be fine here."

He considered it and had made up his mind to go when she and Vincent came trotting out of the tree line. Kate was flushed but smiling happily and she went to Sawyer, enfolding him in a huge hug, pressing her sweat-soaked body against his with fierce passion and he gripped her back, his arms tight around her waist as he lifted her up and kissed her.

Sara smiled and glanced at Vincent; he grinned back and sat next to her, leaning into her hand as she stared studiously at his ears while busily scratching them.

He finally set her down and they leaned together for a second, his hand resting gently on her belly as he kissed her forehead, then they reluctantly pulled apart and joined Sara and Vincent. "What took you so long, Freckles?"

She grinned as Sara stood wearily and eyed the mountain with dismay. "I checked out that hut. It was just a bunch of poles and rotten fronds but I did find this." She opened her hand and there was a small gold coin in it and she handed it to Sawyer; on one side was an engraving of a man with a halo behind his head and Sawyer flipped it over and on the back it said:

Saint Vincent Ferrer  
Patron Saint of Construction and Carpentry  
5 April

He looked askance at Vincent, who woofed happily and licked Kate's hand, then Sara's. "You sneaky dog."

Kate hefted the bag of fruit she had gathered and Sawyer tried to take it from her, to carry, but she batted away his hands and pointed silently to Sara, who was swaying dangerously as fatigue and exhaustion took its toll; her eyes rolled back in her head and Sawyer barely caught her with a wave before she fell. He sighed and lifted her manually over his shoulder, and smiled at Kate over the seat of Sara's jeans, leering down at them until Kate smacked him, grinning disapprovingly.

It didn't take them long to reach the hatch entrance and as they reached the bunk room Sawyer set Sara gently onto one of the beds and as Kate pulled off her shoes he pulled the blankets down on another. Kate unlaced and pulled off her other shoe he picked her up and moved her gently to the undone mattress, sliding her feet beneath the sheets as Kate pulled them up over her chest. They stood back, wrapping their arms around each other as they admired their handi-work; smiling, they headed down the stairs to the Crater Room.

Kate squeezed Sawyer's waist and said, "Um, when Vincent and I were out in the jungle he...showed me something."

Sawyer swivelled his eyes to her, brows raised as he said, "Oh, _really_?"

She rolled her eyes and said, "Yeah, really. He's...he's an angel." She glanced up to make sure she didn't think she was crazy.

Sawyer knew of course, but he wanted to get even with her for making him worry, so he said, "Angel? Honey, that dog may be a lot of things but an angel definitely ain't one of em."

She smiled, shaking her head. "Well, you got me there. But he's not that kind of angel." She paused. "Did you ever see the movie _Michael_, with John Travolta?" He cocked his eyebrows at her and she said, "I didn't have much else to do in jail, you know."

He kissed her gently, then shook his head. "Right. No, I didn't see it."

She caressed his chest as they climbed into the shaky recliner together, only they left it upright and Kate draped herself over Sawyer's lap, curling against him. "Well, see, he's an angel. A real, live angel, with wings and powers." She giggled. "But he also smokes, drinks beer, screws truck stop waitresses, and walks around in his boxers scratching his nuts in front of company." She giggled again and Sawyer laughed too; the image she painted was the spitting image of Vincent. "He's been sent to Earth to save these two people who have lost their way; but Angels only get so many trips down here and this is his last." Her voice dropped and she laid her head against his shoulder, kissing the cleft of his collarbone. "He decides to live it up; enjoy every single second of it."

He didn't speak for a second; the feel of her lips on his skin left him speechless and she was sad, he could feel it, something was bothering her and he knew with dread what it must be. I don't want to deal with that now, he thought, and so he finally he gathered himself and said, "So you think _Vincent_ was sent here to make sure that we hooked up?" He grinned, hoping to make her laugh again. "Well, Freckles, I _was_ prayin' for it mighty hard."

That did make her laugh and she shook her head against his chest. "Something like that." She sighed a little and he tensed. "I know, James."

Icicles dropped into his gut. "Know what?" He was frozen with dread; it was too much for him to face it himself but he couldn't bear to watch Kate struggle with it too, and he cursed Vincent silently for telling her.

She raised her head from his chest and looked into his eyes, holding them; he looked away and she smiled sadly, caressing his cheek. "I _know_, James. Are you going to make me say the words?" Her throat closed up and she choked out the last few words as tears began to slide down her face; Sawyer grasped her to him, clutching her and rocking them softly in the creaking chair.

"I'm sorry, baby," he whispered into her hair, "I'm sorry."

She sat up, suddenly, her eyes blazing. "Don't be sorry," she said, grabbing his face between her hands and holding his eyes with hers, "be angry. Don't accept it, James, _fight_ it."

He was suddenly angry too, and he grabbed one of her hands and held it, tight, closing his eyes. "Kate, _this_ is what I'm fighting for." She gasped as the vision he had seen yesterday flowed behind her eyes; the little James with his blonde hair and green eyes and Kate, sad but laughing as she chased their sqealing son around the room. It faded and Kate sat, breathlessly, staring at him as her chest heaved. He let go of her arm and said softly, "That's what I'm gonna die for, Kate. Don't you think it's worth it?"

She nodded as she said, "No," and burst into tears.

Sawyer chuckled a little and drew her to his chest again, stroking her hair as her tears wet the front of his shirt. "Kate, baby, please...it's okay. I'll always be here," he pressed his hand to her belly and smiled as her sobs abated, "a part of him. And I'll be watching you, and protecting you, and I'll come to see you, in your dreams. I'll never really be gone."

Her mouth was suddenly on his with a frantic urgency; within seconds he had her on the mattress, tearing at her clothes in a frenzy as she struggled with his shirt buttons. He jerked it open, ripping off the last two buttons and fell back onto her, groaning as her hands slid over his bare skin and down to his jeans and he pulled her shirt over her head, burying his face against her chest, tasting the sweet sweat and hearing her heart beating wildly against her chest.

They came together in an explosion and they rocked together frantically until Kate groaned and Sawyer shuddered and let out a strangled cry as he slumped against her, their sweat and Kate's tears mingling and sticking them together.

Sawyer raised up and wiped away her tears, kissing them gently. "Kate," he groaned, "Please. I can't take it."

She smiled. "I wasn't crying because I'm sad." She levered herself up onto her elbows, her heart lurching as she _looked_ at him, his sweaty hair hanging in his face as he hovered above her, his blue eyes drowning in love and happiness and fear; she touched his cheek, softly, and said, "I'm happy." She choked out a half-laugh through her tears. "Despite...that, I'm happy, just to be here with you," she glanced down at her stomach and smiled, "and him. I love you." Her eyes glowed fiercely as she leaned up to his ear and whispered, "I'm going to save you, James, whether you want me to or not."

'Oh, Kate," he said, kissing her softly, "I want you to."

Their eyes met and they smiled, and Kate's eyes lit up mischieviously. "So, I was...seeing this guy once, and funny enough, his name was Angel," she laughed, and Sawyer chuckled too.

"Angel? Funny name for a guy."

She nodded. "Yeah. He was from Argentina, and I guess it's pretty common there, because we were talking one day, about kids and names and I asked him how he got his name. He said that he was named for his dad. His dad's name was Miguel Angel, and the custom in his family was to take the first and middle name of the father and reverse them for the son." She grinned and he rolled his eyes.

"Funny. I absolutely _forbid_ you to name my son Jackson."

She giggled and snuggled up to him, basking in the sun shining through the glass roof. "Well, then I guess you'd better be around to stop me."


	99. Chapter 99

**Chapter 99**

Ana didn't know what to do; any other time she would have run after him and knocked some sense into him if she had to; but his words were a severe blow to her already aching chest and she simply stood in the same spot, watching him disappear into the trees. He didn't look back and her knees went watery; the forest was silent around her and her breath heaved in her chest as she began to panic.

Jack kept walking, listening for her footsteps behind him; he was sure she would follow him, but as he got farther away he realized that she wasn't coming and he had to force himself not to look back. He didn't want to care, women were nothing but trouble and they all betrayed him in the end; Sara, then Kate, and now even Ana, a little, when she didn't confide her suspicions to him. He hated them all, and at the thought he sped up, trying to catch Locke and Hanso.

Locke was a little surprised to see Jack running up without Ana and so _soon_, but he just raised his eyebrows and didn't say anything. He fell into step beside them, and Locke noticed a change; he was totally focused on the mission. The two Jacks had merged into one, combining the drive and commitment of the Old Jack with the uncaring attitude and pliability of the New Jack and it made a perfect combination. For him.

Jack didn't mention Ana and Locke didn't ask; he kept his eyes firmly in front of him as he asked, "So what is the Foundation, John?"

John shrugged. "A research center, mostly. But there are some...other things there too."

Jack was persistant. "Like what?"

Smiling, Locke said, "Nothing I can really explain, Jack. Patience, remember? You will see soon enough."

Hanso grinned and spoke, his gruff voice rubbing Jack the wrong way. "Have you been amazed by all of the things you've seen? All of the things I've built? This place was nothing when I came here, just a scrubby, overgrown pile of rocks and trees." he gazed around and his smile faded. "It used to be different, you know. The...incident created havoc and ruined almost all of the facilities."

Jack nodded, his eyes still staring straight ahead. "How do you mean?"

Hanso sighed heavily. "This is a long story, Jack. I hope you're ready." Jack nodded and he said, "Okay. This Island is what you may consider a jumping off point, in regards to the tesseract; when you go into it from the Island, there are a billion other worlds you can go to, but when you exit that other world and go back into the tesseract it will always bring you back here, understand?" Jack didn't answer and Hanso grinned. "I'll take that as a yes. When we had discovered how to control the tesseract , we decided to use it to explore other worlds, but we found to our dismay that tessering more than a few times can...damage you. So we built the zoological research facility to create and test drugs that would make it possible to pass through without being corrupted."

Jack snapped his head around at that. "Corrupted?"

Hanso nodded. "Yes. I can't explain it well enough, but I can show you when we get to the Foundation." He paled a little and added, "It's not pleasant, Jack, but as you are a doctor I think you can handle it." He shuddered and continued. "We tested the animals for strength, intelligence, communication abilities, stealth and life expectancy; all of the things that were damaged." He nodded at Jack's look of horror. "Yeah, like I said, it wasn't pretty." He sighed. "Anyway, we discovered a potent mix of drugs and we tested some of the animals with it; it worked magnificently. We were in the final stages of preparing for human testing when the War broke out and to our dismay, some of the animals escaped during a battle."

It was all starting to fall into place for Jack; he smiled as Hanso continued. "There have always been people here, Jack, people who wandered into the tesseract, who were called by it, just so you know, but when the animals got loose, the animals who had been tested with a plethora of enhancement and mood-altering drugs, well, I guess you can imagine what happened. Wolves, horses, big cats, monkeys, birds, polar bears- the were smart, strong, stealthy, they learned how to _work together_, and they tipped the scales in the battle, killing of most of the dark side's pawns while protecting the Light." He shook his head. "It's amazing how a creature's brain works...they aren't all that different from humans. They have senses of humor, feelings, hates, wants." His eyes gleamed at Jack. "We are all just animals, Jack. It would do you good to remember that."

Jack glared at him,"I don't need you to tell me what I am."

He shrugged. "Fair enough. Anyway, after a while the battle was lost and everything was destroyed, and then something strange started to happen to the people who were bitten by the animals but didn't die; their intelligence grew, their strength multiplied, they moved without making a sound or leaving tracks and they learned how to work together." He glanced at Jack. "Live together, die alone, right Jack?"

He was staring at Hanso with horror. "That's what happened?"

"Yes. Then it began to spread. But there were too many, we were too crowded, and so," he drew his finger across his throat, shrugging lightly. "Survival of the fittest. Some of us banded together and started to rebuild what had been destroyed; the tesseract was soon back under control, but as I said before, one glitch was irreparable." He inclined his head a little. "The button."

Jack nodded. "Every so often. Right. Every one hundred and eight minutes."

Hanso nodded. "That's right, Jack."

Jack sighed and glanced around them, automatically looking for Ana before he remembered with a pang that he had left her behind. "How far is it?"

Hanso smiled as they rounded a small stand of trees and even Jack had to gasp; it was a full-fledged complex of white-and- glass, art-deco buildings straight out of a futuristic movie, and unlike the other Dharma buildings, this one was well kept, with perfectly manicured lawns and walkways...and people. A half-dozen men and women in lab coats scurried here and there, but Jack could see that under their coats they all wore the same ragged clothing as Hanso. He noticed Jack's perplexed look. "We had plenty of coats but not many spare clothes."

"Why didn't you just go back and get more? If you can control the tesseract."

Hanso shrugged. "I guess none of us really care." He spread his arms wide, encompassing the complex and the Island. "Clothes, money, television, cars...all of that belongs to a different world. It doesn't matter here. The only thing you gotta worry about here is _living_." He winked at him slyly. "And dying."

-----

Sara woke with a start in the dark, vaguely disoriented as she searched the blackness trying to remember where she was. It came to her with a snap as her hand fell on something warm and furry and smelly and she lifted her head to see Vincent's tongue lolling out at her in the dim glow from the hallway. "Who said you could get up here? There are three other beds you could sleep on."

He woofed nonchalantly and jumped over her with a spring and landed on the floor, panting softly as his stomach growled loudly. "Yeah, I'm hungry too. I wonder what time it is?" She laughed to herself as she said it, who cared what time it was? There was no dinner date to make, no appointment to keep, hell, not even a TV show to watch; time meant absolutely nothing and it was a novel sensation to not have to _be_ somewhere, to be able to sit on the edge of that bed for the rest of her life and not be responsible for anything. It was a good feeling, too good, and Sara stood, strecthing her still-sore muscles painfully and noticing that someone had taken off her shoes and lined them up next to her bed, and sometime while she was sleeping Kate had laid her out a fresh towel and some of her own clean-ish clothes.

She padded to the light switch and flicked it on, letting her eyes adjust to the briefly blinding light, then she opened the bathroom door and turned on the shower. It took a few minutes for the water to heat up and she undressed slowly, stretching out her muscles and creaking tendons as she did, then as steam filled the room she climbed in, relishing the feel of the hot water on her aching body.

After the hot water ran out she towelled off quickly and slid into Kate's clothes; she had given her a pair of jeans and her blue tank top and they fit, a little snug, but at least they weren't filthy. Her love for Kate grew as she reached into the pocket of the jeans and pulled out a scrunchy; sighing with relief she pulled her hair back and off of her neck. She was a little reluctant to go downstairs; she didn't want to really intrude on them when they were so happy, but as she hesitated at the door Kate's laugh rang out through the hall followed by Sawyer's and just the sound of it made her grin, too, and she stepped out into the gray twilight-filled corridor.

As she came to the bottom of the stairs she saw them, sitting at a little table with a big pile of cut-up fruit in front of them, and as Sawyer held out a piece of peach to her she ate it, then her eyes opened in surprise and she laughed, holding up a piece of orange for him. He closed his eyes and said, "Turkey and stuffing," and Kate took a bite, her eyes flying open again.

"It tastes just like it!" She noticed Sara standing reluctantly at the foot of the stairs and she motioned to her. "Come and eat! James has discovered a _fantastic_ new talent." She took another bite of the peach but Sawyer wasn't paying attention and she grimaced as she tasted peach instead of the turkey she was expecting. "What are you-" she glanced at him and almost laughed; he was staring at Sara wearing Kate's clothes and he seemed unsure, as if he was in a dream or something. "What's wrong? Don't you like her outfit?"

He didn't, as a matter of fact. It was disorienting, disturbing to see someone else wearing clothes that he had come to associate so closely with Kate, it was like she had slipped her skin off and given it to someone else to wear. He didn't say that, though, he just shrugged and went back to helping Kate eat the fruit. He held out a piece to Sara, smiling, and he said, "Open your mind, Sara. Now, what is your favorite food?" he glanced at Kate, grinning. "She won't appreciate this as much, Freckles. She's only been here a day. We ain't had real food in two months."

Kate looked away, biting her lip and grinning. "Actually...while you were off rafting Hurley gave out all of the food in the hatch. And there was a lot. So, I had some chips, some freeze dried chicken and rice, and Claire gave me some peanut butter." She looked angelic as she remembered, and Sawyer laughed at her almost salivating mouth. "And chocolate." She groaned in ecstasy at the idea of it.

Sawyer reached behind him and pulled up his pack; unzipping a hidden pocket he pulled out a somewhat wrinkled and worse-for-wear package and handed it to Kate. "Apollo bar."

She gazed up at him with love and amazement as she held the wrinkled cellophane pack to her chest. "I can't believe you still have this."

He shrugged, delighted in the smiled he had put on her face. "Chocolate ain't my thing." He grinned slyly. "I was actually savin' it to use as a bribe, but since I don't have to bribe you anymore..." his words trailed off as he remembered their first kiss, the one he had let himself be tortured for, and how soft and trembling her lips had been when he touched them for the first time, how she had been so reluctant, and then as the chemistry between them heated to a boil she kissed him again, and again, and again.

Kate grinned back. "Right." Her voice and her smile softened. "Thanks."

Grinning madly he said, "So, Sara, what is your favorite food? Nothing too fancy please. I'm just a poor old country boy."

She smiled as she sat down next to Kate. "Okay, easy. Ummm, spaghetti and meatballs."

Sawyer chuckled. "That's really easy. Okay, close your eyes and think about spaghetti and meatballs." She closed her eyes and he closed his. "Now, take a bite."

It really _did_ taste like it, and her eyes flew open in amazement as Kate laughed. "Wow."

He grinned and Kate leaned over and kissed him as she picked up another slice. "Pepperoni pizza."

"Grilled Cheese."

"Mashed potatoes and butter."

"French fries. With ketchup."

"Barbecue ribs and slaw."

They kept it up, laughing and joking together until almost all of the fruit was gone and they felt full; sated. Vincent woofed as Sawyer held up the last peach. "I'm not doing that. Gross." Vincent woofed again, eyeing the peach with eagerness and Sawyer shook his head. "I don't even know what that tastes like!"

Kate and Sara were laughing at them, and Kate said, "What does he want?"

Sawyer rolled his haed at them, frowning. "Roadkill. Do you believe it?" Vincent chuffed and Sawyer gave him a look of disgust, making the women giggle harder. "What makes you think I would know what dead possum tastes like? What? Because I'm from Tenneessee? What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Vincent was laughing along with Kate and Sara, his tongue lolling out at Sawyer's half-angry glare, then he gave up the act and started laughing too, rubbing Vincent's ears as he said, "How about steak? I know what that tastes like." He closed his eyes and tossed the peach to Vincent, who swallowed it down with a gulp. "You didn't even chew it, dog. Why the hell did it matter what it tasted like?"

Kate was laughing and happy as she watched the two of them bicker and her hand unconciously went to her stomach as she gazed at Sawyer; he noticed her hand and smiled, reaching out and covering it with his own.

Sara smiled at the two of them; they radiated light and warmth and love and she was almost _glad_ that she had crashed here, with them, so that she could see what real beauty was, for beautiful was what they were. She sensed a sadness in them, especially Kate, though the sorrow only made the joy they expressed now all the sweeter and she hoped that they could keep the laughter and love of this day with them, whatever happened. "Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy," she murmured to herself, and Kate glanced up at her, her smile fading a little.

"What?"

Sara smiled; she hadn't even meant to say it out loud, really, it just slipped out and she reddened a little as she said, "Anne Frank. We're reading it it my class now. She said, 'Think of all the beauty left around you and be happy'." She paused, then grinned at Kate sheepishly. "I was just thinking of how happy you look, the three of you, and it slipped out."

Kate eyes her curiously. "Three?" He eyes darted to Sawyer's and he looked away. "You told her?"

Sara said quickly, "No, no. I asked him. I could just tell...woman's intuition, I guess." She smiled and placed her hand on Kate's. "Congratulations."

Kate's frown faded and she smiled back, a little chagrined, and as she looked down at Sara's hand on hers tears welled up in her eyes. "Thanks," she croaked happily, as the tears splashed down her nose and Sara couldn't help it, she started crying too, and they both looked at Sawyer, who was gazing at them with an expression of horror mixed with indecision; he was tensed on the edge of his chair like he was going to run if one of them tried to make him cry too. Kate burst into an alarming mix of laughter and sobs as she saw the look on his face and Sara started laughing too; this time he stood and actually started for the door in a semi-panic before Kate called him back, getting a grip on herself and calming her tears and giggles. "Come back, James. We'll stop, I promise."

Sara snorted and nodded at him. "Come on, Sawyer. We're done." They were both red eyed and flushed and as he looked at Kate, so happy- and not entirely because of him- he loved her even more. She needed him but she didn't; she could make it on her own without him and it hurt him to think that she would have to. What kind of life would she have on the run, alone, with a baby? She could do it, he was sure; she could do anything she damn well put her mind to. But how much would she suffer? Maybe that is _her_ sacrifice, a voice whispered in his ear. He pushed the thought aside for now; he didn't want to ruin what they were having now, he didn't want to see her smile fade and her eyes darken. He rejoined them at the table, acting reluctant, but he had to hold himself back from running back to her like an eager puppy. sara glanced at Kate as he sat back down. "Why do you call him James?"

Kate said, giggling, "Because he doesn't like Bunny."

Sawyer rolled his eyes at her, and said, "My real name is James. Sawyer is just a nickname."

"Interesting nickname. Are you a lumberjack?"

Sawyer laughed. "Believe it or not, you are the second person on this Island to ask me that." He winked at her, slyly. "Jack asked first."

She sighed and said, "Figures. Jack always comes first." She nodded at them sagely. "_Trust_ me, I know."

Kate snorted and dissolved into laughter again, leaning on Sawyer as she shook; he laughed too, smiling at Sara. "I'll bet you do." Their was a breathlass silence as they all caught their breath and Kate burst into giggles again as Sawyer sighed, rolling his eyes. Hiccuping would be next. "I never noticed but a lot of people ask me if I'm a lumberjack." He winked at Kate. "Must be this awesome body; looks like I wrestle giant trees all day, right?"

Kate rolled her eyes and giggled again, and Sara just smiled. "Sawyer means someone who saws logs."

"Well, that would be him, because he snores like a buzzsaw." He threw her an offended look and she smirked back before hiccupping and bursting into laughter again.

He smiled at Sara and cocked his head towards Kate, who was hiccupping again. "Thirty minutes of this, I swear." He turned his gaze to Kate and said, "Drink some water, woman, please."

She smiled and retorted, "If they bother you so much, why don't you just-HIC!- heal them?" She dissolved into laughs again, laying her head down on the table.

He nodded. "I think I will." With an evil grin directed at Sara, he rubbed his thumb and forefinger together until they started shooting sparks, then he reached out and poked Kate in the side, sending a sharp shock into her as he did it; she jumped, yelping, and glared at him, giggles and hiccups gone.

"What the hell was that?" She rubbed her side, giving him an evil stare.

He shrugged and tried to smile innocently, failing miserably as he chuckled, "Scarin' away your hiccups."

She leaned in close and said, "Boo would have worked, you ass. That hurt."

He leaned his head against hers and whispered, "I'm sorry."

They kept their heads together for another second, then Kate glanced up at the sky above them; it had become dark while they sat but they hadn't cared; the starlight and the glow from the computers gave them enough illumination, and just like sleeping in the bedroom, the unnatural light just felt wrong, out of place, and they preferred the semi-dark to glaring, harsh shine from the flourescent bulbs that lined the walls. It was late; the moon was high over head and beginning its descent; they had been having such a good time they hadn't realized how deep into the night it was getting.

Kate stretched and kissed Sawyer on the cheek as he wrapped his arm around her waist and said, "You can sleep down here, Sara. James will pull you down a mattress if you want." He nodded from his chair, his arm still around Kate's waist and his head pressed against her stomach.

She looked at the two of them, wrapped up together and the look of desire that flared in Kate's eyes as Sawyer kissed her stomach, lightly; she shook her head. "No, thanks, I prefer a real bedroom. This is still a little...open for me."

Kate laughed softly, her hands gently stroking Sawyer's hair. "You'll get used to it." Her eyes lifted to Sara's and she grinned. "I'm glad you're here, Sara. I haven't had that much fun in a long time." Sawyer squeezed her waist.

"Thanks, Kate," she said softly. She tenatively held her hand out and touched Kate's stomach, smiling. "Have you thought of any names?"

She could still hear Kate laughing as she and Vincent climbed the stairs, feeling as happy and safe as she could possibly feel as she leaned down and patted the dog between the ears.


	100. Chapter 100

**Chapter 100**  
They walked up the well-manicured pathway, past polished bronze statues of angels and demons and spouting fountains as Jack said, "Who are these people?"

A cherubic fountain next to Hanso spurted water and he jumped aside as it sprayed a little. "Some of them are what was left of my original Foundation staff. We lost quite a few during the...incident." He nodded to a woman with her ratty hair tied up in a ragged scarf. "She was on a plane that came in. Physicist. Good woman. We brought her in and made her one of us."

"Made her one of you?"

"Yes." He hesitated. "See, the animals were injectd with a bacteria as well as the drugs; the bacteria was supposed to aid in the dispersion of the drug through their system, make it take effect faster. Unfortunately, we were not aware of the fact that once introduced into the bloodstream, the bacteria mutated, changing the drug's properties with it." He paused, and they stopped walking, stopping next to a polished iron statue of a giant black horse. "When the animals attacked, that mutated, drug- carrying bacteria was spread among some of us humans, too."

Jack gave him a hard look, "_Us_ humans?"

He laughed. "I wasn't one of them Jack. They are all dead. After the war they began to change, like I said before, but within weeks the first one died." he frowned. "My assistant. He was bitten by a wolf and suddenly he was stronger, faster, stealthy...anyway, the bacteria multiplied as it mutated and eventually he just...burst." Smiling grimly at Jack's horrified stare he shrugged. "He wasn't the only one."

The image of a man swelling until he burst from teeming millions of microscopic creatures kept popping into Jack's head and he shivered a little in the late afternoon sun. "Is that how it spread?"

Hanso shook his head, grinning. "No, and that will come later. I can show you." He inclined his head at the building and they started walking again.

Jack was running a question over in his mind; ever since he had seen the other people scurrying around it had been nagging at the back of his head. "Why are all of the hatches abandoned?"

Alvar glanced over at him, smiling. "Well, not all of them are, now are they Jack?" He nodded, "The other hatches are automated enough that we only have to check them occasionally. We have somewhat of a manpower shortage at times."

Jack shrugged. "Why don't you just call more people down?"

Hanso stopped and looked at Jack. "Because we are picky. And we have certain needs, people with science backgrounds, physics, magnetics, chemistry, anatomy." He smiled. "Physiology."

Jack shrugged. "So why not take me?"

"In case you hadn't noticed, Jack, you're here." He chuckled and kept walking, up to the gleaming glass doors and he pulled a card out of his ragged pocket and swiped it through an automated lock; the door hissed and slid open and the three of them passed through; the door hissed shut behind them as Jack stared, gaping, at the room they were in.

It was like a glass cathedral; Polished steel and gleaming glass panes rose four stories high and met in the center like a steeple; before them was a waiting room of sorts, with a chrome desk and gleaming chrome-and-white furniture. A young girl sat behind the towering chromedesk; behind her was a steel door and as they watched a scruffy man in a white coat stopped, spoke to her, and she pushed something behind her desk and the door slid open with a soft hiss, the man passed through and the steel door snapped shut with a clang.

Locke walked up to the girl. "Hello, Alex."

She smiled at him. "Hello, Mr. Locke. Glad to see you found us." She glanced at Jack, who was still staring around him in shock. "Hello, Jack."

He glanced at her sharply, his amazement at the room forgotten."How did you know my name?"

She giggled and reached behind her, handing both him and Locke a white coat. He opened his up and shook it out, noticing that his name was sewn onto the breast pocket. "It's on your coat."

Hanso nodded at them both. "Put those on, and we'll go take a look around."

Jack slid his on, a little unnerved at how it felt to be putting on a doctor's coat again; his life in the real world was so distant, so different from his life now, that it was like slipping on something that didn't quite fit, tight and uncomfortable, but vaguely familiar.

Ana slipped up on him, invading his mind, and he felt a pang of regeret at deserting her in the middle of the jungle but he pushed it aside; he didn't need her distracting him, he had enough to deal with. Maybe after everything was over, maybe then he could go back to her, tell her how sorry he was, that he loved her; as he thought it his conviction wavered a little and he entertained for a brief scond ripping off the coat and running back through the jungle to her but he shook his head, clearing his mind of her. He had to concentrate on the task at hand.

Locke had put his coat on too and as he straightened it around his shoulders he said, "How is your Mom, Alex?"

Alex giggled and shrugged. "She's okay. She doesn't come here much, she doesn't like it."

Hanso smiled. "No, she certainly doesn't." He nodded to her and she pushed the something behind the desk and the door slid open. Jack stepped up to the door, looking down the hallway that stretched out before him; it was gleaming and aniseptic and it looked like any hospital corridor in America, and he stepped through the door, followed by Locke and Hanso and it clanged shut behind them.

-----

It was almost dark and Ana still hadn't moved from the same spot; she was sitting cross-legged on the ground, her head bowed as she tried to figure out what to do. She wasn't sure what Jack meant by her being his sacrifice; it scared her a little because she knew he would do whatever he had to, no matter who he hurt. He had already made that pretty clear.

She didn't want to go back to camp; everyone there hated her, and besides, it was boring. She didn't want to go after Jack and she _couldn't_ go to Kate and Sawyer. So what was there to do?

The indecision was killing her, it wasn't a problem she normally had; she would make a decision, stick with it, and deal with the consquences; this was different, she loved Jack, though she couldn't define exactly why. Some of the things that she had fallen in love with, his goodness, his caring, the things that she wanted to have in herself, now they were gone, and it was her fault. She had led him into the Island's grasp because she wanted to change that part of him that she hated; the part that made him push the people he loved and who loved him aside so he could fix other people's problems, that _drive_. But it had gone wrong, somehow, and the other things, the ones she wanted, had changed too, now he was a stranger to even her.

She ran the events of the past weeks through her mind, over and over, trying to see the point where it had turned on her, where he had gone off track, and the only thing she could come up with was Sara. Since Sara had come he had changed; the link to his old life was a powerful draw and not even the magnetic forces on the Island could keep the old him from coming out, it was inevitable. But New Jack wanted to stay too, and she could see the battle raging inside him as he left her behind.

First Kate, now Sara. Ana wanted to kill them both, and as she remembered squeezing the trigger and putting a bullet in herself to save Jack she hated them more. He loved her, and he had left her, alone, because of Sara, because of the pull she had on him, even if she didn't notice she had it.

Hunger, stress, love, exhaustion and pain collapsed on Ana and she crumbled beneath the weight of it all; her mind snapped and she stood, eyes blazing crazily, pulling out her gun and checking the clip before flicking off the safety.

She had a purpose.

-----

Kate and Sawyer lay entwined on the mattress, their sweat cooling as they panted together softly; he shifted a little and something crackled beneath him and he grinned as he reached between them, being sure to brush his hand across Kate's belly as he did.

His hand emerged holding a crinkled up cellophane wrapper and Kate giggled, blushing a little as she remembered the use he had found for the Apollo Bar; he kissed her, softly, still tasting the chocolate on her lips and tongue. He sighed and leaned against her shoulder, his arm going over her waist as she sighed in almost-contentment.

She was two sided again; but instead of cold emptiness the other half of her was filled with sweet sadness, and she knew, without a doubt, that she would never be rid of that side of her. She would forever be torn in two and not even the beautiful boy growing inside of her would repair that breach; without Sawyer she could not be Kate, the Kate she was now, without his warm body next to hers, and their son between them, their circle would be broken and lost. Incomplete.

He noticed the sad, faraway look in her eyes; he had seen it before. "You okay, Kate?"

She slid her eyes from the night sky to his and she smiled. "Yeah." Her eyes were shining as she said, "I was just thinking about him." Her hand fluttered around her stomach and Sawyer grinned, sliding down to kiss her belly and whisper into it. His eyes flicked up to Kate as he whispered, and she grinned despite herself. "What are you telling him?"

Sawyer didn't answer, he just shook his head as he kept whispering, and she giggled as his warm breath tickled her. He finally raised his head kissed her belly once more, then he slid back up beside her, grinning madly as she waited for him to tell her. "What?"

"What were you saying to him?" She laughed as he rolled over, pressing her down into the thin bedding.

"That's between me and my kid, Freckles. Maybe he'll tell you one day." He kissed her nose, then rolled off of her, standing and stretching in the starlight; Kate watched him, the confident ease with which he moved, the way the stars reflected from his sweat sheened body and she loved him so much she couldn't fathom it, she couldn't see the depths of it. Her breath became short and ragged and he turned to her, twisting his torso in the dim shine as he said, "Hmmm. You gettin' a good enough look, Sweetheart? Want me to flex and pose, too?"

She rolled her eyes and climbed out of the bed, she yawned and stretched too, giving him a taste of his own medicine. His eyes were on her, she could feel their intense blue gaze and she smiled to herself as his breathing became a little uneven itself. "What's the matter, James? Can't stand the h-" she turned and saw his face and her words cut short. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

He was staring at her, trying to imagine how she would look in a few months; her belly pooching out, then growing larger and rounding, then she was as big as a house, and he imagined her, reclined on a couch, eating and laughing. But that wasn't how it would be; she would be thin and ragged; on the run, tired and laden with heavy burdens that she had to carry alone. _Alone._ He pushed it away and forced a smile. "I was just tryin' to imagine what you'll look like. Fat as a cow."

That wasn't really what he'd been thinking about but she played along. After all, that's what they were best at, wasn't it? Playing games? It used to be with each other, but now it was with themselves, as they tried to forget what was coming, as they lied to each other for their own good. The saddest part was that she knew he was lying and he knew she was, but they just kept plugging along, playing the game as if there would always be a tomorrow, as if they had all the time in the world. She could remember a time, just a day or two ago, when she believed that they did, but those happier times were just a memory and they were fading fast. "A cow? I don't _think_ so. As fat as Vincent maybe."

"Come on, Freckles," he teased, "You'll be borrowin' Jabba's clothes before long."

Her nose wrinkled up in disgust at the idea of her fitting into Hurley's clothes, and she snorted. "Ugh! I love Hurley but I'd have to fifteen months preg-" she stopped short of saying it and her face reddened as she backtracked lamely. "Along. Before I'd fit into his clothes."

Sawyer grinned at her, choosing to ignore her stutter; she would get around to it. "Maybe Claire's got some old clothes left. You two can trade." He eyed her, raking them up and down her naked, starlit body. "But I think Claire's a little smaller than you, so they'd be a tight fit. Not that I mind that."

She rolled her eyes and started dressing. "I could just walk around naked, you know, maybe just cover up with a banana leaf or something."

His eyes lit up and he went to her, pulling her against him and shivering a little as her half-dressed skin rubbed against his. "I'd like to see that, Freckles." He hugged her for a second, then said, "But it's gonna have to be one _big_-ass banana leaf."


	101. Chapter 101

**Chapter 101**  
Ana moved through the jungle at a good pace, not noticing the rivulets of sweat that were running from her forehead and pooling at the base of her throat; she moved with a purpose. She didn't know where Sara was, but she had a good idea of where Kate might be, and she set out that way.

She had come a little unhinged, as if the sudden removal of her happiness had wiped out her center of reasoning and she was just a machine, going on instinct, and her instinct was to destroy whatever stood in between her and what she wanted. In her mind, befuddled by the constant stress of yo-yoing emotions and broken heartstrings and betrayal, Kate and Sara had become the enemy; Sara because of what she represented to Jack, and Kate because...well, because she fucking hated her.

She figured Kate and Sawyer had gone back to the hatch; they couldn't pass a bed by without falling into it, and there were four, so they were probably still there. She had the gun clenched tightly in her hand as she walked and she loved the feel of the grip, though it wasn't cool anymore; it was warm and slick where her hand was sweating around it and she shifted it to the other hand for a while.

Jason was gone; that part of her life was over and done with and she let it go without a glance; Danny who? Captain what? The names and titles meant nothing anymore, she belonged to the Island and Jack, and if she couldn't save one she was damn well going to save the other. If Kate died Sawyer's power died too and Ana grinned madly to herself as the Island whispered to her, urging her on.

-----

The three of them walked slowly down the echoing, antiseptic hallway and Hanso said, "I was experimenting one day in my lab, back in the real world. I was alone, everyone else had gone home but I didn't have anything to go to, so I stayed, fiddling with the settings and such, looking for a wrinkle. I had given up and was looking over some data when an amazing thing happened; a groaning, clanking roar came out of the magnet chamber, and when I glanced in to see what was making the racket I was frozen, it was a huge black cloud, rolling and groaning. I went in and looked into it and I was...enthralled by it, so I stuck my hand out," he mimicked the action, his eyes faraway as he continued, "and it _disappeared_. I took it back, quickly, afraid that it was gone, or worse, but it was fine, no worse for wear. So I got braver, and I stuck my whole arm in. Fine. Taking a deep breath, I stepped through the cloud and I came here. The Island. I explored a little, but I was afraid to go too far, in case it disappeared and I was stuck here; after a minute of looking around I climbed back in and arrived back at my lab."

Jack stared at him, eyeing him carefully. "It didn't damage you?"

Hanso shook his head. "Not the first time. It's painful, though. It feels like you're being squeezed through a very narrow tube sometimes, and other times like you're being flattened and slid under a door. But it always hurts."

Shrugging, Jack said, "It didn't hurt when the plane was taken. At least, not then."

"Of course not. You were _inside_ the plane, right? Kind of a protective shell." He waved away the question. "Anyway, when my assistant came back the next day I told him about it and we tried to recreate the conditions exactly, and we succeeded, opening the portal again and this time we both went, but only he went back. I stayed to explore. There were already some people here, but they were few and far between; the tesseract was very random and it only took a few people a year, and those were accidental." He paused as they came to a pair of swinging double doors. "I charted and tested the whole Island over the course of time and came to realize with the magnetic forces already here, I could build a replica of the chamber at my home lab and learn to control the tesseract enough so that we could explore other worlds and realities. On my twenty-third birthday I came into a good deal of money and I set out to make my dream my reality." He rested his hand on the swinging door and pushed it open. "Welcome to my dream."

-----

Sara came down the stairs early, Vincent padding next to her, and noting that Kate and Sawyer were still asleep, she tiptoed to the computer Ana had been playing with the day they saw the Oceanic crash. She wanted to see hers; she was sure it was going to be horrible, but it was something she needed to do. She tapped around with the buttons and the sceen blazed on with the long list of green lettering and she scrolled up until she came to the last one. "Oceanic Private Flight 16." She held her breath then tapped execute.

The screen went blank and she gasped as it came back on, her tiny plane puttering across they sky; suddenly a long tendril of smoke reached up from the bottom of the picture and wrapped itself around the fuselage of the plane, drawing it in until it was covered in the cloud, then with a _snap_ it vanished, leaving a blank gray screen before it flashed back to the green screen.

"Was that your plane?"She jumped at Kate's voice behind her; she'd been so engrossed in the video that she hadn't heard her come up. She turned and Kate was behind her, her arms crossed as she gazed at the screen with a mixture of horror and pity.

"Yeah. I wanted to see it." A tear leaked from her eye and she wiped it away, hastily.

Kate glanced back at the sleeping Sawyer and she nodded at the computer. "Is ours on there?"

Sara hesitated, then nodded. "Yes." She scrolled down a few lines then stopped on the Oceanic 815 line, glancing at Kate before she hit execute.

The same grainy video popped up and Kate stared in horror as the three tendrils ripped the plane in pieces and vanished with it as people and baggage tumbled through the sky. The screen flashed back and Kate sighed shakily. "Shit."

Sara laughed. "Gives you a little different perspective on things, right?"

"Yeah." She smiled at Sara, tearing her eyes away from the screen. "Did you sleep good? Vincent is some protector." He glanced up at her with raised eyebrows, his tongue lolling out.

Sara grinned. "Uh huh. But it's his smell that keeps 'em away." She laughed as he rolled his eyes and stomped away towards the hatch door; Kate glanced at Sawyer as he beagn to stir and stretch.

Sighing, Kate grinned at Sara ruefully. "Hope you're ready for a hike." She went to Sawyer, kneeling on the mattress next to him as he groggily cracked his eyes; seeing her leaning over him he grabbed and pulled her down on top of him, kissing her as she turned her head away in disgust. "Ew, James. Morning breath." He held her and kissed her anyway and she didn't fight it.

Grinning lazily at her as he released her lips he said, "Yours ain't a basket of peaches either, sweetheart." He sat up, groaning a little and pulling the cellophane wrapper from his arm, beaming at Kate as he tossed it aside. The sun wasn't high, but it was bright and he rubbed his eyes as he stood, stretching a little more than necessary when he caught Kate watching him with a sly little half-smile. "Anyone seen Vincent?"

At his name he came trotting in, followed by a happily hooting Kotori. Sawyer sat in one of the chairs that ringed the table and Kotori dropped into his hand, chittering and hooting for a few seconds before Sawyer nodded and patted the little owl on the head, handing him to Kate. She played with him for a few seconds then he hopped from her to Sara, hooting and blinking his big blue eyes at her. "Hey, little guy," she said, and he hopped up to her shoulder and settled down, clamping his claws into the fabric of her top.

Kate laughed at Sara's little grimace as she looked down at Sawyer. "What's up?"

He yawned and ran his hands through his hair. "I guess Butch and Jackass had a fallin' out, 'cause him, Locke, and our scruffy-lookin' friend have arrived at the Foundation, and she ain't with 'em."

Kate was a little alarmed; she hated Ana, but she couldn't imagine Jack letting her wander off alone in the jungle. What had happened? "Where is she?"

Sawyer shrugged. "Hootie doesn't know. None of them have seen her." He cocked his head at the concerned look on Kate's face. "You worried about her?"

She raised her eyebrows. "Aren't you?"

He held her gaze for a second then nodded, smiling. "Yeah. A little."

He seemed a little embarassed and Kate decided not to help him. She shook her head, grinning. "Bunny."

He jumped up from the chair, grabbing her around the waist and burying his face in her neck, growling, "I told you not to call me that in front of anyone else." She shivered as his lips brushed her neck and she pulled away, smiling as his hand cupped her belly for a second.

"So, what do we do, James?"

He reached for his shirt, slipping it on and buttoning it, except for the last two, which had been ripped off; he grinned to himself at the memory as he slipped his shoes on then stood, picking up his pack and Kate's. "Well, I guess we're going to the Foundation."

"What about Ana?"

He hesitated, glancing up at the sky. "She'll be fine. She's not our responsibility."

"You saved her last time."

"Yeah, but I knew where she was, and that she was in trouble. This is a little different." He took Kate's hand. "We have our purpose, Kate, and it's time to get to it. Okay?" He let her hand go and kissed her, then motioned towards the stairs. "Ladies first."

She sighed and nodded, and Sara wrapped her arm around Kate's shoulder as they passed by him, headed back out into the jungle.


	102. Chapter 102

**Chapter 102**  
The swinging doors opened up into a large courtyard, with trees and a flock of red and blue birds and a little splashing waterfall; there were a few benches scattered around and the path before them split, leading to five doors spaced along the courtyard wall. Hanso pointed to the first one on their left. "Each of these doors is a laboratory or other research room. There is time/space, magnetics, medical, and mathematical & numerology studies." His hand moved to each one in turn, though it slid past the middle door.

Jack smirked. "That's only four."

Hanso smiled. "Well, Jacky can count. Good for you." He pointed to the middle door; it was raised higher than the courtyard and a steel door with no knob or handle sealed it off. "That's the Tesseration Chamber."

Locke glanced up at him. "Tesseration Chamber?"

Jack gave Locke a strange look. "I thought you'd seen this before, John."

John was looking strangely at Hanso. "I have seen it. But he didn't tell me what it was."

"Discretion, John." Hanso chuckled, and led them to the first door on the left. A small bronze tag on the door said 'Time/space', he whipped his card through the automatic lock and it popped open with a soft hiss. He held his arm out to stop Jack from going in. "This is a dangerous area, boys. Don't touch anything." He removed his arm and Jack and Locke slipped inside the open door.

They were standing in the middle of the universe; all around them it was blackness, and as Hanso closed the door behind him a billion stars popped up out of the darkness, next to their heads, hands, under their feet, and Jack reached out to touch one, forgetting Hanso's warning. He couldn't touch it but it came closer, as if the whole universe magnified around them to just that one star. As it grew Jack could see the planets that surrounded it, the asteroid belt than ran between the third and fourth planet, the comets that were held in the confines of the galaxy. He studied the third planet; it looked like Earth but there were subtle differences, like Alaska was on the wrong side of North America and Hawaii was gone, and Austrailia was upside down.

Hanso nodded. "An alternate Earth. They exist, you know. There are alternate realities for every planet in the universe, though they are all contained _in_ the universe. Strange, isn't it," he said, softly, his eyes gelaming with the reflected planets, "that there is infinite space that can hold infinite planets and their infinite alternates?" He leaned close to Jack. "There is another you, too Jack. Everyone has another them. But if you went to that planet, right now, there would be no you. Do you know why?

He had the idea that he might, but he shook his head anyway. "No."

Hanso grinned, looking a little crazy in the bounds of infinite space and time. "Because you are _here_. Every one of your others is here, now, in you. They all think that it is _them_ who is living here, on this island, becuase that is their reality. Do you understand?"

Not really. "I think so." He gestured around, waving his hand past the alternate Earth, and it zoomed back out as the universe expanded around them. "What is the point of this?"

Hanso searched the stars until he found a certain one, on the other side of the universe from Jack. "This is _Camelopardalis_, the giraffe." he reached for the star and it zoomed in to its solar system. He scanned the seven or eight planets that ringed the sun and he finally pointed to a small, blue planet covered with clouds. Jack held his breath at the beauty of what he was seeing; the little planet swirled and shifted colors as the blue faded to gray then resurged to a bright blue again. "We located a wrinkle to this planet, and we sent someone there." He pulled on the planet and it swam closer until Jack could see details beneath the swirling clouds; a vast, neverending ocean, dotted with tiny hazy blue islands, and as it came closer he could even make out the waves crashing onto the blue sand shores. As he watched, a lone man , wrapped in furs and skins crept out of the sand and crawled to the water, dipping a bottle of some kind in it before scurrying back into the sand like a crab.

"Was that him?" Jack was a little horrified, but he kept staring at the planet in fascination.

Hanso shook his head. "No. That is a native." He grinned at Jack insanely. "That ate him." He pushed the planet away and the universe slid back into focus. "We have this so that we can track the people we send, call them back if necessary." He noticed the look on Jack's face. "It doesn't always work in time. Accidents happen."

Jack glanced at Locke, who had a sickly grim smile on his face. "Yeah. Accidents."

Hanso smiled and led them through the shifting, spinning universe to another door. He swiped his card and they walked into a large, starkly white room, and as Hanso closed the door it became unbearably white and Jack closed his eyes against the glare. There was a noise, an irritating subliminal ticking and as his eyes adjusted it became louder and louder until it stopped suddenly; then the silence was deafening as dead quiet filled the room. "This is the time chamber." His voice was unnaturally loud in the still room and Jack jumped a little. Hanso grinned at him. "Tell me, Jack, is there something in your past that you want to change?"

His mind went immediately to Ana, and he wondered where she was. Had she followed them anyway? Was she out there looking for him? His chest hurt a little at the thought of her and he resisted the urge to run out and grab her. What if she _wasn't_ out there waiting? What if she was hurt? He had left her alone out there. He felt sick as he nodded. "Yes. And I'm going to change it now." He pushed past Locke and Hanso and tried to find the door. It had vanished; there was no exit, no way out. His worry over Ana flooded him; something was wrong. He's been holding her at bay in his mind and now that he let her in she was like a tidal wave, washing all of his anger towards her away and leaving the love and anxiety behind. "Let me out."

Hanso snorted. "Let you out? Where are you going? Back to _her_?" he winked at Locke, who smiled. "She's not out there, Jack."

He froze as cold panic seeped into his gut. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, your girlfriend has gone 'round the bend. Off her rocker." He smirked at Jack, whose heart was pounding so hard he thought his chest would explode from the force. "She's gone to save you."

"How do you know? You've been here."

"A little bird told me." He sighed, staring at Jack. "Fine, you want to change what you did? Here's your chance. But listen, Jack, you have to really, really want it." He walked to one of the blank white walls and slid his hand along it untiul he found a hidden panel and he pushed on it. The walls beside him slid open to reveal a glassed in booth; it looked kind of like a control center. He opened a small glass door and motioned Locke to go in. "When I close these walls I want you to think about what you want to change. Think on it hard, Jack, and _want_ it."

Jack was worried; he wasn't sure. He loved Ana but he wasn't sure if they could ever be happy, really; even here on the Island it would always be something to come between them, though he was sure that it was all him. Ana had given herself over and he was the one resisiting. "What if I'm not sure?"

Hanso looked away, smiling, then looked back at him. "Then it won't work."

-----

Kate and Sara were inseparable for most of the journey down the mountain; Kate was filling her in on what had happened since they crashed, though she left out her...feelings for Jack, and the part about kissing him, though she sensed Sara had an inkling of it anyway. She also skipped over the horse and the boar; those belonged to her and Sawyer and no one else would ever know about them, at least, not from her.

Sara was dumbfounded by what she heard, and she realized, without much surprisse, that they were never going to get off of this Island and she agreed with their mission wholeheartedly as Kate told her about Eko and John. "My God, what _is_ this place?"

Kate linked her arm with Sara's. "Who knows?" Her other hand went to her belly and she smiled. "At least one good thing came from it."

Sara sighed and looked away; she leaned close to Kate and whispered, "But how good is it, Kate? Look at what you have to give up."

Kate smiled, hesitantly, and glanced up at Sawyer's back before she whispered, "I'm not giving him up."

Sara squeezed her arm and smiled, then she reached down and touched Kate's stomach too. "How far along do you think you are?"

Kate grinned. "Only a few weeks at most." She scuffed her boots along the rocky path as they walked, sending little stones rolling down the incline, gathering speed before they rolled into something that stopped their progress until they bounced to the side and continued on their way. Kate felt like that, now, like she was speeding down the hill and she couldn't slow down, and she could see the obstacle in front of her and WHAM! she was going to slam into it, and that was okay, because she could bounce away and find another path. She scuffed her boots again and two stones rolled together, bouncing and popping as they went, but they didn't stray from each other, even as they hit the same blockage in their path; they bounced to the side together and continued rolling down the grade. She grinned as she kicked another rock and as it took a funny bounce it hit Sawyer squarely in the seat of his jeans. He turned, giving her a disgusted look as she and Sara both laughed, putting their heads together like schoolgirls.

He smiled to himself as he turned back around, hearing Kate and Sara continue their conversation. He was glad she had found someone else that she could lean on, depend on; even though they had only known Sara for a couple of days he could tell that she was...good. That she loved Kate already and she would be there for her when he...when he couldn't be. Kate giggled behind him and his heart broke again, at the beauty of it, at the beauty of her; he snuck a glance behind him, sure that she wouldn't be looking and he could watch her the way he liked best-well, second best- when she didn't know he was watching, when she was just _Kate_.

But she was looking; her eyes met his as he turned and she smiled, a sly, devilish, angelic smile. Their eyes held for a few seconds, then Sawyer broke the gaze to watch where he was going as he nearly walked into a tree, stepping aside just before his face hit the bark.

Kate and Sara both dissolved into giggles as he tried to regain his composure. "Somethin' funny, ladies?"

"Not as funny as it could have been," Kate said, and she nodded at the offending tree. "Getting attacked from every side now, baby."

"Cute. It's your fault, you know."

He was gazing at her with that intense look, the one that made her knees weak, and he brushed the hair from his eyes, making her stomach lurch; and suddenly it really _did_ lurch and she turned green before Sara hurried her off to the side of the path behind a few scraggly trees.

Sawyer watched them go and started after them, but Vincent stood in front of him, blocking his way and growling softly. He hesitated as he heard retching from behind the trees and he turned away, guilt bubbling in his belly. It was all his fault, and when Kate emerged a few minutes later, pale and shaky, she didn't meet his eyes. Sara smiled at him, comfortingly as she helped Kate back onto the path. "Give me her water, Sawyer."

He jumped, kicking himself. How stupid could he be? He reached into her pack and pulled out her water, then he hesitated before handing it to Sara. "I can...make it bubbly, or cold, or whatever she needs. To settle her stomach."

Kate glared up at him, faintly."I'm _right_ here." She glanced back at Sara, who was still holding her arm in support. "Do I want bubbly or cold?"

Sara grinned and Sawyer chuckled. "How about both, Freckles?" He closed his eyes and handed the bottle to Kate, who opened it and took a long, sweet drink. Her throat felt like sandpaper and her stomach was still rolling but as the cool, carbonated water hit it the rolling quieted and some color returned to her face. "Are you okay, Kate?"

She smiled a little wanly. "I think so. It's passing." She took a deep breath and smiled at Sara, who had taken her own water bottle and was using it to wet a corner of her other shirt; she was still wearing Kate's.

She handed Sawyer the dampened cloth and motioned towards Kate, and he smiled as he gently wiped her sweaty face with it, his fingers caressing her skin as he went, and Sara stood to the side and watched them, smiling. She'd seen the guilty look on Sawyer's face as they came back; when her sister had been pregnant her husband had been the same way; it was a first _real_ look at what the woman they loved was going to have to go through in order to have their child, and she had discovered through her sister that the best way to make them feel better was to make them feel useful, as if they could make up for the women's pain and suffering by helping them to not suffer so much. It was working; his eyes were shining as he kissed Kate gently on the forehead and hugged her tight. "I love you, Freckles."

He was squeezing her hard and her stomach was protesting violently. "I love you too but please stop crushing me SAWYER!." He let her go and jumped back, like he was afraid she was going to puke on him as she hollered and gulped hard; she looked at him with disgust as he came back, looking a little sheepish.

"Sorry." he grinned apologetically. "Reflex."

Kate forgave him instantly as she looked into his blazing, smiling blue eyes. "Had a lot of experience with women tossin' their cookies around you?"

He grinned, flashing his dimples at her. "Well, yeah." One eyebrow raised as she looked at him and he added, hastily, "But not for the same reason. Usually alcohol."

Kate smirked. "Or the company." Payback time. "I felt like throwing up every time I was around you too." She glanced at Sara, who was smiling softly at them. "Sometimes I still do."

He rolled his eyes. "Of course. Well, " he eyed her belly, smiling gently. "I'll gladly take the blame for the last one."

They grinned at each other and she went into his arms, sighing as they enfolded her, keeping her safe and happy. She kissed him, softly, and as they pulled apart he said, "I don't ever wanna hear another crack about morning breath."

She shook her head, half-smiling. "Sometimes I wonder why I love you."

He grinned, taking her hand and pulling her close against him. "Freckles, I wonder the same thing every single day."

-----

She was close to the base of the mountain; she could see the green hills in front of her and she drew up, easing off before she exited the trees. She hadn't seen or heard either one of them and she stood on the edge of the jungle, trying to decide what she should do. Her best guess would be if they had already left the hatch they would be going towards the Foundation and she would be behind them. It was better that way, she knew that they wouldn't move fast and she could catch up easily.

The question was what to do; getting to Kate wouldn't be easy with Sawyer around, so how could she draw him away? She didn't think he's be willing to leave her alone for long, if at all, so it would have to be a powerful decoy.

She had an idea forming and she turned to go back into the jungle, in the direction from which she had come, and he was there.

Frank lenaed casually against a tree, scraping his fingernails as Ana brought her gun up and pointed it at him. "Put your gun away, Cortez. I'm here in peace." He stood up and walked towards her and she cocked the gun. "I'm here to help you."

"Help me?" She was a little skeptical, and he smiled, making her skin crawl.

"Yeah. I mean, I'm helping myself too, but what do you care? As long as you get _what you want_." He jerked his head in the direction of the Foundation. "He's been thinking about you, you know. He wants to come back for you but they won't let him leave until the job is finished." He winked at her. "You know how to finish the job, don't you?"

"Yes." The knowledge that Jack wanted her quelled the murderous, insane urge, but she had to kill anyway; Kate had to die so that she could _live_. "How do we do it?"


	103. Chapter 103

**Chapter 103**  
Jack waited as Hanso fiddled with some things behind the glass panel; the white walls began to slide shut and Jack closed his eyes as the white glare became unbearable again. He thought about Ana, and how he had left her in the woods, alone, just before nightfall. He thought hard, I want to change it, I want to change it. A bright, bright light flared; so intense that it seared his eyeballs through the lids and he winced; the loud subliminal ticking started again, getting louder and faster until it was just one long, pulsing squeal and suddenly it was gone; he was back in the glade with Ana, kissing her and shoving her up against the tree. He was himself; he was in the moment, the Foundation just a faraway place as he whispered against her lips, "I was so scared, Ana. I was so scared I lost you."

She whispered back, telling him about Jason as his hands roamed over her, feeling as much of her as he could; he was the past Jack, but he was the present Jack, too, and he had missed her, the feel of her, and as she finished, ..."I heard you calling me," he kissed her, long and slow, and she pulled back, finally, flushed and shaky and said, "With Sawyer's help, of course."

He was a little shaken himself, both from the kiss and the fact that it didn't change anything. She was still saying the same lines and as he opened his mouth he heard the same words come from his. "I'll bet it killed him to do it. But how did he know?" This was what he needed to change; this was the place. He started to say, Oh, well, it doesn't matter; that was what he wanted to say, but instead he growled, "Sara." He knew what was coming and the present Jack panicked, trying in vain to stop himself from accusing her, from getting angry and ruining it but he couldn't. "You suspected her, didn't you?"

He didn't hear her answer, he was screaming in his own head, I want it! I want it! Please! "...between _us_."

He still had another chance. He could still salvage it. He concentrated with all of his might but deep in his brain he knew it wouldn't work, he knew he didn't want it. Not enough. He wasn't surprised when he said, "You could've told me..." The rest faded away and he was back in the bright light again, his eyes burning and watering as he opened them, glaring at the white walls in front of him. They slid open with a hiss and Hanso and Locke grinned out at him from the glass booth.

He hung his head, dejectedly as they came out, and Hanso clapped his hand kindly on Jack's shoulder. "That's the best way to find out, Jack. Would you rather you'd thrown everything away on her, just to realize that you don't really want her?" He shook his head sadly. "It's better this way."

He opened the door again, taking them back through the universe to the door into the courtyard. "There is another room, there, but it is just a lab, where they track the tesseract. Nothing important." They moved on to the next door, with its small bronze strip that said 'Magnetics' and Hanso pulled out his card, preparing to swipe it. "Any of you have fillings? Metal pins? Plates in your head?" He glanced at John's bald skull and grinned. "No? Okay. This will feel weird at first but you'll get used to it."

The card went through and the door hissed open. Jack and Locke stepped through first, Hanso following them as the door hissed shut again. The first thing Jack noticed was the push-and-pull on his body, like something was trying to mold him into a new shape. It wasn't painful, or even particularly unpleasant, just..._weird_. That was the perfect word. He lifted his foot to take a step and his leg was distorted feeling, like it was rubber being manipulated by an unseen hand and he hesitated before he put it down, sure that it wouldn't hold his weight, but as he stepped on it it was solid again. The same was repeated with his next step, and he smiled uncertainly at Hanso, who was laughing at them both. Jack chuckled a little, despite his despair over losing Ana _again_; he still wanted to go to her but he knew that they would never let it happen, and he didn't want it enough to make it happen. "It's like the world's worst case of sea legs," he said.

Hanso laughed and Jack looked around for the first time; giant shining towers lined the circular room and there was a deep, gentle thrumming beneath him. "These are the magnets," Hanso said, motioning to the gleaming towers. "There's a tunnel that goes beneath the Tesseration chamber to a room just like this, only with polarized magnets, to create the draw that rips open the fabric of space inside the chamber. This is where we control it, call it when we need it to travel or rescue others."

Locke rubbed his head. "Is this connected to the hatches? To call the planes and ships?"

Hanso nodded. "Yes. And it's connected to _your_ hatch. Every 108 minutes these magnets shut off, just for a brief, brief split second, resetting its hold on the tesseract." As he spoke the thrumming skipped and he smiled. "Reset."

The rubberizing of his body was starting to hurt a little and he noticed Locke seemed a little uncomfortable too; he scooted closer to the exit. "Can we get out of here?" The thrumming was giving him a headache.

The door opened and Hanso ushered them out into the sunny courtyard. The birds were chirping happily and a few of them flew off, circling up into the sky before flying in different directions. Jack looked up at the middle, raised door and sighed in relief as the rubbery, disjointed feeling left his limbs. He didn't like that at all. "Are we going in there?"

Hanso grinned. "Do you want to?" Jack didn't respond and he cocked his head a little. "First things first. You can't tesser unless you are ready." He pointed to the door directly across the courtyard. "And that brings us to the Medical Lab."

-----

The girls were still chatting behind him, talking about pregnancy, though Kate still found ways to get around saying the word; she used coy, un-Kate-like euphemisms like, 'in a condition' and 'indisposed' and he swore he even heard her use 'in a family way' though he, thankfully, wasn't sure. He could only hear snatches, and it wasn't that the subject was uninteresting so much as it was disgusting; words like 'hemrrhoid' and 'discharge' kept reaching his unwilling ears and when Sara said 'mucus membrane' he drew the line. "Do you guys think you can talk about something else, please?"

Vincent was trotting next to them, listening with horrified fascination, and he looked at Sawyer with disgust and shock in his eyes as he _nodded_ in agreement. At least, it looked like he was nodding. Kate had been puking in the bushes an hour ago and now she was discussing the most horrid, revolting things without batting an eye. He didn't get women. She rolled her eyes at him, making Sara laugh; it was like they had their own little girl's club and no boys were allowed. Except Vincent. He felt a little left out. "James, what we are talking about is just nature."

"It's just repulsive, Freckles! Mucus membrane? Afterbirth?" He shuddered as they both laughed, and Vincent even woofed at him a little, though he still seemed a little dazed by their conversation. "What do you look so shocked for? Aren't you a freakin' angel? Haven't you seen this stuff before?"

Sara looked at him curiously and he grinned at his slip. "An angel? I'm assuming you mean that figuratively." He gave her a sort of blank look and she sighed. "Adverb. Figurative:represented by a figure. As in you don't mean it literally."

Kate was grinning at him, trying to stifle her glee at his discomfort at getting an impromptu English lesson. "I know what it means. I do _read_ you know." He was beginning to feel like the only boy at his older sister's slumber party; out of place and picked on. Girl's Club.

Kate nodded. "Yeah, I'll give you that. He does read a lot." She grinned wickedly. "But not since he lost his fabulous glasses." She turned to Sara, whispering in a confidential tone. "They were one-of-a-kind, I tell you," and she burst into giggles. "Steam rolled Harry Potter."

Her laugh was infectious and he had to join in; the glasses _were_ horrible, but now that they were gone, blown up with the raft, he kind of missed them. "Good old Jabba." He glanced at Sara, then Vincent. "No, I didn't mean it figuratively." He gave her a meaningful stare.

Sara nodded, slowly. She wasn't surprised, really, nothing was very surprising anymore. "I saw them," she said, "when you rescued me from the plane. They were singing over your shoulder."

Vincent woofed and Sawyer nodded, smiling at Sara. "Yeah. Fido's buddies, keepin' an eye on _you_. Not me." He shifted his gaze to Kate, holding her eyes. "I got my own guardian angel."

-----

Ana still held the gun on Frank. "How do we do it?"

He sauntered closer, leering at her as he sucked his mossy teeth with his tongue. "He has to be gone. He'll heal her and kill us, so we have to distract him somehow."

Ana shook her head. "He'll never leave her alone. I already thought of that."

He grinned and her spine tingled unpleasantly. "Oh, but they're not alone," he said. "The other woman is with them." He smirked at her surprise. "You thought it was Us, didn't you? I gotta admit, that was a pretty smooth trick he played."

Sara was with them. And she _had_ betrayed Jack again, causing this split, this nightmare. Her murderous rage surged again, against _all_ of them; her heart turned to steel and her eyes glinted as she said, "I have an idea."


	104. Chapter 104

**Chapter 104**  
They stopped for a break in the afternoon; Sawyer was still concerned about Kate after her morning episode and he hovered over her as they rested, asking her if she wanted water, or shade, or a fan, basically bugging the crap out of her until she finally said, "James! I'm fine. Please just sit with me and relax."

He did, leaning against a tree trunk while Kate laid back with her head in his lap, she felt so safe and comfortable in his arms, as long as any part of him was touching her; as he stroked her hair the insects buzzed around them and the birds sang and Kate felt herself drifting off to the soft caress of his fingers and the soporific sunlight.

When she was softly snoring he glanced at Sara, who was sitting with Vincent, scratching his ears absently as she stared into the distance. She could feel Sawyer's eyes on her and she turned to him as Vincent looked up. "You okay?"

He nodded and smiled at her, flashing his dimples. "Thank you, Sara."

She smiled, ducking her head a little. "Thanks for what?"

He inclined his head at Kate, whose mouth was slightly open as she dozed. "For being there for her."

Sara grinned, her head still lowered. "It's okay. I...I love her." She looked a little embarrassed and kept her eyes averted from Sawyer, who had turned his eyes to Kate.

"Yeah," he said softly, "I do too." He smiled at her embarrassment. "She loves you too, Sara. You two are supposed to be together. That's why I brought you here."

She glanced up at him with some shock. "What?"

It was Sawyer's turn to be embarrassed and he wasn't used to the sensation; his cheeks blazed red and he mumbled, "I called you here." He looked up at her, fear in his eyes. "Don't be mad, I didn't know who you were, I just wished for...something and you came. But now I see that I was supposed to call you, for a different reason. You're here for Kate. She's going to need you."

Sara considered it for a moment. She was a little angry, but she knew he hadn't done it on purpose, not really. He had wished and she had come, like the answer to his prayer. And she was almost glad that she came; after only knowing Kate and Sawyer for a couple of days she felt like she had known them forever. And she loved them both, their joy, their sadness, their love itself; she was drawn to them, to the light inside. They were like the cool kids and she was the geek that followed them around but they treated her like one of them anyway. "I know she will." She smiled warmly and comfortingly at Sawyer. "I'll take care of her."

He smiled back, sadly, as he brushed a stray strand of hair from her face. "I know." He made sure Kate was sleeping before he said, "It's not going to be long now. A week. Maybe." He held his face up to the air, then he turned his blazing eyes on her, making her gasp a little. "Sara, don't let..." he paused as he tried to collect himself; tears were building in his throat, he could feel it clench up as he croaked, "Don't let her do anything crazy. She'll do anything to stop me and...she can't." Her head was suddenly heavy in his lap; his legs were breaking under the weight of her and he couldn't _do_ it anymore, he couldn't touch her, or look at her, or hear her because it broke his heart and he wanted to _run_ as far as he could so he didn't have to see her anymore, alone, cold, lonely- and a mother.

Sara rose and went to him, kneeling as a tear trickled down his cheek. She hesitated, then leaned over and hugged him. "It's okay, Sawyer. I won't let her do anything." He sobbed quietly against her shoulder for a second, being as silent as possible so Kate wouldn't wake up, but it felt good to lean on someone _besides_ Kate; she was too close to it, anyway, she couldn't give him much comfort because she needed it too.

He sighed, swallowing the rest of his tears, and he pulled away, looking up at Sara's kind, concerned face. "You should know about Kate, first. She wouldn't want me to tell you, well, maybe she wouldn't care, but back in the real world she was a fugitive. She was on the plane with a US Marshal, being taken stateside to be tried-"

Sara cut him off. "For murder, armed robbery, attempted murder...should I go on?"

Sawyer gazed at her in shock. "What? How did you know?"

She shrugged. "It was all over the news when the plane went down." He shook his head. I'm an idiot. "She's not what they say she is."

Sawyer glanced at her, a sardonic smile crossing his face. "Yes she is, Sara. And don't forget it." He brushed his hands softly through her hair again, loving how it snapped beneath his fingers as his electricity charged it. His voice lowered to almost a whisper. "She's a hard bitch beneath that loving Kate, Sara. Everything they said about her on the news, the things she did...she _did_. Her reasons are her own, hell, I don't even know them really, but I believe you know that she did have her reasons."

Sara was gazing at the sweetly sleeping Kate, trying to mesh the two together but they didn't _fit_; if the media was correct then she had done some horrible things and Sara couldn't condone them, no matter how hard she tried, but as she gazed at her and thought about the light, the warmth and goodness Kate had shown her, the love and acceptance, the way she was with Sawyer...she must have had really _good_ reasons. "Yeah. I know she's...good. If she wasn't I...I couldn't care about her."

Sawyer nodded. "Just be warned, Sara. She's ruthless when she has to be." She looked angelic as she slept cradled on his lap; the horrible crushing weight was gone and he couldn't resist kissing her opened mouth, she stirred and mumbled about angels and red and blue birds, then slipped back into sleep. "The first time I saw her she was getting dragged out of a bus station in Iowa. She kicked the shit out of the Marshal arresting her and I fell in love with her right then." He glanced at Sara, who was squatting next to them, still staring at Kate. "That was four years ago. How impossible is it that I would find her again? And like this?"

Sara smiled, using his shoulder to balance herself as she sat down, crosslegged, next to them. "Apparently not _too_ impossible."

Sawyer looked anguished. "What if this isn't real? What if I'm...making this so I can be with her? What if this isn't really even her, just some _thing_ I made to be her?" Terror snapped from his eyes.

Sara put a calming hand on his arm as he began to look a little panicky. "Sawyer, Sawyer, calm down. Look, you love her, right? When you hold her, like you are now, is she real? You can feel her, her heart beat, her breath?" He nodded, the fear in his eyes diminishing. "How much more real do you want it to be?"

He just stared at Kate for a minute, then reached his hand down to her belly and laid it there, feeling the warmth and life inside, his son growing in her. It _was_ real, as real as he could want it. He bowed his head, letting his energy flow into her, gently; she was going to need it. Soon.

Sara watched them sadly for a minute, then she stood and stretched, working the kinks from her already aching muscles. "I wouldn't let her sleep much longer. She's going to be tired no matter what."

He grimaced at the idea of waking her; she was too peaceful, too beautiful; he bent down and kissed her open mouth again and this time she reacted violently, lashing out with her fist before she realized what was happening and Sawyer yelped, "Dammit, Kate!" She clapped her hand to her mouth as she focused; Sawyer was holding his hand over his eye and looking at her reproachfully. "Sorry."

He glanced at Sara, still holding his hand over his smarting and swelling eye. She got him good. "I told you. Ruthless."

Kate stared at them blearily as they both laughed. "What the hell is so funny?" she snapped.

Sara smiled at Sawyer, nodding apologetically. "Oh, yeah, I should have remembered. Tired _and_ cranky." She leaned in and whispered, "No matter what."

Kate was glaring at them both. "Would you mind telling me what's so damn funny?" Her head was aching and her throat was sore from puking, and they were laughing away like nothing was wrong.

Sawyer leaned his head against hers, showing her a glimpse of his already-puffy eye. "You are, Freckles. You are."

-----

Hanso swiped his card again at the entrance to the medical lab and he ushered Jack and Locke into a small cubicle where there were two sinks and a pile of surgeon's scrubs and masks. "Wash up, Jack, you ought to know the drill." The three of them donned the scrubs and masks after they washed he opened a glass door that led into a small medical ward. Beds lined the walls on both sides and there was a small nursing station and some medical eqipment lying around. There were a few patients in the beds, and as Jack passed one he looked away in horror. He was shrunken, like he had no solid bones to hold him up and he had dissolved into a pile of vaguely human shaped skin. Drool was pooling at the corners of his mouth, or at least what Jack thought might be his mouth, and as he watched in disgust it dribbled out, stringing into his puddled lap.

Hanso was staring at him sadly. "Corrupted. He tessered a few too many times before we realized what it was doing." He sighed, shaking his head. "He's been like this for almost thrity years. Do you believe it? His case is mild. The others died. That's when we began working on the animals, testing the drugs to strengthen us for the journey. The tesseract takes it away, strength, intelligence, life span, ability to communicate," he nodded at the slobbering pile on the bed, "but the drugs gave it back."

Passing by the corrupted man puddled in his bed, they went through another door, this one led to a small clinic, and as Jack watched Hanso went to a large, glassed in cabinet, similar to the one at the Zoo, and he pulled out a small vial with the numbers 481-51623-42 stamped on it. "I've seen that before."

"Have you now? And where would that have been?" He looked mildly interested.

"Kate found it in the drains. And there were some in the hatch. Is it a vaccine?"

Hanso's eyes drifted and he said, "Vaccine. Yes, I guess it is, kind of." He glanced back at Jack, losing the faraway look. "After we saw what the treatments did to the animals we decided that it was time for us to use it on ourselves. We had returned the Foundation to its working order and over the course of a month we injected ourselves with the serum, watching as we grew stronger, faster, smarter, stealthier...we quickly took over the Island and we rounded up the people who were here and told them that it was a vaccine, so that what happened to the people who were bitten didn't happen to them." He grinned. "In reality I was creating an army. The war had almost destroyed us, all of my work, my dream. The Dark was defeated and the Island was adrift; it spoke to me at night, while I lay beneath the stars, and it told me what I had to do to bring it back to power, to bring back it's magic so that it could survive the next war." The faraway look was back but he was staring at Jack as he said, "That's the cycle, you see. It dies and is reborn, over and over. Why? Who knows? It just _is_. So I used the tesseract to call down another power, and another, and another, and soon we were back on track."

Jack looked around. "So you bring down planes and ships to power the Island and to build an army. Well, where's the army?"

Hanso grinned through his beard. "Everywhere, Jack. And they are Legion." He turned away, picking up a shiny injection gun like the one Sawyer had in his pack. "Seen this before too, I see," he said, noting Jack's look.

Jack nodded. "Desmond had one, in the hatch..." Comprhension dawned in his eyes. "Desmond was one of you?"

Hanso nodded. "Yeah. We knew you were trying to get into the hatch, so we snuck him in to show you how the computer works, get you to stay and do button duty for us." His insane grin widedned. "I told you we were everywhere, Jack." Sticking the tip of the needle-gun into the vial he withdrew a small amount of liquid and thumped the side of the gun, ridding it of trapped air bubbles. "Who wants to go first?"

Jack backed away. "I'm not doing that."

Locke stepped forward. "I will."

Hanso rubbed a swab of alcohol over Locke's arm and hesitated before pulling the trigger. "The transition is...painful, John. In about an hour we'll have to put you in the closed room." He motioned to a barred, padlocked steel door Jack hadn't noticed; there was a tiny glass window near the upper end of the door; it looked like the same 'glass' that was in the hatch door. "So you won't...hurt yourself." He paused, looking Locke in the eyes. "There's no goin' back."

Locke nodded. "Go ahead."

Jack watched with horror and apprehension as Hanso jabbed the needle into Locke's arm, pulling the trigger on the injection gun. John winced, and as Hanso pulled out the needle and covered it with a small piece of gauze he turned to Jack. "Now you."

Jack shook his head. "No." He was afraid of what it would do to him; his mind was still on Ana, no matter how hard he tried to turn it to other things, and he had a feeling that she was in trouble. He did care, he _always_ cared, and God knows he wanted her; something in him was holding him back from wanting her enough. He still had a chance; if the Island had taught him anything, it was that there was always another chance but he was afraid, scared that she was too far gone for him to get back. So he stayed, and thought about her, and loved her. And suffered.

Hanso shrugged, looking at his with sage eyes. "You'll come around. She will too, it's just a matter of time." He winked at Jack, making his skin crawl. "If she lives."

Cold dread struck Jack deep in his stomach. "What do you mean?"

"Nothin'." He grinned. "It's just a dangerous Island. And you _did_ leave her alone out there."

Jack spun around and sprinted for the door; he was going to find her before something happened, he couldn't bear the idea that she would be hurt and it would be his fault. Hanso pulled out a gun and cocked it, shouting just as he reached the swinging door back into the ward. "Stop!"

Jack skidded to a halt, his hand resting on the doors. "You gonna shoot me? Fine. Do it." He stared to push on the door.

"Just another hour, Jack, then I will let you go. I want you to be here when we put Locke in the closed room." He smiled and put the gun back in his pocket. "An hour."

Jack hesitated; an hour could mean anything for Ana, but the Island was still important, without it he could never have her anyway. "Fine. An hour." He came back to them and Locke stood up from his stool, rubbing his arm.

"Tingling. And not pleasantly." He was grimacing a little.

Hanso nodded. "Yes. It's just the beginning, my friend." He looked around the room and said, "We have seen enough here. Maybe a tour of the Math and Numerology department will take your mind off of the pain, for a little while anyway."

Locke nodded, and Jack agreed; the number mystery was about to be solved and he thought briefly about Eko, telling them about the Bible Numerology that night on the beach by the drains. Guilt flickered briefly as he remembered John shooting him down cold in the glade and he swallowed it, concentrating his energy on Ana and finding her as soon as possible. He smiled weakly at Hanso as they walked towards the swinging doors exiting the medical rooms. "Yeah, I've been wondering about some numbers..."


	105. Chapter 105

**Chapter 105**  
The math department didn't even have a lock on it; Hanso just pulled the door open, holding it for them as they passed through. It was like a little library, with complex-looking textbooks lining the walls and shelves and shelves of files lined up by date in descending order. Alomg one wall was a bank of huge box computers and a few scruffy people, looking odd in their sparkling white coats fed data into them, while a few others read out reports from another stand of computers, filing the printouts after reading them. Occasionally one would leave the computer and go to a small black marble pedestal that sat in the middle of the room; they would gaze into it for a few moments, then press a few buttons on the console next to it.

Hanso nodded at the stand of computers. "They are inputting data from the magnetic pulses from the Island; the computer coverts it to numbers and transmits it to the room behind the space/time chambers. From there it is fed into the 'universe', and from there we can track the movements of the tesseract, what worlds it is opening onto. And we can control it, call it back when we need to, direct it where to go." He pointed to the pedestal. "Look into it."

Jack moved forward and peered into the basin; it was a tiny universe, a mirror of the one they had stood in just a while ago. While he was gazing into it a scrubby woman came up, peered in and nodded, pointing, to a black cloud floating next to a tiny star. She typed in some numbers on the console and it zoomed in until Jack could see a tiny, green planet and as it zoomed closer he could see it was all forest, with tall, ancient trees and high mountains. The cloud hovered over it for a few seconds then vanished, and the woman nodded, apparently satisfied.

Hanso was watching Jack's reaction. "Recall. Time for a briefing."

He didn't like the sound of that. "Briefing?"

"Well, yes, Jack." He grinned, his teeth unnaturally white in his beard. "I told you my army was _everywhere_. And it is _Legion_. You didn't think they were all here, did you?" He shook his head, looking at Jack with a little disappointment. "Why would I build an army only here?" He held up the vial he had stuck in his pocket. "Why do you think we have so much of this?" He looked proud as he said, "We have standing armies on fifteen planets, now, and agents on countless others. It's why we take the strongest and fittest from your camps at night." He waved his hand over the podium and the universe began to spin and gyrate. "When the ancients on Earth looked up into the night skies they could see so much better than we can today. The skies were brighter, clearer, and they believed that the stars told the stories of their births, the stories of their lives, that they were a _part_ of them, and so they named the stars, gave them meanings." He motioned into the basin. "You see, when people say they saw it in the stars, it's possible that they have. Take, for instance, the stars in whose solar systems we have colonized planets. First was Atlas, in the constellation, Taurus," he waved his hand and the bull appeared as Hanso pointed to a star. "Atlas. It means 'He who suffers', because Atlas had to bear the world on his shoulders." He looked pointedly at Jack before continuing. "We have a small group there. Next was Orion, the star Bellatrix." He nodded. "The warriorress. Then we moved to Chamaeleontis, or the Chameleon." The third star wheeled away as he kept listing them, and Jack was getting a sick feeling as Locke started fidgeting in earnest beside him. "The fourth planet we settled on was in Canis Major, the big dog; Sirius, commonly known as the Dog Star. It actually means 'scorching', but in the context of this conversation it could go either way, understand?"

Jack nodded. "Yeah, I get it. Me, Kate, Sawyer, Vincent/ plane crash. That's all just inference, like Nostradamus. You could read anything into that."

Hanso nodded. "Sure, you could Jack, but do you really believe that? Let me go on and maybe you will see better." He pulled up a fifth sun, ringed by spinning planets. "This is Geminorium, or Gemini, the twins. We have two in this constellation, actually. Fitting, isn't it? Mebsuta, outstretched hand, and Mekbuta, pulled in hand. Next was Alioth, in Ursa Major. Alioth means 'black horse', and while you may not get that reference, trust me, it is relevant." He waved his hand again and another star swirled into view. "Canes Venatici, the hunting dogs. This star here," he pointed, "is Chara. Joy. And this is Normae, the carpenter's level." He nodded at Jack's look. "Yes, that is why we were calling him the carpenter. Among other reasons. Then came Virgo, the virgin, with her star Porrima," he gestured to it, "The Roman goddess of childbirth."

Jack glanced sharply up at him. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"What do you think it means?" He smiled but his eyes were cold.

Jack didn't want to think about what it meant and he closed his eyes, feeling nauseous. "I don't know," he said as Hanso kept on.

"Next is the star Nashira, or 'she who brings good news'." He looked pointedly at Jack again as Locke sneered, pain ripping through him steadily, making his blood feel like it was made of ground glass.

Jack rolled his eyes. "Sara, I got it."

"But you see what she brings, Jack? Look." He waved his hand and a star swam up. "Constellation Librae. The scales of Judgement. And this star here," he pointed, "is Mulu-Lizi." He paused. "Man of Fire."

Jack swallowed. It was getting a little too real. "T-that's crazy."

Hanso eyed him, nodding slowly. "Is it? Next we colonized a planet in the star Botein, in Aries, the Ram." It came up to the top of the pedestal. "Little belly." His gaze stayed on Jack again as he flinched. "Next was Herculis, the hero, with the star Sarin, or 'many headed'. In Columbae, the Dove Constellation, there is Tsze, the son." His eyes strayed to the door. "The man we brought back, he was on the last planet. In Pegasus. The star Sadalbari, or 'Lucky star of the excellent one'." He paused for a few seconds, giving it time to sink in. "The stars tell _our_ stories, too. Do you know what that means for us, Jack?"

He did but he wouldn't accept it. "I can't be a part of that. Sawyer, sure, and Kate, even, but not a baby. I can't do that."

Hanso nodded. "We'll see Jack, when it comes down to it." He glanced at John, who was gritting his teeth and shaking with agony. "I guess it's time for the closed room. Jack, help me."

They each grabbed Locke under an arm and helped him back into the Med lab, as a flock of red and blue birds took off from the courtyard, flying away into the afternoon sun.

---

Kate's bad mood had passed and she was now cheery and sweet, teasing Sawyer about his now-blackening eye. "You should know better than to do that."

He gave her an incredulous look. "All I did was kiss you."

She laughed. "And how does that usually end up?"

He shrugged, grinning, She was so vibrant and alive that he couldn't stay depressed. "Okay, okay." He glanced back at Sara, who was walking just behind them. "Hey, Professor. You okay back there?"

She glanced up at his nickname. "Professor?"

Kate was laughing. "Well, now you should really feel like part of the family, if he's given you a nickname. How official." She winked at Sawyer. "And it's not even that offensive."

He grinned back, pulling her to him as they walked. "Speaking of names, Freckles, have you been thinking about any?"

She smiled, looking down at her stomach reflexively. "Some. I kinda thought...you know, James. For you." Her cheeks reddened a little and she ducked her head.

"No, I don't want you to name him after me. He's gonna have enough devil in him without havin' his name too." He flashed his dimples at her, the devil, and she chuckled. But that wasn't the real reason he didn't want her to name their son James; he didn't want her to call anyone that but him. "Anyone in your family you want to name him after?"

He winced as soon as he said it; she smiled sadly and looked away. "No."

They were quiet for a few seconds and Sawyer placed his hand on her stomach. "Sorry. Should've known better."

She shook her head. "It's okay."

Sara broke the silence, stepping up beside them. "Um, my sister was pregnant last year and she made me go through baby name books with her for hours. I mean, every book you can imagine, English, American, Greek, Italian, Chinese, Japanese..."she shook her head. "She finally settled on Ashley Marie. All of that and she picked _Ashley_." She glanced up at them. "Anyway, I remember a lot of the names and what they mean, if you want to throw some out at me."

Kate was staring at her in amazement. "You can remember that stuff?"

Sara shrugged. "I retain trivial information really well."

Nodding slowly, Kate said, "I guess so." She turned her eyes to Sawyer. "Well? Got any ideas?"

He smirked at her. "Jack."

She rolled her eyes. "I thought I was _forbidden_ to name him Jack."

"You are. I just wanna know what it means."

Sara was grinning. "I remember that one well. Jack means 'God is Gracious'."

Sawyer grinned. "I guess Jacky took that to heart, eh?"

They all chuckled a little, then Kate said, "I've always liked the name Mark."

Sara said, "God of War."

"Maybe not." She thought for a minute. "Gabriel?"

Sara nodded. "Strong man, I think." She added, "Plus he was an angel."

Kate had a sudden flash of inspiration. "I know! I used to know this girl, and her parents were hippies, right, they lived on a commune and everything." She smiled at Sawyer's look. "Iowa is a weird place. Anyway, her parent's put their names together, I can't remember it now, though." She smiled at him. "We could do that, Kate and James. How about Jate?"

He shook his head. "No, no. That just sounds _wrong_." He grinned. "I once knew these people who named their kid Rowdy Joe. Seriously. It was like that on his birth certificate." He smiled at Kate's look. "Tennessee is a weird place."

Sara spoke quietly. "What about Joshua?"

Kate and Sawyer exchanged glances and Kate shrugged. "I like it."

Sara smiled softly. "Joshua was closely associated with Moses. When he died Joshua took his place as leader of the Isrealites and he led them as they began their battles of conquest that lasted for many years, until he had led them to victory over most of the surrounding country. He's best known for Jericho, though, where he and his priests blew their trumpets and the Isrealites raised their voices until the walls of the city came down and it was destroyed."

Kate was smiling sweetly at Sawyer and she said, "I like it, James, how about you?"

He considered for a second, then nodded. "It's an idea. What does it mean?"

Sara looked away, then glanced back at them, smiling. It means 'salvation'."


	106. Chapter 106

**Chapter 106**  
As they dragged John to the medical lab Jack ran over what Hanso had said in his mind. He got the star thing, and it _was_ a little too coincidental, but it was insane that the planets they had chosen to colonize laid out their story. "So what are you planning to do? Take over the universe?"

Hanso shifted Locke's weight so he could push open the swinging door; Locke was shaking uncontrollably and his muscles were spasming and twitching with increasing frequency as Hanso motioned to one of the scruffy nurses to open the steel bolted door. "The universe? No, no, that would be crazy. But I can take over _parts_ of it." The door creaked open and they carried Locke into a padded, circular room, and as Jack took it in he noticed that even the inside of the door was rounded and padded, and they set John down gently before exiting; Hanso padlocked the door behind him, then turned his attention to Jack. "Let's go outside in the courtyard, Jack. It's stuffy in here."

They walked back through the swinging double doors and through the security lock out into the courtyard; Jack was surprised to realize that it was already getting towards dusk. His gaze was drawn to the center door and he left Hanso and walked up the stairs to it; across the top were _the_ numbers. "What do these numbers mean?" He pointed to them, getting agitated as he felt the answers coming closer.

Hanso smiled, looking away. "They don't mean anything. They're just random numbers I chose from my head." His eyes were thoughtful as they gazed at Jack. "But they came to mean something, didn't they?"

Jack looked away, shaking his head. "Eko said they had meaning. Biblical meanings."

Hanso nodded. "Well, of course, Jack. Every number _means_ something. What I meant was the numbers had no particular significance for me." He smiled, making the hair stand up on the back of Jack's neck. "Everyone makes their own meanings. It's just coincidence. Or fate, depending on your view. You see them everywhere, don't you? In fact, you _look_ for them."

"Our flight number. The hatch. The button. Just random numbers." He shook his head in disgust. "Great." Ana popped into his head with their seat numbers, 23A and 42F; at the thought of her Jack forgot everything else. "My hour is up, Hanso. I'm leaving."

He turned to go and Hanso said, "Wait just one more minute." He caught up to Jack, putting a hand on his arm. "You could be a part of it, Jack. Exploring the universe, worlds that the Earth's best astronomers and astronauts can only dream about seeing. You can help us conquer them."

He shook his head in revulsion at Hanso's touch and his voice was dripping sarcasm as he said, "I thought you had a manpower shortage? How can you keep taking over planets, worlds, whatever? You're nuts."

Hanso sighed, and took his hand away from Jack's arm, making him breathe a little sigh of relief. "Do you know how the Romans kept their empire going for three thousand years even though they were spread across Europe? When they defeated a tribe or a city they didn't crush it, destroy it; they assimilated it into Rome. They made the people they subdued citizens and gave them full rights and benefits, including the right to trade and have protection under the Roman name. A powerful, powerful draw, is money," he said, smiling. "I do the same thing. I show them the power I have and I promise them a part of it if they join me." He grinned. "Force is rarely necessary."

"Then how come in twenty-something years you've only _assimilated_ fifteen worlds? If it's so easy." He was itching to go after Ana but something held him in place, rooting him to the ground.

Hanso noticed his agitation and knew he wouldn't stay much longer. It was okay, a few more minutes could only help. "Because not all of them are inhabited, civilized. I don't want to waste my time on worlds that have nothing to offer, no incentive to take them over. So we pick and choose, letting our outposts take over the smaller, uninhabited or uncivilized worlds."

His feet were suddenly free to move and he glared at Hanso for a second before he said, coldly. "I don't want to conquer anybody." He started to leave. "I only want...I only want one thing, and I'm going to get her." He began to trot as he reached the door that led into the waiting room, his heart yearning for Ana.

Hanso let him go. It was too late anyway.

-----

Kate was getting tired and it was a novel sensation; she leaned heavily against Sawyer as the sun dipped beneath the tree line, casting the jungle in gray shadows. Usually her energy was boundless, she could go for days and not tire, she'd had to do it enough on the run. But now she was exhausted, her legs felt like lead and her eyes were heavy and she stumbled, falling against Sawyer.

"That's it," he said, catching her arm as she bounced against him. "We're stopping. This is fine for tonight." Kate was relieved, though she tried not to show it; she couldn't stand to think that she was too weak to continue and it was easier to let Sawyer make her stop. He eased her down to the ground and he sat next to her, letting her lean against him. "You okay, Freckles?"

She leaned over and kissed him, her tongue gently teasing his and he groaned a little before he pulled away. "Yeah. Just...yeah." That wasn't what she meant; she wasn't okay. The feeling had been growing all day, that something bad was coming, though she'd tried to ignore it, preferring to enjoy the day with him and Sara. She unconciously grasped Sawyer's hand, sqeezing it as he brushed a strand of sweaty hair from her face. She suddenly wanted to get away from this place as fast as possible; it was bad, something was coming and she was scared because it could be _it_. "Let's keep going, James. I'm fine."

She was pale and sweaty and there were rings shadowing beneath her eyes, though he supposed it could be the growing twilight but he didn't think so. He could feel it too, and the birds that flew by chirped warnings that he didn't understand, they kept saying something about Frank but he wasn't worried about him; Frank Sawyer had no power over him anymore. So what was it? He wondered where Kotori was, usually the little owl had news for him by now and his feeling of dread increased. Not for himself, this was not the battle he was destined for; he was worried for Kate, and Sara, and little baby James. They were the ones in danger, and it was close.

He considered running but Kate was too tired; he could see the fatigue on her face though she tried to hide it and he looked at Vincent for guidance. "Well, Fido, what do you think?"

Vincent woofed and Sawyer nodded. "I figured." He turned to Kate. "This is as good a place as any, Freckles. We camp here."

She tried to get up but he put his hand on her arm, pulling her back down. "We've got to gather wood and get some food, James."

"_You_ don't." He held her eyes with his and said softly, "I can do it, Kate. Let me take care of you." The unspoken words hung in the air between them. _While I still can._ He broke their gaze and turned to Sara. "Stay here, both of you, and I'll be right back." Sara nodded and joined Kate on the ground.

Kate let him go, though she hated to let him out of her sight. She didn't understand why he wouldn't fight it, why he was so sure; she looked at Vincent, cocking her head. "Why won't he fight it? We can...he can change it, Eko said so." She was feeling a little desperate as she said it. "Why is he so _certain_?"

Vincent sat in front of her, panting. He woofed gently, then nosed her belly, snuffling a little as Kate pushed his cold, wet nose away; he rolled over, putting his legs in the air and closing his eyes. He held that position for a few seconds then jumped back to his feet, grinning with his tongue lolling out. Kate rolled her eyes, looking disappointed as her face hardened. "Fine. Don't tell me. But I'm not going to let him do it."

Sara's heart stopped for a brief second at the cold, harsh tone in her voice. She glanced aside at her and her stomach dropped; Kate was staring after Sawyer with love, but it was cold, hard and merciless love. She shivered in the evening heat as goosebumps popped up along her arms. She was sitting next to a _murderer_, a cold, ruthless killer, and she was terrified for a second; as she watched Kate's face softened and lost the hard, vengeful expression as her hand wandered to her belly and she smiled. Suddenly she was Kate again, and Sara's momentary panic passed. She needed Kate to know. "I know who you are, Kate."

She tensed and glanced at Sara from the corner of her eye. "You do, huh?" Her voice was suddenly cold but Sara smiled anyway. "So, who am I?"

"Don't get defensive. After the crash it was all over the news. I just wanted you to know that I know, and that it doesn't make a difference." She averted her eyes as she laid her hand on Kate's. "I...I don't care about that, because I _know_ you. And I love you."

Kate relaxed and smiled at Sara with something like awe. "You do?" She shook her head, laughing a little ruefully to herself as she looked down at Sara's hand over hers. "It's been a long time since I've had a friend, Sara. A _real_ friend." She reddened a little in the dusky twilight. "So, thanks."

Sawyer came bursting back through the bushes, fruit in hand and he handed it it to Kate, panting a little as he squatted next to her. She noticed a few fresh scratches along the side of his face and he was sweaty and smudged with dirt but he had never been more beautiful to her than in that moment, his eyes shining as she let him take care of her. She handed the fruit to Sara without looking and pulled him to her, kissing him softly as he tried to keep his balance without falling over on top of her. She finally let him go and he sat back on his heels, grinning at her flushed and reddened cheeks. "What was that for?"

She gave him a sweet, wicked smile. "For bringin' home the bacon, baby. Now get a fire started and I'll fry it up in a pan." She reached out and ran her fingers down the scratches on his cheek. "Did the fruit put up a fight?"

He stood up, rolling his eyes even as he chuckled. "No, but the damn bushes sure did."

Vincent suddenly leapt to his feet, growling and staring into the trees; without another yip he sprinted into the bushes and they could hear them shaking for a minute as he tore through the underbrush. They all exchanged scared glances, and Sawyer waved his hand as sticks and kindling piled themselves into a campfire before he shot a sizzling bolt from his hand, igniting it.

The glade was silent but for the crackling of the flames as the darkness grew deeper; from far in the distance there came a loud, drawn out howl and Sawyer glanced at Kate before waving his hands and piling more wood on the fire.


	107. Chapter 107

**Chapter 107**  
Jack ran through the jungle, his worry for Ana growing with every step he took; he was getting close to where he had left her and he hadn't seen one single sign of her anywhere; his stomach lurched with dread again as he heard a long, drawn out howl in the distance and he picked up his pace.

Hanso and Locke were both crazy and he still couldn't believe that John had actually gone over to them. He wanted to save the Island, and he realized now that it was because of Ana that he wanted to keep it- he'd always known that- but if he lost her to keep it then what did it matter? Horrible visions kept flipping through his head like a slideshow; the monster, the polar bear, Sawyer; she was in danger and he cursed himself for letting her go in the first place, just because he was pissed at Sara.

He was torn; he still wanted to have Ana, and there was only one way for that to happen, but he also didn't want anything else to do with Locke and his new buddies. They were crazy, insane with power and he swore that if he got the chance he was going to kill them both before they got any more dangerous.

He stopped dead in his tracks as gunshot and a loud, agonized yelp echoed through the darkened jungle; he turned towards the sound and took off running.

-----

The fire was blazing high as they all sat silently, listening for sounds from the jungle. Sawyer's hands were wrapped around Kate, holding her close, protecting her from whatever was coming; they all jumped at a loud gunshot and Sawyer leapt to his feet as it was followed by a tortured yelp. Kate stared to get up and he held his hand out at her. "No, Kate. You stay." He reached into his pack and pulled out his gun, handing it to Sara. He was glad when she took it, reluctantly, the cool metal against his skin was unpleasant. "Do you know how to use that?"

She hesitated and shook her head slightly. "Not really."

He gave her a reassuring look. "Kate can show you quick enough." He turned his gaze back to hers and she climbed to her feet and threw herself on him, her lips meeting his with desperate force, as if she could keep him from going just by holding his mouth to hers. "It's okay, I gotta go. Vincent." He pulled away, smiling regretfully. "Get your gun out too, Kate. Shoot anybody you see." He added quickly, "Except me."

She smiled faintly. "Darn." He grinned at her and took off in the direction of the shot. Her weak smile faded as she watched him go and only Sara's fiddling with the gun snapped her out of her daze. "Here," she said, kindly, taking the gun from Sara's shaking hand and flicking the safety off. "Now, this thing will fire so watch where you're pointing it." She held it out to her, butt first. "When you're ready to fire, just pull back the hammer, like this," she pulled her own gun from her waistband and cocked it. "Then just point and shoot."

Sara nodded, a little disturbed as she watched Kate expertly pop out the clip and inspect it before slipping it back in and putting one in the chamber. Kate could see her from the corner of her eye and she smiled tightly; Sara was a little scared of her. She was used to it. She didn't look at Sara as she spoke. "You're right to be scared of me."

Sara whipped her head around. "Who said I was scared?"

Kate still didn't look at her but Sara could see a bitter smile cross her face. "Everyone is. Except James."

They stood, side by side next to the fire, drawing warmth and comfort from it as they tuned their ears to the jungle; there were no sounds, no shouts, no birds, no insects, just the rustle of the leaves and the popping of the fire in the dark.

-----

He burst into the clearing and stopped dead; Frank was standing with his foot proudly propped up on a prone and bleeding Vincent, like a hunter posing over his kill. He started to go to Vincent but Frank pointed his gun at the dog's head and Saywer stopped, anguished. He glared at Frank. "I ain't afraid of you anymore, Sawyer." His fingers sparked maliciously and he lifted them but Frank stopped him.

"Wait just a minute, Ford. I gotta proposition for you." He grinned and took his foot off of Vincent, still keeping the gun on his head; he groaned as the weight came off and Sawyer stared at him, helplessly.

"What is it?" His eyes never left the dog's slowly rising and falling chest.

"I know how you can live." He winked at him. "If you really want to."

Sawyer gave him a sharp look but he couldn't keep the elated feeling down, though he knew it was stupid to trust Frank. "What do you mean if I want to?" His heart went icy at Frank's grin.

"Well, I just didn't think you'd want to live with her dead."

Cold panic gripped his chest and he suddenly couldn't get his breath; he'd left her _alone_. He spun on his heel and started to bolt but Frank's chilly voice stopped him. "You Ford men," he sneered, shaking his head, "You let those damn women get to you. No whore is worth what you're doing."

Cold blue lightning blazed from Sawyer's hands and Frank froze in the bolts for a moment as the electricity coursed through him; Sawyer held the bolt until Frtank began smoking; as he dropped him his ragged, dirty clothes burst into flames.

Sawyer scooped up Vincent, noting he was still breathing, he whispered, "Hold on, buddy. I gotta get to Kate."

Vincent rolled his eyes up to Sawyer and growled weakly, but he shook his head. "No, I'm not leaving you here. Just hold on, okay?" He started to run like the devil was behind him; and he thought with a pang that he was, smoking and burning in a pile on the jungle floor.

He heard three shots in succession and a scream coming from Kate's direction; cold with dread he ran harder, his heart screaming for her as terror drove him on, carrying an angel in his arms.

-----

The bushes rustled in front of them and Kate brought her gun up, pointing it steadily with her finger ready on the trigger; Sara followed her example but her hand shook uncontrollably from fear. She had to admire Kate's steely composure, though she knew what she was about to see was going to freak her out she knew it had to be done; her love for Kate grew even more as she realized just how _strong_ Kate was, how powerful in her own right, and she thought, Sawyer is wrong. Kate doesn't need me. She wants me though, she wants a friend and I can be that.

Ana stepped from the bushes, her gun already cocked and raised, pointing at Kate. "Hi, Kate."

Kate didn't flinch or drop her gun; she smiled icily and Sara saw Ana quail just a little. "Hi, Ana." She looked behind her, and said sarcastically, "Where's Jack?"

Ana smirked, her eyes sliding to Sara; they gleamed maniacally and Sara felt her stomach drop. "What do you care? I could ask you the same thing. Where's your _guard dog_?"

Kate was terrified, not for herself, or even for Sara; she had to force her hand down as it tried to creep up to her stomach. "Jack shot Vincent." She felt a little sick. "What do you want Ana?"

Ana advanced closer to them and Kate squeezed her trigger gently; she backed off, smiling sadly, her eyes crazy. "I can't have what I want, thanks to her." She jerked her head aside at Sara. "But if I kill you then I have a shot."

Kate was suddenly terrified and her knees went watery but she hid it, keeping her eyes cold and cruel as she tried to stall; surely Sawyer had realized it was a trick and was on his way back. Sara was shaking beside hr and even if she could bring herself to pull the trigger she'd miss Ana by a mile. "Why me?"

Ana shook her head. "You know that, Kate. Don't play stupid." She nodded at Sara, who paled a little under Ana's insane gaze. "Now, her, well, she decided to drop in and now Jack is gone. You took him from me." Rage welled up inside of her at the thought of him; in her unhinged brain she associated his betrayal with Sara's and she _loved_ him. Sara was an easy scapegoat and as Ana's unbalanced mind tipped over into complete madness she swung the gun around at Sara and fired just as Kate did. Sara screamed and dropped and Ana staggered backwards as Kate's bullet slammed into her but she was _gone_, she didn't even feel the pain as she brought her gun up to Kate with blazing hatred. A third shot blasted apart the stillness of the jungle.

Jack heard the shots and the scream and he changed direction; it was a woman's scream and his stomach clenched in dread as he ran until his lungs were about to burst; he spotted blazing firelight through the trees and he slowed, closing his eyes against what he was afraid he would see.

He took a deep breath and pushed the bushes aside as he stepped into the clearing.


	108. Chapter 108

**Chapter 108**

Ana swung her gun back up and pointed it as Kate fired again, hitting Ana squarely in the chest. Her eyes registered blank shock, then the gun dropped from her hands as she fell with a gurgling sigh, crumpling into a heap on the ground. Kate pushed aside her feelings of disgust and horror and kicked the gun away from Ana's hand, not that it mattered; blood was trickling from her mouth and her eyes were blank and staring as a large red stain spread across the front of her shirt.

Kate rushed to Sara and rolled her over; she was unconcious and Kate frantically checked for blood on her, finally finding a stain spreading across her hip where Ana's bullet had grazed her, leaving a deep, ragged furrow in her skin. She moaned a little as Kate touched it, her eyes fluttering open as Kate smiled, "You're okay." Satisfied that Sara wasn't in danger she went back to Ana, whose lifeless eyes were staring up at the sky.

She gazed down at her for a second, her stomach rolling as she reached down and closed her eyes; they were judging her and she couldn't bear to look at them, as she did her stomach gave a lurch and she stumbled to the bushes, retching until she was just heaving as tears ran down her face.

-----

Sawyer ran, carrying Vincent in his arms, the clearing was ahead and he didn't see or hear anything; his heart froze and he gave one hard effort, bursting into the glade with terror clouding his vision. He didn't see Kate at first; she was still leaning her pale, clammy head against a tree trunk, tears and sweat mingling on her skin as she cried softly against the tree.

Sara went to him as Kate glanced up; as she saw Sawyer she ran to him, throwing herself over Vincent as she sobbed against his chest. "James...James...I-I had to do it." He looked over her shoulder and saw the lifeless Ana lying on the ground. He looked away, horrified even as relief flooded through him, making his knees suddenly so weak that he couldn't hold himself and Vincent and he set him down as gently as he could, taking Kate in his arms as he rose. He kissed her frantically, running his hands over her in a surge of love and relief and she kissed him back, her tears salty on his tongue and lips.

"It's okay, baby, it's okay," he held her close, his lips moving against her neck as she cried and he gripped her tight, suddenly, guilt ripping through him at her suffering. "It's my fault, Kate. I never should have left you here. I should have known..." he crushed her tighter, hating himself for his stupidity and what it almost cost him. He knew the stakes were high, now the end was close, and they would do _anything_ to get to him, so why had he been so careless?

Because he was certain, certain that his sacrifice would save her and the baby from everything, but it struck him like a bullet that it wasn't _done_, the war wasn't over and Kate was still in danger. He had to win before he could be sure, and as he tangled his hands in her hair, pulling her as close as he could, he knew that he had to win. He _had_ to; it had terrified him to think she was hurt or dead and he had to be sure that it would never happen again.

He pulled away and caressed her cheek, grimacing at her pale skin and red-rimmed eyes; she felt weak against him and he motioned for Sara to come closer. She was standing, painfully, and he noticed for the first time the deep furrow in her hip. Vincent was in worse condition though, and as Sara hobbled over and took his place beside Kate he knelt beside Vincent, who was breathing shallowly as his pupils dilated in the dark firelight. "Easy, Rover. We've done this before." He put his hands on him and closed his eyes, trying to picture him whole and happy but Kate kept intruding and he lost his concentration. He sat back, frustrated as he glanced at Kate; she had slid her eyes to Ana's body and she was shaking and green as Sara held her up.

She noticed his frustration and, smiling at Sara, moved to Sawyer's side, dropping weakly next to him and laying her hand on his arm. "Do it, James," she said, the green tinge fading as she touched his skin. It electrified and energized her and her nausea was gone, though dread and horror still sat heavily in her gut.

He smiled as Kate ran her fingers along his arm, and he felt his mind clear; she was safe, she was okay, and she was beside him; the world was right and he touched Vincent, smiling as a surge of power left his hands and Vincent suddenly sat up, wagging his tail softly and licking Kate's hand. Sawyer sat back, letting him rise slowly and shake; as he did he saw Ana's body lying on the ground and he glanced up at Sawyer and woofed softly with sad eyes.

Sawyer just stared at him, not answeing and Vincent padded over to Ana, snuffling at her bloody mouth and the gaping wound in her chest; he woofed again, louder, and Kate winced at the anger in it. "I did it. She shot Sara, she was crazy."

He gave her a reproachful look and snuffled at Ana again, then he sat beside her and let out a mournful howl just as Jack came pushing through the bushes.

-----

He didn't see her right away; his eyes were held by Kate and Sawyer, standing together and looking horrified as he came through the bushes. Then he saw Sara, a long bloody gash across her hip and he started forward to look at it but something in her eyes stopped him; her gaze slid from him to the side and he followed her stare, his heart ripped from his chest as he saw her on the ground, eyes closed and blood soaking the front of her shirt and trickling from her mouth.

It was like he had been hit by a truck; all of the air and strength went from him and he stumbled across the clearing, blinded by tears and he fell at her side, checking for a pulse, a tic, anything at all. Nothing. The world closed in on him and he was suffocating, he couldn't draw a breath, his brain was on strike and he couldn't do anything but stare at her with horror and agony as silent tears trickled down his cheeks. He was too late; he had let them delay him too long, and he shook with fury at himself and at them, Kate and Sawyer. They had done it.

Kate was feeling sick again and she tried to quell the urge to heave, swallowing hard and choking her own tears back as Jack keened silently over Ana, holding her cold hand and kissing her clammy, white forehead. Guilt washed over her, drowning her in grief and sadness, her hand went to her stomach and she didn't _want_ it anymore, it was too much. What the hell kind of a mother would she be? How could she even dare to think she could be one? She turned away, pressing her face to Sawyer's shirt as his arm went around her protectively, wishing he could shield her from it, from the guilt and sorrow eating at her.

Vincent howled again, a long mournful lowing that was different from Eko's lament; it wasn't as musical, as heavenly. Jack kissed Ana's still lips once more, lingering as he pressed his forehead to hers. He finally stood, and he was different; like he was just a shadow of Jack, a dark shade that was vaguely Jack-like except for the dark, cold flames blazing in his eyes. "What happened to her. Who did it?"

None of them answered and he stepped away from her body, with jerky, stiff steps, as if his brain still wasn't working properly, like the nerves weren't firing and he was just numb. Sara started to go to him, but he pulled his gun and pointed it at her as the fire in his eyes blazed higher. "Jack-"

"WHO DID IT?" He snapped and shrieked out the question and Kate turned her face from Sawyer's shirt and stepped up to Jack before he could stop her.

She walked into the barrel of his gun, pushing her body against it and Sawyer froze in terror as she stared Jack in the eyes and said, "I did."

He was trembling violently and all he could see in front of his eyes was her cold body, her bloody mouth and waxy skin and he completely lost it, drawing back the pistol and whipping it across Kate's face. Her head snapped to the side and blood spurted as a gash opened across her cheekbone; Sawyer leapt forward, grabbing Jack by the throat and squeezing as he lifted him an inch off of the ground. "What the fuck do you think you're doing, Jackass?"

Jack smiled coldly over Sawyer's fist as he gasped for air. "What..are you...gonna...do...Sawyer?" Kate came up beside them, her cheek already swelling and blackening and her neck and chest stained with blood from the gash; she put her hand on Sawyer's arm and pulled it down, making him set Jack back on the ground, then she slid her hand up to his, where it was wrapped around Jack's throat, and at gentle insistence from her fingers he opened his fist, letting Jack loose. He gasped for air and rubbed his throat, glaring at Sawyer and Kate. "You killed her."

Kate looked Jack in the eyes, her fingers going to her cheek and she nodded. "Yeah, I did. She shot Sara and turned the gun on me. What was I supposed to do, Jack?"

He noticed that her hand wandered down and touched her stomach and he looked away, still furious and...dead. He was dead inside, and killing Kate wasn't going to bring Ana back. Nothing could bring her...his mind fired into action and he forgot Kate, and Sawyer, and Sara...all he thought about was the Time Chamber; he could go into the time chamber and change it. And this time he would, because he wanted it. He _wanted_ it, and this time it would work.

Ana's body was limp and still a little warm as he scooped her up into his arms; he didn't speak until he got to the edge of the woods, and he turned back, glaring at Kate. "I won't forget this. We'll be back for you." his eyes blazed and Kate had to restrain Sawyer from going after him again as he said, "_I'll_ be back for you." He turned and disappeared into the trees, carrying Ana's lifeless body in his arms.


	109. Chapter 109

**Chapter 109**  
Kate watched them go then turned to Sawyer; he winced at the gash across her face and he reached out to her but she pulled away. "Sara." He glanced at her and blanched; she was standing, but blood had seeped down her pant leg and she was pale and wobbling as she stared after Jack in shock and fear. She jumped as Sawyer touched her shoulder and the movement almost made her collapse; he held her up, then gently touched the furrow in her hip, and it was gone. A little color returned to her cheeks but she was still wan and weak and she sat with a thump when he was done, staring at the bloody pool where Ana had been lying.

Kate was watching Sara sadly, as if she knew that their friendship was over; she lost everyone she loved, eventually, either by chance or by her own hand and it shouldn't have pained her so much that she'd lose Sara too, she should have expected it. Just like James; suddenly she knew that he was going to die and she couldn't stop it, it was in her stars, her fortune that she would lose him, just like everyone else. She gripped her stomach, her fingers digging into the skin until her fingernails drew blood; there was someone she loved that she wouldn't lose and as Sawyer came to her she crushed herself to him, wrapping her arms around him and burying her face in his shoulder. "James...I..." she dissolved into sobs and he enveloped her, trying to soothe her as she cried, her tears warm against his skin.

Sara seemed to come back to herself, finally, and she rose shakily, dragging her eyes to Kate and Sawyer, wrapped together as Kate's shoulders shook violently. Vincent was beside her, too, his howling done as he stared miserably at the ground, and she scratched his ears a little. He glanced up but didn't move, or wag his tail, he just sat, looking dejected. She patted him again, then hesitated before approaching Kate and Sawyer; she didn't want to intrude but she had to thank Kate for saving her life. "Kate?"

Sawyer's arm was close around her and she didn't want to look up, she didn't want to see the fear and revulsion that always ended her relationships in Sara's eyes; she couldn't bear it, not now. She kept her face buried in Sawyer's shirt as she answered with a muffled, "What?"

Sara touched Kate's back, gently, and smiled at Sawyer. He was cradling Kate against him and he smiled back, gently whispering in her ear; she shuddered one last sob, then wiped her tear-streaked face across his shirt as she turned to Sara with fear and apprehension, scared of what she would see.

Sara saw the fear in Kate's eyes and she was a little surprised at it. "Thank you, Kate. You saved me. She would have killed me...if...if you hadn't shot her."

It was a new experience; someone was glad for what she did, she wasn't hated and it was a first for Kate. She smiled, a little uncertainly, reminding herself of Sawyer when he had come back from the Others, the doubtful grin he had given to Sayid and Hurley when they complimented him. Sara smiled back and they were in each other's arms, crying and hugging each other and Sawyer smiled, though he had that left-out feeling again; he didn't want to come between them, so he just watched as they sobbed together for a few more seconds, then Kate pulled away and she was _smiling_, her red-rimmed eyes going to him immediately as she took his hand and brought him into their circle.

Vincent woofed, hurt, and tried to slide between Kate and Sara, chuffing at them when they both bent down to hug him, too. As she was ruffling Vincent's matted fur she felt Sawyer slide his hand beneath her shirt, caressing the muscles on her back and she suddenly felt something else; her arms went around his neck and her mouth crushed against his with guilty ferocity as she used him to forget everything but _them_ and they were the only person on the planet. Two sides of the same coin.

Vincent rolled his eyes at them, chuffing softly to Sara; she averted her eyes, grinning with a little embarrassment as Kate and Sawyer apparently forgot she was there, getting a little more passionate than she she cared to see. She raised her eyes skyward as Sawyer groaned a little against Kate's lips and she didn't dare to look around, God knows what she'd see; finally Vincent went up to them and chuffed at Sawyer's legs but his hands were busy exploring Kate and he didn't stop or even flinch from what he was doing, and Kate didn't seem to have heard him either. He glanced back at Sara, his tongue hanging out in a grin and she swore he was laughing as he woofed again, a little louder.

It still didn't have an effect, and things were getting...well, Sara was laughing silently, though she was slightly mortified, too, and rolling his eyes at Sawyer, Vincent sat up and nipped him sharply on the rump.

"Hey!" he cried, grabbing at his rear as he glared at Vincent, 'What the hell is wrong with you?"

Kate seemed to come to her senses; she noticed Sawyer's undone button on his jeans and her own half-open zipper, then she glanced at Sara, who was smiling with her head averted and she flushed a deep crimson as she realized what they had been doing. "Sorry."

Sara grinned and kept her head turned as Kate buttoned her jeans, then motioned for Sawyer to do the same; he seemed a little surprised too, to see his open fly, and he beamed at Kate as he did them up, looking proud of himself. He leaned close and whispered to her, "To be continued, sweetheart."

Kate beamed back, the horrible bubbling guilt fading a little as she basked in the warmth and love of the two people beside her; they had both accepted her, loved her, flaws and all, and she smiled to herself as she slid her fingers along her belly, feeling it tingle at her touch, and she had hope again, that the child inside her would be able to love her, too.

-----

Jack carried Ana's body blindly, hoping that he was going in the right direction; she was growing cold in his arms and heavy and only adrenaline and desperation were keeping him going now, he didn't know how much longer he could keep going before his legs and his heart gave out.

It was dark and he had no light; even the moon and stars were muffled in the sky and yet he stumbled on, through the trees and brambles, the bushes and deadfalls, tripping and cursing and crying as she got heavier...and heavier...and heavier, until he had to stop, not even his drive could keep him going. She was _dead_, and he held her cold body to his as he sank to his knees, exhausted and spent and dead, too, but for the glimmer of hope that awaited him at the Foundation.

He laid her out, pulling out a water bottle and a t-shirt from his pack; he couldn't take the blood anymore, he wanted to clean her before they got to the chamber. As he lifted her shirt to remove it so he could wash the sticky mess from her his eyes narrowed; there were two holes in her chest, the shirt had covered it before. Kate shot her twice. He twitched with anger, but this was a totally new Jack and he swallowed it, letting it turn to hatred as he stared at the two gaping holes in her bare chest; he grimaced and jerked her shirt back down, covering the wounds. Why would Kate shoot her twice? It wasn't defense, or for Sara, Kate had killed her in cold blood.

In that instant his side was chosen; he went over, because he had to believe that the chamber would work; it was the only thing that was keeping him going, now, and he had to _want_ it. Kate had _murdered_ Ana, stolen the only thing he cared about anymore away from him and he was going to do the same for her, return the favor. He didn't even care about the baby; why should Kate get what Ana had wanted so badly?

It was quiet in the jungle and Jack sat next to Ana, cradling her head in his lap; emotional and physical fatigue dragged on him until he finally dozed, sitting up, with Ana's head growing cold against him as he slept.

-----

Hanso stood quietly by the bolted, padlocked door, peering in through the small window at Locke; he hadn't moved much for the past two hours, and that was normal at this stage, but it was almost time for the real transition, and it wasn't a pretty thing. He didn't remember his own, of course, no one did, but he'd seen enough since then to know what to expect.

As he watched Locke stirred, raising his head from the floor where he had been lying; his sweaty face stuck to the padding and he glanced around as he peeled it away, looking disoriented and scared. His face changed in an instant; it went from frightened and confused to fury and pain, and he screamed as the first real spasms shook his body and he convulsed into a ball, drawing his knees to his chin. It passed and he jumped to his feet, his eyes crazy demented and _lost_, he panted harshly for a second, then with a shriek of primal rage he threw himself against the padded door, his face smashing against the glass as tremors and spasms shook him again.

Hanso watched him as he did it over and over again until his face was bloody and his body beaten, he finally stopped and sank to the floor as the shaking stopped and the rage departed, leaving his eyes vacant and staring as he lasped back into lethargy.

Backing away from the window, Hanso smiled to himself. Locke was ready.


	110. Chapter 110

**Chapter 110**  
The fire was dying down; its glow threw dark, reddened shadows around the glade, making everything look like it was covered in blood. Kate and Sawyer were lying together, curled up close but barely touching and Sara and Vincent lay across the fire from them, already sleeping. They couldn't sleep; the electricity between them was pulsing and shimmering, keeping them alert, _awake_ as they lay, their skin brushing slightly with every breath.

Kate still had the gash across her cheek and the blood had dried, coating her face and neck in sticky redness; Sawyer had tried to heal it but she refused, wanting to keep it a little longer to remind herself what she had done, and why...and what the stakes were in this war. It hurt, and it was swollen and bruised but she wore it with a little pride; for the first time she had done something wrong for the right reason and the horrible, acid guilt had gone, driven out by the knowledge that she wasn't _wrong_, this time. A corner had been turned for her, her curse wasn't real, her stars were false; she was still loved, and they were still there, she hadn't lost them.

Sawyer traced his finger along the cut, making Kate gasp with pleasure and a little pain; the electricity was snapping and she suddenly sat up, standing and taking his hand silently as she kissed him, pulling him up. Vincent raised his head, glancing up at them sleepily before rolling his eyes and dropping his head back down wearily on his paws.

She led him into the woods and he didn't resist; he couldn't. His heart was beating like a kettle drum, big booming thuds as she found a spot and turned to him, grinning; they came together with a force that shot sparks from him, making the electric air crackle and spit as he kissed her and it was two-sided too, frantic yet tender, leisurely and frenzied and his hands were all over her as he groaned softly, "Kate."

She shivered and her hands left his shaggy blonde head and slipped down to his shirt; the buttons were being difficult as her fingers slipped in their haste to get them undone and Sawyer moaned again as she finally undid the last and pushed it from his shoulders, sliding her hands across his chest, feeling the fading scars that criss-crossed his skin. His hand moved to her cheek and he pulled away for a second, rubbing his thumb lightly under her deeply purpled eye; it was swollen and she grimaced a little as he touched his finger to it. "Does it hurt?"

She hesitated before nodding. "Yes."

Her shirt came up over her head and he leaned into her, kissing her swollen cheek lightly as his fingers wandered over her bare skin, drawing goosebumps from her as she grasped him closer; he was so warm, so alive, and her tongue flicked against his throat as she pressed her lips to it, feeling his pounding-drum pulse beating through his skin. "I can fix it, Kate," he whispered. "Do you want me to?"

"No," she murmured against his throat, "Not yet."

"Why did you do it, Kate? He could have killed you." His lips brushed her forehead as he hugged her tight, crushing her body, her warm, soft, hard body against his.

She didn't lift her head, preferring instead to keep her face against his skin, over his heart; she said, "If it had been me, if Ana had killed me instead, would you have reacted any differently?"

He didn't answer right away; the image of Kate, lying on the jungle floor with blood pooling behind her head swam up behind his eyes and it took his breath away, reminding him again just how unsafe Kate still was., how dangerous it was for her. The answer was easy, he just didn't want to say it aloud, didn't want to give it power, but Kate's lips had paused over the hollow of his throat, waiting for his reply. "Yes," he said, his voice harsh, "I would have put the gun in my mouth and pulled the fucking trigger."

Kate pulled back, looking at him with a horrified expression; her hand went to his face, caressing his stubbly beard and he leaned into her hand as she said, "Don't ever say that, James." Her fingers slid to his lips and he stared at her hungrily for a moment before pulling her mouth back to his. There was nothing leisurely about it, now, as the _need_ between them exploded into frenzied passion; within seconds they were both completely unclothed and Sawyer lifted Kate against him, holding her tight as she wrapped her legs around him. He groaned as he stumbled against a tree, knocking Kate against it as she moaned and shifted her position; he sagged against her at the sweet sensation of her sliding onto him and they stood still for a moment, leaning their heads together as they panted softly; then he moved, the frantic desire replaced by gentle, harmonious passion as they began to rock together, softly and gently.

The bark scratched her back, not unpleasantly; she grunted as he thrust a little harder, pushing her roughly into the trunk; his face was buried in her neck and he was whispering into her hair, saying her name over and over and she went rigid, moaning loudly as Sawyer grabbed the tree behind her, shuddering and gasping until he gave a strangled cry. A surge of power went through her, and she gasped as they cried out together, his hand spasming against the trunk behind her.

He pulled her away from the tree, her legs still tight around his middle, and they sank to the ground, their bodies twisted together; Sawyer leaned his sweaty face against hers, kissing the beads of perspiration from her forehead. She was smiling, softly, the horror and chaos of the night pushed away until later, when she could deal with it because she couldn't, not right now. All she could handle was him next to her, touching her, because she was afraid that their time was short and she didn't want to waste any of it; his hand wandered to her belly, cupping it gently as he kissed her sweaty, salty lips. "I love you, Kate," he said. "If...if it had been you I would have killed them both." He looked into her eyes. "Then myself. I don't want to live without you."

She held his gaze, not smiling. "I feel the same way, you know."

His fingers traced the marks her nails had gouged into her skin earlier, and he smiled softly. "But you have something else to live for."

They were quiet; he didn't speak as he held her, breathing in her earthy, natural scent, and drinking her exquisite beauty in. He was sorry because he knew she was pushing aside all of her feelings except for the ones that pertained to him, of course, and soon she would have to deal with them, magnified by time and events until they would weigh her down like lead. He hoped to God that Sara would be there because it was going to be hard.

Kate's eyes wandered to the tree, smiling at the delicious feelings still coursing through her, and she laughed, pulling Sawyer's face around and pointing. He chuckled too; the trunk was smoking a little from the handprint that was scorched into it. He kissed her, happily, and she settled into him, not even minding the leaves and twigs sticking to her sweaty skin; her nerves were still thrumming and sparking and she could feel his too, as his hand rested gently on her belly it began to burn a little from his heat, and he winked at her as he said, "Just markin' my territory, Freckles." He looked up at the smoldering trunk, grinning as her skin began to really burn, she pushed his hand away, chuckling at the red mark left on her skin. His dimples deepened and he whispered, "What you want me to claim next?"

-----

Locke had finally passed out on the padded floor; they all did, afterwards, the transition was hard but worth the sacrifice; after he was asleep they moved him to a bed in the ward. Hanso sat next to him for a few minutes, then he stood, stretching; it was a few hours yet until dawn and he would sleep until then, at least, so he had some time.

He could remember the first time he had been injected; he remembered nothing after the needle left his arm until the next day when he woke; he was covered in bruises and scrapes (they didn't have a closed room then, that was added later) and one of his assisstants had a broken nose and a black eye and he was _tied_ to his cot. Helpless, he had berated them, telling them to let him go, but they were scared and he didn't realize it at the time but he was different, something in him had changed and though it wasn't noticeable on the surface, it was definitely there, a shift in his person.

Enraged at their refusal to untie him he had struggled mightily, finally ripping the ropes in half with one jerk of his arm, and so strength was the first change he noticed. Then he began to _know_ things, just random, meaningless things would pop into his head, like something he had read twenty years before had lodged itself in his brain; he could read Dostoyevsky and retain and recite every word. Then came the voices; but they weren't really; they were the thoughts of everone around him, and as his power grew with more injections so did the voices and the distance he could hear them. Gradually his stealth increased and he became hazier, more ethereal, as did the others who joined him, eventually; and they didn't get any older. They aged, of course, some, but it was so imperceptible that after nearly thirty years he didn't look like he had aged more than ten.

He sighed, leaving John in the ward as she stepped outside for some air; the birds were chirping even in the night and he listened to their tidings, smiling. His plan had worked; Jack was coming back with Ana and Frank Sawyer was dead. He wouldn't miss that whiny, nasty SOB at all.

A man in scruffy, strange clothes came out of the Math Studies room and, seeing Hanso, made a beeline for him. Alvar put his musings on Jack and Locke aside and got down to the business of running the universe.

-----

They crept silently back to the camp, trying to be silent as they came through the trees so as not to wake Sara; she and Vincent were still asleep by the glowing fire, her hand resting gently on his neck with her fingers curled into his fur.

They sat together on the ground, their hands together; and Sawyer leaned against her, playfully. "I think Vinnie has a new girlfriend," he whispered, and Vincent opened his eyes, shooting Sawyer a blearily scornful look; Kate laughed softly and Vincent gave her a look too, then scooted closer to Sara. She patted him, gently, and turned her open eyes away from them; she was awake, but she didn't want to disturb them so she kept still, playing possum and trying not to overhear too much of their conversation.

Kate relaxed against Sawyer's smooth chest, since he hadn't bothered to rebutton his shirt her fingers had free access to his skin and she took advantage of it, running them along the firelit scars and ridges, kssing them softly as he held her, his hands stroking her hair. "What happened tonight, Kate?"

She didn't lift her head, but her lips stopped in place as she tensed, and her voice was...uncertain and scared as she said, "Ana came out of the jungle a few minutes after you left." His hands tightened in her hair as she continued weakly, "She blamed Sara for making Jack leave her, then she said that if she killed me she could get a second chance." Shudders racked her body as she said, "Then she shot at Sara and I shot her..."Her eyes were watering; Sawyer could feel tears trickling down his breast, "...in the chest. She didn't fall; she tried to shoot me but I..." She dissolved into tears again and Sawyer clutched her closer, "I didn't mean to kill her, James. I really didn't!"

As he held her he rocked gently, stroking her hair and face as the tears gradually stopped and her breathing became regular, and Sawyer noted with relief that she was sleeping. He shifted a little, to get himself more comfortable and he eased Kate down so her head was resting in his lap and she was stretched out; she moaned a little and he stroked her hair again until she calmed. It was good for her to get it out, the guilt was like poison, killing her little by little, and she didn't need any help with dying. It was living she was having trouble with.

Sara noticed the silence and she opened her eyes cautiously, rolling them around to see if they were sleeping; Sawyer was sitting up, Kate's head in his lap, and he was staring at her with a look on his face that made Sara want to cry; she felt like a peep, watching Sawyer with his guard so obviouly down, and so vulnerable, and she wondered briefly if this was a Sawyer Kate got to see. Or was this James? Sara thought that must be it; he was gazing at her with love, and fear, and worry...and sorrow. He bowed his head over her and whispered and Sara realized with a start that he was _praying_ over her, and a tear slid down his cheek as he bent and kissed her bruised and swollen cheek. His look changed to one of joy as he slid his hand across her stomach, caressing it and staring at it with wonder and amazement. And longing.

Sara was ashamed of herself for watching; he thought he was alone, and his actions were private and personal, and Sara rolled her eyes away, closing them and pretending to be asleep.


	111. Chapter 111

**Chapter 111**  
Locke woke in a bed and he panicked briefly as he tried to move and couldn't, his legs wouldn't move and he freaked before he realized he was tied down and he started to struggle, but Hanso said from the corner, "Relax, John. It was for your own protection." He smiled and began undoing the gauze strips that held his arms and legs to the bed.

"I don't remember anything." As his hand was released he began working on the restraint on his other arm.

Hanso nodded, moving to Locke's legs and undoing the strips there. "Normal. Better that way." He touched Locke's face. "You beat yourself up a little."

His legs were untied and he stood, shakily, then he stretched and yawned, realizing that he felt _great_, alive and awake, more than he had ever dreamed of before. He smiled and rubbed the back of his head. "Wow."

Hanso laughed. "Yes." He leaned closer, grinning maniacally. "Beautiful, isn't it?" He was talking about waking up one day and being more than just an existence, being _alive_, renewed and reborn. "You can feel it. The change in you, yes?"

Locke nodded; he did feel different; clearer, more lucid but fuzzy around his edges, like he was made of mist that had hardened in the middle. "Yes, I do." He took a few tenative steps; he always did in the mornings, when his legs had the time to stiffen up on him and sometimes he was afraid they wouldn't hold him if he walked too quickly. After a few tottering feet he nodded, and he and Hanso left the medical ward, exiting into the courtyard.

Hanso nodded. "Good." He grinned. "Jack is on his way, with Ana. They should be here soon." He motioned towards the Time/Space room. "We'll meet him there."

John was confused; what had happened while he was out? "Why is he going there again? If Ana's with him."

Hanso glanced over at John; as he watched a ripple moved under the skin on his temple, though John didn't seem to notice, and Hanso smiled. "Because he wants to change something."

Locke nodded; voices were echoing in his head, disorienting him a little; he shook his head, trying to clear it but they only intensified, and he said, "The whispers are telling me."

"Yes. The voices of those who are here and those who have gone on. They leave their thoughts and knowledge behind for us." He noticed Locke shaking his head erratically. "You can't get rid of them like that, John. In fact, you can't get rid of them at all. You just have to learn to control them, only hear them when you want."

"How do I do that?" He had his hand against one ear, as if he could block them out that way.

Hanso merely smiled. "You'll learn, John. Be patient and it will come to you."

John nodded, wrinkling up his nose; something smelled familiar but he couldn't place it. "Do you smell that?"

"No," Hanso laughed, "That is just your sensory organs adjusting, you'll smell and taste things for a few hours." He put his hand on Locke's shoulder. "The drug is expanding your mind, John, to make room for everything you will soon know, and as some of your memories are being squeezed to make room they are...bursting, letting loose all of the sensory images that were imprinted there." He glanced aside at him. "Just out of curiousity, what are you smelling?"

John smiled, a faraway, troubled, bitter look in his eyes. "My dad, my _real_ dad, used to go hunting, and there was a time when we would walk the woods together, hunting birds." He paused for a minute, then continued, sadly, "One day he shot one and it fell into a thicket of brambles, and I went to get it for him; it had fallen deep into the thorns and I started to go after it, but he stopped me and said, no, a silly bird wasn't worth me getting hurt over. It was the first time I had ever felt...loved and wanted." His eyes turned cold. "But it was all a lie. That smell, it's the thicket. It reminds me of him, because he smelled of elderberries."

Hanso nodded. "I smelled the fish market. I was five, and my Da took me there. It was the last thing we did together before he vanished."

They shared a glance, then Hanso looked towards the door that led out of the Foundation. "Jack should be here soon. Let's get ready for him."

-----

Sawyer was standing in a bus station, which he didn't understand, though it looked familiar somehow; his eyes widened as Kate came in, wearing the Janis Joplin t-shirt and he called her name but she didn't look at him, instead she glanced over at Vincent, who wasn't a dog anymore, he was the angel but not so glaring bright. He was just a man, in robes and Sawyer thought it strange that no one saw this guy but he and Kate. Then the angel dissolved into the Marshal, and he grabbed Kate, slinging her against the counter.

Sawyer leapt across the room, swinging his fist at the Marshal but it slid right through him and he windmilled wildly trying to keep his balance, screaming at Kate to run, but she didn't react to him at all. He ran into the glassed-in ticket window and he gasped at Eko's kind face, staring at him from behind the counter. "Ed?"

_Hello, James._

Kate was being dragged out of the station and he saw _himself_ watching her, their eyes meeting as she passed, struggling, and his heart dropped at the look on his face; he was staring after her sadly, lovingly, as if the past Sawyer already knew his fate, that he would love her more than himself, more than anything else in the world, and that she would love him with the same passion and depth but that they wouldn't last, they _couldn't_ last. "Why can't she hear me?"

The walls of the station were fading into black space and he was floating among the stars, cold and alone; he cried out for Kate and the sky burst to life with a billion billion stars and they were shaped like her. They spun around and became Eko and he said, _You are dead. No one can hear you but me._

He screamed, struggling as he tried to move, somewhere, anywhere but he was in a vaacuum, he had no way to start. "Noooo! Not yet, Ed, not yet!" Panic set in and he began to thrash wildly, away from the starry Eko.

_James. Listen. To get past the beast you must cut off its head. Like the hydra, two more will sprout in its place, then two more, then two more._

He stopped thrashing as the sky dissolved into the jungle and he was before the Foundation; he stared at it with awe as a giraffe loped by, reflecting against the glass windows as it passed with easy grace. A man was walking out of the front doors, the bearded Other, and as he came closer he changed and Ed smiled out at him from the man's white coat and scrubby clothes. _This is the head, James._ He waved behind him at the Foudation. _This is the beast._

Kate and Jack came out of the bushes and Kate was pregnant, very obviously, and Jack had his hand on her back; Sawyer started to leap forward and slap Jack silly but as he jumped the scene changed again and he was on a cliff, overlooking the ocean; the wind blew his hair back from his face and the salt spray felt nice, he licked his lips, tasting the salt, it reminded him of Kate and he looked around for her, desperately. She was nearby, standing at the edge of the precipice and as he shouted for her she stepped off of the edge, disappearing from view; he screamed and ran to the edge looking over the side and he was _pushed_ and he fell behind her, landing in a deep cavern; he looked down at himself and he ws dressed in a frickin' toga, for God's sake, and even through his terror he rolled his eyes; he looked like a gladiator and to prove his point he found a short, broad, sharp edged sword in his hand. What? Be serious. He glanced skyward, expecting Ed to drop in, but instead a huge, dragon-like creature crawled through a crack in the cavern walls; it was the size of ten elephants and it started snorting and breathing fire, and Sawyer leapt at it, slicing off one of it's heads. Two sprouted in its place, and he swung again, and again, and again; each time two heads sprouted in place of the one he had cut off.

He stopped, frustrated; what the hell was he supposed to do? As he kept out of it's way, circling and dodging as it tried to get him, he noticed something. Not all of the heads were paying attention to him anymore, instead they had begun quibbling among themselves, biting and snorting flames. One head was killed, then another, then another, until none of them were paying attention to him at all; finally there was only one mortally wounded head left and as it expired from its wounds the creature fell to the ground with a crash that made the ground shudder.

He was at the chapel, and Kate was before him, in the garden, the riotous flowers in bloom around her; she lazed among them, laughing in the soft afternoon sun as he fell beside her, but he was Jack, and Kate reached up and slid her arms around his neck and Sawyer screamed, jerking awake as Kate shook him, hard.

"JAMES!"

He gazed around, wildly, relieved to find that he was himself, and not Jack in the flower garden; Kate was beside him, her eye ghastly in the pale morning light as she took his clammy, sweating hand. "Are you okay?"

He nodded, reality filtering back into his brain. Sara was eying him with concern and Kate touched his cheek as he sat up, holding his head in his hands. "Nightmare," he said, thickly, and Kate handed him a water bottle.

"Musta been," she said, kindly, brushing a sweaty strand of hair from his eyes. "You were flailing around like you were fighting a demon or something."

He nodded, taking a deep breath and letting it out as the terror and fear subsided. "A hydra."

Sara raised her eyebrows at him. "Hydra? As in Hercules?"

He grimaced in disgust. "Hercules?" His eyes rolled skyward. "You couldn't find a better way, Ed?" At Eko's name Kate glanced up at him, and he smiled. "He paid me a visit."

She paled. "What did he say?"

She was terrified and Sawyer realized that this was the Kate he was going to have for their last days together; scared, paranoid, terrified Kate, and he cursed the Gods for the unfairness of it. "He said I need to cut off the head to kill the beast."

There was more to it but he wsn't going to tell her, she could tell; she didn't press him, just laid her head alongside his, kissing his cheek. "That was helpful."

He nodded, his eyes faraway as he thought. "Actually, Freckles, it was." He came back to himself and smiled at her. "At least I know where to go now."


	112. Chapter 112

**Chapter 112**  
Locke and Hanso didn't have long to wait; Jack came stumbling into the courtyard, carrying Ana in his arms and John blanched at the sight of her bloody, waxen skin as she dangled limply in Jack's hands. He spun on Hanso, glaring. "You didn't tell me she was dead."

Jack was pale and weak, his eyes sunken deep in their sockets; he looked like he was the dead one, except for the dark fire burning in his eyes. He marched up to Hanso, ragged and wan and snarled, "You made me wait. You're helping me fix her." Hanso traced a finger down Ana's blood-spattered, waxy cheek and Jack jerked back a step. "Don't touch her."

Locke stepped up and said, "What happened, Jack?"

He stared at Locke for a minute; there was something different about him, but he couldn't be bothered with that now. He hadn't meant to fall asleep in the jungle but he had been so _tired_ and empty of anything that he just...quit. And he hated himself for it. He was still cradling her in his arms, the blood from her chest seeping into his clothes, and he motioned to the Time/Space room. "Kate killed her. I have to go back."

"Kate?" Locke was a little surprised, though he didn't know why; he'd always had a hard time reading Kate, except where Sawyer was concerned, and he knew she was a killer; he just didn't...expect it from her. "Why would she?"

Jack snarled, his impatience growing as Locke and Hanso just stood; they should be running for the chamber, getting it ready for him. The fear, despair, anguish- all of it was gone, replaced by fury and desperation and he snapped. "I don't know, Locke, but can we get going?" He started for the room but Hanso stopped him.

"Jack," he said, smiling softly, "Do you want her to come back like this?" He motioned to her bloody, dirty clothes and sticky red skin and Jack blanched; he had barely seen the blood, barely registered it; all that mattered was going back. "She's already dead, a few more minutes won't hurt."

Jack's eyes blazed. "A few more...those few minutes would have mattered last night, you bastard. Now SEND ME BACK!" The veins in his neck popped alarmingly and he gasped for air, about to fall over; Locke grabbed him and Jack recoiled from his touch, it was like biting on tinfoil, and he stared at Locke in horror, remembering what he had done; since finding Ana everything else had been driven from his mind. The weight from Ana made him lose his balance and they both fell, her cold body falling across him and he started crying, weakly, his hands wrapping themselves in her hair.

Locke was staring at Jack in horror. "He's mad."

Hanso stooped to help Jack, trying to pry Ana away from him as he said, softly, "There is madness in love, John, but there is also reason in madness." Jack struggled against him, still weeping feebly, and Locke bent to help untangle Jack's hands from Ana's hair. "Have you never loved anyone so much?"

Locke didn't answer, but he pried Jack's fingers away from her with a touch of gentleness. He felt a stab of pity for Jack, and he understood, really, how Jack must be feeling, to just find her, love her, then have her ripped away by the other woman he loved. The brilliance of Hanso's plan struck him; he knew that Ana's death would trigger Jack into irreversible hatred of Kate, bringing him firmly to their side. Even if he did manage to go back and change the past, bring her back, he would still loathe Kate, and want revenge; so much the better for them, to have another angry hunter on the trail.

Hanso was leaning over Jack, who was deathly pale and breathing shallowly as his sobs subsided and he gasped for breath; his eyes were glazed over and he let Locke take his hands away from her, though he wanted to scream as John picked her up, carrying her towards the medical ward. "Jack, you need to rest. You will never be able to do it like this. Now, we are going to take Ana in and clean her up, do you want her to come back bloody and filthy?" He was speaking as if Jack were a small child; and he was, he had shut down, mentally, he was just a blank, a void, and he allowed himself to be led to the ward and put into a bed, but as he reclined he saw Ana being taken behind a screen and he jerked up.

"Where are you taking her? What are you doing?"

Hanso laid a reassuring hand on Jack's shoulder. "We're cleaning her, Jack. Relax, sleep. When you wake up we'll go to the chamber, okay?"

Jack shook his head, rising. "I want to do it. I need to." He brushed off Alvar's hand and went behind the screen, turning his head aside in grief as he saw her, laid out on cot, eyes closed, like she was sleeping, but she was cadaverous and empty; there was no spark, no Ana in her, the body was just a husk. He looked at the two nurses who were bringing in hot water and towels and he snatched them out of their hands, snarling. "Get out."

They just stared at him and he turned to Ana, letting his fingers trace their way up her arm to her shoulder, and he bent his head, trying to gather his strength. He noticed the scruffy nurses still watching him and he shouted, "Get the fuck out!" He grabbed the closest thing to his hand, a glass jar full of cotton balls, and he threw it over their heads. They screamed and ran out as it exploded on the wall above them, and Jack turned his gaunt, hollow eyes grimly back to his task.

-----

Sawyer didn't sleep after the nightmare; he held Kate until dawn, when she woke, stretching against him, smiling up into his sweet blue eyes. "Hey, Tex."

He dipped his head and kissed her, deeply, and she sighed as he pulled away. "Mornin', Freckles."

She glanced around the clearing, then sat up suddenly almost knocking Sawyer in the jaw with the top of her head. "Where's Sara?" She got to her feet then wobbled a little as the blood flow made her cheek pound agonizingly, like it was being hit with a claw hammer.

"Vincent's with her, she said she wanted to make herself useful, so they went to get some fruit." He stood too, and she reached up, feeling her cheek and hissing as her fingers touched it. "Let me fix it, Kate." He caught her hand and pulled it down, hardly daring to look at it; it was still open and seeping a little and it had turned a nasty purplish red and black; she hesitated, then nodded. He smiled and touched it sweetly and lovingly and it vanished in an instant; kissing the reddened spot where it had been he slid his fingers along her belly, making her giggle a little and his lips moved from her cheek to her forehead. "I love you."

"I know, Tex." Her arms went around him and she locked her hands together, holding him in place as she said, grinning, "And I love you. So why don't you tell me what _really_ happened in your dream?"

He rolled his eyes and tried to pull away but her hands were grasped tight and she wouldn't let him go; he sighed. "Why do you want to know? It's nothing you want to hear."

"How do you know what I want to hear, James? There may be something to it, if Eko was there. Maybe he was trying to tell you something." She looked up into his eyes. "What are you afraid of, James?"

He glared at her, trying to break her grip but she was strong and he couldn't bring himself to really fight her. "Afraid of? I think you know the answer to that." He didn't understand how she could make him so happy and so angry at the same time, how she could piss him off in an instant and that made his ire rise even more as he snapped, "Do you know what he told me, Kate?"

She stiffened her arms against his half-hearted struggles; it would be just like him to lull her into a false sense of security with his voice and his eyes then make a break for it, and she wasn't going to fall for that. "No, I don't." And as she looked into his eyes, so cold, so scared and needy and she didn't want to know.

His hands gripped her arms and he squeezed them, painfully, cruelly, as he said, "I'm already dead." He shook her slightly, "And you can't hear me. You're _not_ hearing me."

She smiled, her eyes watering a little at the pain from his steely fingers, and she said, "Oh, I hear you. But you're not answering my question. _What are you so afraid of?_" It wasn't dying, he wasn't _scared_ of that; he didn't want to die anymore, but death had hung over him for so long he was used to it. It was something else, something that was scaring him into believing that his death was the best thing for all of them.

The hard look left his eyes and she saw for the first time just how frightened he really was, how unsure of himself and what he was supposed to do; he wanted to _believe_ that he didn't have to die. It was the look he had when she kissed him the first time, bloody, on his knees with his hands tied behind him, tortured, and he had gazed into her eyes, so scared, afraid that she wouldn't do it, afraid that she would. "I am scared, Kate. I'm so scared." He leaned against her and shuddered as she loosened her hands and began stroking his back.

"What is it? And don't tell me dying, because I know that's bull." She grabbed his chin, pulling his face to hers. "You want to live, James. I know you do. So why won't you believe that you can?"

He wanted to look away, her eyes were burning him with jungle-green fire and he couldn't break their hold; he didn't know how to answer her question and so he did the only thing he could think of, he cupped her stomach in his rough, warm hand, flicking his thumb over the half-moon fingernail marks she had left there, and he said, softly, "I'm _scared_, Kate."

She melted. "Oh, baby, I'm scared of that too, but that's why we need each other." She pressed her lips to his and he crushed her close, breathing her in as she said, "We're both lost, James, when it comes to this stuff, you know? But we've been finding our way, together."

All of his fears and worries came pouring out now that the gate had opened and he asid, "What if I can't do it? What if...what if he hates me?"

"Since when has that ever bothered you?" she chided him gently. "Of course he'll love you. What's not to love?" He was relaxing a little, she could feel it in his pulse as she kissed the hollow of his throat. "You'll be his hero, James. Don't you know that you're mine?" He groaned and kissed her, his concerns seeming silly through her eyes and he felt hope lift in his heart, hope that maybe he didn't have to die after all.

"I ain't no hero, Kate," he growled against her ear, playfully, and she could feel the weight lift from him a little. "Though I did get to be Hercules last night."

"Mmm." Kate considered and asked, innocently, "Were you wearing a toga?"

He grinned at her mischieviously, amazed as always at the mercurial state of himself around her; he'd been almost crying a minute ago and now he was joking with her slyly, playfully, as if nothing was wrong. He supposed it was the gift they both shared, the ability to push away things they didn't want to deal with until later, but when was later? He pushed _those_ unpleasant thoughts away and concetrated on Kate, beautiful, angelic, loving, ruthless Kate, who would kiss him then hold a gun on him in the same instant and he loved the mercurial nature that was in her, too. Something else they had in common. "Maybe."

She giggled. "What was underneath it?"

He glanced down, then grinned up at her wickedly. "Well, nothin', sweetheart. Just me in a sheet, holding my sword."

She burst into laughter, falling against him. "I love you, James. I swear I do." He chuckled too, holding her closer, feeling her laughter vibrate through him.

"I know, Freckles." He laughed again. "I really did have a sword, you know. It was long, and broad..." he winked at her, "And it's blade was sharp. I had to do a lot of head chopping."

She rolled her eyes, "Okay, okay, enough." She kissed him, softly, then said, "Are you going to try?"

He kissed her back with a hungry ferocity and she wrapped her arms around his neck as he whispered. "Yes." He couldn't refuse her anything, but he was still scared. "Together, Kate."

-----

He was alone with her, finally; he kissed her still, cold lips before he began his harsh job, beginning with her blood-spattered face. Soaking a towel in the warm water he dabbed at her face, cleaning away the crimson drops and smears as his other hand stroked her hair, and he moved lower, to her neck and throat.

He didn't think, he didn't want to right now, he just wanted to feel her beneath his hands again, alive and warm because this wasn't really Ana, this was just a cold, hard shell; his mind wandered back as he rinsed out the scarlet towel, back to her arms , rippling in the beam of his flashlight, and her hands, quick and light as they caressed his chest, her lips, soft and sweet on his, and the furious passion between them whenever they came together.

Tears were dripping from his cheeks but he didn't realize it, he stopped before he reached her chest; the shirt she had on was shredded and scorched but it covered the worst of the mess beneath it and he didn't want to look, not yet. He'd seen gunshot wounds before, of course, but they had never really affected him; he didn't know those people, he cared and he tried his best, as he always did, and it tore him up if they died despite his best efforts, but this was different on a level he couldn't fathom, and he was afraid he couldn't take it, he didn't have what it took.

He leaned his head againt hers;it was still damp from his washing and it almost felt warm, like she was alive and he had to stop himself from jerking back to check for a breath or open eyes; taking a deep breath he ripped the ragged shirt apart, exposing her mangled chest and he almost threw up; he choked down the bile and swallowed hard, wiping his hand across his mouth. Ragged breathing was the only sound as he tried to fight down the nausea but he was so tired and dizzy he turned , grabbing a small traschcan as he retched weakly; he sat still for a timeless span, trying to keep the bile down again.

He finally set down the can and turned back to Ana, prepared this time; he still felt sick but he pulled it together, so that what needed to be done could be. The sooner he was ready, the sooner he could bring her back, and he had never wanted anything so much in his life. It gave him energy and purpose, and he slid her arms gently out of the shredded shirt, easing it out from under her and tossing it on the floor.

He soaked a clean towel and began to clean the torn and raw skin around the wounds; he shuddered slightly as pieces of skin and muscle came away onto the cloth, and he rinsed it out, grimacing at the crimson water. As he finished her torso, taking a while to do it, he found a clean towel and draped it over her chest; he didn't like her so exposed, with no way to protect herself. He moved down to her belly, washing away the dried and crusted blood after sliding her shoes, socks, and jeans off. He cried a little, intermittently, as he touched her cold, stiff skin, but he kept on until she was completely clean of blood and he was shaking with exhaustion. He stared at her for a long while, then found a sheet in one of the cabinets. He kissed her lips one last time before laying the sheet over her.

The ward seemed like it was miles away; he would never make it and he didn't want to leave Ana anyway. He grabbed another towel, and lying on the cold floor he used it as a pillow; time ticked away as he slept the sleep of the dead beside her.


	113. Chapter 113

**Chapter 113**  
Jack woke, cold and stiff on the floor and his eyes shot up to the cot next to him; Ana's shape was visible under the sheet and he sighed with semi- relief to see her still there, he'd had nightmares about her body being taken before he could save her. He wondered how long he'd been asleep, and a voice answered his question. "About four hours." Hanso stepped around the screen, smiling at Jack as he bent and offered his hand.

Jack took it, groaning a little as his stiff, aching muscles contracted as Hanso helped him to his feet, and he went immediately to Ana, feeling for her hand through the sheet. "How did you know what I was thinking?"

"I know a lot of things. I hear them, in the jungle, in the trees, in the wind." He smiled at him. "You could too."

Jack glanced up at him, his hand still clutching Ana's through the sheet; she was cold and stiff and he felt vaguely nauseous at her touch but he couldn't let go, he didn't want to. "I don't care about any of your sht. I just want her back. So let's go."

He hesitated himself before letting Ana's hand loose; finally he bent and kissed her softly through the sheet, then he turned his back and followed Hanso out of the ward into the courtyard. Locke was waiting for them outside; since his transition he loathed being inside, it was unnatural and strange and he just preferred being out in the open air, listening to the voices as they swirled around him whispering secrets in his ears. He smiled at Jack, then went to him and rested his hand on his shoulder, making Jack wince a little at the sensation. "I'm sorry about Ana, Jack."

Jack flinched away from Locke's hand, replying, "Me too. But I am going to fix _her_ John, even if I couldn't do it for anyone else."

He brushed past him and stood waiting impatiently by the door to the Space room; as Hanso came near he pulled out his security badge, then hesitated as he held it over the lock. "Are you sure this is what you want?" He started to slide the card then paused again. "Do you know what the Butterfly Effect is, Jack?"

Jack was getting impatient and the last thing he wanted to hear was some pointless story but he knew he was going to anyway so he glared and said, "No."

"A butterfly flaps its wings in Central Park and in Hong Kong you get rain instead of sunshine." He smiled. "Everything you do affects everything else. If you go back and attempt to change Ana's death, there is no telling what the consequences may be." He leaned closer, looking concerned. "Everything happens for a reason, Jack, and the reason always finds a way. So my advice to you is change as little as possible; only keep her from getting killed, don't do anything else." He smiled, a chilly gleam in his eye. "Revenge can come later, Jack."

He nodded, solemnly. "Okay." Hanso slid the card and the lock popped open with a soft hiss as they entered the Universe, as the door shut the stars exploded across the room but Jack passed them by, heading straight for the Time Chamber and he shifted from foot to foot with growing impatience; he ached to hold her again, alive and smiling, and every second dragged on for an hour as Hanso finally slid the card through the lock and the room opened into the white glare. Jack didn't even bother to shield his eyes, he moved to the center of the room and waited again as Hanso and Locke opened the white walls and went into the control room.

He closed his eyes and imagined her, soft and supple against his body, her sweet arms around his neck and the ticking started, louder and faster until it was just a screaming whine and he was back in the jungle; it was dark and he was a little disoriented, he didn't know which way to run; finally he heard the long, drawn out howl, and he tried to remember which way he had gone after he heard it, and hoping desperately he was choosing the right direction he ran into the darkness.

He heard a shot and an agonized yelp, he tried to judge his direction again because he felt like he was going wrong, and he knew he only had a few minutes; choosing his best option he ran again until he could see the fire through the bushes and hear angry voices and just as he burst through the bushes Ana fired and Kate did, too, Sara screamed and fell and Ana, already bleeding and staggering, brought her gun around as Kate fired again, sending her sprawling into the dirt.

Jack screamed and ran to her, dropping to his knees; her eyes were open and as she rolled them to him she smiled, blood already seeping through her teeth. Her eyes lit up, weakly, and she moved her mouth but no sound came out, just a sucking, squelching noise from her chest, and she coughed a little, sending bloody drops spraying all over him; he leaned close, kissing her and holding her and he could hear her faint whisper, "Love...you...Jack..." She coughed one last time and the light in her eyes died as she sighed out her last breath.

He screamed at the sky, then forgetting Hanso's admonition he jumped up, pulling his gun on a shocked and horrified Kate, but before he could pull the trigger he was back in the chamber, the white light searing his eyes as he opened them furiously. He ran to the white walls covering the control room and he pounded on them, screaming. "It didn't work! Why the fuck didn't it work?"

Hanso glanced at Locke as they heard the pounding on the walls and Jack's muffles shrieks. "I guess it didn't work," Locke said dryly, and Hanso shook his head.

"No," he said, "Not this time." He smiled and Locke grinned back. "Time is a like a woman, John; she comes and goes as she pleases and she doesn't take kindly to interference in her affairs. Sending Jack back is dangerous, in the sense that he could change things, damage them, but in this case the ends are worth the means." He chuckled. "Every time I send him back he's going to hate Kate more and more, until he will kill her the first time he lays eyes on her."

Locke didn't smile; he wasn't concerned about hurting Kate, but something had been nagging at him ever since Hanso told Jack not to change anything but Ana's death; he cocked his head and said, "Why don't you just let him kill Kate, then. Why wait until the present?"

Hanso considered the question as Jack's hammering grew louder and more insistent. "Because that is not her time to die. If it was meant to be then it would have happened. Killing her in the past, now, would upset the present, and there is no telling in what way. Sawyer could have gone crazy at her death and killed all of us, so we would cease to exist instantaneously. Kate might be needed for something, and if we go back and take her out before she is needed for that something, then we have lost, too." he nodded. "Everything happens for a reason, John. If Kate was meant to be dead by now she would be." He glanced at the white walls as Jack kept up his merciless pounding. "Ana should be dead. It was her time. But we need Jack to be on our side, Locke, so we are playing God, just this once." He pressed a button and the walls slid open, revealing a blood-splattered Jack, his face twisted into fury as he screamed at them through the glass.

"Why didn't it work? I _wanted_ it, you son of a bitch, so WHY DIDN'T IT WORK?" As Hanso came out of the door Jack hit him like a truck, knocking him into the glass with him arm across his throat. "I had to WATCH it, you bastard, and I was too late." All of the grief from the past hours crushed onto him as he remembered seeing the bullet slam into her chest, knocking her backwards, Kate's cold, steely gaze as she pulled the trigger, but worst of all, the worst thing of all, she _had_ fired first. And she had swung the gun at Kate. He coudn't find it in himself to make a distinction; he still hated Kate with every molecule in his body.

If seeing the aftermath of Ana's death hadn't been bad enough, seeing it actaully happen was a million times worse and he was exhausted again, emotionally drained, but he kept his arm across Hanso's windpipe as he tried to croak, 'It's...not always perfect...Jack." He tried to draw air but Jack's elbow was pressing painfully into his windpipe, cutting off his oxygen.

Jack's eyes were crazy as he said, "How do I fix it?" He pushed his elbow down harder. "HOW?"

The world was hazing away and Hanso had enough; he put his hand around Jack's wrist and crushed his hand into a fist and Jack let go, shouting with pain as his wrist bones ground together, cracking ominously before Hanso let go. "You try again, Jack. And again, and again, if you're sure this is what you want."

Jack rubbed his wrist, gazing at Hanso with loathing. "Then I guess we try again."

-----

Sara returned from fruit gathetring to find Kate and Sawyer standing, heads together as they whispered quietly and Sawyer had his hand protectively over her stomach; they laughed together and he glanced up as Vincent came barrelling through the trees, barking and yipping excitedly.

Kate's face broke into a wide grin as Sara followed him with a bag slung over her shoulder, smiling herself at the picture Kate and Sawyer painted, smiling, happy, in love; it was beautiful to see and she was glad she was there, in the warm sunshine, basking in the warm love that filled the glade. "How'd the hunting go?"

Sara grinned proudly; she wasn't a very good climber but she had managed well enough; it made her feel useful, helpful and she liked the feeling. She had never had it with Jack, of course, and her husband now took care of everything at home; the only useful thing she had was her career and while it was satisfying none of those kids _needed_ her. She handed the bag to Kate, grinning from ear to ear as she peeked inside. "Is that good?"

Kate laughed and closed the bag, holding it in one hand as she hugged Sara with the other. "It's great." She glanced down at Sara's hip, eyeing the bloodstains that ran almost to her knee. "How is it?"

She shrugged. "Fine. Not even a twinge." Her hand touched Kate's cheek, gently. "I can't believe he did that," she whispered, remembering the look in Jack's eyes as he pistol whipped Kate, "It wasn't your fault."

Kate smiled a little as Sara dropped her hand from her reddened cheek; Vincent bounced up onto her and she scratched his ears as she said, "Well, Jack wasn't himself." Vincent barked and moved his head to Sara, who smiled and scratched his ears too.

Sawyer stood apart from them, feeling a little left out; he was slowly getting used to Sara being around, not that he didn't like her, he loved her for Kate's sake, he was just so used to being alone with Kate that it was hard to adjust. He'd never been that social of a guy anyway, never much into groups because he never felt like he belonged; even on the Island he'd tried to fit in, for Kate, but he hadn't had much success and he kicked himself now, because he wanted to be a part of their little group and he didn't know how to go about it. It was like he had to wait for an invitation, even though he knew that was crazy; he wanted to know that they _wanted_ him to join, that he wouldn't be unwelcome in their circle.

"No," Sara said softly, "He wasn't." Glancing up at the bright blue sky she added, "He really loves her."

Kate nodded, glancing at Sawyer and she had to stifle a grin at his insecurity; he obviously wanted to be included and she took pity on him. "James, what are you doing? Come get some fruit."

The smile that broke across his face was worth it; he beamed as he came to her, kissing her lightly on her freckled nose as she took out three mangoes, handing one to Sawyer, one to Sara and keeping the third for herself. She handed Sawyer her knife and he sliced his mango in half, then took Sara's and cut hers, grinning as he handed the knife back to Kate. "Thanks, sweetheart."

She raised her eyebrows as she looked at the knife and her own intact fruit; he was smirking slightly as she adopted his drawl and said, "Well, now, sweetcheeks, that wasn't very gentlemanly of you."

His heart skipped as she smirked back; God, she was beautiful; he didn't see how it could possibly be but with every second he looked at her she became more and more exquisite, more heavenly and he expected her to sprout wings and fly away at any second. Trying to calm his suddenly racing pulse he said, mimicking Kate, "Well, Sara went and got the fruit. What the heck did you do? You've been sitting here on your lazy rump letting everyone else do the work." He grinned, shaking his head in mock disappointment as he added, "Parasite."

She smacked him on the arm, laughing. "I don't sound like that."

He handed her half of his mango, looking contrite. "Truce, Freckles?" She eyed him for a second then took the half he was offering, smiling so sweetly he thought his heart was going to stop; as he was staring at her her hand snaked up to his and snatched the other half of the fruit out of his slack fingers. "Hey!"

She skipped back a few steps, glancing at a smiling Sara as he advanced on her, growling playfully; the sound of his low, gently rolling voice made her shiver and her legs weakened for a second and Sawyer took the advantage, lunging at her as Vincent stepped nonchalantly between his legs, tripping him and sending him sprawling into the dirt.

Kate burst into laughter, as did Sara, Vincent sat on his haunches, tongue lolling out as he looked proud of himself and even Sawyer chuckled a little as he leapt back to his feet, advancing on a nervously giggling Kate again. He shook his head at her, smiling, "So, that's how it is, huh? Everyone against poor James."

Kate smirked as he moved slowly closer and she lifted his piece of mango and took a huge bite, slurping the pulp with gusto as he leapt again and she squealed and jumped aside as his fingers grazed her ribs. "You gotta be faster than that, James."

Sawyer grinned at Sara and winked. "Nimble little minx, ain't she?" Sara smiled back and edged behind Kate who was watching Sawyer so closely she didn't notice. Vincent barked a warning but Kate didn't hear it and she retreated again bumping into Sara, who suddenly grabbed her arms as Sawyer jumped on her, digging his fingers into her ribs and making her squeal; Sara let go as Kate started to flail around, trying to get loose from his devilish fingers but she was laughing so hard she couldn't breathe so intead she grabbed Sara's arm and pulled her into the fray.

Sara's introduction into the mess startled Sawyer a little, long enough for Kate to get away and he let her, panting at the exertion and the laughter and Kate doubled over a few feet away, keeping her eyes firmly on Sawyer and Sara. "Traitor," she grinned and Sara laughed as Sawyer put an arm around her shoulder, looking devilishly at Kate.

"Hell, Professor's the only one here who is on my side." he glanced at her and winked again. "I guess I got me a new girlfriend."

She knew he was kidding but jealousy flared in her, just a little, at his arm draped so casually over Sara's shoulder. She smirked and Sawyer noticed the tiny change in her; she was kidding, but not kidding when she said, "Thank God! I was wondering if I was gonna be able to get rid of you."

He lifted his arm from Sara and the moment was gone; Kate relaxed as he motioned to her hand and she rolled her eyes at herself, smirking as she handed Sawyer the piece of mango she had squished in her fist. He eyed it then gave her a comically disgusted look. "Fresh squeezed. Awww, honey, you shouldn't have."

She shrugged, throwing off the 'compliment'. "I do what I can."

Sawyer rolled his eyes and dropped the pulpy mess, wiping his hands on his jeans. "I guess I'll eat later." He cocked his eyebrows at Kate and she just rolled her eyes at him again, then looked up at the sky; the sun was high overhead and she grimaced at the late start they were getting. He wanted to live, he wanted to be a part of their lives and Kate's acknowledgement of her own fears had soothed his, made them unimportant; now she was in a hurry to be done with it so they could go on with their lives and be together. Dread still weighted her down she knew that what happened from now on would be what was meant to happen; if the worst happened and Sawyer _did_ die she would know that he had _fought_ it, that he had tried to live for her and their son, and while his death would still be unbearable at least it would be struggling, not giving in, giving up.

"So where are we going, Magellan?" She remembered the last time she had said that, just a few weeks ago; was it really only that long? It felt like a lifetime ago, and she supposed it was, because her life wasn't the same one she had been living then. She was a new Kate, a different Kate, and she liked this one.

Sawyer remembered it too and his face softened as he smiled at her, he said his lines as he pointed. "That way."

Her heart thudded at the words and she went to him as she sighed softly. "Good choice. That's back to the beach." Her body was soft as she leaned into him and he caressed her hair, stroking the curls pulling them straight as she sighed heavily. "Where are we going, James?"

He put both of his hands on either side of her face, pulling her away a little so he could see her eyes; they shone with love, and trust, and hope and he kissed her nose again before leaning his head against hers. "Into the belly of the beast, sweetheart. That's where we're going."


	114. Chapter 114

**Chapter 114**  
They sent him back again, and again, and again and after his fourth trip Jack was a bundle of raw nerves and emotions; seeing Ana shot over and over, her blood spraying on him as she coughed out his name and that she loved him drove him to the brink and each time in his anguish he pulled his gun on Kate before being snatched back to the chamber. His rage had given over to frustrated tears and as he stood, shaking and crying, Hanso came out of the control room and put his hand on Jack's shoulder before he threw it off violently. "Jack, maybe you should take a break."

He glared at Hanso with furious contempt as he wiped away a tear. His eyes were sunken and hollow and his skin was gray with fatigue and grief but he flared and said, "I'm not stopping until I have her back. You could help me out, you know. I keep going back to the same place and I can't get there in time, so why don't you put me in a place where I can DO SOMETHING?" His rage kicked in again at the thought of getting there just that split second too late; he tried yelling, shooting his own pistol in the air, anything to distract them until he could get there but it never worked; every time he came into the glade he was greeted by Ana shooting Sara and Kate blasting Ana, then the blood, and the words...

He made a resolution in his mind; this was the last time. Hanso said, "I'm not controlling it, Jack, you are. You want it, but do you _want_ it? Her? If you did you'd have her by now." He was pushing him dangerously, he knew, but he didn't want his joy at getting Ana back to diminish his hatred of Kate. It had become apparent, after all of the attempts, that no one on this Island was going to get to Kate but the Island had told him the secret, no one except for Jack; it was his destiny, the reason he had been brought here. So Hanso pushed, a little, getting Jack closer to the edge, then he added the usual words of caution. "Remember, Jack. Nothing but Ana. The consequences could be bad for all of us."

Jack nodded. "Yeah, yeah, I know. You tell me every time. Can we try again now?"

Hanso didn't like the look in his eyes and he leaned in, suspicion creeping up on him. "I mean it, Jack. You could do far more damage than you imagine, and not just for them, understand?"

Jack nodded restlessly, his eyes already far away as he tried to plot his course ahead of time, every second could count. "Yeah, Al, I got it."

Hanso sighed and went back into the control room and the white walls slid shut as the ticking began again. It graduated into a deep whine and Jack was in the jungle; he took off running as soon as he felt earth beneath his feet; the howl, more running, then the shot and the yelp and Jack pulled his gun, cocking it. _The last time._

He shot Kate through the trees before he even came into the clearing and she was on the ground, bleeding from her stomach as he skidded through the bushes. He didn't even glance at her as he scooped Ana into his arms, kissing her frantically as she struggled, pushing him away. "What the hell was that?" she shouted, conveniently forgetting that she had come to kill Kate herself. She looked over at Kate, who was holding her stomach in horror as blood pooled out of it and Sara was beside her, trying to staunch the bleeding with anything she could find; she pulled off her shirt and stuffed it onto Kate's wound, glaring up at Jack in disgust and fury.

"Ana, listen to me," Jack didn't even acknowledge Sara as he grabbed Ana's arms, reveling in the feel of her warm skin beneath his fingers. "They were going to kill you." He gestured to his bloodstained shirt and her eyes widedned as he said, "This is your blood. There's a kind of a time machine at the Foundation, I've been coming back to try and save you." She was looking at him like he was insane and he shook his head, desperately. "I know it's crazy, Ana, but it's true. I had to do it, to save you."

His eyes wandered to Kate, who was crying softly as blood trickled from her mouth and Sara was trying desperately to stop the bleeding but it was too late; unless Sawyer showed up soon Kate was as good as dead. She swallowed with horror as she realized even if Kate did survive she would certainly lose the baby. Kate seemed to be thinking the same thing and she said, weakly, "The baby...get James...hurry..." Her eyes rolled up in her head and passed out.

Sara stood, her eyes snapping with wrath as she advanced on Jack and Ana; Jack swung his gun up and pointed it at her, but Ana was staring in horror at Kate's prone, bleeding body and she whispered, "Baby?" A hundred lead weights dumped into her gut and she felt dizzy as Kate started convulsing on the jungle floor and Sara ran back to her, trying to keep her calm; her hand went to her own stomach, clenching the material and her skin in her grip as she gazed at the blood seeping from Kate's belly.

Sara snapped as she tried to hold Kate still. "She's pregnant." Glaring icily at Jack she said, "Was pregnant."

Ana turned to look at Jack, to see how he was taking it because she couldn't imagine that he would have killed Kate if he knew she was pregnant but the look on his face made her pale and back away from Jack in disgust. "You knew?" This wasn't Jack, this was a stranger; she didn't know the man who would kill a pregnant woman just to get something he wanted and her skin crawled as he gazed at her with love and fear.

"I did it for you, Ana, " he said, "They killed you. Kate killed you. I saw it happen-" he paled too and she felt a little sorry, but after losing her own child to a gunshot she couldn't imagine going along with someone who had just done the same thing, and for the same reason. Because he wanted something, selfish bstard.

"Don't ever, EVER say that you did this for me, Jack," she hissed, and she turned her back on him, kneeling beside Kate and helping Sara try to calm her waning convulsions. Kate's eyes flickered open and she smiled at Sara then at Ana, too. "Hi," she whispered weakly and her eyes began to glaze over; as Sawyer came crashing through the bushes with Vincent he screamed and fell to his knees and put his hands on her, frantically, desperately trying to heal her but it was too late; she was dead.

Ana had moved away as he went to Kate and Jack went to her side immediately but she pushed him away, disgusted at his touch. He didn't understand why she was so angry; he had to do it, didn't she see? He grabbed her arms and said, "Ana, please. I had to do it-"

His words were cut off as Sawyer's steel hand went around his throat and he snatched Jack's gun away from him and threw Jack aside, then glaring at them both he said, "Well, I hope this makes you happy, Jack." He put the gun up to his head and pulled the trigger.

-----

They were walking in the sunshine, the four of them, Kate's hand in Sawyer's as they tried to decipher his dream; he had finally relented and told Kate about it, most of it, he left out the part where he turned into Jack because it made him sick.

"Well, the bus station I get," she was saying, "and the beast and the head, and the hydra."

He smiled aside at her. "You just like thinking about me in a toga."

"I can't lie, Tex," she grinned, squeezing his hand, "I certainly do."

They were quiet for a second, grinning stupidly at each other as Sara watched and smiled too. They were so perfect, so...she couldn't even find the words to describe them and she was an _English_ teacher, for God's sake. They just _belonged_ together and Sara could see a change in Sawyer since the night before; he didn't seem so sad, so unsure and she was glad for him, that Kate had helped him find his way.

Sara said, "I think the Hydra is the most important thing he was telling you." They both glanced over at her and she blushed a little. "Sorry."

Kate smiled, "For what? Don't be afriad to speak up, Sara."

She grinned at Kate, loving her even more. "Okay. When Hercules battled the Hydra, each time he cut off a head two would grow in its place. In the myth he has a helper, his nephew Iolaus, who would burn the stump of the hydra's neck as he cut off each head until the last head was defeated." She glance dat Sawyer. "But he didn't want you to kill it?"

Sawyer shook his head. "After a while the heads turned on themselves, you know, bitin' and snortin' fire at each other 'til only one was left and it died on its own."

Sara nodded. "Absolute power corrupts absolutely, Sawyer. Cut of the head of the beast and the others will fight for the spot." She looked a little excited as Sawyer and Kate both nodded. "Kill the leader and the Others will take care of themselves."

Kate vanished. Just simply vanished as they were walking; no warning, no noise, just a blink and she was gone. Sawyer panicked, looking around for her in vain, how the hell could she just disappear like that? He could still feel the warmth from her hand on his and as he started calling for her, crying out her name he disappeared too, with a light POP! and Sara was left alone, stunned, with only Vincent left beside her.

She glanced at him and he seemed panicky too; that worried her more than anything and she sat down , hard, trying to figure out what to do. As she sat, petting him distractedly, he vanished with a POP! too, and Sara was alone.

-----

Ana gasped in horror as Sawyer's blood drenched her and his body fell into a heap on the ground next to Kate's; Jack grabbed her and as he did, Vincent groaned and convulsed then he began to shift and change and with a mighty glare of bright light Vincent split apart and the angel rose from his skin, spreading his silvery wings out wide and beating them with disgust as he stared at Jack.

He shielded his eyes against the bright light and suddenly he was back in the chamber and Ana was with him, naked but for a white sheet wrapped around her. She looked a little confused as she looked up at Jack but she could still see Sawyer's blood on him and she recoiled from his touch as she remembered everything. She touched her own face and brought back bloody fingers; willing herself not to throw up she said, "I want to go back."

Jack looked at her with disbelief. "What? How can you? It was you or her, Ana."

Her hand gripped the sheet around her middle and she said, "You of all people, Jack, should have known how that was going to affect me. You killed her and you killed her child and I don't ever want you to touch me again." She spun on him angrily, "I got rid of Jason and you slipped right into his place. Good going, Jack."

Locke and Hanso came out of the booth and Hanso looked a little perturbed at all of the blood; he shouldn't have pushed Jack so hard, it was an oversight on his part. "What happened?"

Ana glared at Jack one last time. "Send me back, now."


	115. Chapter 115

**Chapter 115**  
Hanso was beginning to feel panicky. "What the hell happened out there?"

Ana snarled, glaring at Jack. "He shot Kate, killed her." She still didn't believe it; she edged away from him as he gazed at her with crazy, blazing, soft eyes.

Hanso spun on Jack in a fury. "What did I tell you, Jack? I specifically said save Ana _only_. That was not Kate's time to die, and you've fucked up royally, DOCTOR!"

Jack's glare turned icy; he'd done them a favor by killing Kate. Wasn't that what they wanted? And Sawyer was dead too, wasn't that the whole point of them being here? "I _told_ you I couldn't get to her in time. You told me to take control of the situation and I did."

"I also _told_ you that revenge could wait. Don't you see? You've changed the past in a very drastic way; bringing Ana back would only have caused a tiny ripple, but killing someone entirely different will bring on a tidal wave, you stupid shit."

Ana glared at Jack; she hated him for doing what he did, but deep, deep down she loved him for it too. But it was unforgiveable; he knew about her past, and he should have thought about it before hauling off and killing Kate, especially knowing that she was pregnant, but as usual his impatience got the better of him. Something stirred in her memory and she shot her eyes to Locke as he smiled. _Patience is a quality in which you are sorely lacking, Jack, and one day that will be your downfall._

"Hey," Jack snapped, "I thought you wanted Sawyer dead. Well, guess what? He is. He shot himself after I killed Kate." He looked almost proud of himself and Ana felt sick; she was glad that she was wrapped in a sheet and didn't have her gun because she'd shoot-

"Why am I in a sheet?" She seemed to notice it for the first time.

Jack's expression became soft as he looked at her; she was alive. He had done it, saved them both. She'd come around, eventually, Kate had been a shock to her, especially the baby, but to be honest he hadn't even thought about her being pregnant; his every thought and fiber had been concentrated on Ana. "Because you were dead, Ana."

It suddenly dawned on her, she had been _dead_; for some reason being wound in a white sheet made it a little more real, like she was still partly a ghost, stuck between what was and what had been, and she realized that she _was_ stuck; she didn't want Kate to die that way but she didn't want to die either. Her urge to go back lessened just a little.

Jack noticed the change in her and he smiled to himself; he knew she'd come around. "I washed the blood from you myself, Ana." He moved a little closer and she didn't back away; his confidence grew and he said, "I wrapped you in that sheet. You were cold, so cold." His voice had dropped to a hypnotic whisper and Ana couldn't resist; she _loved_ him, and she hated him.

She backed away a step, holding the sheet tightly around her. "Don't, Jack."

He stopped and glanced at Hanso and Locke; their heads were together and they didn't seem to be paying attention to them. He shifted his gaze back to Ana, looking at her longingly, lovingly. "Don't what, Ana?" Don't touch you?" His hand reached out and caressed her blood-flecked cheek and she didn't draw away but her eyes widened and her breath sharpened at his touch. "Don't kiss you?" She couldn't stop him, it was like she was frozen with disgust and horror at herself for letting him touch her but he was irresisitable; she sighed as his lips touched hers and she let go of the sheet, wrapping her arms around him.

He had never felt anything like it before; she was _alive_ beneath his fingers, under his hands and lips and he had to restrain himself from ripping the sheet away from her smooth, taut body; he couldn't wait to get her _alone_ and he groaned a little against her. "Oh, God, Ana," he moaned, "I love you."

She didn't reply because she didn't know what to say; she loved him but he revolted her, she hated him but he delighted her as his hands roamed over the sheet and her resolve wavered in the face of his onslaught of kisses and moans. "I love you, too, Jack."

He sighed and leaned against her. "I never thought I'd get to hear you say that again." His arms tightened around her as he said, "It was horrible. I kept going back but I was always too late...I'm sorry about Kate, but she would have killed you again and I couldn't take it."

She tensed at Kate's name and pulled away. "I know, Jack," she said, as she withdrew from his arms completely, "and I know you feel like you had to do it." She looked away, at Hanso and Locke still huddled together and sighed. "But I won't forget it." Her eyes were sad and soft as she gazed at him for a second, then she leaned in close and whispered, "I love you, Jack, and I know that you saved me, in more ways than one. But this," she waved her hand at the blood from Sawyer that covered her face and neck, "this is going to take a while, okay?"

It wasn't okay; he _wanted_ her and he had done what he needed to get her and now she was pushing him away because of Kate? He flared angrily, though most of it was exhaustion as he said, "Well, what an ironic fucking twist, Ana. You used to get pissed off if_ I_ showed any concern for Kate, so now it's my turn to get pissed." He grabbed her wrist and jerked her close, his eyes shining crazily as he snarled, "Do you know what I went through today? I went through hell because heaven was in my grasp and I let it go, Ana, because I let _you_ go." He let go of her wrist and shoved her away. "So forgive me if I don't give a shit about Kate. All I care about is you."

Ana rubbed her wrist where he had grabbed it; she was a little scared of him, of the intensity in his eyes. "Well isn't _that_ an ironic twist," she said softly, "You used to care too much and now you don't care at all." She stepped closer to him, anger and hurt glowing in her eyes as she said, "I hate her, Jack, but what you did was beyond even me."

He sneered. "Oh, really? What exactly were you doing there, Ana? Because I saw you. You shot Sara and then you tried to shoot Kate but she beat you to it. That's why she killed you." Her eyes narrowed as she glared at him and he said, "So you wanna pass judgment, Ana? Because _you_ started it. I just cleaned up your mess."

She hated him more in that moment than she had ever imagined possible; she hated him as much as she loved him. "I _never_ would have done it if I'd known she was pregnant."

He nodded, then said, "But you didn't know and you would have pulled the trigger if you'd gotten the chance.You would be just as guilty as me."

She shook her head. "No, Jack, " she said softly, "Never as guilty as you."

They stared at each other for a moment; where had it gone wrong? Locke and Hanso broke up the huddle and joined them and Ana wished they'd get out of this room, the bright white light was hurting her eyes and she was getting a headache; fatigue was setting in and she was suddenly very, very tired. Locke smiled at her and said, "Are you sure Sawyer was dead? You saw him?"

Ana pointed to her blood-flecked face and grimaced. "I'm wearing him, John. Could we get out of here now?"

"In a minute, Ana. I know you must be tired." He put a hand on her and she recoiled from his touch; it made her fillings hurt and she tried to slide his hand away without being too rude. "What else did you see?"

Jack almost said something about Vincent turning into an angel but he thought better of it; they'd think he was nuts and to be honest he wasn't sure that he wasn't, he had almost convinced himself that the blinding white light that came out of Vincent's split skin was just the light from the time chamber as he re-entered it. "Nothing," he said. "Well, Sara."

Locke nodded. "Okay. I think she's harmless enough. We need to go get their bodies because Walt will want to see him."

Ana shrugged. They could go, Jack could take them. She was going to sleep, somewhere, wherever the hell they were. "Have fun. I'm taking a nap." She glared at them all, daring them to contradict her but none of them did, and she nodded. "Let me out then."

Hanso opened the door and she exited without looking at any of them, walking through the universe without pausing to look; her legs were weak and she was close to a breakdown as she stumbled out of the door into the courtyard and she breathed a sigh of relief; the air was light and warm and the courtyard was beautiful. Alvar paused next to her as she gazed up into the morning sky and said softly, "There are beds over there," he pointed to the medical station. "Go, sleep. Everything will be fine."

She wasn't comforted by his words and his presence revolted her but she nodded. "Okay." Jack and Locke came filing out behind them and Jack was looking even happier than he had before. He started forward to kiss Ana but she retreated and he stopped, a little hurt.

"We're going, Ana," he said, softly. "Will you be here when I get back?"

She didn't smile but her eyes were softer as she replied, "I suppose. I guess we'll just have to wait and see." She wondered what Locke had said to make him so happy all of a sudden but she had the feeling she wasn't going to like it.

He grinned. "Okay," he said, "I can live with that." He leaned forward and kissed her and she didn't stop him; after a few seconds he pulled away. "Duty calls." He turned and joined Locke and Hanso, and he waved gaily at her as they exited through the swinging doors.

She watched them go, then instead of going into the medical room, she plopped down on one of the benches, still wrapped in the sheet. The sun was sweet and warm and a strange chill still lingered in her bones; the courtyard was still and quiet except for the chatter of the birds in the trees and the soft, dainty breeze that stirred the leaves of the trees. It was so peaceful and calm that she was beginning to think that it all was a dream, she'd wake up curled up next to Jack somewhere in the jungle and all of this crazy, evil stuff would be behind them.

She dozed, the sun warming her as her the chill of death evaporated into the morning air.

-----

Sara was kneeling next to Kate's body when Sawyer leapt to his feet and grabbed Jack by the throat; she stared in horror as he took the gun from his hands then tossed him to the side. Sara was afraid he was going to shoot Jack; she didn't see it coming as he said, "Well, Jack, I hope this makes you happy."

She saw him swing the gun up to his head but she was denying it even as he pulled the trigger; she couldn't even scream, it was too much to draw in the air necessary to make a sound. Blood sprayed like a fine mist over all of them and she gagged, turning her body away from Kate just in time as she vomited, retching miserably as she heard Sawyer's body slump to the ground.

The world was shattered around her; the two people she had come to love most in the world, the two who lit up the day with their smiles and their jokes, and their _love_ were gone, destroyed right in front of her. And it was Jack. Jack did it. The sight of him made her nauseous again and she looked away; a bright white light lit the glade brilliantly as Vincent convulsed and transformed into the angel, flapping his beautiful silvery wings until Jack and Ana disappeared.

She turned her attention to Kate; her eyes were open and she was staring blankly at the sky as blood streaked from her mouth; Sara cried as she realized Kate's hands were still gripped around her stomach, bloody and raw, still trying to protect the baby boy she'd never have. She left her hands in place then closed her eyes gently, bowing her head as she did, crying softly.

_Sara, open your eyes._

The clearing was still ablaze with with white light and she squinted as she looked into the face of heaven; Vincent the Angel was hovering before her, smiling brilliantly, so brilliantly that she couldn't keep her eyes on him as they began to water even more. "Vincent?"

_I have to go now, Sara._ He smiled again, filling her heart with hope and she could suddenly _see_ him, clearly, and he was everything in the world, in the universe that was good; he was choclate ice cream and cotton candy, he was a cool mountain lake on a hot September day and a warm cozy fire on a cold autumn night, he was Kate and he was James...and little baby Joshua. She smiled and held her face to him as she basked in the benevolence and graciousness that radiated from his silver light. _But before I go I have a gift for you._

She felt like she should be panicking but she couldn't; everything was good and she just let go, let the happiness hold her for a while bacause what waited outside of it was too horrible to contemplate. "A gift?"

_Yes._ He pulled out three of his silvery feathers and handed them to her; they felt like warm weights in her hand as she took them. _Give these to Sawyer. He'll know what to do with them when the time comes._

"But Sawyer's dead." She couldn't bear to look at him, it was a horrible sight.

_Dead?_ He chuckled as he started to fade and it was like music in her mind, it was like cool water on a parched, dry tongue._ What is dead? It's all relative, Sara._ He looked at her, kindly. _I have to go. So here is your gift..._

She was lifted into the air, suddenly and brilliant white light split her apart; SHE rose out of Sara's skin; a beautiful, softly glowing angel suspended in the air in surprise. "What?" She looked frantically around the glade as she was in the air, she felt strange, ethereal; her eyes fell on herself, crumpled in a heap on the ground next to Kate, a bullet hole in her side and her body soaked with blood; her eyes were open and staring. "WHAT?"

_You are their angel now, Sara. My time is done, you are what they need. Tell them, if you want._

"But they're dead, Vincent." She was scared but deep inside she was calm and tranquil; it wasn't so bad, really.

_Are they?_ He reached out one long, silvery finger and touched Sawyer's mangled corpse gently, and a mix of blue lightning and white light bathed the clearing in a spooky blue glow. Vincent was fading but his voice echoed in her head, _The past must be set right before they can move on and the Foundation is the key. It must be as it was supposed to be._ He was just a shimmering mist now and the clearing was getting dark again; as Vincent faded with a whisper Sara found herself in her body, whole and unhurt.

"What happened?" She nearly jumped out of her skin at Sawyer's harsh, ragged voice. "Where's Kate?"

She dared a glance at him and shivered; he looked dead, dark ringed eyes and pale, haggard skin but he was whole and alive. She couldn't tell him about Kate, though, she couldn't bear it but he saw her himself and he gasped, clutching at his gut as he heaved and crawled next to her.

"Oh, Jesus, Kate," he whispered, pulling her body onto his lap, holding her close and sobbing into her hair; her hands fell limply away from her stomach leaving red streaks down her jeans and the blood trickling from her mouth smeared across Sawyer's lips as he kissed her, sobbing and rocking her back and forth. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

Sara couldn't bear anymore. "Sawyer," she said, and he looked up at her with an expression that froze her blood. She swallowed hard, holding his gaze as she said, "Listen to me. Vincent said we have to make it right, that we _can_ make it right. We have to go to the Foundation."

He didn't look up. "I'm not goin' anywhere. I'm dead."

Her touch was soft and warm on his chilly shoulder and he suddenly wondered why he _wasn't_ dead, he had shot himself, and he touched his head gently. No wound. "No, you're not, James." He looked up at the sound of Kate's voice and Sara was _her_ for an instant as she said, "The Foundation has the answer, James. You can still change it."

His heart started beating again as she dissolved back into Sara, then he asked, coldly, "How the hell do you know?"

She smiled sweetly and she knew what to do; she began shifting and changing until the white light burst from her like white-hot sunbeams; Sawyer gasped and drew back, blinded by her brilliance. "What? I don't-"

_**I** am dead, James. Kate is dead **now** but that can be remedied. Your path leads to the Foundation, and it is time you took it._

He looked horrified at the idea of leaving and he shook his head violently as he clutched Kate closer, like Sara was going to rip her from his arms. "No, I- I can't leave her here. Alone."

Sara dwindled back down into her body, her point made. It was weird but she didn't feel all that different, she was still Sara, Kate's friend and now her guardian. That was what _she_ had been brought here for. She put her hand on his head, almost as if she were blessing him. "She won't be alone, Sawyer. I'll stay. You go find the way to save her."

He kissed Kate's still-warm lips again, then he set her down, gently, and rose to his feet. "You won't leave her alone?" She smiled softly at the pleading fear in his voice.

"I promise. The Foundation." She pointed in the direction he needed to go and he stared at Kate one last time before walking uncertainly towards the trees.

He stopped just as he got to the tree line and he turned back to Sara, who had seated herself on the ground next to Kate and was pulling her head gently into her lap. "Can't tell me anything else? No other helpful clues?"

Sara paused from her task and raised her eyes skyward. "Yes." She said, "Listen to what the Island has to tell you, see what it has to show you." Smiling warmly she added, "If all of this time you have been living with your eyes closed, James, now is the time to open them."


	116. Chapter 116

**Chapter 116**  
They left the Foundation and headed into the jungle, Jack leading them to the clearing where Kate and Sawyer's bodies would be. He was in heaven; Kate and Sawyer were dead and Ana was his; the war was over. They had won and without too much of a struggle either. "Why does Walt want to see them?"

Hanso glanced at him before answering. "Because he wants to be sure."

"He won't just take your word for it?"

Laughing harshly Hanso said, "No. No, this is far too important for him to trust us."

Jack was confused; he slowed his pace and said, "Don't you control Walt? I thought you governed this place."

"I run the Foundation and our recovery efforts, and a myriad of other things, but Walt...well, I don't want to say he controls the Island, because neither one controls the other, they just sort of...co-exist. A team of sorts. He directs the Island as it steers him; they are a perfect symbiosis." He winked at Jack. "Another reason children are so much better at powering the Island than adults. Children are so easily led yet so stubbornly set; they mirror the Island and its partner. Two sides, eh?"

"So Walt is your boss?"

Hanso shook his head at Jack's black/white view of the world; one thing hadn't changed about him, he still didn't see the fine subtle grays. "Not my boss, per se," he said, "I'm more of a...silent partner."

Jack was quiet for a second as they walked, and he glanced at John; his eyes were rolling wildly in his head as if he were trying to watch something flying around his face but Jack didn't see anything. Hanso noticed too and chuckled at John. "He's adjusting. It really does take a while, to adapt to your new strengths. And to not have many weaknesses. He'll be a little out of it for a while." He glanced a little anxiously at Jack. "Are you _sure_ Sawyer is dead?"

Jack nodded. "Yeah. He blew his head off. Wasn't much left of it." He didn't show any kind of emotion at the memory and Hanso raised his eyebrows at Jack's coldness; it was a little unlike him to be _so_ detatched, but he chalked it up to exhaustion and rollercoater emotions. "If he is dead, then the war is over, right? And we won?"

Hanso didn't answer for a second, then he said, "Didn't Locke already tell you that?"

Jack smiled. "Yeah, but John and I have some trust issues. I'd like to hear it from you."

Hanso nodded, smiling. "Yes," he said, softly, "If Sawyer is dead the war is over. For now." His smile turned a little sad as he added, "There will always be another."

Jack nodded, excitement gnawing at his gut; he and Ana would be free, free to be together, do as they pleased with no worries or cares except for the ones they made for themselves. He could already feel her skin under his hands and her lips under his and he shivered with excitement as they pushed farther into the jungle.

John stopped, suddenly, his eyes darting wildly into the bushes beside them; he looked almost like he was _sniffing_ the air and Jack and Hanso stopped too, as he edged towards the undergrowth.

Hanso had seen this before, it was phantom smells and visions and noises, it would pass but they didn't have time to dawdle so he could sniff around for something that wasn't there. "Locke, come on. We need to go."

He shook his head violently. "But I _feel_ something, it's not right."

Hanso snapped, "Well an hour ago you were smelling elderberries so I wouldn't put a lot of stock in that."

Glaring at him, Locke backed away from the bushes and joined the others, but he kept looking back until they had passed long out of its sight.

The sun was heating up and Jack was sweating; he longed for the cool courtyard and Ana's warm body; he still couldn't believe that she was really back, that he had really done it. Hanso spoke beside him. "If he really is dead, Jack, you'll be a hero. You will have ended the war without much loss of life." Jack beamed, imagining the feel of the adulation and respect, and Hanso added, "But you must become one of us."

He shrugged. What did it matter now? He had what he wanted and if his sacrifice was getting some stupid injection then that was fine. As long as he had her he was fine. "Whatever." He squinted at a part in the bushes ahaead, and he nodded. "That's it."

They pushed through the shrubbery, and Jack's heart beat excitedly as he glanced around for Kate and Sawyer. They were gone. Nothing, not a trace of them but for three separate puddles of dark ground where Kate, Sara and Sawyer had bled out. Hanso gazed anxiously around, then glared at Jack. "Where the hell are they?"

-----

"Hello, Ana." She was dozing on the bench in the courtyard but his soft voice woke her; she didn't dare turn to look at him. "I see you have been keeping busy."

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to help, just like I always was." He sat next to her on the bench and she finally forced her head around in fear. "You and I used to be close. I always regretted that we drifted apart."

He looked just like his old self, big grin and burly black arms; he even had the Jesus Stick still in his belt. "Me too, Eko. And I think I've drifted a little too far." She didn't know what to do. She loved Jack but he wasn't the same person, something had shifted in him, and not for the better; guilt was eating her up over Kate, no matter how she tried to spin it. She had been the one trying to kill Kate in the first place, it was her fault. He was right and she was wrong so how could she pass judgement on his actions?

"It's never _too_ far, Ana." He paused, letting the beautiful sun bathe his face as he continued, "Jesus used parables to illustrate his teachings, like fables, with morals, and his most famous is the Prodigal Son. You are familiar with the story?" She nodded, smiling slightly. "There was a man, who had two sons. One was responsible and dutiful, the other was a wastrel and extravagant. He demanded his inheritance from his father while he was still alive, and he lived wildly, spending until he was dry. He was forced to take on many menial taskes, including the dirtiest of all, a swineherd, and he bore up beneath his disgrace, for he was too proud to return home to his father, to tell him how wrong and sorry he was, how much he regretted that he had lost his way. Eventually pride lost out and he returned to his father, prepared to throw himself on his mercy, to take his punishment, but his father greeted him with open arms, forgiving him without the boy even asking for it." He paused and Ana smiled at him. "When the older, responsible son asked angrily why the wastrel should be welcomed home and forgiven so, the father replied, 'It is meet that we should make merry and be glad; for this, thy brother was dead, and is alive again; was lost, and is found.' So you see, Ana, any sin can be forgiven. It _is_ forgiven, and all that is left for you to do is to get back on the right path."

"How do I do that? And can I save Jack too?" She paled a little at Eko's face. "It's too late for him, isn't it?"

Eko smiled kindly but it didn't quite reach his eyes. "It's never too late, Ana. But he has to _want_ to be saved, and I don't think he does." He paused, considering his words. "He thinks he is happy, Ana, because he has never really known it, but he isn't. You're the closest thing to real happiness he has ever known, and he will do anything to keep you," he leaned close, whispering to her, "but he will never find it if he loses his soul to get it." He stood, putting his hand gently on Ana's shoulder. "Set things right, Ana. Only then do you and Jack have a chance."

"How do I do it, Eko? I don't know what to do."

She started crying softly and he said, "Someone is coming to help, Ana. Expect the unexpected." He cocked his head to the twittering birds and said, "And he is coming. Perhaps you should meet him outside? He'll need _directions_."

In a flash she was outside, on the lawn on the Foundation, but there was no one around; it was still and quiet and she glanced aside at a movement; a giraffe stalked out of the jungle and crossed between her and the Foundation, it's lithe, graceful body reflecting in the windows as it passed.

Someone shouted and she woke up with a start; she was standing outside of the Foundation, the manicured lawn empty for now, and she jumped a little as the bushes in front of her rattled; her heart froze in fear as he stumbled from the edge of the jungle, glaring at her with cold fury.

-----

Every step away from Kate drained more and more of his precious energy; she was dead and he had no life in him, his spark was gone and he couldn't even muster enough hatred or any other feeling to make his heart beat with a regular rhythm, it galloped then stopped, then trotted then bolted, slamming against his ribs and into his collarbone, leap-frogging to his throat before thudding againt his ribs again. Every thought in his head was her; her bloody, still-warm lips against his as he kissed her for the last time, the limp way her hands slid off of her stomach, leaving bloody streaks on her clothes, he couldn't even muster enough energy to think of a good memory, the only thing he could see was her dead, mangled body that he couldn't save, that he couldn't bring back. He was too late; it was his fault, all of it; he left her alone, how stupid could he be?

I could've left Vincent, he thought, I could've run faster without him. If only I'd killed Frank right away instead of waiting...if only, if only. He hated himself and the only thing that kept him from throwing himself from a cliff was the thought that it _could_ be fixed, he could still save her. Like she had saved him so many times. He owed her that, at least, he owed it to her to try.

He wasn't even sure where he was going; his feet were carrying him without his attention because his eyes only saw Kate, his ears only heard her voice; all of his senses were filled with her.

Something rustled ahead of him and he jerked out of his stupor, sliding silently into the deep bushes and squatting behind a tree; a few seconds later Jack, Locke and the Bearded Man walked by, so close he could almost smell them.

"...Sawyer is dead the war is over. For now. There will always be another." Sawyer's heart stopped dead as Locke suddenly turned wild eyes in his direction, sniffing the air like an animal; he came closer, still snuffling and Sawyer prepared to leap out on him if he had to. The lethargy he had been feeling earlier vanished as he realized that _this_ was a threat to Kate, if they stopped him now he could never fix it; his powers were gone with her and he had no weapon; he would have to fight them with just bare hands, and while he had confidence in himself as a brawler, he couldn't beat a gun with his fists. The bearded man's harsh voice said, "Locke, come on. We need to go."

He was still advancing on Sawyer, sniffing suspiciosly as he said, "But I _feel_ something, it's not right."

His eyes pierced the leaves as he watched the Bearded Man roll his eyes and say, dryly, "Well an hour ago you were smelling elderberries so I don't think I'd put too much stock in that."

Locke gave one more suspicious sniff and turned, following Jack and the Other until they were out of sight.

Sawyer allowed himself to breathe and he sagged a little before he found the strength to pull himself together; he guessed they were going to find the bodies, only they'd be a little surprised at what they found, wouldn't they? A blazing, judgemental angel with a broken heart; he wished he was going to be there to see it. He was a little worried but as he stood in the bushes, quiet, not moving he began to hear things, whispers in the trees. It wasn't like the Other's whipers, he could understand these, faint though they were and they sounded like singing.

Then it wasn't just the trees, it was the animals too; the insects buzzed and swarmed in a strange rhythm with the wind and leaves and he could hear the birds singing in sweet harmony with every other creature and the waves from the ocean reached his ears, too, as he closed his eyes, absorbing in the music of the Island; the sweet jungle melodies. As he let it _into_ him he felt something stir because he could hear Kate too; she was singing with them and it made the music so sweet and soothing because he suddenly knew she was _there_, somewhere where he could find her and her sweet voice sang as one with the birds and the wind and water; he _felt_ her, physically, slide into him, become him and he was complete.

He _opened_ his eyes to the jungle and Kate was standing before him, shimmering like a phantom in the sunlight and she smiled, so dazzlingly that he nearly fell to his knees but her voice held him in place, rooted to the ground as she said, "Hey baby."

He was struck breathless, his heart stopped in mid beat, lodged against his ribs as he let out something between a sigh and a gasp. "Hey Freckles." He could barely finish her name before his throat closed and choked off his air; she was there, before him and he could almost touch her but he didn't dare because this was just a dream, if he reached out she would disappear and he didn't want to be alone. Not again. "Are you real?" It was half-sobbed, but his tears were bittersweet; she was so beautiful, so entrancing that he couldn't believe she loved _him_ and he knew he was the luckiest man on the planet, in the universe because he had her to himself, she belonged to him even if it was for so brief a time.

"Yes," she shimmered, smiling. "I am real, somewhere. You have to bring me back, James, if you want me to be your reality." A shimmery tear fell down her cheek and Sawyer reached for it automatically but his hand slid through her like mist. He burst into tears at his disappointment and she smiled sweetly. "I love you, James. I need you."

"Oh, Kate," he groaned, his fingers aching for her so badly they were curled into claws, "Please tell me what to do, _please_. I can't do this alone, we were supposed to do it together!"

She started to fade away. "We _are_ together, James, always." Her lips curled into a grin and she said softly, "I have a word of advice. Don't interrupt your enemy while he is making a mistake...don't interrupt them." Her eyes met his with a piercing gaze and he nodded; she started to fade even more.

He started yelling as she became fainter and fainter, "No, Kate, No! Please stay, PLEASE!" He fell to his knees, clutching at her fading feet, his heart shattering like glass, cutting him inside and bleeding him dry.

She smiled sweetly and placed her hand over her belly as she said, "Bring us back, James. We _need_ you." Her last words echoed away and she was gone; suddenly the jungle sprang to life but there was no music, no melody, just the empty, busy buzz of the Island.

He stayed on his knees for a while, holding the ground where she had been , or had she? She hadn't left him, not completely; there was a faint Kate residue on his soul and it was enough to give him life and purpose, and he stood, brushing his jeans off, and with determination instead of despair he started anew on his journey, alone, but never alone.

-----

Kate's head was growing cold in her lap and she touched the side of her face, gently, brushing her hair back from her forehead and...waiting. The sun was rising higher and though it was light it was lonely in the glade, with no Vincent, no Sawyer, only cold, empty Kate to keep her company; she wasn't scared, not at all; not much had changed about her since she...transformed, her feelings and wants were the same but underneath her earthly surface there was a sublime, tranquil Sara who knew all and could see all, though she didn't choose to do it. She didn't want to know.

She was relieved to hear fluttering wings and metallic hoots and Kotori flew by, dropping wearily onto her hand before he noticed Kate. His little bronze wings wilted and his eyes opened wide and he let out a long, low, sad whistle, before turning back to Sara and hooting urgently; she nodded and said, "How far?" he chirped a few more times and she set him down, carefully, before laying Kate's head aside with the same care as she stood. "We should probably leave. Have any ideas?"

Jack and the others were coming, for the bodies, most likely, and she didn't think it would be a good idea for them to notice that Sawyer's was gone; it was better for them to suspect he was dead, it would lull them into complacecny and security. Not to mention she wasn't going to let them put their filthy murdering hands on Kate if she could help it, and it didn't seem wise to reveal herself as anything other than Sara. So they would run; she smiled wanly, Kate would have appreciated the irony.

But how to move them? She _was_ an angel but again, showing herself to have any kind of power was proabaly a bad idea, and she thought for a minute before Kotori chirped excitedly and flew away. "Thanks for your help," she called after him, shaking her head at the little owl. She stood for a few minutes, trying to gather her thoughts.

She jumped as the bushes rattled ominously, it sounded like something big; Kotori came zipping out, hooting happily and Sara gasped as a giant black horse trotted gracefully out of the jungle, bowing its head and approaching Kate's still form. It nosed her gently, then snuffled her; suddenly it reared up, snorting and shaking its head in anger; it pawed the ground and threw its head up and down, it's mane whipping around like a black curtain.

Sara just gazed at it for a minute; it was magnificent and proud but as she reached out to stroke its neck it was as docile as a lamb; she kissed its velvety nose and said, "You know her?"

The horse whinnied, bobbing his head gently and she nodded. "Okay, then. Can you carry all three of us?"

He gave her a disgusted look and shook his mane and flicked his tail; Sara chuckled a little and bent down to Kate, hating the feel of her cold skin. She gently hefted her and managed to manuever her up onto the horse's back, it stood perfectly still, though it's nostrils dilated dangerously as the scent of Kate's blood reached them; a quiet black fire blazed in its eyes and it whinnied and snorted viciously as Sara hefted Vincent's limp, ripped body on his back too.

"My turn," she said, and the horse walked slowly and carefully to a large rock, being sure not to disturb the bodies draped across his back. Sara climbed up on the rock and gingerly slid across the horse's broad, smooth back, trying not to dislodge Kate or Vincent; finally she was situated and the horse took off at a fast walk, taking them deeper into the jungle and closer to their fates.


	117. Chapter 117

**Chapter 117**  
Locke was inspecting the ground, trying to unravel the story it was telling; there was Sara, her footprints were small and dainty, and there were hoofprints, all over, and the ground was torn up in some spots, but the most important thing was Sara's prints leading to a rock, where they disappeared and the horse's hoofmarks led away, deeper and heavier. The horse was carrying them. "Alvar," Locke said, pointing to the hoofprints leading into the jungle, "They went this way, on horseback."

Jack wasn't too concerned, Kate and Sawyer were dead and the war was over, they just had to recover the bodies to make it official and he had no worries that they would be found; Hanso's network of spies and jungle allies was extensive and they couldn't hide forever. It was Sara, after all, she couldn't do anything on her own, not really, he'd always been the one to take care of her. When she left him she went to her mother's and was taken care of there, and now, apparently, she'd found some other sucker to support and carry her. What was _she_ going to do in the jungle with two dead bodies and a horse?

"Is he dead?" Hanso was desperate to know the answer; he dreaded the wars simply because they disrupted their work so much and wasted their precious resources; and there was always the chance, always the one chance that they would _lose_ and everything would be destroyed anyway. "Is Sawyer dead?"

John said, sarcastically, "Well, I can't really tell that from hoofprints, Alvar. Maybe we should follow them."

Impatience was beginning to eat at Jack; he _told_ them that Sawyer was dead, he saw it with his own damn eyes, there was a trail in front of them, why weren't they _going_, already? He wanted to get back to Ana, he still hadn't gotten his fill of her; he never would. His fingers itched to be on her skin and to feel her life, the life _he_ had restored to her; it was intoxiating, the power of it. "Let's follow them, and be done with this."

John was already into the jungle, following the prints in the soil and the broken twigs and snapped branches; horses were easy to follow, usually, they were too big to be very stealthy, but this one was different; for a large animal he left a very faint trail and as they got further into the jungle it grew fainter and fainter until it totally vanished about a mile in. John scratched his head, smiling at Hanso as they stared at the spot where the tracks vanished, "Must be one of ours, eh Alvar? How else can a horse vanish and leave no tracks? You did have horses, didn't you?"

Feeling a little sick, Hanso nodded. If the horse really was one of his, one from the Zoo, then it was a bad sign; the animals were turning, going over to the light side, and the last time that had happened they had lost the war, almost lost the Island. He frowned at the blank ground, wondering if it was true, if the horse was his; he knew it was, of course, it was the only horse on the damn Island. "Dammit!" He swore, kicking at a stone on the ground. "Something is going on. The animals are turning; the war isn't over." he glared at Jack. "I thought you said he was dead? You said he was DEAD!"

Jack backed up, a little scared by Hanso's intensity as he advanced; he shook his head and said, "He _was_, Hanso, I swear! Half of his head was gone, there is no way he could have survived." He had a sudden vision of Vincent bursting from his body into an angel and shook his head to clear it; that was stupid, he had imagined it. "No. He's dead, and so is Kate. I _saw_ them. Even the dog is dead."

Hanso's eyes shot up to him at that. "What? Walt's dog? How did that happen?"

Jack shrugged, a little disturbed by the frightened, worried look in Hanso's eye. "I don't know. Sawyer brought him out of the jungle and he died." He gave him a slightly suspicious look. "Why so worried about the dog, Al?"

"Remember whose dog that is, Jack. Walt loves him. He will be very displeased about this." He seemed frightened and Jack's stomach clenched a little. He'd forgotten that Vincent was Walt's dog. "And still more displeased that we didn't find those bodies." He shook his head, sighing, "Something is not right, the war isn't over. Maybe Sawyer was not the one, maybe we are off." He knew it wasn't true even as he said it.

Locke glanced up at the sky, glimpsing the sun through the green canopy. "Only one way to find out, Alvar. We find them. Don't you have some birds around? Get up a search party. I don't know why we didn't do it before."

Hanso sneered, "Because you said you wanted to do it the 'real way', since that was what made it worth doing. I could have had spies in the air this whole time; now we're going to lose even more time."

Jack snapped, "Well, get 'em in the air, Al, I got matters to attend to, and I am not in the mood to have my patience tried."

Hanso glared at him, then shoved into his space as he snapped back, "And just who do you think you are, Jack? Who cares what you thnk? You're not even one of us, so don't presume to tell me what to do." He whistled softly, still staring menacingly at Jack, and two little red and blue birds flickered down landing on his fingers; he whispered to them softly, then they flew off in two different directions. "You think we're done, Jack? We _own_ you. We gave you what you wanted, didn't we?"

He was a little unsettled at that thought; he hadn't looked at it that way. "So what if you did?"

"Don't play stupid," he said, with disgust, then he sneered at him, "You know, sometimes I have my doubts about your intelligence, Jack."

Jack snapped back, "Well, I have serious doubts about your sanity."

Chuckling a little, Hanso quoted, " 'Truly great madness cannot be achieved without significant intelligence.' Henrik Tikkanen." he paused, then said with contempt, "Do you know what that means, Jack? It means I may be crazy as a fucking loon, but I am still smarter and _better_ than you'll ever be."

Locke piped up, "It's not his intelligence, Alvar, it's his patience. 'A handful of patience is worth a bushel of brains.'," he quoted back, chuckling at Jack's furious stare. " Dutch proverb. The Dutch are a very patient people."

Hanso chuckled back, "Indeed, John."

Jack exploded; he had ended the war, hadn't they just been praising him for it? Why were they on his back all of a sudden? "You can both go fuck yourselves, " he snapped, and they grinned at him, taunting him until he stomped away to the edge of the trees. "I'm going back to the Foundation, you two are on your own."

One of the birds red and blue birds swooped by Jack's face and he stopped, turning to watch it land on Hanso's hand and chirp excitedly; Hanso nodded and the bird flew off into the trees. "They're about a mile ahead of us, heading back towards the Foundation. If we go northeast, and go fast, we should intercept them." He glanced at Jack, who was still poised at the edge of the path. "Looks like we're headed in the same direction, Doc, mind if we tag along?"

Jack scoffed back. "Suit yourself."

Hanso was beside him before he could blink, his hand clamped around Jack's wrist like a steel vise. "Don't think I was askin' your permission, Jack. She ain't yours yet, not until we're sure. So if I were you I'd get it into my head that I wasn't gonna see her for a while." He let go of Jack's wrist and it began to tingle as the blood started flowing again. "Now, you were so impatient, let's go. The sooner we get them, the sooner you can get to bangin' your little _puta_."

Jack's fist slammed into the side of his head, snapping it to the side but he didn't stagger or even _bend_; rubbing his jaw, he turned his head back to Jack, giving him a scornful look. "That the best you got?" His fist lashed out and caught Jack square in the chest, knocking him off of his feet and sending him skidding across the ground, gasping for air as he clutched his chest where Hanso had punched him. "That was just a love tap, Jack. I could have caved your chest in if I wanted."

It felt like he had, but Jack didn't say a word as he climbed to his feet, still trying to draw a full breath; he turned his back on them and ran into the jungle leaving them grinning in his wake. They started running after him.

His chest was tearing apart; he was sure he had some kind of internal bleeding, or at least a cracked rib, but he wanted Ana so badly he pushed it away; he was going to help them find Kate and Sawyer's damn bodies so he could have her, finally _have_ her. He hated Kate even more, if that was possible, even dead she and Sawyer were keeping him and Ana apart.

He could hear Locke and Hanso a few dozen yards behind him and he turned to glance at them; they were running lightly, not even panting and he realized that even if his chest wasn't hurting he'd still be at least _sweating_ from the exertion, while they could have been walking through the arctic from all of the perspiration they were showing. He was going top speed but they were keeping up without even trying; it was a little scary.

He came to a sudden stop as he parted some scrubby bushes and came face to face with a huge, black beast with flaming red eyes; he fell backwards as it reared, kicking out at him with sharp, deadly hooves and he heard screaming as he covered his eyes, cowering on the ground, waiting for the horse to come down on him.

The hooves landed on either side of his head and he crabbed backwards, frantically, before the horse could rear again; Sara stepped forward and put her hand on the horse's neck and it calmed, snorting at Jack with flaming red eyes as it gave him an obvious warning. He glanced around the clearing and his eyes fell on Kate and Vincent, laid out on the ground, and he turned his eyes back to Sara, sudenly very, very worried. "Where's Sawyer?" She didn't answer, just smiled slyly, and he panicked. "WHERE'S SAWYER?"

-----

His eyes were cold and hateful as he came bursting through the bushes and Ana stepped back a few feet; she was still disoriented from her dream, if that was what it was, it was so real she couldn't be sure. He saw her and stepped up before she could react, grabbing her arm and jerking her to him. "Where's Jack?"

She shook her head, her mouth open in shock. "You're dead, Sawyer, I saw you pull the trigger. Jack is looking for your..." she swallowed hard, "...bodies."

"Obviously, I ain't dead, now am I sweetheart?" He shook her, hard. "Kate's dead, and Jack killed her. Do you love Jack, Ana?"

His eyes were blazing blue and she couldn't look away from them; she couldn't lie to them. "Yes."

He shook her again. "I'm going to kill him. I'm going to peel him like a fucking grape unless you help me bring her back."

She was terrified, and she rolled her eyes skyward. Expect the unexpected, huh, Eko? she asked silently, and she looked back at Sawyer, then nodded. He released her from his iron grip, relaxing just a little and looked around, taking in the manicured lawns and gleaming while buildings. "What the hell?"

Ana smiled grimly. "The Foundation. I haven't seen much of it myself." She hesitated, then said, "I'm sorry about Kate, about the baby." Her eyes clouded a little and her voice was ragged as she said, "I never...if I had known she was...I wouldn't have let Jack do it, Sawyer."

The anger and coldness faded a little and his stare wasn't as venomous. She had gone to Kate in the clearing; she'd been kneeling by Kate's side while she smiled at her, and he thought with a sad, guilty pang that Ana was the last person Kate saw before she died. It should have been him. "Okay, Ana." He turned and said, "I don't really trust you, Butch, but I am going to ask you a question." He paused; it was hard to even say her name. "What did Kate say before she died?"

Ana's lips curled slightly at the corners as she said, softly, "She looked at me, smiled, and said, 'Hi.'" Sawyer closed his eyes, picturing it; when he opened them Ana had a strange look on her face, fear and determination.

He sighed. "Okay, so what do we do? I don't have a clue where to start. How do I bring her back?"

Ana smiled; for the first time since meeting him she didn't hate his guts. She guessed she was seeing a side of him that wasn't often shown; probably no one but Kate ever saw this. He needed help. He was _asking_ for help from someone he loathed. "The time chamber."

He gave her a look like she was crazy; maybe being around Jackass so long had warped her brain. "Time chamber? What is this, Star Trek?"

She gave him a nasty look. "No, it's not. It's real, I've been in it." She leaned in close. "Kate killed me, Sawyer. Jack went back and changed it; he killed Kate first. But now I've got to set it right; I'm supposed to be dead, not Kate. Not the baby." She smiled hesitantly at Sawyer, putting her hand on his arm. "He made a mistake, Sawyer, and I am going to rectify it. Please don't take it out on him when it's done."

He gave her a look of grudging respect, though he still thought she was a little nutty; sighing, he said, "I can't promise that, Butch. If we bring Kate back I won't give a rat's ass if Jack lives or dies. But I won't go looking for him."

She held his eyes for a moment, then shrugged. "Okay, if that's the best I can get. One more thing, though, it has to end a certain way, Sawyer. Jack has to live in order for it to be right, so no matter what happens, you have to heal Jack if he's hurt." He grimaced and she said, "It _has_ to be that way, understand? If you want it to be right." Sudden confidence flooded through her, and she felt _good_ for the first time since they had split so completely from Kate and Sawyer; the Prodigal Daughter was back on the path and she had been forgiven without even asking for it.

Sawyer noticed the change in her and he smiled; she felt _right_ and he decided to trust her. "Okay, Butch, show me to the _time chamber_."

"Don't be an ass, Cowboy. You're so much more likeable when you're nice." She started walking towards the front door to the Foundation, Sawyer following a little behind her as he gazed around at the compound; he was stunned, first of all, by finding something so clean and _modern_ after having been in the jungle and seeing nothing but ruins and trees for two months it looked _otherwordly_ like it belonged to another place or time.

"I ain't ever nice, Cupcake. I'm just a little less of an asshole."

She laughed, nodding. "I like that. Funny."

They reached the door and Ana realized that there was an electronic lock on it; why the heck had Eko left them out here if they couldn't get back in? To her surprise, Sawyer pulled out a small badge and whipped it through the slot; it beeped on and the door popped open with a hiss. "Luck, I guess," he smiled, and they went in. They both were a little stunned by the inside; Sawyer recovered quickly when a young girl popped her head over the edge of the huge chrome desk and said, "Who are you?"

Sawyer hesitated, then sent a small zap of electricity at her; she froze and fell back, slumping onto the floor as the blue bolt struck her in the chest. He ran to the door behind her and tried to open it but it wouldn't budge; Ana slipped behind the desk and looked around until she found a small cylindrical button, as she pushed it the door hissed and unlocked. Sawyer grinned and bolted through it, Ana hot on his heels.

She directed him to the Time/space room, and he passed through the universe without glancing; he _was_ the universe, he didn't need to see it. Ana slipped ahead of him and waited for Sawyer to swipe the card again before she opened it, leading him into the stark white room. Leaving him standing in the center, she hurried to the wall and pressed a few tiles before finding the right one; the walls opened with a hiss and she went into the control room. She fiddled around for a few minutes, then said, "I think I can figure this out, it looks like it even has a delay on it."

He was getting antsy; he needed to get to Kate, he needed to feel her again; ever since seeing her in the Jungle he had been renewed, pushing his sad, unhappy thoughts away because he could feel her, inside; but the prospect of her, the real substantial, tangible her was within his grasp and he couldn't wait any longer; he needed her so badly he couldn't breathe without her. "Whatever, Butch, just hurry."

She pressed a few buttons and sharp ticking began as she ran out, closing the wall behind her; the ticking built into a loud shriek and the white light glared and suddenly she was in the clearing, her gun pointed at Sara and Kate's pointed at her; in that instant she made her decision.


	118. Chapter 118

**Chapter 118**  
His feet hit the ground and Vincent was in his arms; he staggered as the weight of the dog threw him off balance but he caught himself quickly and began running as hard as he could, because Kate was ahead of him, alive, and he could save her. Vincent was weighing him down but he didn't want to leave him; he pushed himself harder, the thought of Kate giving him heart, he was going to touch her, hold her again if he could just go faster. Vincent growled, almost imperceptibly, but Sawyer didn't drop him; he mustered his strength and raised his head, growling louder and biting the shit out of Sawyer's hand.

He yowled and dropped him involuntarily; Vincent hit the ground with a sickening crunch and he glanced back, guiltily, but getting Vincent's message. He pushed harder now that he could swing his arms and with less weight on him his feet barely touched the ground as he sprinted faster; he could see her in front of him, almost, she was guiding him on.

He hoped he could trust Ana, he'd never had reason to, really, but when she'd talked about Kate's baby he'd seen something in her, a yearning and sorrow, and it was for that reason that he was entrusting his and Kate's future to her, despite everything that had happened between them.

There was a shot, then another and a scream; his heart dropped into his chest and he faltered for a second but kept running; there was no telling what had happened. He tried to picture only good things because if he thought anything else his legs weakened and his breath failed him; Kate in the flowers, in the shadows of the aquarium, under the meteor shower, in the warm, wet ocean...he burst into the clearing, heart in his throat as the scene opened up before him.

-----

"WHERE'S SAWYER?" Jack was frantic as Hanso and Locke came up behind him.

Sara's sly smile was gone, replaced by fear and worry as she said, "Jack, Sawyer's dead. You saw him kill himself."

Hanso said, "Then where's his body? You've got _her_, where is he?"

Sara shrugged, still looking frightened. "He vanished. I was getting Kate up on the horse," she choked a little as she glanced at Kate's wan, still body, "and when I looked up he was gone."

Hanso snarled, "You're lying. Jack, get her, and Locke, grab the girl's body."

He sighed as Jack started moving towards Sara, easily, like he expected her to just walk up and give herself up; she shook her head and said, "You're making a grave mistake, Jack.' She circled around to keep Locke and Hanso away from Kate's body; she didn't want to have to resort to showing herself but if that was what she had to do she was going to. They were all around her, now, and the horse was stomping nervously, glancing at her and bobbing his head anxiously. "It's okay," she called over to him, "just stay where you are."

Suddenly, with a soft POP! Sara vanished; Locke lunged for Kate's body but it vanished too, then Vincent. Locke, Hanso and Jack all exchanged glances, then with a sudden POP! Jack evaporated, then with a last sighing _pop_! Locke and Hanso disappeared too, leaving the horse alone in the glade; he stared at the empty space for a few seconds, then with a snort and a toss of his head he trotted off into the jungle.

-----

Kate's gun was pointed at her and she had hers aimed at Sara; she made her decision and lowered her gun, tucking it in her waistband and smiling at Kate as she shrugged. "I'm sorry, Kate."

Kate lowered her gun, looking at Ana strangely as she said, "You're sorry?"

Her hand went to her stomach, clutching it as she gazed at Kate, smiling sadly. "Take care of Jack. He'll need someone." She hesitated, then looked at Kate's belly, and Kate felt _sorry_ for her, for her longing and despair, lonliness and love, and when Ana shyly held out her hand and looked questioningly at her, Kate nodded and Ana touched her stomach, gently, smiling as a tear trickled down her cheek. "I know that feeling, Kate. It's...beautiful, isn't it? That there is someone who loves you already, they don't even know you, and they love you. And the most amazing part, the most incredible, fantastic part is you love them too."

She held it there for a second; she could feel the life there, like she had felt it in her. That was what had hurt her the most about losing the baby, that emptiness, the hollow it had left inside; she had an angel on her shoulder every second of the day, giving her light and warmth and then it was gone, stolen away by the very devil.

Kate watched Ana curiously, as bitterness, then despair, then love and then happiness crossed her face, and she smiled as Ana finally pulled her hand away, backing up a step before saying, "Goodbye, Kate."

Jack's bullet slammed into her back, knocking her forward into Kate's stunned arms as Sara screamed.

Jack burst through the bushes and staggered like he'd been hit with a hammer; he'd made it worse instead of better. He approached Ana, propped against Kate as blood trickled from the corner of her mouth and she raised her gun, pointing it at him as she leaned heavily against Kate, who was staring in horror at the wound exiting Ana's stomach. "Don't bring me back, Jack."

Shock kept him from digesting what she said; he just gazed at her in dumbfounded horror as blood seeped through her clothes, dripping onto her shoes and he mumbled, "What?"

She was weakening and she wanted to know that he was getting the message; she didn't want to come back if it meant he had to become what she hated for it to happen. "Jack!" She snapped, weakly, and he focused on her eyes as she said, "Don't bring me back." He tried to come closer and she pulled the trigger.

He staggered backwards as the bullet crunched into his shoulder, shattering the blade and his collarbone and exiting from his back and he fell over, clutching at it as blood began seeping through his fingers. He rolled painfully to his feet and said, "Why, Ana?"

She cocked the gun again and said, "Because it will never end, Jack. Don't you see? Someone has to die. You brought me back but Kate had to die for it. Sawyer brings Kate back and I die for it. So you bring me back again, who will die that time? And then who will die for them? It goes on and on and on, Jack, that's the danger of it, don't you see? It's an endless circle and it has to be broken. I am going to be the one to break it." She smiled weakly but didn't lower the gun; she kept it steadily over his heart. "I love you, Jack. This is what's best. Don't bring me back."

His shirt front was stained crimson and his knees buckled as Sara ran forward and propped him up on her shoulder; he groaned, "Ana...please...I love..." his eyes rolled back in his head and he slumped against Sara, who eased him down on the ground as Ana began to cry weakly, Kate still holding her up. Sara joined her and together they eased Ana down and sat beside her, each one of them holding her hand as her eyes glazed over and she said to Kate, smiling, "I like...Joshua...for a name." She closed her eyes, her breath shallow and jerky, and when she opened them again they were almost empty, and she looked at Sara, then at Kate; smiling broadly and happily she said, "Bye." Her eyes closed and she was gone.

Sawyer came bursting into the glade and he stopped, horrified as Kate stood, covered in blood and ran to him, throwing herself on him. He grabbed her and pulled her away, checking for wounds, dear God she was _covered_ in blood, "Are you hurt, Kate?"

"No, no, it's Ana, she-" her words were cut off as he kissed her, clutching her to him so hard she thought her ribs would break; there was a desperation in it, a primal abandon and frantic fear that suddenly made her wild with desire and she knew he felt it too; he tensed and drew his lips away, burying his head in her neck and sobbing, "Kate, I thought I'd lost you. God, I thought...I..." his words dissolved into tears of relief and he put his hands on her belly, cupping it, feeling the warmth and life in her skin, under his fingers; she was alive.

"James," she whispered, "Ana's dead."

He shuddered and leaned his head on Kate's shoulder, his arms going around her as he glanced over at Ana's body; Sara was next to Jack, checking him frantically as he moaned and stirred. "What happened, Kate?"

"Ana came out of the Jungle a few minutes after you left. She was crazy, saying that she lost Jack because of Sara and then she stopped and looked kind of strange and said she was sorry."

She paused as Sawyer lifted his head and looked at her. "Sorry for what?"

"She didn't say, she just asked me to take care of Jack, then...James, I can't do this right now." She burst into tears and Sawyer held her tight, relishing in the wet warmth spreading across his shirt as she cried; he stroked her hair, and said, "It's okay, Freckles. You don't have to talk about it now." He kissed her forehead as her tears abated; Jack groaned behind them and he sighed. A promise was a promise. Ana had done her part to set it right, now it was his turn.

He pulled away from Kate, kissing her forehead and going towards Jack; as he did a voice flickered through the glade, _Wait._ He stopped and stared, transfixed, as a silvery comet zipped through the trees, bringing blinding white light with it, and the angel hovered before the three of them, beating his silvery wings. _Don't heal him yet, James._

Sara rose and joined Kate and Sawyer; Kate grasped her hand and drew her close as Sawyer said, "Where's Vincent?"

His wings beat faster and he said, _It's time for me to go. It's time for someone else to take my place._  
He turned to Kate and Sawyer and said, _You have found your way, James. You are on the path and you don't need an angel anymore._ He pulled three feathers from one of his wings and held them out to Sawyer, who took them uncertainly, feeling their silvery warmth in his hand as Kate smiled, remembering the three feathers she she had picked up the day Vincent revealed himself to her; they were tucked safely away in her pack.

Sawyer held up the feathers, questioningly. "What are these for?"

The angel beat his wings again and Kate felt a sweet, fragrant breeze fluff against her face; she felt Sara squeeze her hand in delight as the flurry brushed her too, and the angel said, in a deep, booming, lordly voice, _Thou shalt be visited of the Lord with thunder, and with earthquake, and with great noise, with storm and tempest, and the flame of devouring fire._ As he spoke the feathers began to glow, faintly at first then with more intensity; they rose in the air and began spinning in a circle until they looked like a little cyclone;thunder rumbled and lightning flashed and great groans and cracking noises rolled from the little tornado as the inside began to glow red and flames spouted from it and as the angel finished his words it died out, the fire quenched, the tempest tamed, and the feathers sank gently onto Sawyer's outstretched hands. When he spoke again it was his regular, sweet angelic voice. _You'll know when the time is right._

He flew over to Ana and stared at her for a moment, then he reached out a glowing silvery finger and she rose into the air, levitating as a silvery vapor swirled around them; he faded away into nothing as he whispered into her ear, softly, _Wake up, Ana, wake up._

He was gone, vanished into the darkness and Ana started spinning, faster and faster and she burst open, spilling white light across the glade, and SHE rose from Ana's skin, looking around and smiling as Vincent's voice echoed back to them, _Jack needs you Ana. you're his guardian angel now, help him find his way._

As his voice faded away, Ana shrank and slid back into her body, standing, alive and a little stunned as she found herself whole and breathing. She turned to Sawyer and said, motioning to Jack, "I think a deal is a deal, Sawyer." He nodded, still in shock, and he put his hands on Jack, absently, still gaping at Ana.

Jack spluttered and jerked up, looking around wildly. "Ana?"

She fell to her knees at his side, taking his hand. "I'm here, Jack."

His wild eyes focused and his hand went to his shoulder, feeling for the vanished wound; he gazed at her and said, "You didn't die?"

She smiled back and said, "Yes, I did. But I have been given a second chance."

He touched her unwounded body in amazement, then glanced at Sawyer. "Was it him?"

She hesitated. "Yes and no." She helped him up and they stood together, facing Kate and Sawyer as a strange ticking began to flicker through the forest. Ana looked at Kate and smiled, winking as she said, "We'll be seeing you, Kate. Sawyer,"she nodded her head at him, "it was almost a pleasure working with you."

He grinned. "Ditto, Butch." Kate eyed him suspiciously and he felt her hand clench his, hard; he was only half-smiling when he whispered, "I'll explain later."

The ticking grew louder and faster and with a soft _pop_ all of them vanished, leaving the glade empty and dark.


	119. Chapter 119

**Chapter 119**  
They were back in the glade where they had been when Kate vanished; they just reappeared, standing in the same positions and same places, like Jack's experiment had stopped time until it was put right; they were starting right where they had left off, only wiser. Much, much wiser. And Vincent was gone.

They all stared at each other for a second, then Kate smiled at Sawyer. "_That_ was weird."

He grabbed her, kissing her with fierce passion, he was pressing against her so insistently that her back was bending, and he slid one of his hands up into her hair, pulling her back up and keeping her firmly in place.

He couldn't bear to have part of her not touching him; the faint chill of her cold, gray skin still lingered in his fingertips, reminding him of how close he had come to losing her- how he _had_ lost her- and suddenly he _needed_ her, to know that she wasn't just a shimmering hologram in the sunlight; he needed to know that she was real, substantial; that he could hold her, love her and she wouldn't vanish beneath his hands. "Kate," he whispered, and pulled on her hands a little, trying to lead her away into the jungle.

She balked, partly because of Sara, she didn't want to leave her alone without even Vincent after the horrible night they had; when they vanished from the glade it was like she lived the next few hours in fast-forward; the whole of the time between the glade and their appearance here had been compressed into a split second, yet she could remember every detail; their lovemaking in the jungle, his dream, his admission of his fears about the baby, everything was crystal clear. Just far-away, as if it hadn't actually happened just then, as if it were an old memory being presented as a new one; Kate didn't like it, and she didn't understand it.

She had a feeling Sawyer did; he was trembling against her like a leaf in the wind, far too emotional to just be Ana or Vincent; something had terrified him, was still, and she clutched him, tight. "What's wrong, James? What happened?"

He didn't answer; he couldn't, he couldn't bring himself to say the words because that might make them true and he couldn't live with it again. 'Nothin', Freckles."

Sara said, softly, "You were dead, Kate. Jack killed you, shot you trying to keep you from shooting Ana." Sawyer was looking at her strangely and she said, "Being an angel transcends time, you know. You don't come back." Kate was gaping at her and she smiled, allowing a little white light to shine from her. "Yes, Kate, " she said, "I died in the glade...but death isn't what you think."

"I thought I _was_ dead. Didn't you just say that?"

Sara smiled again. "Yes, of course, Kate. But something kept you tethered to life, just by the barest threads. It wasn't your time...if it was right for you to die then those threads would have broken, but they didn't. It was meant for this to happen, for what reason only He knows, but rest assured, Kate, that you still have a purpose here." She spoke low, into Kate's ear so only she could hear, "The purpose of a woman's heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out." She smiled and whispered, "James 1:19." Leaning back again, she grinned at Kate's shocked, uneasy look. "I'm still just Sara, you know. Your friend. I still feel the same...I still have the same wants and desires." She stared hard at both of them, and said, "Ana does too. And for that reason she cannot be trusted."

Kate protested, "But she's an angel. Who better to trust?" She knew Ana had taken the bullet for her; she kept seeing it over and over, Ana stepped back from her, said 'Goodbye, Kate' and then was hit, falling against her; each time it ran through her mind she respected Ana a little more.

Sara paused, looking at Kate for a moment before she said softly, "Even angels can fall, Kate. It's why mortals are forgiven so easily." She reached out to Kate's stomach, and as she touched it, gently, she said, quietly, "Everyone deserves another chance."

Kate understood in a flash; her purpose was little baby Joshua. She was here for him, and Sawyer; they were the threads that had kept her tethered to life because they both deserved another chance and she was the only one who could give it to them. Hell, she supposed, Maybe I deserve one too. I give them their chance, they give me mine; a perfect symbiosis. She raised her gaze from her belly, where Sawyer's hand was resting, his head against her shoulder, and said, "Do you really think so?" It was hopeful.

Sawyer was only half-listening to them; he was absorbed in Kate, in the warmth of her skin, the pulse of life he could feel inside her and he had to restrain his hands from wandering too freely. She was leaning into him, pressing the length of her pliant, supple body to his and he was beginning to tremble with want and desire because she was _alive_ and he couldn't wrap his mind around the surety of it; he was still afraid she'd vanish if he let himself really believe it, like this was just some cruel dream and any second he'd wake up with a cold, lifeless body in his arms instead of the living, breathing, vibrant woman he loved.

Sara was smiling at them, at Sawyer, trembling like a leaf in the wind; she could imagine how he felt, to have Kate alive again, and she said, "You two, go. Please. He's going to explode soon and I really don't want to see it."

Kate laughed, because it did feel like he was a ticking time bomb and the counter was getting very, very close to zero. With a quick, semi-embarassed grin at Sara, she took his hand and led him away into the jungle.

-----

Ana and Jack reappeared in the time chamber, breathless and excited; their last few hours together had flashed before them, compressed into a split second, but they were crystal clear, and _real_, so real that Ana still felt flushed and worn from their frantic lovemaking in the jungle after they had left the clearing, intending to return to the Foundation.

They had been cold, at first, and distant; but Jack was aching for her, and she for him, and it was inevitable. As they stopped to take a drink of water and catch their breath, Jack glanced aside at her and his heart stopped; she was bathed in sweat and it glistened in the moonlight, making her shine brightly and he was at her side before he realized it, kissing her and she didn't resist. She wanted him too, as much as she tried to deny it or hate him; she loved him and that was all that mattered, right then.

Hanso and Locke came out of the control room, and Hanso didn't look happy; he stomped up to Jack and snarled,"So, I guess he isn't dead after all, eh genius?"

Jack stiffened and retorted, "I guess not." He grabbed Ana's hand and started to lead her from the chamber, but Locke stood in front of the door, blocking the exit. "Move, Locke."

Locke simply crossed his arms and said, "Where do you think you're going, Jack? We aren't done yet, you know. You have some _business_ to attend to, right?" He glanced at Ana, who was looking at Jack with a little apprehension.

Jack glared at Locke; he didn't want Ana to know what he was planning, he didn't think she'd understand, at least, not now. After she adjusted to the new him and the power that he possessed she'd come around and he would tell her the truth, but until then he didn't want her to know, it would be too easy to lose her again. "Yes, Locke, I do, but we can take care of that later." He shifted his impatient, angry gaze at Hanso, "Isn't that right, Alvar? Patience is the key, right?"

Hanso grinned, nodding at him; Jack was coming willingly, and that was best; if he had to wait a few more hours, fine, as long as Jack was happy he would be easier to control. And they needed Jack, still, since Sawyer was apparently still alive. "That's right, Jack." Locke frowned at that; he expected Hanso to back him up. "Now, you and Ana go, spend some time together. But I expect you back, ready to go on at dusk. Is that a deal?"

Jack grinned, nodding, he had the whole day to be with her, and he could tell she was excited too; her heart was beating rabbit-fast, pattering against her chest as she gazed up at him and he shoved past Locke, leading Ana out into the Universe.

This time she stopped to look at it; it was beautiful and serene from such a distance but she knew if she took a closer look at each individual planet she would see the same thing played out on each one; war, unrest, death, destruction. But beauty, love, faith, and goodness, too; such was the two-sided nature of the universe, the black and white of it, and she realized, as she gazed into a million suns, that the difference between good and evil wasn't so easily defineable; they were two sides of the same coin and in order for one to exist the other had to also; without evil there was no good. "It's all relative," she mumbled, as she stared into the swirling stars, and Jack kissed the back of her neck sending goosbumps down her arms and her heart started thudding faster.

She turned to him and his lips found hers as he trembled with excitement and...something else she coudn't put her finger on; the thought was driven away by the feel of his tongue touching hers, softly, then more demandingly and she gave in, gave up to him and they slid slowly to the floor as the Universe continued on without them.

-----

Kate led him on, quickly, her heart pounding in her ears as she felt the electric pulses from him through her fingers; she finally found what she was looking for, a small glade with a large, flat boulder on the shaded edges of it and a little trickling stream running beside it. His excitement and need was making hers build and she could imagine how he felt, seeing her die...and he had brought her back. The thought struck her hard; she hadn't really had time to adjust to the information, but now she got it, somehow he had come back to save her and it had worked. Love and devotion expanded in her chest, squeezing her lungs and making her breath ragged; as she stopped in the glade he jerked her to him, crushing his soft, hungry lips to hers and she kissed him back as his hands wound themselves in her hair, pulling her as deep as she could go.

He groaned softly, sighing with relief; she was still here, tangible and alive, and he ran his hands over her, suddenly mad to feel every inch of her, every molecule, to make sure; they slid up under her shirt, lifting it over her head and dropping it to the ground. Her fingers were already busy on his buttons but he held her hand away and pulled it over his head, dropping it next to hers; when their bodies came together and their bare skin touched his knees almost buckled beneath him and the sparks between them drove him wild; he swung her up and moved to the rock, stripping her shoes, socks and jeans off in one swift motion before lying her gently down on the sun dappled stone. He drew his own clothes off quickly, hating to not be touching some part of her because he felt cold every time he lost contact with her sweet, delicious skin.

Her eyes never left him as he stripped off his clothes and stood in the sunlight; it cast a deep golden aura around him, a hazy halo that disappeared when he went to her, kissing her stomach gently before moving over her and kissing _her_, laying his entire body against hers, making her shiver and tremble as much as he was. "Kate," he murmured, kissing her forehead, "Kate, I..." he couldn't find the words that he wanted to say, she was too intoxicating, too much for his mind to take in all at once and he couldn't _think_, he couldnt put together a coherent thought, so he just finished with a fierce whisper, "I love you."

Her whisper was ragged; she couldn't breathe and she was shaking so hard she could barely get the words out. "I love you. I _love_ you, James."

It drove him wild and he bent his mouth to hers with animal passion and she returned his intensity with her own because she suddenly remembered, remembered what death had been, though she couldn't be sure if it was real it sent an involuntary chill through her. Sawyer's insistent mouth and hands drove the vision away, leaving just a slight chill in her bones; she moaned slightly as he slid his lips to her throat, resting them on the hollow he loved so much, where her skin was so soft and sweet and he could feel her pulse, her heart beatingand he tasted it now, flicking his tongue along with her galloping heart. Happiness exploded through him with such force and ferocity he thought he would burst from it and he remembered, too, what death had been and he realized that he didn't want to go there, not when he had this here; Kate, here and now. He was going to live, he wanted to, more than he had ever wanted anything else, and he hugged Kate to him, so tight and she groaned softly because she could feel him, feel his want to be with her, and Joshua, and her heart expanded with joy and love as they came together, sparks flying from his body as he paused, savoring her, her breath panting in his ear, her fingers on his shoulders digging them in as he started to move, oh so slowly; her legs twisted around his, drawing him closer.

He began moving with a little more rhythm, rocking against her as she moaned softly, then louder, then she let out a loud primal cry and shuddered, straining against him and he stopped, holding her close as she relaxed, then he slid his arm underneath her and with one smooth motion he flipped them over so that his back was againt the warm stone and Kate was above him, smiling at him with a bright glow in her eyes, her face flushed and grinning, alive and _his_. He sat up suddenly, his arms going around her waist and he pulled her to him, smiling as she gasped at the unexpected shift and she leaned against his chest as she hugged her close, and they stayed there for a minute until Kate started to move, almost without realizing it; her eyes were closed and all she could think about was the way he felt, how they _fit_; he was made for her, and she for him, and she whispered, "I'm sorry."

His eyes met hers and he panted, "Sorry for...what?"

She rocked over him again and he groaned, his hands gripping her waist hard enough to leave red marks as she said, sadly, "I don't know."

He gasped out something between chuckle and a moan,despite himself and it vibrated through her, making her arms prickle as he said, raggedly, "Oh, Kate, don't..." he couldn't finish because she started moving faster and everyhing else was forgotten in their wild, reckless abandon; they were animals, the stuff of the universe and when Kate finally cried out, tensing and clutching Sawyer's shoulders it was savage and untamed and it drove Sawyer over the edge, his wild fierce cry mixing with hers, shattering the silence of the jungle.

He crushed her to him, panting , her sweaty body slicking against his as she slowly relaxed, laying her forehead on his shoulder and wrapping her hands in his hair; she was still trembling and he stroked her back, lifting aside her heavy swatch of sweat-damp hair, tickling the back of her neck with his fingers until she giggled, "Stop that."

"Stop what? This?" His hand slid from her neck, trailing down her back and making her shiver; he reached her ribs then suddenly tickled her softly, just enough to elicit a soft squeal and a shift in her position and he stopped, afraid that she would leave, move away from him, break their contact, and he still had the irrational fear that if he left her touch, if they broke contact, even for a second, she would be gone; he knew it was silly but he couldn't help it; he clutched her to him, and said, "Don't go, Freckles."

His voice had a desperation to it, a scary edge and she put her hand under his chin, drawing his eyes to hers; they met, blue and green , jungle and sky, and she said, softly, "Where would I go, Tex?"

His fingers dug into her, involuntarily and she grunted a little but didn't move; he looked so scared, so unsure, and he croaked, "You could...disappear." He felt silly even as he said it, but good, too, it was like drawing poison to get the fear out and he wondered how he could have lived his entire life without her, how he had survived.

She chuckled softly, her eyes still holding his and she said, "I'm real, James. I'm not going anywhere." She pulled away from him, out of his grasp before he could stop her; as her sweaty fingers slid through his she stood in the clearing, her body glistening in the sunlight, and she said, "Still here, James."

He stood and approached her, uncertainly, his heart in his throat as he touched her; she was real, tangible, substantial, and he sighed with relief, pulling her close, then sweeping her up again and sitting her back on the rock with him, cradling her in his lap; they were quiet for a few minutes, just the buzz of the insects to keep them company. Sawyer had never been more fulfilled in his life; he was with the woman he loved and she was carrying their son inside of her, and he could feel the life radiate from her, the joy that she was feeling, and he said, "I think we're both still dead, sweethheart, 'cause this seems like heaven."

She smiled and lifted his hand to hers, kissing his fingertips and she said, "No, James, I saw heaven. I was there, for a little while, waiting for you." She kissed his solemn lips and said, "I remember some of it, it's like a dream...very hazy and unreal, but real at the same time, you know?" He nodded; he remembered too but he wanted to hear her version first. "I could see you, from far away, I could see you holding me and then you..."she choked and couldn't say the words, "...I was waiting for you but you never came; then I couldn't see you anymore but I was in...I don't even know how to describe it...it was light, but soft, like a sunny day, and I could smell flowers, everywhere," she grinned a little, "like at the chapel. And it was warm, like I was being held by...by you, and I was happy, and content, but something wasn't right, I was lonely and I wanted to see you, so I...I don't know what I did, but I remember talking to you, do you remember that?"

"Yeah," he said, "You came to me and...I was quitting, Kate. I couldn't go on without you, I was dead already, just walking until I fell...and you gave me...life, enough to keep going."

"I tried to be with you always, James," she said, kissing him, and they forgot everything else for a few minutes as they her lips explored his, leisurely, then she pulled away and said, "I love ghost stories, you know. When my dad and I used to camp out he loved to tell them to me, just the two of us, by the campfire...those were some of my few happy times," she said, looking a little sad, he brushed hr hair tenderly from her eyes as she continued, "Anyway, I loved the ghost stories about the ocean the best...the ocean scares me, more than is normal," she paused waiting for a smart remark but none came, smiling slightly to herself she continued, "It's so big and open." She glanced aside at him, saying dryly, "Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide."

He grinned, "I can see how you would find that scary."

"Yeah, so my favorite ghost stories were the 'ghost ship' ones, like The Flying Dutchman. You know that one?"

He shook his head, entranced by her voice and her beauty as she tilted her head quizzically at him, and he said, clearing his throat a little, "Can't say I do, Freckles. Why don't you tell me?" Anything to keep her talking, smiling, with him; he didn't want to ever end the way they were; they could just build a hut, wear some skins, anything to keep it like it was now, to avoid what was ahead, the struggle they had to face.

"Okay," she said, grinning, "but the details are a little fuzzy. I haven't needed ghost stories to scare me for a long time."

He grinned back. "This makes a nice switch then huh?"

"Yeah." Her eyes were shining and she said, in her spookiest voice, "So, it was back in the 1600's, and Captain...I can't remember his name...the captain was bringing the Dutchman home from a lucrative trading expedition and they were rounding the Cape of Good Hope, in Africa, finally on their way home to Holland. He was in a hurry, he was itching to sell his goods and reap in the huge reward, and he was so engrossed in his daydreams about spending his riches that he failed to notice the storm clouds rounding the cape before him; by the time they were spotted it was too late, and he cursed God for sending him such foul luck. God respoded by making the storm worse and the captain shouted to heaven, 'I WILL round this cape, even if I have to keep sailing 'til doomsday!'"

Sawyer broke in, chuckling. "That wasn't a good idea, was it?" He just wanted to see her eyes crinkle up when she smiled back at him.

"No, it wasn't. The ship ran aground on the rocky waters around the cape and sank, but the curse held, and now during any terrible storm on the Cape you can see the Flying Dutchman, battling the waves as the Captain screams at the heavens." She paused. "Sometimes she sails close enough for her crew to be seen, and they shout to the passing ships, but no one can hear what they are saying." She glanced sideways at him, hesitating before she said, "That was what it was like for me, Sawyer...I could see you, I could see what you were doing, how you were suffering, and I tried to tell you it was okay, that _we_ were okay." His hand wandered to her belly, resting there as he caressed it gently. "I tried to come to you, so many times, to ease you."

"That wasn't what you said when you did come to me," he said softly, looking up into her eyes. "You said you _needed_ me to bring you back. Both of you."

"And I did, " she replied, kissing him softly. "I needed you to bring us back, but you needed to know I was waiting for you."

He groaned and the kiss deepened, lingering for a long time as they enjoyed the feel of each other, the warmth and light that was finally pushing the cold, dead chill from their hearts with finality.


	120. Chapter 120

**Chapter 120**  
They didn't stay long in the Space room; they dressed quickly when they were done, afraid, now that the initial need was spent, that Locke and Hanso would walk in on them. Jack took her hand, smiling, and led her out into the courtyard, their eyes watering a little as they adjusted to the bright midday sun; he said, "You're beautiful."

Ana wasn't good at handling such frank compliments; they unnerved her a little and she looked away, as she replied, "Thanks."

Jack could tell she was embarrassed and he smiled to himself, pulling her into his arms as he said, "You are, Ana." he brushed his fingers along her cheek and she met his eyes, almost shyly. "I wish I would have come back to you. On the plane. I wish every day that I was with you when we crashed." He kissed her, softly. "I'm sorry I waited too long."

She smiled, brushing her knuckles against his stubbly cheek. "It worked out okay, Jack. We're here now, right?" He put his forehead to hers, grinning as Hanso and Locke came out, rolling their eyes at them.

"Hey, Jack," Hanso said, coming up to the two of them, "Why don't you show Ana around?" He handed him a swipe card, grinning. "We'll see you at dusk."

Locke cast jack a smug look before following Hanso across the courtyard into the Math room. As the door shut behind them Jack took Ana's hand and said, "Wanna tour? It's actually pretty interesting stuff."

She nodded; she wanted nothing more than to learn what the hell this place was, and as Jack led her towards the Magnets he explained everything Hanso had filled him in on, how the magnets controlled the tesseract and how they used it to go to other worlds, the armies, the drug and its effects, everything. Her head was spinning as she digested it all and after a few hours and a complete tour she was ready to sit quietly and think. Jack led her to one of the benches and sat next to her, putting his arm around her shoulder and drawing her close to him; she didn't resist, though she was still a _little_ angry with him things had worked out well enough that she could forgive him for what he did. And she loved him. She still didn't know why, what it was that attracted her to him so strongly, made her so weak in the knees when he touched her, but it was there and she couldn't fight it. She didn't want to fight it.

Then there was the angel thing; she felt guilty keeping it from him, especially since he had just opened up to her about everything going on here, but the truth was she wasn't sure if it was real or not; if it was just something she had hallucinated before Sawyer healed her, maybe. She _knew_, though, deep down, that is was true, and it scared the sht out of her so she pushed it aside, choosing instead to concentrate on Jack, his arm around her, his chest beneath her cheek; Maybe I am an angel, she thought, as she caressed him idly, dragging her fingers up and down his arm, making goosebumps pop up, maybe this is heaven right now.

The middle door, the door to the Tesseration Chamber opened and Locke and Hanso came out, grinning broadly as Alvar barred the door and they ame down the stone steps, laughing and chatting animatedly. Ana rolled her eyes. Guess not.

Locke spotted Jack and made a beeline for him as Ana sighed and lifted her head from its comfortable position, glaring slightly at John as he said, "Hello, Casanova. Had a busy day?" He leered at Ana and Jack stiffened, glaring at John warningly; Locke stepped back as his eyes met Ana's, holding them and he smiled at her, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he looked up at the just barely darkening sky and he said, "You almost ready Jack? Dusk." He waved his hand at the sky and Jack nodded.

"Just a few more minutes." In just a few minutes he was going to be a different person and he wanted to have just a little bit longer with Ana as he was now; there was no telling what the injection would do to him emotionally, and he wanted to love her _now_, while he knew he could.

Hanso nodded, seeing Jack's hand slide possessively over Ana's. "Okay. We'll be waiting." He motioned to the medical ward and with a last smile he and Locke headed that way.

Ana didn't want to ask him outright; it had hit her like a stone what he was planning and it scared her a little, though she had to admit, after what he told her about the powers of the serum she wasn't sure if it was so bad after all. "What are you doing, Jack?"

He didn't answer for a second; he wasn't thrilled about it, about what he was doing but he didn't have a choice, really, if he wanted Ana, to keep her, he had to do what was necessary. The Island _owned_ him, it had given him what he wanted all along and hadn't known it. He thought he wanted to not be like his father and that _was_ something that he wanted, but deep in his heart he'd really wanted this; love, and happiness. "I'm...I'm doing what I have to, for us."

"And what is that, Jack?" It was frightening her and so she turned it to anger, snapping at him, "Why are you trying to hide it, do you think I'm an idiot?"

He tensed and looked sad as she drew away, standing and crossing her arms as she glared at him. "No, Ana," he said, softly, "I didn't want you to worry."

"Bullshit, Jack, you didn't want me to stop you." She froze suddenly, her heart dropping as she realized something, something that had been nagging at her all afternoon. "You're still going to kill her, aren't you? Kate?"

Jack looked away, grimacing. Kate, always Kate. With sudden insight he realized exactly _why_ his infatuation with her had pissed Ana off so much; it was damn annoying. "Yes, Ana."

She closed her eyes, feeling sick. "You know how I feel about that." She opened her eyes and looked into Jack's, holding them sadly. "You know how I'll feel about _you_."

He stood, grabbing her by the shoulders as he said, "Ana, please, I don't want to, okay? But I want _you_ more and it's something I have to do." He paused, trying to read her face. "I love you, and I know you don't want me to say it but I'm doing it for you. For us." His voice was pleading and her resolve and determination to hate him crumbled at the soft supplication in his eyes and she didn't stop him when his arms enfolded her, drawing her in as he said, "I promise, Ana I will do everything I can not to hurt her, okay? I promise that for you." His lips found hers, sealing the promise with a kiss.

They stood together for a minute, holding each other close as the sun began sinking slowly and long shadows began creeping across the coutrtyard and by the time Jack pulled away and headed for the ward the shadow had swallowed them both.

----

Kate and Sawyer stayed in the little glade until the sun started to go down; Kate felt a little guilty about leaving Sara alone for so long but she trusted that she would understand, and she couldn't bear to leave, to go back to ugly reality with its death and sorrow; here in the glade they were happy, living a fantasy life where there were no problems, no troubles, they were just Kate and James, the happy couple expecting their first child, and for those few hours Kate had a taste of what her life would have been like had she not killed Wayne, if she had just gone on to live a regular life, a quiet, sedate life, and it was nice, it was so easy. She wondered if she would ever really have it, if she would ever find this kind of peace and tranquility again.

She found some fruit and they picnicked on the rock, sitting crosslegged across from each other, knees touching, and the meager lunch spread out on the warm stone; Sawyer fed her pieces of mango while she tried to guess what they tasted like as he changed them; they washed their sticky hands in the stream and horsed around in the shallows, splashing each other before he tackled her, sending them both spluttering into the deeper channel before he remembered and paled. "Are you okay? I didn't mean to-"

"James," she laughed, pushing her sopping hair from her face, "I'm not made of glass. I can still take a _little_ bit of danger."

He grinned, his hair dripping into his face and kissed her, sweetly, before sweeping her legs out from under her and dunking her in the channel again.

They made love again after their frolic in the creek, softer and easier, and as they lay on the rock, their sweat drying in the bare breeze Sawyer rested his hand on her belly, staring at it with awe, then at her; she flushed a little under his gaze and he grinned. "What's the matter, Freckles?"

"Nothing." She tried to look angry but a smile kept sneaking up on her. "You're staring."

He eyed her cockily. "Well, Sweetheart, you're naked. Where else would I be lookin'?"

She rolled her eyes and chuckled as he nuzzled her neck; the sun was getting low in the sky and the shadows were creeping longer and longer and Kate sighed, finally, and rose from the rock, reluctantly pulling on her clothes. Sawyer watched her, the ease and simplicity of her movements bewitched him as she bent to tie her shoes, her hair falling in a curtain around her face, the muscles in her bare arms flexing as she moved them, the taut muscles of her stomach as she stood and her tank top rode up a little; he stood quickly and drew on his own clothes before things got out of hand.

Kate noticed and smiled to herself. "Afraid I might see something, Bunny?"

His fingers were busy buttoning his jeans as he retorted, "I believe you've seen it already, Freckles. A real _good_ look, if I remember correctly."

She rolled her eyes, laughing. "You're a pig, _Sawyer_."

He clutched his heart, looking hurt. "Surely I didn't deserve _that_." His smile faded just a little as he said, "I killed him, Kate."

She stopped in the middle of pulling her hair up into a knot, her hands still twisted in it as she said, "What?"

He pulled his shirt on over his head and folded down the collar. "He was the one who shot Vincent. They set us up, knowing I'd leave you with Sara to go after him." He grinned, a little embarrassed as he said, "I was leaving, Kate, I swear, I was turned around, going back and he called you a whore." He averted his eyes, and finished, "I...uh...you know." He wiggled his fingers, smiling apologetically.

She was staring at him, nodding and smiling herself, though it was a shock at first; she realized that it hadn't mattered because he had let Frank go already, his power over him was gone. "So," she said, "Sawyer no more. I guess I'll have to come up with a new name for you when you're a disgusting pig." She finished with her hair and reached for her water bottle, taking a drink.

He lifted his eyebrows and said with glee, "You could call me Jack." She choked on the swallow of water she had taken and he frowned as the words left his mouth. "I don't believe I just said that."

Her eyes were watering and she was gasping for air as she snorted, "Do you think I'm crazy?" She finally caught her breath and she stood straight, her eyes red and puffy.

"Right, right, " Sawyer said, nodding sagely."Jack would be for when I'm a sanctimonious asshole."

Kate snorted again, making her eyes water and she wiped her hand across them, and he couldn't resist her; he took her in his arms and kissed her wet eyes, as she giggled slightly. "Well, so it stays Sawyer for now. Until I can come up with a better one." She shook her head at him. "Somehow I don't think I will. It's weird, I call you James, and it's natural, I don't even think about it anymore, but when I think about you, when my mind is mulling you over you're always Sawyer." She sighed against his shirt, her giggles gone. "I guess you will always be him, a little."

He squeezed her, grinning as his chin rested on top of her head. "You love the Sawyer, baby. All the women do. Like I said, bad boys." He pulled back, looking into her eyes. "I'll always be Sawyer, Kate, he just won't _own_ me. Besides, you'd be bored silly with just James in a day."

Kate turned her lips to his chest, her warm breath burning him through the cloth as she slid her hands beneath it, pulling it up so she could kiss the downy hairs that trailed down from his navel; he groaned as she reached the button of his jeans, her breath scorching him, and she glanced up, beaming wickedly before dropping his shirt and saying, "Two days, tops."

She grinned and stepped away as he struggled to regain himself, growling, "Tease."

The sun was almost down completely and they still didn't want to leave; he pulled her to him, kissing her tenderly, lovingly, without haste or lust; as darkness fell she sighed, pulling away reluctantly. "We have to go back, _James_," she teased lightly, "Sara is alone."

He didn't bother to point out that she was friggin' _angel_; he was kind of touched by Kate's concern for Sara, though it struck him that she may have wanted it more for her own safety than Sara's. "I ain't protection enough for you, Kate?"

He sounded hurt and she looked at him, tenderly. "James, you're all I need, baby." Her eyes met his and he smiled, relieved and...fulfilled. "But an angel doesn't hurt."

He rolled his head and lunged at her, fingers curled into claws to tickle her but he froze as Ana came out of the jungle, gun drawn and pointed at Kate's back.


	121. Chapter 121

**Chapter 121**  
Ana watched silently as they rolled Jack's t-shirt sleeve up above his shoulder and Hanso swabbed his arm down with alcohol before picking up the injector. "Okay, Jack," he said, gruffly, "this is it. There's no going back."

Jack glanced up at Ana, as if looking for approval; he didn't get it, but there wasn't discouragement there either, she was just...neutral. He sighed and nodded, looking away from her as he did; he wished she would just take his hand, smile, anything to comfort him, let him know that she was there, that she cared.

"Wait," she said, and Hanso paused, the needle poised over Jack's arm, she circled around to his other side, taking his hand and kissing him lightly. She'd seen the look in his eye, how alone he felt and she melted because he_was_ doing this for them, even if she didn't totally agree with it, the sentiment was still there, and he loved her, he wanted to be with her and she couldn't let him be alone. He smiled up at her with gratitude and love and she nodded at Hanso. "Okay."

Jack flinched as the needle shot into his arm, gripping Ana's hand and holding her eyes as Hanso withdrew the point, swabbing it again and slapping a band-aid over it. Ana noticed with amusement the green ogre and gray donkey characters that dotted the bandage, and she crinkled up her eyes as she grinned. "Cute."

Hanso nodded. "Yeah, the kids love 'em. We found them in some luggage not too long ago." Ana's smile faded and she looked away from it, feeling a little sick.

She turned her attention back to Jack; his eyes were closed and he looked a tiny bit green and she said, "You okay?"

He nodded, keeping his eyes closed. "Yeah. Just feels weird." He flicked his eyes open, looking at her concerned face. "You won't leave, will you?"

She shook her head. "No, Jack. I won't go anywhere." His hand took hers as he smiled wanly.

Hanso cleared his throat. "Sorry to interrupt your little love fest, but you've got about an hour until you go into the room, so..." he winked at them and Locke chuckled. "We'll draw the screen for you." They left, pulling the screen around them so they were alone, their laughter echoing madly through the ward.

Ana rolled her eyes and Jack shook his head; glancing at each other their eyes met and they both grinned; Jack leaned over and kissed her and she slid her hand around his neck, rubbing her palm over his bristly hair. He pulled her, hard, and she slid up onto the bed with him, over his lap, and their kiss deepened until she moaned softly, tugging at his shirt insistently.

He caught her hands, pulling them away. "No, Ana. Not yet. After...after I'm done." He shrugged, seeing her hurt look. "I just want to be careful." He bent his head and kissed her again, still holding her hands in his; she gave in and enjoyed the languid, slow embrace. How could she ever have thought about giving him up? No matter what he did she would love him, though she would also most certainly judge him, but would he be any different than her? She didn't think so, and it eased her guilt just a bit.

But not about Kate; that was eating her up. She couldn't stop it, she knew Jack was right, but the baby just ripped her to pieces. She knew it was wrong, so wrong for them but it had to be done if there was going to _be_ a them; I am damned, she thought, I have to become what I hate in order to keep what I love.

After a while Jack began to twitch, spasming and shaking; once he stiffened and groaned aloud and Ana was scared into action; she started to go to look for Hanso but Jack grabbed her, holding her in place, a tormented, agonized look in his eyes. "Don't go."

She sat back on the edge of the bed, holding him as best she could; he would convulse violently, shaking so hard the bed would vibrate and she was terrified as she said, "Oh, no, Jack, I won't. I won't. I'm right here..." she tried to soothe his shuddering but it was neverending, just a constant barrage of quaking spasms and he began to moan. She was starting to panic, where the hell were Locke and Hanso?

To her relief they came in, Hanso looking at Jack and nodding. "Time to go into the room, Jack." He went to help Jack up on his shaking legs but Ana shoved him away, shouldering him herself and helping him as he staggered across the ward; no one noticed when her fingers slipped into his pocket, pulling out the badge Hanso had given him; she pocketed it, smiling gently to herself.

They eased Jack down on the floor; he was trembling now, and gazing at Ana with desperation as she stood at the exit. "Ana," he said, "Please don't leave." His voice was so shaky she could barely understand him, and she wanted to stay with him, hold him as long as she could; it hurt her to see him suffering.

She smiled and went to him, swiftly, kissing him gently. "I'll be right outside, Jack," she said, "I love you."

He relaxed and the despairing look left his eyes and he whispered back, "I love you too."

Hanso pulled the door shut, bolting it as Ana peered sadly and worriedly through the glass. "He'll be okay, right?"

Hanso touched her shoulder, gently. "Yes, Ana. He'll be fine." He looked kindly at the tired rings under her eyes. "Go get some sleep. He'll be out of it for a few hours, and trust me, you don't want to see it."

She nodded, eyeing the beds with desire; she _was_ tired, and she sighed and plopped onto a cot, pulling the covers up over her and smilng at Hanso. "A few hours, right? You'll make sure I'm up before he wakes?" She wanted to be the first person he saw when he woke.

He nodded. "Of course." He and Locke exited, leaving her alone with a couple of nurses. She waited about ten minutes, then swung silently out of the cot and walked up to the door, holding her breath before peeking in the glass window at Jack.

He was sitting in the middle of the floor, his arms around his knees, obviously trying to suppress the trembling shakes as he spasmed, his body jerking; he glanced up at the door and saw Ana, looking in at him, and he smiled, sweetly and lovingly before leaping at the door and slamming into it with a screech of rage.

Ana leapt back, startled, her heart thudding as it ground back into motion; Jack's blood was smeared across the window where he had slammed his head into it hard enough to split his skin on the edge of the padding. She didn't dare look again; her hand over her mouth in horror she hurried fom the ward, into the courtyard.

Once outside she dropped her hand, dropping the act; it had been useful enough to get her out of the ward without arousing the nurse's suspicions, and now she had to get out of the Foundation itself.

She sidled up to the door that led to the outside, and she tried to peek through the crack but she couldn't see anything; taking a deep breath she tugged on it but it wouldn't open and she almost panicked before she noticed a cylindrical little button hidden in a recess next to the door, rolling her eyes at herself she pushed it and the door hissed open softly.

She pulled her gun and peeked around the corner; there was no one there. She bolted, running to the glass door to the outside, slinging it open and dashing for the cover of the dark jungle.

-----

"Kate," he croaked, and she stopped, freezing at the look in his eye; she turned slowly to find Ana with her gun held on her.

"Hi, Kate," she said, uncocking the gun slowly and putting back in her waistband. "I didn't know you were here." She smiled at Sawyer, who was tensed and ready to spring in front of Kate. "Stand down, soldier. I come in peace."

Kate had unfrozen, her initial shock gone, and she said, "What are you doing out here? Are you alone?"

Ana smiled, nodding. "Yeah." Glancing around she said, "Where's Sara?"

Kate glanced guiltily at Sawyer and he said, "She's not too far. we were just headed back her way."

Ana smiled. "Good. We need to talk." She shrugged. "I need to tell you some things." She seemed to grow a little anxious. "We need to hurry, though. They don't know I'm gone."

Kate's curiousity was eating her up, and she took Sawyer's hand, pulling him back to Sara as insistently as she had pulled him into the glade earlier; Ana trailed them nervously, glancing over her shoulder every few minutes. She felt guilty for what she was doing, basically turning on Jack, but it was the only way she could square herself with what was to come; she couldn't live with herself knowing she could have done _something_.

They reached Sara quickly, and Kate was happy to see her sitting quietly and staring at the stars; she smiled as they all came onto the path and she went to Ana, hugging her briefly before saying, "It's good to see you, Ana." She gleamed a little, brightly, and Ana smiled back.

"Thank you. I'm sorry to be abrupt but I'm in a hurry. I came to tell you that Jack is coming after you again, Kate, but it will be different this time. He's gone over, become one of Them."

Kate and Sara both gasped and Sawyer even looked a little sick. "What?"

Ana smiled. "There's more." She filled them in quickly on the Foundation, everything Jack had told her, everything she had seen and heard. They all sat dumbfounded until Sawyer said, "How many people are in there?"

Ana shrugged. "I don't know, a dozen maybe."

Sara said, "The animals are turning, too. I heard Hanso say it, when the horse was carrying Kate and Vincent."

Kate said, "Horse?" She glanced at Sawyer, a slight smile touching the corner of her mouth. "Black horse?"

Sara nodded. "Yeah. Big one, too. Beautiful."

Kate's eyes were on Sawyer as she said, softly, "Yeah, he is." She turned back to Ana; she had been watching her quietly, remembering the way Ana had touched her stomach, so reverently, eyes full of tears, and she said, "Why are you doing this, Ana? Why are you telling us this?"

Ana hesitated, then glanced at Kate's belly before meeting her eyes. "I think you know why, Kate," she said quietly. "I can't live with letting them kill the baby but I can't stop it either. The best I can do is level the playing field, start you off on even footing."

Sara said, "You can still come with us, Ana." She was afraid for her if she didn't; she sensed that Ana was straying, falling from grace for her passions and desires.

Ana stared at her for a minute, sadly, then said, "You loved him once. Wasn't there a time when you would have done anything for him?" Sara nodded, slowly, imperceptibly; she felt bad for Ana, caught between heaven and earth, bound to one and wanting the other. "I love Jack. I may be damned for it, but I love him, and I can't be anywhere else. He needs me...aren't I _his_ guardian angel?"

"Yes," Sara said, suddenly snapping with anger, "and you are supposed to guide him to the right path, not guard him while he travels down the road to hell."

Ana flared back. "Good thing it isn't any of your business anymore, huh? Jack is not your concern."

White light flared from Sara briefly as she snapped, "But Kate is, and Jack is trying to, what? Hurt her? Kill her? You have to know I'm not going to let that happen again."

Ana flared too, a dark reddish black and she said, "Well, it doesn't look like it's going to be all up to you, Sara. I'm going to be there, and I won't let anything happen to _him_, either."

Kate and Sawyer watched them in fascinated horror as they glared at each other, Sara glowing bright golden white and Ana flaring a dark black/red; Sara retreated just a tad, this was not the time or place. "Thank you for the information, Ana. We appreciate your gesture, really, and I understand your position. I don't agree, but it is your choice. Just remember, what happens to Jack will be on your shoulders because you let him go astray when you could have helped him on the path." She paused then bright white light blasted through the glade, blinding them all for a second as she said, "Ezekiel 25:17, Ana, maybe you know it? _The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men._ You're supposed to ward away the selfish and the evil, not help them destroy him!"

Ana burst forth with a rolling red and black cloud as she said, "_As thou hast given him power over all flesh, that he should give eternal life to as many as thou hast given him._" She smiled triumphantly. "John 17:2."

Sara flapped her silver wings, blowing away Ana's cloud as she said, "_He that toucheth pitch shall be defiled therewith; and he that hath fellowship with a proud man shall be like unto him._"

Glaring, her eyes beginning to glow, Ana hissed, "_But the end of all things is at hand: be ye therefore sober, and watch unto prayer._"

Sara flared brighter, her skin splitting and the white angel rising in righteous fury; her voice was different, deeper and majestic as she boomed, "_And he shall besiege thee in all they gates, until thy high and fenced walls come down, wherein thou trustedst, throughout all thy land: and he shall besiege thee in all thy gates throughout all thy land, which the Lord thy God hath given thee._ Deuteronomy 28:52."

Ana laughed and it was dark and bitter. "I know my Deuteronomy too, Sweetheart. _And he shall say, Where are their gods, their rock in whom they trusted?_ 28:37."

The angel dwindled back into Sara's body, sighing and staring sadly at the red-eyed, shadowed Ana, and she said, softly, "_For as the father hath life in himself; so hath he given to the son to have life in himself._ John 5:26. Ana, think about what you are doing."

Sawyer had his arms wrapped around Kate as they gaped in dread and awe at the two angels; his hand slid to her stomach as Sara quoted the last line and he glanced at Ana to see if it had any effect.

She was staring at Kate, sadly, her hand flat on her own stomach as she said, "_For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night but joy cometh in the morning._ Psalms 30:5." She burst a bright, flaming red as she said, "I'd get over it." Regret crossed her face as she looked at Kate again. "It's too bad."

Kate was still in semi-shock and she just mumbled, "What's that?"

Ana smiled, the crimson light fading from her as she said, "If we had met a different place, different circumstances, I think we could have been friends. I always admired you, Kate, if nothing else." She glanced around at them all once more. "Goodbye."

She vanished into the jungle and the clearing fell dark with only Sara's light left to show them the way.


	122. Chapter 122

**Chapter 122**  
Ana ran quickly through the dark, hurrying back to Jack; she was beginning to regret what she had done because if Jack ever found out...she didn't want to think about it. The Foundation was looming ahead; she could see the stars reflecting from the polished glass and she burst from the bushes, sprinting to the door as she pulled out the security card she had lifted from Jack's pocket.

There was still no one at the desk and she popped over it, pressing the button before leaping down and going to the entrance to the courtyard; only then did she slow down and cautiously push open the door, peeking out. No one. Sighing with relief she pushed the door all the way open and walked in to the darkened yard and sat wearily down on one of the benches, resting her head in her hands.

She didn't understand; if she was an angel, if she was supposed to be _good_, then why was it so easy for her to slide, to let her feelings take over for her brain and help Jack down the wrong path? Why wasn't she guiding him instead of letting him choose the road that would affect both of them? Why wasn't she fighting it?

It was too late now, she had let him make his choice and there was no going back and so there was no going back for Ana either; she loved him and he needed her, she couldn't leave him now.

"Man's power of choice enables him to think like an angel or a devil, a king or a slave," Locke's voice made her jump and he loomed in front of her, out of the shadows, his eyes glining in the starlight, "Whatever he chooses mind will create and manifest." His voice was quiet and clear and Ana felt paranoia creep upon her as he stared and said, "Do you believe that, Ana? Do you believe that the path you choose really matters?"

Did she? Did it really matter to her what became of anyone else because of her actions, or Jack's? She was surprised at her answer. "No." The act in the glade had been the last, the last _good_ thing she would do that didn't benefit either her or Jack; no one else mattered anymore. I _think_ I am a devil, she thought, and so I am.

"Good, Ana." He glanced up at the sky making his eyes twinkle. "It's the ends that matter, not the means." He paused and glanced over at her, still sitting warily on the bench and he said, "Have you been to see him?"

She froze and shook her head, feeling a little panicky; had something happened? Was he okay? Swallowing her fears, she shook her head trying not to sound scared. "No, why? Everything okay?"

She didn't do a very good job and Locke touched her shoulder gently, making her recoil from his touch as he said, "He's fine, he's fine. They brought him out of the room a few minutes ago-"

He didn't bother to finish; she was already halfway across the courtyard.

-----

Sawyer built a fire with a careless flick of his hand and he held Kate tight in his lap, wrapping his body around hers, like a shield; after everything Ana had told them he was suddenly very, very glad Sara was there and he whispered into Kate's ear, "You were right, Freckles."

She glanced up at him in mock surprise. "Moi? _I_ was right? About _what_?"

He gave her a scornful look. "Don't be an ass, Kate." She rolled her eyes as he said, "Having an angel doesn't hurt."

"You've got room to talk about being an ass," she muttered under her breath, making him grin as she said, aloud, "No, it doesn't."

Sara was sitting across the fire from them, smiling gently; she was sure that the earlier confrontation between herself and Ana had scared them and it was good to see them laughing, over the initial shock. "Well, thank you. I don't mind being here myself."

They both turned to her and Kate grinned; she had forgotten, wrapped so comfortably in Sawyer's arms that there actually was an angel there. Well, that there was actually _anyone_ there at all. "That was an interesting display of the Bible, Sara. Did you know all of that before?"

She grinned, shaking her head. "Hardly. I spend all of my reading time going over papers and reading literary analyses of the books we're studying in class. I think that other knowledge comes with the territory." She glanced at Sawyer, who had his forehead against the top of Kate's head and she said, "I hear you read a lot, Sawyer. Ever read _The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe_?"

He lifted his head and smiled. "As a matter of fact, I have." His finger slid lightly along Kate's arm as he said, "It was a long time ago though."

Sara smiled, watching as Kate lifted her face to his, goosebumps erupting beneath his fingers; he kissed her tenderly, his hand moving to cup the side of her face gently and reverently until Kate pulled back, flushed and glowing. "So, anyway," she ignored Kate's slightly embarassed grin and continued, "we just finished reading it at the end of last year, while we were sudying Biblical allegories in modern literature. Four children are taken to live with an eccentric uncle during World War Two and they discover a magical wardrobe that takes them to another world. Three of the children fall in with some talking animals but the fourth is taken in by the White Witch, who keeps all of the land in perpetual winter." She paused, making sure Kate and Sawyer were listening. "The three children are taken to meet Aslan, the giant lion, the King of Everything, pure and holy. They love him immediately, without reservation or reason, they love him because he _is_." She stared steadily at Sawyer as she spoke, and then she continued. "The fourth child, the Judas, he betrays Aslan to the White Witch and she traps and sacrifices him, but in truth it is he who sacrifices himself, to spare the life of the Judas." She shook her head at the way he tightened his grip around Kate. "Don't read too much into it, Sawyer. It's just a story and my point lies elsewhere." He didn't seem very comforted. "In the end, Aslan is resurrected and he joins the children's _animal army_, finally defeating the White Witch and saving Narnia."

He glanced down at Kate, looking a little dubious. "Animal army?"

Kate was shaking her head. Of course. She'd been an idiot not to think of it; even Sara had said the animals were turning. "James, of course. You can talk to them, they love you." He still seemed unsure and she sighed, "You're already using the birds, James. Think of all of the other things here, like the horse, and the polar bear, and the giraffe-"

"What the hell is a giraffe gonna do?"

"What?"

"Well, I mean, I can see the horse, 'cause we can ride it, and the polar bear is obvious, what with the claws and teeth, but what the hell will a giraffe do? We gonna use it's neck to scale the castle walls?"

"I was just naming off what we knew was here. Don't be such an ass." She beamed at him wickedly. "Or a Jack."

"Now that really hurt, Freckles. I was simply pointin' out that a giraffe ain't gonna be much use in an army. What we need are the big brawny ones, like..." his eyes wandered to hers and he smiled, "...like a boar."

A huge smile lit up her face, blinding him for a second with its brilliance and she said, "A boar, huh? And what's a boar gonna do?"

His voice was soft and Sara could tell that they had forgotten she was there again and she loved how they could weave a spell around themselves to keep out the rest of the world; in their golden bubble nothing existed but them. "I think you know what it can do, Freckles," he teased, and his hand brushed her cheek where the boar had scratched her, so long ago...was it really only two and a half months? "That was the day I decided I was going to get a kiss from you."

Her eyes were shining and as she said, "Oh, really?"

"Mm-hmm. You goin' off into the jungle with Locke and Michael worried me 'cause neither one struck me as very stable. I even made an offering to the Gods for your safe return, Milady," he teased, his eyes dancing with the same light as hers, "I gave Mamacita some of the wallets from my stash for her memorial."

Kate grinned, nodding. "I'm sure that was quite a sacrifice, too."

"It's the thought that counts, sweetheart. Proven by the fact that you came back, safe and sound. Almost." His thumb brushed lightly against her cheek again. "You had on an orange shirt and the sleeves were pushed up under the straps of your backpack. You were sweaty and dirty and bloody, I was so relieved to see you come back I had to stop myself from running to you." He stopped, swallowing a little as he looked away. "I wanted to...I wanted to kiss you, you were so goddamn beautiful, and I made up my mind that I _would_ kiss you." He pecked her on the cheek, then said, cockily, "And the rest is history. So now you see the power of the boar." His cheeks flushed a little at Kate's somewhat amazed look.

"You remember what I was wearing?"

He hesitated and she could see an earnest remark on his lips but he said, "If I'm gonna mentally undress you, Sweetheart, I gotta know what I'm takin' off." He shook his head, grinning ruefully. "All of that and you're impressed that I remember what you had on?"

She took his hand and held it to her cheek, gazing up at his blue eyes as she said, "Yeah."

He kissed her, his lips lingering on hers, tasting them as he whispered, "You really are one of a kind, Kate. One of a kind."

-----

Ana was beside him holding his hand when he woke up and he jerked in panic against the binds that held him to the bed, groaning in fear until his eyes came into focus and he saw her; afraid but trying to hide it behind a sweet smile. He stopped struggling and smiled at her weakly as she said, "Hey, Jack. You okay?"

He nodded, speechless at how glad he was to find her next to him; she cared, she loved him. He'd been terrified that she would leave, that he'd be doing this for nothng and to find her there waiting; his heart nearly exploded with emotion. "Yeah," His voice was hoarse as she leaned forward, kissing him softly. "I'm so glad you're here."

"Where else would I be?" She untied the binds around his wrists and moved to his feet.

He sat up, groaning a little and rubbing his wrists as she touched the cut over his eyes where he had slammed into the door. "I feel a little woozy," he said, and she slid onto the bed behind him, sliding her hands beneath his shirt and hugging him, her face pressed against the strong muscles of his back. "Ana..." Her hands circled his waist and she could feel his breath evening out gradually as she held him.

"Jack, are you okay, really?" His hands covered hers, playing with her fingers and he nodded. "I was worried about you...I was scared something would go wrong."

"I love you, Ana." He didn't turn to look at her; it was just something he felt he needed to say and her nails scratching gently across his chest was answer enough for him. He leaned back until he was in her lap and pulling her head down to his he kissed her; it quickly grew more frenzied and within minutes they were thrashing frantically around on the cot, a mad tangle of arms and legs and lips and flying clothes.

He was beginning to feel different but he didn't say anything to Ana; he couldn't form any coherent words anyway, not with her skin so hot against his because his senses were heightened, he _felt_ more, every sensation was more vivid, more _real_ than anything he had ever known. Her fingertips blazed like fire and her tongue scorched like the sun and he moaned as she slid over him, sighing softly as he began to move against her, already frantic and frenzied and she cried out, arching her back as he groaned and spasmed, grasping her hair and pulling her mouth to his. It was _too much_, the sensation; he was tingling and shuddering as Ana's tongue met his and he came close to the edge of concoiuosness as she tensed and groaned again, panting as she slumped across his sweaty chest. "Wow."

Her body felt like rubber; she was limp and spent and she just lay, basking, as Jack shuffled around until he got the sheet pulled up over them and he grinned happily as he cuddled with her, holdng her sweaty, pliable body to his and kissing her; each time his lips touched her his emotions would soar and he would pull her closer. "I love you, Ana, " he whispered, trembling against her as his hands slid around her, "Stay with me."

His constant insecurity was sweet and it made her feel protective; his face was buried in her shoulder and he didn't see her eyes begin to glow red like the coals of a campfire as she kissed the top of his head, her hands burning his skin as she said, fiercely, "Oh, Jack, I wouldn't be anywhere else."


	123. Chapter 123

**Chapter 123**  
They were on their way long before the sun rose over the trees, on their way back over the mountain; they had decided that finding a place to set up a headquarters of sorts would be best, someplace far from the Foundation. Kate said it before she even thought. "The Chapel." It made sense, she had always felt safe and right there and it was where she and Sawyer had been happiest. She nodded and said it again. "The Chapel."

"Chapel?" Sara had never been there and this was the first she had heard about it. "There's a chapel here?"

Kate nodded. "Yeah. On the other side of the mountain. It's just ruins, really, but there are four walls and most of a roof."

Shaking her head impatiently Sara said, "The physical building doesn't matter, it's the spirit behind it. It could be two sticks in the ground as long as it has been blessed and consecrated." She eyed the two of them, smiling. "The best place you could possibly be. Nothing can touch you there, nothing _bad_."

Kate smiled happily, she loved it there and she knew Sawyer did too, though he wouldn't admit it they had come to terms with so much of themselves there, the Letter, the baptism, the baby; it was a sacred place to them no matter what its function was originally, it was blessed with _their_ sprits and they were untouchable there. Suddenly she was in a hurry to go. "Let's go then. We can get to the base of the mountain by morning."

Sawyer eyed her carefully; she was tired, dark circles bagged under her eyes and he knew she needed to rest but he also knew the look in her eye and he didn't really have the will to fight her. "Fine," he said, glancing aside at Sara, "but if you get too tired, Kate, we stop. Understand?"

She didn't want to use her waning energy arguing either so she just nodded; the pull to get back to the little stone church was getting more insistent the longer they waited and she was close to running off and letting them try to catch up when Sawyer's hand closed hard around her wrist. "Don't try it, Freckles," he said, and she bit her lip, smiling as she turned her head. He knew her too well.

They set off slowly, Kate in the middle with Sara's arm linked on one side and Sawyer's arm around her waist on the other and she realized they were shielding her, keeping her tight in their grasp and pressing themselves _around_ her. Her heart expanded with love for both of them, making her chest tight and she fought for air, trying not to let Sawyer hear her gasping or he'd make them stop and she didn't want to, she wanted to be at the chapel; suddenly it was _imperative_ that they get there as soon as possible because the Devil was coming and that was the only place they would be safe. She shivered and Sawyer looked at her with concern. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing, really...I was just thinking about Ana." His arm tightened around her just a little. "Why was her...why was she black and red, Sara? I mean I get the black, but why the red?"

Sara considered the question for a few seconds, then she said, "Color has always held great significance in the Bible, in the same manner as numbers, each one is assigned a meaning, a symbolism. White, of course, is the most common, and it's meaning is pretty straightforward, purity and holiness, righteousness."

Kate grinned and squeezed Sara's hand as she gleamed brightly for a second. "That's you for sure."

A frown crossed Sara's face as she continued. "Ana has fallen, and so white is no longer hers; black and red are the colors she carries into battle and their meanings are multitude. Black is the color of death, but also of affliction and bondage, sin and sorrow; does Ana fall willingly or is it a disease? An affliction with no cure? That is where the red comes in, for it is the color of battle and blood but also the color of love and atonement, reconciliation and wisdom; which is Ana's?"

They were all quiet, contemplating , and Kate suddenly said, "It's funny, kind of, that it's you and Ana. I mean, the Jack thing, you know? Like in TV shows when somebody has a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other?"

"I think it's more like that Dickens guy, you know, the Angel of Jack past and the Devil of Jack present," Sawyer said, dryly, as Kate and Sara both looked up at him curiously; he rolled his eyes at their disbelief. "Why does everyone find it so hard to believe that I actually _read_? I'm beginnin' to feel a little insulted." He kissed Kate's forehead and turned to Sara. "I _read_ somewhere that the eyes are the window to the soul. Does our eye color mean somethin'?" He was actually mildly curious about it, everything else seemed to have some sort of meaning around here; maybe this would give them a leg up on things.

Sara shrugged, grinning slyly. "That's a good theory, Sawyer. Try it out. Whose do you want to start with?"

Kate looked up at him with raised eyebrows and he smirked as he said, "Let's start with Jackass. After all, he ain't here so we can fully analyze the information without havin' to worry about hurtin' his feelings." He nodded at Kate wisely. "It's the only way to be sure, Kate."

His eyes were sparkling with devilish glee and she sighed and rolled her eyes at Sara, shrugging. "Okay, then," she said, "Jack." She met Sawyer's eyes again and said, teasingly, "They are brown, aren't they? A beautiful, dark, chocolate brown."

He shot her a look of disgust, making her break into giggles as Sara said, "Yes, his eyes are brown." She laughed a little herself at Sawyer's pissed off expression. "Brown symbolizes the Earth, order, and conventionality."

Sawyer snorted. "Sounds about right." He knew Kate was teasing about Jack, and he had started it, but it still rankled him; she didn't seem to appreciate the fact that Jack was trying to kill her, to kill him, too, if she could make jokes about it. She glanced up at him with affection and he realized that maybe she _did_ grasp it, and the joking was just a way to keep it at bay, to push it aside like she always did, like he always did. "Ana's are brown too. I just thought that meant they were both full of shit."

Kate and Sara both started laughing, and Sara said, "Another good theory. But as with every other color, its meanings are many. It also means repentence, humility, and spiritual death, though those all lead back to the Earth. So, do your best analysis, _Professor Sawyer_, and tell me if that is Jack."

Kate watched him as he thought about it; his beard was getting out of hand and he needed another haircut, she made a mental note to stop briefly by the Eagle Hatch and pick up whatever supplies Ana hadn't already carried off. He was different, so different from the Sawyer that had landed on the Island with her; he even looked different, wild and animal, at ease with nature and the universe, and _happy_. He _was_ a different man; the scared, hurt, angry little boy James had grown into the happy, fulfilled, loving man beside her and she marveled at the change and her role in it.

What she didn't realize was how much she had changed, too; the cold, desperate part of her was still there, it always would be, but it was softer, less edgy. She was content, she didn't want to run anymore, and she trusted someone; that was the most alien thing of all. She completely, totally, one hundred percent put her faith in Sawyer and the fact that she loved him enough to do that took her breath away. But there was more to it than that, something much deeper; she wasn't scared anymore. Frightened, yes, of the future and what it held for her, but not _scared_, not holding back because she was afraid to live, she embraced life with abandon and joy, insted of shying away with fear and terror. She was _alive_, really alive and it was how she was _meant_ to be.

Sawyer had been pondering the question for a while, finally he said, "I hope for Jack's sake that it's referring to conventionality or humility." He winked at Kate. "What about mine?"

"Blue, right?" Sawyer and Kate nodded at the same time, making Sara chuckle. "Alright. Blue is the sky, the heavens. It is all good, Sawyer, divine relation," she smiled, "which would be me, by the way, faithfulness-"

Kate broke in. "And that _better_ be me," she said, giving Sawyer a warning look as he squeezed her tight.

Sara continued, "Heavenly grace, truth...and heavenly love."

Sawyer looked at Kate innocently. "And who do you want _that_ to be, sweetheart?"

Kate didn't answer him. "Sara," she said, glancing aside at her, "your eyes are blue, right?" She nodded and Kate looked back at Sawyer. "See? Maybe she's your heavenly love." She sighed and said, "I won't stand in your way, guys, if it's meant to be..."

She started to pull away, grinning, but Sawyer jerked her back, breathing into her ear. "Don't you dare, Freckles. Just wait until we see what your eyes have to say." He slid his arm possessively around her waist, holdng her tight, and she sighed dramatically.

"Fine, let's hear it then. Green means jealousy, doesn't it?" She gave him a playfully nasty look and he dug his fingers into her side warningly.

"Green is much nicer than that, Kate. It is the color of new life, eternal life. You see, you will live on through Joshua and his sons and daughters, and their sons and daughters, and their sons and daughters until the end of time, and so you will always be a part of life, of rebirth." They were quiet for a few seconds as Kate and Sawyer's eyes met and held, blue and green, heavenly love and new life, and he stopped suddenly, pulling her to him in a tight, desperately loving hug, then just as abruptly he let her go and kept walking, Kate following behind, a little stunned. They drew her back into their shell, wrapping around and protecting her from the world as a little bronze ball flickered through the jungle, landing on Sawyer's shoulder.

-----

They slept in the cot all night, surrounded by the screen; after a while Jack was ready to get _up_, to go, do something, the voices were speaking to him and he felt strong and alert but he didn't want to wake Ana, she needed to sleep and she was so peaceful, so angelic he couldn't bear to leave and so he stayed, pressed against her beneath the sheet.

It was too much and he began to press against her insistently, waking her with his lips on hers and his hands wandering; she strectched against him, languidly, still half-asleep but appreciating the effect it was having as he groaned and attacked her with even more fervor.

The bout of lovemaking sated him for a little while but he was soon itching to go again, to get outside; he eyed the soundly sleeping Ana, wondering...no, he wouldn't wake her up again. Not for a while anyway.

He reclined on his elbow beside her, just watching her breathe as she slept; she was beautiful, so dark, so nebulous and hazy with a shadowy reddish aura, making her appear to be made of bronze in the dim light of the ward. But she wasn't cold, she wasn't metal; he felt the heat of her body next to his and restrained himself from kissing her, waking her again; his energy was insatiable but hers wasn't. Not yet.

He watched her until just before dawn , listening to the Island as it spoke to him, different voices and different advice until his head was swimming and he couldn't wait any longer. "Ana," he whispered into her ear, "Ana, get up. We have to go."

She cracked her eyes and stretched, pressing agasint him as desire flickered through her half-open eyes; he was tempted but he pushed it aside. "We gotta go, get up, okay?"

Her hand snaked beneath the sheet; he may want to leave but she had other ideas. "Why we gotta go?" she mumbled sleepily.

Jack groaned as her hand found its target and sudenly he couldn't remember why they had to go. He couldn't remember where they _were_. He fell on her hungrily and afterwards they lay, sated and spent as Ana lazily ran her fingers over the thatch of hair on his chest, loving the crinkly feel of it on her palm.

Jack sighed and kissed her nose. "I'm sorry, Ana, but we have to go." He left her, reluctantly and started dressing, and she clambered out of the bed too, sighing as she slid on her clothes.

"Why? Why such a hurry?"

"I want it to be just us, Ana. I don't want Locke or Hanso there when I...when I do what I have to." He smiled at her, a little crazily and she backed away from the intensity of his gaze. "I hear the voices, Ana, and they tell me that Locke wants me dead after I kill Kate for them. That's all they want me for, or all he does, anyway. He's second in command now, but he's afraid of me, of the favor I'll get. We have to get there, just the two of us."

She stopped, staring at him as one last bit of reason worked its way into her brain; her shoulders sagged and she said, "Are you sure this is what you want, Jack? I love you no matter what, no matter where. Please don't do this."

He crossed to her and took her in his arms, hugging her so tightly she couldn't breathe as he whispered in her ear, "It's the only way, Ana. They own me, just as much as _you_ own me; this is the only way I can have you now."

There was no resisiting him; he owned her, not the other way around. She had done what she could by warning the others; the rest was up to them. "Okay," she said, kissing him with fierce, reckless passion until Jack finally pulled away, grinning at her wickedly. "Stop that, you."

She smiled back, her eyes glowing faintly; Jack supposed it was the reflection of the dim lights of the ward, and he took her hand before dropping it to feel at his pockets with panic. "He took the card? That bast-"

Ana held it out to him, her face averted at he took it from her, grinning with admiration. "I'm a pretty good pick-pocket," she said, "But it helped that you were shaking like a leaf and half-gone."

His eyes narowed suspiciously and his grin faded. "Why'd you need the card? You go somewhere?"

"No, Jackass," she said, flaring in anger to disguise her sudden panic, why hadn't she slipped the card back in his pocket while he was still asleep? Because she was too wrapped up in him, too worried to think straight. "I was afraid Hanso would take it back so I snagged it before he could."

He seemed to buy it; his eyes relaxed and he smiled. "Sorry. I should have thought of that."

She shrugged, playing pissed off to the hilt until her heart could return to normal. "Whatever, Jack. Always jumping to the wrong conclusion. I guess some things never change."

She saw the hurt and she regretted it, but at least it had taken his mind off of the badge. "Kinda harsh for so early in the morning, Ana." he sighed and took her hand. "We had a wonderful night, didn't we?" She flushed a little as she nodded. "Let's forget the last few minutes happened. Start over, okay?"

She nodded. "Yes." That was fine with her.

He took her hand and they slipped out into the gloomy early morning light, together.


	124. Chapter 124

**Chapter 124**  
Ana followed Jack through the darkened courtyard, letting him lead the way; she didn't want to arouse his suspicions again by seeming like she knew too much about the exits. He went straight to the double doors and pressed the little button, pushing through into the foyer and heading directly for the exit; as he reached it he stopped, taking Ana's hand and kissing her. "Ready?"

She nodded, taking a deep breath and as Jack swung the doors open they dashed across the lawns, stopping only after they reached the deep shadows of the trees. Jack checked behind them to see if they'd been spotted but it didn't seem so; the lawns were empty and quiet and Jack could hear the voices again, and he tried to block them out, they were too confusing as they swirled around in his head. But he was alert, _awake_, as he had never been; every pulse, every beat of the heart of the Island coursed through his veins and he could _feel_ it, snapping through his nerves and senses. He held his arms out, feeling the electricity like raindrops on his skin.

Ana watched him in his rapture and it frightened her even as it intrigued her; what could make Jack feel so fantastic? He was insatiable and she could feel the lust and desire through his fingers, sparking the same feelings in her and she was surprised that they had made it out of the ward in the first place; she touched him, tenatively and jerked her fingers back as if she'd been burned, but then she touched him again, keeping her hand in place and she felt it too, the pulse and beat of the Island beneath her fingers, the _power_ of it and she could see why it intoxicated Jack so. She took her hand away again, the sensation suddenly a little unpleasant and he lowered his arms, smiling. "Didn't like it?"

Her smile was hesitant as she said, "It was...intense." Her fingers were still burning, pulsing and it wasn't so bad now, it was actually kind of nice and she reached out and touched his face, hoping for the same sensation but instead a wave of love crashed over them and they were on each other in an instant, kissing and touching frantically until Jack pulled away, holding a flushed and panting Ana at arms length, grinning madly at her. "No," he gasped, flushed and shaky himself, "we can't now."

He was right, of course, they needed to get going if they were going to catch Kate. Ana was surprised at how her reluctance was fading; she was almost eager to get after them. The taste of power through Jack's skin had aroused her desire to a new level, though not because of the power itself, she didn't care about that, but the way it made him feel to her, they way it made him spark and thrum. It excited him and he excited her and so it was right. She eased back, still smiling slyly at him and said, "Your loss, Jack."

Desire was radiating from her in waves and he forced himself to move away from her as he said, "Don't remind me."

They stared at each other for a few minutes until Jack finally moved, walking deeper into the jungle, listening for Ana's steps behind him; relief poured through him as she caught up, sliding her hand in his and smiling. "So where are we going?"

"To find Kate."

She rolled her eyes at him. "And where would she be, Jack? Are we just going to wander the jungle until we happen to run into them?"

He just smiled. "No, of course not. The Island will tell me where to go eventually. I'll get a sign. Until then we do our best to stay away from Hanso and Locke." He smiled at her somewhat dubious expression. "Don't you want to spend the time with me?"

"Of course I do, Jack. I just want to spend it with you and a bed and a shower and air conditioning." She groaned. "And real food."

He laughed and slid his arm around her shoulder, hugging her close. "I love you, you know that?"

She nodded happily, all concerns for Kate, the baby, her soul gone as his power soaked into her, intoxicating her with love and desire. She wanted him to succeed, if only to increase what she was feeling, the elation and happy freedom she had never had before. "What happens...after, Jack?"

"Sawyer will be weakened. Kate is the source of his power, she's the heart of the beast. Stop the heart, the beast dies." She detected a hint of sorrow in his voice and she had a small tug of regret herself but she pushed it aside as Jack said, "We can finish him then. The war will be over. We'll be heroes."

She nodded, seeing the simplicity of it. "Heroes."

He stopped, turning her to face him. "Gods on Earth, Ana." He grinned, kissing her on the nose. "You'll be an all encompassing Goddess, loved by everyone and with power over them all."

She chuckled, leaning against him, dangerously, as she said, "I don't know if I want all of that." Her heart was quickening at the feel of his chest beneath her and she could feel him tensing, too; leaning back to look into his eyes she said, "I just want you, Jack."

Their resolve almost crumbled as they gazed at each other, so close, so tantalizing; the sun was coming up over the trees and it reflected in Ana's eyes, making them glow eerily red against her black irises and Jack backed away, the spell between them broken. For now. "We'd better keep moving." He paused, seeing the hurt look in her eyes and he cupped her chin, leaning his head against hers. "You have me, Ana. I'm yours."

A flock of birds burst through the trees overhead, flickering through the canopy as they squawked and screeched at each other, wheeling through the branches like little acrobats; just as suddenly they were gone, their racket echoing through the jungle until it faded away too. Jack turned to Ana, looking a little worried. "We should go." He grabbed her hand and they set off quickly through the jungle.

-----

Daylight had just broken as they cleared the tree line and reached the base of the mountain, and Kate was exhausted. She hadn't gotten sick since the first time, ironically enough, here on the mountain, and as the thought crossed her mind her stomach heaved disagreeably and she jerked her arm out of Sawyer's grasp, hurrying to the trees just in time.

Sara rushed to her side and Sawyer started forward uncertainly, just as unsure as the last time, but at least he knew one thing to do; he pulled out a water bottle and got it ready for her, chilled and carbonated. Kate's shoulders were shaking and he kicked himself for letting her push herself so hard; she liked to think she was invincible, superwoman, that nothing could touch her as long as she was with him but he was woefully aware of his own inadequacy when it came to protecting her. Guilt ate him up as she returned, leaning weakly on Sara's shoulder and ghastly white. He was so angry with himself he thrust the water bottle roughly into her hand, growling, "I told you you were too tired, Kate."

She gave him a grim smile, her eyes just dark holes in her pasty white face as she said, "I hope it feels good to be right, Sawyer."

"Yeah, it does," he snapped before he could stop; she looked like she was going to be sick again and he felt ill himself as she pushed Sara gently away, standing on her own, barely.

"Let's go, then," she said, giving him a wounded, angry look, "You know I hate it when you're right." She'd expected a little more sympathy, though deep down she knew what his problem was. It didn't make things better, because after all of this time, all that they had shared and been through they both chose the same old path, the same easy, down-trodden defense mechanism of lashing out in anger and saying things they didn't mean. When the hell were they ever going to really move ahead, really move away from square one? It only took one step, just one of them stopping it, saying _enough_ before it escalated as it inevitably would; the path _always_ led there.

Sawyer was obviously thinking the same thing; he reached out gently and pulled strand of sweaty hair from her face, wincing at the clammy feel of her skin as he said, softly, "What are you doing, Kate?"

She was trembling and pale and she leaned against him as he touched her, his arms enfolding her, holding her up. "I-I don't know." Her eyes rolled back in her head and she went limp in Sawyer's arms. Panic gripped him briefly but her eyelids fluttered and she smiled weakly before passing out again, and he shook his head as Sara helped him lower her gently to the ground.

Sawyer sat beside her, drawing her head into his lap and stroking the hair from her face; Sara handed him a water bottle and he pulled off his shirt, wetting the corner and sponging the clammy sweat from her face. It was his fault, he shouldn't have pushed her, he knew she was exhausted and weak; Sara squatted next to them, she could see the guilty misery on his face as he gazed at Kate and she couldn't bear it. She loved them both, Kate and Sawyer, and she knew what Sawyer was; his light was apparent to her, even if to no one else. "She's stubborn."

Sawyer glanced up at her and nodded then dropped his gaze back to Kate, whose color was coming back as she shifted and muttered, "You see that...horse..." she smiled and rolled over on her side and he sighed with relief to see that her unconciousness had slipped into sleep.

It was hot in the sun and even the trees didn't offer much relief; sweat was soaking through Kate's shirt and even in the early morning she had droplets rolling from her forehead and Sawyer lifted her, cradling her in his arms; the hatch wasn't far and he could carry her, he _wanted_ to carry her. She was snoring softly and her breathing didn't change as he shook his head. "Stubborn doesn't begin to describe it, Professor," he said, grinning over Kate's sleeping body at Sara.

His mind wandered as they walked quietly up the path, and he wondered where Kotori was; he'd sent the little bird off with instructions to round up a few friendly animals and bring them to the Chapel. He made sure to include the horse, quietly, so Kate wouldn't hear, mainly because he wanted to see her face when she saw it; he could already picture her eyes shining with joy and love as she stroked it's silky black coat. He still didn't get exactly what the horse meant to her, but he had the idea that it was something similar to his boar, a release from guilt and an atonement of sorts; she'd been different since then, freer and willing and it hadn't escaped his attention.

They reached the hatch quickly since Sawyer didn't have to slow down purposely for Kate, and during her time on the island Sara had gotten pretty good at keeping up so they made good time. He carried the still-sleeping Kate into the Crater room; the bed he had dragged down for them was still there and he lay her on it gently, slipping her shoes off and covering her with the thin, cheap blanket. Her eyes fluttered open briefly and she smiled at him, mumbling something incoherently but he got the gist of it and he kissed her softly, before whispering, "Go back to sleep, baby. I'm not going anywhere."

Sara watched them for a second, almost feeling like an intruder as she often did, and it wasn't anything that they were doing in particular or on purpose; they were just so _together_ that anything or anyone else around them was just unnecessary, an invader, and she cleared her throat, looking away from the tender scene as Kate's eyes closed again. "I'm gonna go take a shower," she said, quietly, and Sawyer smiled up without really seeing her before he dropped his eyes back to Kate.

As he watched her a new sense of responsibility dawned on him; he was supposed to take care of her, make sure that she took care of herself. She had avoided morning sickness for the most part until today and it was because she had pushed herself too hard and he should have stopped her. He _knew_ he should have stopped her and he didn't and that was on him. He vowed to take more of a hand in things, to _make_ her take it easier, and he was almost ready to pick her up and carry her to the chapel if it would ease her mind and make her feel safer.

His hand was on her belly unconciously, feeling for little Joshua, searching for the spark of life like he was afraid that his mother's insane actions might have taken their toll but no, he was there, the little blip of life that was a part of Kate, but not a part of her; a part of him but not completely him either. He smiled as Kate's eyes opened and she beamed faintly at the feel of his rough hand against her belly. "Do you feel him?" she whispered.

He nodded, his eyes suddenly blurry and he kissed her, softly, his lips just barely grazing her as he whispered back, "I'm _sorry_, Kate." Her eyes filled too and he added, "For waking you up." It was for so much more and they both knew it, more than their stupid little argument today, more than whatever dumb thing they would argue over tomorrow, it was for everything he had ever done, for outing her, for tricking her, for pushing her away, for ever leaving her in the first place. She understood it, as he held her, and he kissed her again before sitting back and shakily wagging his finger at her. "Go to sleep, Freckles. You're sleeping for two now."

She rolled her eyes, sleepily, and said, "Thanks for the advice, Dr. Spock." Her belly was still comfortably warm where his hand had been and she could _feel_ him, too, the little life, and she was already dozing off as Sawyer said, "Dr. Spock? What the hell does Star Trek have to do with anything?"

-----

The animals began to gather in the shadows around the chapel all through the day and they were ready, this was what they had been preparing for since the last battle, which they had won, but still lost; they were prisoners of the Island, trapped and as creatures of nature they understood that it was unnatural, what had been done to them was abnormal and they longed to be freed from the slavery of it.

They knew, as animals instinctively do, what would happen, how it would end if the Island was destroyed and they welcomed it, and so they welcomed Sawyer, too, for they knew who he was. He was the Son.

So there was a chimp, reclining in the shade of a nearby mango tree, plucking and eating the fruit while he waited; a couple of foxes, sitting recessed in the bushes like statues, the only sign of life the flicking of their bottle-brush tails; a softly grunting boar that was busily rooting up the earth around the chapel, oblivious to the other animals gathering in the shadows; a gaggle of tree frogs, skreeking and croaking in a strangely muted chorus; a great white owl sat in the high branches of a tree, gazing down at the chapel with wide, unblinkingly pale eyes; birds of every shape and size flittered from branch to branch, twittering quietly in the early morning sun.

The glade fell silent as the horse trotted into the sunlight, the beams dappling on his glossy coat as he whinnied and snorted and trotted restlessly, majestically around the chapel, snorting and bellowing as he did. There was a brief silence and all of the animals melted into the jungle to keep their vigil as they waited for the Son to come home.


	125. Chapter 125

**Chapter 125**  
After Kate went back to sleep Sawyer crawled into the rickety old recliner, though he didn't dare to try and actually recline it; memories of the last time he had been in it were painful enough, to say the least. He kept his word to Kate, staying beside her, watching over her until she woke; she was so peaceful and beautiful he almost didn't want her to wake; he wanted her to stay in whatever dream it was that was making her smile so sweetly in her sleep.

Sara finished her shower and crept down the stairs expecting to find them both asleep in the bed; instead she found Sawyer, wide awake and gazing at Kate with a rapt, delighted stare as she stirred and mumbled incoherently. Sawyer looked up as Sara come close and he grinned and sat back in the chair, tearing his intense eyes from Kate as he said, low, "How was your shower?"

Sara grinned, toweling her hair gently. "Fabulous," she whispered back, "I feel like a new woman."

He grinned and turned his eyes back to Kate; they were drawn to her, like magnets and he couldn't keep them away. She was mumbling and moving restlessly and it worried him a little, especially when she said clearly, "Please don't kill it, Sawyer. Don't..." she broke into a smile in her sleep and her voice drifted back into a mumble. "Knew...you'd...right..."

Sawyer glanced up at Sara. He had an idea of what Kate was dreaming about and he thanked God again that he hadn't killed that boar, or whoever it was; he hadn't known Kate was watching but he'd known she was near and when he thought of _her_ what little desire to kill he had was gone, and he saw through her eyes what he was doing, how wrong it was and he had a flash of insight into himself. He wanted to be good, for her; he knew it even then, and if he spared the boar, the reminder of his biggest mistake, his guilt and self-hatred, then maybe, just maybe, he would be redeemed enough to deserve her.

It hadn't worked right away, of course, though he could tell she was proud and glad that he hadn't done it, but once they were back in camp it was as if nothing had changed between them; she went back to Jack and he went back to being hated and miserable, so miserable until the only thing he could think about was leaving, getting away from her. Her and Jack.

It was why he outed her, too, though he hated himself for it every day; he wanted to hurt her as much as she was hurting him, he wanted _her_ to feel the misery of being snubbed by the very people she thought cared and he did it, exposed her to a beach full of strangers and it was so cruelly satisfying, to see her loathed and hated, that he _hated_ himself for it because he loved her.

He tried, once more before he left, to see if she cared, if she wanted him to stay; he was afraid he had blown it, had destroyed any chance he had and that was okay with him, too, because it made it easier to leave her, easier to sail away and leave her behind, with Jack, because that was who she really wanted anyway. His point was proven when she went with Jackass into the jungle instead of coming to tell him goodbye; as he scanned the beach for her his heart broke and he guessed she had taken his words, his stupid, hurtful, _untrue_ words to heart, that she wasn't worth staying for, that she wasn't _worth_ it.

When Michael had asked him, on the raft, if he wanted to die, it had been so easy to say yes.

Kate stirred again, mumbling, and he jerked out of his thoughts and focused on her, what was past was past and she loved him, now; she had found her way to him anyway, and he realized that it had happened the way it did for a reason because the only way for Kate to break through the wall she had built around herself was to think that she had lost him, to let herself feel guilty for driving him away and, like Tom, causing his death, however indavertently. Only then did she realize that she _did_ want him, she did -love?- him and when he returned she was ready; ready to accept him, accept _them_.

And it all started with the boar. That wonderful, beautiful, ugly-ass boar.

"What didn't she want you to kill?" Sara's voice was soft and kind; whatever Kate was mumbling about had struck a chord with Sawyer.

He glanced up at her, sharply, then relaxed as he saw Sara's gentle smile; he had to remind himself sometimes that he didn't have to shield Kate from _everyone_. Lowering his eyes back to Kate, he said, "A boar."

Sara nodded, then sat cross-legged on the floor across the bed from him; she touched Kate's hand briefly, then smiled. "I was in a car accident a few years ago. Four, to be exact." He wasn't surprised; four was a big number for them. "My spine was crushed and I was told that I would never walk again." Sawyer looked up at her and she smiled again, nodding her head slowly, her eyes faraway. "Jack fixed me. He made me whole again." She stared into space for a few seconds, then shook her head, coming back to reality. "Anyway, I was laid up for a long time, of course, and I started having these really terrible nightmares, about fish dying in a dirty aquarium and me swinging a mallet at it, and it broke all over my bed, which I had been making on the floor and then a jackal came in and started eating the fish...anyway, it was horrible, and I had it every night, so since I was trapped in bed anyway I started reading up on dreams and what they mean, trying to figure out exactly what it was I was trying to tell myself."

He had torn his eyes from Kate and he was staring at Sara instead. "Did you ever figure out what your dream meant?"

She nodded, almost imperceptibly. "Yeah. Too bad I didn't follow my own advice." A wan smile crossed her face and she said, "The aquarium symbolized short-lived pleasures, becasue fish die so quickly. I was swinging the mallet and that meant domestic disharmony, and since I was swinging into the aquarium it meant that my domestic bliss would be a short-lived pleasure."

He pressed her. "And the pallet? The bed you were making?"

She looked a little embarrassed and turned her head. "A bed on the floor meant I was in danger of losing a loved one through my own actions." Her face was red and she didn't look at Sawyer as she said, "Pair that with short-lived domestic harmony and I guess you get the picture."

For once he didn't feel like making a joke, instead he asked, "What about the jackal? Or did that just mean Jack?" The joke came anyway, it was natural. "Nah, it would have been a Jackass, then, right?"

She smiled, despite herself. Sawyer was infectious, sometimes. "A jackal means someone will use you, feed off you to further their own career. When Jack...fixed me, it was a miracle. He married me then turned all of his attention to miracle working, trotting me out like a prize pony whenever he needed a display model." She hung her head. "I don't mean to make it sound all bad...I did love him, once. I still do." They were quiet for a minute, then she touched Kate's hand again. "Kate's been dreaming about a boar?"

Sawyer nodded, his eyes on her again; the slight rise and fall of her chest as she snored softly, the sunlight shining in her hair, turning it a dark, burnished amber as it framed her face, her fingers curled around the corner of the pillow, holding it tight under her head, her spattering of freckles so clear on her tanned skin that he could count them like the stars on a clear, moonless night, and he kissed her, softly, without realizing he was doing it. "Yeah. And a horse. _The_ horse."

"They mean something to her? The horse and the boar?"

Grinning, he nodded. "Yes. To both of us."

"They may not mean the same in a dream as they do in your life, but they are strong symbols anyway. Animals always are, because they represent the primal, wild side of our subconcious. Your most secret, primitive self, and yet aspects of your everyday life too." She stopped and smiled at him. "Do you want me to tell you? I mean, we don't know her entire dream, but I can at least tell you what the two animals mean."

He nodded. He knew the significance to them, their own meanings, but he was curious about the other things they symbolized, and if Kate was dreaming about them it could be important. "Yeah, I do. And I might be able to fill you in on what the dreams are about, too."

Sara nodded. Her dream hed been somewhat prophetic and she wanted to do anything she could to help them, give them an advantage. "Okay, where do you want to start?"

He shrugged. "Well, I can tell you what I _think_ she may be dreaming about. The horse, first."

Sara nodded. "Okay, first, let me give you an overview about what a horse symbolizes. When you think of a horse, what comes to mind? Hard working, free-sprited, independent, _intelligent_, selfish, cunning, a love to run...sound familiar?"

He frowned. "Way too familiar. You've seen it, right? What does a black horse mean?"

"Mystery, wildness. She may be taking a chance, a gamble in an area where she's never been before. There are many interpretations, Sawyer. Tell me what you think the dream is."

"Well, I know she was in the jungle, picking fruit for me when I was in the hatch, after the Others shot me. She said she saw a horse, a big black one."

Sara nodded, her hand taking Kate's softly. "The jungle is troubling...of course it could just be because we're _in_ the jungle...anyway, the walking, or being on foot in the jungle signifies the need to cut a present romantic entanglement before it gets to be trouble. Then she saw the horse? Well, she cut her present entanglement for the mystery and wildness of the unknown. What happens then?"

It wasn't her dream and they both knew it but played along; he wanted to know what it meant, her horse and his boar, what did they _really_ mean? "She came to me in the hatch and I woke up to her." He skipped over the other stuff, impatient to know what _he_ meant, though he really already knew.

Sara smiled, shaking her head. "I get the feeling there's more to it than that but I'll let it go." She sighed. "I guess love or affection would be best there, since that is obviously why she came back to you." Yeah, Sawyer thought to himself, that and Wayne. "Do you think her coming back was a declaration of her feelings for you?"

He smirked, "No, but she pretty much declared them anyway." He looked aside at Sara, shyly. "She don't know I heard all that though. Don't say anythin', okay?"

"Okay. So she declared her feelings for you, kind of, and that signifies success, happiness. So altogether I'd say this was a pretty encouraging..._dream_." She recounted it. "She decided to break off a current romance to take her free-spirited, selfish, cunning self into a new, mysterious territory, to take a chance at something she'd never known and she was successful and happy. Sounds like a pretty damn good dream to me."

He was looking at Kate in a new way; he's never considered the chance she was taking on him, the step she was taking from that 16th story ledge into thin air, hoping he would catch her; he hoped he hadn't disappointed her. "Okay. What about the boar?"

"Well, " she began, smiling, "The boar. He is a bit wilder, more savage than our dear, domesticated horse. He can mean sexual energy, dirtiness, 'piggish' behaviour, or he can mean strength and vitality, confidence and value. And chivalry."

He abandoned all pretense of discussing a dream. "I was going to kill it. I had the gun in my hands, pointing it and I couldn't do it. Not again." He looked at her desperately.

"You were in the jungle too?" He nodded. "It means the same as Kate's...you needed to stop some sort of entanglement, though I don't think it was romantic, was it?"

"No."

"You needed to end a relationship of some kind, and you were holding a loaded gun. A loaded gun symbolizes the need to hold your temper, to keep control. Did you do that?"

"Yes." His voice was just a whisper.

"Do you think you are like the boar, Sawyer? Do his traits sound familiar? Because I think they fit you perfectly. So maybe you didn't want to kill _yourself_, maybe you realized that you had something to live for. You weren't alone, were you?"

He turned his anguished, cautiously happy eyes to her. "No. Kate was there. She...saved me." He began to cry silently, and Sara looked away, smiling, as he said, "Again."

Kate's voice mumbled up from the pillow and she said, sleepily, "Would you two shut up? I'm trying to have my own dream here and all I can hear is a bunch of babbling about boars and horses." She rolled her face up to Sawyer's and her sleepy grin faded at his expression, and he slid from the recliner, wrapping Kate in his arms and kissing her, hard. "Are you okay, James? What's wrong?"

He sighed, holding her close. "Nothin', baby. I was just...I was just thinking about you."

She was already fading away and she murmured, "Whatever, James...I heard all of it." A sleepy grin crossed her face and she slipped back into peaceful dreamland. "_I_ think you're like a boar. Bristly..and with...sharp..." her words trailed off as her breathing evened out and she slept.

Sawyer shook his head at Sara, as Kate began to snore, and he grinned. "Minx. She's always gotta have the last word." He kissed her sleeping cheek and slid back up in the recliner to keep watch until she woke again.

-----

Being on the move gave Jack an outlet for his newfound energy, and though he didn't _mind_ the other outlet, as much as he _loved_ the other outlet, it didn't really get them anywhere; they moved quickly, and Ana was beginning to wonder if he had a specific place in mind.

They didn't touch while they were going; it was too tempting, even with the physical excercise they were getting; any time their hands brushed or they bumped together, anything, and it was instant lust; they had learned to keep their distance because they both wanted it, too much, and once they gave in they wouldn't move again.

They were moving slightly to the southwest, and Ana said, "Jack, where are we going? I'm sure Kate and Sawyer probably headed back over the mountain."

He didn't pause or even look back at her. "I was thinking about the map Locke had, with the Foundation and the Zoo on it? There was another mountain hatch and I want to see what's in it without Locke and Hanso tagging along."

"Oh," she said, then added, "What about Kate?"

He shrugged. "She'll still be there. Locke and Hanso can't do anything about her without me so I guess they'll just have to wait." He glanced back. "Why, you in a hurry? I thought you didn't want me to hurt the baby."

"I don't. I just want this to be...done." She had stopped and he came back, not quite all the way to her; even looking at each other was dangerous and he smiled as he kept his distance.

"Ana." He paused, not quite sure how to proceed. "Do you know what will happen to me after I...after I do it? Locke will start pushing to get me out. And he will kill me. And you. So we need leverage, something to make us valuable to them, okay?"

She nodded, suddenly scared; not only did she have to worry about Sawyer, now Locke was thrown in too. "I just want you, Jack. Whatever we have to do for that to happen."

His meager resistance crumbled and he went to her, taking her in his arms and she was stunned by the _power_ that coursed through her at his touch; it intoxicated him and through him, her, and she felt drunk as he kissed her and they fell to the jungle floor.


	126. Chapter 126

**Chapter 126**  
Jack and Ana dressed quickly after their tryst, grinning at each other like fools as they pulled on their clothes; satisfied for the time being they kept pushing through the jungle, headed for the other mountain hatch.

He had a bare recollection of where it was, he had pored over the map with Locke but trying to find a tiny hatch in the side of a mountain wasn't going to be easy. He seemed to remember it being somewhere near the pass Rousseau had pointed out to Kate and Sawyer on their way to the pit and he angled them that way, hoping the Island was giving him the right directions.

Locke figured that this hatch was like The Eagle, a surveillance system, but Jack thought differently; why would they need two of those? This hatch had been _erased_ from the map, a hole torn in the paper, and maybe that meant something; maybe this hatch was something _more_. The desire for power was beginning to get to Jack, and part of it was the whispered warnings about Locke; he was a little worried, not so much for himself, but for Ana, because Locke would make sure she was dead too and he couldn't bear the thought of losing her, even if he was dead himself. His only option was to take Locke out first, the more he thought about it, he would make himself invaluable by ridding Hanso of a contentious thorn in his side who was more concerned with offing his percieved competition than working together to further their goal., and at the same time he would increase his and Ana's safety.

He could feel her beside him; he didn't have to look. The drug was coursing, now, and he was feeling stronger, and he was...transparent as he moved, his feet not making a sound even on the carpet of dried and cracking sticks. Muscles and tendons contracted and released effortlessly as he slid silently through the jungle, listening to the whispers; one of them was familiar and he stopped dead, Ana almost running into him.

"What?" she said, not feeling the sexual charge from him as she ususally did; she had been bumping into him and brushing against him on purpose, thrilling in the lusty, electric feel of him, the chills it sent through her; now there was nothing, he was like a dead battery and it frightened her. "What's wrong?"

"I heard...someone." He cocked his head, as if it would help him hear voices in his head, and he tried to concentrate on it, to filter it out from the others. "I heard my father." His stomach was like a stone; his father's words had not been good ones.

"What did he say?" Ana slid her hand in his, and squeezed it as she smiled down at her, but she could see it wasn't a real smile, it didn't reach his eyes.

"I couldn't understand him. I just heard his voice." It was a lie; he had heard perfectly fine, he didn't _want_ to hear the words because they were wrong, his father had _always_ been wrong when it came to him. He _did_ have what it took, he was good enough, and he shook his head, pushing his father away, blocking out his voice as he smiled at Ana's hand in his and he raised his eyebrows at her.

She pulled it away and backed off as lusty energy exploded through him again and she shook her head; as much as she wanted him she needed a break unless they were going to stop walking. For a while. "No, Jack, let's keep going." He looked disappointed, petulant, and she laughed, cocking her eyebrows back. "There may be a shower there."

The hurt look vanished and he grinned at her. "Yeah. Shower." He ran his eyes up and down her body, sweaty in the noonday sun and still a little flushed from their earlier lovemaking; she was beautiful, and that faint, reddish aura was still around her, making her skin glow with a coppery shine but it wasn't that, it was the look she had, a lusty, longing, loving look and in that instant if she had asked him for anything, anything at all he would have given it to her without a second thought.

The moment passed and he looked away, though with an effort, and they started walking again; they were nearing the edge of the jungle and he could see the tops of the mountains through the trees and he smiled as they emerged from the shady humidity of the jungle into the blazing sun because the pass was right in front of them. He noticed the landmark Rousseau had mentioned and he knew this had to be it; it was a gigantic boulder and as they drew closer he could see the carvings of all of the ships and planes, and two of them looked fresh. He took a closer look, and swallowed hard as he recognized Cassidy's fishing boat, broken into pieces, and a small plane with an Oceanic logo on it. Sara's plane.

Ana was gazing in horror at a different plane; it was theirs, split in three, and she remembered the video, from the hatch, of the bodies and baggage falling from the broken aircraft, she turned to Jack and buried her face in his chest, all lust and desire gone for the moment as she tried to shove away the feelings of horror and sadness. His arms encircled her and held her close and she relaxed, just a bit, as he kissed the top of her head and took her hand, gently disengaging from her. "You alright?" She nodded, keeping her eyes averted from the stone. "Okay. Let's go. I think it's just up the pass."

Ana's heart was still thudding sickeningly against her stomach; it wasn't the crash itself that bothered her, it was all of the others, all of the ones who had died. She felt a little guilty for living when they weren't, even though she didn't know any of them; what made her so special? What made any of them so specail? If there was ever a person on the Earth that didn't deserve to survive something like that it was her; she was a murderer, no matter how she tried to spin it, no matter how she treid to justify it to herself, she was a murderer. She should have died in that crash, she _deserved_ to die in the crash, and the knowledge of what they were going to do didn't help with her opinion of herself, or of Jack.

Her faith in the Island flickered. What if what they were doing was wrong? She loved Jack, and God knows she wanted him more than anything else in the world, but was he really worth her soul? Was he worth her falling?

He felt her falter and stopped, turning to her with a smile. "What's wrong, Ana?" he said, softly, advancing on her.

She smiled and tried to wave it off, how had he known? Could he feel her? Read her? "Nothing. I was just thinking."

His smile was...cool, as he approached her slowly, like a hunter stalking his prey. She wasn't _scared_, but she was concerned, he was looking a little crazed suddenly. "Having a little crisis of faith?" He was still speaking softly but his voice was chilly as he took her hand, sending a wave of desire through her.

"N-no." He knew the effect his touch was having and he pulled her close, pressing his hot, sweaty, hard body against hers; she could feel him through his damp shirt and she could smell him, his musky, dark smell and it tickled her senses, making her craving for him grow.

"That's good," he whispered into her ear, sending chills down her back; her breathing became ragged as his hands slid beneath her shirt. "If you left me, Ana, do you know what I would have to do?"

His tongue flicked her ear and his breath was hot on her neck and she groaned as his hands slid higher. "Yes." His insistent lips cut off her groan and he slid his hands around to her back, digging his fingers into her skin, hard.

"I'd have to kill you, Ana, and then myself." Trembling spasms shook her as his lips traveled down her neck, resting on her throat as he said, "I've gone too far to go back, and I won't let you go without me." It was fierce but desperate, too, and Ana grasped his face, pulling his eyes to hers.

"I will never leave you, Jack." She kissed him, softly, and she knew it was true; she could never leave him willingly, no matter what her doubts and fears. He owned her, body and...well, not soul. Someone else owned that already. "Never."

"Okay." He stared at her for a second, feeling the familiar tug of lust and he pulled away from her, inclining his head at the path. "Shall we to the shower?"

She returned his stare for a minute, letting the desire ebb before trusting herself to talk. "Yes, Jack. To the shower."

-----

Sara wandered off and Sawyer stayed in the recliner, watching Kate until he dozed off too; the sun was warm through the glassed in ceiling but pleasantly so and it was quiet and peaceful, just himself and the beautifully sleeping Kate.

Sometime while he was napping Kate stole into his lap, dragging the cheap blanket with her; when he opened his eyes she was curled in his lap, her head resting on his chest, sleeping sweetly with the blanket wrapped around them. He didn't move, he didn't want to wake her, and only partly because she needed to keep sleeping; he didn't want her warm weight to move from his lap, the comforting burden of her body holding him to Earth to leave. She was his tether to reality; without her he would simply float away into oblivion, disappear into the atmosphere, become nothing in the vast space of nothingness and so he kept still, basking in the soild tangibility of her body resting against his.

He pushed away all of their worries and concerns and just concentrated on thoughts of her, of them, of what they could be; he tried to see them together, in the future but he could never picture them away from the Island, it seemed unnatural for them to be anywhere else. The little house with a white picket fence? Wrong. An apartment, all glass and metal and cheap carpet? It didn't fit. An old, rambling farmhouse? Close, so close, but still not right; the only way he could picture her was in the woods, in the lush green jungle, sweaty and dirty and _free_, and he realized why none of those other places worked; they were cramped, confining and claustrophobic, and he knew Kate would never be happy living like that, so trapped, so restrained. So what would they do? Go live in the woods somewhere, build a grass hut and live like hermits? And what made him think that they would be able to settle anywhere, anyway? Kate was a fugitive and he didn't think they'd take a lot of pity on her for being pregnant or for what she'd been through; the eyes of justice only saw black and white, and Kate was about as gray as she could get.

His head was spinning and he wondered for the zillionth time why they didn't just stay here, just be together here, where the dangers were considerable, yes, but less so than the real world, where the dangers were multiplied and just as lethal. He had a sudden vision of Kate, in prison, seeing their son through bulletproof prison glass while he held him; she would _die_ in there, literally and figuratively; she'd never get out, but she would be dead long before then anyway, broken from being penned, caged; her heart would die long before her body. He shivered, pushing away the vision. It was just another temptation, just another trick of the Island to get into his head, like Cassidy and Frank; he would _never_ let those bastards get their hands on Kate anyway.

So what would they do? What Kate was best at, they would run. He could work cons anywhere, the world was full of suckers with a lot of money and no sense, though he supposed he would have to change his methods somewhat; he didn't imagine Kate would like him screwing a bunch of rich women even if it _was_ for her. In a twisted kind of way. It didn't matter though; after Kate how could he even think about touching another woman? The thought made his skin crawl. He doubted if he could even _act_ like he wanted them, and for a man there was a pretty tell-tale sign that he wasn't really interested.

What really bothered him, though, about the plan was that it put them right back where they started. All of the progress, all of the changes they'd experienced would be for nothing if they just fell back into their old ways, back into old, self-destructive patterns. There would be one difference, though, one huge difference; they would have each other. Sure, they would fall back, fall _down_, but Kate would be there for him, and he for her. They wouldn't be _alone_ and that made all of the difference in the world.

He glanced down and found Kate's eyes open, watching him as he stared off into space; he smiled at her bleary-eyed grin. "Hey, Freckles. Sleep good?"

Her grin turned a little impish as she stretched, being sure to move against him as much as possible and she sighed as she snuggled back into him. "Yeah. I was kinda tired." Her look almost dared him to say something.

He couldn't resist a dare. "I was thinking suicidal, Kate." He shook his head at her glare and squeezed her. "You don't have to push so hard," he said, softly, as his lips brushed against hers, "Let me take care of you. Of everything." It flashed in front of him again, the vision of her in prison, caged and dead, and he shuddered, kissing her with more intensity as his hand slid beneath the blanket, cupping her belly. "Please, Kate, please take it easy. You scared me to death back on the path, when you fainted." He rubbed his warm, rough hand along the smooth, taut skin of her stomach, making her shiver with pleasure and desire. "Promise me."

She shifted so that she was straddling him, her knees on either side of his hips, and she kissed him, tenderly, sighing as his hands circled her waist, pushing up under her tank as he caressed her. She met his eyes and froze; fear and worry shone from them, and love, and she smiled as she melted. "I promise, James. I...I want you to take care of me."

That floored him more than anything else possibly could have; she was giving over to him, letting him take the reins and it was startling, for her to put her trust and faith in him so completely was a shock and his first instinct was to back away, to back off, but that was Sawyer, and he wasn't Sawyer anymore. He was James, and James kissed Kate gently, then took her face in his hands. "I'm going to, baby." He kissed her again and she could feel the change in him, the newfound responsibility and she could tell he was scared, still so scared but he was doing it anyway and she returned his kiss with suddenly intense passion, tightening her knees on his thighs as his hands crept further up under her shirt. James took a step back as their kiss moved into Sawyer territory, and he said, "You feelin' dirty, sweetheart?"

She laughed, breathlesssly, and nodded; he stood, holding her to him, her legs wrapping around his waist as she buried her face in his neck, breathing him in, feeling his hands exploring gently as he supported her weight and started moving towards the shower. "I love you, James," she whispered, and he nearly tripped up the stairs as his knees went weak at his name; even after all of this time it got to him when she called him James in her breathy, sexy murmur and he suddenly couldn't wait to get her in the shower; turning on the stairs he leaned her back against the wall, using it to hold her in place as his hands started moving all over, caressing her, touching her, making her moan softly with anticipation as his mouth found hers, flicking her tongue and lips before crushing into her.

He panted against her, trying to find the will to tear himself away long enough to get her the rest of the way upstairs but she took the upper-hand, dropping her legs from around his middle and backing up the stairs, their mouths still locked together. She backed into the bunkroom, her hands reaching out to flip the switch and they both jumped as Sara cleared her throat, chuckling as they broke apart, looking a little embarrassed. "Hi."

She was reclined in one of the bunks, reading a book she must have found in the hatch somewhere; as they both reddened just a little she swung her legs out of the bunk, sitting on the edge, the book in her lap, her finger inserted between the pages to hold her place. Sawyer could see the title, _Occurance at Owl Creek Bridge_. "Good book?"

She shrugged. "It's good. We've actually read this in class. I always enjoyed it so I thought I'd give it a spin again." She chuckled. "There wasn't much else to choose from either. Mostly science textbooks. And some romance novels. I hate those."

Sawyer laughed. "I actually read some of those myself." He cocked an eyebrow at Kate's snicker. "Hey, those things are like a handbook on how to get a woman in bed. Really."

Kate rolled her eyes and turned back to Sara. "You okay? Hungry? I can-" she stopped and closed her eyes as she smiled and amended herself. "James can go get us some fruit." She glanced back at him and he was smiling, nodding his head at her happily.

Sara shook her head. "No, I'm good. I think I'll go down and read in the sunlight for a while. You two..." she smiled, wickedly. "Well, you two just do whatever it was you were going to do anyway." She winked at them and disappeared down the stairs.

Sawyer watched her go, a slight grin twitching at the corners of his mouth. "You know, she's pretty...understanding, for an angel." He nudged her in the ribs. "Seein' as how we're livin' in sin and all."

"What we're doin' ain't a sin, Tex," she drawled, teasing him.

"Yes it is." He wasn't joking anymore; the desire was back, with a vengeance, and he grabbed her hand, dragging her into the bathroom and he turned the water on, letting it run until it started heating up, then he went to get Kate. She was going through the medicine cabinet, looking for something in particular, and she found it; a pair of scissors, and wonder of wonders, a razor. "What are you doing?"

She almost laughed at the somewhat panicky look on his face. "You look like Chewbacaca. It's time for some grooming." She opened the cabinet under the sink and crowed with delight. "Look, I even found shaving cream."

"I don't think so, Freckles."

She sighed, set the things down on the counter of the sink and said, "Alright." Her hands snaked up over his chest and she kissed him drawing him closer...then she snagged the front of his shirt and pulled away, dragging him to the closed toilet seat, and pushing him down on it. "Don't you ever learn, James?"

He grinned, giving in, letting her take care of him in the way she wanted; he really didn't mind, it was just so much more _fun_ if they resisited a little. "You might want to turn off the shower, if you want any hot water later."

She eyed him with frank distrust and he laughed, kissing her belly as it hovered in front of his face. "You _better_ not run." She disappeared into the shower then reappeared a second later as it shut off, obviously very relieved to find him still there. She picked up the shaving cream and the razor and hesitated, as if not really sure where to begin.

"You ever shave someone before?" He could see the uncertainty on her face and he softened; she so obviously wanted to do this, to do _something_ for him, he couldn't take it away from her, so when she shook her head he didn't respond with a smartass remark or a joke, he said, "Wet it first, just a little." She dampened a washcloth she had found and sponged his face with it, gently; she was bent, leaning over his knees and he opened them, drawing her in between and closing them again, holding her in place. "Now, lather up your hands with the cream and spread it out."

She squirted a little of the shaving cream into her hands, lathering it up; his legs were clamped around hers and she was glad because the feel of him, even through jeans, was making her knees watery. His beard was rough beneath her hands and she lathered him up, maybe a little more than was necessary, but she loved the feel of it, the bristly wet hair beneath her palm and he finally said, dryly, "I think that's good. It don't have to be a bubble bath." The truth was he was impatient for it; there was something incredibly erotic about it, about her uncertainty, his instructions to her; he wanted to feel her hands on his bare skin, he had never felt her fingers on him like that.

She picked up the razor, and hesitated again; she was feeling the same erotic, sexy desire as Sawyer; this was so intimate, so _domestic_, and it was exciting at the same time as it was frightening, at how close they had become, how much a part of one another, and she cocked her eyes at Sawyer, waiting for instructions. "Now what?"

He smiled and took her hand, and he guided it to the side of his face. "Slowly, Freckles. Start here," He motioned to his cheek and said, "Draw the razor with the direction of the hair," holding her hand he placed it on the edge of his stubble and drew her hand down, slowly, his heart beating with excitement as Kate's breath grew ragged and he pulled her hand away, letting it go. "Rinse it off." She ran it under the sink. "Now do the same thing." His voice was low and husky and his knees tightened around her legs, closer, and his hands went around her waist, spanning it with his fingers.

She continued, moving with slow, languid movements, drawing it out; she knew it was affecting him as much as her and she moved seductively, leaning against him as much as she could, shivering as his hands slid up beneath her tank, caressing her and teasing her; time stopped for them as they forgot the world; only they existed, only they mattered.

She finally finished, and without a single nick or cut; she wiped the rest of the shaving cream from his face with the damp washcloth and froze. He was like a stranger, and it was disconcerting to see him that way, stubble-less. He hadn't been like that since they crashed and it was _weird_.

Sawyer noticed her expression. "What's the matter, Kate? You don't like it?"

"I love it," she whispered, breathlessly, and her hand caressed his now-smooth cheek, eyes a little wide. "It's just so _different_."

He couldn't wait any longer; the feel of her hand against his skin was too much; the passion and barely suppressed desire burst and he grabbed her, pulling her into the shower and turning it back on. She squealed as the water blasted onto them , clothes and all, and as the water re-heated quickly he kissed her, drawing her beneath the shower and pulling her tank up and over her head, dropping it to the shower floor; she started to protest but what did it matter, really?

The rest of their clothes came off rapidly, joining the shirt on the shower floor; he pressed her back and she gasped as her back touched the cold tile. Sawyer pulled her up, a little, and slid his hand behind her, keeping her from touching the cold ceramic as he kissed her again, with more ardor, and the simple act, the tiny little gesture of protection drove her wild and she kissed him back with a sudden passion that surprised him with its fierceness and desire.

The water turned colder and they didn't care; they had long since moved to the bedroom and the water muffled their cries of passion as they shuddered and groaned together; as Kate lay, sated and content on his chest, her hands still caresing his cheeks with wonder she said, "Don't think that's getting you out of a haircut, Tex."

Wickedly he grinned at her, his hands caressing her hair as it spread around him and he said, "Let the water heat back up again, Freckles, then you can do anything you want."

Her own smiled was impishly mischievious as she said, nodding., "I'll remember you said that, James."


	127. Chapter 127

**Chapter 127**  
Sara spent some time exploring the hatch while Kate and Sawyer were...occupied upstairs; curiosity had been eating at her when they were here the first time but she hadn't wanted to explore while Locke and everyone else was around. Now she had everything but the bedroom to herself and she began poring through every cabinet and cubbyhole she could find, seeking out the hideyholes; being a teacher made her almost as good as a cop and finding illicit hiding places.

There wasn't much to find, though, and as her enthusiasm waned after only scaring up a couple of books, _Beginner's Guide to Backgammon_ and _The Return of the King_. Holding _Return of the King_ in her hand and flipping through it she wonderd idly of the other two parts were floating around somewhere on the Island, since it didn't make much sense to only have the last book of the trilogy; then again, what around here made sense? That thought led her to Ana and Jack and she wondered how they were doing; she was especially concerned for Ana because she _was_ going to fall, she was going to side with the devil and so much more than her soul was in the balance.

She didn't really _blame_ Ana, because her actions weren't the product of a completely rational mind, she loved Jack and that was where her loyalties lay; after all, righteousness was all relative and she knew from experience how easy it had been to rationalize the things Jack said and did when she loved him, how she could always find a way to make an excuse, or wave away his lack of attention, and then when she found attention elsewhere it was just as easy to rationalize her _own_ actions, make excuses for her betrayal, her fall. Love is the most complex of the evils and beauties of man, she thought, and understanding for Ana's position increased her worry because she knew how easy it was, how simple to give up anything for the man she loved, and Ana would. She already had.

Jack would be coming to kill Kate, and by doing so, kill Sawyer and she wasn't going to let it happen; they were _good_, they were beams of sunlight in a jungle of darkness and Jack was a rainstorm, a violent, ripping, crashing thunderstorm that threatened to block out the sun, to cast everything into the dark void. Like any storm he would pass, leaving devastation in his wake, but the sun would always come out again, eventually; the _Son_ would always come out again, eventually, and cast his light around the jungle. And so the cycle would continue, the same game, the same plays...the only difference was a new line-up, a new roster of players to feed into the destiny machine.

She was giving up on the exploration, about to sit in the recliner and read a little more when she dropped the backgammon book on the floor and it fell open. A large section of the book had been removed from the center and inside of the hole was a small leather pouch; she took it out and shook the contents out into her hand. Two polished, smooth stones slipped out; black and white, and she looked at them curiously for a few seconds, then shrugged and slipped them back into the pouch, putting the pouch back into the book. She carried all three over to the recliner, and opening up _Owl Creek Bridge_, she started reading again, losing herself in the words as the sun passed overhead and headed back towards the horizon.

-----

Kate slipped out of the bed after Sawyer dozed off again and headed into the bathroom to get their sopping clothes up and wring them out and turn off the shower; she smiled guiltily at the thought of leaving it running for so long. Their clothes were soaked and dripping and she wrung them out, slowly, enjoying the activity because it gave her that domestic, _normal_ feeling, like she and Sawyer were just two regular people, leading regular, uninteresting lives, though she knew that would never really be the case; with her and Sawyer around nothing could ever be ordinary or boring, trouble followed them wherever they went.

She could just glimpse him through the doorway, since she had gotten up he had spread out over the bed and the sheets were all rumpled and twisted around him, and she giggled because it almost looked like he was wearing a toga, like he was Hercule-

The thought stopped her cold and she dropped the pair of jeans she was twisting the water out of back on the floor as she hurried out and pulled the sheets around, rearranging them so that he was completely covered, trying to push his dream out of her head because she was happy, right now, and she didn't want to spoil it by worrying about the future, just for a few minutes. Satisfied with the arrangement, she started to go back to wringing out the clothes when Sawyer's hand closed around hers and he pulled her back to the bed, drawing her down next to him; her fingers went to his smooth, clean cheeks as she smiled into his blue eyes and he shivered at her chilly fingers. "Your hands are cold."

"I was trying to dry out our clothes."

He cocked an eyebrow at her. "Don't bother, 'cause you ain't puttin' 'em back on." He kissed her, pulling her down so they lay facing each other on the bed; his hand rested lightly on the dip of her waist, feeling her warmth beneath his hand and he turned suddenly serious as he said, "Are you okay, Kate? Really okay? We can stay here tonight, we'll be safe."

The urge to get to the chapel had lessened considerably and Kate figured she must have been exhausted to the state of paranoia and she nodded, cupping her hand against his sleek chin as she whispered, "Yeah. I am still a little tired." His hand slipped between them and she could feel his rough touch on her stomach and peace flooded through her, making her forget all of their problems, all of their troubles, at this moment, this instant in time it was just the three of them; James, Kate, and Joshua, and she had a vision of how they could be, how she wanted them to be, but she couldn't find a place for them, in all of the whole wide world she couldn't see a place where they fit, where they belonged other than here, in the jungle, in the wild. The image of Sawyer in a leopard-skin toga flashed through her mind, and she giggled as she pictured him swinging through the trees from vine to vine with herself behind him in skins, carrying baby Joshua in a sling over her shoulder and that made her laugh out loud; Sawyer looked at her curiously and she shook her head, laughing as the vision faded, "You don't wanna know, _Tarzan_."

He laughed too, though he didn't know what was so funny, and he said, "If I'm Tarzan, then I guess you're Jane. So, you a swinger, too baby?"

She burst into laughter and said, "You have no idea, sweetheart." Kissing him on the cheek she rolled out of the bed, pulling her hand from his grasp as he tried to pull her back. "Come on, James, I gotta finish the clothes. You can come help, you know."

He reclined easily on the bed, his arms behind his head and he grinned. "Nope, sweetcheeks, I think I'm just gonna _watch_." He motioned to the bathroom door and said, "Go on. Holler if you need any help."

"You're such a dick sometimes, you know that?" Her attempt to sound scornful was ruined by the fact that she was laughing as she said it, and he cocked his eyebrow at her again, looking pointedly down at his very much uncovered nether region and she rolled her eyes, shaking her head as she went back into the shower to resume trying to dry their clothes.

He could see her, through the door, and his grin faded as he watched her, bending and twisting a pair of jeans in her hands; she was bewitching and he fell happily under her spell, though she didn't know she was casting it, it was her body, her lithe, graceful, supple, beautiful body that was charming him, entrancing him.

The muscles in her arms rippled as she wrung the jeans out, piece by piece and she had that intense look again, the one of deep concentration where her tongue poked out between her teeth and her nose was wrinkled a a little, and he remembered that day on the beach, when she was cutting his hair and she kissed him, _she_ kissed him on her own, and it was their first _real_ kiss, one that she had given willingly. Suddenly the idea of a haircut didn't seem so bad after all.

She knew he was watching her, she could feel his eyes burning into her skin but she ignored it; let him have his show, he'd earned it. She finished up with the jeans and went to work on his shirt, the tan button-down that was missing the two bottom buttons; she wound it into a ball and twisted it, sending drizzles of water streaking down her arms and it was _cold_, she shivered, goosebumps popping out on her arms from the chill and she thought with a little embarassment that Sawyer was probably getting a better show than he bargained for.

She glanced over at the bed but he was standing in front of her, leaning casually against the doorframe, smirking as he said, "Aren't you gonna use some soap on those?"

The sodden shirt hit him square in the face and he caught it as it fell, incredulously, as Kate started laughing and trying to get by him he grabbed her around the waist and pulled her close, holding her as she laughed and struggled half-heartedly against him. "Let me go," she said, panting with exertion as well as excitement, and he did, but as she passed him, going into the bedroom he snapped the shirt like a towel, catching her on the rump with a sharp _snap_ and she yelped in pain and spun around angrily. "What the hell was that for?"

He put his hands up in self-defense as she punched him hard on the arm. "Sorry, sorry, " he pleaded, trying not to laugh as she smacked him again. "I didn't mean it."

"That hurt." Her hand unconciously rubbed the welt where the shirt had popped her, she glared at him but it faded quickly as he bent down and kissed the welt tenderly, then stood up and grinned at her. "Better?"

She nodded, a wicked smirk on her face. "I always knew I'd get you to kiss my ass one day, James," she said, "But I never thought it would be literally."

-----

The hatch was ridiculously easy to find, even in the twilight as they finally made it to the top of the pass; Jack noticed something glinting in the last rays of sunlight and he moved away from the path to inspect it.

Ana followed him, careful to keep her distance; the tension between them, sexual and otherwise, hadn't lessened at all, in fact, the scene at the bottom of the pass had only served to heighten it and not even the physical exertion of the climb had put any kind of damper on it.

It was a door, like a cellar door, inclined slightly from the ground and covered with a scattering of dirt, grass and leaves and as he cleared away some of the debris he saw the Dharma logo painted on it; no swan, no arrow, shark, or eagle, it looked like an eclipse; a white circle covered partly by a black one with a golden ring around them both. Glancing at Ana with a tight smile he grabbed one of the metal handles and gave a tug, almost surprised when it opened easily, though the hinges squealed in protest as they creaked open.

They peered into the hole; there were steps leading down into the darkness and he couldn't see the end of them, not even with his improved vision, and he took out his flashlight, shining it down the stairs and shrugging at Ana, who merely smiled. "It's what we're here for, Jack," she said, and he started down as she followed.

The stairs went on forever, it seemed like, though it was because of the dark, cold silence in the stairwell; her footsteps echoed eerily, and Ana realized that it was only _her_ footsteps, Jack was walking without a sound, not even a single footfall. It was slightly unnerving and she sped up, in a rush to get to the end of this endless, echoing hall.

They finally reached the end of the stairs as they leveled out into a short tunnel and the passage opened out into a large, sunken stone chamber. The walls were lined with stone tiers, like stands in a stadium, and the rough rock walls were hung with tattered banners and graying flags and in the center of the room was a stone dias, with a stool on either side of it.

Stairs led down into the pit and Jack started down them swinging the flashlight in front of them and Ana noticed during one of his arcs there were torches lining the walls and she slipped away from him, digging in her pack for the book of matches she had stashed somewhere along the line; grabbing a torch from it's bracket she lit it then the next one down the line, then the next; Jack grabbed one of the lit torches and circled the opposite way until they met, surrounded by a blazing ring of flames.

They descended the rest of they way into the sunken chamber and Jack went to the stone pedestal, confusion crossing his face as he looked down on it. Ana joined him and she was puzzled too, it was some kind of a game board, chiseled into the rock, and he glanced over at her. "It's a backgammon board." He reached down and scooped up something and she gasped as she held out two smooth, polished stones, one black and one white. "They're game pieces," he said, counting the pieces on the board. "There's supposed to be fifteen of each color, but there's only nine." He pulled his pack off, digging in it until he found the pouch Kate had found in the drains and the box he had found in the Zoo, when he and Ana were trapped in the cave-in, and he shook the four stones out into his hand, aligning them with the others on the board.

Ana started to explore the rest of the sunken pit, as Jack toyed with the stones, rolling them around in his fingers and when Ana called to him, excitedly, he dropped them back on the board, not noticing when they all slid back into position as he went to her.

She was standing over a large bronze disc laid into the floor, twice the size of a manhole cover; stamped into the metal was the Dharma logo he had seen on the door, only the ring around the eclipse wasn't golden; it was a cold slate gray, and he realized that it wasn't an eclipse, it was the backgammon pieces, the dark overlaying the light. He knelt and slipped his fingers around the edges of the disc, and he smiled up at Ana grimly. "We have to find the other pieces."

"What? They could be anywhere!"

He shook his head. "Two are at the caves, back near camp. That leaves three sets. The island will tell us where they are."

"Why do we need them?"

She had the feeling she knew and her fears were confirmed when Jack said, "We have to play the game, to get in."

"Play who?"

"The game doesn't change, Ana, and neither do the plays. It's only the players that are different." His voice was soft and sweet but his eyes were a little mad and she flinched but didn't move as he touched her cheek, sending a charge through her; just as abruptly he dropped his hand, smiling as her heart started beating again. "I don't know."

They both stared at the disc for a few minutes and he sighed, finally, taking her hand and sending a jolt through them both; he nodded back at the stairs and said, "I don't want to stay down here, Ana. Let's go back up, okay?"

She agreed, nodding; the cave was cold and spooky with its rotted banners and cold, echoing emptiness, it was full of ghosts and demons and she suddenly wanted out badly.

The climb back up wasn't as bad, with the torches it wasn't so dark and cold and they didn't take long to reach the surface and the Island was dark, the stars shining brilliantly and they were so high up, so close, and the wind was warm; it was wonderful, beautiful after the stifling chill of the cavern and Ana took a deep breath, lifting her face to the sky as the breeze blew gently over her, washing away the gloom and dank chill still trapped inside.

Jack watched her, glowing in the starlight, a deep, lusty red glow and she was so enchanting, as she let the Island play over her, through her; she was in his arms before he knew it kissing him with a hunger and intensity that matched his own and together they were flammable, so hot with desire and love that they _burned_ with it, leaving a scorched patch of earth where they fell.


	128. Chapter 128

**Chapter 128**  
He was sleeping on the jungle floor, his arms wrapped around Ana, her body curled tightly against his; he heard a noise, like footsteps in the trees and raised his head, looking off into the bushes. He couldn't see anything but he heard another sound, ice cubes tinkling against a glass and he disentangled himself gently from Ana, trying not to wake her.

He slipped into the trees, following the rattling glass in the ethereal starlight and he realized that the jungle was completely quiet, silent but for the rattling cubes and then he was there; Christian, standing and glowing faintly in the dim light and Jack stopped, his heart in his throat as Christian turned to him, frowning.

"Dad?" He reached out to touch him but his fingers met mist and he waved the mist away, disgusted. He should have known. "What do you want?"

_I always knew you'd screw up, Jack. I always tried to help you choose right, to stay off of my path, but as usual you don't listen to a damn thing I say. Now look at you. Up to your eyeballs in shit you have no understanding of, enslaved to a bunch of conniving, power hungry jackals because you think you have to do it for her?_

Jack snapped back, "What the hell am I supposed to do then, dad? Where's that sparkling wisdom of yours when I need it, huh?" He cursed himself for letting his father get to him, the bastard knew what buttons to push.

_All you had to do was ask, son._ He stared at Jack, still frowning but sad, too. _Is she worth it? Is she worth your soul, Jack? Because that is what she will cost you, if you insist on doing this for her._

He thought about Ana, smiling at him with that reddish aura, her body coppery in its glow, her soft lips on his, burning him with their heat, the way she arched against him, moaning when he made love to her, and he nodded at Christian. "Yes, she is."

Christian shook his head, obviously disappointed, and his voice was real, not echoing in Jack's head, "You always were a stubborn ass," he sighed as he stepped out of the misty haze, grabbing Jack's arm, suddenly _real_, tangible, and Jack gasped as Christian's icy cold fingers closed on his arm. "You never listened to me, Jack, but I am begging you to do it now. Don't kill her. Do what you can not to hurt her or the baby." Sadness was etched on his face as he said, "You turned on me because I killed a baby, Jack, don't you remember? And that wasn't so long ago."

He remembered, all too well, how his father used praise and his love to maneuver him into lying about how the woman died, the woman he killed because he was drunk in the OR, and he had done it, lied on the report to the hospital board until he learned the woman was pregnant, and that Christian knew it. He turned on him, exposed his alcoholism and ruined him, and as Jack stared in anger and guilt at the ghost come to life, his guilt manifested itself in denial, and he turned away from Christian as he said, "What do you _want_, Dad?"

Christian hesitated before answering; he shimmered in the starlight, suddenly ghostly again as his hand melted away from Jack's arm. _You've loved two other women, Jack, and neither of them are as **black and white** as you._ He gazed at Jack, meaningfully, trying to tell him something. _I am guilty, too, Jack. I have to atone for my sins. Why do you think we are **all** here?_

Cold fingers squeezed Jack's heart as he replied, "You're dead. Isn't it too late for you?" He ignored the stab at Sara and Kate.

_Dead? Who says I'm dead? I'm just somewhere else, is all. And it's never too late, Jack. That's why I'm here. You're why I'm here. Don't you see? You were my gretaest sin, you're my atonement._

Jack laughed, harshly, turning back to Christian with disgust. "Well that's too bad for you, because I sure as hell don't forgive you." Angry tears began to stream down his face and Christian smiled gently.

_You don't have to forgive me, Jack, you just have to listen._ Sighing, he shimmered, starting to fade. _Patience, Jack, has always been your greatest weakness. You rush into things without thinking them through, because you're always so damn positive you're right, but this time I am telling you look before you leap, son, open your eyes to what you're doing._

His guilt and regret was shifting rapidly to anger and fury as Christian spoke; who the hell was he to tell him anything? He knew what he was doing, and it was right; he knew because Ana wouldn't be with him if it was really wrong, she disagreed with it but she understood why he was doing it, and as long as she was okay with it he didn't give a damn about anything else.

Then it hit him; he had changed, but was it for the better? His faith flickered for an instant, but the Island whispered to him and he smiled as energy coursed through him, telling him he was right, it was good. Christian was only doing this for himself, as usual, using professions of love and when that didn't work, guilt, to get him to do what he wanted; well, this time it wouldn't work, he wasn't going to fall for Christain's self-serving purposes again. "I know what I'm, doing, Dad. I don't need you to help me."

Regret and sadness played across Christian's face as he began to fade away, becoming transparent in the starlight. _Keep my words in mind._ He was almost gone, just a disembodied voice as he said, _I love you, Jack, and you know it, deep down. I hope you remember it, before the end. _

He was gone and Jack was alone in the dark, nothing but the empty rattle of ice cubes in a glass to keep him company, and he stood for a few minutes, staring at the spot where his dad had vanished. He was wrong; Jack had always listened to him, heard him, but his desire to be anything other than what his dad wanted was too strong; the desire to prove him wrong too tempting, and so he had never followed his father's advice, choosing to go against him and old habits died hard, because he was doing the same thing, now.

"What are you doing out here, Jack?"

He jumped at her voice; he hadn't heard her coming and it surprised him, that he didn't even sense her presence. He turned, smiling, and said, "I was dreaming, I think."

She had been worried when she woke and he was gone; he wouldn't leave without her, he wouldn't leave her behind again, and she was scared until she heard his voice floating to her on the wind, faint and distant, and she had sprinted toward it until she saw him through the trees, staring at the ground, sad and _lost_ and she waited, watching him for a few seconds before she spoke. When he turned and saw her his face lit up and she loved him so much, so deeply that her breath stopped, she couldn't draw it. "Are you okay?"

He couldn't be sure if he was dreaming; he had been thinking about her, how he loved her, so much so that he would do anything, _anything_ to have and keep her, even murder. He'd done it for Kate, once upon a time, hadn't he? And what he'd felt for Kate was nothing compared to Ana, so how could he use that as an excuse not to do what he had to? There was no way out, if he wanted her, and he did, more than anything; he ached for her, for the feel of her next to him, against him, around him, and there she was, glowing faintly in the starshine, just like a dream.

Silence fell over them, over the trees, and the stars spun gossamer threads of light as they stared at each other, and Jack said, "Am I still dreaming, Ana?"

She went to him, quickly, pressing her solid, corporeal body to his and she whispered, "I don't know, Jack. Are we? Dreaming?" Her lips met his and he hoped it wasn't a dream, he dreaded waking up, back in Chicago, in his cold, empty house, with no Ana, no Island, no hope. Maybe they were dead already, maybe it was a death-dream, and he was living his life in this purgatory in the instant between life and death, his mind going on while his body, his shell, withered away.

"I hope not. I want it to be real, Ana, I want _us_ to be real." His hands were all over her, feeling her to make sure she was actually there, not just a ghost, or a vision, and she was warm and alive, not cold and he sighed into her, in relief as she put her head on his chest, holding him close. "I love you," he whispered, stroking her hair hanging loosely on her shoulders, and something was radiating from her, some power he didn't understand, and he was suddenly gripped by crushing doubt and fear. "Tell me, Ana."

His fingers were gripping into her back, hard, and he was trembling as she said, softly, "What do you want to hear, Jack?' His confidence, his drive had vanished and he was just Jack, scared, lonely Jack and she loved him more than ever in that instant as he drew a shaky breath.

"Tell me I'm doing the right thing." He needed validation from her but she couldn't give it because she didn't think what he was doing was right; maybe he was doing it for the right reasons but the act itself was wrong; she couldn't bring herself to hurt him, to destroy his confidence even more so she copped out.

"Who's to say what is right, Jack? Only you can decide that."

Disappointed in her answer, he frowned; for her to give such a lame reply meant she didn't want to tell him what she really thought and that worried him more than if she'd just come out and said it; he grasped at anything, any words to stay afloat. "At least tell me you'll still love me, Ana, because I need to know that."

He was almost in tears, shaking against her as she held him, crooning softly. "I will always love you," she said, wondering what in the world had happened to get him so worked up, what the hell kind of dream had he had? "Jack, I will _always_ love you. No matter what."

His trembling eased and he kissed her neck, sending shivers down her spine and she could feel the certainty flow through him again, the confidence and righteousness and she was glad; he had needed her and she gave him what he craved, assurance that he was right, or at least, that he wasn't totally wrong, and she was rewarded by waves of love and desire flowing through her body at his touch, but he pulled away before it became unbearable. "Thank you." He kissed her hand, smiling. "We have to go. It's time."

-----

The horse came to her, in the dark jungle, its glossy coat blending in with the blackness, and it nuzzled her cheek as she said, "Hi, daddy."

The horse spoke. "Hello, Kate."

She threw her arms around his neck and he wasn't the horse anymore, he was Wayne, but not the leering, staring, hateful Wayne; he was the horse, proud and beautiful and Kate withered beneath his benevolent gaze. "I'm sorry, daddy," she cried, and he held her, soothing her and he wasn't Wayne anymore, it was Sawyer and he smiled as he kissed her.

"Sorry for what, Freckles?"

She looked at him sadly, so sadly and he didn't want to know anymore. "I'm sorry for killing you," she whispered, and she pulled a lighter out of her pocket and flicked it on.

He was the horse again and he trotted restlessly around her, snorting and whinnying at the flame in her hands and as he reared up the darkness split with forked blue lightning and the skies opened up in a flood, putting out the flame as the horse reared again and swept past her in the darkness. Run, Kate.

"Kate!" She opened her eyes and they were wild with fear as Sawyer held her, close; she struggled because he was going to kill her, just like she had killed him and she struck out, catching him in the jaw and he let her go and in that instant she had swung again, connecting with the side of his head.

Stars burst in his vision and he fell back against the mattress as Kate leapt away, breathing heavily as she stared around in terror; Sara came before her, looking concerned as she touched Kate's arm and she jumped, seeing Sawyer lying back, his hand to his head. "James!"

She went back to him, falling to her knees next to him on the mattress; his nose was bleeding and he had his hand to his head, looking dazed and she kissed him softly. "Jesus, Kate, why do you always _do_ that?" He could see the fear and regret in her eyes and he softened; she had been thrashing, obviously having a nightmare and he should have been a little more careful waking her. "Are you okay?"

She choked out a laugh. "Am _I_ okay?" She used the corner of her shirt to wipe the blood from his nose, and tears sparkled in her eyes as she said, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it."

He could see that her eyes were still a little crazy and faraway, like she wasn't completely awake, like she was still dreaming, still in her nightmare. "Sorry for what?"

"I told you already," she whispered. "I'm sorry for killing you."

Her words struck icy fear in his heart and he hoped to God she was still dreaming; he glanced over at Sara, who was watching with apprehension as he sat up, grimacing at the pain in his head. "I'm not dead, Kate."

She nodded and he was sure she was dreaming, still trapped because her eyes were _gone_, there was nothing there, nobody home. "Yes, you are, James," she whispered and his stomach dropped. "We all are, we just don't know it." He tried to touch her but she jerked away, backing off of the bed with fear and loathing in her eyes. "Don't touch me, Wayne!"

"You're just dreaming, Kate," he said, trying to get her to lie back down; his head was pounding and he could barely think, and she was scaring the sht out of him. Sara came to the rescue, taking Kate's shoulders and shaking her slightly as Sawyer watched.

"Kate!" she said, sharply, and with a hard shake Kate seemed to snap out of it, her eyes slowly focusing and losing that faraway, _lost_ look; she started shaking as she saw Sawyer, gazing at her with fear and horror. Sara turned her face away from Sawyer, making Kate meet her eyes, giving him time to compose himself. "Kate, are you okay?"

She nodded, still shaking as she gazed into Sara's eyes, and she pulled away, her eyes going back to Sawyer, who was standing, shakily, his head throbbing where Kate's fist had connected with it. Damn, she had a hell of a punch. "James? Are you okay? Did I do that?" She was looking at his nose, still trickling blood.

"It's alright. You've done worse." He wanted to go to her but the look in her eyes when she called him Wayne made his blood icy; he was afraid if he went to her now she'd give _him_ that look and he couldn't bear to try, to risk it.

She needed him, to take away the fear and chill that still lingered in her, though she didn't remember anything much after the horse; what had she done? Why was he keeping his distance, staying away from her? "I don't think so," she said quietly, dropping her eyes to the floor, "I think I hurt you." She waited for him to deny it but he didn't and her eyes finally wandered reluctantly up to his, scared of what she'd find; she didn't expect fear. "What did I say, James?"

He didn't want to ask because he knew how she'd react, but he wanted to know; sighing, he said, "Who is Wayne?"

His fears were realized as her eyes turned stony cold and she snapped, "Why do you want to know?"

Cold, clammy fear gripped his stomach at his own words. "You called me Wayne, just now." His fear and misery turned, as always, to anger and he said with words calculated to hurt her, "For the second time. I heard you in the hatch, when I was 'unconcious'." He mimicked her, cruelly. "And every time I look at Sawyer, every time I _feel_ something for him, I see you Wayne. And it makes me sick." There was no pleasure for him in the horrorstruck expression in her eyes as he threw her words back at her; she shook her head as tears welled up in them. "I guess I still do. Make you sick."

The truth was he made himself sick; why, why, why did he say and do these stupid things? Why take it out on Kate, the one person in the world who really loved him, who would do anything for him? He couldn't bear to look at her, to see her hurt so he stared at the ground. "He was my father." Her voice was quavering, like she was scared to say the words out loud. "I didn't know it until it was too late."

His breath caught in his chest and he could barely choke out the words. "Too late for what?"

Green met blue as his eyes looked up to hers, and she said, sadly, "Too late for me to love him."

They stared at each other for a minute, both forgetting Sara was there until she said, softly, "He's not Wayne, Kate. You know it." She did; he wasn't Wayne, no matter what she had said so long ago, so many ages, so many Kates ago; he was James and no one else. The dream was fading, taking her fear and horror with it, and she made the move this time, she took the step, the move into the next square.

Her eyes didn't leave Sawyer's as she smiled sweetly, apologetically. "I know he isn't." She glanced up at the glass ceiling, at the bright, clear sky and smiled as she said, "We have to go. They're coming."

Forked blue lightning suddenly split the heavens, casting the three of them in flickering cobalt shadows for an instant, and then the rain poured down, washing away the outside world as it pounded on the glass.

-----

The horse came back to the clearing, his coat glossy with rain and he trotted restlessly around the chapel, snorting and neighing as the other animals crept out, shaking their coats and feathers in the beautiful, wonderful rain; the horse bucked and kicked with the joy of it, of the cool drops, and the cool touch of Kate's arms around his neck.

They were coming and would be here soon; the animals readied themselves for his return.


	129. Chapter 129

**Chapter 129**  
While Kate and Sara packed up what meager supplies they could find, Sawyer went out of the hatch to try and find one of the birds to carry a message; he hadn't been using them much because there really hadn't been a need but now they were traveling, at Kate's insistence, and he was worried about their safety. Her safety.

It was pouring rain and lighting flashed in the distance as thunder cracked and popped above him; the wind was lashing the rain sideways and he squinted his eyes against it, hoping one of Kotori's friends would put in an appearance.

Kate was desperate to go, to _move_, and he was a little scared by this new urge to _run_; he wondered what in the world her dream had been about, since she refused to tell him other than Wayne had been in it, and the horse. But she was adamant that they go, that they get to the chapel, and he agreed, reluctantly, because he couldn't refuse her anything.

Cobalt lightning forked again, cracking so closely he could feel the hair on his arms stand up and he ducked, shielding his eyes from the glare; something was silhouetted in the flash, something big, and it came to him, through the lashing rain. He stood still, sensing it in the dark, and when the next bright flicker of blue lightning lit up the path the great, red-eyed beast was before him, snorting and he fell backwards, letting out a yell and scrabbling away from it until he realized it was the horse; it snorted and snuffled at his face as he sat in the mud, really, really pissed off. "Get off me, Silver," he said, shoving the horse's soft muzzle away in disgust, and he climbed to his feet, brushing in vain at the mud that was clinging to him like...well, like mud. He eyed the horse with dislike and said, "I hope you're happy."

The horse bobbed his head, whinnying and Sawyer rolled his eyes. "Funny, huh? Great. Another frickin' comedian." He felt a pang at the reminder of Vincent, and he softened, smiling as he scratched the horse's velvety nose. "Kate's gonna be glad to see you."

Snorting, the horse bobbed his head again and pawed the ground, tossing his sodden mane; suddenly he raised his head and whinnied, loud and long, and Sawyer watched in amazement as a half-dozen animals appeared from nowhere; two foxes, walking stealthily, side by side, they came to Sawyer and sat before him, just staring as the rain whipped into their fur and into his eyes, after a second they _nodded_, he thought, and they were replaced by a chimp, who chattered as he came up, offering Sawyer his hand and hooting in a friendly manner. He took the chimp's hand and shook it, uncertainly, grinning to himself like an idiot because this was just too _unreal_, too weird for his mind to work its way around yet. The chimp scooted off, and an owl soared by, circling Sawyer in lazy circles and who-whoo-ing as he blinked his wide, glowing eyes, he was so close Sawyer could see the wind rippling against his feathers and the tiny raindrops glistening on them, too, and he found himself waving at the bird as it flew by, and then the boar, his boar, came trundling out of the trees, coming up to him and standing, head bowed and gentle, and Sawyer reached out, touching him gently, in wonder. The boar. Himself. Another boar trotted out and joined them, and he smiled, patting that one as as well, and he laughed at himself, at the picture he must be painting, standing in the dark, in the driving rain, on top of a mountain with animals encircling him, staring up at him. "All I need is an Ark," he said, chuckling to himself, as the horse came back to him, snorting and nudging him impatiently. "Okay, okay, we're coming. Let me go get the ladies."

He stopped at the entrance to the hatch, looking back just to make sure he wasn't seeing things before he went down and told Kate that they had an escort waiting; they were all still there, standing in the downpour and watching him with eager impatience. Shaking his head and laughing to himself again, he headed down to the entrance.

Kate had found a tiny first aid kit, and she had snagged some bathroom supplies, some soap and a couple of the towels, but other than that, her search had been as fruitless as Sara's. She'd finally given up, frustrated at more than just her inability to find anything really useful; the dream was nagging at her, the words echoing in her head. Run, Kate. What was eating at her was whose voice was it? Wayne? Herself? She wasn't sure, but she hoped it wasn't hers, she didn't want to _want_ to run, like she did now; the warning had thrown her defenses back up, put her back on the alert, _excited_ her, and that was frightening. That old feeling, that surge of adrenaline was flowing through her, making her want to go, her feet were itching at the inactivity, at the waiting, and she was tempted to just go, to just leave it all behind, become the old Kate, free of the burdens of love and duty and devotion, to be free. But that wasn't really freedom, was it?

Sawyer stomped into the hatch, soaking wet and covered in mud and any desire to leave him behind was forgotten, as if it never existed, how could she ever even have _thought_ it; he was cursing and mumbling as he came to her and she covered her mouth with her hand so he wouldn't see her laughing, which of course didn't work, and he said, sarcastically, "Laugh it up, Kate. You won't be so beautiful in a few minutes."

She dropped her hand, throwing him an offended look; their tension from earlier had gone, just like that, just a snap as always, and she said, "Really. Well, unless it's raining mud, I'd say you took a little trip. What was it this time? The boar again?"

He almost ruined the surprise by blurting it out; instead he bit his tongue, taking Herculean effort and he said, "No, I slipped in the mud, if you must know. Don't be surprised if you have a little...trip yourself, smarty."

"Is that a threat?"

He nodded, mischeiviously. "It could be, Freckles." Winking at her slyly, he said, "I guess you're gonna find out. We have an escort waiting outside, so lets go."

"An escort?" She glanced at Sara, who smiled and shrugged. "What kind of escort?"

He just grinned. "You'll see. Grab your stuff, take a deep breath...anybody got an umbrella? Just kidding, though I did have two in my stash." He bent, kissing Kate quickly as he took her hand, leading them up the stairs and out into the rain.

The wind was blowing the rain so hard it was stinging, and Kate shielded her face as they came out of the hatch, when she lowered her arm she gasped as the horse came to her, snuffling her cheek and ear and she flung her arms around him, hugging his neck while he bobbed his head gently, whickering in her ear and she pulled back and kissed his nose gently, her eyes shining with joy. Sawyer was sure it wasn't only raindrops on her face as she hugged the horse again, pulling his head down so she could whisper in his ear, and the horse whinnied and nudged her, pushing her toward his back.

She looked a little dubious, like maybe this was a devious plan between Sawyer and the horse to get her into the mud, but he nudged her again, and she wound her hands in his wet mane and pulled herself up and over his back, leaning over to pat his neck and whisper to him again.

Sawyer was agape, staring at her with his mouth wide open as she sat astride the horse, looking so beautiful, so natural and at ease that he couldn't tear his eyes away from her; she was like a painting, an enchanting woman on horseback in the rain, starlight and her light making her glow, shine, as she urged the horse forward with her knees, and Sawyer swallowed hard as he saw the muscles in her thighs contract, steering the horse as Sara and Sawyer fell into step beside them; she didn't see the other animals fan out around them, the foxes in the stealthy lead, the owl circling endlessly overhead, fighting the buffeting wind and still-pouring rain, the chimp, jumping from tree to tree as they edged down the pass, and the boars, trailing behind, ready to charge anyone who seemed dangerous.

Kate stopped the horse and smiled apologetically at Sawyer before offering her hand to Sara, who took it, smiling as Kate pulled her up on the horse's back. Settling behind her, wrapping her arms around Kate's waist as she tried to balance on the horse's, broad, slippery back, Sara grinned and said, "Such a gentleman, Sawyer." She squeezed Kate's waist, gently. "Kate's done a good job on you."

He rolled his eyes and kept walking beside them, the rain making the ground sloppy and his shoes squelched unpleasantly with every step as they filled with mud and water; his hand rested on Kate's thigh as they walked, and the gentle motion of the horse made it move up and down with each step and he inched it up a little higher each time until Kate put her hand on his stopping him just shy of embarrassment.

The ground leveled out and the sky began to lighten as the storm blew itself out finally, just in time for the sun to rise and start everything steaming. The dark, quiet jungle burst to life with the first rays of the sun, and Kate looked down at Sawyer, walking beside her, his hand still firmly on her thigh, and she whispered to him, "I love you, James."

He didn't answer but his hand tightened on her leg and she could see his smile; reaching up suddenly he grabbed her around the waist and pulled her off of the horse, who stopped and turned his head as Kate and Sara's balance shifted, and Sara grabbed his mane as Kate landed happily in Sawyer's arms and he kissed her, slow and deep as the sun peeked over the trees, casting them all in its golden halo.

-----

The rain was nice, it seemed to quench their desire a lttle, cooling their hot bodies enough to let them walk together, hands entwined, without the mad lust that usually accompanied their touch; instead they had a sweet, tender feeling and it was a nice change. Even Jack's pace had slowed, somewhat, and as the sun rose they had barely made it halfway across the valley.

"So, where are we going?" She finally asked, and he smiled and squeezed her hand.

"The Chapel, remember it? That's where they're going." The Island was telling him, in the whispers; he had figured out how to control them a little, and he could filter or shut them out if he wanted, but now he was listening, hearing the Island directed him to the little stone church.

Ana didn't know if that was good; she wasn't sure if she would be able to go in it, given her current situation, and she thought guiltily that Jack didn't know about her, and how would she explain it? He wouldn't understand, he couldn't see past it and she was sure he would feel betrayed and she didn't want to risk it, risk the happiness they had now, as bittersweet as it was.

She'd been casting about in her mind, trying to find a plan, something that would stop this craziness without hurting Jack but she was coming up empty, nothing seemed feasible or right; he liked the power, and if killing Kate gave him that then he was going to do it no matter what she said, and he knew that she accepted that, but it didn't mean she wasn't going to try.

Power was the key to Jack, and Kate was the key to Sawyer; they fit together somehow and she could feel something coming together, it clicked and she smiled, suddenly, squeezing Jack's hand. "So, Kate is the source of Sawyer's power?"

Jack nodded, smiling at her as he said, "Yes. That's why...well, if Kate is gone so is he." To his credit he didn't seem happy about it, his smile fading as he thought about what he had to do, and Ana's heart went out to him, because his reasons weren't entirely selfish, it wasn't all about the control, he loved her, and wanted them to be together and it was hard to be angry at that.

She took a deep breath and put her plan into play. "Too bad." he glanced at her and she shrugged. "You know, about the baby. I'll bet that kid would have some serious mojo." She glanced aside to see the effect her remark had and she smiled to herself; she could see the wheels in Jack's head start to turn as he contemplated what in hindsight should have been perfectly obvious. Of course the baby would be special, and he wondered that Locke and Hanso hadn't thought of it...or had they? Had they sent him off on a wild goose chase while they went to get Kate and the baby for themselves?

"I think you're right, Ana," he said, and he stopped, taking her in his arms and looking her in the eyes. "Are you on my side?"

"Of course I am. How could you even ask?" They were still wet from the rain, and the sun was hot, already, but black shreds of stormcloud still dotted the sky, keeping it hazy and dank, and their clothes were not even close to drying at all, she could feel his chest through his sticky, damp tee shirt as she kissed him, softly.

"Good. Because I think they are trying to get rid of us, and I need to know you have my back."

"Why would they want to get rid of us? I thought they needed you, to kill Kate."

"Not if they don't really want her dead. They knew Sawyer would kill us, or at least get us out of the way so they could get the baby themselves." Ana smiled to herself at the direction his thinking had taken, if it turned him against Locke and Hanso so much the better.

"But why want you dead, Jack? Aren't you on their side?"

He hesitated, kissing her gently and smiling as his arms tightened around her waist. "Yes, but they know you come first, and that makes me unreliable." He released her with another kiss and moved away because the lust was creeping back up on him and they had to move, now, go quickly so they could find Kate before Locke and Hanso did. "Are you ready, now? We need to find her, don't you think?"

Relief flooded through her and she felt herself lighten, brighten as the burden of Kate was lifted from her shoulders; the simple little idea had been planted and sprouted quickly, and she smiled at the easy gullibility of a man in love. "I think that's a good idea," she said, and the sun came out full-force, evaporating the last few shreds of stormcloud and leaving the sky a bright, blinding blue.


	130. Chapter 130

**Chapter 130**  
They reached the chapel before the sun was high and Sara squealed with joy when she saw it, felt it, the peace and harmony of it, and she slid from the horse's back, dropping unsteadily to her feet as she patted him gently and whispered a quick thank you in his ear; he snorted and bobbed his head as Kate slid down too, going to kiss his velvety nose and hug him tightly. Sawyer heard her whisper and he gave her a strange look; it sounded like she whispered, "Thank you, daddy."

The horse neighed and reared up a little and all of the other animals came out of the jungle, surrounding the three humans; the foxes, the chimp, the owl and the boars were there, but also a few bunnies, the frogs, the giraffe came stalking gracefully from the trees and Kate gave Sawyer a grin and they all jumped as a huge white polar bear came lumbering from the jungle, making Sawyer instinctively push Kate behind him.

They were encircled, the three people and the horse, ringed in by the fur and feathers of Sawyer's Animal Army, and as he stared around, a little bewildered, they all began talking at once and he was deafened by chirps, hoots, ribbits, roars and snorts; giving a sudden squeal the horse bucked and ran, leaping over the little gathering of rabbits that stood in his way; he looked back once more at Kate, then melted into the trees. The other animals followed suit, dissolving into the trees and brush and suddenly the chapel was quiet, very quiet after the cacophony the animals had provided.

Sawyer kissed Kate, softly, then said, "Wait here, let me make sure everything is okay-" but Sara had already walked past him and into the sagging stone doorway and he rolled his eyes as Kate laughed and followed Sara into the chapel. Everything was just as they had left it, down to the flower-strewn pews, though the flowers were withered and brown; Sawyer didn't like the look of them, dead and decaying, so he waved his hand and they flew up and out of the holes in the ceiling.

Kate went to the little pool and stared at it happily for a minute, trailing her fingers gently through the water and watching the ripples as they spread out across the surface; Sawyer came up behind her, touching his hand to her back and she was like the water as desire and love rippled through her body at his touch. She stared down into the water, and she could see them reflected in it, realizing with a start that this was the first time she had ever seen them, together, seen how they looked, she smiled at his reflection and said, "We look good together, don't we?"

He leaned over her a little, looking into the stilled surface of the pool; Kate's hand had taken his, pulling it around her waist and he still couldn't believe, after all of this time, after everything, he still couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that she was his, that she belonged to him, that it was _Kate_ in his arms, holding him close and he gazed at the two of them, meeting Kate's reflected eyes and he knew how water conducted electricity because the spark between them suddenly intensified as he reached up and pulled a strand of hair from her eyes as he whispered, "You're beautiful, Kate. It's all you."

It was strange, to watch him kiss her neck, pulling her hair away in their reflection, like watching two other people; it gave her an intense thrill and she moaned a little, without even realizing it and his arm stiffened around her waist as his eyes met hers in their reflection again, making them both gasp at the fiery desire in them. Her eyes widened as his hand slipped up beneath her shirt, caressing her stomach, then moving lower, popping open the button of her jeans and slipping inside; she leaned back against him, moaning again, but keeping her eyes on the pool, on _them_; it was so...charged, so electrically thrilling to see the same look of desire in her own eyes that she always saw in his, to know that was what _he_ saw in her.

She arched against him, throwing her head back as she groaned softly and he took advantage and kissed her, holding her lips as she was wracked with shuddering spasms and he held her until she relaxed, panting , leaning back against him; she kept her eyes averted from the pool, now, almost embarassed at herself, but Sawyer took her chin in his fingers and pulled her toward the pool, whispering, "Look, Kate." She did; she saw him, smiling and staring at her reflection with awe, and she saw herself, flushed and sweaty, smiling and radiant, and he said, breathing low into her ear, "Look, Kate, see yourself as I see you, see how beautiful you are."

It was him she couldn't tear her eyes from; beams of sunlight shone down on him, giving him a golden aura and he was staring at her reflection, awe and love written plainly across his face as his hand slid up to her belly, cupping it as he buried his face in her shoulder, and suddenly she was floored by _his_ beauty, and the words were out of her mouth before she could stop them because he was too _good_ for her, he always had been. "Why do you love me, James?"

He chuckled a little against her, then lifted his head and met her eyes in the pool. "Can I put it into words? Can you? Why do you love me?"

Kate laughed softly, still a little breathless, and said, "Fair enough." They held each other for a few minutes, each of them lost in their thoughts as they gazed into the pool; Sawyer finally had to ask, "Did you call that horse daddy?"

The Old Kate looked at him out of the pool for an instant, scared, hard, cold, running Kate, and his arm tightened around her, as if he was afraid she would bolt, but she just smiled, sadly, and said, "Yes."

He waited for her to elaborate but she didn't, she just stared at his reflection until he finally said, "May I ask why?"

It was quiet for so long he didn't think she was ever going to answer, but finally she smiled, tightly, and said, "I killed him. My father. When you saw me, in the bus station? That's what I was being arrested for. Wayne."

"I thought you killed your step-father. Blew him up?" He cringed to himself at the insensitivity of his words but he was afraid if he gave Kate an out she would take it, and he wanted to know, he needed to know her, as much as he could.

"I told you Wayne was my father. My real father. They kept it a secret from me and I found out by accident. I never told anyone, and my mom never said anything either, or my other dad, you know, to the marshals, so they never knew the truth." He squeezed her as tears started to trickle down her cheeks. "He wasn't a good person, James, and that's why I-"

"Kate," he cut her off, gently; he had heard everything in the hatch, and now it all made sense and he wanted to spare her going over it again, "I know enough of that part, really. What about the horse?"

She gave him a grateful look, in the reflection, and said, "After you saw me getting arrested, the Marshal was taking me back to the arraignment and he asked me why I did it, asked me if I did it because Wayne...well, he _never_ touched me, and when I told the marshal that, a black horse ran out into the road and we swerved into a pole. He was unconcious so I took his keys and when he woke up I kicked him out of the car and drove off." She smiled a little at his look of frank admiration and said, "But as I was going the horse came out again and stood in the road, like he was saying something to me." She sighed. "I didn't really get it until I saw him in the jungle, because I had been thinking of you, nothing but you since Eko brought you out of the jungle and I still kind of saw Wayne in you, you know, and..." she sighed, looking away, "I was with you in the hatch, everyone was gone, at Shannon's funeral, and you started mumbling. I thought you were waking up, so I leaned close, to hear what you were saying, and you grabbed me, choking me and asking me why I killed you."

He looked a little sick and he buried his face in her neck, whispering, "I'm sorry."

"It wasn't you. I don't even know if it really happened, or if I was just manifesting what I was thinking in you, because you reminded me so much of him, of what was bad in myself, and I hated it but I couldn't hate _you_, no matter how hard I tried." She cracked a smile. "And I _tried_, believe me." Her smile widened. "After I answered Wayne's question, why I did it, you woke up, you came back, and I..." her voice broke as she remembered how happy she had been, how he had made her laugh even then, in her darkest moment, and she turned away from the pool, to him, the real, substantial him; they didn't have to talk through a mirror, they had already gone through the looking glass, into Wonderland, and there was no need to be scared anymore, of him, of letting herself go because he was her White Knight and they were smack in the middle of a twisted fairytale. "You know the rest, James. We saw the horse in the jungle; it was Wayne, telling me I was free, I didn't have to be...I didn't have to feel guilty anymore." She kissed Sawyer lightly, looking into his eyes before she grinned. "Not about him, anyway."

He kissed her, cupping her face in his hands and tracing her lips with his; she shivered a little, pressing into him and she could feel the rough denim of his jeans through her open zipper and the kiss deepened as she pushed against him. He smiled, pulling away and shaking his head. "Quit that."

She pouted a little and he laughed as she said, "You started it, Cowboy." Her fingers were at the button of his jeans, and he gave in as they popped open and her cool fingers slid inside as he groaned softly and leaned into her. He couldn't refuse her anything.

-----

Jack could go faster, he was itching to go faster, but Ana was going full speed and he couldn't ask her to push any harder; he wished he could give her some of his energy, some of his power, to help her, instead he kept to a maddeningly slow pace. His certainty about Hanso's 'plot' was beginning to fade, though he didn't suspect Ana of anything, really, she had just made a comment and he had let paranoia get ahold of him. He still suspected Locke, though, he didn't trust that bstard at all.

They were deep into the jungle and it was stifling hot but Jack was barely sweating, Ana noticed as he turned to check on her. He wasn't even breathing hard, and as he came to her, looking a little concerned, he said, "Are you alright, Ana? Do you want to take a break?"

She could see it galled him to ask and it made her feel a little like a burden to him; he could obviously move much faster without her and she was tempted to tell him to go the hell on without her, then, but she looked away instead and said, "I guess that drug really did something for you, huh?"

He smiled and handed her his water bottle, and she took it after a second. He was a little worried, they hadn't had a break in a while and she was flushed bright red, pearly with sweat and panting raggedly, and he kicked himself for being such an idiot. "Yeah. Sorry, I should have been paying attention." He kissed her softly and she sighed and took a long drink of water. "Forgive me?"

She recapped the bottle and handed it back to him, feeling a little electric spark as their fingers touched, briefly, and she smiled slyly, winking at him. "This time, Jack. But next time I take out one of your kneecaps."

"Or you could just say, 'Slow down, Jack'," he whispered, kissing her again before moving away.

She grinned, nodding at him. "Fair enough." Taking a deep breath she said, "Slow down, Jack. I'm in a hurry too, but unless you wanna carry me..." she eyed him mischieveiously and he shook his head, laughing.

"You know where that would get us. Nowhere. Bad idea."

Ana shook her head, grinning as they started walking again. "Good idea, Jack. Bad timing." They walked in silence for a few minutes, together, and Ana grabbed his hand. "Tell me what it's like."

"It's...I don't know, I mean, I'm me, the same Jack, just...more. I feel stronger, like nothing can stop me, like I'm invincible, almost, though I know I'm not." He grinned at her dubious look. "I just have a lot of energy. As I'm sure you've noticed. "

Her already red face flushed a deeper crimson as she nodded. "Yeah, I've noticed."

"I can hear things, whispers, like people telling me what to do, telling me secrests about things. I can block them out, mostly, because they are kind of annoying, but sometimes I listen. And I feel...quiet, like I'm not really here, transparent, but that comes and goes. And everything is _better_, food tastes better, the flowers smell better, everything looks better," he hesitated before he added, "everything _feels_ better." he lifted her hand to his lips, kissing it softly and sending chills up her spine, partly pleasure and partly uneasy wonder at what he was describing. "It's amazing, Ana. Everything is so...beautiful and alive. Especially you."

"You make it sound great. Sure it's me you love and not it?"

He looked really hurt and she was sorry as he said, "Don't say that. I loved you long before I ever took the damn injection."

"I know, Jack," she said, "I was just kidding."

There was another moment of cold tension but then Jack smiled, helping her over a tangle of brush. "Forget it. I overreacted." He glanced up at the sun, then tried to figure about how far they'd come. "Can we go a little faster? Just say no if we can't, please, Ana, I want you to be comfortable. How we're going now I'd say we'll be there around dusk."

She nodded, picking up her pace a little. "A little, Jack. If I need to slow down I'll just holler."

She patted the gun tucked into the back of her jeans and he rolled his eyes, kissing her on the cheek as he sped up, walking just in front of her, grinning as he looked back. "Just giving you a good target."

-----

They ventured out into the garden and found Sara there, sitting on the stone bench that overlooked the little fountain, watching the bees gathering nectar from the lillies, and Kate said, "We're going to get some fruit, would you like to come along?"

She looked a little nervous. "Are you sure you should be going out into the jungle?"

Kate smiled at her concern. "The animals are out there, we'll be fine. You don't have to go, we just thought we'd ask, but we understand if you want to stay."

She stood, stretching her legs. After all of the excercise she'd been getting she was actually starting to enjoy the walking, the hiking. "I think I will go," she said, and Kate smiled, taking her hand happily.

They left the sanctuary of the church and Kate could see the animals in the shadows, surrounding them in a furry, feathery shield, and she felt safe, really safe, as Sawyer held her on one side and Sara guarded her on the other. They didn't have to go far, and they took their time, until it started to darken as twilight fell.

They had been eating, and talking and laughing and Sawyer took Kate's hand, kissing her juice-stained fingers as he said, "You ready to go back?"

The jungle burst into frenzied activity as the birds started squawking madly and the frogs croaked loud warnings from all directions; the boars closed in around Kate and Sawyer, and she saw the chimp lurking in a nearby tree as Hanso and Locke stepped out into the grove, flanked by a dozen scruffy men in with dirty beards and guns. "Hello, Sawyer."


	131. Chapter 131

**Chapter 131**  
Kate tried to hide her terror as Hanso's men spread out around them in a circle, even as they closed into their own little circle with Kate inside of it; Sawyer, Sara and the two boars kept her hemmed in, protected, as Hanso and Locke stepped closer.

Sawyer was thrumming beneath her nervous fingers and it gave her strength; as her fear lessened she felt his power grow and she could feel the sparks pulsing just beneath his skin. "What do you want?"

Hanso scoffed at Sawyer. "You know what we want, don't you?" he smiled and quoted, softly, " 'Why should Titania cross her Oberon? I do but beg a little changeling boy, to be my henchman.'" He winked at Kate, whose heart had frozen; they wanted Joshua? How did they even know? "Shakespeare."

She felt Sawyer tense and begin sparking as Sara said, " 'Set your heart at rest; the fairy land buys not the child from me.'"

Hanso nodded, smiling at Sara. "Yes. An English teacher would know Shakespeare."

Terror gripped Kate in icy clutches and she was suddenly glad to have the two of them holding her up because her knees were watery with fear like she had never known; she realized that her hand was clutched around her stomach fiercely, gripping with such force that she had dug furrows in her skin. Her other hand was on Sawyer's back, and she could feel indefineable rage welling up as he hissed, "You're not going to lay a finger on her, or him, so just go on home to your little chemistry set and save yourself some serious trouble. Savvy?"

One of the men leveled his gun on Sawyer but before he could get his finger on the trigger a blue bolt of fire struck him squarely in the chest, knocking him back several feet and leaving him crumpled on the ground with a smoking hole in his breast, and it almost got ugly as the grove was filled with the rattle of cocking guns before Hanso shouted, "Stop!" and his men froze, uncocking their guns and lowering them, giving Sawyer malicious stares which he returned wholeheartedly. "We don't want violence, Sawyer. We don't even want the baby. Yet."

Kate was glad to notice that he was even more pissed off; she could see the blue fire under his skin, making him glow strangely in the moonlight, and she knew he didn't want violence either, not reall; if bullets and bolts started flying it was far more likely that she would get hit or hurt, and while he could heal her, he'd rather not even take the chance. Something flickered by in the jungle, she thought, but the trees were quiet and still and she turned her attention back to Sawyer as he said, "Yet? Man, have you got some balls. Get the hell out of here before I give you the same adios as I gave your little monkey, there." He gestured to the still-smoking corpse and a few warning sparks shot from his hands.

Locke spoke up. "We can help you, Sawyer. Jack is coming for you, to kill Kate because he thinks it will give him power, make him stronger. We'll help you get rid of him, if you'll just help us out down the road."

Sawyer snorted scornfully. "Gimme a break, boys. You gotta be better than that to con a con man. What a sorry ploy. First of all, I ain't worried about Jack. Second of all, even if I _was_ worried about that jackass, I sure as hell wouldn't come to either one of you for help. So, thanks for the warning and the offer to take my kid, but I'll have to pass on both."

There was a little rustle in the bushes and everyone turned as Jack and Ana came out, hands raised until everyone saw it was them, then they stopped, staring at the scene before them, Sawyer, Kate, Sara and two boars in a tight circle surrounded by eleven men and one smoking corpse, and Hanso and Locke standing a few feet away, staring as they walked up.

Hanso seemed happy to see them, and he said, "You should have taken my offer, Sawyer. Well, now the fun can begin. Jack, are you ready?"

He was staring at Kate, at her terrified eyes and her hand clutched to her belly, tiny spots of blood seeping through her shirt where she had scratched herself and he nodded his head, slowly, pulling his gun. But he didn't raise it; it dangled by his side as he turned his eyes to Ana, meeting her gaze sadly. "I'm sorry, Ana."

Patience was usually a virtue, but Hanso could feel the end was close, victory was near; losing the child would be forgotten in the joy of winning, and so he pushed Jack, calling, "Jack! Quit stalling!"

Ana shook her head, giving it one more try and ignoring Hanso as she said, "Don't do it, Jack. I am begging you, it's not worth it." She leaned up to his ear, whispering desperately, "Please, Jack, we can find another way. I love you."

Hanso's impatience was growing, and part of it was worry about how much longer Sawyer could be contained; if he sensed a split, a hole in their defenses he would take it and it would be a close battle. "Jack!"

He spun around and snarled, "Shut up, Al!" Turning back to Ana he touched her, sending chills of desire and love up her spine as he said, "That's not worth it, Ana?" He smiled a little and said, "I think you're lying."

A hand fell on his shoulder as Hanso grabbed him, snarling, "Do it now, Jack, or you'll never see her again. I'll kill her myself, if I have to." One of his men started towards Ana, but before anyone could move she had her gun out, firing, and Hanso fell dead, his head gone in a fine spray of blood and bone.

Chaos erupted in the grove as the animals charged, the chimp dropped from the trees onto the shoulders of one of the scruffy men, screeching and tearing at his face; the polar bear charged from the trees and Kate realized in a split second that that was what she had seen flitting through the jungle earlier, and she kind of smiled as it barrelled into one of the henchmen, sinking it's teeth and claws into his flesh and ripping with delight; the boars charged into the fray, tearing at random legs and knees with their tusks; and flocks of birds descended into the glade, flapping and pecking and clawing at faces and eyes. The men got off a few random shots but they were quickly buried, screaming, under a pile of feathers and fur and Jack took advantage of the confusion to grab Ana, frozen in shock as her gun dangled limply in her hands, and jerk her back into the jungle, out of immediate danger as they watched in horror at the unfolding scene.

As the boars charged two of the men in their way, Sara grabbed Kate and dragged her out of the middle of the fray, pulling her into the jungle where she turned to see Sawyer shooting blue bolts at random men; the horse came trotting up behind them, whickering insistently and nudging her but she refused. "No, I can't leave him."

One of the men freed himself from the flapping, squawking, screaming melee and ran in their direction, terror etched into his eyes but they quickly went blank as the horse's two back hooves met his scruffy jaw with a sickening crunch, and Kate almost threw up as his face accordioned and burst, and he dropped, headless, at her feet. She gagged, stepping around the body to climb up on the horse's back, staring desperately at Sawyer, willing him to come, to let the animals finish it. Sara clambered up behind her, grabbing her around the waist and the horse started to carry them back to the safety of the chapel but Kate stopped, him, leaning over and whispering in his ear; he flicked them back and stopped, turning so Kate could watch, just for another second and she panicked, because Sawyer was gone, the fight was dying down and most of the animals had melted back into the jungle, leaving the grove strewn with mangled bodies of man and beast alike.

She started to slide off of the horse and run to the grove, to find him, she was suddenly sure, with a stony, cold certainty that he was dead, that he had been killed by a stray bullet or a hidden knife, or something, the fact that she didn't see his body wasn't a comfort as her feet hit the ground, running, until a strong, warm hand closed over her arm, pulling her back. "Where do you think you're going? And why aren't you back at the chapel?"

Relief washed over her with such force she felt her legs give and she collapsed against him, burying her face in his shirt. "I was going to find you. I was sure you were dead."

He held her, stroking her hair as he said, "Who me? Bullets bounce off me." She rolled her eyes, he could feel it, even if he couldn't see it, and the thought that he knew her _that_ well made him laugh and he pulled back, kissing her lightly. "Get up there and let's go. I don't know where the A-hole Team went but I don't wanna wait for them to find us."

She snorted at his new nickname as her fear and horror waned with his touch and his warmth coursing through her. "I like that. But B.A. just shot Hannibal in the face. Never saw that on the show, huh?"

-----

Jack watched as the fight ended, finally, Hanso and all of his men dead, Sawyer and Kate gone, and he hadn't seen Locke since Ana pulled the trigger; he turned to her and she was staring at the grove in dismay, her gun still dangling limply in her hands. She seemed to be in shock, and Jack turned her to face him, his hands on her shoulders. "Ana?"

Her eyes slid up to his, glazed with shock, and she smiled a little crazily at him. "What?"

His hand reached out for the gun and she handed it to him without hesitation, her smile faltering as she gazed back out into the grove. She looked so sad, and _lost_, as her eyes rested on Hanso's body, glowing eerily in the starlight and Jack pulled her face back to his, forcing her to meet his eyes. "It's okay, Ana. What's done is done, you can't change it. But why? Why did you do it?"

"He was going to destroy us both, Jack. What you were going to do would have damned us both." Her voice was low and anxious and her eyes were welling with soft tears; Jack sighed and hugged her close, stroking her hair and shoulders.

"Ana, Ana, you knew this was coming." He kissed the top of her head, resting his lips there for a second, then he said, "It's okay. We can make the best of it." Pulling her back, he smiled, kissing her softly. "Maybe you did us a favor, Ana-Lucia."

"Or maybe she did _me_ a favor." They both jumped as Locke came out of the trees, gun drawn and pointed at Jack; Ana reached for hers and realized with chagrin that she had given it to Jack, who had it tucked it his waistband, where there was no way she could get it. "You see, you'll be dead."

Jack flared angrily as Locke came closer, still holding the pistol over Jack's heart. "Why kill us, John? Wouldn't we be more use to you alive?"

Locke considered the question for a second, then shook his head. "Nope. You know, honestly, Jack, apart from being a doctor you've been pretty useless here. The one task you're given, to kill Kate, and you can't do it, except for the time you're told expressly NOT to do it. You're so wrapped up in _her_," he waved his free hand at Ana, "that you don't have a clue as to what is going on here. Yet you want the power." He laughed harshly, holding the gun steadily as his finger tightened on the trigger and he turned to Ana. "You think he's doing this for you? Please, Ana, I though you were smart, I thought you could read people. He wants the power, the glory, and you're just the justification he gives himself. He _wants_ to do it."

Jack hissed at him through clenched teeth. "Shut up, John." He could feel Ana's accusing eyes on him, and he turned to her. "Ana, I swear, it's all for you. I love you."

She knew there was truth in John's words, Jack really did want the power, he always had and she'd always known it, but he did love her and she knew that too. There was no choice really, she would always side with Jack, she loved him; and as she watched Locke's finger tighten on the trigger, about to fire a bullet into Jack, all of the frustration and anger and pain in her exploded into wrath and she burst from her body into a dark, terrible angel, a glowing red shadow and Locke and Jack both fell back, startled as she rolled and thundered angrily at them. "Power? You have no concept of what power is."

She turned her dark gaze on Locke, and he stared at her in amazement and awe; to her surprise he knelt down in front of her and bowed his head. She didn't know what to do so she said, "Stand up, John."

Jack was on the ground, staring at her with fear, hurt, and anger as she dwindled back down into her body, and he scrabbled to his feet, backing away as she smiled sadly; Locke had risen and was standing behind her, his hand fiddling with something in his pocket. Chest heaving, Jack glared at her with revulsion, unwilling to believe what he had just seen, it wasn't possible, and he hissed, "What the hell was that Ana? What _are_ you?"

Locke spoke up, before Ana could. "She's an angel, Jack." Ana turned to him, a little surprised, but she nodded as he came to her, pulling a small leather pouch from his pocket, the one he had taken from the Shark hatch. "I've always been a man of faith, Ana," he said, pressing the bag into her hand. "Forgive me." He smiled at her quickly, then vanished into the trees.

Ana turned to Jack, who was backing away from her; she said, "Jack, I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you..."

He had turned his back on her and was walking into the jungle without a word.


	132. Chapter 132

**Chapter 132**  
Ana stood in the clearing for a long time, staring at the ground as she toyed with the pouch Locke had given her. She would go after Jack eventually but for now he needed a little time and space to think, to digest what he had seen and heard in just the space of an hour; Hanso dead, by her hand, Sawyer and his animal army annihilating Hanso's men in a matter of minutes, and surely, most shocking of all, she had revealed herself in the worst way possible, in anger and without any kind of preamble, and she kicked herself for being so stupid and impetuous.

He would see it as a betrayal; she knew Jack only saw things in black and white, there was no gray, either she was on his side and told him everything, no secrets, or she was against him, and being an angel was definitely a big secret to keep. The fact that she loved him would only hurt him more, and she could understand that, she understood why he was angry with her, but it didn't make things any easier, it didn't make him turning his back on her any easier to swallow.

She still felt a little guilt at killing Hanso, too, but that was paling in comparison to her other problems; he was going to kill her to make Jack do what he wanted and she considered it self-defense, and Jack defense, too, if she was honest with herself, because he would have done what they wanted and that _would_ have damned them. She saved them both, and Kate, by taking him out and hopefully the organization would be thrown into disarray long enough for her to get Jack away from them.

She wondered if Locke was heading back to the Foundation, to take it over; she didn't understand what had happened here, when he gave her the pouch. He was a man of faith? If he knew she was an angel, surely he knew that she was a fallen, or nearly fallen one, so why would he kneel before her and make an offering? Where exactly did his faith lie? She opened the pouch and tipped it over and two stones fell out, one black, one white. Her eyes widened and she smiled, shaking her head in amazement as she rolled the stones in her hand before slipping them back into the pouch and tucking it in her pocket; she wondered briefly if Locke knew what they were for, and she brushed the thought aside; if he knew they were the secret to opening another hatch he never would have given them up.

It was quiet in the jungle, very quiet; the animals were gone, not even the flies stayed in the haunted grove to feed on the dead, Ana's only company was the wind and the stars and she sighed, wanting to go after Jack; she missed him, his presence, the sweet tingle of lust she got just from his eyes on her, the way she could feel his excitement in every nerve, every fiber of her body and she _wanted_ him, so much so that she started into the jungle to find him.

-----

The journey back to the chapel was a quiet, somber one, as Sawyer walked beside the horse, his hand entwined with Kate's, he couldn't help but remember all of the death and destruction left behind in the grove and it made him a little sick. Not just the animals either, though enough of them had died to save Kate and Joshua that he knew he was now and forever a vegetarian, but the deaths of so many men for nothing saddened him, too, and he marveled that he could care even a little for people he didn't know, who were supposed to be his enemy. His newfound benevolence was a shock and he shook it away, preferring to turn his attention to Kate, and his hand squeezed hers, slightly, and she gazed down on him, smiling wanly.

She was feeling a little sick and she was sure it was only part morning sickness, exacerbated by the rolling of the horse and as Sawyer squeezed her hand she smiled and then the nausea spun in her belly and she dropped his hand, sliding from the horse and bolting for the woods.

Sara was ungainly trying to dismount; she'd never had much riding experience and before she could get her feet on the ground Sawyer was at Kate's side, holding her hair back and rubbing her shoulders as she retched into the bushes; Sara stopped and watched him, smiling and proud of the way he had taken over, how he _wanted_ to be there for Kate. The horse nickered softly and she smiled, patting his neck as they both watched Sawyer pull an extra shirt from his pack and wet it, sponging off Kate's face gently, then enfolding her pale, shaky body in his arms, kissing her forehead and murmuring softly into her ear. Nickering again, the horse tossed his head in their direction an Sara smiled again. "Yes," she said, "He does love her. It's beautiful, isn't it?"

The horse neighed again, a little dubiously, and Sara laughed; he sounded for all the world like a disapproving father and he swished his tail impatiently as Sawyer kissed her, long and deep, his hands sliding under her shirt as she leaned into him. The swishing tail caught the corner of Sawyer's eye and he pulled away, looking a little sheepish at Kate's questioning glance. "Your dad is watching us, Kate. It's a little weird."

She glanced aside at the horse, he was indeed watching them with a very disapproving mein, giving Sawyer the eye as he stomped his hooves impatiently, and she laughed, kissing Sawyer quickly on the cheek and leaning her pale, clammy forehead against his chest. "I guess we've been caught, Jimmy. Boy is my dad gonna be mad!" She swallowed hard, her smile gone as she remembered the horse's hooves splattering the Other's head and she said, "Just stay away from his hooves, James."

She didn't get back on the horse, afraid that his rolling gait would make her sick again and she already felt horrible enough. She was glad it was Sawyer that had come to her, though she loved Sara, she just wanted him to be as much a part of Joshua as she was, to be as much a part of the experience as he could be. She wasn't whole without him and neither was the baby, they needed him to be there, _she_ needed him to be there and he was, his arm wrapped around her shoulder, holding her up against him, bearing her, carrying her.

Sara stayed on the ground too, and the horse walked beside her, slightly behind Kate and Sawyer, looking at Sawyer now and then with a wary eye and Sara laughed, saying low, "You don't have to worry about him, you know. He's a good guy." The horse bobbed his head, neighing softly, and she patted his neck, scratching up under his mane as his eyes softened as he looked back up the the two of them, so obviously happy and loving, and he whickered again, quietly. "Yeah, she's happy. He makes her happy."

The chapel loomed up in the darkness and the horse neighed sharply, trotting up to the door and obviously telling Kate to get inside and stay; she laughed and kissed him on the nose, and she waited in the doorway for Sawyer, who suddenly seemed a little uneasy around the horse as he tried to edge past him into the chapel and he scooted by quickly as he bared his teeth, snorting and swishing his tail. Sara swept by, patting him as she passed and when all three were inside the horse stomped, giving one last emphatic snort, and with a small buck he disappeared into the jungle.

Sawyer closed and bolted the door and all three of them just stood for a minute in the dim starlight, relieved at being somewhere safe and comfortable after the surreal events of the night. Kate was suddenly exhausted; the stress and terror combined with puking her guts out in the bushes drained her of any energy and she suddenly slumped against Sawyer, who caught her up with concern flashing in his eyes. "Kate, are you okay?"

She nodded, lifting her face to his. "I'm tired, James. Can we sleep out in the garden?"

He kissed her, sweeping her up into his arms. "Of course, baby. Anything you want." He had been terrified, during the fight, because he couldn't find her but his terror had been tempered by the fact that he didn't see Sara either and he took that as a sign that she had gotten Kate away; he told himself that was what happened because the idea of anything else made his vision go black and his legs like lead and he needed his wits about him. As soon as he was sure it was over he went to find her and he had seen her on the horse, gazing with panic at the grove and he knew she was looking for him, with that look of fear and longing and he loved her so much that he couldn't move for a second; she had almost run back into the carnage before he could force his love-stopped brain back into action, just in time to grab her wrist. He wasn't surprised that she was tired, he'd felt the way her body wracked when she was sick and he ached to help her, to make it go away but he knew that wasn't what she wanted, and so he just held and stroked her, because that _was_ what she wanted. He was thankful that he could give it to her.

The door squeaked open and he carried her out into the sweet, warm night air of the garden, perfumed and colorfully gray in the starlight; he knew what she wanted and he carried her to the bed of flowers, laying her gently down before kissing her and reclining next to her, his hand sliding across her stomach and he frowned as he felt the deep furrows she had gouged into her skin. He lifted up onto his elbow, pulling her shirt up so he could see and traced his fingers over them, sadly, sending chills through her gut as he said, "Kate..." Sadness overwhelmed him, that she had been so scared, so terrified that she had done that to herself and he hadn't been able to stop it, to help her, and his confidence from earlier, the pride from winning was gone, because she had been hurt after all, not so much physically but spiritually, emotionally, she had been suffering and he hadn't done anything. Doubts and fears crushed him again, how could he possibly think he could be any kind of a father? How could Kate put all of her faith in him, how could he let her? How could she love him? They were silly fears, and he knew it, but something deep inside, that small nugget of Sawyer that would never really go away wouldn't let him totally, completely put them aside. He kissed the scratches, gently, making Kate shiver and she wrapped her hands in his hair, pulling his mouth to hers, and they were gone, the fears, doubts, everything, vanished with her touch, her strength, and he returned her kiss fircely, as passion wracked him with tremors and it quickly became needy on both sides as they tried to forget the horrors of the night in the only way they knew how.

-----

For anyone else Jack's trail would have been impossible to follow, but Ana _was_ an angel, after all, and what was the good of having certain abilities if you couldn't use them? Her secret was out, anyway, so it didn't really matter anymore, and so she moved quickly, so fast that Jack would have been jealous, but she wasn't really trying to make the situation worse, so when she knew she was getting close she slowed down, getting as silent as the breeze as she approached him.

She stopped, cold, because it wasn't Jack's voice she was hearing, Locke was speaking and she moved closer, listening as he said, "Didn't he kill himself last time he thought she was dead? We can fake her death easy enough, maybe he'll do it again."

Now she heard Jack, and her stomach dropped as he said, "Locke, what if this kid is bad news for us? Do you really want to take that chance? Maybe we should just kill her and be done with it. Walt's good for another few years, right? Surely there will be another by then."

She hated him, in that moment, hated him because he _did_ want the power more then he wanted her, and he was eager to kill Kate, even John was giving him an out and yet he was still determined on Kate. Kate. Even now, after all of this time, after everything they had been through, it was Kate who was coming between them yet again, and she made a decision, right then and there, that she was going to take steps to finish this, end it once and for all, or at least help it along because she was _tired_, tired of fighting it, going against what she knew was wrong when being right wasn't getting her anywhere. She wanted to stay good, and this was her last chance, she was weakening because she loved him, and the only way she was going to keep him was if she gave in or if the spell he was under was broken; she couldn't hold out much more against his will, he was powerful, at least he had power over her that even divinity couldn't overcome.

John shook his head, sighing. "Ana won't like that, Jack. You should try not to piss her off too much."

Disgust crossed his face as she said, "Why, because she's an _angel_?" He sneered the last word, and Ana's heart froze at the loathing in his voice.

John smiled at him as if he were an idiot. "Jack, you know killing Kate is wrong, even if you're doing it for what you think are the right reasons. Don't deny it, you know it's true." Jack didn't deny it though he shot Locke a look of disgust. "Ana knows it too, and yet she would let you do the very thing that will condemn her because she loves you." He looked aside at Jack and smiled. "It's just us, Jack. So tell me, do you really love her?"

Ana's breath caught in her chest because Jack didn't answer right away; fear and apprehension made her cold and she tried not to shiver, afraid that her chattering teeth would give her away; her apprehension grew as Jack smiled, shaking his head. "No. I don't."

She had to grab onto a tree to keep from falling over and she choked back a sob, forcing herself to stay and listen, because now she _knew_ what she was going to do, and fck Jack and the fcking horse he rode in on. Locke was talking again, and she swallowed, trying to block out her thudding, furious, broken heart as he said, "Better not ler her find that out. As a matter of fact," he glanced in her direction, then scanned his eyes around the glade, "She's probably almost here, I'm sure she followed you eventually. I'd better go. I'll see you at the foundation." He paused, looking back at Jack, frowning, "Don't do anything to Kate. Not yet. Let us figure things out first, see where we stand. There's still a lot we don't know. Patience, Jack."

Jack nodded, shrugging, and Locke grinned at him, again, disappearing into the jungle.


	133. Chapter 133

**Chapter 133**  
Ana stayed in the trees for a long time, watching Jack and thinking over the scene she had just witnessed; her heart was still broken and burning with anger but she kept her cool, keeping to the shadows and watching. And _thinking_.

Locke knew she was there, he'd looked right at her, and that made anything he said suspect. It interested her a little that he seemed to be trying to keep Kate alive, too, and that was promising, though, again, he knew she was there, so he could have just been saying it because he knew that was what she wanted to hear. Her hand went to her pocket, where the little pouch was tucked, and she wondered again about Locke's subservience and his offering; maybe he really _was_ a man of faith and being confronted with an angel was enough to ease him to her side, under her hand, if she played it right. It was an idea, and she made a note to herself to feel Locke out later, decide if he was trying to play her or not.

Jack was her concern now, and after Locke left he stared in her general direction for a few minutes, though he obviously didn't see her hidden in the shadows and she wondered if he was waiting for her; finally he sighed and sat on a fallen log, putting his head in his hands. She hated him but God help her, she wanted to go to him because he looked so...dejected and lonely that she couldn't bear it; she still loved _him_, though she loathed him, too, and only uncommon restraint kept her from unleashing the wrath of heaven on his arrogant, manipulative, conniving head.

She just didn't understand it, how could he have acted that way all of this time? Was it just the sex, and he used love to get what he wanted? Why do that to her? Suspicions fed suspicions and her thinking inevitably came around to Kate, it was because of Kate, he couldn't have _her_ and so she was his substitute. That was why he wanted to kill her so badly; it was making him insane that he couldn't have her and with the taste of power he had finally snapped. For once she didn't hate Kate for Jack's obsession; the truth was staring her in the face and she _saw_ it, and her anger at Jack grew until her eyes began to glow softly.

Fine, if it was power and Kate he loved so much, then that was where she'd hurt him.

Her aura was dark and shadowy and she blended in as she moved forward, towards Jack; he was still sitting with his head in his hands but she didn't feel sorry, not this time, and she waved her hand, bringing darkness down over them as she touched his shoulder, freezing him in place, stopping time.

His pack was next to him and she rifled through it, finding Kate's pouch with the stones and the box he'd found in the Zoo; she pocketed them, zipping his pack back up and setting it back exactly how it had been.

She stopped and stared at him for a few seconds, torn between loathing and love and love won out for a second as she bent and planted a kiss on his warm lips, feeling the spark still; but he didn't love her, she'd _heard_ it with her own ears and she backed away from him, her eyes lingering on him even as she wanted to turn away, turn her back on him like he had turned on her but she couldn't bring herself to do it. She still _wanted_ him and it was only when she backed into the cover of the trees that she finally tore her eyes away and with a sigh, snapped her fingers, bringing the jungle back to life.

She watched for a minute as Jack looked around, confused, and as he reached up and touched his lips she turned and disappeared silently into the jungle

-----

They lay together, sated, in the flowers; their scent was all around them drowning them in the sweet fragrance and Sawyer stroked her belly, softly, feeling little Joshua as Kate gazed at him, the starlight reflected in her eyes and he said, almost without thinking, "I got a girl pregnant once."

She laughed softly; it seemed irreverent to break the quiet hush of the garden and they kept their voices to whispers as she said, "Now, why doesn't that surprise me?" He rolled up on his elbow to look at her. "Does that mean there's already a little Sawyer running around somewhere?"

She was a little jealous of the nameless, faceless woman and her child; she wanted to be the only one, though, given his past it was likely that there was a lot more than one little Sawyer running around. She was almost relieved at his curt, "No." He didn't elaborate and she reached up to touch his face and it was wet; she leaned up and kissed him, and he said, "She lost it."

His hand tightened on her stomach and she said, "I'm sorry, that she lost it. You must have been very sad."

He smiled sadly. "No," he said, softly, "I wasn't. Not then." She didn't press him; he was going to tell her, she could sense it, and her hand reached down and covered his, as he said, "We were in high school. I was fourteen, I didn't want a kid. I was angry, pissed off at the world, I'd been gettin' in a lot of trouble, and that was the last straw. When she told me she was pregnant I ran. Quit school, left town, struck out on my own. I heard through the grapevine later that her daddy made her get an abortion." His eyes wouldn't meet hers. "I'm not proud of it, but I was a kid." He was quiet for a second, and she felt a tear drip onto her chest as he said, "Sometimes I think about that kid, how old he'd be now, what he'd be doing...it's crazy, really, because he was never even anything, never even _real_ to me." He kissed her, hard, with a sudden sad desperation, and she could feel the dampness on her cheeks, though she wasn't sure if it was his or hers as he pulled away, gripping her belly and whispering fiercely, "Until now."

She laughed shakily and as he lowered his head to her stomach, kissing the furrowed skin lightly, she said, "Mine would be ten."

His head jerked up and he met her eyes before she looked away, sorry she had said anything, but he'd been so open, she just let it out without thinking. But now he'd want an _explanation_ and she wasn't ready for that, to open that door she kept her secret locked behind, locked so tight she'd almost forgotten about it, convinced herself it didn't happen, but her mind, her heart hadn't forgotten and now it was too late. "Yours?"

"I don't want to talk about it." She sat up and he rose next to her, grabbing her wrist, gently, but firmly.

"Oh, no, Freckles," he said, low and throaty, "it don't work that way, not anymore. You say somethin', you finish it." She wouldn't meet his eyes and he sighed, whispering, "Kate, whatever it is, I'm not gonna judge you. I just want to know because I love you."

She was crying and he wiped away a tear as she whispered, "It was Tom's. I was seventeen." She turned her body away, refusing to face him. "He never knew about it. He was going to college, I wasn't going to let him ruin that, not to bring a baby into _my_ life, my hell."

"Do you ever think about it?"

She suddenly turned and met his eyes, making him shiver; they were terrified silver points in the dark, and she whispered, "No." The terror turned to desperation and she clutched his hand. "I kill everyone I love, James, it's my curse. Everyone." She put his hand to her stomach, pressing it to her smooth, taut skin, as she whispered, pleading, "Please don't let me do it again."

He clutched her tight, cradling her against his body as he whispered, "No, Kate, no, don't think like that. Don't say that." Tears wet his chest and she was trembling against him as the memory she had hidden for so long came bursting out; the lonely, horrible trip to Des Moines, by herself; she'd made up some story about visiting a sick friend to get her mom's car, since her motorcycle didn't seem the best way for her to drive home. The sterile, impersonal, cold waiting room, filled with haggard, pasty women, strained and stressed and she realized now that she must have looked the same, lonely and about to destroy the one thing in the world that was sure to love her, to ease her loneliness. Faceless nurses, featureless doctors, spinning nausea, blurs, blurs, blurs, and the ride home, alone, sobbing and tempted to just keep driving, just keep going and not look back, start over in a new town, in a new state, hell, in another frickin' country if that was what it took to leave the horrible empty ache in her heart behind.

In the end she went home and handed her mother the keys without a word and went to her room, curling up on the bed with a ragged stuffed animal between her knees and three blankets over her head to muffle the sound of her crying. She never told anyone, not even Tom, he would have hated her for it, even though she knew she was right; they weren't ready and it would have ruined him. She acted out the rest of the year until he left for college, then it was easy to lose herself, lose him.

The memory played itself out and it was like drawing poison; she felt released, relieved that finally, after all of this time, someone knew, someone could tell her it was okay, she had done the right thing and as he held her, stroking her hair as her tears abated, he said, "Well, Freckles, I guess there's somethin' else we got in common."

Her laugh was harsh and bitter but clear as she replied, "That's quite a dubious honor, isn't it? For both of us."

His own laugh was no less bitter and harsh. "I guess it is." He pulled away, looking her in the eyes. "You did what you did, Kate, and whether or not is was right depends on who you talk to. My personal view? If _you_ think you did the right thing, then you did."

Tears welled up in her eyes again and she buried her face in his chest, letting the guilt out, giving it up as she cried, "But I don't know if I did! I've kept it...away for so long I don't know how I feel anymore."

He sighed, wishing he was better at this kind of thing; comforting a woman in distress was not his thing, since, being the usual cause of the distress, he was out the door and out of state before he had to deal with tears and emotions, and while the last few weeks with Kate had given him some practice, this was an area where he didn't have a lot of expertise. "I don't...Kate, you did what you had to do. You obviously thought it was right at the time, why should now be any different?" Kissing her forehead softly he whispered, "It doesn't make you a bad person. You did it for the right reason, and that means something."

His words didn't really matter, it was the fact that he was holding her, loving her anyway that made the difference; he didn't judge her, and she knew he wouldn't, but it felt so _good_ to get the heavy, hard secret out; that door was hanging open and the secret room was empty, no, not empty, it was filled with light and warmth and James. She was full of those secrets, too, and as she looked into his eyes she knew that she could tell him every single one and he would never hate her, never pass judgement on her actions, never stop loving her, no matter what; his heart was beating wildly as she leaned her head against his chest, so...safe, and comfortable, and she said, "Thank you."

He kissed her, softly, feeling the sadness and the joy inside of her; she was both, two sided forever and not even _he_ could heal her completely. "Don't thank me, Freckles." he grinned at her, his dimples flashing in the starlight; she reached up and brushed away some of his shaggy hair and he caught her hand, bringing it to his lips. "You know what I think?" he asked softly, kissing her fingertips. She shook her head, smiling as he pulled her hand town to her stomach, pressing it there. "I think we're both getting a second chance, Kate."

Her eyes were shining with happy, satisfied tears as she replied, "Yeah. I think so, too."


	134. Chapter 134

**Chapter 134**  
The frantic piping of frogs in the garden fountain woke them and the great white owl circled overhead, hooting a warning as Kate jumped to her feet, trying to adjust her eyes to the darkness; she could feel Sawyer next to her, tense and alert as the jungle around the chapel suddenly exploded into squawks and shouts and Kate looked at him and said, "Ana?"

They bolted to the door, making sure it was locked, and Sawyer shouted through it, "What are you doing here Ana?"

She hollered over the screeching birds and Kate could just picture what was happening outside; she laughed to herself as Ana cursed and shouted, "Call off your damn watchdogs, will ya? I can't come any closer anyway."

Sara joined them at the door, and at Ana's last words she glanced at the two of them, nodding; Ana couldn't get in, and while it was a good thing it was a bad sign. Sawyer unbolted the door and edged out, keeping Kate behind him, though she tried to push through to see what was happening; he finally moved aside enough for her to see and she snorted at the sight of Ana, hands in the air, warding off the beaks and claws of three little birds while sidestepping the angry, snorting, suspicious boar. Sawyer let Kate enjoy it for a moment before calling out, "Enough, guys." One of the little birds swooped in and gave her one more satisfied peck before flying away into the night and the boar snorted, tossing his tusks before melting back into the jungle. "Are you alone? Where's Jack?"

She was on the edge of the glade, almost, far from the walls of the chapel and she couldn't come any closer; there was an invisible wall, an electric fence and each time she stepped too close she burned, like white-hot fire and so she stayed a good distance away, hands up as she said, "I'm alone. I don't know where Jack is."

Sara came out of the chapel, gliding across the clearing until she was a few feet from her, then she said, "Why are you here, Ana?" She could see her, up close now, and she was a little shocked; her face was drawn and haggard and her eyes were cold and _black_.

"You hoping for another Bible showdown?" She smiled but it was wan and sad and it didn't reach her eyes and she looked away, unable to bear the scrutiny of Sara's kind, gentle eyes. "I have something for Kate."

Kate pushed past Sawyer before he could stop her and joined Sara at the edge of the clearing; Sawyer followed right behind her and he stood, glaring at Ana as she handed the two pouches and the box to her. "What are these?" she asked, even as she dumped the contents of the three into her hand. She looked up at Ana in surprise. "Where did you get these?"

Ana smiled, and it was genuine as she said, "I took them from Jack. We found another hatch, across the valley in the other mountain range. There was nothing there but a stone chamber, and in the chamber was a backgammon board." She motioned to the stones. "Those are the pieces."

Sawyer took the stones from Kate, shaking them in his hand. "So, what does that mean?"

"There's a disc set in the floor and I think it opens. You have to play the game to get...whatever it is you get in there. After these pieces we need three more sets. One of them is at the caves, do you know where?"

Kate nodded. "Adam and Eve." She smiled. "I swear, this place gets weirder and weirder all the time." She took Ana's hand, suddenly, making her jump a little, and her eyes grew chilly as she said, "Now why are you _here_?" Ana's blank look didn't fool her and her grip tightened, grinding Ana's fingers together painfully. "You come waltzing in here with a handful of rocks, you won't say why, you won't say where Jack is, and you expect us to go wandering off somewhere, looking for a backgammon board?" She shook her head, jerking Ana's hand so she came close; her hand was burning Kate's but she didn't let go. "Do you think we're stupid? If I were you, I'd have an ambush waiting, somewhere, so you could finish the job you're so eager to do." She thrust Ana away, roughly, trying hard not to look at her burning hand; it almost felt like it was going to blister.

Ana nodded, grimacing as she unconciously rubbed her bruised fingers. She understood Kate's sarcasm, and she really didn't blame her, but coupled with Jack's betrayal and her percieved part in it, she wasn't feeling too charitable towards Kate at the moment and so she glared back at her, sneering as she said, "You ever hear the expression, 'Don't look a gift horse in the mouth'? Know where it came from?" She leaned close to Kate, her eyes burning bronzey-black as she continued, "See, used to be, a horse was a man's livelihood. In fact, horse theft was a hanging offense. Very valuable. You can imagine, can't you, what kind of a gift it was to get? Now, the only way, then, to tell the age of a horse was to look at it's teeth, and try to judge how old it was by how worn they were." The corners of her mouth turned up and she said, "So why don't you just take this gift horse at face value, huh?" She grabbed Kate's wrist, pulling her close as her eyes glowed and she whispered so only Kate could hear, "Jack fucked up. That's why I'm here. Take it or leave it." She shoved her away, and Sawyer made a move, but Kate held him back, shaking her head.

Whatever had happened between Jack and Ana wasn't her business and she didn't want to know, but he'd done _something_, Kate could tell from Ana's touch, her eyes; she still didn't trust her though, and she sneered and said, "Ever heard of the Trojan Horse? Know where _it_ came from?"

Sawyer and Sara were watching the two of them, squared off like wrestlers but there was no hint of violence between them; instead there was tension and distrust but it seemed they had both had their fill of blood and destruction and so they battled with looks and words as Kate continued, "See, Paris, the handsome prince of Troy had stolen away the beautiful Helen from under the nose of her Greek husband and so the Greeks attacked Troy, to get her back, but the walls held fast and they began a siege which dragged on for years; tiring of war, the clever Greeks built a huge wooden horse and a band of soldiers hid inside. The Trojans believed the word of a Greek traitor, that it was a gift, a peace offering, and they hauled it inside the gates, leaving it in the city square until morning, but during the night the band of hidden soldiers crept out, opened the gate and let in the Greek army to wreak havoc on the unsuspecting Troy." She smirked and said, "So you'll understand if I'm not willing to take _any_ gift horse at face value."

Ana smirked, but with a tinge of admiration; Kate was sharp and quick and tough, though she hid it well when she wanted to. "Fair enough." She glanced at Sara and Sawyer and leaned close again, whispering so only Kate could hear her again, "He...he betrayed me, Kate. I stole the stones and I left him in the jungle. I don't know where he is, I swear."

Her eyes met Kate's and they connected, for a second; instead of enemies and sometime rivals they were almost friends, sharing the bond of two women in love with dangerous men, and Kate knew she was telling the truth. Glancing back at Sawyer, who was looking at her quizzically, Kate sighed and pulled off her pack, rifling through it until she found the little leather bag they'd discovered in the chapel and she spilled the stones out into her hand, holding them out for Ana to see. "One at the caves, one here. That leaves one set."

Sawyer tilted his head, eyeing Kate. "What are you doing, Freckles?" What the hell had Ana said to her?

Sighing again and closing her eyes, briefly, she said, "We're going to the hatch to play a game of backgammon. You got any better ideas?"

The thing that frightened him the most was that he didn't. What else were they going to do? Stay at the chapel forever? It would just be putting off the inevitable, because the church had only been temporary anyway. Go back to the beach? They weren't any safer there. There was nowhere they were safe, _nowhere_, so logically the best thing to do would be to keep moving, and why not go explore a new hatch? Sure...maybe the game would open up a passageway back up the rabbit hole and out of this twisted fcking Wonderland. He could feel Kate smirking at him and he shot her a look of disgust because he didn't have a better idea. "I'm sure one will come to me, sweetcheeks."

Kate snorted. "Well, be sure and let me know when it does, honeybuns." She turned back to Ana, ignoring the slightly hurt, but mainly pissed off look he gave her, and he shook his head in silent frustration. Why, when two or more women got together did it automatically become a girl's club? It never failed. Here were two women who hated each other normally, but get them together around a single, unarmed man, and they were like lifelong freakin' friends. He didn't get it. All of his life had been geared towards women, knowing how to work them, get inside their heads, and he'd done it for twenty years with admirable success but he _still_ didn't really get them. Not even Kate, and his point was proven as she said to Ana, "That presents a problem, doesn't it? The other set could be anywhere."

Ana nodded. "Jack found one of those in the Zoo, when we were in the cave-in. The other was from the drains, and the third Locke gave me." She sensed she had made a mistake as Kate's guard shot up again.

"Why would Locke give those to you? Did he know what they were for?" She hadn't forgotten the feel of cold steel being drawn across her throat.

Sharp eyes were on her and she knew lying would be useless, so she said, "Locke and Jack were fighting after I...after what happened earlier, and I lost my temper and..." she mimicked an explosion, forming her arms into a mushroom cloud. "I sorta let it slip." She glanced aside at Sawyer, who was glaring at her with scary intensity, and she turned her gaze to Sara. She would understand, more than anyone. "Jack freaked out and Locke told him I was an angel, then Locke offered me these in exchange for forgiveness, I think."

Ana sighed with relief as Sara nodded at her, like absolution; she was believed, for now; Sara smiled, then reached into her pack, pulling out the _Beginner's Guide to Backgammon_ and handed it to Kate. "Good thing I like board games."

Looking at Sara curiously, Kate opened the book and grinned, picking up the pouch inside and dumping the last two pieces of the backgammon game into her hand. "Well. Isn't this interesting?" She looked at Sawyer, who was still pouting angrily, and she said, "Looks like we're headed home."

How long had they been gone? Like three weeks? Surely everyone at camp thought they were dead, if there was a camp left. They were all suddenly apprehensive, except Sara, wondering if there was anything there for them to find. Or anyone. Well, the Island hadn't imploded or exploded or vanished so _someone_ was there, at the hatch anyway. It was a scant comfort.

He tried to pinpoint exactly where during the last few minutes he had lost of control of the situation because this was _certainly_ not where he had seen things going, especially not back to the beach; it was kinda funny, but he'd only pictured he and Kate together back in the real world, in their future, he hadn't ever considered that they'd be going back, around everyone else. So much had changed that only they could begin to understand; the people on the beach had no idea. "Are you sure that's a good idea?"

She wasn't sure but they had to go; that's where the stones were. The reunion with the others worried her a little, and she realized with a jolt that _they_ were the others now, they were apart from the people at camp, they were altered. The Island had changed them all. She suddenly wanted his arms around her, his warmth against her, filling her and she went to him, sighing with relief as she felt the weight of his arms fall comfortably around her shoulders. "No, James, I'm not sure."

He chuckled, kissing the top of her head. She still needed him, and suddenly everything was okay; as long as they were together they could deal with anything; hadn't they already? "Well, as long as you're not sure." She glanced up at him, grinning, and he kissed her, cupping the sides of her face in his hands; taking her hand he turned to Sara and Ana and said, "We'll go in the morning."

He started to lead her back into the chapel, and when Sara didn't follow Kate turned back and Sara said, "I think I'll stay out here." Kate didn't miss the grateful look Ana threw at Sara; she'd forgotten that Ana couldn't come into the chapel and she was suddenly glad that Sara offered to stay, she didn't like the thought of Ana being alone out there, not after whatever had happened between her and Jack.

They disappeared into the chapel and the door shut firmly behind them; Sara turned to Ana and said, "So, what really happened out there, Ana?"


	135. Chapter 135

**Chapter 135**

Jack waited in the glade all night, waited for Ana; even as the night waned he thought she would come, that she would follow him. He could have sworn, once during his vigil , that her lips brushed his because suddenly, he could feel her, taste her, but she wasn't there, it was just a trick of his imagination. The drug was really working, now, and he felt so strong, so...of the Island, that sometimes all of the thoughts and ideas in his head couldn't be kept straight and the line between reality and fantasy became more and more blurred.

He tried to listen for her, to hear her thoughts but he couldn't find them; he wondered if it was because of her...because of what she was, and he decided that had to be it. Then the horrible thought struck him; what if she _had_ followed him, and heard he and John? His stomach dropped; he'd been so sure that he would sense her coming that he had not been careful about what he said, and he paled at the thought of what she might have heard. If she'd heard...he groaned slightly to himself and put his head back into his hands again.

Locke. Somehow that son of a bitch knew she was there and he asked Jack that question, and as much as he loathed the bstard he had to admire the question because if he said no, well, obviously it would push him and Ana apart and that benefitted John, and if he said yes, then Ana would hear and she'd be glad Locke asked, making her trust him just a little more, especially after he did that crap in the jungle, kneeling before her and offering her a pouch...a familiar looking one, at that. It hit him like a brick. _John_ had the other stones.

So now he had a dilemma; did he go after Locke and kick his ass for letting Ana overhear them, hiding the stones, and generally just being a manipulative asshle? He could get the other pieces from him and _then_ go after Ana, with the stones in hand they could go to the hatch and play the game. Or did he go after Ana now, because he had to fix things, because he was ruined without her? She'd go with him after Locke, he was sure, and they could do it _together_.

He still had his eyes covered and he didn't notice as the glade went completely dark, but he did notice something.

Ana.

He felt her before he opened his eyes, smiling; but his triumphant grin faded when he saw her and Sara, together, and it was strange, the glade was illuminated with a faint, rosy gray glow, like a red sunrise, and he backed up, slowly, all coherent thought driven from his mind by the two angels, hovering silently in front of him.

Ana didn't say a word, she simply glared at him and he knew with a sudden sinking feeling that she _had_ heard everything, and he opened his mouth to explain, to try to salvage the situation, to _fix_ it, but Sara shook her finger silently and he was struck dumb, grasping his throat and trying to speak, but there was nothing.

Ana pulled a handful of black and white stones from her pocket and shook them tauntingly in her hand, then giving him a nasty smile she flipped him off with a flourish and exploded into a black and red cloud that dissipated into the night, leaving Sara; the glade was filled with bright white light and she hovered in front of Jack, staring at him with sad disapproval before exploding into her own brilliantly sparkling cloud and disappearing in the breeze.

He could suddenly talk again but his voice was lost in the trees as it burst out, "...Love you!"

His own voice woke him up and he lifted his head from his hands, in a daze, he shook his head to clear it and realized he'd been dreaming; he must have dozed off while he was waiting. But she wasn't going to come, he knew it, and with a cold finger of dread tracing down his spine he reached into his pack, looking for the stones. They were gone, and she had taken them, and he slung his pack across the glade in fury, watching as it exploded against a tree trunk scattering his stuff everywhere but he didn't care; anger and betrayal wracked him and he couldn't decide who he wanted to find more, Locke or her. Locke had played them both, even while Jack was playing him and Ana was the one who came out the winner, by default.

Leaving the contents of his pack strewn on the ground, except for the spare gun and a water bottle, he closed his eyes and tried to make a decision. With a heavy sigh he chose, and headed off into the jungle.

-----

Kate was asleep before she hit the flowers and Sawyer lay beside her, wide awake, just watching her sleep; he thought he knew the real Kate but the truth hurt, because he was sure that there were parts of her he would never know, she was a puzzle and she'd hidden the pieces to herself so well even she couldn't find them. He wanted to know her, the whole her, every deep corner and chasm in her heart and he could, if he chose; her mind was like a diary and he could pick the lock and read it any time he wanted but he didn't, though he was tempted, so tempted, to know what she thought and felt about him, and Joshua, but she was always eventually pretty honest about those things. He wanted the secret Kate, the one only she knew, but he wanted it from her, given freely, not taken, and so he just watched. And wondered.

It was strange, he thought, how she could still surprise him, after all of this time together, though it hadn't been all that long really, had it? He'd expected her to slap the sht out of Ana, not become her best friend, though, he had to admit, watching her get the best of Ana in their battle of wits had turned him on a little and he suddenly wished she wasn't sleeping. He considered waking her but stopped himself; she needed the rest and her health was more important than his needs. But they were a close, close second.

His thoughts were getting him a little uncomfortable so he tried to move them elsewhere, to the beach; he almost dreaded going back. It kind of felt like going back to square one, like going home after a lifetime away, how different everything looked with a little perspective behind it. He'd gone home to Tenneessee once, or whatever had passed for a home, and he drove by it, not stopping, just staring at the house where his father killed his mother and himself, setting young James on a path he had never expected, a path of self-destruction and misery that had forever changed him, molded him into someone else, scarred him, and he was surprised by how small it was, how in his mind it had taken on such mythic proportions that when he saw it again, with experienced eyes and jaded heart it was nothing but a crackerbox with peeling paint and missing shingles. But he was back there again, huddled under the bed, listening to screams and gunshots and pissing himself with terror because he was eight fucking years old and he didn't know what to do. Ten minutes later he found himself on a two lane highway doing eighty miles an hour through a haze of furious, miserable tears as he left Tenneessee behind and he told himself as he sped away that he was _never_ crossing the state lines again if he could help it because he was already in hell and he didn't need to be dragged further down, and to prove it he went on a two week binge in some craphole town in North Carolina, blowing all of his money and screwing every woman he could get his hands on.

Square one. How would they be around so many other people, people who were basically strangers now? The changes in them were so vast, so deep and fundamental that he couldn't imagine how it would look to people who hadn't been there, who hadn't experienced the same things as they had; could they even begin to understand what had happened? Hell, he'd _been_ there for most of it and he didn't understand. But what scared him was Kate, how would she be? With him? It was a silly fear, that she'd go back to the old Kate, shunning him, pushing him away, but it _was_ like going home, it would seem so much smaller now, and confining, and he would be back in his tent, wanting Kate, needing her, and suffering in misery because he was thity-six fucking years old and he still didn't know what to do.

It wouldn't be like that, though, and he knew it, but the fear was still there, taunting him, making him reluctant to return. There was also all of the explaining, and talking around and around; he hoped to God they could just slip into the caves and slip out without being noticed but that was unlikely; even with the hatch the caves still provided most of the water and people were in and out all day. At least they had been.

He also had the sneaking suspicion that Kate didn't want to slip in, she wanted to go to the beach and see Sun, and Claire, and Aaron, and he supposed he couldn't blame her; just because he didn't have any friends didn't mean she didn't. She really, genuinely cared about the other people at the camp and he thought with a pang how much she must have missed and worried about Sun and Claire especially, and the baby, and he smiled to himself as he realized that _he_ wanted to see the rotten little kid again, with his big apple head.

His smile faded as his hand slid across Kate's stomach because reality suddenly kicked him square in the nuts; _they were going to have a baby_. Kate was carrying a little person inside of her, and though he'd known it, and adjusted to it, and loved it, he hadn't really _grasped_ it and now cold panic seized him and he uttered, "Oh, shit."

Kate stirred and blinked sleepily, stretching innocently against him. "What shit?" she mumbled, pushing up closer into his arms and suddenly the stretching wasn't so innocent and all of his worries and concerns fled as he touched his lips to hers softly, feeling only a little guilty. After all, he didn't actually _wake_ her up.

Her mouth was responsive though she was still limp in his arms and he wasn't sure she was entirely awake but he didn't care; her tongue slid gently against his and he moaned, almost without realizing it as her hands slipped sleepily beneath his shirt, lifting it over his head. As his bare skin pressed to hers she was _awake_, like she'd been stuck with an electric wire and her eyes widened as he slid aginst her, rocking into her with a passionate force fed by his fears and doubts until she cried out with wild abandon, his voice joining hers and they panted together, listening to their groans echoing through the jungle as Kate snuggled back into his sweaty, slick embrace, falling back asleep with a peaceful, satisfied smile on her face.

He shook his head, rolling his eyes at her sleeping body as she leaned down and kissed her cheek. "You're welcome, Freckles."

-----

After Kate and Sawyer disappeared into the chapel, Sara and Ana sat on the edge of the clearing, the stars the only light in the pre-dawn darkness. Ana was actually feeling a little relieved, to be here with Sara; if anyone could help her, understand her, it was Sara, and not just because of the angel thing. Sara had been _married_ to Jack, and if there was anyone in the world who could honestly understand her feelings it would be her.

"So, what happened, Ana?"

Ana sighed, picking at a blade of grass. "After I shot...Jack dragged me in the jungle and after the battle Locke came to us and they started over the power and I just kind of lost it, you know? I..." she mimicked exploding into her dark, terrible angelic self, then grinned sheepishly. "So much for self-control."

Sara nodded, smiling. "He'll do that to you."

Shrugging, Ana said, "Well, it gets worse. Locke flipped out and said something about being a man of faith and wanting forgiveness, that's when he gave me the stones." She looked away. "Jack just turned his back and walked away."

Sara fingered her pack, where the _Return of the King_ was nestled, and she quoted, "Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens." Her hand slipped over and took Ana's. "What else, Ana?"

It was nice, to feel Sara's cool fingers on her hot skin, and she smiled, sadly, as unbidden, unwanted tears welled up in her eyes. "I followed him, and he was talking to John. They were talking about Kate and I stayed hidden, I didn't want Jack to know I was there. John asked him if he loved me and he said...he..." She turned her face away, ashamed at her tears but Sara pulled her into a hug. "He said he didn't."

Ana dissolved into sobs against Sara's soft arms; it was amazing, how good it felt to get that burden off of her, to let someone else hear his words. "It's okay, Ana." She rocked her gently, shaking her head at Jack. He really hadn't changed all that much, he was still an asshle and she felt for Ana because she did love Jack, and that deserved as much sympathy as anyone could get.

Ana's tears had stopped and she composed herself, wiping away the moisture from her cheeks and pulling her damp, sweaty hair from her face. Noticing Sara's kind gaze she said, "How did you do it, Sara? How did you love him?"

"Oh, Sara said, smiling, "The loving was easy. It was the hating that took all of my energy."

Ana choked out a half-sob, half-laugh because it was true; she shouldn't love him but she did, and hating him was just too hard. She smiled at Sara. "You must have had a lot of energy."

Their eyes met and there were no black clouds, no white lights, just two women who loved and loathed the same man.

They sat quietly for a while, then Ana glanced up at Sara, a malicious gleam in her eye. "You wanna mess with his head a little?" Sara looked dubious -and curious- and Ana said, "Come on. He doesn't deserve a little return on the head games? We won't _hurt_ him." She glanced at the ground and muttered under her breath, "Much."

He _did_ deserve it a little, and she could see where Ana was coming from, to be so in love and then have it jerked out from under her, and a little head-messing was pretty tame compared to some women she knew; when one of her friends was dumped by a guy she'd been living with for almost a year she took his prize collection of model cars and smashed them to pieces with a baseball bat in their driveway. Another friend had found out her boyfriend was cheating and she got even by sleeping with both of his brothers and his uncle, and sending him pictures of all three. The fact that Ana wasn't pumping Jack full of bullets was a testament to her control, and Sara supposed that screwing with his mind a little wasn't the worst thing she could do. "Well, what's the use of being an angel if you can't put it to good use, huh?"

Ana could see, suddenly, why Kate was so enamored of Sara; the love and sweetness just poured from her and it was wrapping her up in it too. She reached over and took Sara's hand, holding it silently for a second as Sara's power gave her strength she couldn't generate on her own and she smiled, squeezing Sara's hand as she began to shimmer into a gray mist. Sara followed with a blinding, sparkling flash leaving the glade empty and quiet.


	136. Chapter 136

**Chapter 136**  
He could tell she was excited because she was up before dawn, prodding him awake with her foot while she hefted her pack onto her shoulders; he rolled up and opened one eye in the gray light, trying to focus as she pushed him again with the toe of her boot. "Get up, it's morning."

He flopped back down into the flowers with a groan and closed his eyes. "Do you see the sun anywhere, Freckles? It's not morning." He rolled back over, trying to ignore the insistent tapping on his legs as she nudged him again and again until he reached and grabbed her foot, twisting it lightly and making her hop on one foot to keep her balance. "Now quit it." He let her foot go and rolled back over, satisfied that she'd leave him alone.

_Whump!_ He howled as her toe caught him squarely in the rear, hard, and he leapt to his feet, snarling as he rubbed the tender cheek. "Dammit, Kate! What the hell is wrong with you?"

She smiled sweetly, trying not to laugh at him, and said, "Good, you're up. Let's go."

He resisted the urge to choke her and snatched up his pack angrily instead, ignoring her triumphant look as they left the garden; he slung open the chapel door, looking out into the dark before calling out softly, "Sara?"

"We're here." Her voice floated out of the darkness and she materialized in front of them, shimmering gray and as the sky slowly lightened from black to gray they could see Ana on the edge of the clearing, grinning and looking slightly satisfied. "You ready? This early?"

Kate ignored Sawyer's disgusted look as she said, "I couldn't sleep. Excited, I guess." She glanced at Ana. "You two ready? Good. Now, we can either go back to the beach, which isn't far, and follow it to the camp, which will keep us out of the jungle for a while, or we can go south, which will lead us directly to camp, but we'll be in the jungle the entire time. What do you think, James?"

He was caught off-guard by her question, mainly because he'd only half been paying attention; the sun was cresting through the trees now, and Kate was _glowing_ in the early morning mist, excitement radiating from her and he thought even with two angels beside her she was the more heavenly. "What?" he said, snapping his eyes into focus in time to see her roll her eyes at him, a little disappointed, and he said, without thinking, "The beach." He prayed silently that it was a valid answer because he honestly didn't know the question.

Ana called out across the glade, "I agree. I'm tired of the jungle."

Kate turned to Sara, who smiled and said, "There's a beach here?"

Laughing, Kate said, "I guess it's the beach then. I'm glad, I was getting kinda tired of the jungle too." Her smile faded. "But we have to go around the zoo, remember? The cliffs block the beach."

She looked so dejected, so disappointed that he couldn't stand it; he said, without thinking again, "We could go _over_ the cliffs." Kate nodded, slowly, and he kicked himself for saying it out loud; there was no way they were going to get over those things; Kate maybe, but he sure as hell didn't want her climbing like that again, what if she fell, like last time? "Never mind, Freckles, forget I said it."

She stared to argue, because why shouldn't they go over them? They were easy enough to scale and maybe there was something on top of the cliffs; as she opened her mouth to say something she caught Sawyer's eyes and she closed her mouth, abruptly, because he was _scared_, she could see it, he was terrified and she gave in because she couldn't bear to see that look, she didn't want to be the cause of any worry for him when he already had so much on his shoulders. She hesitated, then smiled at him, touching his arm as she said, "Then we'll go around the zoo and then head to the beach."

She was rewarded with a huge smile of relief and he nodded, motioning around the clearing. "I hope you know which way to go."

She shook her head at him. "Don't you ever pay attention? To anything? _Besides_ that?" He was grinning at her, eyebrows raised, and she pointed to the south, in Ana's general direction. "We'll go that way until we pass the zoo, then real sudden-like turn right."

"You don't have to be a smartass, Freckles." Inwardly he groaned, it was sure gonna be a fun trip with the damn girl's club.

His fears were confirmed as she smirked and did her southern drawl, "Works for you, don't it, Tex?"

"Well I guess that depends on what you mean by 'works', Freckles," he shot back as they headed in Ana's direction and dropped his voice so only Kate could hear. "And stop doin' that."

His throaty voice made her stomach lurch, pleasantly, and she lowered her voice too, as she said, "Doin' what?"

His arm snaked out and wrapped around her, drawing her close; everything else was forgotten because her husky, sexy voice was echoing in his head and he had to kiss her right then or he'd die. He stopped, bending his head to hers and brushing her lips, almost afraid she'd pull away. His nighttime fears were still fresh and he was relieved when she didn't; instead she slid her hands into his hair, returning his embrace with loving tenderness. He rested his head on her shoulder for a second, then nipped her shoulder as he said, "I guess you're right, Freckles. Bein' a smartass _does_ work."

She laughed and replied, "You said it, Tex, ladies love the bad boys."

He kissed her neck and slid his lips up to her ear, whispering, "And I love a bad girl."

Her tone was only half-joking as she said, "Yeah, you do." She pulled his eyes to hers. "I love you, James."

It was the reassurance that he needed, to get going at least, and his heart lightened as they started walking into the jungle. Kate moved into the lead, because she knew the way, and Sawyer said, "How far is it?"

She shrugged; it was hard to say since their journey here had been filled with so many stops and starts but she ventured a guess. "I'd say two days." She glanced back at Ana and Sara, and she said, "Ana, would you say two days? That's how long it took you to come across with the others from your camp, right?"

Ana was a little surprised that Kate would consult her, and she took a second to gather her thoughts before she said, "Yeah, but part of that was carrying Cowboy, and that slowed us down a little. I'd say we camp on the beach tonight, maybe near the cliffs and we get there tomorrow afternoon."

Kate nodded, that sounded right. She got a little thrill of excitement at the thought of going back to camp; it was almost like a home and going home wasn't something she'd been able to do in a long, long time. What was home? Usually it was a highway underpass, or an abandoned car, or a dirty, cheap motel room or wherever she happened to find herself when she was too tired to go anymore, too tired to keep running for another second; it was nice, comforting to know that there was someplace she could go, even if it was just a tarp propped over some pieces of wreckage because it was _home_ and she felt a strange, unfamiliar tug in her heart at the thought of it.

She really couldn't wait to see the others, too, especially Claire and the baby; she wanted to hold him, to coo over him and talk to Claire because she'd never gone through this before and she was suddenly thankful that there was another mom on the Island. She appreciated with sudden clarity how scared, how absolutely terrified Claire must have been, to be crashed on an Island with a bunch of strangers with a baby on the way, then the kidnapping and Ethan...she shivered, pressing herself a little closer to Sawyer as her hand went unconciously to her belly. At least she had him to protect her and the baby, to take care of them, and as if on cue, Sawyer noticed her hand on her stomach and he stopped her, looking worried. "Kate? Are you okay?"

She looked down and noticed her hand and she smiled as she looked up at him through the long tendrils of hair hanging over her eyes. "Yeah," she said softly, suddenly struck by how lucky she was to have found him. "I'm great."

He looked relieved and let her go, taking her hand instead and lifting it to his lips. "Do you need anything?"

His lips on her fingers sent chills rocketing through her body and she smiled as she pulled them gently away, leaning up and kissing him lightly on the cheek. "I've got everything I need, James," she said, low, and he started to reach for her but she suddenly turned a nasty shade of green and bolted for the trees as Sawyer stood, stunned for a second before going after her.

Ana and Sara stopped, watching Kate with sympathy; As Sawyer passed her, Ana couldn't resist, calling after him, "You'd have that effect on me too, Cowboy."

In between heaves Kate heard Ana and laughed, luckily it was hidden in a new bout of sickness and Sawyer didn't notice it as he put his arm around her shoulder, pulling her hair back from her sweaty, pale face as he murmured to her. It passed quickly this time, but she leaned against him, weakly, as he held her and stroked her hair for a few minutes, then handed her some water, kissing her clammy forehead gently as she recovered.

After a minute she took a long, shaky breath and nodded, pulling out of Sawyer's arms and kissing him softly. "Thank you." She leaned against him for a second, letting the warm weight of his arms give her strength, then she smiled and said, "Okay. Let's go."

Her pace wasn't as fast, Sawyer noticed, and he started to catch up to her, to keep an eye on her, but Ana beat him to it, moving up next to Kate and smiling as she said, "It won't last long, you know."

"What's that?" Her voice was sharper than she meant it to be but she wasn't sure what Ana was talking about, and she still didn't trust her, not with the stakes that hung in the balance.

Ana smiled at Kate's suspicious tone; she didn't blame her, really, the maternal instincts were kicking in and she was getting more protective. Ana remembered what it felt tlike. "The morning sickness. It won't last much longer."

Kate relaxed a little, glancing aside at Ana as she asked softly, "What happened, Ana?"

She didn't answer for a few minutes, then she said, "I was shot and I lost the baby. I was four months."

Her heart hit her ribs with a dull thud and she felt like crying because she couldn't imagine, after four months of loving and having little Joshua inside of her, of having that little life in her hands, she couldn't imagine losing him, having him taken away from her in a snap. She grasped Ana's hand, almost on impulse, squeezing it as she imagined how Ana was then, at four months she would be showing, a little pooch in her belly that was hard to notice under her clothes but she'd know, know every single second of the day that it was there. "I'm sorry, Ana. Really." She squeezed her hand again, because she knew Ana must feel its absence. Every single second.

"Yeah." She didn't meet Kate's eyes because she was happy for her,but she couldn't stand to see it, to see the radiance and fulfillment that she would never know and she hated Kate for it, all of her other petty reasons were forgotten and she hated her, in that instant, for being happy, for having what she couldn't, and she pulled her hand from Kate's, smiling grimly. "Well, what's done is done."

Kate didn't know what to say, how to respond, so she said, "Well, maybe you can try again."

It was the wrong thing, she knew instantly and she started to apologize, take it back, but Ana stopped her with a grim smile. "I can't."

The friendly vibe between them had vanished, replaced with uncomfortable tension and Kate tried to alleviate it. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay." Her tone said otherwise and she shrugged, feeling like an opportunity had been lost, an opportunity to bond with Kate, to be friends, and she wanted to, suddenly, even though she didn't know where her loyalties would lie in the future. She wanted them to lie here for the moment, and only part of it was to get back at Jack, because how better than to _help_ Kate and Sawyer get what they wanted while at the same time keeping it away from him? "Yeah, well, I just wanted to tell you that, about the morning sickness." She looked aside at Kate, smiling tenatively. "It must be tough, you know, being out here and knowing...but great too."

Kate returned the smile, gladly; she'd felt the same sense of a missed chance at a friendship and she said, "Yeah, it is a little scary. I don't know anything about babies. But I have him," she nodded back at Sawyer, who was obviously trying to listen without being noticed and failing miserably. Something clicked in her head and she glanced back at him again, a sly smile playing around her lips.

Ana nodded and said, "That makes it easier, to have someone to lean on."

Raising her voice so that she was sure he could hear, she said, "No, I mean I have him to _practice_ on."

His eyes were rolling, she knew it, she could feel it on the back of her head and she grinned at Ana, who had turned to look at Sawyer and was laughing. Kate _had_ to look and she was rewarded with a hurt, sulky Sawyer, acting just like the baby she said he was. She stopped, feeling a little bad for messing with him and he said, "Don't worry about me now, Freckles. You don't need another kid draggin' you down."

"Oh, James, I was just kidding," she hugged him tight around the waist and he smiled, kissing her lightly on the head. "You know I can't live without you."

He brushed her hair away from her face and hugged her back. "I know, Freckles," he said, not seeing her roll her eyes at Ana is if to say See? A baby, and Ana just chuckled as she kept walking past them into the brightening jungle.

-----

"Locke."

He found him in a clearing, sitting crosslegged in the center with his face and hands turned up to the sun, like he was soaking up its energy, like a human solar panel. "Hi, Jack." He looked out of the corner of his eye. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"Where are the stones?" He stepped out of the shadows mad by the early morning sun and John had to hide his shock at his appearance; he was haggard and pale and his eyes were shining with an unhealthy, insane gleam.

Locke scratched his head and stood, warily watching him as he did. "I gave them to Ana."

Jack smiled, a little crazily and advanced on John; he was dizzy with hatred and he hadn't slept or eaten in a while, his thinking was skewed and he knew it, and yet desire to get his hands on the stones, and Locke outweighed everything else. Except for Ana. He really wanted to go after her, to fix things, to explain, but he was afraid to, afraid she wouldn't listen, that she would shut him out, and so he chose Locke. "No, John, the other stones."

"I don't have any others. I found those in the Shark hatch." Why did he want them? "What are they for?"

Jack smiled nastily. "There was a time when I would have told you that, John." shrugging, he said, "If you had the other stones I'd let you in on it. But..."

Locke shook his head, smiling. "Nice try Jack. I don't have them. So good luck with that." A smirk played across his lips as he said, "So, where's Ana? Didn't she ever show up?"

He fell like a brick as Jack slammed into him, hard, his hands going around his throat as he snarled, "You knew she was there. You knew I was trying to play you, John, and you knew what I'd say, you son of a bitch. I ought to kill you right now."

John was grinning beneath him, grunting for air. His biggest problem with Jack was his reluctance to be led, his bull-headedness that made compromise and working with him impossible, and it was only made worse when Ana was thrown into the mix because she did have _some_ influence over Jack. In the clearing, when he'd asked him that question, he'd known she was listening and he'd also known what Jack was doing, what he was planning; he'd seen Jack's thoughts, that he was going to try and get in good with Locke by pretending that Ana was just a fling, she was nothing to him. It's purpose was two-fold, to get Locke to believe him, to trust him, and also to keep Ana safe, should things between he and Locke take a turn.

Of course, the fact that Jack knew what Locke was thinking, about Ana, meant that he'd been peeking at Locke's thoughts as well, and Locke laughed as Jack's elbow pushed into his larynx. "Then...why...don't you?"

Panting, he gave John's throat one last hard shove before he stood up, backing away. "Because I'm not a murderer, John. I never was." He stepped up to Locke, still lying on the ground and massaging his throat. "I never will be." He stalked out of the glade without looking back.


	137. Chapter 137

**Chapter 137**  
Where would she go? The question thrummed through his head like a mantra; she had obviously teamed up with Sara, which meant that she was with Kate. And Kate knew where the other stones were.

The caves.

Dammit! How had he let John screw him like that? Of course he could see into Jack's head just as much as Jack could see into his; he knew what Locke was planning, so why wouldn't Locke be onto him? And he let him, _let him_ trick him into saying something stupid, something that was going to ruin him. It was his own fault, of course, and that knowledge hurt him more than anything, because, when he thought about it, why would John ask him such a question, unless he knew Ana was there to hear the answer? But why hadn't he felt her there? How had John known she was there? He was stronger. It was the only answer. Somehow he was stronger. He could have taken another injection while he and Ana were out in the jungle.

Exhaustion was taking its toll but he kept pushing; hunger and fatigue made his mind whirl and his thoughts were becoming less and less coherent even to himself and he knew if he didn't stop he was going to drop but he _couldn't_. His hunger for Ana was stronger, he had to find her, to explain and make things right. She was all that mattered, she was all that had ever mattered, really, and the thought that he had really lost her made his heart thud to a sickening halt. His body took the cue and shut down, and his eyes rolled up into his head as he fell to a heap in the deep green shadows.

-----

They'd fallen back into their usual positions, Kate and Sawyer in the lead and Sara and Ana trailing them, slightly; it was noon, almost, and the sun was directly overhead, beating down through the canopy, making them all sweat buckets and Ana said, suddenly, "When we get to the zoo, I think there are some sodas left in the fridge." She'd been thinking about the beer she had found, which led her to thinking about sharing them with Jack, which inevitably led to the shower, that delicious, _hot_ shower with him and it hurt too much to contemplate so she blurted out something about sodas, to try and get her mind somewhere else.

A cold, bubbly, sweet soda was about the best thing Kate could imagine; her mouth still felt nasty and she reminded herself to try and snag some toothbrushes and toothpaste when they were back at the beach; Sun's sticks were okay but not for her particular problem. She glanced over at Sawyer and said, "Feel like a little pit stop?"

He did, actually, it was hot as hell and while a beer was what he wanted, a soda sounded really damn good. "Sure, Freckles," he said, winking, then added in his most condescending tone, "You should probably rest anyway. We don't want you overdoing it, you know." He was still a little miffed from earlier, about Kate calling him a baby. He knew she was just kidding but to him it wasn't a joke; he already felt inadequate enough for the situation, he didn't need her help there.

That wasn't the only thing that was bothering him, though, and he cringed as he admitted it to himself because it basically proved her right, but he hated that she, well that she didn't save all of her attention for him. It was stupid, he knew it, and he told himself it was stupid, but he just couldn't help it; he wanted her all to himself and though he knew it wasn't possible he just didn't care. Maybe at the zoo he could get her alone, away from the giggling slumber party.

Now that she had said it, Ana wasn't so keen on stopping at the Zoo, there were just too many memories, too many reminders of her and Jack but it was out now, and she sighed a little as the vine covered, wrought iron fence loomed up in front of them , almost out of nowhere. They were at the rear of the compound and they circled the fence line, going deeper into the jungle and they finally came around to the front, where the iron gate was still opened from their previous visit.

It didn't seem so spooky now, since they had befriended the animals, but Kate noticed that their jungle guard had deserted them when they came close; she supposed she understood, what had happened to them here was like torture, to be caged and confined, poked and injected, _altered_, and it would be like her going back to Iowa, back to the nightmare and she suddenly grasped why it was so curiously devoid of life.

They took the path to the left, and then when it forked they took the left again, and there was the research center, still crumbling and overgrown and Sawyer slipped the security badge from his pocket, running it through the lock. It clicked green and he leaned over and read the name on the display, and he smiled at Kate as he said, "Good old Charles Wallace." The door opened with a swish and they filed in, noticing that the lights in the left half of the building still seemed to be working.

Everything was just as they had left it, not that they had expected any different, and Ana went down the hall to the kitchen, bringing back a six-pack of soda. She handed one to Kate, who held the cold can to her forehead, rolling it around and savoring the cool chill on her skin, and Sawyer gazed at her until she caught him looking. "What?"

He smirked, though his eyes never lost their enchanted look. "Well, I ain't an expert, but I think the idea is to _drink_ it, Freckles."

She stopped, bringing the can down to her neck, rolling it slowly down to the cleft between her breasts, laughing as Sawyer's eyes followed her every move. "Well, Tex, as soon as she gives you one I'll tell you what _you_ can do with it."

Grinning, Ana handed him a can, quickly. "Hurry, Kate, tell him!"

All three of the girls laughed and he shook his head, glaring. "Oh yeah?" He shook the can, hard, then pointed it at them before they knew what was happening and pulled the tab, spraying all four of them in cold, sticky soda. The girls screeched and tried to cover themselves but it was too late; they were all drenched and he noted with satisfaction that none of them were laughing. "Was that what you had in mind?"

Kate smirked, trying in vain to wipe the sticky mess off of her, and said, "What did _you_ have in mind? Isn't this just a pathetic attempt to get us all in the shower?"

Even Sawyer had to laugh at that, and suddenly everything was fine again, the nasty edge was gone and he said, "I was hopin' for you, Sweetheart, but if you two want to tag along..."

Ana groaned and Sara turned away, blushing a little, though she knew he didn't mean it. She hoped, anyway. Kate came to her rescue. "I don't think so, _Sawyer_. Sara, honey, you go ahead." They all had to take showers, of course, because the bugs would eat them alive if they tried to go outside covered in sticky, sugary soda, and they'd have to rinse their clothes, too, though they wouldn't have time to dry.

Sighing as Sara disappeared into the bunkroom, Kate popped the tab on her soda and took a long, sweet drink. It was ambrosia, heaven; sweet and tingly and it burned her throat pleasantly as she took a deep swallow. Ana popped one, too, and she eyed Sawyer evilly as she took a long drink, smacking her lips as she drained the can. "Damn, Butch, you drink beer like that too?" There was a tinge of admiration in his voice.

She grinned, handing Kate another can. "If the need arises."

Kate stared at the can in her hand for a second, overcome with emotion at the gesture; suddenly she loved Ana and it made her so happy and sad at the same time that she burst into tears and hugged Ana around the neck, hard, throwing her off-balance and she laughed a little, patting Kate's back and saying, "It's okay, Kate." She glanced at Sawyer, who had a look on his face like he was afraid Kate had snapped and Ana said, "It's okay. It's natural, Kate. Part of the process. You think this is bad? Wait a few months, you'll think you need to be committed."

Kate laughed against Ana's shoulder and pulled back, wiping her eyes and looking a little embarrassed at her tears. "Sorry, I don't know what came over me."

Ana shook her head. "Don't be sorry. At least that was a good swing." She smirked at Sawyer. "You'll be in trouble when it's a bad one." There was a silence for a few minutes as they all stood, lost in their own thoughts, then Ana said, "Let's go into the library, sit down for a while." Taking Kate's hand on impulse, she whispered, so only Kate could hear, "He's right, Kate. Don't push yourself. If not for your sake then for _his_."

Her emotions were still running high and she choked back more tears as she squeezed Ana's hand, nodding. "Yeah, I could use some rest." She withdrew her hand from Ana's, smiling her thanks and gratitude, then went to Sawyer, and as she leaned against him she realized that she _was_ tired; the stress of the day before, not sleeping, the excitement of going back to camp, the horrible morning sickness, the rush of yo-yoing emotions, they all hit her at once and she suddenly sagged a little, relieved when his sticky arms went around her, holding her up. She turned to Ana. "Mind if we shower next?"

They were so sweet together, so right and perfect that Ana couldn't take it; she turned her head against her own tears and nodded, and to her relief Sawyer led Kate away to the bunk room, giving her time to compose herself. She went to the library, alone, glad for the solitude, and she sat with her head in her hands and tried to get her head together; there was a huge problem with falling in love with someone on a deserted island and it was becoming particularly clear to her that no matter where she went on this island she was going to be reminded of Jack, unless she went back to her old camp. Even that wouldn't work because they had spent some time together there, though they hadn't actually been an...an item, then.

She couldn't run from him. Misery crashed over her and she put her head in her hands, trying to figure out what in the world she was going to do.

That was how Sara found her, a few minutes later; she had wrung her clothes out as best she could and she was still damp, but in the cool shade of the buildings it was pleasant, almost, and she sat next to Ana, putting a cool hand on her shoulder. "Ana?"

She raised her head, keeping it averted so Sara wouldn't see how puffy and red they were. "I'm okay."

Sara put her hand under her chin, pulling her face around. "Ana, it's okay. You love him, don't be ashamed of your feelings. It's what makes you human, and you _are_ still human, you know. Most of you." She slid her arm around Ana's shoulder, ignoring the sticky soda in her hair as she whispered, "Part-time angels, Ana-Lucia, but full-time people."

She stood up, wiping her sticky arm on her still-wet shirt and grinned at Ana. "I'm excited about getting to the beach so I can get some different clothes."

Laughing, Ana nodded. "Me too. It worries me that one day we're all going to be wearing fig leaves and grass skirts."

Sara laughed too, imagining them all in hula gear. "Let's hope it doesn't come to that." She started to leave then hesitated. "If he came here, right now, and wanted you to go with him, back to whatever it was you were doing, would you go?"

Ana didn't know how to answer, how she felt; could she believe Jack? Her trust in him, in his intentions had been tenuous at best before and now it was gone, so whatever excuse, whatever story he came up with couldn't really convince her. But did she care? She loved him, and she still wanted him, but she felt _good_ for the first time in a while, even though she was miserable; she felt _lighter_, like her aura was brightening and the blackness was lifting. She felt _good_, and she wasn't sure she wanted to give that up, even for Jack. "I don't know."

Grinning lightly, Sara replied, "A promising answer, Ana-Lucia."

They were quiet for a second, then Sara nodded towards the bunk room. "Is Kate okay? She looked a little pale when I passed them."

It was a mark of how Ana had risen in her estimation that she was asked about Kate and she smiled as she said, "She's just tired. Think's she's superwoman." A sly little smile played across her lips as she remembered the crushing fatigue that accompanied her pregnancy. "That'll change quick enough. Good thing she's already energetic."

Laughing, Sara nodded, then she met Ana's eyes, holding them as she said, "I'm glad you're here, Ana." She looked away, and added, "I don't feel like such a third wheel, you know?"

It was much more than that, of course, but Ana just smiled. "I can imagine, with those two." She chuckled and motioned towards the bunk room. "Rabbits, I swear."

Sara snorted as she backed from the room. "Tell me about it. I'm gonna go get some fruit, I think I saw some trees a little way around the fence." She glanced at the bunk room as the shower came on and shook her head. "They'll be occupied for a while, you know. You wanna come with me?"

"Yeah." Action, movement was what she needed to keep her mind occupied, away from _him_. The bugs wouldn't bother her, not even covered in sticky grape soda, so she stood, joining Sara as they disappeared into the hallway.

-----

It was beginning to dawn on her that she wasn't going to be able to do the things she had before, at least not with the same drive and intensity; she was just too tired. She could never remember this kind of fatigue, bone weary, draining tiredness that she didn't think even sleep would help. Well, it would some. A lot of her problem was stress; too much was happening too fast, she couldn't keep up and that was really pissing her off.

Sawyer was holding her up, leading her into the shower; she didn't resist as she undressed her, though she didn't want sex; and he must have known it because he stayed clothed while he turned the shower on, the water heating up immediately, and he led her beneath the spray, soaping up his hands and washing the sticky grape mess from her, carefully, slowly, though somehow there was nothing sexual in it at all. He was almost businesslike, just chatting with her about inconsequential things and she realized he was just trying to keep her awake long enough to get her into one of the beds and she snapped out of it, a little, getting a little more alert.

It didn't last long, though, because while his washing of her wasn't arousing, it was hypnotic and she felt herself drifting off, her mind wandering in semi-sleep, thinking about Ana, coming to her with the morning sickness stuff, and how sad Ana was when Kate suggested she try again; it was painful, because she knew she'd put her foot in her mouth, and she'd been afraid she'd broken that fragile bond they'd managed to forge.

"James?"

"That's my name, Sweetheart."

She rolled her eyes, suddenly a little more awake. "I want carte blanche."

"We already played that game, Sweetheart." He peered at her, closely, a little concerned. "You okay?" Was she delirious or something?

"No, that was for your stash. I want carte blanche over you." She was leading up to something and his curiousity got the better of him; what was she cooking up?

He couldn't find any shampoo so he soaped up his hands again and began to wash the soda from her hair. "And what would tempt me to sell my soul to the devil?"

"I'll let you pick the baby's middle name."

He stopped, craning around to face her. "Anything I want?"

She eyed him, warily, and swallowed. "Anything."

He went back to washing her hair, pretending to consider the offer. He was gonna take it, of course, he would have given her what she wanted for nothing, but as long as she was offering he was gonna take it. He finally sighed, like it was killing him to part with whatever it was she was going to ask of him, and said, "Okay, You got a deal."

She looked up at him as she pulled her back to rinse the soap out. "Anything I ask you to do, you do it? No matter what?"

"Yes."

"No matter when or where?"

"No matter."

"No arguments?"

"Jesus, Kate, what is it?"

She just smiled to herself, satisfied, and she said, "Deal. But not now. I'll let you know when."

He finished rinsing her hair and shut off the water. She reached for her clothes, to wring them out, but he pulled her away, grabbing a towel and drying her off, even towelling and wrapping her hair for her before leading her cautiously out into the bunkroom. They were alone. He pulled back the sheets on one of the bunks and motioned for her to get in. "Take a nap, Kate. Just an hour. For me."

She didn't argue, for once, and he smiled as she closed her eyes immediately, murmuring, "What name, James?"

She was already asleep but he answered her anyway, whispering, "Philip. After my father."

Here eyes cracked and she smiled. "Not as bad as I expected." She was out before the last words left her lips and he pulled the covers over her, tightly, tucking them in as he kissed her lightly, then went in to take his own shower and wring out their clothes.


	138. Chapter 138

**Chapter 138**  
It was actually more like three hours, but she was sleeping so deeply and peacefully he couldn't bring himself to wake her. She needed the rest anyway, so after he took a shower and wrung out their clothes he settled down on the bunk opposite her when he noticed a book lying on one of the dressers.

He really was an avid reader; the life of a con man wasn't as exciting as most people thought. he spent most of his time in hotel rooms, since he didn't have a real home, and most television was a waste of time, though he liked the history shows a lot. But reading was his favorite pasttime, and since he didn't have a real job, either, he had plenty of leisure time to read in. The book on the dresser was _Return of the King_, and he smiled, he'd seen Sara with it not long ago, and she must have left it for him. He'd read it before, the trilogy was one of his favorites, and he setlled back on the bunk opposite her, his feet cocked off the side of the bed and his free hand resting lightly on her leg.

The parallels between the book and the island weren't lost on him, and he began to read, losing himself in the story until he looked up with a start, how long had he been reading? The sheet was lifted from Kate's leg and his hand was unconciously rubbing her ankle, and she shifted a little, mumbling and he sighed, folding over the page and closing the book. He shook her leg gently. "Kate."

She didn't respond and he shook her a little harder. "Kate!" She kicked out at his hand and he shrugged, sitting back down and opening the book. She obviously needed more sleep, partly because he didn't want to deal with her cranky butt on the walk to the cliffs. The book absorbed him, quickly, and he kept reading until he felt her shift and stretch beside him. "Morning."

She cracked her eyes. "How long did you let me sleep?"

He grinned sheepishly. "A few hours. I started reading, and you were sleeping so well, I didn't...I didn't want to wake you up."

She crawled out from under the covers and into his lap, nestling against him and pulling the blanket over them. "What are you reading?"

She was obviously still tired and as long as she was willing to take it easy he was going to let her, so he said, "_The Return of the King_."

"Is it good?" Her hand was playing with the buttons on his shirt, but he could sense that it wasn't sexual again, and he kissed the top of her head, ignoring the shivers her hand was producing.

"Yeah. You've never read _Lord of the Rings_?"

"No. I'm not a big reader. More of an action girl, you know what I mean?" He was thankful that she wasn't at the moment because he couldn't think of anything he'd rather be doing; not trekking through the jungle, not going into tunnels, not lazing by the beach, this was perfect and he handed her the book.

"It's about...well, it's really complex, so I'll be as simple as possible, otherwise I'd be talking for hours." She didn't seem like she'd mind that but he knew better; in a while she'd be chomping at the bit to go and then they wouldn't be alone anymore, so he was going to make the most of it while they were. "There is a dark overlord, of Middle Earth, and he was defeated by the forces of good, of men and elves a long time before. He is gaining power, though, and he just needs one thing to become all powerful; a ring, one that he forged himself and it controls all, and he can't come back to power without it." She was flipping through the pages, idly, still listening to him, and he continued. "But the forces of good aren't gone, just dormant, and they realize what is happening and spring into action, because one of them, a hobbit, Frodo, he has the ring, which he had inherited from his uncle. His uncle had gotten it from Gollum, this nasty bugger that the ring had corrupted and turned bad. He tricked him out of it, with a riddle game. But the ring is powerful, see, and it possesses whoever has it, makes them want power, but no matter what they mean to use it for it will always be evil."

He paused and she looked up at him, still flipping the pages of the book. "Don't stop."

He smiled and kissed her, softly. "The leaders of the good guys get together, with Frodo and they decide that a band of nine will take the ring and throw it into the Crack of Doom, which is the only place hot enough to destroy it. But the only one who can carry the ring is Frodo, because he will not be so easily corrupted. His three best hobbit friends, a wizard, an elf, a dwarf, a ranger and a prince are set to go with him, and they head into the heart of evil, to destroy the source of the evil lord's power." Her hand had slipped inside of his shirt and she was caressing his chest, idly, still leaning against him. "The ranger, though, he's really a king, the King of Gondor but he's been hiding from it, running from his destiny until the time was right. The group gets separated, a bunch of stuff happens," he stopped, smiling as she glanced up at him questioningly. "It's three books, Kate. We'd be here all day. Frodo and his best friend Sam meet up with Gollum, who wants the ring back, and he promises to lead them into the dark lands so they can destroy it, but it's really so he can get it back. Frodo believes him, though, because the ring is excercising power over him, and he understands the divide in Gollum's heart, how he is possessed by it."

Her hand was still tracing lazy circles on his chest but her eyes were on his, captivated by his voice and the fact that he actually knew all of this; she knew he wasn't stupid, she just hadn't really seen him as the bookish type in the real world. Her eyes were wide as she said, "Keep going."

"The other members of the group went to bring together the people of Middle Earth, to get ready to battle the Dark Lord's army. And it was a whopper, all genetically engineered orcs, these massive, hairy ugly bastrds that only want to kill. Eventually they all end up at the city of Gondor, which has been ruled by a steward since the king died, and the ranger, Aragorn, hasn't claimed the throne yet. But he isn't there, he, the elf, and the dwarf have taken a different path. They are going to get an army of the dead." She shivered a little and his arm tightened around her convulsively. "There is a huge battle and they are losing but then Aragorn comes with the ghost army and it's over in a snap, but the biggest battle is ahead because they still have to go against the Dark Lord in his own lands, so Frodo can get the ring past them and into the Crack of Doom. The Dark Lord falls for it, bringing his armies to the gates so he can destroy his enemy, once and for all, and Frodo gets to the Crack but he can't do it, in the end, he can't destroy it, the ring has too much power over him, and he claims it for his own."

Her eyes were wider, staring at him and he couldn't help himslf; he kissed her and she returned it for a second, but them she pushed him off, smiling. "Finish the story."

"Okay." He wanted to kiss her again but she shook her head and he sighed. "The Dark Lord realizes his mistake, too late, and he turns his armies back to the Crack but Gollum is already there, and he attacks Frodo, trying to get the ring. He bites off Frodo's finger and while he's dancing around in triumph he falls into the Crack, incinerating himself and destroying the ring."

Kate laughed softly. "At least he died happy."

"Sure, if satisfying your obsession and dying for it is happiness." He smiled down at her. "But the Dark Lord is destroyed. The ranger steps forward and claims his throne, walking in his father's footsteps, fulfilling his destiny and returning the land to peace and harmony. Frodo and the other hobbits go home, but for Frodo it's not really home anymore, because he's changed, he's been altered and he doesn't fit anymore. So when he is offered the chance to go...to go to heaven , he takes it."

She glanced at him, sharply. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It doesn't mean anything, Freckles. It's just a story."

She relaxed and said, "What's a hobbit, anyway?"

He shook his head. "Kate, are you totally deviod of any kind of culture? A hobbit is like, well, I tell you, Charlie reminds me of one. He just needs really big, hairy feet."

The mention of Charlie broke the spell, and she stretched, climbing over him to get out of the bed; he was tempted to throw her back down but he let her go, sighing a little at his own idiocy. She drew on her damp clothes, shivering a little at the cold denim, and she rolled her eyes as Sawyer stared at her goosebumpy body, drawing her bra and shirt on quickly. "You ready to go?"

Her abruptness hurt him, and she was immediately sorry; she went to him, kissing him softly. "I'm sorry, I'm just excited and kinda worried about everyone."

"I know you are," he whispered into her hair, "I just don't want to be...second. To any of them."

She laughed, reassuringly. "Oh, James, you'll never be second. You should know that."

He grinned, somewhat relived by getting that particular worry off of his chest. "I do. It's just nice to hear it."

-----

Sara found the trees she'd seen and she started to climb up the trunk but Ana stopped her. "Let me."

She backed away, letting Ana start to shimmy up the trunk, she said, "Do you read much, Ana?"

Ana laughed and inched further up the trunk. "I'm a cop. The only reading I do is rights."

Sara nodded her head, shielding her eyes from the sun as she craned her head up, watching Ana. "Right, right. So I guess you've never read _Medea_. Or _Metamorphoses_."

"If I did I don't remember. It would've been in high school." She glanced down, halting her climb. "Why?"

Sara just smiled. "No particular reason. I am just reminded of you and Jack."

Ana kept climbing. "How is that?"

"Medea was in love with Jason, you know, Jason and the Argonauts? Jason and the golden fleece? Her father had the Fleece, and he set Jason tasks, kind of like the Twelve Labors of Hercules. Medea helped him get through the tasks, by giving him warnings and helping him drug his enemy-" Ana glanced down at her sharply, surely she couldn't know about Jack drugging Sawyer? "...her help he completed the tasks but her father would not give up the Fleece, so Jason stole it and Medea, who was in love with him, helped him yet again by killing her brother as a diversion."

Ana had reached the fruit and she plucked one from the branches, dropping it down to Sara, who caught it and slipped it into the bag. "I don't see the connection." It wasn't very convincing.

"They had a bunch of adventures, and she was loyal to the point of committing murder at his request, but after all of that, after everything they went through together he left her to marry a princess. He left her to marry for power."

"Oh."

Catching another mango, Sara said, "And I quote, 'Medea, the daughter of the king, conceived an overwhelming passion for Jason. She fought against it for a time, but when reason could not overcome desire, she debated with herself. Medea, you struggle in vain: some god, I do not know which, opposes you. I wonder if this, or something, like this, is what people indeed call love? Or why would the tasks my father demands of Jason seem so hard? They are more than hard! Why am I afraid of his death, when I have scarcely seen him? What is the cause of all this fear? Quench, if you can, unhappy girl, these flames that you feel in your virgin heart! If I could, I would be wiser! But a strange power draws me to him against my will. Love urges one thing: reason another. I see, and I desire the better: I follow the worse.' "

Ana stopped, about to drop another piece of fruit, staring down at Sara."Wow. I need to read more." It was sad, her voice, and Sara hated to continue. She tried to act nonchalant but Sara didn't buy it as she said, "So what happened to him? What did she do?" Surely someone as ruthless as Medea seemed to be would cut his balls off and wear them for earrings.

"She...killed their children in revenge."

Ana dropped the mango she was holding in surprise, hesitating before reaching up to pick another. "Well, no danger of that." It was bitter and Sara regretted saying anything, but she had a point to make.

"What I'm saying is, she did terrible things for the man she loved, things she knew were wrong. When he betrayed her she did even worse, destroying the people who loved her the most in retaliation." Her voice softened and lowered. "To get back at him."

Ana smiled grimly and dropped another mango. "Well, I don't have any children to kill."

"The kids are just an example."

"I know."

They were quiet for a minute and Ana picked one last piece of fruit before starting to slide down the trunk. As her feet touched the ground she brushed her clothes off, smiling at Sara through the tense air. Handing the last mango to Sara, she grabbed her hand and said, "I never _wanted_ to hurt them, Sara."

Smiling sadly, Sara put her other hand over Ana's, squeezing slightly. "I know, Ana, but you would have." Tense silence held them rooted to the spot until she said, "But that's in the past. No harm, no foul? Well, a little foul." She grinned a little, then dropped her voice to a whisper. "It's what you do _now_ that matters. Kate...she's...she'll love you, Ana, if you let her."

Ana looked at Sara sideways. "And why would I care about that?"

Sara glanced back, smiling serenely. "You do."

She was right, she did care. She had wondered why she had been so set against Jack hurting Kate and while some of it was the baby, some of it was Kate herself. After spending time with her she had pinpointed the feeling; she needed Kate, for something. Kate was the key to her redemption, to her salvation, though she didn't understand how she knew. She just did, and she realized with a little rush that she could love Kate, too.

"Yeah." She smiled and pulled her knife. "Hand me a mango, will ya? I'm starving."


	139. Chapter 139

**Chapter 139**  
They made it to the cliffs by nightfall, and they set up a quick camp; Kate kept stealing glances at the cliff face and the drains and Sawyer kept a close eye on her, in case she decided to start scaling the walls.

The walk had gone quickly, and for once they didn't fall into their usual positions; bolstered by Kate's reassurance, Sawyer fell into step with Sara, handing her the book she had loaned him. She told him to keep it and that led to an in-depth conversation about the trilogy, one that left Kate and Ana out, since neither of them knew anything about literature. Instead, they came together by default, and after a few tense minutes they began talking about babies and pregnancy and that kept them occupied until they came out onto the beach next to the stone marker.

They all kind of looked amazed and sheepish at the camraderie that had sprung up between them so easily, and Sawyer suddenly didn't dread the beach quite so much; he was finding it easier to talk to other people, even if they _were_ people he'd been around a lot, at least it was a start.

The beach was nice, and even after her long nap Kate felt herself drifting in and out as she sat curled up on Sawyer's lap; the pounding waves and whispering winds were hypnotic and she couldn't help but remember the night they spent out here, alone, when they made love in the ocean; the memory made her squirm a little, uncomfortably, and she sighed, realizing that their alone time was about to seriously be curtailed and she kind of understood Sawyer's fear, about being second; with so many people around it would be easy to drift apart, at least on the surface, and she vowed to herself to try her best to keep that from happening.

Sara and Ana sat across the fire from them, and they shared out the last of the fruit they'd picked earlier, no one really talking. It was so serene, the sky so beautifully clear, and it was _open_, so open after the close, claustrophobic jungle that talking seemed unnecessary, unnatural. Sara, in particular, couldn't get enough of the open air; her entire time on the island had revolved around the jungle, and the beach was a welcome change.

Kate's eyes kept sliding up to the drains, curiosity eating at her; who was Charles Wallace? How had he ended up in the drains? She was almost tempted to climb up there again but she didn't act on the impulse, partly because she just couldn't muster the energy for the climb, and also because Sawyer would never let her go up there. Especially in the dark. His protectiveness was sweet and also somewhat annoying.

Ana was staring into the fire, a little sadly. "Remember that night? Eko told us about the numbers?"

Kate hadn't forgotten about Eko, but so much had been going on he'd been pushed to the corner of her mind, but now he came bursting forth, and she hugged Sawyer tight, remembering the helplessness and anger as they watched him bleed to death in front of them. She looked over at Ana. "You were there. When Locke killed him?"

Ana nodded, her eyes faraway as she gazed into the flames; they reflected in her eyes like torches. "I was tied up. John tricked me." Something clicked in her head, at the idea that Locke had played her for a fool. "I miss him, Eko."

Nodding, Kate snuggled closer into Sawyer's chest. "I do too." Sawyer didn't ay anything but she felt his chest tighten and his lips brushed the top of her head. He missed Eko, probably more than any of them.

They were all quiet for a while, then Kate's eyes went up to the drains again. "Charles Wallace," she said, idly, "I wonder who he was?"

"He was a son of a bitch, is who he was," a voice behind them made them all jump to their feet, and the man standing outside of their circle said, "But that don't matter, 'cause that ain't him." He pointed to the drains and smiled at Kate. "That's me."

Kate dragged her terrified eyes away from the man, who was shimmering a little in the moonlight, and turned them to Sawyer, looking for reassurance because he wasn't _breathing_ and she was sure his heart had stopped; what she saw froze her blood, his eyes were wide with something beyond terror, it was fear at its most fundamental level, as if his mind were about to snap, and she said, "James! James!"snapping her fingers in front of his frozen, terrified eyes.

He didn't move, or blink, he simply croaked out, "Daddy?"

-----

Jack woke in the darkness, his head aching like the worst kind of hangover. He tried to swallow but his throat was so dry he couldn't and he just lay still, trying to remember where he was.

It came to him, slowly, as the stars spun sickeningly above him, and he sat up, quickly, holding his head in his hands as he fumbled for his water bottle. He found it and took a long drink, draining the bottle before he recapped it, and sat for a few seconds, taking deep breaths and letting the water do its magic.

The caves, that's where he was headed. He closed his eyes and tried to picture the Island map in his head, to figure his approximate location; now that he'd had a little rest, a lot of rest, really, since it was dark, his mind was a little clearer and he took the time to figure that if he beat them to the caves and got the stones then he could beat them to the hatch and make them let him in on it. And Ana would be there, he could get her alone and talk to her, somehow, make her see the misunderstanding. That was the best plan, if he tried to catch them at the caves they'd find some way to get rid of him, and if he tried to intersect them he might miss them somewhere in the jungle.

His mind made up, he tucked his empty bottle into his pocket and started running for the caves.

-----

Dead silence fell over the beach; even the waves stopped, it seemed as Kate forced herself out of her shock and turned to Sawyer, holding him as the man smiled and said, "Yeah, Jimmy, it's me."

She didn't know what kind of reaction to expect from him; rage and insanity seemed the most likely and she was thouroughly surprised and shocked when he burst into tears. She was at a loss so she just hugged him, staring at the shimmering dead father of the man she loved. Nothing weird about that. She suddenly wondered if maybe _she_ had snapped and this was her imagination or something. He stepped forward, hesitantly, smiling at Sawyer as he retreated, dragging Kate with him. "Don't."

He stopped, hands out. "Okay. I understand. It's a shock. But it's me, Jimmy."

Sawyer's breath was harsh and ragged and he was shaky; Kate could feel his trembling down to her toes. "Don't call me that. My name is Sawyer." He was reacting out of terror and irrationality, Kate knew, but it struck her cold to hear him say that.

That seemed to give his father pause and he said, softly, "Is it, now? And why _that_ particular name, son?"

Kate was staring at him, now, amazed at the similarities between them; he was like Sawyer but with blurry edges, a nose out of place, slightly wider eyes, a different shade of hair. But the same dimples and the same blue eyes, and as he smiled Kate shivered a little, because it was even the same saucy, cocky grin. Her grip on him tightened and she risked a glance at Sara and Ana, who were just gazing, openmouthed at the scene.

"I think you know. And don't call me son. I ain't nobody's _son_. My daddy's dead. Shot himself. But I suppose you know all about that, don'cha?" He was shaking with rage, but it was rage born of terror and Kate could feel the fear and loathing rushing through him and she was actually surprised that he wasn't throwing sparks yet.

"Yes. I did do that, and I'm sorry, _Sawyer_." He shook his head sadly, yet admiringly at his son. "You always were a fan of irony. Even at eight you were a sarcastic little bstard." He looked a little proud as she turned his gaze to Kate. "Takes after his daddy. Philip J. Ford. Since my boy seems to have forgotten his manners."

She glanced up at Sawyer and he shrugged, so she said, "Kate. Austen."

He grinned and bowed in an exaggerated manner. "My pleasure, Kate. And what about the little man?"

She glanced up at Sawyer again, but his eyes were on Philip, suspiciously, and he said, "What are you talking about?"

Philip laughed. "Why, the little man, Ji- Sawyer. Your son, my grandson? Have you picked a name?"

"How did you know about that?" He had unconciously pushed Kate behind him, and he noticed that Sara and Ana had edged closer. The fact that two angels didn't trust the guy gave him a little more conviction.

"I know things. And I see from your bodyguard that you don't trust me. Well, that's understandable. And the right thing, too, since you got a kid to look after." He was still standing still, not bothered at all by the gathering guard, and he nodded at Sara and Ana. "Hello."

Sara nodded in return but Ana cocked her gun. "Who are you?"

"You can shoot me but I'm afraid it wouldn't do much good, see, I'm already dead." He angled his head toward the drains.

"You're lying. You can't be Philip, if you're dead up there. My daddy died on top of the bed I was hidin' under." Ana pointed the gun at him as Kate drew hers and cocked it.

Philip held up his hands, placatingly. "Wait, wait. That's what I'm here for, you know, to tell Jim-, sorry, Sawyer- you know, I am not gonna call you that, it's ridiculous. And insulting."

"Well, that was the whole point, asshole."

Philip let that go with a frown and said, "I came to tell you that you must, _must_ destroy this island."

"I already know that."

Philip didn't speak for a second, than he said, "But you're having doubts, aren't you? Wondering where you'll fit in, now? Now that you're not alone anymore." Kate looked up and his eyes were all the confirmation she needed. "You have to do it, Jimmy, and have faith that it will be alright."

"Why? Why is it so important?" He had stopped shaking, some, but he was still terrified and it was turning to anger, only insted of lashing out at Kate he was putting it where it belonged. "And as for faith, well, _dad_, you're probably the last person I'd put any faith in." He sneered. "No, I think _mom_ would be last."

Kate expected the ghost to be serene and benign, but he exploded, grabbing Sawyer around the throat with a suddenly tangible hand. "Don't EVER talk about your mother that way." He released his hold, throwing Sawyer back a couple of feet and returning to his serene, shimmering place. Kate realized with belated shock that she and Ana had both fired but the bullets had just zoomed off into thin air, and she tucked the gun back into her pants as Ana did the same. They'd end up shooting one another on accident.

Sawyer was massaging his throat and Kate went to him, immediately, but he pushed her back again, panting as he faced his father. "She screwed you, dad, or to be a little more accurate, she screwed someone else. You _killed_ her for it. How can you defend her?"

Philip stared at him for a second, then he reached around Sawyer and grabbed Kate's arm; Sawyer moved to grab her back but she shook her head. "No, it's okay, James." She didn't know what was going to happen but this seemed like a catharsis for Sawyer, something he needed to face up to, even if it wasn't real. But it had to be _real_, he was holding her arm even now, and it was as real as it could get. Saywer backed off a little but he stayed poised and ready to leap.

"James, huh?" Philip smiled a little. "Do you love this woman, son?"

Sawyer nodded, his mouth dry with fear for Kate; he swallowed hard and managed to choke out, "Yes. More than anything."

Kate gave him a dazzling smile and his heart eased a little, if she was in trouble, or pain, or scared she wouldn't smile at him like that. Philip noticed him relaxing a little and he said, "You would do anything for her. Bleed for her? Die for her?"

Kate smiled again; she didn't need the answer to that because he'd already done it, but she smiled again as their eyes met and he said, "Yeah."

Philip's smile disappeared and he said, "Now imagine she's cheating on you, sleeping with another man." He couldn't help it. Jack popped into his mind automatically, and as his father continued he grew angrier and angrier. "It's all you can see," his voice was low and hurried, anxious. "Her skin against his, his hands touching her, making her moan and cry...things you thought only you could do." His eyes met Sawyer's and he said, "Imagine it. What would you do?"

He didn't even think. "I'd kill him." He looked at Kate, apologetically, and said, low, "Then you. Then myself." He knew it would never happen, Kate would never do that to him, but that didn't change his answer.

Smiling sadly, Philip said, "It's easy to judge, son, until you're in the same boat. I'm sorry for what I did, but you'll find it wasn't entirely in my hands." He let Kate go and smiled a little more brightly as Sawyer relaxed a little. "Which brings me to why I'm here." He paused, taking a deep breath. "I don't know how much you know about this place, but you know about the battles, right? The wars?"

"Yeah?"

"There are parallel worlds, you know, alternate universes, and exact copies of you, living the same lives but different, they exist on these alternate worlds. But when one of them, or one of you, gets pulled into one of these...pockets, this outside world, like the one we are on now, a stepping stone, you might say, when you get pulled into this world, so do all of the other yous. Only they think it's _them_ living on the island. Does that make sense?"

Kate nodded, leaning against Sawyer, and he did, uncertainly; he understood but it was a little much to grasp on top of everything else. "Yeah, I guess."

Chuckling, Philip said, "It'll sink in later. Anyway, I was sucked in, and when I was, your father, which is still me, was brought in too. And all of the other Philip Fords." His voice grew quiet. "And your mother. She was with me too."

Sawyer's head snapped up so fast Kate thought he'd broken his neck for a second. "Mom? Is she here?"

Kate almost cried at the little boy eagerness that lit up his face and she did cry at his forlorn disappointment when Philip said, "She's dead, too." He sighed, "You see, the champion of the Light Side, the one who has to destroy the island, it's passed down from father to son. When I came here to do battle I left you behind because if I failed, the best way for you to be strong was to be _made_ strong. And it worked, you know."

Sawyer was shaking his head. "But I was there, when my father died. I was _there_."

"Yes, you were. And so was I, or my shell, anyway. The same with your mom. When we died here, on the island, we died there, on Earth."

Kate's fingers felt cool on his feverish skin and he held her close, trying not to snap under the overload he was getting. "How did you die, here?"

Philip smiled. "The animals were attacking the foundation. I was determined to get back to the real world and expose this place, expose Hanso for the lunatic he was. I stole Wallace's badge and some stones and a vial of the serum and I tried to escape through the drains. Wallace realized what was going on and he flooded the drains. I drowned." He smiled, a little satisfactorily. "But the animals, they did a job! We won, that day, but that bstard, Wallace, he stopped the tesseract reaction just in time."

Kate could see the reality of it sinking in, the actaulity of what he was saying, and she sighed as Sawyer said, in a choked whisper, "What about mom?"

Philip looked so sad she almost felt like crying for him, too. "She was killed by one of the people from the foundation. Trying to help the animals." Shaking his head to clear it, he continued, "That's not important now, Jimmy. What's in the past is past. It's the future I'm here about." He smiled at Kate, kindly, and she felt herself smiling back; just like his son, he was infectious, and he held his hand out to her but Sawyer stepped between them, scowling, and Philip just said, "_His_ future." He eyed Sawyer, looking at his now-grown son and he couldn't do anything but look grim. "If you don't finish this, now, then he is doomed to come back. And his son, and his son, forever." He suddenly lunged forward and grabbed Sawyer's hand. "I wanted to do it for you, Jimmy, but I couldn't. I'm sorry."

Sawyer would have jerked his hand away in disgust and horror, and probably slugged the sht out of him (or tried to), and Kate watched him, closely, scared for him, but James just gently withdrew his hand and said, "Don't be sorry. Everything that has happened to me, every hurt, every wrong, every terrible thing _I've_ done, they've all made me who I am, and that...person," his eyes slid to Kate's, catching them and holding her gaze, "That person is perfect, because he loves...because he is loved by the most perfect woman in the world." Electricity sparked between them and they _couldn't_ break their gaze; the world fell away as she fell into his arms and he engulfed her, wrapping her up and holding her as close as he could. With Kate held tight in his arms her turned to face his father. "I forgive you. Just like that. I have more important things to worry about now."

Philip smiled and stepped closer, smiling even more when Sawyer didn't move away; he leaned close and whispered, "I'm glad that I had a chance to see the man you've become, Jimmy. Or James, I guess. Your mom would be proud." He hesitated before sticking out his hand and Sawyer hesitated before taking it, but he did, and with a smile Philip began to fade away. "Finish it, James."

He was just a hazy glow before Sawyer stepped forward and shouted, "His name is Joshua! Joshua Philip!" His words echoed across the beach as his father faded away, leaving a shadowy, satisfied smile lingering for a few seconds before it too, vanished with a _pop_.

He gazed after his father for an anguished, happy minute, then he pulled Kate back into his arms, hugging her so tightly she couldn't breathe, and as she raised her face for air his lips met hers with blinding force, pushing everything, even the _need_ to breathe, out of her mind.

He finally came up for air, though, and leaned his forehead against hers, cupping her face in his hands. "I love you, Kate."

"I know." She looked up into his eyes. "And that's why I know you meant what you said." Her lips planted a kiss on his nose. "All of it."

His hands slid into her hair and he whispered, "All of it." She shivered a little.

She noticed Sara and Ana a little way off, watching them with concern, and she sighed, kissing Sawyer lightly. "Are you okay, James?"

He sighed into her hair, heavily, and she knew he was regretting leaving the vicinity of a bed as he said, "Yeah. That was too weird to freak me out."

He was different, lighter, like a huge load had been lifted from him, and somehow he _wasn't_ flipped out, or angry, or hurt, or upset; he was _happy_, and he kissed her again, as Sara and Ana ventured closer. "I love you, Jimmy," she whispered, "And I'm glad _I_ got to see the man you've become."


	140. Chapter 140

Jack ran like the devil was behind him, turning on his newfound speed and moving through the jungle like a wisp of smoke; by late afternoon he had made it almost to the caves, and he slowed because the chances of meeting someone now were higher and he didn't want to be seen, at least, not now.

His mind had been consumed by her for the last few hours as he ran, wondering where she was, what was happening between her and the others, what she was telling them, if she missed him like he missed her. And he did, he ached for her, for her touch, her voice, and he kicked himself over and over for being so stupid. What he would do once he saw her again was something he avoided thinking about; he wasn't so stupid as to think that she would just fall back into his arms like nothing had happened; he dreaded what was coming because he wasn't sure he was going to be able to convince her.

It was taking all of his willpower to not run off looking for her and he slowed to a crawl as he came close to the caves; he listened for a few minutes but they seemed deserted, or at least very, very empty. He slid around the corner of the cave walls, peeking to see if anyone was there, sighing with relief he stepped out into the deserted caves and ran to Adam, the skeleton they had left at rest in his cavern bower.

He reached into the pocket of the corpse, wincing just a little at the cold touch of the bones, and he pulled out a pouch in triumph, his eyes gleaming as he upended it into his hand. Nothing came out. He shook the bag, frantically, then opened it wide, peeing in, though he knew it was silly. They were gone. The stones were gone.

Somehow, some way, they had beaten him here and gotten the stones, because Kate knew where they were. They were probably on their way to the hatch now. Furious with frustration, Jack slung the bag away, then grabbed Adam in a fit of rage and threw the body across the cave, scattering bones and bits of rotted clothing everywhere. Only then did he notice that there were still suitcases and pallets here; they weren't _deserted_ they were just empty, and he kicked at one of Adam's bones as he left the caves before anyone came back, headed for the Backgammon Hatch.

-----

None of them slept much after Philip's visit, Sawyer not at all, and as Kate snuggled against him in the sand he held her close, running the conversation over and over in his mind. There was so much to contemplate he couldn't get his mind settled to one topic; if he tried to consider the implications the Island would have on Joshua another part of his brain was whirling around the fact that his dead father had just come to see him, while yet another section of his mind was shouting that everything he had ever thought about his parent's death's was a lie, and deep down in a dingy, dirty corner, he could see Jack, with Kate, his hands on her, making her moan and writhe in pleasure and he couldn't take it, he couldn't _think_. He wanted to wake Kate up, to talk to her, but he couldn't bring himself to do it and so he just gazed at her, trying to push all of the other thoughts away and concentrate on her beautiful, sleeping body.

She wasn't sleeping anyway, not really, and Sawyer's intense gaze made her skin tingle; she cracked her eyes to find his shaggy head bent over hers, peering intently at her, as if willing her to wake up. She smiled sleepily and said, "Yes?"

He kissed her, and that worked at driving everything else away, his mind was clear and he knew one thing with crytal clarity, that he loved her and would do anything, _anything_ in the world to be with her and the baby. Waves of emotion so strong they made him shake washed over him and he slid his hand over Kate's stomach, feeling the delicious warmth of her skin even through her shirt, and he said, "I couldn't sleep."

Her hand drifted down and covered his, feeling him tremble. "What's wrong, baby?"

He ducked his head, and said, "It's too much, Kate. I can't...I can't take it all in. It's like my head's gonna split open." She could see the miserable, pained tears glinting in his eyes, reflecting the firelight, and she sat up, hugging him. "Was he real? Or am I crazy?" He wasn't sure which one scared him the most.

Kate must have felt the same way; she laughed and said, "Well, either way we're screwed, right?"

That made him laugh, too, and suddenly his head was a little clearer, the misery on his shoulders wasn't so heavy, and he said, only half-joking, "You better watch your choice of words, Freckles."

She rolled her eyes and said, "Here, James, lay back," she pulled his head down so he was laying on his back with his head in her lap and she said, "Now, what's wrong?"

He raised his eyes up to her and said, "Why do I feel like I'm on a couch? Bein' a shrink one of your many hidden talents?"

She gave him a smile as she began to rub his temples softly, and he closed his eyes because _damn_ it felt good, and as her rhythmic rubbing began to lull him he said, "Do you think it's true, what he said about Joshua?"

The pressure of her fingers increased a little and she said, "Was it true about you having doubts?"

Her voice was strained, worried and he opened his eyes to look up at her. "Not about us, Kate," he said, softly, a little scared by her fear. "I just don't know where we fit in. Except here."

"We don't, James. But we're used to that." He closed his eyes again, letting her fingers relax him; it was as much her touch as the actual massage, just her caress was enough to ease him, and she whispered, "We don't belong here, either, James. We'd never be safe, we'd always be running."

His reply was suddenly vicious, because he saw the truth in her words. "Not if we kill them all."

Her hands slid from temples into his hair, and she began combing through it, lightly. "Right, right. Kill them all. Is that really the solution you want?"

"Yes." It was almost hissed and it gave her chills because he was serious; he'd kill everyone on the island if it meant they could stay here together, and that level of fear in him shook her a little.

"Yeah, so we kill Locke," which, if she was honest with herself, didn't really bother her all that much, "and Hurley, and Jin, and Sun, and Jack-"

He snorted, half-sitting up to glare at her. "You think I'd have a problem killing Jackass? Well think again, honey, 'cause I could snap his neck without even thinking about it." He hesitated, because he knew he was frightening her a little, and he tried to make her understand, because always, in the back of his mind was that vision, that damn vision his dear old dad planted there, however unwittingly, of Jack and Kate, and it infuriated him as he snapped, "When my father asked me to picture you, with another man, who do you think it was?"

She paled a little, wondering why she hadn't considered that before, and suddenly his violent hatred of Jack was clear, and she said, "You still wouldn't kill him. You're just upset, and that's understandable. But, James, please," she tried to turn his mind away from Jack by taking his hand and putting it on her belly, holding it there with hers, "If we have to do it, to save him, then we have to do it. You and me," she swallowed hard, looking into his scared, furious, loving eyes, "We'll never fit in. We only fit _together_. So we'll be okay, as long as it's us. The three of us."

He wanted to believe her, he wanted to so badly and he made himself because it was easier that way. "I hope you're right, Kate." He grinned, squeezing her belly a little, lovingly. "And you know how much I hate for you to be right."

"Yeah." Their lips met, softly, and they kissed for a few minutes, until it began to get into dangerous territory; glancing over at Sara and Ana, sleeping beside the dying fire, she whispered, "You think they'd notice if we just went at it right here?"

He whispered back, mischieveiously, "You think I care if they do?"

She chuckled softly, "No, I guess you wouldn't." She laughed. "You probably want them to, like some Penthouse letter or something."

His dimples deepened dangerously and he said, "Well, actually, that hadn't crossed my mind. Apparently I ain't the only one with my mind in the gutter." His arms had snaked around her, pulling her close and her heart started beating a mile a minute.

"Well, I was just thinking _as_ you, you know, so it was really you thinking it, not me."

He frowned, shaking his head. "Freckles, my head hurts enough, please don't say confusin' stuff like that right now."

She laughed and kissed him on he cheek. "Sorry."

They sat quietly for a few minutes, just holding each other and staring up into the sky; a silvery star streaked across the heavens and they both watched it fall, passing the horizon as it seemed to drop into the ocean. "I'm not really tired. Let's start walking."

He agreed, actually, their kissing had produced an energy with no way of immediate release, and some excercise might help. Otherwise they would both just sit there and chafe, restlessly, so going was really their best option. "You wake up the Ya-Ya Sisterhood, then, and I'll wait here."

She threw him a look of disgust as she stood, brushing off her jeans. "What a trooper."

He grabbed her, suddenly, kissing her hard as his hands traveled down her body; he pulled her into a hug, resting his head on her shoulder, and she gasped for air, flushed and thrumming with excitement. "I love you, Kate."

"I love you, James. And we're gonna be fine. Okay?"

He believed it. "Yeah. We are."

She pulled away and went to wake Sara and Ana while he picked up their stuff and put sand over the fire; the women woke up unwillingly, groaning and complaining, but they climbed to their feet, stretching and yawning. "So much for beauty sleep, eh, Cowboy?" Ana winked at him and he smirked back.

"I can see why that's your first concern, Butch." Still smiling, he let Kate take his hand and lead them down the beach.

They walked, back in their old formation, and after a while Sara said, "It's kinda funny."

Kate turned her head back and said, "What?"

"That Sawyer's father's name is Philip." She grinned at Kate, her eyes twinkling like the stars. "It means 'friend of horses'. And Philip was the father of Alexander the Great. Philip was a great horseman, he was known for it across the Greek Kingdom he had won for himself, and a great general, and though Alexander was very much like his father, the same bravery, same good looks, by the age of twenty-one he had outstripped his father in all things. Even in horsemanship, for one day a trader brought in Bucephalus, a mighty black stallion who refused to be tamed. He breathed fire and brimstone and devoured the flesh of any that would dare try to ride him. Philip turned the horse away, because if he couldn't be ridden he was of no use, but Alexander begged him to buy the beast, vowing that he would repay his father if he couldn't tame the horse." Kate smiled at the mention of the horse. "Alexander was only eleven, but he walked fearlessly up to Bucephalus, and whispered into his ear. The horse snorted but didn't move and Alexander swung himself up onto the horse's back and they rode away, leaping over the gathered crowd and galloping off onto the plains. The mighty Bucephalus had been tamed."

Sawyer was looking at Kate and she said, "Oh, really?"

Sara smiled at the two of them, so happy, so content. "Yeah. He was Alexander's best, most loyal companion, and when Alexander died in his sleep, at thirty-three, they say Bucephalus lay down in his stall, went to sleep, and never woke up."

Sawyer grimaced. "Nice ending."

Kate squeezed him. "It is kinda nice. They couldn't live without each other."

It was quiet and tranquil, walking with him, their hands entwined, and the breeze was cool on their fevered skin; the stars and the moon whirled away and the dawn peeked over the mountains, finally, and Kate realized they were almost to the spit that would lead them to the camp, and she stopped. "Ana, does Jack know you took those stones?"

She and Sara shared a knowing glance and she said, "Uh, yeah. I'm pretty sure." They both burst into light giggles, and Kate looked up at Sawyer, her eyebrows raised.

"Oookay. Well, what do you think is the likelihood of him coming after the ones in the caves?"

Suddenly serious, Ana said, "I'd say good. Why?"

Kate paused, then pointed into the jungle. "The caves are that way, straight through the jungle. I think two of us should go get them."

Sawyer eyed her, suspiciously. "And I'm assuming you are one of those two?"

"I know where they are." She looked away from him, a little guiltily, and said, "And Ana."

"Why not all of us?" He didn't want her to go and so he was grasping at straws, though he knew it was useless, if she'd made up her mind she was going to do it.

"Because you and Sara need to go to the beach and create a diversion; you know they'll send someone to the caves to get everyone, if you go back to camp. This is probably the most exciting thing that's happened since we've been gone."

He laughed. "You hope."

She didn't find it so funny. "Yeah, I _do_ hope. But if so, then you'll draw everyone to the beach, then Ana and I can slip in and get the stones."

"Why me?" Ana spoke up, wondering why Kate would choose her, though she had a suspicion.

"Because if Jack shows up you'll be a diversion."

Chuckling grimly, Ana said, "Well, at least you're honest." She sighed. "And right. About it all. If anyone sees us at the caves we'll be mobbed, and I don't think it's a good idea to let too many people in on what's been happening." It was a subject she'd been meaning to tackle, since they'd decided to go back to camp.

Kate nodded. "I think Ana's right. We should only tell people what they need to know. We can let Sayid in, I think, but anyone else is a liability."

"How do you mean?" Sara didn't know anyone else at the camp, so she didn't get their inclination towards trouble.

"Do you really want everyone storming off into the jungle to find the other hatches? The Foundation? Look at the trouble _we've_ gotten into! This place is chaotic enough."

Sawyer grinned. "Good point." He sighed and looked own the beach, then into the jungle. "Okay, Kate, but Jesus, please be careful."

She kissed him, a slow lingering kiss and he savored it like it was their last; the last thing he wanted was for her to go wandering off in the jungle with _Ana_ of all people, but she wasn't Bucephalus, she wasn't tamed. He didn't want her to be, so he'd let her go without too much of a fight, though his stomach was already icy with dread, and he knew it would be until he laid eyes on her again. Pulling away slightly, she held his face in her hands. "I'll see you in three hours, James. The faster you get to the beach, the faster you draw everyone away, the faster I come back to you. Okay?"

"Okay. I love you."

He said it with desperation, and as Kate looked into his worried, frantic eyes she chuckled a little. "Oh, James, I love you too. I'll be fine. Who in their right minds would try something on me and _Ana_?"

He snorted, throwing a mean look at Ana, and said softly, "Well, sweetcheeks, how about anyone who wants you dead? 'Cause everybody knows how she reacts in stressful situations. Just ask Sticks. Oh wait, you can't."

She smiled at him, but it was cold and she drew away as she said, "Well, thanks for the vote of confidence. You'd better get going. _Ana_ and I will be waiting for everyone to leave the caves, just tell them we got separated." She gave Sawyer a nasty look. "It won't be far from the truth."

His return sneer was almost as nasty. "That all my instructions, General? Sure you don't want to draw me a map in case I can't figure out how to follow the beach?"

"Hey!" Ana said, stepping between them, "That's enough." She looked up at Sawyer with a sneer. "And I heard what you said about me, asshole."

"Well, if the shoe fits, honey."

Kate was furious; they hadn't even made it to the beach and they were falling apart. "Let's go, Ana." She hefted her pack and began walking towards the jungle and Ana glared at Sawyer one last time before running to catch up the the fast-moving Kate, and he stared after her in despair; why, _why_ did things always spiral out of control like that? She was going to leave him? Just like that? His heart wanted him to go after her and his head wanted him to chase her down but his feet were rooted and his mouth too dry to call after her to stop, to wait, to come back for just a minute, so he just stared after her, open mouthed in shock.

Kate was slowing down because every step away from him made her legs more like lead and as Ana caught up to her she could barely take another step; she recognized that weight, it was so familiar, so comfortable because it was guilt and she turned back. As she took her first step towards Sawyer her feet were suddenly light and she ran to him, throwing herself into his waiting, hungry arms. "I'm sorry," they both said it at the same time and laughed, kissing each other frantically before Kate disengaged herself and ran back to the edge of the trees, stopping and waving before she and Ana disappeared into the trees together.

Sawyer stared at the trees, hoping against hope that she'd come back but after a few minutes it was apparent that she wasn't and he sighed as Sara said, "We should go."

He nodded and forced himself to turn his eyes away from the trees and start moving down the beach; Sara took his hand and said, "She'll be fine. She just wants to talk to her."

He glanced down at her sharply. "About what?"

Grinning, Sara just shook her head. "I won't tell. But it's something very important. Something good."

They walked in silence for a while until they came to the cove, and as they rounded the curve they could see the camp, and people scurrying around, doing the usual things they did and Sawyer sighed, a little relieved himself to find the camp still there, and it surprised him now that he could see them, how worried he had actually been without even realizing it. He took Sara's hand as she looked a little dubiously at the throng of people and he smiled. "It's okay. They don't bite. Most of them are nice." She nodded, still a little nervous.

"Bloody hell!" Charlie spotted them from where he'd been sitting on a rock, a little way down the beach from Claire and Aaron, watching as she walked him up and down the shoreline. He jumped up as he saw two people walking towards them and one was Sawyer, he was sure, but who was the other? He ran, shouting, "Sawyer!" and when he reached him he gave him a big hug.

Sawyer was almost knocked backards by Charlie's embrace, and he chuckled, saying, "Whoa, whoa, easy on the duds, Chuckie. I just had 'em cleaned."

Charlie realized what he was doing and backed away, looking sheepish. "Sorry, man."

Sawyer laughed, then grabbed Charlie in a bear hig, lifting him off the ground. "Damn, it's good to see you, Chuckie!" he set him down and Charlie, grinned.

"Yeah, yeah, man, it's great to see you, you've been gone so long! We all thought you were dead. But where's Jack? And Kate?" He turned his gaze to Sara, who smiled as Charlie grinned endearingly at her. "And who are you?"

Sawyer smirked at Charlie's lame show of interest in Sara and said, "Sara Shepard."

"Shepard, isn't that Jack's-"

"Ex-wife, yes." Sara stuck her hand out, giving Sawyer a look. "And you must be Charlie."

He bowed, ridiculously, and then took her hand, kissing it as Sawyer rolled his eyes. People were coming down the beach now, and he took Sara's hand, leading her to meet the oncoming throng of people.

Sayid was in the lead and he stopped just short of him as everyone thronged around them; he heard Charlie shout, "Sun is at the caves, someone go get her!" He saw someone start running up the path.

His task just completed for him, he smiled at Sayid and said, "Well, well, how ya been, Apu?"

Sayid stared at him hard for a moment, his arms crossed. "I have been tolerable, Sawyer. Where is everyone, and who is this?"

Charlie piped up. "That's Jack's ex-wife."

Sayid turned very interested eyes onto them; he didn't trust Saywer anyway and it was a little suspicious for him to show up without anyone from their group, but with a stranger in tow. "Really, now. And where is Jack?"

Sawyer was getting pissed; he hadn't expected an interrogation as a welcome, and he silently vowed to kick Kate's ass next time he saw her for getting him into this. His eyes narrowed and his voice was soft. "I see that look in your eye. Torture ain't on the menu today, Sahib."

Claire had pushed her way to the inner edge of the circle, holding Aaron, and she said, "Where's Kate?" Ever since Kate had delivered him, in the jungle, she'd had a close friendship with her and she was alarmed that Sawyer had come back without her.

"She's coming. We got separated. She's fine, Ana's fine, Jack is...fine, I guess, and Locke is insane."

Sayid didn't seem impressed by that. "Really. Perhaps you could be a little clearer."

"Perhaps you can wait until Kate gets here."

"Perhaps you'd like to wait in the hatch."

"Perhaps you'd like to try and make me."

The tension was high as they faced off; no one stepped in, no one moved at all until finally Sayid said, "What have you been doing out there all this time, Sawyer?"

"Oh, a little of this, a little of that." He was still pissed off, at Sayid and at Kate.

"Really." Sayid smiled, coldly, and took a step forward. Sawyer didn't flinch. When Sayid spoke he enunciated his words clearly and put a little force behind each one. "What were you doing out there, Sawyer?"

His eyes were gleaming, glinting like steel as he said, "I was having tea with the White Rabbit."

Sayid laughed but it was humorless and his eyes were black as he took another step forward. "I'm going to ask you one more time, Sawyer," he said softly. "What were you doing out there?"

His eyes flamed and he had to restrain himself as Sayid moved into his space and he stepped up, toe to toe with him and said, "I was surviving, Sayid. If you want to know any more I suggest you wait for Kate."

"And when will that be?" Sayid hissed. "How long do I wait? For all I know Kate could be dead."

The very words struck him cold and he said, low, "If Kate was dead do you think I'd be here?"

Sun came bursting down the path, Jin behind her, and a line of people from the caves were straggling behind; Sawyer sighed, his chest tightening because Kate wouldn't be far behind. Sun ran to Sawyer and threw her arms around his neck and he hesitated before returning the hug; seeing the look on Jin's face he cut it short, pushing her gently away as she said, "I can't believe it! We thought you were dead! Where's Kate?"

"She's right here."

They all turned to see her coming out of the trees, panting and sweaty, Ana behind her; Sawyer's legs went shaky with relief as she smiled and came running down the beach.

-----

After leaving Sawyer and Sara behind on the beach they moved along at a good pace for a while; eventually Kate called a halt and they stopped, taking drinks and catching their breath. Kate smiled. "I think we can take our time. He'll probably sulk his way down the beach for a while."

Ana laughed, recapping her bottle and sticking it into her pack. "Whew. We can slow down then. You set a killer pace."

Kate just smiled; she had done that on purpose, first, to get her as far away from Sawyer as possible so she wouldn't be tempted to turn back, and second, so they _would_ have time to slow down. "I wanted to talk to you, Ana. I know we haven't known each other long." She smiled again as Ana looked at her curiously. "And to be honest, most of that time we've been at odds. But I think over the last day we've become something like friends, don't you?"

"What are you getting at, Kate?"

She started walking, not answering right away. "I think we have a kind of bond. I'm not sure what it is, but I think I can...we can help you."

"Help me what?"

"Find what it is you're looking for."

They walked quietly together; it was beautiful, the sun was warm but shaded by the canopy, and though Kate hated being back under the stifling trees, she had to admit it _was_ cooler. Finally Ana said softly, "And what is that?"

"You tell me."

Sneering, Ana said, "Where is this going? How can you help me if you don't know what I want?"

Kate stopped, facing Ana and meeting her eyes. "I know, Ana. But I want to hear you say it. _Say_ what it is you want and I can fix it for you." Her eyes were shining with excitement, and Ana dared to hope that it could be, for a second, then she quenched it, drowning the hope because when it wasn't true she would be crushed.

Suddenly she hated Kate, for even making her _want_ to feel hopeful again, and she snapped, "This is pretty shitty of you, Kate, to screw with me about that."

Looking hurt, Kate said, "I'm not, I promise. Just say it, Ana, I'm the only one here. I just want to be sure I'm right. That I know what you want."

She hesitated, sighing, afraid to trust her but wanting to so badly that she finally blurted out, "Kids. I wanna have kids."

Kate smiled, nodding. "I thought so." She leaned close, whispering in Ana's ear, "He can fix you, Ana. And he will, when the time is right. I promise you."

There had to be a string attatched somewhere, and Ana said, "I can't promise you, Kate, if Jack...I can't promise I'll always be on your side."

Kate glanced aside at her, smiling a little. "I know."

"You'd do it anyway?" She shook her head. "I don't _get_ you, sometimes, Kate."

She smiled again, slyly. "I know."

They walked until Kate spotted the path and they stayed in the shadows as people came and went sporadically; finally someone came tearing up the path, calling for Sun, and Kate smiled at Ana as people began to file out, hurriedly headed for the beach. Sun passed and she wanted to call out to her but she didn't, instead she just watched her pass, sadly.

Finally the trickle ended and they slipped out of the trees and into the caves. Kate had been right; they were now deserted and she ran to Adam, reaching into his pocket and pulling out the pouch. She started to tuck the pouch in her pocket but Ana stopped her, dumping the stones out into her hand and sticking the pouch back into the corpse's pocket.

Kate watched her, a grin playing at her lips; it was pretty funny. "You're so mean," she whispered, as they exited the caves and started running for the beach.

Ana glanced sideways at her and grinned. "I know."


	141. Chapter 141

**Chapter 141**  
Sawyer's knees went weak with relief as Kate came out of the trees, followed by Ana, partly because he didn't want to fight with Sayid and it was headed that way; he started to go to her as she ran down the beach but Sun and Claire beat him to her, crushing her and Ana in a mash of laughing, crying women and a baby, who started bawling as if on cue, and Sawyer and Sayid forgot their hostilities for a second as they exchanged comically horrified glances. It didn't last. "See, Apu? Told you she was fine. So you can put away your torture toothpicks."

"Not yet." Kate heard the hostile tone in Sawyer's voice and pulled out of the group of women, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand as she took in the scene. 

"What's up?" She asked Sawyer, going to his side.

He took that as a sign and slid his arm around her waist, secretly glad that the entire camp was there to see it. "I didn't get much of a welcome, Freckles. Seems Apu don't trust me." He was still mad but now that Kate was here, safe, the icy dread in his gut had gone and he didn't feel _quite_ as hostile as before.

Kate smiled up at him and said, "Who does?" She slid her arm around him, hugging him close. "Besides me?"

"Funny." He rolled his eyes, and Sayid watched them, his eyes taking in every detail, from the easy way he held her to the look in her eyes as she smiled up at him. They had become very close over the past few weeks. And they were different, both of them, relaxed and unconstrained; he wondered at the change, and at Sawyer's docility at Kate's hands, though he understood that well enough. But Kate was the real change; she didn't look hunted anymore, she didn't look terrified and guilty and he wondered what had happened out there to change her so, to make her a different Kate. The edginess was gone, too, and she seemed softer and sweeter, and obviously in love.

He noted with a deep pang how smitten Sawyer was, too, the man couldn't make it any more obvious how happy he was. And that was it, that was the change in both of them. They were _happy_. He swallowed hard, looking away from them and willing the tears not to well up in his eyes as he thought about Shannon; the weeks here had been hell, boredom to the highest degree. The most exciting thing to happen had been Charlie getting a nasty cut on his cheek from Claire's fist when he 'accidentally' kidnapped Aaron in his sleep. He'd been banished to the edges of camp and the incident hadn't recurred, but Claire had laid a good one on him and he'd needed three stitches to close it up; other than that he'd had nothing to do but think about her, and thoughts of her always brought of thoughts of Ana. He didn't hate her, not anymore; it wasn't her fault, she'd reacted trying to protect her people. And his people, too, to be honest, Sawyer and Michael and Jin. It was a terrible accident, but he needed someone to blame and so he chose _Them_. It was Their fault Shannon was dead, that he was alone.

Ana was watching him, and she saw the look of sorrow that crossed his face as he gazed at Kate and Sawyer; guilt bubbled up in her gut and she turned away, about to walk up the beach and try leave the guilt behind, but Kate saw her going. "Ana!"

She hesitated; she didn't want to face the accusation in Sayid's eyes, she couldn't take it, not now, but she turned and went to Kate's side, finally risking a look at him.

He wasn't looking at them anymore; his eyes were on her but there was no accusation, no anger. He smiled. "Hello, Ana-Lucia. It is good to see you. And you Kate." His defensiveness had disappeared, mainly because thinking about Shannon had drained his energy, his spirit and he almost didn't care. "You have been gone a long time. Where is everyone else?"

"Jack and Locke are still out there, we split up a while ago." It wasn't a complete lie, at least, and Kate continued, after a sad hesitation, "Eko's dead, and They have Michael."

Sawyer saw a couple of faces turn aside in grief at the news of Eko's death, and he noticed Rose and Bernard, hovering on the edges of the circle, and Libby, also watching, and he sympathinzed with them because he missed Eko too, badly. He craved his guidance, his wisdom because he needed it, now more than ever because he could feel an uncomfortable doubt growing in his belly, especially after his father's visit. The knowledge that he was so like his father had shaken him, a little, and it had given room to those fears, those worries that he wouldn't be good enough, that he could never be a real dad. What the hell did he have to go on? He had no template to go by, no knowledge of what he should be.

"How did Eko die?"

Kate suddenly swooned and fell into Sawyer's arms, jolting him out of his reverie as he caught her, sweeping her up into his arms and carrying her to the closest tent. "Kate! Kate!"

She cracked her eys, rolling them before whispering, "I'm okay. Play along." She closed her eyes again and groaned, and he carried her into the tent, laying her down and fanning her face.

Ana stuck her head in, looking concerned and Sawyer snapped, "Water!" She nodded, her eyes wide, and she pulled her head back out of the tent flap, and Sayid stuck his in.

"Is Kate alright?"

She opened her eyes and beckoned to him. "I'm fine, I just didn't want everyone to hear what I have to say and that seemed like the least suspicious way to get out of answering a bunch of questions. We'll meet you at the hatch in a while, try to get everyone out."

He smiled and nodded his head at the exit. "Sun and Claire are frantic. Shall I let them in?"

She grinned. "Yeah, and Sara too. I'm sure she's scared silly." She turned imploring eyes at Sawyer. "James, please go get her. I'm fine, really." He kissed her, deeply, before he stood and left, giving Sayid the eye as he passed.

Sayid watched him go, then turned dubious eyes on Kate. "Is she really Jack's ex-wife?"

She sat up, nodding. "Yep."

"Curious."

She laughed. "Sayid, you have no _idea_."

Sara popped her head in, and smiled when she saw Kate sitting up. "You okay?"

Kate nodded. "Yeah, just fine." She nodded at Sayid. "Sayid, meet Sara Shepard."

He took her hand and kissed the back of it valiantly. "I am sorry about what happened on the beach. We have to be careful here."

She laughed. "Oh, I know."

Kate grinned. "Sara's been with us on some of our adventures. She knows as much about this place as anyone else."

Sun stuck her head in, smiling when she saw Kate. "You must be better. What happened?"

"Just the heat, I guess. I'm fine." She stood, making sure to act a little unsteady and weak, because it was all in the details. "I think I'm going to go to the hatch for a while, lie down."

Sun was eyeing Kate steadily, scrutinizing her and a huge smile spread across her face. "How far along?"

There was a splash as her heart dropped into her stomach. "What?"

She was spared an answer by Ana sticking her head in with a water bottle, handing it to Kate. "You okay? Good, because Claire is waiting outside and I think she's gonna pace a hole in the earth if you don't let her in."

Sayid took that as a cue and he smiled at Kate as he started to leave. "I will see you at the hatch soon? I'll tell everyone you're a little ill from the sun so they'll leave you alone for a while."

She grinned, giving him a quick hug, since Sawyer wasn't around to see it. "Thanks. Tell Claire to come in, and Ja- Sawyer, too." He bowed, slightly, smiling back, and she said, "It's good to be back, Sayid. How have _you_ been?"

He took Kate's hand, bending and holding it to his forehead. "I have been survivng, Kate, just like you." Letting her hand go, he slipped outside, and Claire came running in, holding Aaron.

"Kate, are you okay?"

She was getting really tired of that question, but she smiled and said, "I'm fine. Just a little too much sun."

Sun grinned and looked aside at Claire. "A little too much Sawyer, if you ask me."

Claire eyed Kate, approvingly, nodding as she looked her up and down. "I think you're right, Sun."

She glanced at Sara, almost for confirmation, and Sara shrugged. Why not? It was good news, and they obviously already suspected, why keep it in? A huge grin spread over Kate's face, her eyes lighting up and that was all the answer they needed; she was crushed under the weight of hugging, laughing women, and Aaron started crying again.

Sun grinned and smiled at Kate, shyly. "Me too."

She was stunned, though she shouldn't have been surprised; while she had been occupied with Sawyer after his return from the raft debacle, Sun had been occupied with Jin. "Wow," she said, softly, then they all dissolved into laughs and squeals again, interspersed with Aaron's shrill cries that went ignored.

The throng on the beach had dispersed. Sawyer was about to go in to the tent, which happened to be Sun and Jin's, when he heard the sqeals and the laughter; he hesitated then decided against it, it was bad enough when the slumber party was just Sara and Ana, he didn't think he could handle two more giggling girls thrown in. He turned, unsure of where to go, and he decided to check out what was left of his tent and his stash; he didn't expect there to be much.

He wasn't disappointed; his beach house had been stripped to the bare pieces of wreckage holding up the tarp, though, of course, the tarp was gone too. And of course, his stash. Gone. It didn't bother him as much as he thought it would, really, because that belonged to the old him, Saywer, and James didn't care about that stuff. Well, not as much. He wondered if the two suitcases he'd hidden in the jungle had been plundered too, and he was about to go and find out when a voice interrupted him.

"We all thought you were dead, Sawyer. We divided your things up among the camp."

He turned to find Sayid behind him, his dark curly hair pulled back into a ponytail; it had gotten really long and it gave Sawyer an idea just how long they _had_ been gone; time had lost all meaning out in the jungle and everything had been so compressed, happened so fast that it was surrealistic and timeless and he thought idly about _asking_ Kate to cut his hair because he was sure he needed it. They had never gotten around to it after she shaved him and things had gotten a little hairy (no pun intended) since then. "Nah, doesn't matter."

Sayid smiled. "I'm sorry about the beach, Sawyer. You must understand how it looked."

The old Sawyer would have sneered and said something smart, but he suddenly didn't want to. Sawyer, who used to be such an agreeable skin, didn't fit now; he was uncomfortable in it and he itched to get it off. Unconciously scratching at his arm he just smiled. ""It's okay, Apu. No harm, no foul. And it was just stuff, and I'm sure you needed it."

Sayid looked a bit taken aback at that; he'd expected some snotty remark and a racial slur thrown in for good measure. Apu was pretty mild, though somewhat inaccurate, but he didn't bring that up. He didn't know what to say for a minute, just staring at Sawyer, who seemed a little ill at ease. "What _happened_ to you out there?"

Chuckling a little, Sawyer said, "Any other time I would have found that real insultin', Sayid." He paused, glancing furtively around to be sure no one was listening. "I know Kate's going to tell you everything later but I don't think this should wait. Jack and Locke, they both went over to the Others. Don't trust them, if they should happen to show up."

Sayid looked a little shocked, and he leaned close, whispering, "How do you know?"

Sawyer shook his head. "I'll let Kate tell you. I just wanted you to know about Jack. And Locke." Glancing into the jungle, he tried to change the subject. "Did you guys find the stuff in the jungle too?"

Sayid nodded, still trying to digest the information. While he still didn't trust Sawyer completely, he did trust Kate; she had proven herself to him, at least, and if she had faith in Saywer he saw no reason why he shouldn't. "Hurley found it when he was looking for fruit."

His last hope dashed, Sawyer shrugged. "Oh, well. I don't need it anyway." He glanced back down the beach at Sun's tent; Kate and the others had come out and she was looking around, frantically, he hoped for him. He smiled at Sayid and started down the beach and as Kate saw him her face lit up, dazzling him as always and he had to stop himself from running to her like a lovesick teenager; instead he let her do the running, catching her in his arms and kissing her as she said, "Why didn't you come in?"

The loss of his tent was suddenly much more distressing as he realized that they had no place to _go_, and he let her go before things got out of hand. "A roomful of cryin' women don't appeal to me, Freckles." Trying to look wounded he said, "I didn't think you'd notice I was gone."

She rolled her eyes. "Oh, please. I don't feel sorry for you." She kissed him again, aware of the eyes of everyone on them, then took his hand, leading him back towards Sun and Claire. Aaron was crying, still, and Claire had given up on shushing him; Sawyer eyed the baby with dismay, his gaze sliding almost automatically to Kate's stomach, and he swallowed hard, hoping no one had noticed.

Sun did, but she didn't say anything, instead, she smiled at him. "It's good to see you, Sawyer."

His eyes were still on the baby, and Kate was amused, and a little scared, at the look of horror and terror on his face as comprehension began to sink in for him. He tore his eyes away and glanced at Sun, mumbling, "Yeah, good to see you too," before turning his eyes back to Aaron, who had stopped crying at the sound of Sawyer's voice.

Kate's arms slid around him and she said, "Can you believe how big he is?"

Now that he had stopped crying he wasn't so bad, and Sawyer could see that he had grown; his body was almost right with his head, and he grinned despite himself as the baby smiled and cooed a little. At the sound of Kate's voice, though he started crying again, and Kate felt Sawyer tense as he said, "Do they all do that?"

Aaron stopped crying again, and Sawyer rolled his head back, giving the baby an exasperated look as Kate laughed, and Claire held Aaron out, a little, smiling as she said, "He likes you. You want to hold him?"

If it hadn't hurt so much she would have laughed out loud at the look of abject terror on his face as Claire thrust Aaron into his arms; he acted like she was touching him with a hot poker and Kate reached out, taking the baby instead. She'd been aching to hold him, anyway, and she knew Sun felt the same way; knowing they were having their own made them hungry for him, to feel his little body, so helpless and small, to cuddle and love him. 

As she held little Aaron in her arms, talking to him, touching his little hands and fingers with awe, Sawyer was affected more than he thought he would be; it was late afternoon and the sun beginning to sink and it cast a hazy glow around her, holding the baby, and he was reminded suddenly of a stained glass window from somewhere in his childhood, of a kneeling Mary, holding the baby Jesus with the sun shining through the glass making it all hazy and glorious at the same time. She was beautiful, but even more so than usual; he could flash forward in his mind and see her that way with _their_ son and it was so fcking perfect that he couldn't breathe for a minute.

His feet carried him next to her and she smiled at the dazed, awed look on his face and she handed Aaron to him, gently, and as he felt the little body curled int his, how light, but how warm and _solid_ he was he turned his gaze to Kate, who smiled and kissed Aaron on the forehead.

Suddenly it was too much; the sweet fragile boy in his arms and the beautiful woman next to him, it made it _too_ real, too...just too much. Panic shot through him, suddenly, and he felt weak and shaky; thrusting Aaron back into Kate's hands he mumbled something about being sorry then walked away as fast as he could without actually running.

Sun came to Kate's rescue, taking the baby from her stunned, shaking hands as she watched Sawyer go; Claire put her arm around her shoulder, soothing her. "It's okay, Kate. I'm sure he'll be back."

Sara knew the look in Kate's eye; she was about to go after him but this was one time it would be better if she didn't. She put her arms around Kate's waist and whispered in her ear, and Kate relaxed, even smiling, though she still seemed a little shocked and hurt. "He just needs a little while, Kate. He'll come back. You know that."

"Well," Kate said, staring after him through blurry eyes as he disappeared into the trees, "It's an island. Where's he going to go?"

He'd forgotten to get water. At the caves. He'd been so angry at Ana he'd forgotten to fill his water bottle, and he had now gone almost another day without drinking, and while his body could stand more punishment than usual it couldn't take that and it was shutting down again, his muscles were screaming and almost refusing to move and he had slowed to a crawl, hoping against hope he would stumble on a stream of some kind. Or rain; he looked skyward but it was bright blue, not a cloud in sight.

Dehydration was numbing his mind; he'd forgotten where he was going, how to get there; he was wandering blindly in the jungle, just willing his feet to keep moving until he could find water. He was hallucinating too; he kept seeing Ana everywhere and he followed her, trying to speak but she either couldn't hear him or he wasn't actually speaking. he couldn't tell which. But she beckoned him on, calling him forward, deeper into the jungle, farther away from the trail. Sometimes she'd disappear altogether, leaving him wandering, but she'd pop up again, luring him with her body and her eyes; he wanted her so badly he began to run after her whenever she appeared and just when he thought he had her she'd vanish and his fingers would close on thin air.

After a few times he began to cry, though there wasn't enough moisture left in his body to make tears; he was going to give up, he couldn't take her dancing away from him anymore.

She suddenly appeared next to him, sorrow and regret in her eyes as she held out her hand; he was afraid to take it, afraid that she'd pull it away, or worse, that it wouldn't be real at all, but he was weak, so weak, and he wanted to touch her, even if it was just a second, so he thrust his hand blidly, gasping in shock when it landed in hers, and she was _real_, tangible.

She helped him up, not speaking, and he didn't either; his throat was too dry and he didn't think she could hear him anyway. His hand was burning where she was holding it and he loved it, loved the fire of her skin but he held back, letting the fear take him again, the fear that she'd vanish.

He heard something, then, rushing water and she led him into a clearing with a waterfall and a large pool, and suddenly her hand was smoke, mist; she shimmered in front of him, holding his eyes with regret and love. And hatred.

She kissed him, suddenly, and it was real, but in the next instant she was gone, vanished in a mist, though he could still feel her lips on his.

He fell to his knees at the water's edge, too tired, too broken to go on, to even muster the energy to drink. What had he done? How had he fcked up so badly? He'd only done what he thought was right and it had cost him everything.

His hand touched his lips as he sank down next to the water, too tired to even cup it into his hands; he drank like an animal, crouching down and sucking it in and as his muscles and tissues began absorbing it tears began to run down his face, dripping from his cheeks and falling back into the water.


	142. Chapter 142

**Chapter 142**  
Sawyer walked off of the beach, sick with shame and loathing; he couldn't believe he had just done that, just abandoned her like that but cold panic had seized his brain, numbing it to reason and he had simply _left_. He remembered mumbling something probably incoherent and he didn't think that would ease her much, and it was kind of disturbing that she hadn't come after him.

It was best though, because it would just have degenerated into a fight and at least this way they got the same results without saying hurtful things they'd regret later. Not that he wouldn't regret _this_ later, hell he already regretted it, he wanted to turn back, but the thought of facing her was bad enough; facing her in front of the camp was unthinkable. He hadn't come that far yet.

His feet were carrying him, he wasn't paying attention where; he was blinded by fear and guilt and the nagging knowledge that he was in way over his head and had no one to turn to, because he couldn't go to Kate with his fears without scaring her and he wasn't willing to do that. Eko was gone, hell, Vincent was gone, he had no one to guide him, to help him do what had to be done. What was he supposed to do? How was he supposed to fight? He wanted some answers, and now, when he needed them the most, when he knew what hung in the balance, there was no one to answer him.

Those fears fed into his doubts about Joshua; he was being called upon to save his son from an uncertain future, to help him by destroying the demons before they could get him in their clutches, whether it was now or thirty-six years from now, and he didn't know how to do it. He was failing already and the kid wasn't even born. His father's story wasn't lost on him, either, he could die, and Kate, and with her Joshua and the cycle would be broken, the Island would win. There were no other male heirs in his family; he was the last until the baby. He was like his father in so many ways, even the painful ones, and he hoped that wasn't an omen.

How could he go to Kate with those things? He wanted her to believe in him, that he could take care of them. He could go to her, and she would understand, that wasn't the problem; he didn't want to seem so helpless, so much the baby that she had called him. And as always, he knew they were silly fears, that he was being stupid but he couldn't stop himself. When he held that little boy, on the beach, and he felt what it was like, the responsibility of it came crashing onto his shoulders; in an instant he'd gone from a guy to a father and it had scared him senseless. How could he tell Kate he wasn't ready?

Misery and guilt crushed down on him until his legs were like lead and he couldn't go another step; it was a mark of how far he _had_ come that those feelings would take such a toll on him because three weeks earlier he carried those emotions with him everyday, every second and they hadn't slowed him. In fact, they had powered him, giving him drive until he found something to take their place.

And he had done that; those emotions that helped him survive had been replaced, instead of guilt and misery he had love and happiness and for the first time since he was eight years old he had a reason to breathe other than revenge. But he couldn't. He couldn't breathe, the weight of the world was crushing him and he stopped, unable to lift another foot; defeated, he sat down, leaned against a tree and put his head in his hands.

"Well hello, Sawyer. I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to say hello on the beach."

He lifted his head and he had to smile; Rose was standing in front of him, looking a little concerned. "Hey, Rose." He stood, slowly and almost painfully, and gave her a huge hug. "It's good to see you."

She nodded, more concerned over the way he was moving and, as she looked into his anguished eyes, feeling. "What's wrong, honey? You're moving like you're eighty years old." She took his elbow and guided him back down to the ground. "Sit down before you fall down."

Leaning back against the tree, he said, "How's Bernie? How come he ain't with you?"

She lowered herself creakily to the ground across from him, grunting just a little, as she situated herself she answered, "He's off tryin' to fish. Lord knows the man tries." She glanced up at him. "How come you're not with Kate?"

His smile faded and he turned his head. "She's with Claire and the baby."

"That didn't exactly answer my question, now did it?"

He sighed, a hint of a smile touching the corners of his mouth. "No, I don't guess it did." His lungs were screaming silently because the weight was crushing his chest and he couldn't breathe and he thought, why not? Why not Rose? He grasped at the rope she was throwing him. "I...I panicked. I ran away when she needed me."

She scooted around to his side, putting her arm over his shoulder and the weight lifted just a little and he began to cry. "Now, now," she soothed, "It can't be all that bad." She hugged his shoulder. "Kate's the one who is supposed to have the crying fits, honey."

"You know?"

She chuckled at his surprised look. "It's a small island. Word travels fast around here." She gazed at him, kindly. "Is that why you panicked?"

He turned away and nodded, still ashamed of himself, but as the first words left his lips it was like a flood; the gates had been opened and he said, "I was holding Aaron and it just _hit_ me, the truth of it, the reality of it, and I...I don't know what to do, Rose. I have something I have to do, for them, and I don't know how."

"Now, look here, what you did was perfectly natural. Maybe not the _best_ thing you could have done, but it's nothin', honey. "

He wanted...he wanted reassurance and he said, "I'm not ready."

Rose just chuckled. "No one's ever ready. No one _knows_ how to be a parent. You learn as you go, and you learn together."

He tried something else, desperate for the relief of her words. "I can't take care of them. I don't know how to...protect 'em." He closed his eyes, forcing himself to say the words. "I feel so helpless."

Rose sighed as sadness fell over her face and her normal jolly demeanor was gone. "Bernard and I lost our son when he was five years old. Leukemia. Talk about helpless..." her voice trailed off for a second and he saw tears in her eyes, but she continued, "We couldn't protect him, either. We couldn't save him. I prayed every day, every day that I had to watch my little angel wither away in front of me and I couldn't do anything. It nearly drove Bernard insane. There was nothing we could do that we hadn't done, and one night he just slipped away." She looked Sawer in the eye, making him meet her gaze. "But I was thankful for every single second that we had him; I wouldn't trade an instant of it. He died. It didn't mean we didn't love him, that we were bad parents. Sadness is part of life, Sawyer. It's part of love. Being scared is natural, everyone is scared, but you push it aside and you deal with it because this is your _life_, Sawyer, and you don't want to miss any of it feeling sorry for yourself."

He couldn't ay anything; his throat was closed up and he didn't know what to say anway. He just nodded, a little, and Rose patted him on the shoulder, gently, then tried to heave herself up of of the ground, without much success. "You gonna help this old lady up?"

He leapt to his feet, the weight suddenly gone as he took Rose's words to heart, and he held out his hand, pulling her creakily to her feet, and holding her steady as she brushed the leaves and twigs from her clothes. He could breathe again, the act of getting the fears of of his chest had taken away the crushing weight and he suddenly hugged Rose, tight. "Thanks."

"You're welcome, honey." He smiled at her once more, flashing his dimples as he headed back towards the beach. "She's at the hatch, Sawyer, " Rose called after him, and he changed direction; as he pssed her he hugged her again, then winked as he disappeared in the direction of the hatch.

Rose sighed as he vanished into the trees, shaking her head. Men were _such_ babies.

Kate had stayed with the women for a little while after Sawyer's abrupt departure, trying not to feel a little embarassed at his behavior; she knew he'd just panicked because she'd seen the look on his face, but it stung a little that his response had been to haul ass.

Eventually she, Sara and Ana pulled themselves away and headed to the hatch, to meet up with Sayid; Kate hoped Sawyer would come back by then because he needed to be a part of this, a part of what was going on. And she needed him.

Halfway to the hatch Ana stopped and said, "I'll catch up with you. I have something I have to do."

Sara stared at her suspiciously. "And what would that be?"

It was no use lying; Kate was too skilled at picking up lies and Sara would just _know_. "I just want to make sure he's okay. I...I have a bad feeling." She glanced at them, hesitantly. "I'll be right back."

Sara smiled, but it was a kind of warning, almost. "We can't stop you. I think it's a bad idea, myself."

Kate shook her head; it wasn't exactly the same situation, but she'd do anything to see Sawyer right now, to know he was okay, and she could imagine how Ana felt, how much she wanted to _see_ Jack, just lay eyes on him for a second to be sure he was alive. "No, you should go."

Sara looked at Kate like she'd gone insane, but Ana just smiled. "You can come with me, Sara, if you don't trust me."

She looked like she was going to accept Ana's offer but Kate shook her head imperceptibly and so she sighed. "No. Go if you want." She grabbed Ana's arm, pulling her close. "Be careful, Ana. Don't be tempted by the apple, or Eden will be forever lost."

Glaring, Ana jerked her arm away. "I don't like apples." She threw Kate a smile. "I'll be back. I promise." Looking around to make sure they were alone, she disappeared in a cloud of grayish-pink smoke.

Kate smiled at Sara, gesturing at the dissipating haze. "_That_ was different."

But would it last? Ana had made steps in the right direction, and going back to Jack was the worst thing she could do, at least, right now, because he still held too much sway over her, he still had _power_ over her. Sara gave Kate a wan smile. "Yes. It was."

Her bad feeling was justified when she saw him, pale and wan, stumbling blindly through the jungle, an empty water bottle dangling in his fingers. His eyes were bright and crazy, and when he saw her she could tell he thought he was hallucinating and he started talking but he was so dehydrated and his mouth so dry that no sound came out, just a long whispering hiss.

He was coming toward her and she backed away, hoping he'd follow her to some water; she could have carried him, helped him, but she was afraid to touch because what little bit of resolve she had would be gone in an instant and she wouldn't go back. She wanted to go back, she liked the Ana she was becoming, the goodness she felt with them and though she loved Jack, and wanted him, she wasn't so willing to give everything up and love him blindly.

He kept trying to touch her and when he began to cry she almost gave in and went to him but she didn't; it was only when he fell and refused to move that she finally did it. She held out her hand but he only stared at it, doubt and fear in his eyes and then he thrust his out, gasping when she was _real_ and she felt the fire in her building, exactly what she was afraid of, and she pulled him to his feet, trying to keep her distance because he was going to grab her and she would be lost, she'd give in. He didn't though, and she led him quickly through the jungle, her hand on fire where he held it and as she led him into the clearing with the waterfall she dissolved herself as quickly as she could, before it was too late.

She was going back, now, while she still could, but she met his eyes as she went, and it was her undoing; he was haggard and drawn and near death but when he looked at her he was Jack, smiling, laughing, happy Jack, the man she loved, the man she hated, and before she knew what she was doing she was kissing him and he responded, kissing her back and it was hot, so hot that she drew back, regretfully and vanished, leaving him alone in the clearing.

Kate was beginning to worry when they were almost to the airlock door and there was no sign of Ana or Sawyer; was her judgement that far off? She sighed with relief as Ana joined them, stepping out of the trees with a sad, tired smile.

They stopped while Ana caught up to them and Kate hugged her, a little surpised at how _cold_ she felt. "You okay?"

She nodded, not trusting herself to speak because every ounce of energy she had was being used to keep herself from going back to him, giving up and giving in. It was easier, though, with Kate beside her and Sara smiling in approval, and slowly, gradually, as they began to walk, the urge to go back to him lessened.

The airlock door was just ahead and as they reached it Kate stopped, gazing around the jungle once more, hoping- no, expecting- Sawyer to come out, smiling and cocky, and she almost cried with disappointment when he didn't as she finally slipped inside, closing the door behind her.


	143. Chapter 143

Hurley came lumbering down the hallway as they entered the airlock door, and he caught Kate up in a big bear hug as soon as he saw her. "Dude," he cried, "We thought you were dead!"

Kate smiled wryly, gasping a little. "Yeah, I heard that. You're crushing me, Hurley."

He let her go quickly, blushing a little. "Sorry. Man, I wish Jack had come back too. Hey, Ana-Lucia. How you been?" He was terrified of her, and he hoped that it didn't show in the dark hallway because he learned a long time ago that fear only egged bullies on. He hadn't had much to do with Ana since she'd joined them for that reason.

"Good." She brushed past them and went into the hatch.

Kate smiled at Hurley, who seemed a little upset at Ana's abrupt departure. "Don't worry about her, Hurley. She's having a bad day." She was a little concerned about her, really, she was still pale and harried looking, like something was eating at her and Kate had a pretty good idea what it was. "Sara, maybe you should go with her." She was already halfway down the hall. "You haven't seen Sawyer have you?"

He shook his head. "Nope. Been here for about three hours. Nobody's been here but Sayid."

She tried to hide her disappointment. "Okay. Thanks." She inclined her head towards the hatch. "I gotta..."

He nodded, opening the airlock door. "Yeah, yeah, go ahead. I'm sure we'll bump into each other later." He smiled at her and left, closing the door against the twilight outside.

Sighing, Kate lingered by the door for a few more seconds, still hoping Sawyer would walk in but she gave up and went to join the others in the hatch. It was starting to worry her, that he hadn't shown up but she consoled herself with the thought that he had probably gone back to the beach to look for her first. Her next worry was Ana, who seemed very detatched and withdrawn, sitting on a stool with her back against the wall, staring vacantly, yet somehow angrily, at the opposite wall. Sara was next to her, as much for support as to keep her from taking off, and Kate went over, looking Ana in the eyes. "Ana?"

She'd been okay until Hurley mentioned Jack, wishing he'd come back, and it just cast her into an angry, miserable funk because she wished that too, she wanted him to be there with her. "I'm okay, Kate." Their presence made it a little more bearable, and just like the walk on the path, as soon as they started talking, the urge...the Ineed/I for him lessened.

They were all gathered around the computer, and Kate was reminded of the last time they had been like this, when they were discussing taking Michael into the jungle. Sawyer had just been brought back from the Others, and the thought of him made her push the memory away and concentrate on the present.

Sayid spoke first, breaking the tense silence. "Where is Sawyer?"

Kate opened her mouth to say she didn't know when she heard him. "I'm here." He came in from the hallway and his eyes fell on her, smiling in relief; he hurried to her, taking her in his arms and kissing her deeply, lovingly, and he whispered, "I'm sorry, Kate."

She didn't answer, just clutched him closer before noticing the three pairs of eyes trying to look everywhere but them. She pulled away, sheepishly, and said, "Okay, we're all here." She leaned back against him, letting his arms wrap around her as she continued, "Now, Sayid, I swear, you are never going to believe all of this."

"Try me." He couldn't stand to look at them, so happy and bright; he almost felt like they were burning his eyes, and he blinked but the radiance was still there. "I'm willing to believe a lot of things."

Grinning, Sawyer said, "Well you're about to find out, Apu."

Kate took a deep breath. "Okay. After we left the camp we headed southwest but that ended in a spit so we turned north, headed up the coast. Sawyer found a stone marker, in the jungle, a Dharma Foundation marker with arrows pointing to some drains, back on the beach, and what ended up being a Zoology Center, though we didn't know it at the time. We decided to check out the drains." She grinned at Sawyer's squeeze. "Okay, okay, II/I decided to check out the drains. There was a body up there," Sawyer squeezed her again, hard, and she wasn't sure it was intentional; he was tense and she decided to skip the part about his identity for now, "And I found a badge and a pouch on it. The pouch had two stones in it, black and white, and a bottle of some kind of medicine or something. We went on to the zoo..." She continued, spilling the whole story, what she knew of it, and Ana and Sara, and Sawyer filled in any gaps.

It was taking a long time and Kate was thirsty; she remembered some juice in the pantry, and hoping against hope she excused herself and ducked into the shockingly bare room. They had been gone a long time. She sighed and looked around the shelves, moving boxes and cans around in the vain hope that she'd find what she was looking for hidden behind one but it was no use. Something caught her eyes, though, and she moved aside a can of Dharma Initiative Spaghetti Sauce to grab it and she grinned as she opened the jar of olives, fishing them out with her fingers and savoring their bitter saltiness; she was so intent on her task that she didn't hear the pantry door snap shut behind her.

She almost screamed as a hand went around her waist; his voice was ragged as he whispered, "Eatin' for two now, Freckles?" and suddenly he was kissing her, pushing her up against the shelves as she dropped the jar she was holding, not caring that it shattered at her feet. Sliding her hands into his hair, she met his kiss with the same passion and desire as he moved his body, his hard body against hers and she groaned a little, slipping her hands beneath his shirt and caressing the smooth skin, making him gasp and he pulled away, meeting her flushed, feverish eyes. "I love you. I'm sorry I hauled ass on you like that."

Sighing, she leaned her head against his chest, feeling his heartbeat as it synchronized with her own. "It's okay, James. You have plenty of time to adjust." She grinned up at him. "That's why it takes nine months."

He didn't answer, just bent his lips to hers hungrily, and within seconds they were semi-nude, their hands frantic and their bodies sparking like mad as Sawyer lifted Kate up, sighing with rapture as she slid over him; leaning her against the shelves, he began to move, slowly, her hair brushing agaist his chest in rhythm with his easy thrusts.

Her eyes were closed but his were open, watching her; her face was flushed and sweaty and he wished there was a damn bed, or hell, even a blanket he could lay her down on because he wanted to do it right, he wanted to take his time but there were people out there, even now, probably waiting and while he didn't particularly care, let them wait, he knew that the position they were in wasn't really conducive to time-taking. He'd make it up to her later.

The cold bars of the shelves were digging into her back but she didn't care; the feeling was too good and as he began to rock faster; the shelves were shaking and boxes and cans were vibrating onto the floor as he groaned into her shoulder and it pushed her over the edge. Crying out, she tensed and kissed him, crushing her lips to his with unexpected force and he groaned as he followed her.

They leaned together, supporting each other on shaky, weak legs as he kissed her again, teasing her gently with his tongue and she returned it, her hand snaking down and he smiled, backing away. "No, no, Freckles. The mind is willing but the flesh..."

Giggling, she kissed him once more then started dressing and after watching her for a few seconds he did too. She waited as he slipped his jeans back on, picking up the boxes and cans that they'd knocked from the shelves and trying to clean up some of the olive mess. When he was ready she started to open the door but he slammed it shut again, sweeping her into his arms and kissing her passionately. "I love you, Kate. And I Iam/I sorry."

She was breathless for a second but she finally managed to say, "It's okay, James, really. I understand, you're scared. I am too." She cupped his face in her hands, staring him in the eyes as she whispered, excitedly, "But wasn't it wonderful? Wasn't he perfect?"

Her excitement was infectious and he nodded, smiling; but he was really remembering her, holding Aaron on the beach in the hazy afternoon sun and how absolutley perfect Ishe/I was, how beautiful that scene had been. "Yeah. He was."

When Kate left Ana was telling Sayid about the Foundation, and she supposed part of Kate's flight was because she was getting close to the time when Jack killed Kate; when Sawyer followed her a few minutes later she didn't think it was for the same reason, and she and Sara exchanged amused glances before she continued with the story. Her hunch had been right, after talking and being in Kate and Sara's soothing presence her desire for Jack had faded from sharp, shooting desire to dull, aching need and she could almost completely forget about him if it wasn't for the fact that she had to Italk/I about him. She didn't elaborate on their relationship and Sayid didn't question it, though she had the feeling he had guessed anyway, it was probably pretty obvious.

He stopped her a couple of times during the whole 'time travel' part, making her go back and tell it over again while Sara supplied the bits Ana didn't know; they all swiveled their heads as a loud crash and moan came from the pantry; Sayid stood, thinking maybe someone had fallen or something but Ana put her hand out, grabbing his wrist and shaking her head with amusement. "I wouldn't do that."

Sayid looked down at Ana's hand on his arm and pulled away, gently, then glanced in the direction of the pantry with a little embarrassment. "I see."

Sara and Ana both laughed, and Ana said, "You get used to it. They're like rabbits."

As if in conformation there was another loud cry and moan and then quiet, and Ana grinned. "See? Rabbits. Quick and constantly."

That made even Sayid smile, and he nodded in their direction. "They have changed."

"We all have, Sayid,"Ana smiled sadly; the part of the story Sayid was least likely to believe was coming up and she wasn't sure how to begin. Glancing at Sara she decided to leave the angel parts out, at least for now; that wasn't important and he was already looking at them with polite disbelief as it was.

"Perhaps," he said, his eyes shifting to her. "I don't think you have."

She wasn't sure if it was an insult or not and his eyes didn't give anything away, they just held hers until she said, "Well, you didn't know me before, did you?"

His smile was tight but not unfriendly. "I knew enough. What haunts you may not be the same thing but you are haunted nonetheless." He leaned closer. "In fact, I know what haunts you now."

She froze as icy misery flooded through her and she wished suddenly that Kate was there, with her, because she understood and just her Ibeing/I there was a comfort. "And what is that, Sayid?"

"That's not what we're here to talk about, Ana." He smiled. "Please continue with the story."

Sawyer came strolling out, grinning as everyone's eyes went to him, sweaty, flushed and happy. "What?"

Sara and Ana just grinned as Kate came out behind him, carrying a can of fruit juice she'd found next to the door, where it had apparently rolled after they shook it from the shelf; she noted with delight that is was grape. She avoided everyone's eyes as she grinned and said, "Is there a can opener in here?"

Sayid pointed toward the kitchen and Kate disappeared around the corner; Sawyer's eyes followed her and Sayid had to smile too, he couldn't help it. As she disappeared he turned his eyes back to Sayid, his dimples flashing as he caught his grin. Sayid clapped his hand on Sawyer's shoulder, chuckling. "You are a lucky man, Sawyer."

"Don't I know it, Apu." All of the earlier hostility was gone, the scene on the beach forgotten as Sawyer suddenly grew serious. "I'm sorry about Shannon."

Sayid nodded, turning away to hide his tears as he swallowed hard. "Thank you," he said, his voice strangled, and Sawyer looked away, giving him time to compose himself. He understood, God, he Iknew/I what it was like to lose Kate and he was surprised Sayid hadn't blown a cylinder and offed half of the camp; the fact that he was being civil, even friendly to Ana kinda threw Sawyer for a loop.

He was suddenly tired; he didn't want to hear anymore tonight, his head was swimming anyway and he just wanted to be alone, be solitary for a while and let it all sink in before he heard anything else. Shannon's grave called to him, as it did every night, and sometimes he thought he could hear her, whispering to him on the quiet night air, when the camp was asleep and he was Iawake/I, alive because he could finally feel her with him.

Kate came back around the corner with five glasses of grape juice with Iice/I in it, and she smiled as she handed one to each of them before taking a sip of hers and kissing Sawyer with icy cold lips. "Mmm..." he whispered, "grape. My favorite."

She giggled a little, then turned back to the others; Ana and Sara were both savoring the sweet, tangy grape juice with tiny little sips but Sawyer had gulped his down, and Kate said, "There's food in the pantry."

Sara and Ana both left immediately, taking their drinks with them, leaving Sayid with Kate and Sawyer. He couldn't bear it, the way they were, it made him long for the quiet solitude of Shannon's grave and he took Kate's hand, kissing the back of it -Kate felt Sawyer tense- before handing his untasted drink to her. "I think I have heard enough for tonight. You will excuse me?" He didn't wait for an answer, vanishing into the hallway before they could respond, and a second later Kate heard the airlock door groan shut.

Sawyer watched him go, feeling for him, and he slid his arms around Kate even tighter. He noticed the drink in her hands. "You gonna drink his, Kate?"

She rolled her eyes and handed it to him, feeling the electricity as their fingers brushed even though she was curled into his arms. "Poor Sayid."

They stood together for a minute, wondering in the luck, the incredible luck that seemed to be on their side, keeping them together. Suddenly a loud sqeal came ringing out of the pantry. "Mashed potatoes?"

Kate kissed Sawyer quickly, then detatched herself and ran to the pantry. He shook his head, then followed her, leaning against the doorway and watching as she tore through the boxes with the other women, laughing and giggling as they plundered what was left of the food, carrying it into the kitchen.

Piling all of the boxes and cans on the counter, they all looked at each other and burst out laughing because they had enough food around them to feed a small army. While Ana and Sara carried some of it back (though not much) Kate and Sawyer began pulling out pots and pans. "You know how to cook, Freckles?"

She shrugged. "A little. My mom taught me some but it's not really a skill I've needed for the past few years."

A huge grin spread across his face. "Well, why don't you and your little friends have a seat and let the master get to work?" He started opening and shutting the cabinets and the refrigerator, checking out what they had available.

Kate eyed him with disbelief. "IYou/I can cook?"

He rolled his eyes as he pulled a small tray of spices out of the cabinet. "Don't look so surprised, Kate. I ain't totally helpless." Picking up a couple of the boxes they'd brought out he said, "I don't know how great it will be with Dharma mac & cheese and Dharma rice-a-roni but we'll see what we can do."

She kissed him, suddenly so overwhelmed with love she couldn't stand it; he dropped the boxes and wrapped his arms around her, kissing her back. "I love you so much, James."

He didn't think he'd ever known this kind of emotion; after all of his doubts, all of his fears and uncertainty she still was there for him, she still loved him. He crushed his face into her hair, breathing the sweet salt air still trapped in it, mingled with sweat and it was Iher/I scent, the one he would always remember when he thought about her. "I love you Kate, and I swear, I'll never do that again."

She laughed, pulling away. "Yes, you will. But I'll be here waiting for you to come back."

Letting go of her was almost painful, but he could hear Ana and Sara coming back and he wanted to get cooking. The dinner, anyway. But he whispered once more before he let her go; leaning close he said, "No you won't, Kate, because you'll be right there with me."


	144. Chapter 144

**Chapter 144**  
The three women sat around the counter in the kitchen, watching Sawyer as he cooked dinner for them; he was actually doing well, with macaroni and cheese bubbling in one pot and the instant mashed potatoes in another; the rice-a-roni was already cooked and sitting to the side, and he had picked out a couple of cans of vegetables, some green beans and corn, and they were also already heated, sitting to the side.

Kate had watched him in loving awe, smiling almost proudly as he added some spices from the meager supply into the vegetables, grinning at her as he stirred the macaroni and took the potatoes off of the stove, flicking the burner off with a practiced twist as he also salted them and set them aside. She couldn't contain her curiosity any longer. "Where did you learn to cook?"

Grinning slyly, he pulled the macaroni off of the stove, flipped the lid expertly and used it to drain the pasta. "I wasn't always Sawyer, you know." He flipped the pot back over, leaving just a little bit of water in the bottom. "After I left Tennessee I had to make money somehow. I lied about my age and got a job in a restaurant, as a 'chef'." He added the powdered cheese and stirred it all together, grimacing a little. "Too bad there isn't any milk."

Ana laughed. "A chef?"

He glanced up at Kate through his shaggy hair as he shut off the burner and let the mac & cheese sit for a minute. "Well, I use the term 'chef' loosely." His dimples deepened as he gazed at her and she felt herself flush hot. "But I learned enough, didn't I?" He opened a cabinet and pulled down two plates and two bowls as Kate jumped down from her stool and went into the kitchen, opening up a drawer and pulling out two forks and two spoons. It was absurd, really, but yet it made perfect sense; there were only supposed to be two people at a time in the hatch, but as they all gazed at the four dishes and four utensils, they began to laugh.

Kate held out the forks to Ana and Sara, and as she handed Sawyer a spoon he kissed her, softly, feeling her body pulse in response to his. Suddenly Kate didn't think she'd enjoy the food quite so much.

That didn't stop them from digging in; they gave up on the plates and bowls and instead just set the pots and pans on the counter, communal plates; after what they'd been through sharing some cookware didn't seem like the worst thing in the world. It was heavenly, and Kate groaned a little at the thought of all of the carbs they were eating; they'd all be sick tomorrow but none of them cared. It was hot and it wasn't fruit; that made it the best food ever.

The pots had been scraped clean of every last speck of cheese and every last dot of mashed potatoes; every grain of rice had been consumed, and only the juice remained of the vegetables when they were done, and Kate felt like she was going to be sick, but in a totally good way; she hadn't felt so full in ages and it made her incredibly tired. She yawned, leaning against Sawyer and smiling up at him through sleepy eyes. "You cooked, I'll do the dishes." She started running water into the sink, adding some soap, but the water shut off and Sawyer took her hands, leading her to the bunkroom. "What are you doing?"

He pointed to the bed. "In. You need some rest, we walked all night last night and you've been up all day."

He had a point, and she _was_ exhausted. He pulled the blanket back and made her sit on the edge of the bed while he took her shoes off. She eyed him, flushing with desire again and she said, "What about the rest of my clothes, Cowboy?"

He was tempted, so tempted, but she really did need her rest and he pushed her back, pulling the covers up over her; she reached up, wrapping her arm around his neck and pulling his face to hers. "You never cease to amaze me, James." Her lips met his, softly, and he had to struggle not to rip the blanket from her anyway.

"I know exactly what you mean, Freckles." He kissed her again, then pulled away. "Sleep. I'll be right here."

She sighed. "Okay." She gave him a jokingly suspicious look. "Can I trust you alone with those two?"

The two in question appeared in the door. "Hey, we're going down to the beach," Ana said, "I don't like it here. Sara doesn't either so we're gonna head back to camp."

Kate's weariness was gone in an instant, replaced by burning desire; she tried to keep the excitement from her voice as she said, "Sure, sure. Be careful."

Ana grinned; she hadn't expected Kate to put up much of a fight. "We will. Want us to lock up behind ourselves, Bunny?"

Their laughter echoed down the hallway as they left, Sawyer glaring after them but his anger was forgotten as Kate's cool fingers slid under his shirt and he turned to her, catching her mouth with his and pushing her back down onto the bed. He grinned wickedly and said, "What was that you were saying about your clothes?"

The first thing he noticed was his face was wet. He opened his eyes to darkness; lifting his head, he could see the stars and he was suddenly disoriented; how could he be looking _down_ at the stars? As he focused and his brain ground to life he realized that it was a reflection, the stars were shining up at him from the surface of the waterfall pool and he shook his head, groaning as he pulled himself to a sitting position. He'd fallen asleep, still drinking from the pool and he wondered if that meant Ana had been a dream, a figment of his exhausted, dehydrated mind. She'd seemed so real, and he had _felt_ her, taking his hand, kissing him; could a figment of his imagination be so _real_? Arouse such fire in him just with its touch? No, it was her, she'd come to him, saved him.

Hope sprang up in his heart; if she could do that then she must still love him, want him. Maybe winning her back wouldn't be so hard after all.

He wondered suddenly how long he had been out; if she had come to him then she could still be close and he tried to reason out which way the hatch was, maybe if he hurried he could catch up to her. He needed her, so badly, and it was clouding his mind as he tried to place himself but urgent panic kept him from _thinking_ and he finally closed his eyes, took a deep breath and counted to five.

It worked; he smiled to himself and looked up at the stars and moon, and a stiff breeze blew through the glade, carrying whispers on it. He closed his eyes again, letting the wind talk and he nodded as it directed him where to go. Opening his eyes as the breeze died down, he quickly filled his water bottle, turned to his left and started running.

The breeze from the ocean didn't carry whispers but it was cool and fresh and clean; he supposed that was why he always felt like it _was_ Shannon; soft and gentle, fresh and clean, insistent but giving as she swirled around him. It stirred her crucifix, making it thump forlornly against the sticks that were her only monument, the only thing of her that remained, and he reached out, catching it in his hand to stop the swinging.

Something moved in the shadows, he caught in in the corner of his eye but he didn't react, waiting for whatever it was to come out. He wasn't afraid of death, he never had been, not after the war; after the things he'd done he wished he was dead. But Nadia gave him hope, she saw the real him and he was surprised to find that he was still there, beneath the self-hatred and loathing and so he repaid her in the only way he could, by giving her freedom, the freedom that she wanted so badly.

Torturing Sawyer had put him right back at square one, though, and there was no Nadia around to help him, to show him that Sayid was still alive, still there, beneath all of that hate; but there was Shannon. She showed him that he could still love, that he wasn't a cold, heartless person and he loved her for it. Who would he turn to now? Because if the things Kate had said were true, then he had the terrible feeling his skills were going to be needed at some point in the future, and there wasn't anyone left to save him this time.

He didn't even want to try to wrap his head around the things they had told him, and he was sure that a lot was being left out; if this was just the first half of the story, what in the world did they have coming up? If not for Ana being there he wasn't sure he would have believed Kate and Sawyer completely but her concurrence gave it a ring of truth; partly because she wasn't the kind to just go along with some silly joke on him, and partly because she was in love with Jack and if Kate and Sawyer were telling lies she would have spoken up.

He'd known it the instant he saw her face when Jack was mentioned; it was the same look he got on his when Shannon's name came up. She loved him but something had happened, something to make her leave and join Kate and he wondered if he'd ever really know what it was.

When she stepped out of the shadows he wasn't really surprised. She didn't come close and he could barely see her in the dim starlight. Neither spoke for a minute, just stared at each other over Shannon's grave.

Ana finally broke the silence; she couldn't bear the fact that he _didn't_ blame her for Shannon, that he was being so...nice. His eyes were shining as they held hers. "I should go, I'm sorry."

She didn't move, though, and he said, "No, Ana-Lucia, stay." It was crazy but he felt like if there was anyone on the island who could share his grief it was her, she was as close to Shannon as he in her own way.

She hesitated, then sat down across the grave from him. "I didn't know you were here."

"Didn't you?"

She smiled, caught in her little fib. "I _thought_ you might be."

They were quiet, each staring at the two crossed sticks in grieved silence. "What is it?"

She didn't say anything; she couldn't. Her throat closed up and she could feel, with some shame, tears pricking at her eyes as the guilt surged through her again; the grave was like a punch in her gut and Sayid's kind, unaccusing eyes were the fist.

"Ana-Lucia, I do not blame you."

"I'm sorry." It was whispered, almost as if she were speaking through the wind. "I'm sorry for all of it."

His eyes clouded and the light was gone as he leaned forward and said, quietly, venomously, "Do not apologize for something that They did. You were brutalized by Them and you reacted as any victim would. As any victim _should_. You protected yourself, and those you care about. Do not ever be sorry for that."

She didn't know how to respond to that, so she just nodded, trying to blink back her tears. "Thank you."

"You are welcome, Ana." She felt lighter, not as in any kind of weight being lifted from her, her heart was still as heavy as a stone, but she was..._brighter_, as if the blackness that had been around her, inside of her had lightened.

The breeze wasn't whispering anymore but Sayid didn't feel alone. Comfortable silence enveloped them as they sat, thinking their own thoughts; finally Sayid said, "Where is Jack?"

Ana didn't look up from the grave; it had been a month now, and the wind and rain had erased the fresh look of it and that was somewhat of a comfort. "I don't know."

Sayid smiled. "I do not need to see your face to know that you are lying. So I will ask you again, Ana, and do not lie. Where is Jack?"

She had to smile because she could appreciate being called out on another fib; it was a different perspective because she was usually the one doing the calling. "You're good." She still didn't answer his question and he was about to ask again when she said, "In a glade about two miles from here."

"Why aren't you with him, if he is so close?"

She _did_ look up at that and Sayid was smiling at her. "Why would I be?"

He shook his head. "I can tell when someone is stalling as well. But I will answer your question in hopes that you will answer mine. _Quid pro quo_, Ana, I'm sure you know what that means?" She rolled her eyes, nodding and Sayid smiled. "Very well. You are in love with Jack. Do not deny it, Ana. I see it."

She couldn't deny it. "Yeah."

"Now answer mine, Ana. Why aren't you with him?" His eyes were kind, caring, and she suddenly thought, Why not? He's lost someone too, maybe not to the same degree, but he'll understand.

"He lied to me." She sighed as tears began pricking at her again. "He said he loved me but I overheard him and Locke. He doesn't, he was just using me to get what he wanted."

"And what is that?"

She raised her eyes to his and they were wet, sparkling in the starlight. "Power. Control. He's...different, Sayid."

His voice was soft. "Is he?" He sat back, looking up at the stars. "When we first crashed it was Jack who took control of the situation, got everone away from the wreckage, took care of the wounded." He looked aside at her. "And the dead. But after the first shock he gave up the reins. He didn't want to be the leader, but it was thrust on him because he had taken the first step, he had taken control. And so he took on the responsibility, he became what everyone wanted him to be."

Ana shook her head. "I see where you're going. Maybe he's doing the same thing for me? Taking on the power and the control because he feels like he needs it to save me?" She turned her head as angry tears began to trickle down her cheeks. "I _heard_ him, Sayid. He said it, out loud. To Locke. He doesn't love me."

He reached out to wipe a tear away, saying softly, "Then he is a fool."

Ana looked up and their eyes met; two dark pools with stars shining in them and he didn't think, for once; he leaned forward and kissed her, softly; she hesitated at first but then she returned it, comforted and eased by his gentle touch. So different from Jack-

She jumped away, her eyes flashing panic as she stammered..."I...I'm sorry..we shouldn't..." She gave him a sad, regretful look then disappeared into the trees.

He didn't call after her; he couldn't, he wasn't sure he wanted her to come back. The gentle breeze played around him again, alone, solitary, and there were no whispers to comfort him.

Sawyer hated that fcking alarm. They had been right in the middle of...well, they had been in a pretty bad position when the damn thing started beeping and Kate had to _leave_ to turn the thing off, and frankly, by the time she came back the mood wasn't quite the same. It was still great, but just...off.

They were sprawled across each other in the bunk, still sweaty after their second round and now Kate really _was_ exhausted and she was already snoring softly, her breath tickling his chest. He closed his eyes, savoring the silky feel of her skin beneath his hand as he stroked her, softly, and then that damn BEEPING again. It was infuriating, and Kate raised her head sleepily, about to climb over him and he stopped her. "I'll get it."

She smiled blearily and was almost immediately asleep again as he slipped out of the bed, sliding on boxers, just in case, and he headed into the computer room. He went to the computer, cursing the computer, the island and, for good measure, Jack as he yawned and entered the numbers, 4...8...15...16...23...42. He hit execute and the timer reset, and as he did a whirring, whooping siren sounded and the blast doors started to close. He reacted too slowly and he couldn't get under them, and he didn't have anything to wedge under it; suddenly he panicked; where was Kate? "Kate!" The door clanged shut and the siren stopped.

"James!" He could just hear her through the door. "Are you okay?" Her voice was muffled but he could make out her words and he hurried to ease her panic.

"I'm fine, Kate. Are you okay?" He was shouting and it was ringing against the steel door, hurting his ears, and he was surprised to hear panic still in her voice when she answered.

"I'm fine. What did you do?"

"What? I put in the numbers and hit the damn button. That is the drill, ain't it?"

"Are you sure the numbers were right?"

He sighed in frustration and worry, banging his fist into the door. "Shut up, Kate. I didn't do anything." 

She was quiet and he kicked himself for snapping at her; as usual he let fear and worry turn to anger and lashed out at the wrong person. The lights went out, suddenly, flickering before casting him in an eerie shadow; there was a soft pink glow and he looked up, his mouth dropping open in shock. Kate finally said, "James?" in a hesitant, weak voice, and he was so stunned by the incandescent drawing on the ceiling that he didn't answer her until she said his name again, a hint of nervous panic in her voice.

"I'm fine, Kate," he called out, without taking his eyes from the- what was it? It looked curiously like a map of the hatches; if he pictured the island map over it, a bunch of the squiggly things matched up generally with the hatches they knew about and the question mark in the center lined up over the middle of the eastern mountain range. Where the new hatch was. There were some they hadn't known about, too, apparently, if it _was_ a map, along the eastern shore of the island.

Kate's tremulous voice echoed through the door. "What's going on, James?" She sounded terrified and he said, still not looking away from the map, "Nothing. It's a map." It was almost hypnotic, and he wished he could read the writing next to the squiggles.

The alarm whooped again and the lights flickered back on, obliterating the pink and blue map; he turned to the bomb doors as they began to rise and Kate ducked under them, throwing herself into his arms as he chuckled, "It's okay."

She just held him for a few minutes, relishing the hard feel of him beneath his skin, he was so strong and she felt so safe as long as she knew he was alright. "That scared the sht out of me."

"Me too. There was some kind of a map on the ceiling, when the lights went out." He pointed up to the blank tiles. "I think it was of the island, of the hatches. But there was writing next to 'em, so maybe we should see if we can see it again."

Now that she knew he was okay her rush of adrenaline was fading, leaving her even more tired than before, and she tried to stifle the yawn but it wouldn't be stopped. "Okay."

He laughed, shaking his head. "I don't think so. It can wait until you get some sleep."

She yawned again, leaning against him. "Okay."

He swept her up into his arms and carried her back into the bunkroom, laughing as he realized she was asleep before he even put her down. Slipping under the blanket with her he closed his eyes, clutching her soft warmth to him as he slipped off into sleep.


	145. Chapter 145

**Chapter 145**  
Dawn found Ana on the beach, as far from the makeshift graveyard as she could get. She hadn't slept at all, staring out at the ocean, watching it roll in, roll out; it was hypnotic and constant, never changing and that was a comfort.

Because everything else was changing, moving, shifting as they moved further into the future; Libby and Hurley, of all people, were getting closer, Bernard and Rose were always quibbling, Sun was pregnant, Aaron was getting bigger; somehow she had thought of the camp as being just the same, though she hadn't spent a lot of time there, it had seemed more like a home than the tailie camp had. And Sayid; he was almost as she had expected, he hadn't changed much since they had been gone. But maybe he had.

Her fingers went unconciously to her lips, feeling where he had kissed her. It had been nice, different from Jack; with Jack it was lusty, passionate, electric, but Sayid's kiss had been gentle and affectionate, comforting and sad. But it had aroused her just the same, maybe not to the extent of Jack's, no one else could ever get her to that kind of excitement because she _loved_ him, but he didn't want her, so why deny someone else? Not that she expected to jump into the sack with Sayid right away, she wasn't ready to do that, she'd only been apart from Jack for a couple of days and she ached for him, wanted him so terribly she couldn't bear it, but it was something she could hold on to, something to keep her damaged heart afloat until she could find a safer harbor.

She'd felt something with Sayid, though, back in the jungle when she had killed Shannon; they had connected, when everyone else was gone and it was just the two of them. He'd felt it too, even drowning in grief for Shannon, and she knew it, but it had been lost in the aftermath of guilt and self-hatred. And then she'd seen Jack, with Eko, and Sayid was forgotten in the same sudden rush of desire she'd felt in the airport, though he was staring at her with disappointment and sorrow. He'd been the first one to come to her, though, at the camp, other than her own people, and that was it, that was when she'd fallen in love with him.

Dawn revealed her tears and she wiped them away, angrily, wondering why she was still here. Why wasn't she with Jack? What did good and evil matter anyway? All she cared about was him, touching, kissing, fcking him until neither one of them could move. It was building, the more she thought about it, the more she wanted it and she was so close to giving in and going, just vanishing in a puff of coal black smoke and finding him that she had risen to her feet to go back to the jungle so she could vanish in solitude.

She sat back down with a defeated plop. What the hell was she doing? He didn't _want_ her, a fact made even more obvious, now that she thought about it, because he hadn't come after her. She wasn't hard to find, if he wanted it enough; they'd left tracks all the way to the beach. And why didn't he just ask the island? The Island had all of the answers, according to him, so why wasn't he here? It was as plain as day. He really didn't want her. He really didn't care.

People were starting to come out of their tents, stretching, yawning, building up the fires; Ana stood and walked quickly up the beach, into the trees. She didn't want to see anyone, talk to anyone; she just wanted to be alone with her misery and despair. A voice whispered in her head. _Maybe he's afraid to come to you._

She ignored it; he _should_ be afraid to come to her but, come on, if he loved her he'd come, no matter what. This was _Jack_, not some awkward teenage boy; he didn't let fear stop him. There was no other explanation, no other reason why he hadn't come.

She felt it when her heart broke; it was like an ice block, split down the middle with an icy chisel, shattering into a million shards that ripped her insides apart then dissolved, leaving her bleeding and heartless. She couldn't breathe, the icy shards had frozen her lungs, too, and she gasped as she stumbled blindly through the jungle, blinded by tears and hurt.

The alarm went off again and Sawyer rolled groggily out of the bunk, trying not to wake Kate, though it didn't seem like that would be a problem; she was dead to the world, snoring like a lumberjack with her mouth slightly open, and he hesitated, kissing her softly before padding out to the damn computer.

Someone else was already at the computer and the counter reset as Sun turned to him, smiling, and he was suddenly _very_ glad he had put his boxers on earlier. "Hello, Sawyer."

He glanced back to make sure Kate was covered up; it was Sun, but he still didn't want her exposed while she was sleeping. "Hey, Sun." He glanced down at her belly, smiling. "I guess you found the pregnancy test in my stash, huh?"

'Why, do you need it?" she laughed, and nodded towards Kate. "How is she?"

"Tired." She didn't miss the hint of a grin around his lips, even in the dimly lit room. "What are you doin' here?"

"My shift." She sat down on the rollaway chair and Sawyer's grin widened as he remembered what he and Kate had done there, after he'd been returned from the Others. It made him want to go wake her up. "I saw you two sleeping so I left the lights dim."

"Is it light outside?" He tired to figure how long they'd been down here, if they'd hit the button one...two...threee..four times, and each time was one hundred and eight minutes, that was like two hours, so if they came down here after dark-

"It's just past sunrise." He sighed with relief because he was too sleepy to try to do so much math so early.

"Thanks." The airlock door groaned open and they both turned to see who was coming in to the hallway; Sawyer smiled as Sara came in, looking a little worried, though she turned her head a little when she realized he was clad only in boxers. "Morning, sunshine. Why the rain cloud?"

She glanced at Kate, apparently relieved to see that she was asleep, and she whispered, "Have you seen Ana?"

Sawyer didn't like the sound of that. "No. Not since you two left last night. Why?"

Sun said, "I saw her this morning, on the beach. She was going into the jungle. Just at dawn."

That relieved Sara a little, since it meant that she wasn't far. She couldn't stop Ana, if she wanted to go back to him, but she could _try_ to talk her out of it, show her what a mistake it would be. "Good. She just seemed so...upset last night."

"I was far away, but she seemed very upset this morning also."

Sara sighed, undecided; she didn't want Ana to think she wasn't trusted, but going to see Jack the night before had been a mistake. It wasn't like Sara didn't know the kind of pull Jack had; if not for the support and encouragement of her family she would have gone back to him within a week. Once the worst of it was over that desire had gone; she still loved him but he was a stranger. A part of another life. It would be that way for Ana, too, and it would be better for her eventually; if she could just get past the first week she'd be alright. "Will you go with me Sawyer? To find her?" She whispered, "She has something of Kate's we need back."

He looked at her questioningly, but he knew she wouldn't ask her to leave Kate behind if it wasn't important, so he glanced at Sun. "Will you stay with her? I don't want her to wake up alone."

Sun nodded. "Of course. I'll be here for another five hours anyway, but if she's still asleep of course I'll stay." She smiled. "You're not the only one who loves her, Sawyer."

He grinned and said softly, "I know." He turned back to Sara. "Okay, Professor, I guess I'm yours. Temporarily, of course. " He winked at her and she blushed a little, wondering if he had that effect on every woman he met. Probably. "Let me get dressed."

Quietly thankful for that, Sara turned to Sun. "How are you doing today? How's the little one?"

They fell into a muted conversation about pregnancy and morning sickness and Sawyer went back into the bunkroom, pulling his clothes on quietly while he watched Kate sleep. He didn't want to go, he didn't want to leave her, especially since he'd just told her he wouldn't leave again. Different circumstances, of course, but still the same result. He was leaving abruptly with no goodbye, no explanation and he hoped she wouldn't be too angry. But she would, though not from any of that. She'd be pissed because she was being left behind at all, left out of the group. Sighing, he kissed her again, smoothing her hair gently back from her face; she stirred and he hoped for a second she'd wake up so she _could_ go, but she just rolled over, burying her face in the pillow and slipping back into soft snores.

There wasn't any reason to stall so he left the bunkroom, glancing back at her once more as he and Sara turned down the hallway to the airlock. The light was blinding after the darkness of the hatch and Sawyer took a minute to let his eyes adjust, and if he admitted it to himself, to give Kate a few more seconds to wake up and join them. Sara didn't press him, but after a few minutes she said, "Sun said she saw her going into the jungle to the left of the cave path, whatever that is. She said you'd know."

Forcing his mind away from Kate he said, "Yeah, I know where it is. If we cut through there," he pointed to a copse of trees to their southwest, "we may intercept her trail." He found a reason to wait for Kate. "But I don't know how to track even if we do find it. Do you?"

Nice try, Sara thought. "I'll know it if we see it."

Damn Angels. "What are we waitin' for then, Professor?"

With his new hope and restored energy, Jack made it to the Backgammon hatch before dawn, slipping in and running into the chamber, expecting to find them all there, playing the game.

It was empty. For a second he thought he might be too late, that they had already gotten in but the disc was still in place, apparently unmoved, as it was covered in dust. And there were no footprints except for his and Ana's.

He sighed with relief. He wasn't too late, they hadn't gotten here yet. He tried to sit and wait for them but it suddenly hit him; maybe somthing had happened to them, maybe something had gone wrong. They should have beaten him here, or he should have seen some sign of them but he didn't. Panic began to well up in his chest because that was it, something had to be wrong. He dashed back up the stairs to the exit, pounding up the hallway until he came out into weak dawn, gasping for air, partly from the run but mostly from fear. He had to find her.

Closing his eyes, he turned his face to the sun, lifting his arms and begging silently for the island to direct him, to tell him where she was.

He was at the caves and he stared around in confusion, but then they began to speed by him, the walls of the caves were coming right at him but he couldn't move; throwing up his arms he waited for the impact but it never came. Opening his eyes he was in the jungle, the caves receding behind him as the jungle slid by and he got it, he was being shown the _way_. He tried to concentrate as the featureless trees slid by, but there was a boulder, and there was a tree that looked like a pitchfork, and there was a stream with stepping stones, and there, past the stream was a waterfall and a small pool, not the one he had been at last night.

The landscape stopped and he was at the pool, then in a flash he was back on the mountaintop, next to the hatch, his arms out and face raised and he stayed that way for a while, crucified on the sun's morning beams.

Sayid stayed beside Shannon's grave for the rest of the night, though his thoughts weren't all of her; he found that Ana kept slipping in, no matter how hard he tried to keep her out. That he had kissed her had shocked him, a little, but that he _felt_ something in it had stunned him. He'd felt dead for so long, it seemed, forever, and she had made him feel a little spark again, a little bit of life returning.

It would lead nowhere, of course, becuase she was still madly in love with Jack and that wasn't likely to change anytime soon, and he still loved Shannon, he still yearned for her everyday.

But it was lessening, diminshing a little every day. The yearning, not the love. He hated himself for it.

As dawn began to creep over the ocean he stood, brushing the sand from his clothes before heading into the jungle; he didn't want to face anyone, not now, especially not Ana and he headed for his favorite hiding spot, his own little oasis in the jungle where he could be alone. Amazingly, it seemed none of the other castaways had stumbled upon this little glade, and he spent many hours there when he needed to get away from the camp.

He found himself at the tree line, glancing back at the camp one more time, looking for her. She wasn't there, and his disappointment was a surprise to himself.

The alarm was going off and Kate leapt groggily out of the bed, having the presence of mind to wrap the blanket around her before she stumbled out to the computer, and she was a pleasantly surprised to find Sun there, punching in the code and hitting execute. "Hey." she glanced back at the bed to make sure Sawyer was covered, only then realizing through her sleepiness that he wasn't there. "Where's Sawyer?"

Sun smiled at the hint of panic in Kate's voice and siad, "He went with Sara to help find Ana."

Kate was fully awake now. "Ana's gone?" There was a distinct edge of panic now, and Sun was a little puzzled that Kate and Sawyer had the same reaction. Fear. Why was Ana being gone so frightening?

"Not far, I just saw her on the beach a few hours ago, but Sara and Sawyer have been gone for a while."

"Why didn't they wake me up?" She was angry, and Sun tried to placate her a little.

"You needed rest, Kate. You can't push yourself-" He words were cut off as Kate suddenly dashed to the bathroom and she heard the sounds of retching. "Like you used to." Sighing, she went in to see if she was alright.

She was leaning over the sink, water running, cupping it and splashing her face, which was a pasty white, while her other hand clutched the blanket around her. She smiled when she saw Sun, weakly, and said, "Just part of the process, huh?" She still felt sick, though she supposed a lot of it was the huge feast they'd eaten the night before, and she wondered how the others were faring. She was gonna find out, anyway, because she was going after them. As soon as her stomach stopped rolling.

Sun smiled, pulling Kate's hair back from her pale face. "It passes."

Kate took a deep breath, still leaning over the sink, but the cool water and oxygen seemed to be working and the nausea passed. She smiled, letting her breath out. "That really sucks."

Sun laughed and handed Kate a towel. "Yes, it does."

Kate hurried back into the bunkroom pulling her clothes on and slipping on her shoes. Sun watched her, warily, as she picked up her pack and pulled out two bottles. "How long ago did they leave?"

"Where are you going?"

She had moved to the kitchen, filling one bottle with water and the other with what was left of the grape juice; it filled about half the bottle. "I'm going after James. He needs me." She ginned at Sun's worried face. "I'll be fine. I've been doing this for a while now, you know. And I can track him, easily enough. How long ago did they leave?"

Sun sighed, wondering if it was even worthwhile to try and talk Kate out of it; it probably wasn't. She was going to do what she wanted anyway. "About three hours ago." Kate started for the door. "Kate!" She stopped and turned back to Sun. "Be...be careful."

Grinning, Kate said, "Careful doesn't work so well for me. I always get into more trouble that way." She disappeared down the hallway and Sun sighed as she heard the airlock door groan shut.

**I will not be updating here any more due to restrictions on my time, but if you wish to read the rest of the story you can find it at Sorry for any inconveniences, and thank you for reading!**

**Sherrandy**


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